Family Guy: OC Universe
by aldovas
Summary: Meg and Chris finally met the loves of their lives! And together they're going to crazy adventures along with several OCs from other Meg/OC stories. Read & Comment! Drawing by LoverofGames64 (or storytellr in this site)
1. Griffin Siblings' Bond

**Family Guy: OC Universe**

**(A/E: This is a reboot of my two stories: 'Meg and Eddie' and 'Chris's Girlfriend'. I'll use my main OCs plus Malcolm Fox's from 'Meg's Boyfriend/Family', Ander's from 'Spellbook' and Bhaal's from 'Tale of a Valkyrie' as supporting characters. I'll keep Seth's characters personalities, but showing more their positive attitudes and less their negative. I hope you enjoy it**.)

**Chapter 1: Griffin Siblings' Bond**

This story begins in the Griffin's house; Peter was reading the newspaper while Lois is washing the dishes.

"Hey Lois, do you know that Osama Bin Laden is still alive?" Peter asked.

"Wait, are you sure?" Lois asked scared.

"He, he, he, he, he, he, not really" Peter answered "I just wanted to see your reaction"

"That wasn't funny, Peter" Lois said annoyed "My uncle had a horrible accident at 9/11."

**Flashback**

We see Lois's uncle watching the Twin Towers falling down because the terrorist attack; fortunately, he was so far away from it.

"Wow, I'm glad I wasn't there..." he walked and tripped over a rock "OW! I think I broke my leg!"

**Flashback's end**

We see Brian and Stewie coming in the house; Stewie was happy, but Brian is upset.

"Hey guys, how was Stewie's medical checking?" Lois asked.

" "It was good until Stewie changed his name of the appointment to mine and the doctor found out I had worms and he decided to castrate me" Brian explained "Fortunately Stewie blackmailed the doctor to let me go and that's the story"

"Come on, it was fun!" Stewie said.

"I swear this is the last I hang out with him" Brian replied.

Then Meg finally came back from school; she was VERY happy.

"Hey family!" Meg greeted.

"Wow, somebody is happy today in school" Lois commented.

"Yeah, what did you smoke now?" Peter asked.

"I met the most generous and kindest guy I ever met" Meg answered "His name is Edward Walker, but everybody calls him Eddie, he likes sports, he wants to become a film director and when I met him, he didn't call me names and as I forgot my lunch bag, he shared his lunch!"

"Sounds like a complete jerk" Peter commented.

"And that's not the best part" Meg said.

"What's the best part?" Brian asked.

"Oh, are you sure you want to know?" Meg asked blushing "Okay, he has a..."

Chris came in very happy too.

"He has a sister of my same age!" Chris cheered "Her name is Amy, she likes movies too and her dream is becoming a film producer. And she's hot"

"Well, I'm glad you kids got a couple of new friends" Lois praised.

"Once for a while..." Peter commented making Lois glaring him.

"Hey sis', can you help me with my homework?" Chris asked.

"Sure, little brother" Meg answered as they both go to his room.

"That's weird, Chris never asked Meg help for his homework" Lois said.

"Yeah, that's weirder than the time that Peter thought he was in the Matrix" Brian commented.

**Flashback**

We see Peter in a coffee shop until he met a sexy blonde woman wearing a red dress.

"Hey handsome, you come here all time?" the blonde woman asked seducing him.

"Wait, a sexy blondie talking to me?" Peter asked and then he gasped "I must be still in the Matrix!" he takes off his handgun "DIE ILLUSIONIST BITCH!" he shoots her.

**Flashback's end**

We see Lois with a basket of clean clothes for Chris; she walked to his room to see if her kids already done with Chris's homework. But she heard noises from that room. She heard Meg saying 'Harder, harder' and Chris saying 'Al...most...there!' She took a look at his room and she only could see them shirtless (Meg wearing a pink bra) and Chris shaking Meg. It was brief the scene and Lois freaked out and ran away, dropping the basket.

She went to the bathroom and washed her face with water. She looked at herself in the mirror.

"This can't be happening...it must be a misunderstanding" Lois said "Maybe, I'm a little tired"

"Hey, Lois" Brian greeted.

"AH!" Lois screamed "Brian, has anybody taught you to knock before entering?"

"Well, you let the door opened..."

"What would happen if I was taking a shower?" Lois asked interrupting "I could scream and Peter would beat you the crap out for seeing me naked"

"Lois, are you okay?" Brian asked.

"I'm fine, now I have to make dinner" Lois answered leaving.

"Wow, Lois seems more stressed than a lemming in a test day" Brian said.

**Cutaway**

We see a lemming in a test.

"Take it easy, Larry" Larry said mentally "Remember what your therapist told you..." finally, he lost control "I DON'T F*UCKING KNOW ANYTHNG ABOUT THIS. I WANNA DIE!" he jumped out through the window.

**Cutaway's end**

During dinner; Lois was stil shocked for what she saw than she barely eats her plate.

"Lois, are you okay?" Peter asked.

"You're the one who's fat, Peter!" Lois yelled freaked out "Sorry, I'm not feeling good right now"

"You got your period?" Peter asked.

"Yes" Lois answered making Peter laughing "Anyway; kids, did you finish Chirs's homework"

"Yes, we did" Meg answered.

"And we got a little fun" Chris said "Right, big sis'?

"You said it, little bro'" Meg answered.

Lois suddenly takes out a bottle of wine. She drank a slurb, slapped herself in the face twice and drank another slurb. Finally, she passed out.

"Wow, your mother is not feeling good right now" Peter said carrying her on his back "I'll put her in the bed"

Quagmire appeared through the window.

"I have a king-size bed if you want it" Quagmire said.

"Nice try, Weirdo" Peter said annoyed.

"Damn it!" Quagmire cursed.

Next morning; Lois woke up with a strong headache.

"God, I must have drank an 18th Century wine" Lois complained.

Peter came in with a plate of breakfast: cereal, eggs, bacon and orange juice.

"Good morning, honey" Peter greeted "I made you breakfast to make you better"

"Thanks, Peter" Lois thanked "Wow, this looks delicious, did you make it yourself?"

"Well, more and less" Peter answered.

**Flashback**

We see Joe going to the table of his kitchen and he couldn't find his breakfast.

"BONNIE, WHERE THE HELL IS MY BREAKFAST?" Joe asked pissed.

**Flashback's end**

Lois was eating the breakfast.

"Wow, it tastes good" Lois commented "By the way: how are the children?"

"Well, Brian took Stewie to the park and Chris and Meg went to the mall" Peter answered making Lois spitting the orange juice she was drinking.

"WHAT?" Lois asked freaked out "Why did you let them?"

"What's the big deal?" Peter asked "They're just going to buy some clothes for Meg. Although no clothes would ever look good on her."

"This is serious, we can't let our children hanging out all time!" Lois "They're through a stage that they could misunderstand anything"

"Okay, what the hell is wrong with you?" Peter asked "You've been acting strange since yesterday"

"Peter...I never told you before...but when our kids were doing their homework...I saw them having sex!" Lois said.

"What?" Peter asked "That's crazy"

"I don't know Peter, maybe it's a misunderstanding, but I'm not completely sure" Lois said "The only way to stay calm is spying on them to see if they're having a normal brother and sister relationship"

"In that case I'm coming with you" Peter said "To the Peter-copter!"

He went outside and drove his helicopter; but he crashed against Mort's house. He was taking a bath in the bathtub.

"No, no, no, no, no, NO!" Mort screamed falling down to the ground "Now I know what black people feel"

In the mall; Lois was dressed with a beige coat, a fedora and black glasses. Peter on other hand...his hair is black and sexy combed, he's wearing a gray and blue shirt, beige shorts and sandals.

"Peter, why are you dressed like that?" Lois asked.

"I'm not Peter, I'm Charlie Sheen" Peter said "I'm ready to drink, smoke weed and bump girls"

"Peter, you won't fool nobody with that" Lois said.

Chris and Meg showed up.

"Oh look, it's Charlie Sheen!" Chris cheered.

"Oh my god!" Meg cheered.

"Mr. Sheen, can you give me an autograph?" Chris asked with a piece of paper and a pen "I missed you in Two and a Half Men"

"Sure, why not?" Peter agreed signing the paper "So, what do you think of the new season with Ashton Kutcher?"

"It sucks, he's not funny like you" Chris commented.

"Really? I think Ashton is doing a good job" Peter said giving his 'autograph'.

"Mr. Sheen, can I take you a photo with me?" Meg asked "I want to make Connie jealous"

"Well, if it's to humiliate somebody, okay" Peter agreed as Meg posed with him and took the photo with her cellphone.

"Thank you very much, let's go Chris" Meg told both leaving.

"We have just met Charlie Sheen" Chris said.

"They didn't even notice my presence" Lois said.

"It's the power of being a celebrity" Peter replied.

"Okay, let's follow them" Lois said starting to follow them.

They began to follow them; they went to a boutique where Chris was helping Meg on choosing between a green blouse and a purple blouse, Lois was spying on them with the binoculars and Peter was flirting a woman, much for Lois's dismay. They went at a shoes shop where Chris is helping Meg on choosing a pair of red heels and a pair of blue heels, Lois continued spying on them and Peter flirting two women. And they stopped to a Victoria Secret shop where Chris helped Meg on choosing between a yellow lingerie set or a pink lingerie set, Lois was once again spying on them and Peter continued flirting women; Lois had enough and began to hit him with the binoculars.

After one hour following them; they took a break, so Meg and Chris **(A/E: Peter is wearing his normal clothes again)**.

"They're not showing any signs of a sick relationship, I guess it was just my imagination after all" Lois said.

"Yeah, can we go home now?" Peter asked suffering the hits that Lois gave him.

Chris and Meg stood up and went to the way of the movie theater

"Not yet, I think they're going to the movie theater" Lois said "Let's follow them a little more and we're done"

"Oh, come on!" Peter complained "Haven't you seen enough of a normal brother and sister relationship?"

"I'll buy you gummie bears" Lois said.

"Yeah, gummie bears!" Peter cheered.

Inside of the movie theater; the movie is playing was a horror movie about two teenagers being huaunted by a killer wearing a raccoon costume tainted with blood. They were watching the movie in 3D.

"Wow, that movie really sucks" Chris commented.

"But PETA's message about protecting raccoons couldn't be more clear" Meg said.

"Shh" a guy shuts her up.

Lois and Peter were sitting two seat lines back.

"So far, not sign of typical dating" Lois said.

"Oh, that sucks, they only had gummie worms" Peter complained.

" Can you stop complaining?" Lois asked annoyed "It's the same stuff"

"It's not the same stuff!" Peter whinned.

"Shh!" another guy shuts him up.

**Movie Cutaway**

We see the two teenagers hugging after they killed the killer.

"I love you, Brent" the girl said.

"I love you too, Zoe" Brent said "For now on, we'll protect the poor raccoons, so nobody could become a human killer like this bastard"

**Movie Cutaway's end**

_Oh Brent..._

_Oh Zoe..._

Chris and Meg was about to touch each other hands.

"Oh no, they're doing it!" Lois screamed.

"What? Let me see" then they fell down until they crashed against their children.

"Ow, that hurts me a lot than the hits you gave me" Peter said.

"Mom?" Meg asked.

"Dad?" Chris asked.

"Oh, hey kids..." Lois greeted nervous "It's curious we came too!"

Then the usher appeared with his lantern.

"Excuse me, but I have to ask you to leave for public disturbance" the usher said.

"Hey, why do you look a lot like Agent Smith?" Peter asked and then he gasped "I must be still in the Matrix!" "I'M GONNA KICK YOU ASS, HUGO WEAVING!" he attacked the usher.

Later in the Griffin; Lois tried to explain why did she follow them.

"I'm sorry for following you guys; it's just...seeing you guys hanging out is not normal" Lois said.

"You always told us to behave and be nice to each other" Meg replied.

"Yes, but why right now?" Lois asked.

"Maybe we should tell them" Chris said.

"NO!" Meg said.

"HA, I knew it you were hiding something!" Lois said.

"It's not what you think" Meg said "The reason of why Chris and me are hanging out, it's because we're learning how to be good brother and sister"

"She's right, even I helped her on spit a button she ate out using the Heimlich Maneuver" Chris explained.

"I thought it was an M&M" Meg replied.

**Flashback**

We see Meg chocking with the button.

"Don't worry Meg, I'll help you!" Chris said as he grabbed her and began to shake her so she can spit the button out "It's not working, it will be more easy without our shirts" he takes out his shirt and Meg's, revealing her pink bra and he continued shaking her "Come on, it has to work"

"Harder...harder!" Meg said.

"Al...most...there!"

The button was finally out.

"Are you okay?" Chris asked.

"Yeah...thank you" Meg thanked "You really saved my life"

"It's not big deal" Chris said.

"No, Chris, it IS a big deal" Meg said "This must be a sign...to be good brother and sister"

**Flashback's end**

"Oh...that explains EVERYTHING" Lois said blushing as hell.

"Not at all" Peter said "You began to be nice yesterday after school"

"Okay, maybe we should tell you how this fraternal love began" Meg said and then she looked at us "At the next chapter of Family Guy: OC Universe"

The title of the story appeared as G.I. Joe's old cartoon style:

_FAMILY GUUUUUUUUY!_

**End of the chapter**


	2. When they met them

**Chapter 2: When they met Them**

This chapter begins in the Griffins' house, when Meg and Chris were about tell their parents how their fraternal love blossomed.

"Okay, pay attention carefully, because I'm gonna tell this once" Meg said.

"Are you sure you want to hear it, Dad?" Chris asked "We know you're not interested in Meg's stories."

"True, but this time you're in it, so I'll do an exception" Peter said.

"Okay...here I go" Meg said taking a breath "It all began in James Woods High School..."

But she was interrupted by Brian and Stewie coming in. Brian seems happy, but Stewie seems angry.

"Hey guys, how was your day in the park?" Lois asked.

"It was great; I met a beautiful woman who brought her nephew to the park too" Brian explained "I found out we have a lot in common and I have a date with her tomorrow"

"Yeah, you got a great day with another stupid girl and you leave me with her annoying nephew" Stewie said "He's not even funny, he tells the worst jokes ever!"

**Flashback**

We see Stewie with a blonde boy.

"You know what's the difference between a teacher and a nurse?" the boy asked.

"What is it?" Stewie asked.

"Ask it to the teacher and you'll know it!" the boy answered with a laugh, but Stewie puts his hand on the forehead.

**Flashback's end**

"You guys have arriaved just in time" Lois said "Meg was telling us how she and Chris became a good brother and sister"

"But you interrupted me" Meg said crossing her arms.

"I'm sorry, please continue" Brian said.

"Okay, then..." she cleared her throats to start it "It all began in James Woods High School..."

**Flashback**

_Chris and I were having one of our typical days; sitting at the back of the bus only us...and Remy Redneck._

We see Meg and Chris sitting with a redneck guy.

"Howdie guys!" Remy greeted.

_Yeah, he's not an important character. Anyway; we continued our day with the usual pranks from the popular guys._

We see Meg taking out her books from her locker and Connie appeared.

"Hey, Griffin, wanna hear a joke?" Connie asked.

"Sure" Meg answered.

"What thing has four eyes, one big nose and one condom hat?" Connie asked.

"What is it?" Meg asked.

"I don't know, why don't you go to see yourself in the mirror?" Connie asked as she bursts of laughing.

_And Chris was no exception._

"Hey Chris, do you see that girl over there?" Scott asked pointing at a brunette girl wearing a blue blouse and a sky blue skirt.

"Susan Summers?" Chris asked.

"Tell her she's wearing a nice skirt" Scott told "Then ask her if you can take a look underneath"

"Okay" Chris agreed as he goes to Susan "Hey, Susan!"

"Hi, Chris" Susan greeted.

"You're wearing a nice skirt" Chris said.

"Thanks" Susan thanked.

"Can I take a look underneath?" Chris asked making Susan gasping and then slapping his face.

"You pervert!" Susan yelled and stormed out.

_Wait a minute..._

**Flashback's end (or interrupted)**

"Chirs, that was awful what you did!" Lois scolded him "I want you on Monday to apologize to that girl"

"What's the big deal?" Peter asked "We do the same thing all the time"

**Flashback**

We see Peter and Lois in their bedroom; Lois was wearing nothing, but a white bra and a long pink skirt and dancing for Peter.

"Hey Peter, I'm wearing a bra" Lois said seducing him "You wanna know what kind of underpants I'm wearing?"

"Damn sure I want" Peter said peeking under Lois's skirt "Hey, you're wearing granny panties!"

**Flashback's end**

"You promised me NOT to tell children about our 'SA's" Lois said annoyed.

"'Sexual Activities'?" Peter asked.

"Damn it, Peter!" Lois cursed.

"Excuse me, can I continue with my story?" Meg asked annoyed.

"Sure, sweetie" Lois answered.

"Thanks..." Meg thanked.

**Flashback**

_This day would be awful like any of these, but then..._

Principal Sheppard came in Meg's classroom.

"Good morning, class" Principal Sheppard greeted "Today is a special day, because you're going to have a new student. Please, give a nice welcome to: Edward L. Walker"

The student came in: it was a handsome teenage boy; he's brunette curtained hair. He's wearing a red t-shirt with a yellow star in the middle, a gray sport waistcoat, a golden amulet hanging around his neck, two iron weistbands on both wrists, denim jeans and brown shoes with white cotton socks. He was walking slowly, all the girls of the class were watching him with hearts on their eyes, he even waved his hair. His introduction happened with a fragment of the song 'Just the Way You Are'' lyrics by Bruno Mars.

_When I see your face (face)_

_There's not a thing that I would change_

_'Cause you're amazing (amazing)_

_Just the way you are_

It was him, the most handsome guy I ever met since Kevin Swanson. Maybe, he's as not muscular than him, but he still has a nice body.

"Mr. Walker, can you talk about yourself?" Principal Sheppard asked.

"Hi, I'm Edward, but you can call me Eddie" Eddie greeted "I like sports, going to the movies and my dream is becoming a film director"

"Very good, Mr. Walker" Principal Sheppard praised "You can take the empty seat over there"

He was sitting in front of me; I was totally shocked.

"Hi, I'm Eddie" Eddie greeted looking at Meg.

"Ah...h-h-hi!" Meg greeted stammering "My na-name is M-M-Meg Griffin"

**DING - DONG!**

**Flashback's end**

"Oh, just in time!" Peter cheered going to the door to answer and it was a pizza delivery boy.

"Here's three large pepperoni pizzas" the delivery boy said "That will be $19.49"

"Did you order pizza?" Lois asked.

"Yeah, you didn't even start making dinner and I'm hungry already" Peter answered paying the delivery boy "Don't worry, there's enough pizza for everybody"

"Yeah, pizza time!" Chris greeted.

"I'm not finished yet!" Meg said.

"Sorry, Meg" Brian said eating a slice "Please continue"

"Oh, can I tell that part where I met Amy?" Chris asked excited.

"Okay, Chris" Meg agreed.

"All right!"

**Flashback**

_I was sitting on my seat; picking the inside of my nose with my finger to find a treasure. My finger fought with a lot of green monsters called 'mucus' and black snakes called 'nasal hair'..._

_Ah...Chris, maybe you should skip it and tell the part where you met Amy._

_Good idea. My finger's quest was postponed when the principal appeared in my classroom._

Principal Sheppard came in Chris's classroom.

"Good morning, class" Principal Sheppard greeted "Today is a special day, because you're going to have a new student. Please, give a nice welcome to: Amy E. Walker"

The student came in: it was a cute teenage girl; she's blonde bobcut hair with a hairclip. She's using pink lip gloss. She's wearing diamond stud earrings on both ears, a pink t-shirt with burgundy sweater around her waist and a little heart with a little blue flower next to it in the middle of t-shirt, lavender and magenta wristbands on both wrists, light blue tights with a pink skirt over it and pink/red converse, with a pair of white lace socks. She's carrying a shoulder bag shaped like a panda. She was walking slowly, all the boys of the class were watching her with hearts on their eyes, she even waved her hair. Her introduction happened with a fragment of the song 'Nothin' On You'' lyrics also by Bruno Mars.

_Beautiful girls all over the world_

_I could be chasing but my time would be wasted_

_They got nothing on you, baby_

_Nothing on you, baby_

_It was the most beautiful girl I ever seen; more beautiful than Wonder Woman, the Invisible Woman and the blue girl who appeared in Avatar all together._

"Miss Walker, can you talk about yourself?" Principal Sheppard asked.

"Hi, my full name is Amy Elizabeth Polanski Neeson Blofovski Walker" Amy greeted quickly "I like listening Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, Kelly Clarkson, Ke$ha and Leona Lewis. My dream is becoming a film producer and actress, being the new Meryl Streep. I have an older brother studying here in the same school, he wants to be a film director, so technically we share the same dream...kinda. But at least we came out from our mother's uterus, of course, he came out first, following me, that's why's he's my older brother"

"I think we heard enough, Miss Walker" Principal Sheppard said making her stop talking "You can take that empty seat over there"

_Then she looked at me and her face got shocked._

"Is that...?" Amy asked totally shocked.

"Hi, my name is..."

Then Amy jumped towards him and gave him a powerful hug.

"RONNIE!" Amy cheered as they both fell down and began to cuddle him "I missed you very, very, very, very much!"

"Ah...my name is not Ronnie, it's Chris" Chris corrected.

Then Amy looked at him carefully and then...

"WHAT?" she pushed him away with her incredible strengh making him crashing agaisnt a locker over there "NO, IT HAPPENED AGAIN!"

_He, he, he..._

**Flashback's end**

"Is she really THAT strong?" Lois asked.

"She confused me with her little cousin" Chris answered "She told me he's 'the cutest little boy on Earth'"

"Is that true?" the delivery boy asked, who's still here and eating a slice of pizza "My girlfriend from high school always told me that I was the cutest boy on Earth until she dumped me and told me she was lying"

"Are you still here?" Peter asked.

"They're gonna fire me anyway" the delivery boy said.

"Okay, we'll give you extra tip" Meg said "Now shut your mouth if you want me to continue the story"

"I'll give you my word" the delivery boy said "My name is Paul; Paul Cooper"

"Nobody asked for your name" Peter said.

"All right, going back to my story..." Meg said.

"OUR story" Chris corrected.

"I mean, OUR story..." Meg said annoyed.

**Flashback**

_During lunch; me and Chris were having lunch. Well, at least him, because I forgot my lunch. But then; they appeared: the Walker siblings_.

"Hey guys, can we sit with you?" Eddie asked "Sorry for what my sister did to you"

"I couldn't help myself" Amy said.

"That's okay, I didn't get hurt" Chris replied.

"Hey, Meg, why the long face?" Eddie asked.

"I forgot my lunch and I'm very hungry" Meg answered.

"Listen, Consuela made me two tuna sandwiches" Eddie said taking out a tuna sandwich from his lunch bag"You can have one"

"Really?" Meg asked "Thanks!"

"Wait, do you refer your mother by her name?" Chris asked.

"No, Consuela is the maid of our house" Eddie answered "Our mother works as a model"

"And as she gained a lot of money, she paid people to do things that she used to do, something that sometimes we miss her since she became a model" Amy explained "But at least she gained a lot of money for a year and gave us some to spend on whatever we want; like my outfit, do you like it?

"I do like it..." Chris answered falling in love with her.

"Hey, today I have soccer training, maybe you guys can stay after school and watching us training" Eddie said.

"Both at you?" Meg asked thinking they both play soccer.

"Yeah, I'm a soccer player and Amy is a cheerleader" Eddie said.

"Oh crap!" Amy screamed of shocking "I don't have my cheerleader uniform!"

"Don't worry, sis', I have your..."

"I told Consuela to wash it and put it in my backpack!" Amy interrupted him as she was angry "When I go home, I'm gonna tell Mom to fire her!"

"It will be a shame is Consuela gets fired" Eddie said taking out something from his backpack "Just because she puts your uniform in the WRONG backpack" he takes out Amy's cheerleader uniform wrapped in a plastic bag from his backpack.

"You have it!" Amy exclaimed of excitement "Can you give it to me, please?"

"I'm not gonna wear it to train" Eddie answered "You do"

"Thank you very much, big brother" Amy thanked giving him a hug.

"Anything you want, little sister" Eddie replied rubbing her hair.

We noticed they're not typical siblings; but something sweeter than that.

God, that's disgusting!

**Flashback's end**

"PETER!" Lois scolded him "How can you say that?"

"They're helping each other instead of fighting, pulling out pranks and calling names!" Peter commented once again showing his total ignorance.

"Not all siblings do that" Lois said "Just remember at Elizabeth II and her sister Mary"

**Cutaway**

We see Elizabeth II and Mary when they were young girls during WW2.

"I am concerned about our father" Mary said "Since he became king, his stammer became worse"

"No need to worry, little sister" Elizabeth II told her "I am sure he will ask Mr. Logue for help"

"I feel much better now, thank you very much dear sister" Mary said.

"You are welcome" Elizabeth II replied.

**Cutaway's end**

"And remember the Twinklevoss Twins" Lois reminded him.

**Cutaway**

We see the Twinklevoss Twins training rowing.

"I'm sure we're gonna win the competition, right brother?" Cameron asked.

"We shared the same DNA, we're two people in one" Tyler answered.

"What if we don't win?" Cameron asked.

"Who cares? We still have the most famous social network in the world" Tyler answered.

"Yeah, Mr. Zuckerberg was a fool trying to mess up with us" Cameron agreed.

**Cutaway's end**

"Yeah, I know them, I watched those movies, remember?" Peter asked.

"Excuse me, can you let me finish my story?" Meg asked now pissed "And if I ever get interrupted, I'm gonna break your teeth again"

"Oh no, please don't!" Peter begged scared and covering his mouth "I won't say another word"

"Thank you, I was just kidding anyway" Meg thanked "Anyway; we agreed to watch their training after school..."

**Flashback**

We see Meg and Chris watching the cheerleaders and soccer players getting ready.

"Okay, ladies, we got a new soccer player in our team" the soccer coach said "Please give a welcome to Eddie Walker"

"Thanks for accepting me, coach" Eddie thanked.

"You're not officially in the team, Walker" the soccer coach said "Let's see what you got"

Eddie's speed skills were tested running with the ball in zig-zag evading the cones. Then his reflecting skills receiving soccer balls and hittingd them with his head. And finally his strengh level kicking the ball to get a goal.

"Good job, Walker" the soccer coach praised "Now, let's see how you can handle against other players. I want you to run with the ball to the net, your teammates will try to steal the ball, you'll need to avoid them. I'm warning you, they're my best boys, good luck"

"You can do it, big brother!" Amy cheered.

"Is that your brother?" girl #1 asked.

"He's cute" girl #2 commented.

"Yes, he is" Amy said "We're both cute"

Eddie was facing against 5 teammates. With full determination he ran with the ball, avoided his 5 teammates and finished this with a powerful kick making a GOAL!

"In my 20 years as soccer coach I never saw such good potential" the soccer coach commented totally imperased.

"That means I'm on the team?" Eddie asked.

"Not only that, you'll be the team's captain" the soccer coach said.

"Wait, I'm the captain of the team!" Scott said.

"Sorry, Scott, but you didn't improve enough to keep your stand" the soccer coach said "You're defense now"

"Damn it!" Scott cursed.

"Congratulations, Walker" the soccer coach said "I'm pretty damn sure you'll bring us to the victory"

"You did it, big brother!" Amy cheered giving him a hug.

"Thanks to your cheering, it was easy for me" Eddie said.

_That's when we realized what a good team they are..._

**Flashback's end**

"Thanks to them, they inspired us to become better" Meg said "The end"

"What a wonderful story" Lois commented.

"Is it true or did you guy make this up?" Peter asked "Because if it's fake, you just wasted our time. If it's true, then Karma is a bitch"

"Well, I think it's time to go" Paul said "It was a pleasure to meet you, Griffins"

"The pleasure was us for having you" Peter said "Now GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

"Paul's out!" he leaves.

"The important thing is that me and Chris are good brother and sister, our lives will no longer be the same" Meg explained.

"Hey guys, I think I found a treasure" Chris commented picking up his nose.

"Chris, it's unlikely that you would find a treasure inside your...oh my god!" Meg screamed disgusted.

Something came out from Chris's nose...no...it was a somebody: Captain Jack Sparrow.

"Bloody hell...I drank so much rum" Jack complained.

"Oh my god, it's Captain Jack Sparrow!" Meg screamed excited.

"Wait a minute, Jack Sparrow is not real, he's just a character played by Johnny Depp" Lois explained.

"Mr. Johnny Depp to you, Ma'am" Depp said.

"How did you end up in my son's nose anyway?" Peter asked.

"I always ended up in several places when I get drunk" Depp answered "I ended up inside of a bloody snake"

"And how did you came out?" Peter asked.

"You don't really want to know" Depp answered "Well, good-bye" he whistles to call the Black Pearl. The ship appeared, he climbed up and sailed away...leaving the house half-destroyed.

"Repairing the house will be extremely expensive" Peter commented.

**End of the chapter**

**(A/E: Thank you very much KaileyDawn21 for helping me on my characters' designs and personalities. You should win an Oscar for Best Costume Design and Best Adapted Screenplay)**


	3. Road to El Dorado

**Chapter 3: Road to El Dorado**

**(A/E: This chapter makes a parody of one of the DreamWorks animated pictures I watched when I was a kid. Maybe it's not that popular like the Lion King, but the songs of Elton John never died)**

Here's a little intro like the original movie: the title appears, a mayan drawing of two gods resembling Brian and Stewie appeared and created a city of gold.

_Our glorious city_

_Was build by the divinities of Gods_

_Who saw fit to bestow_

_The gift of a paradise_

_Peaceful and harmonious upon_

_Us mere mortals below_

_And made El Dorado_

_The magnificent and golden_

_One thousand years ago_

_El Dorado, El Dorado, El Dorado_

The intro ends and the chapter begins with the family on the Pewterschmidts' deluxe yacht.

"Thanks for this wonderful weekend, Daddy" Lois thanked

"Anything for my little girl" Carter replied.

"Look at me!" Peter called wearing Carter's captain suit and walking gayish "I am the captain of gay marines, don't forget to use sun protection!"

"Take off my captain suit, fatass!" Carter told him "God, I don't know why my son-in-law couldn't be more mature than my other son-in-law"

We see Mayor West washing Carol's hair with sprinkle water.

"Oh Adam, I love how you wash me my hair with sprinkle water" Carol said.

"A woman's hair is the most beautiful thing on Earth" Adam replied "Without it, a woman would be an alien"

We see Chris with his hands behind and feeling a good pleasure.

"Oh yeah Meg, I'm feeling excited!" Chris said as the scene zooms out to reveal Meg massaging his feet "How did you learn to give massages?"

"I went to the SPA with Mom once, you should go too sometime" Meg answered.

"Lois, how did your kids began to be nice to each other?" Babs asked "Usually Chris would put a crab inside Meg's swimsuit while she's taking the sun"

"Well, it's a long story, Mom" Lois said "And I know this will take time getting use to..."

"No, in fact: it's about time to see two siblings getting along after a LONG time" Babs said.

"Come on, Mom, we know me and Carol were nice girls too" Lois said.

**Flashback**

We see Lois and Carol as little girls; Lois was wearing a green party dress and Carol is wearing a blue one.

"I'll be the cutest girl of the party!" little Carol said.

"No, I'll be the cutest girl of the party" little Lois said.

"But Mommy told me that my dress is gorgeous" little Carol said.

"You look fat..." little Lois commented.

"What did you say?" little Carol asked.

"Nothing, my sweet little sister!" little Lois answered.

**Flashback's end**

We see Stewie beautifully swimming like he was a mermaid. He came out as he was humming 'Part of the World' until he saw Brian drinking a cocktail with a sad face.

"What's wrong, buddy?" Stewie asked.

"I'm still depressed because my relationship with the girl we met in the park never worked" Brian said.

"Come on, it wasn't your fault" Stewie said "How would you know that she was using you to make her ex-boyfriend jealous, so they can get back together?"

"Stewie, that doesn't make me feel any better" Brian answered.

"I know what will make you feel better" Stewie said taking out a kind of scroll and he revealed that it was a map.

"A pirate map?" Brian asked.

"A MAYAN map" Stewie corrected "When the Spanish conquers explored the American Continent's magnificents, or as they called it before: 'the New World'...

"Stewie, I know everything about the discovery of America, Christopher Columbus and Hernán Cortez" Brian said.

"But this is a map whose city was never be found" Stewie said "It was called: El Dorado"

"El Dorado?" Brian asked.

"The city of gold" Stewie answered "A lost city that nobody has ever even try to find it. And if they did, that's unlikely, they never be found"

"Forget it, Stewie" Brian said "I'm not coming with you on another crazy adventure"

"Come on, buddy!" Stewie said "This is a life time chance!"

"Mostly sounds like a suicidal mission" Brian replied.

"Besides, I already have my super speed mini-boat to find the island where the city habits" Stewie explained.

"There's no way that I'd take a step on that boat" Brian said crossing his arms and turned his head away.

"Okay, as you wish" Stewie said "I'm gonna tell Jillian that you're not coming with us"

"Wait, Jillian's here?" Brian asked.

"Yeah, she's right here in my boat and she's saying how much she misses you" Stewie "Did I mention that she's not wearing any underwear?

"Stewie...let's find El Dorado!" Brian said.

"YEAH!" Stewie cheered as they climbed down the yacht where the boat is, but Jillian is not here.

"Wait, where's Jillian?" Brian asked.

"You totally fell for it, dog" Stewie answered.

"SON OF A...!" Stewie closed the boat with a bubble plastic glass.

They sailed away with a speed of 120 mph. The trip to find the island took hours and hours...and hours...and hours...okay, it didn't take so many hours. But still a plenty time enough when they stopped and Stewie opened the bubble glass.

"What happened?" Brian asked "Why did we stop?"

"Bad news: the fuel is completely empty" Stewie answered "And we couldn't even find the island"

"WHAT?" Brian asked outraged "I thought you know where we're going!

"Don't yell at me!" Stewie told "I only have the map of the ISLAND where the city is. If you want to find the island: get a map"

"We're lost in the middle of the ocean and nobody knows where we are!" Brian said.

"Hey, you were the one who wanted to come" Stewie said.

"I did it, because...uh...because you tricked...oh, forget it!" Brian said turning around, crossing his arms and sitting down "I won't speak to you anymore"

"Ah...Brian, you better take a look up there" Stewie said looking up in the sky.

"I won't fall in any of your traps, Stewie" Brian said.

"Okay, as you wish" Stewie said.

We see some grey cloudes coming...and much later it turned into a fierce storm that our heroes had to fight to survive. At the next day; they were feeling tired, starved and thirsty.

"Stewie...I want to tell you something..." Brian said "Something that I wanted to tell you...a long time ago"

"What is it...?" Stewie asked.

"I hate you..." Brian answered "I hate you SO much..."

"Oh..." Stewie replied.

"But...it doesn't matter what I think anymore" Brian said "You made my life...(sniff) an adventure"

"Well, you made my life...richer" Stewie said getting emotional "You were the only friend...I ever have in my life"

"Really?" Brian asked "Then I guess...I should take out that comment about you"

Then they touched the water...but it wasn't water, but SAND!

"It's...it's...LAND!" Stewie and Brian cheered at the same time as they came out and began to kiss the land...until Brian accidentally kissed a skeleton stabbed by a sword and they screamed.

"I vote to go back to the boat!" Stewie said.

"I'm with you!" Brian agreed as he went back to the boat.

Stewie was about to follow him, but then he looked around and found something familiar. He took out his map and found an eagle head statue EXACTLY like the one in the map.

"Stewie, what are you waiting for?" Brian asked.

"This is it..." Stewie answered "This is the Island!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Brian asked.

"Everything on this island looks exactly like on the map!" Stewie answered "This is definetely the map to EL DORADO!"

They were silent for 3 seconds.

"You drank the sea water, didn't you?" Brian asked.

"Oh, come on!"

"I'm not coming on, I wouldn't step on quest for one million dollars on gold!" Brian said.

"Not even...a BILLION dollars on gold?" Stewie asked persuading him.

"What?"

"After all, it's the city of gold" Stewie answered "Our boat needs fuel and we can use the gold to make more. Or we can make rows with those palm trees and go back to Quahog, I'm sure we're be back in two or tree months"

Brian thought about it, he didn't want to be with Stewie a very long time, he wants to get out of this Island soon. And If they find gold in that city, they would leave soon and become rich.

"Okay, here's the plan: we find this lost city, we take the gold and we go back to Quahog" Brian explained.

"To BUY Quahog!" Stewie said.

"Now, how we're gonna get there?" Brian asked.

"We'll follow the trail" Stewie answered grabbing a sword on the ground where the skeleton is.

"What trail?" Brian asked.

"The trail that we blaze!" Stewie answered chopping at vines with the sword, but the vines fell down, it revealed a solid wall rock; much for Brian's dismay "THAT trail that we blaze!"

Brian sighed of annoyance and followed him.

_Look out new world here we come_

_Brave, intrepid and then some_

_Pioneers of maximum_

_Audacity whose resumes_

_Show that we are just the team_

_To live where others merely dream_

_Building up a head of steam_

_On the trail we blaze_

_Changing legend into fact_

_We shall ride into history_

_Turning myth into truth_

_We shall surely gaze_

_On the sweet unfolding_

_Of an antique mystery_

_All will be revealed_

_On the trail we blaze_

_The trail we blaze_

_Is a road uncharted_

_Through terra incognita to a golden shrine_

_No place for the traveler_

_To be faint-hearted_

_We are part of the sumptuous grand design_

_Changing legend into fact_

_We shall ride into history_

_Turning myth into truth_

_We shall surely gaze on the sweet unfolding_

_Of an antique mystery_

_All will be revealed_

_On the trail we blaze_

They fell down from a cliff to the deepest part of the jungle and fell uncocious; Brian woke up, grabbed the map and found a mural rock with a drawing of two people resembling Brian and Stewie.

"Stewie wake up" Brian told "We found it!"

"We did?" Stewie asked waking up"Where?"

"Here" Brian answered.

"What, behind the rock?" Stewie asked looking behind the rock.

"Nope, here" Brian answered.

"But, but...give me that!" Stewie snatches the map from Brian's hands "No...this... can't be..."

"Apparently, "El Dorado" is native for...GOD...DAMN... _**ROCK**_!" Brian shouted extremely furious as the word 'rock' was echoing around the jungle

"But I'll tell you what: I'm feeling generous today, so you can have my share!"

"You don't think that..." Stewie said "That anyone who came here could've gotten here before us and... and... "

"And what?" Brian asked "Taken all the goddamn rocks?"

"Look, we've got to think about this, I... I mean we come all this way and..."

"Let's...go...now!" Brian told.

Suddenly a misterious girl was running with something carrying; she crashed against Brian.

"Hey, watch out!" Brian told her looking at her.

The girl is black-haired, hispanic descendent and she's wearing a white and pink purple with a matching long loincloth, blue crystal bracelets and blue square earrings. Brian couldn't help but staring at her.

"Ah...can I help you? Brian asked.

But then they realized she was being chased by a group of Mayan guards holding spears as weapons. They captured the girl.

"We're dead" Stewie said.

"No, Stewie, let me handle this" Brian said "Ah...Hola, we are...turistas. We lost our group, can you let us go?" one of them pointed him with his spear "Ah...I didn't say it right?" but then they looked at them with the mural behind.

"Come with us..." The Mayan guard leader told.

"Wait, can they speak English?" Brian asked.

"It's a cartoon, Brian" Stewie answered "Everything can happen"

They followed the guards as the sunlight touches the mural rock, revealing it was actually made of gold. They went into a cave rowing in boats; after getting through of the cave; they saw the exit's sunlight...revealing an inmense city of gold.

"It's...it's...EL DORADO" Stewie and Brian said very shocked.

So many 'Doradoians' **(A/E: Don't laugh, it's hard making up names)** were watching the two strangers being escorted by the guards. A messenger passed the news to the chief of the city, who was playing with his 17 children. Another (or the same) messanger passed the news to the priest of the city. Everybody showed up to see Brian and Stewie.

"Well, I guess this is goodbye, Stewie" Brian said.

"Yeah...I told the girl you dated to cheat on you" Stewie confessed.

"Wait, what?"

"BEHOLD!" the priest exclaimed "The gods have arriaved and they are now with us"

"Wait a minute, we're not..." Brian said until he was interrupted by Stewie.

"My name is Stewie and this is Brian" Stewie said with a strong voice "And they call us Stewie and Brian: the Mighty Gods from the Exterior World"

"My lords, my name is Chief Tanahkuk Oktozuma III" Chief Tanahkuk greeted "And this is my loyal counselor and priest of the city: Tzel-Kan"

"It is an honor to meet our creators of our beautiful city" Tzel-Kan said.

"Look: this is misunderstanding" Brian said "We're from the outside, we didn't expect to came here..."

"And it looks like you captured THIS burglar!" Tzel-kan said grabbing the captured girl's arm "She was stealing one of the treasures of your temple"

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no; I received a sign" the girl said "I went to the temple and I saw the golden head shinning; it told me that two gods will come here, right my lords?"

"Let her go" Brian ordered.

"Okay, we will" Tzel-kan agreed "But she must return what she stole from your temple"

"My lords, it will be an honor having you living with us" Chief Tanahkuk.

"Yeah, that will be a problem" Brian said "We need to go back as soon is possible..."

"That's why we need some of your gold" Stewie interrupted.

"But, why do you need something so common like our gold?" Chief Tanahkuk asked.

"Quiet!" Tzel-kan told "You cannot question the gods' demands!"

"That's right, never question us!" Stewie warned with a strong voice "Respect our authority"

"At least stay here a night for a celebration in honor to you" Chief Tanahkuk said "Later we can give all the gold you need"

"Sounds fine to me" Brian said.

"Now, let us escort you to your temple" Tzel-kan said.

"Good, we got a temple" Stewie commented.

They arriaved at the temple where Brian and Stewie are going to stay.

"My lords, I hope you enjoy staying here" Chief Tanahkuk said.

"Thank you, now if you excuse us..." Brian said.

"With pleasure" Tzel-kan said as they both leave.

When they were finally alone; they burst of laughing.

"What a city of idiots!" Stewie commented.

"That's why people are stupid for believing a god" Brian said.

"This is perfect" Stewie said "It's just matter of time to take the gold and get the hell out of here!"

"And we'll do it as gods!" Brian said.

"Stewie and Brian!" Stewie cheered.

"Brian and Stewie!" Brian cheered.

"POWERFUL AND MIGHTY GODS!" Brian and Stewie exclaimed with strong voices and posing as gods.

"Hello" the girl greeted behind of them and they freaked out.

"Back off, mortal!" Stewie demanded "Or we'll strike you with a lightning!"

"You boys are good to fool people" the girl said "My name is Cella"

"Stewie, I think she knows" Brian said.

"Oh f*ck" Stewie cursed.

"I do not understand why people confused you with the gods of our city" Cella said "Looks like they never saw the exterior world"

"Okay, where's the trick?" Brian asked.

"There is no trick" Cella answered "I want to be in your trap"

"What? There is no...Why?" Brian asked.

"You boys never had a dream that would make you happy?" Cella asked "Mine is going outside and meet the exterior world!"

"Great, she's talking like a Disney princess" Brian complained.

"You both look like two valiants seeking for adventures" Cella said "I would like to join your team"

"Yeah that would be..." Brian said.

"Sorry sis', we don't accept vaginas in our team" Stewie replied.

"Stewie!" Brian scolded him.

"Okay, I understand" Cella replied "This looks like a good night for sacrifices"

"No, no, no, please don't!" Brian begged "Of course you can join us"

"I knew it you would accept me" Cella said as she gave them some Doradoian clothes for them "The celebration begins in 5 minutes; hurry up!" she leaves.

"Brian, what are you doing?" Stewie asked.

"If we don't let her joining us, she'll spill the beans and we're screwed" Brian answered "And I swear I don't have any feelings for her; she must be 19 years old"

"And you like dumb blondes" Stewie added.

"What?"

"Okay, maybe we can get her a job as a bartender in a Mexican restaurant" Stewie agreed.

"Thank you" Brian thanked already dressed "Now let's go out and enjoy the party as gods"

"I'm ready" Stewie said.

They came out making everybody playing music. Everybody was enjoying the party, Brian tastes their wine and he liked it.

"This is good" Brian commented.

"My lords, can you show us some of your mighty powers?" Chief Tanahkuk asked.

Brian spreaded the wine from his mouth due the chief's asking.

"Ah...yeah, why not?" Brian asked nervously.

"Stop the music!" Chief Tanahkuk ordered as the music stopped "The gods will show us some of their mighty powers"

"Stewie, if you have something to..." Brian said.

"Yes, I have" Stewie interrupted him as he took out his iPod, selected a song and...

_Shawty had them Apple Bottom Jeans [Jeans]_

_Boots with the fur [With the fur]_

_The whole club was lookin at_ her

"Are you serious?" Brian asked.

"Their music sucks; ours is must better" Stewie "Come on; I know you like it too!"

"Yes, you're right" Brian said as she began to dance.

Everybody began to dance; well, everybody except Tzel-kan, who begins to suspect our heroes.

_Them baggy sweat pants_

_And the Reeboks with the straps [With the straps]_

_She turned around and gave that big booty a smack [Ayy]_

_She hit the flo [She hit the flo]_

_Next thing you know_

_Shawty got low low low low low low low low_

The music ends and everybody was cheering.

"Thank you, everyone!" Stewie thanked as he slipped for a slice of pineapple and fell down; he cried like the baby he is.

"Oh Stewie, are you okay?" Brian asked.

"I think my knee is bleeding" Stewie answered.

Maybe nobody noticed it; but Tzel-kan was eyed-opened when he saw BLOOD on Stewie's knee; he stormed out. Cella was worried that people would see a god bleeding; she came to him, she took out some medical leaves and put them in Stewie's wound with a piece of her loincloth

"Wow, you're good" Brian praised.

"I learned some healing lessons from my father" Cella said also taking out a long purple cloth and covered Stewie's bottom "People must not see any blood in a god"

"Why not?" Brian asked.

We see Tzel-kan in his temple; he seems very angry.

"Because gods do NOT bleed..." Tzel-kan said cutting the palm of his hand and spreaded the face of the god resembling Stewie in the mural with his own blood, he cured himself afterwards "I will show my people the truth of these fake gods"

He took out his book of spells and read the instructions of how to control a stone beast...

Back to the party; Brian and Stewie were watching a children play about how the city of god was created.

"I will bring the earth and the water to this land" child actor #1 said.

"And I will the live to populate it" child actor #2 said.

"Wow, this play is pretty good" Brian commented.

"Come on, I can do better acting than they" Stewie said.

"Please, you cried like the baby you are in your preeschool's play..."

Then they felt the ground trembling; everybody noticed it. Suddenly from Tzel-kan's temple, a giant jaguar stone alive appeared and terrorized the people. When Stewie and Brian saw it...they screamed like little girls.

"Let's see what you got...'my lords'" Tzel-kan said over the jaguar.

The jaguar began to chase them and they began to run. The guards began to fight against the giant jaguar, but he was unstoppable. They continued running until arriaved to cliff near of an enormous water whirlpool.

"What is this, Cella?" Brian asked.

"This is the entrance to Uxbalba" Cella answered "The spirit world where we send our people as sacrificies to our gods"

"If I'd choose someone to sacrifice for me...I'd choose my mother" Stewie said.

"Aw, that is cute" Cella coed thinking the mother's love to his child.

"He's not meaning something like that" Brian said.

The jaguar finally appeared in front of them; so Tzel-kan.

"Well, well, well...I never thought exterior people would cause a lot of problems" Tzel-kan said as he looked at Cella "But you..." he slapped her in the face like any bastard man does to a woman to show his superiority over her "You are not only a burglar, but a traitor"

"I am not a traitor...I just want to know the exterior world" Cella said.

"It will be a shame...because you'll never see the light again!" he was about to finish them.

"What we're gonna do?" Brian asked.

"We have to jump" Stewie answered.

"What; are you insane?" Brian asked.

"Or you prefer to die being killing for a giant cat?" Stewie asked.

"Jaguar" Cella corrected.

"It's the same" Stewie replied "Well?"

"Okay..." Brian agreed as they turned around "Let's countdown from 3"

"3..." Cella said.

"2..." Stewie said.

"1..." Brian said.

"JUMP!" everybody jumped off to the whirlpool, even Tzel-kan and the jaguar.

Everybody entered to the spirit world...the screen turned blank.

We see an unconcious Brian waking up; he looked around and realized he's back in the beach. Stewie was aside of him too.

"Stewie, where are we?" Brian asked "Did we get back to the beach?"

"I don't know..." Stewie said.

"STEWIE!" a familiar voice called "BRIAN!"

The voice's owner was Lois; they realized they were in a public beach.

"There you are" Lois said "It looks like you guys like to get in trouble"

"Lois, how did you find us?" Brian asked.

"What are you talking about?" Lois asked "You guys fell asleep the entire trip; we arriaved at Florida"

Later; the whole family was eating in a Mexican rastaurant. Brian came to the bar stand to have a drink.

"It looks like you're not depressed anymore" Stewie said.

"I guess this whole adventure was just a dream after all" Brian said.

"What can I get you, sir?" the female bartender asked...oddly, she looks A LOT like Cella.

"A...an Acapulco Gold, please" Brian said.

"Right the way" the female bartender replied.

"Hey, she looks a lot like..." Stewie said.

"JUST-A-DREAM...Stewie" Brian interrupted him.

Oddly enough; we see a janitor who looks A LOT like Tzel-kan cleaning a jaguar stone EXACTLY like that one from El Dorado, but in smaller scale.

**End of the chapter**

**(A/E: I hope you enjoy this chapter parody of that movie, I don't know if you guys remember that movie, because it was a bomb office box. Anyway, if you guys know any movie I watched too, comment below to let me know, please)**


	4. Passover the Sadness

**Chapter 4: Passover the Sadness**

**(A/E: I decided to re-edited this chapter for being TOO offensive. Enjoy it!)**

This chapter begins at James Woods High School; today was the first day of the Ten Days of Easter. Everybody seems excited, especially Amy who's wearing bunny headbands and giving bunny headbands to everyone.

"Happy Easter everyone!" Amy cheered as she gave a bunny headband to a random student "Here's your bunny ears!" she does the same thing to another student "Here's your bunny ears!" she does it again "Here's your bunny ears!" she does it again "Here's your bunny ears!" she does it again "Here's your bunny ears!"

"Hey Amy, what are you doing?" Meg asked.

"Here's your bunny ears, Meg" Amy answered giving her a bunny headband "I'm giving everyone the spirit of the Easter"

"My sister loves celebritating every holiday of the year" Eddie said holding a camera "I film all her activities for my home movie collection"

"You do home movies?" Chris asked.

"Yeah, I even have a video where Amy was changing a diaper to a bear for a school project" Eddie explained "It was VERY cute!"

He was waiting for a flashback...but nothing.

"Where's my flashback?" Eddie asked.

**(A/E: Sorry, Ed. But I think it will be funnier if you do references of movies)**

"Well in that case: Amy's video was cuter than any Hazao Miyazaki's movie" Eddie said.

**Flashback**

We see Eddie watching TV.

_And we return with Ponyo_

"OH MY GOD!" Eddie cheered "THOSE CHARACTERS ARE CUTE!"

**Flashback's end**

"Yes, I have an obsession about cute things" Eddie said.

Suddenly they heard somebody crying inside the janitor's room.

"Who's crying inside of the janitor room?" Meg asked.

"I don't know, when I'm sad, I eat a bowl of ice cream" Amy answered "Of course I don't eat too much or I'd have a stomach ache. And if I have a stomach ache, I wouldn't be able to eat all the things that I like and that's makes me very sad. And when I sad and sick, I eat a bowl of..."

"I think we already get it, Amy" Meg said making her stop talking.

"But how do you eat a bowl of ice cream with a stomach ache?" Chris asked.

"Not a bowl of ice cream, silly; a bowl of vegetables soup" Amy answered.

"Let's see who's crying" Eddie said opening the door to find out Neil Goldman crying in fetal position.

"What's the matter Goldman?" Meg asked arrogantly "Another bully locked you inside?"

"Meg, how could you say that?" Eddie asked.

"He's a freaky insidious nerd who used to stalk me every day" Meg explained "But since his mother was killed by Diane Simmons, he stopped it"

"Neil, are you okay?" Eddie asked.

"Leave me alone..." Neil told "My life is no longer the same since my mother was killed by a crazy anchorwoman...I'm feeling like Captain Kirk without his Mr. Spock...like Wolverine without his adamantium claws"

"Great, he's starting with his nerdy attributes" Meg complained.

"If you excuse me, I'm going to see if the jocks want me to put my head in the toilet" Neil said standing up and walking away.

"Poor guy" Eddie said "We gotta help him"

"Yeah, Big Bro is right!" Amy said "Let's go and help the Jar Jar Binks of the show!"

"No way! He's a stalker and a pervet!" Meg said.

"Meg, will you stop act like a f*cking bitch?" Chris asked.

"Fine" Meg sighed "But I'm not going to enjoy it just like the time I watched _Transformers: Dark of the Moon_ with my dad"

**Flashback**

We see Peter and Meg going out from the movie theater; Peter was excited, but Meg wasn't.

"That was the best Transformers movie ever!" Peter said "There were..." he made an explosion noise And then..." he made shooting noises "And then Optimus Prime said..."

"This is the last time I'm going to the movies with you, dad!" Meg said.

"Geez, I'd wish you could be more like Shia LaBeouf's new girlfriend" Peter said "Underwear models are always sexy"

**Flashback's end**

Meanwhile at Stewie's preschool; they were doing a school play rehearsal where all the children are dressed like bunnies; girls are pink and boys are white. They were dancing and bouncing like bunnies.

_This is the land of the bunnies_

_Where everybody hides their eggs_

_And there's a bunny who likes to find them_

_And his name is Mr. Red..._

They were waiting for the lead character...but he didn't show up.

"Cut!" the teacher who's directing the play told "Mr. Red Ribbon, this is where you come out" but he didn't show up "Okay, take a break of 5 minutes" she came backstage to talk to the lead character.

Mr. Red Ribbon was Stewie, who's wearing a bunny costume like everybody, but with a red Ribbon.

"Stewie, you suppose to come out and introduce yourself as Mr. Red Ribbon" the teacher said.

"I can't do this Ms...I can't come out even without a crowd" Stewie said scared "I mean; I'm wearing a very comfy costume"

"Do you feel embarassed?" the teacher asked.

"What happen if I get a boner and the crowd look at it and laugh at me?" Stewie asked "People will say 'Hey, this kid gets excited by wearing that silly costume!' and then "Yeah, I bet he's gay'"

"Stewie, I know you're feeling nervous for the play" the teacher said "Trust me: everybody does"

"No, they're not!" Stewie corrected "Just take a look at them"

We see the children getting bored, over-confident and playing cards to kill time.

"Listen Stewie; this play is important for this school" the teacher said "If we don't a good show, the parents will think their children are not special and the children would give up following their dreams. Is that what you want?"

"No, at least if their dreams are being my slaves to dominate the world" Stewie answered "But still I can't come out to stage!"

"I'll need some profesional help" the teacher said taking out her phone to call somebody.

"God, I'm feeling more awful than a 300 years old turtle" Stewie said.

**Cutaway**

We see a turtle family celebrating an extremely old turtle's birthday.

_Happy Birthday to you_

_Happy Birthday to you_

_Happy Birthday Great-Great-Great grandfather..._

_Happy Birthday to you_

"I'm getting sick listening that song every year..." the old turtle said.

**Cutaway's end**

Meanwhile at the music classroom; Neil was playing the clarinet until Eddie showed up.

"Hey Neil!" Eddie greeted "Looks like you play the flute pretty good"

"It's a clarinet" Neil corrected "If you watched _SpongeBob SquarePants_ when you were kid, you'd know the difference"

"Anyway; the instrument I play is the bongos" Eddie said "Would you like to listen?"

He played the bongos with a good rhythm.

"Okay, what do you think?" Eddie asked.

"I heard better music in a jazz club full of black people" Neil commented as he leaves.

"Do you feel better?" Eddie asked.

"_Piss off_!" Neil answered off-screen.

"Darn it..." Eddie cursed as he played the bongos defeated.

Meanwhile at Stewie's preschool; Lois was talking with the teacher about Stewie's stage fright.

"Mrs. Griffin, your son must get over his fear before the play" the teacher said "That's why I hired a professional to help him"

"Is that a good idea?" Lois asked "I know Stewie is a little too shy and I'd do anything to help him"

"Mrs. Griffin, please say 'hello' to our self-esteem adviser: Mr. T" the teacher said.

The adviser Mr. T appeared with a spectacular introduction, posing his muscles.

"Oh yeah, Mr. T has arriaved!" Mr. T said.

"Oh my god, is that you?" Lois asked antonished.

"One and the same" Mr. T said "I heard your son has stage fright; but I'm gonna crush it to turn him into a man steel!"

"Ah...when you say 'crush it', you're meaning...?" Lois asked.

"That's right; making him strong than steel!" Mr. T answered "Just leave him to me and his stage fright will be gone forever"

"God, this is gonna be worse than when the Fat Man leave me in Mexico" Stewie complained.

**Flashback**

We see Stewie in a poor town of México.

"Oiga, señor (hey, sir)" a Mexican bum called him "¿Tiene algo de cambio? (You have any change?)"

"I'm gonna kill him slowly and painful" Stewie said.

**Flashback's end**

Neil was working on his laptop until Chris shows up.

"Hey Neil!" Chris greeted "You wanna hear a joke?"

"Chris, I'm busy working on my project" Neil answered.

"It will be quick" Chris said "Here's the joke: Why didn't the patient trust the Japanese doctor?"

"Why?"

"Because his name was Dr. Yuudai!" Chris answered as he burst out laughing "You got it? Because 'Yuudai' sounds like 'You die'!"

"Chris, comedy isn't your pro" Neil commented as he leaves.

"It works in a cutaway" Chris said.

**Cutaway**

We see a patient and a Japanese doctor.

"It will be great being your patient, Dr...?" the patient asked.

"Yuudai" Dr. Yuudai answered.

The patient ran away screaming.

**Cutaway's end**

Meanwhile at Mr. T's gym; we see him and Stewie in a studio.

"All right, kiddo" Mr. T said "The first thing to get over your fear is do what I say, okay?"

"Yes, sir" Stewie answered.

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU SOLDIER!" Mr. T exclaimed.

"SIR, YES, SIR!" Stewie replied posing like a soldier.

"All right!" Mr. T "The best way to beat your fear is...punching this steel block"

He shows a steel black.

"Are you kidding me?" Stewie asked.

"I'm not kidding, I want you to punch him REALLY hard!" Mr. T said "Now, DO IT!"

Stewie punched the block and he got his hand hurt.

"OW!" Stewie screamed of pain.

"Too soft, AGAIN!" Mr. T ordered.

"I don't want to!" Stewie whinned.

"You better do it if you want me to give beat you the crap out like I did in_ Rocky III_!" Mr. T warned "AGAIN!"

"SIR, YES, SIR!" Stewie exclaimed.

Next day at school; Neil was taking out his books from his locker...until Amy showed up and began to sing to cheer him up.

_This is your singing cheering_

_I hope this makes feel you well_

_I'm here to cheer you up_

_'cause I think you're really sweet_

She continued singing during P.E. Class and a ball hits Neil's face, breaking his glasses.

_Depression is not an option_

_So let me helping you_

_I'll make your day delicious_

_Being_ happy me and you

She's still singing during the lunch hour; Neil was wearing another pair of glasses, but he has a black left eye.

_Let's play some games and dancing_

_Bob for apples, cut a rug_

_And when your day is over_

_We'll gather 'round for a group hug_

She continues singing even Neil still working on his project on his laptop; but she's starting to get tired.

_No need to give me thanks_

_Being with me will be enough_

_Having friends to cheer you up_

_Means not being such a crank_

The school day was finally over and Amy was totally exhausted when she was singing the last part of the song.

_Being sad is not so healthy_

_So I hope I see you smile_

_Being Happy is the perfect way_

_To continue moving on_

She collapsed.

"Finally; hearing a song 60 times makes you sick" Neil commented as he leaves.

"Did it work?" Eddie asked.

"No, he's like a joy sucking vampire" Amy answered "And usually this song makes you VERY happy once I sing it"

"This is awful" Eddie commented "We've been trying to cheer him up for days and he's still depressed"

"You're wasting your time" Meg said "Just leave it like that"

"Wait a minute; you didn't give your part" Chris said "You should try to SEDUCE him"

"Are you out of your f*cking mind?" Meg asked outraged "I won't sleep with him just to make him feel better!"

"You don't have to" Eddie said "Just be sexy to him and if it goes too far, call us to rescue you"

"Come on, Meg" Amy said as she shows her pulpo eyes "Please, please, please, please, please, please, PLEASE?"

"All right, I'll do it!" Meg agreed relunctantly "God; this is gonna be worse than the time Dr. Hartman accidentally gave me a sex change surgery"

**Flashback**

We see Meg transformed into a man **(A/E: or as Ron)** yelling at Dr. Hartman.

"I asked for a liposuction, NOT for a penis!" Meg (or Ron) yelled at him.

"I'm awfully sorry, Meg" Dr. Hartman said "The nurse must have accidentally mixed your papers with a woman who wanted to be a man. I'll change you back and then I'm gonna fire her"

"Do it or I'll set fire to your house..." Meg (or Ron) threatened him.

"Wow; now I understand why that woman wanted to be a man" Dr. Hartman commented.

**Flashback's end**

Meanwhile at Stewie's preeschool; the teacher and Lois were waiting for Mr. T and Stewie. Finally he shows up.

"There you are" Lois said "How's my Stewie?"

"I did it" Mr. T answered "It was hard, but your son has finally become one of the bravest little guys after me"

Stewie shows up; he's wearing a wig and face beard to look like Mr. T; he even wears the same outfit.

"I'm ready, mother..." Stewie said with a tough tone.

"Oh my god!" Lois screamed "What have you done to my baby?"

"He's fine; it's just the outfit" Mr. T "But I can guarantee he's no longer a coward"

"I hope you knew what you were doing" Lois said "Not like that green muscle man I asked to help me sum my taxes"

**Flashback**

We see Bruce Banner doing the sum of Lois's taxes.

"Why they can't make this more SIMPLE?" Bruce asked losing the patience "ARGH!" he became Hulk, but he calm down quickly "Well, somebody has to...fill it"

**Flashback's end**

Tonight in a luxury hotel; Eddie and Amy were in the air conducts. They were communicating with Meg through communicators.

"Chris called; Neil will be here in any minute" Eddie said "Are you ready, Meg?"

"I'm warning you: if I end up having sex with him for real, you're dead" Meg warned, who's wearing a pink bath robe.

"Got it" Eddie agreed.

"I'm serious; I'll rip your heart out and give it to Brian to eat" Meg added.

"I told you it's not gonna happen" Eddie said "If this turns ugly we're going to rescue you"

"Okay" Meg agreed turning her communicator off "Be brave, Meg" she puts on a blonde wig to get the hair she had when she was a singer and she was about to take off her bath robe.

Neil was walking around the hallways looking for a room; he's holding a piece of paper.

"I wonder who wrote this note to come here" Neil said when he found the door.

He opened the door and found Meg wearing a sexy pink nightie in the bed, lights off and candles all around.

"Hi, Neil..." Meg greeted with a sexy tone.

"Ah...Meg, what's all this?" Neil asked pretty nervous.

"I heard you were depressed for the loss of your mother..." Meg answered standing up and getting closer to Neil "...so, welcome to every nerd's heaven"

"Wait, what you're gonna do?" Neil asked blushing as hell.

"I thought this is your dream..." Meg answered "You, me, having S-E-X, you can spell, so you perfectly know what I mean..."

"Ah...Meg, this is going to sound unbelievable, but I DON'T want to have sex with you" Neil said.

"WHAT?" Meg asked pissed off "You stalked me for a long time and when I give you the chance to do it with me, you REJECT me?"

"It's because..."

"It's because I'm not enough pretty for you?" Meg asked "That's great, you're the only guy in this damn school who doesn't think I'm ugly; I thought you were different, but you're another douchebag like everyone else!"

"Can you listen...?" Neil asked.

"I know you're in hurt for your mother's death, but you'll never be a man if you keep being a such crybaby!" Meg said.

"You were right on this part, Meg" Neil said "But I'm not only sad because my mother's death...but my girlfriend's missing as well"

"Wait...what?" Meg asked.

"Do you remember Cecilia?" Neil answered.

"The girl you used to make me feel jealous?" Meg asked.

"Yeah, I confess that it was a trick to make you feel jealous" Neil answered "But, I got to know her very well and she was a sweet girl; even sweeter than you"

"Then, what happened to her?" Meg asked putting on her bath robe and glasses back and taking off her wig.

"She joined the army to fight in the Iraq war" Neil answered "You see; she lost her mother and older brother in 9/11; so one day she got the guts to join the army substituing her father dressed as a man, you know like Mulan...one day I visited her house...and I found her father crying and told me she was gone. I wanted to join in, so I can try to convince her to quit before she gets killed.

Unfortunately; they didn't let me due my psysical condition; I have so many medical issues: asthma, diabetes, several allergies, high blood pressure, etc. Let's face it, no army would accept someone whose ass could be kicked by a handicapped"

"Oh my god, Neil" Meg said "I'm sorry for what I said early, I didn't know"

Then water drops was dropping from the roof.

"What's going on?" Neil asked "The water is broke?"

Meg looked at the roof and the water drops were coming from the air conduct where Eddie and Amy are.

"I even heard somebody crying as if he or she watched a romantic sad movie" Neil commented.

Then the air conduct was opened and the Walker siblings fell down.

"What the hell?" Neil asked "Were you spying on us?

"We're sorry, Neil" Eddie apologizies "We were trying to cheer you like we always did this whole week"

"But your story was so really sad!" Amy commented with tears on her eyes hugging Eddie's arm "I'd be that sad if Eddie die!"

"The point is...you can't live feeling depressed all time" Eddie "You're still young and you have too much to live"

"You have to enjoy life like me!" Amy said.

"Well, not exactly like my sister, but you still have to move on" Eddie replied.

"You were right you guys" Neil said "I have to forget my sadness and move on"

"That means you're going to continue stalking me" Meg said.

"Not anymore, I'm gonna archive my biggest dream" Neil said "Writting the best comic book EVER!"

"That's good, Neil" Eddie praised.

"Thank you guys" Neil thanked as he made the Vulcan salute "Live long and prosper" he leaves.

"I can't believe I'm gonna say it: but I'm glad to have Neil back" Meg commented.

"Nobody knows, nerds have more imagination than any child and adult together" Eddie said "If his comic book becomes famous, it could become a great movie too"

"You're the best, bro!" Amy cheered.

Then Chris enters the room.

"Hey guys, I saw Neil very happy leaving the building" Chris said.

"That's right, mission accomplished" Eddie replied.

"So, he and Meg finally slept together?" Chris asked.

"Chris, come with me to the bathroom" Meg told him.

"Okay" Chris agreed as they both get into the bathroom, Meg locked up the door and then we hear punches sounds meaning Meg is kicking Chris's ass.

"We should leave them alone" Eddie said.

"Good idea" Amy agreed as they both leave.

Meanwhile at Stewie's preeschool; all the parents came to see their children's play.

"I'm so excited to watch Stewie finally acting in front of people" Lois said.

"Yeah, I just came here, because there were nothing good on TV" Peter said.

**Flashback**

And now Harry Potter...

"Yeah!" Peter cheered.

_...and the Order of Phoenix_

"Ah..." Peter sighed of disappointed.

**Flashback's end**

The play had just began and the children began to sing and dance the song from the earlier of the chapter.

_This is the land of the bunnies_

_Where everybody hides their eggs_

_And there's a bunny who likes to find them_

_And his name is Mr. Red..._

Stewie finally came out, but instead of wearing his costume, he's wearing bunny headbands and red ribbon and he's still wearing Mr. T outfit. He begins to dance toughly and punching the kids while he sings the song 'Eye of the Tiger'.

**End of the chapter**

_Risin'up back on the street_  
><em>Did my time, took my chances<em>  
><em>Went the distance now i'm back on my feet<em>  
><em>just a man and his will to survive<em>  
><em>so many times it happens too fast<em>  
><em>You trade your passion for glory<em>  
><em>Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past<em>  
><em>You must fight just to keep them alive<em>

"Wow, this is the best play ever!" Peter commented.

"Oh...my...god..." Lois said really shocked.

We see Mr. T backstage watching the play.

"You made me proud, son..." Mr. T said brimming a tear "You made me proud.

_It's the Eye of the Tiger_

_It's the thrill of the fight_  
><em>Risin'up to the challenge of our rival<em>  
><em>And the last known survivor<em>  
><em>Stalks his prey in the night<em>  
><em>And he's watching us all<em>  
><em>with the Eye of the Tiger<em>


	5. Amy Walker, The Rooting, Tooting Cowgirl

**Chapter 6: Amy Walker, the Rooting, the Tootint Cowgirl from...Quahog?**

**(A/E: This chapter is from KaileyDawn21's idea; so I'll give her thanks for her idea and make sure I share my credit with my collaborators. Enjoy it!)**

This chapter starts with Chris's and Amy's class visiting a local ranch where they raise cows. Chris was coming out following Amy, who's dressed for the trip: a new pair of cowboy boots, pink cowboy hat, denim skinny jeans, and a pink frannel shirt.

"Oh yeah' this is goin' to be fun!" Amy said with southern accent.

"Why are you speaking like that?" Chris asked.

"I like to dress for the ocassion" Amy said speaking normally "Besides, it helps me practicing my accents if I'm going to be an actress. You want to hear a Brittish accent?"

"Yeah, why not?" Chris said.

"Excuse me sir, but it's bad education seeing a woman's fanny" Amy said with a Brittish accent.

"I'm not staring at a girl's butt..." Chris said until he stared at Susan Summers's butt "Oh wait, now I'm staring at Susan's butt"

Susan heard that and slapped him...again.

"You're the worst, Griffin!" Susan yelled at him and stormed out.

"Bloody hell..." Chris cursed.

The class was reunited to meet the owner; a dark brunnete haired man with a mustache; he wears a brown cowboy hat, a brown jacket over a blue shirt, brown slacks and black boots.

"Class, please give a nice greeting to the owner: Mr. Samuel 'Sam' Rose" the teacher said.

"Howdy, little fellas!" Sam greeted "Looks like y'all ready to meet my farm, right?"

"What did he say?" Chris asked.

"'y'all' means 'you all', that's us" Amy answered.

"Let's get it started" Sam said as the tour begins "This is where we raise our cows, if the cow is healthy its meat will be good. The oldest cows, yet healthy, are sent to the slaughter, where we turn them into different shapes of meat. The brave ones can come with me to see the procedure and the yaller dogs can skip it and wait for the brave ones on the other corner where the exit is"

"Yeah, we're going to see cows becoming meat!" Chris cheered "Wanna come, Amy?"

"Heck no!" Amy answered "I don't want to see how they kill the poor cows"

"I do, so see you in right the exit!" Chris said entering the slaughter.

Amy felt bored for the trip; she looked around and found a peach stallion with white hair far away. Instead of following her classmates, she decided to split up from them and get into trouble. The peach stallion was eating hay and Amy appeared foward.

"Hi, fella" Amy greeted "That hay doesn't looks delicious; how about an apple?" she takes out an apple, the peach stallion looks at it and slaps it away with his muzzle "Hey, that was rude!" the peach stallion whinnes angrily making Amy back off "Whoa, easy girl!" the peach stallion jumps his foward legs to make a fighting-like threat, Amy gets scared and ended up in the mud "Gosh darn it, now my clothes are dirty"

"They're supposed to be dirty" Somebody said off-screen.

Amy looked up and she saw a sandy tan skin girl; she has wrinkles in the face, no lipstick and dark brown in a waist length braid hair. She wears an orange and yellow flannel blouse, dark blue skinny jeans, brown leather cowboy boots, and a cowboy hat. She's rididing a brown stallion.

"You look like any Yankee girl" the cowgirl said "I'm Katie Rose, the owner's daughter and this is my fella: Chocolate. Looks like you already met Peaches"

"Amy Walker" Amy greeted "So this angry animal's name is Peaches, right? You should teach her some manners"

"She's already trained, but you need to be nice to her" Katie explained "First of all: she doesn't like apples; she likes peaches"

"Oh, that's why you named your horse Chocolate" Amy said "Because she must eat chocolate!"

"Ahh...you Yankees have so much to learn" Katie sighed "What are you doing here anyway? This is private property"

"I'm here in a school trip" Amy answered "But I saw this white horse and I wanted to be her friend"

"You want to ride her?" Katie asked.

"What?"

"You want to ride Peaches?" Katie asked again.

"Really?" Amy asked "I'd like to; that would be very, very fun!"

"All right, I'll ask my dad if you can come here" Katie said.

"Oh boy, this is gonna be funnier than playing _Duck Hunt_!" Amy commented.

**Cutaway**

We see a _Duck Hunt_ gameplay: the player was trying to shoot a duck, but the ducks flew away making the dog laughing at the player. The player has enough and he shoots the dog instead.

**Cutaway's end**

Meanwhile at James Woods High School; Eddie was walking in the halls until he found Scott and his jocks bullying a guy with an i-Phone; he has dark brown hair, he's wearing a jean vest with a name tag over his black t-shirt, denim jeans and black nikes.

"Give me that!" the guy demanded.

"What's the matter, Matt Kennedy?" Scott asked mocking "You want your little i-Pod back?"

"It's an i-Phone!" Matt corrected.

"Hey, you!" Eddie called crossing his arms "What did I tell you about bothering guys?"

"He was using a stupid i-Pod" Scott answered.

"i-Phone!" Matt corrected again.

"Shut up, nerd!" Scott said.

"**ENOUGH!**" Eddie demanded as his head **(A/E: Slapstick effect)** turned into a dragon head: red scales, golden eyes, two horns in his head and sharply teeth "**LEAVE HIM ALONE...**"

"Y-Y-Yes..." Scott replied stammering and extremely nervous, just like the other jocks.

"**YES, WHAT?**" Eddie asked with a very menacing voice **(A/E: Just imagine Hugo Weaving voicing Megatron)**.

"We'll leave him alone!" Scott said almost crying.

"**GOOD...NOW, GO!**" Eddie demanded as they ran away.

Eddie's head returned back to normal and he helped Matt in getting up.

"Are you okay, pal?" Eddie asked.

"I guess" Matt answered "How did you do that to make them runaway?"

"When I'm angry, everybody looks at me as a dragon or something like that" Eddie answered as they both laughed "Anyway; I'm Eddie Walker"

"Matthew Kennedy, but everybody calls me Matt" Matt said.

"Looks like you have an i-Phone" Eddie said.

"Actually it's not an i-Phone, I said it was because it's actually a 'CPS'" Matt explained "'Computer Programs Storage'"

"How many computer programs do you have?" Eddie asked.

"Over one hundred" Matt answered.

"Wow, Scott was right, you're a nerd" Eddie replied.

"I'm not, maybe a little, but not like Neil Goldman" Matt said "I think computer programs are the future to make our life easy"

"Tell me the truth: you have computer games too, haven't you?" Eddie asked.

"Okay, I like videogames too" Matt said "Maybe I'm nerd after all"

"I don't mind, in fact: I like videogames too" Eddie "Unfortunately nobody could make a good movie based on a videogame"

"Did you ever play _Soul Calibur, Final Fantasy, God of War_?" Matt asked.

"Yes" Eddie answered "Well, only _Final Fantasy_ 7-13"

"What about Mario...?" Matt asked as he covered his mouth.

"I used to, but I get bored after _Sunshine_" Eddie answered "I mean, I think it became stupid"

"Yeah...Mario is for babies!" Matt commented very nervous.

"Are you sure that you're okay?" Eddie asked.

"Yeah, yes I am" Matt answered as he cleared throats "Anyway; I made my own computer game and as you saved me from those jocks, I'll let you see it"

"Yeah, that will be great" Eddie said.

"Not right now, because I don't want anymore students teasing me about my hobby" Matt said "Tomorrow in a coffee store"

"Okay" Eddie agreed.

"See you tomorrow and thank you!" Matt said as he leaves.

"You're welcome" Eddie replied "Wow, he's a nice guy, even nicer than Tom Hanks in _Forrest Gump_"

**Flashback**

We see the scene where Forrest Gump was sitting on a bench next to the old lady waiting for the bus. he was telling his story until a bus appeared.

"Oh, here comes your bus, ma'am" Forrest said.

"Oh please, continue with your story" the old lady replied.

"Are you sure?" Forrest asked.

"I can wait another bus" the old lady answered.

"I can continue my story another day" Forrest said.

"Listen: I prefer to listen a overly sentimental story from a mentally retarded man than spend the whole weekend with my bratty grandchildren" the old lady explained changing her attitude.

"Okay then" Forrest said "Did I tell you that I met the President of the United States?"

**Flashback's end**

Next day at the ranch; Amy and Chris took a bus back. Chris was traumatized for some reason.

"This is gonna be fun, right Chris?" Amy asked.

"If you say so..." Chris answered still freaked out.

"What happened to you?" Amy asked.

"Yesterday I saw cows being violentely murdered..." Chris answered "I didn't sleep well last night; it was like _the Passion of the Christ_ with cows..."

"You'll be fine" Amy said "Let's go"

They walked until they found Katie brushing Chocolate's hair.

"Hey Katie!" Amy greeted.

"Oh, Howdy Yankee girl!" Katie returned the greeting "Looks like you're ready to start; who's your fella over there?"

"This is my friend Chris" Amy answered "He wants to learn to ride a horse. I'm surprised he accepted to come with me due that he watched cows being murdered in the slaughter"

"It was a tortured..." Chris replied.

"Well, well, well, looks who came for dinner" Sam said appearing "Or should I say who came for BEING THE dinner"

"Dad, this is Amy and Chrid, my friends from the city" Katie said "I told you that they were coming to learn to ride a horse"

"I know these guys; they came here for my cows and now they came for my horses" Sam said "The girl should know this is private property"

"I'm sorry, sir, it's just you have really nice horses" Amy said.

"Thank you; what about you, son?" Sam asked towards Chris "Did you like to know where meat comes from?"

"I don't know..." Chris answered.

"You want some jerky?" Sam asked offering him a piece of jerky "It's meat, but very dry"

"Oh yeah, of course!" Chris agreed taking the piece of jerky and eating it.

"But Chris, I thought you didn't like what you saw yesterday" Amy said.

"That doesn't mean I'm gonna stop eating meat forever" Chris said chewing.

"That's the attitude" Sam praised.

"If that makes you feel better; I'm vegetarian too" Katie said "But my dad doesn't mind"

"As I always say 'Women can eat their grass, but we, the men, eat the true fruit of America: meat" Sam said "Enough babbling; let's give you some guts"

"This man rocks!" Chris cheered.

"I wonder what my brother is doing on his Saturday" Amy said.

Meanwhile in the city; Eddie came to the coffee store where Matt told him to come.

"Hey Matt!" Eddie greeted.

"Oh, hi Eddie" Matt returned the greeting "You came just in time; I already installed the game in my laptop. I can give you the program, so you can install the game in your computer and play online"

"I'd love to..." Eddie said until a waiter appeared.

"Excuse me, Internet is only for customers" the waiter said.

"Well, what do you recommend?" Eddie asked.

"I'll tell you what I DON'T: the Cocaineccino; it doesn't has cocaine, but we name it, because it has a lot of sugar and if you drink it, you'll look like you snorted cocaine" the waiter explained "Just look at that white dog over there"

We see Brian writting on his laptop; he was shaking and his eyes turned red.

"Sweet Jesus, I haven't sleep in 85 hours and I almost finished the sequel of my book: 'Faster than the Speed of Love 2: Bigger and Better than the First One'" Brian said extremely quickly due the coffee he drank.

"I'll get a capuccino" Eddie said after looking at Brian.

"Good choice" the waiter replied as he leaves for the order.

"Okay, I'm gonna install the program" Eddie said "JACK IN: CPS, EXECUTE!"

"Did you just quote Lan's catchphrase from _Megaman: Battle Network?_" Matt asked.

"Yeah, I used to play it when I was younger" Eddie said.

"Okay; did it appear the window to download?" Matt asked.

"Yes" Eddie asked.

"Good, once downloaded, you must click on 'finish' and then..." Matt explained.

"It's done" Eddie interrupted him.

"Excellent" Matt praised "Now focus your camera web to you"

"Wait, why?" Eddie asked.

"Just do it" Matt answered as Eddie did it "Now press 'enter' and we're in the game"

"Okay" Eddie agreed as he pressed 'enter' and the camera web scanned Eddie turning him into pixels "Whoa, what the hell?" the camera web shoots a laser to capture each Eddie's pixel until he completely disappeared.

"Here's your coffee...wait, where did they go?" the waiter asked.

Eddie appeared somewhere in a kind of space; he's wearing a black body suit with a red stripes to each of his body's side.

"Where am I?" Eddie asked as he carefully landed in a cyber ground and found a robot guardian "Excuse me, can you tell me where am I?"

"NAME" the robot guardian ordered.

"My name?" Eddie asked "Eddie Walker" then the robot grabbed Eddie "Wait, what are you doing?" the robot made Eddie's gear appear: a red cyber helmet, matching gloves and boots, it turned him around and puts an engine on his back "Wait, what is that thing you put me on my back?" suddenly a reactor (similar of Iron Man) appeared on his chest.

"PROCEED" the robot guardian ordered opening the cyber door.

Eddie went through the cyber door and found an enormous cyber city surrounded of people wearing the same attire like Eddie, but with different colors.

"What is this place?" Eddie asked.

"This is Cyberland" Matt answered, who's wearing a blue gear "The inner place of the real world, pretty awesome, isn't it?"

"Not doubt" Eddie answered.

"Come on, let's play Virtual Tennis" Matt said going ahead.

"Wow, this is even more awesome than Chuck Norris" Eddie commented.

**Cutaway**

"Hey, don't listen to that kid" Chuck Norris said breaking the fourth wall "Nothing is more awesome than me"

**Cutaway's end**

We see Amy is now getting along with Peaches.

"I'm doing it!" Amy cheered "I never thought it was so easy"

"Anything you have was believing in yourself" Katie said "Just look at your chubby friend"

We see Chris riding a fat brown pony.

"This pony rocks!" Chris said "I'm gonna call it 'My Little Pony'"

"You can't, his name is 'Poop Smeller'" Katie said "He smells our cows' poop"

We see Poop Smeller sniffing a cow's poop.

"Wow, just like me!" Chris said "Of course with mine every time I go to poop"

Amy laughed after Chris said that.

"It doesn't disgusts you?" Katie asked.

"A little, but he's a funny guy!" Amy said "And funny guys are supposed to be funny not matter how weird they are. In fact: being weird is sure funny!"

Suddenly somebody was coming; it was a 15 old girl with freckles on her cheeks, pale skin, and black curly hair. She's wearing a black velvet horse riding coat, dark brown cowboy boots and white gloves. She's riding a muscular white stallion.

"Well, well, we meet again, Rose?" the snob girl asked

"Who are you?" Amy asked.

"What kind of stupid question is it? My name is Linda Bottomnickel from the Bottomnickel family and of course 3 times winner of the annual Quahog Rodeo" Linda explained "Oh and this is my stallion: Prince"

"Listen: if your dad is trying to buy my farm, it's not on sale" Katie said.

"It is now; because Daddy convinced the judges to put your farm as the first place prize" Linda explained "So, if I win, your farm will be Bottomnickel's family's property"

"Maybe you won the last 3 years, but Chocolate and me have been training for the Rodeo and we're gonna win this year" Katie warned.

"I'm bored; I better get back to my house and prepare the place for my FOURTH trophy!" Linda said "See you in the contest, loser!"

She leaves riding Prince.

"Somebody has to put this girl on the ground" Katie said "Luckily Chocolate and I were already...HOLY COW!"

She saw Chocolate laying down; Sam was checking her up.

"She was helping me on sort the cattle, but she broke her leg" Sam explained.

"Oh my gosh, can you believe it, Chris?" Amy asked.

"Yeah, she looks bad as Meg in 'her monthly days'" Chris answered.

**Flashback**

We see Meg walking in the hallway of her house until Chris appeared to scare her.

"BOO!" Chris booed.

"AH!" Meg screamed and then punched him in the face really hard, following several kicks in the body "I TOLD YOU NOT TO MESS WITH ME DURING MY PERIOD!" she spits him in the face and kept walking.

"Sorry..." Chris said trying to get up, but he passed out.

**Flashback's end**

Meanwhile at Cyberland; Matt and Eddie were playing Virtual Tennis. The game ended following this score: Eddie - 3 vs. Matt - 2

"Wow, you're good" Matt praised.

"Yeah, what's next?" Eddie asked "Virtual Soccer, Virtual Basketball, no wait: Virtual Racing!"

"No, no and that's ridiculous" Matt said "We're going to...destroy the virus"

"Cool, it's a game where you kill viruses?" Eddie asked.

"No, there's only ONE virus and it's destroying Cyberland" Matt answered.

"Wait...what?" Eddie asked somewhat shocked.

"That's right; I just detected it few seconds ago and if we don't stop it, it's gonna destroy Cyberland" Matt explained.

"Oh no, how we're gonna stop it?" Eddie asked.

"We're going to the Weapony Storage and destroy it like in Men in Black" Matt "I'll be Tommy Lee Jones and you can be Will Smith. No wait; I ask for Smith"

"I hope they don't mess up the third one like they did with the second one" Eddie said.

Meanwhile at the farm; Chocolate was seriously injured.

"I'm sorry sweet pie; Chocolate needs a week to recovery" Sam said.

"But the Rodeo is tomorrow" Katie said "I guess I should pack up and move out"

"You don't have to...I-I'll take your place for the contest!" Amy said.

"Are you nuts?" Katie asked "If I couldn't beat Linda the last three years..."

"I just have to believe in myself, right?" Amy asked "Besides; It's not like that I'm going to fight against a giant monster or something like that"

We see a giant insect-like monster terrorizing Cyberland.

**AAAAAARRRRGH!**

"How did this happen?" Eddie asked.

"It's pretty normal that some programs have viruses" Matt answered "That's why everybody wants to use MAC computers; they're safe, but not efficent"

"Okay; let's finish him so we can go home" Eddie said.

**BEAAAAAAAM!**

The Virus was shooting lasers at everywhere; we see several players also fighting against the virus. Eddie and Matt prepared their weapons.

"Wow, these players are rookies, they just shooting randomly, they don't even notice its weak point" Matt explained looking at a crack on its back "Ready?"

"Yes" Eddie answered.

"We'll shoot him in 3...2...1...NOW!" Matt exclaimed as they shoot at the weak point.

**BLAAAAAAST!**

**AAAAAAUUUUUGH!**

The virus was destroyed. Suddenly the image of the virus being destroyed was shown on Eddie's computer. Eddie and Matt were still in the coffee store; meaning they never went into Cyberland literally.

"Wow, you were right, this game is really cool" Eddie said.

"Never doubt of me, pal" Matt replied.

The next day at the Quahog Rodeo; all the contestants were ready.

"Welcome the the Quahog Rodeo!" the host greeted "Are you ready to see a spectacular show?

Everybody cheers: YEAAAAAAAAH!

"Okay Peaches, we'll do great" Amy said.

After several contestants; it was Amy's turn. She and Peaches had 3 minutes to impress the judges. They jumped over fences, she stood up while Peaches continued running and finally she juggled with 3 balls and one peach; she threw them to the air and caught the three balls while Peaches caught the peach and it. The judges were impressed and she received the next scores: 10, 9.5 and 8.9.

"Very good!" The host praised "Now our next contestant, the 3 times winner: Linda Bottomnickel!"

Linda and Prince did their next perfomance: She stood up, took out his rope and caught every barrel of the stadium, she stood up in every barrel she caught. She caught about 15 barrels and she's still standing up. She ended her perfomance.

"Wow, our champion still have surprises" the host commented "Let's see what our judges say"

The judges showed Linda's score: 10, 9.9 and...

"Wait, I have something to say her" The third judge said.

"Do it fast, I have a date with my fourth trophy" Linda said.

"FREEZE!" the third judge took out a handgun and pointed at her, so the other two judges.

"What the hell?" Linda asked.

"FBI, you're under arrest" a FBI agent ordered "We found out that you were using illegal growing hormones for horses imported from Russia for the past 3 years"

"Get off me!" Linda demanded "My daddy will hear about this!"

"Well, ladies and gentlemen...as Linda Bottomnickel is officially disqualified...AMY WALKER AND HER HORSE PEACHES WIN!" the host cheered and so the crowd.

_AMY! AMY! AMY! AMY! AMY!_

"We won!" Amy cheered "We did it, Peaches!"

"You're gonna pay for this, Walker!" Linda warned "Like any villain's cliché, I'll be back for revenge!" she was put inside of the FBI truck.

"Well, you proved me I was wrong, Yankee girl" Katie said "Thanks to you; the farm of my family is saved"

"It was luck and Linda was a cheating bitch" Amy replied.

"Unfortunately, she's not the biggest bitch in the world" Chris said "There's only one girl who could be the biggest bitch in the world"

"Chris, you're not meaning at your sister, aren't?" Amy asked scolding at him.

"No, she's a good bitch" Chris answered "I'm meaning at..."

We see Connie D'Amico posing for us (what a slut...).

"ME: Connie D'Amico and I finally appeared in this story!" Connie bragged "Well, actually I appeared in a flashback in the second chapter, but still I'm here for you guys..." she blew us a kiss.

**(A/E: God, sorry girl, this chapter is almost over, so see you at the next chapter!)**

"Wait, you can leave me like that!" Connie complained as the scene turned black.

**End of the chapter**

**(A/E: I hope you liked this chapter, so the edited previous chapter. Again, I want to give thanks to KaileyDawn21 for the idea; I love you, my friend.)**


	6. Hurtful Memories

**Chapter 6: Hurtful Memories**

**(A/E: This is a musical chapter (I 'borrowed' some Disney songs and I altered them to fit the chapter); it has no flashbacks, no cutaways and it's very emotional (as Kailey Dawn21 helped me in writting it, her version was a way TOO intense, so I 'softered' a little); It may make you cry, so I suggest to have a box of tissues aside just in case. At any rate, enjoy it!)**

There's a pink book that says 'MEG'S DIARY'; the book opens itself and shows a picture of a little girl wearing a pink hat, sadly sitting on her bed.

**_Once upon a time there was a very sad little girl..._**

The book flips the next page showing another picture of the little girl with a monster family.

**_Who lived with a dysfuncional family who was very mean to her..._**

The book flips the next page showing the picture of the little girl in school being bullied by a fat boy: hitting her, pulling pranks on her and putting her head in the toilet.

**_And in her school was much worse; she was being bullied by a violent fat boy who enjoyed torturing girls like her..._**

The book flips the next page showing the picture of the fat boy being arrested by the police and the little girl just looking at him.

**_One day: the boy was caught and sent to juvinile hall, where he can't hurt her anymore..._**

The book flips the next page showing the picture of the little girl still sitting sadly on her bed.

**_She thought her life will be beautiful for now on. But she never expected the horrible things she would face through her next years..._**

Finally at the Walkers' house on a beautiful morning; the siblings decided to go early to school, so they can walk together. The morning was so beautiful that they began to sing a song.

_Eddie:_

_What a day, it's a quiet morning,_

_Every day like the once before._

_Amy:_

_Neighborhood, full of funny people_

_Waking up to say:_

_Neighbor folk:_

_Morning! (x5)_

_Eddie:_

_There goes the Swedish baker baking bread_

_We like to come to eat a piece._

_Amy:_

_Every morning just the same, just when Consuela doesn't come,_

_to the same weird and funny house._

_Swedish Baker:_

_good morning children!_

"Good morning, sir" Eddie greeted "We'd like to order the same"

"Here yoo got!" Swedish baker "And have 'doolicious' day!

"I like her accent" Amy commented.

They continued walking while everybody just looked at them together and they sang too.

_City folk:_

_look there they go these teens are strange, no question._

_dazed and distracted can't you tell?_

_never part of any crowd,_

_'cause her heads up on some cloud'_

_no denying there's not weird siblings like them!_

_Man 1:_

_Morning!_

_Woman 1:_

_Good day!_

_Man 1:_

_How is your family?_

_Woman 2:_

_Morning!_

_Man 2:_

_Good day!_

_Woman 2:_

_How is your wife?_

_Woman 3:_

_I need 10 eggs!_

_Man 3:_

_They're too expensive!_

_Eddie and Amy:_

_Our life is more than a normal one!_

They finally arriaved at school; where there's Meg and Chris coming out from the bus and they looked at the Walkers.

"Looks like Eddie and Amy took a walk to school again" Chris said.

"They look really cute, we should do the same someday" Meg said.

"Ah...really?" Chris asked blushing "And let the students sing behind our backs?"

_Student 1:_

_Look there they go those guys are so peculiar,_

_I wonder if they're feeling well_

_Student 2:_

_It's not really normal at all_

_Student 3:_

_Very rare for a couple of siblings_

_All:_

_What a puzzle to the rest of us are they!_

_Meg:_

_I...think they're very cute..._

_Just like two little children since...ever_

_He's...just like a prince charming._

_With a little sister as a princess!_

_Female student:_

_Now, it's no wonder that they have no shame_

_Their look does show some little proud_

_Male student:_

_but behind their normal smiles,_

_I'm afraid they're rather odd!_

_very different from the rest of us like them!_

_All Students:_

_They're nothing like the rest of us,_

_Yes different from the rest of us are they!_

Connie and her friends were looking at the Walkers too

"Wow, these guys are always sticking up" Gina commented.

"Yeah, like they were twins" the black haired friend **(A/E: I don't know what her name is, but she appears in 'Trading Places')**.

"The boy is mine" Connie said "He was just here for a few weeks and he's already popular"

"Are you sure?" Gina asked "You've already been dating with every guy..."

"But he IS the best" Connie rudely interrupted her "Don't I deserve the BEST?"

_Connie:_

_Right from the moment when I saw him and her, I said they're perfect without doubt_

_Right in this pathetic school, they're the only that they're not._

_And of course this guy will sure be mine!_

_All the girls sang about Eddie too._

_Girls:_

_Look there he goes!_

_Isn't he dreamy?_

_Mister Eddie! oh, he's so cute!_

_be still my heart! I'm hardly breathing!_

_he's such a tall dark strong and handsome guy!_

_Guy 1:_

_Morning_

_Connie:_

_Back off_

_Guy 2:_

_Good day_

_Guy 3:_

_You too!_

_Neil:_

_You call this kosher?_

_Girl 1:_

_What lovely day!_

_Guy 4:_

_Hey girl_

_Girl 2:_

_Hey friend_

_Guy 5:_

_Hello_

_Connie:_

_Come on!_

_Teacher:_

_Bring me a chalk!_

_Connie:_

_Just let me through!_

_Eddie and Amy:_

_Our life is more than a normal one!_

_Connie:_

_Just watch, I'm gonna make Eddie mine!_

_Students:_

_Look there they go those guys extremely special!_

_The most peculiar human beings!_

_It's a shame and a sin! They don't quite fit in!_

_'cause they're really strange and funny guys._

_Strange, but funny those guys are._

_It's sure there's not weird siblings..._

_...like them!_

The song ends as the students continued the day. Meg and Chris decided to talk with Eddie and Amy; they both even share a big locker.

"Hi, Eddie!" Meg greeted.

"Hey, Meg" Eddie returned the greeting "Did you like the song we sang?"

"I LOVED it..." Meg answered twinkling until she snapped out of it "...I MEAN, of course I like it, right Chris?"

Chris was also twinkling, but for Amy. Meg obviously snapped him out by slapping him.

"Yeah...everybody singing and dancing...like High School Musical, but less stupid" Chris commented.

"I agree with you" Eddie said "Okay, see you in class"

"Wait, I wanted to talk to you!" Meg said "Ah...it's been almost a month since me and Chris met you guys...and I was wondering..."

"Please be my girlfriend!" Chris begged holding Amy's hand.

There was a silence about 5 seconds...then Meg began to laugh.

"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, Chris, you're so FUNNY!" Meg said as she slapped him in the back SO HARD.

"Yeah, that was a very funny joke" Amy said "For two or three seconds I thought Chris was one of these guys who are keeping bringing me flowers, chocolates and love letters with no reason at all. I don't mind at all, but I'd do if they're doing it, because they want me undressed and play with my body"

"If that happens..." he turned his head into the dragon one "**I'LL REVEAL MY WORST SIDE!**" his head turned back to normal.

"Okay, we got that" Meg said "Now, here's the thing: my parents don't believe that we're are hanging out with you guys. Well, mostly my dad, he thinks we make up imaginary friends"

"He doesn't think we exist?" Eddie asked.

"I don't look like an imaginary friend, do I?" Amy asked "Because when I was a little girl, I watched a cartoon about a mansion full of imaginary friends and I think there's a episode where an imaginary friend looks a lot like a human, but he had an elephant nose, in that episode that redhead girl wanted to go a concert..."

"I think we know what episode that is, Amy" Meg said "The point is that my Mom asked me to invite you guys to dinner, so my family can meet you guys...and your parents"

"Okay, we'll come, but I don't know if Mom is going to come" Eddie said "She's very busy as a model"

"What about your dad?" Meg asked.

"Well, he's..." Amy said.

"**DON'T EVEN MENTION HIS F*CKIN' NAME**!" Eddie warned in his dragon form.

"Mom is divorced" Amy said.

"Much better" Eddie praised in his normal form.

"So, she can come?" Meg asked.

"We need to ask her first" Eddie answered.

"Okay, see you then" Meg said as the Walkers siblings went ahead to the classroom "What the hell, Chris?"

"I couldn't help it, I think I love her" Chris answered.

"You only know her for a few weeks" Meg replied "She even suspects that you're one of her 'suitors'"

"What about you?" Chris asked "You fell in love with cute guys every time!"

"I learn from my mistakes, UNLIKE you, Mom, Dad, Brian and Stewie" Meg said "Besides; I don't think he's my type"

"If you say so..." Chris said not buying it.

"As your big sister, it's my duty to make sure you don't do anything stupid, understand?" Meg asked.

"Yes, ma'am..." Chris answered reassigned

"Good, now let's go to class" Meg said as she went ahead.

Chris decided not to follow her and skip the first period...so he can sing a song.

_Chris:_

_Right behind I see her beauty, just because I'm shy_

_Everybody told me I'm just like Meg_

_All my life I watch them as I hide along with her_

_Hungry for their acceptance and compassion_

_All my life I memorize their faces_

_Knowing them as they'll never know me well_

_All my life I wonder how it feels to be in love_

_Not like them_

_Just for real_

He went to the gym and walking around the basketball court; he got into a air conduct.

_Chris:_

_And with her_

_Living like a picnic_

_Give me one day with her_

_All I ask is one_

_To hold forever_

_He went out to the school's roof_

_With her_

_Where we both live unaware_

_What I'd give_

_What I'd dare_

_Just to spend one day with her_

He looked at the street with several couples.

_Chris:_

_Out there among the people and the lovers and their girls_

_Through the roofs and gables I can see them_

_Every day they shout and scold and complain about ther lives_

_Heedless of the gift it is to be like them_

_If I was in their shoes_

_I'd treasure every instant_

He climbed the pole flag of the school.

_Chris:_

_With her_

_Flying in the sky_

_Taste a morning with her_

_Like any lucky guy_

_Who freely walk with a girl_

_Just one day and then_

_I swear I'll be content_

_With my face_

_Won't resent_

_Won't despair_

_Old and bent_

_I won't care_

_I want to spend_

_One day_

_With Her_

The song ends as a teacher caught him.

"You know this will cost you one week of detention, right Mr. Griffin?" the teacher asked.

After class; Meg, Eddie and Amy **(A/E: Chris is not with them, because he has detention)** visited the modeling agency where Eddie's and Amy's mom is working. The building inside was mostly pink; Eddie went to talk to a female receptionist.

"Good evening, Mr, Walker" The receptionist greeted.

"You know you can call me Eddie, Linda" Eddie greeted "I'm here to see my mother"

"Who's the girl over there?" Linda asked.

"A friend" Eddie answered "Can we see her?"

"Sure, she's in the lingerie section right now" Linda said.

"Oh crap..." Eddie cursed.

"What's wrong?" Meg asked.

"I don't like going to the lingerie section" Eddie answered blushing as hell.

"Come on, you've already seen girls' bras and panties" Amy said.

"Only yours, Mom's and anything she models" Eddie said.

"Sometimes Consuela mistakes Eddie's briefs with my panties..." Amy whispered at Meg's ear as she giggles.

"I heard that" Eddie said "Let's go"

They went to the elevator to go to the floor where Eddie's and Amy's mom is.

"Listen: there's some rules you need to know about my mom, Meg" Eddie said "Her name is Helena, her maiden last name is Oldman, but for some reason she likes to use his...'first and only husband's last name'. Her stage name as a model is...Dawn Star"

"Dawn Star?" Meg asked.

"Everybody has a stage name" Amy said "Lady Gaga, Ke$ha, Brad Pitt"

"Brad Pitt too?" Meg asked.

"His real name is William" Eddie answered as the elevator stopped "Here we are"

They went through the section where we find several models wearing different lingerie styles and everybody saying 'Hi, Eddie!'

"You have a lot of girlfriends, Eddie" Meg commented.

"They're not my girlfriends" Eddie replied.

"You know I'm just kidding" Meg said.

"Here she is" Eddie said.

They came in the room where Helena is; she looks like Amy, but taller, older (about Peter's age), long blonde hair, and nice breasts. She's wearing a stylish pink bra with frills and a ribbon in the chest and matching bikini-cut panties. She's in a photograph session right now.

"Oh my god, your mother is beautiful" Meg said.

"You look fantastic Dawn, keep posing like that" a fat photographer told **(A/E: He looks like Zach Galifianakis with all and beard, well combed, he's wearing a beige flannel shirt, red tie, brown pants and black shoes).**

Then Helena looked at her kids and smiled.

"Children, so good to see both of you here!" Helena said speaking with an English accent as she goes to give them a hug, making Eddie even blushing.

"Mom...you're not dressed" Eddie said.

"Oh, goodness, sorry for that" Helena apologizes "But what are you doing here? I'm in a middle of a photograph session"

"I'm so sorry, Mom; but I want to talk to you" Eddie said.

"Kiddo, maybe you don't know, but we can't interrupt a session" the fat photographer said "We're not filming a slow-paced movie"

"Adam, please let me get dress and talk to my children" Helena told

"Okay, fine..." Adam reluctantly agreed.

"I'll be back in one minute" Helena said as she goes to get dress.

"So, you must be the gay photographer" Meg.

"Excuse me, I'm a model photographer, but I'm not gay" Adam said "Everybody thinks model photographers are gay, but I prove the opposite"

"Sorry, I didn't mean it" Meg said.

"Where did you meet this girl?" Adam asked.

"She's studying in our school" Eddie answered.

"School? I left school when I was her age" Adam said "My parents always wanted me to be a doctor. Well; 'sorry for disappointing you, Mom and Dad' I told them"

"We know that" Amy said "You told us that story about 35 times"

"They criticized me too much for being a plumber and a supermarket cashier" Adam added.

"I know how you feel" Meg said "My parents are like that"

"Thank you, finally someone who understands" Adam praised.

Helena came back wearing a blue sweater, white pants and blue designer heels.

"All right, what do you want to talk about, honey bun?" Helena asked.

"Mom, this is my friend Meg" Eddie introduced her "She comes with me at school"

"Nice to meet you, Mrs...Walker?" Meg asked.

"Oh please; Mrs. Walker was my Mother-in-Law, rest in peace, call me Helena or Dawn Star as my fans call me" Helena explained.

"My mother asked me to invite you and your children to have dinner with me and my family" Meg "So they can meet you"

"I would be enchanted to come" Helena said "I haven't been in a meeting dinner since my children's last parent-teacher reunion"

"Is that a 'yes'?" Meg asked.

"Lori, cancel all my dates of night, please" Helena told "I'm going to have dinner meeting with my son's girlfriend's family"

Lori was a dark brunette haired woman wearing glasses, a green blouse, tight jeans and white heels.

"Yes, Ms. Star" Lori agreed.

"Mom, she's NOT my girlfriend" Eddie corrected blushing (again).

"I was just joking, you know that" Helena said.

Meanwhile at the Griffin's house; Lois finished making dinner.

"Perfect, this is going to be an excellent night" Lois said

"Lois, I'm ready" Peter said dressed like Harry Potter.

"Peter, what the hell?" Lois asked "Why are you dressed like that?"

"You told me to dress like a gentleman and Harry Potter is a gentleman, right?" Peter asked.

"You know what? *sigh* Go back and change into your normal clothes" Lois told.

"Okay" Peter agreed as he goes back to change.

The doorbell rang and Lois answered the door; it was her children and the Walker siblings

"Hey, Mom" Meg greeted "These are my friends: Eddie and Amy, they're brother and sister"

"Nice to meet you guys" Lois said.

"Nice to meet you too, Mrs. Griffin" Eddie greeted.

"Good evening; my name is Helena" Helena greeted "I'm Eddie's and Amy's mother"

"Nice to meet you too, I'm Lois" Lois greeted "I'm Meg's and Chris's mother. Please come on in" everybody get in the house.

"It's a very nice house, Mrs. Griffin" Helena commented.

"Thanks" Lois thanked "Guys, we have visitors!"

Brian and Stewie came down.

"Guys, this is my little brother Stewie and my friend Brian" Meg said.

"Oh my gosh, you have a dog!" Amy cheered as she began to cuddle Brian "Who's the little boy? You're the little boy!"

"Wait, I'm not that kind of dog" Brian said making Amy and Eddie gasp.

"He...can talk" Eddie said shocked "But how...?"

"Trust me, this is the question I've been asking for years" Brian answered.

"Wow, it looks like the ugly whale and the fat boy weren't lying at all" Stewie said.

"Look, dinner is on the table, so let's have dinner" Lois said "My husband will be down in a minute"

Everybody went to the dinning table and sat down.

"Oh my goodness, everything looks delicious" Helena commented.

"You must have worked hard on this" Eddie said.

"Yes, I did" Lois replied.

"I'm excited for the dessert!" Amy said.

"Sweetheart, we already know what happen if you consume at least a pinch of sugar" Helena explained.

"Yes, Mom..." Amy groaned.

Peter finally came down dressed normally.

"Lois, I'm out of white shirts, so don't forget to wash them all" Peter said.

"Wait, Peter?" Helena asked standing up.

"Who the hell are you?" Peter asked "And how do you know my name?"

"Peter, it's me, Hele..." she couldn't finish because her daughter stood up too.

"RONNIE!" Amy cheered and gave Peter a hug "I missed you very, very, very much!"

"What's going on?" Peter asked freaked out.

"Amy, this is not our cousin" Eddie said.

"What?" Amy asked as she looked at Peter "Oh my gosh, I'm very sorry. I have the bad habit of seeing a fat person and confuse him with my very cute cousin"

"Wow, a cute girl calling me cute" Peter said "But still, I don't trust on that woman with the english accent. I think she's a spy; a James Bond woman I guess"

"You don't remember me, Peter?" Helena asked "'The fun and joy will never stop...'"

"...until one of us gives them up'" Peter suddenly finished the phrase "Oh my god, Helena?"

"You remember me now, Peter?" Helena asked dropping a tear "We were friends when we were children"

""Wait...you knew my dad from when you were children?" Meg said, shocked at this revalation.

"Peter, you never told me about Helena." Lois said "Figure her being your childhood friend..."

"She just never came up." Peter said casually, shrugging his shoulders

"Peter, it would have been real nice to know this." Lois said with clear annoyance on her face. "I would have invited her to our wedding!"

"Mom, why didn't you tell us about this?" Eddie asked, surprised at why his mother never told him and Amy.

"Yeah, mom. -" Amy was going to continue, but Helena slowly placed her head on her daughter's mouth while she was still jumping up and down like a sugar addict.

"I never expected this day would come" Helena "Children, Family Griffin; me and Peter were met in elementary school...

**Flashback**

We see a very shy child Peter (he wears the same current clothes, but he had shorts instead of pants and a regular t-shirt) behind a tree until somebody appeared from the tree: it was a little girl; but her hair is a mess, she has freckles and a tooth showing out from her mouth (A/E: She's basically based on Ellie from Up); she's wearing a yellow and orange shirt, denim overalls and black shoes.

"HI!" the little girl greeted with a cockney accent.

"AH!" kid Peter screamed.

"Hey, don't be shy, I don't bite" the little girl said "I'm Helena, and you?"

"Peter Griffin" kid Peter answered.

"Nice to meet you, Peter" kid Helena replied "So, is this your first day of school?"

"Uh..."

"Pretty hard, isn't it?" Kid Helena asked "Well, don't worry, I'll be your first friend"

"So...what were you doing in that tree?" kid Peter asked.

"You mean my Fun Tree" kid Helena answered.

"Fun tree?" kid Peter asked.

"The tree where I can play during recess and after school" Kid Helena explained "I'm an adventurer!"

"An adventurer?" Kid Peter asked.

"Someone who loves adventures" Kid Helena answered as she climbed the tree "Come up!"

She threw a rope dowm to Peter and he climbed up.

"So...what's the deal?" kid Helena answered showing a cocoon "I've been waiting the whole summer for this..."

The cocoon began breaking up and a butterfly has arisen.

"Wow...is that?" kid Peter asked.

"One of the most amazing discoveries we ever did!" kid Helena answered cheerful.

"Wait...did you say 'we'?" kid Peter asked.

"You're now part of the 'Super Adventure Club'!" kid Helena cheered "Now repeat this after me: "'The fun and joy will never stop, until one of us gives them up"

"The fun and joy will never stop, until one of us gives them up" Peter

"Excellent, we're gonna be the best friends ever!" Helena said.

**Flashback's end**

"It was all fun..." Helena said "We had a lot adventures together...until I have to move out with my family"

"Why did you leave me, then?" Peter asked "Didn't you like me?"

"Of course I did, you were my very first friend too" Helena "But since I moved out, I thought I'd never see you again"

"And now your children are friends" Lois added "This is just incredible, isn't it?"

"Remember the song we made when I told you my biggest childhood dream?" Peter asked.

"What was your childhood dream?" Lois asked.

"Do you really want to know?" Peter asked raising his right eyebow

As Peter began to sing; the scenario changes to a jungle and began a Lion King parody song: Just Can't Wait to be King. They even became animals: Peter and Helena were lions, Lois was a toucan, Eddie was an antelope, Meg was an flamingo, Chris was an elephant, Amy was a Giraffe, Brian was a wild boar and Stewie was a meerkat.

_Peter:_

_I'm gonna be a mighty king_

_The king of the entire world_

_Lois:_

_Well, I've never seen a king like this_

_With such a little brain_

_Peter:_

_I'm gonna be the main event_

_Like no king was before_

_I'm looking up, I'm looking down_

_And working on my roar_

_Lois_

_Thus far, a rather uninspiring roar_

An elephant hits her with its long nose

_Peter:_

_Oh, I just can't wait to be king_

"This was just a childhood dream, Peter" Lois commented "It's not a big deal"

_Peter:_

_No one saying, "Do this"_

"I'm just saying..." Lois said.

_Helena:_

_No one saying, "Be there"_

"You too Helena?" Lois asked.

_Peter:_

_No one saying, "Stop that"_

"All right, stop this right now!" Lois demanded.

_Peter and Helena:_

_No one saying, "See here"_

"Please see here!" Lois continued demanding.

_Peter:_

_Free to drink the beer all the time_

"Well, that's definitely not gonna happen" Lois commented.

_Peter:_

_Free to do it all my way_

_Lois:_

_I think it's time that you and I_

_Arranged a heart to heart_

She gets crashed against an rhino's butt.

_Peter:_

_Kings don't need advice_

_From bossy bitches for a start_

_Lois:_

_If this is where the monarchy would be_

_Count me out_

_Out of service, out of America_

_I wouldn't hang about_

She almost falls out from a waterfall.

_Lois:_

_My husband is again losing his mind_

_Peter:_

_Oh, I just can't wait to be king_

_Peter:_

_Everybody look left_

The animals moved left trampling Lois.

_Peter:_

_Everybody look right_

The animals moved right trampling Lois.

_Peter:_

_Everywhere you look I'm_

_Standin' in the spotlight_

"He's NOT!" Lois exclaimed before to get crashed by two fat animals' asses.

_Everybody:_

_Let every person go for broke and sing_

_Let's hear it from kids dreaming for wings_

_It's gonna be King Peter's finest fling_

_Everybody, except Lois:_

_Oh, I just can't wait to be king_

_Oh, I just can't wait to be king_

_Oh, I just can't wait to be king_

Lois ended being crashed by all the animals.

Everything went back to normal and the children and Brian were clapping.

"That was spectacular" Brian praised.

"I can't believe Mom and Mr. Griffin were childhood friends!" Amy commented.

"But that was a very LONG time" Lois said "Now that you're reunited, you can renew your friendship as matured adults..."

"Wanna play Candyland?" Peter asked.

"I never played Candyland in a long time..." Helena answered.

"I said as MATURED adults" Lois reminded showing her annoyance once again.

"I told you she's a bossy bitch" Peter whispered.

"This is just unbelievable" Meg said "My dad and your mom had a nice childhood together"

"It was the only good thing of my life; the rest were full of disappointments" Peter said as Lois gave him a fearful glare "Until I met you, dear"

"Much better" Lois praised.

"I have some envy of you, my old friend" Helena said "You're married and have three wonderful children. My marriage was a disaster...and I have the fault"

"No, Mom; we already talked about it" Eddie said "It wasn't your fault..." he turned his eyes into his dragon's eyes "...it was him"

"Calm down, Big Bro..." Amy told.

"Sorry..." Eddie said turning his eyes back to normal.

"At least you guys had a good childhood..." Meg said as she got a sad face "...mine was horrible. There was an evil bratty bully who used to pick up girls, especially me!" suddenly Eddie felt a big guilt when Meg mentioned her past "He punched me in the face every time, he pulled on me pranks like replacing glue with mayonaise, he even puts my head in the boys' bathroom's toilet. He wasn't an evil brat; he was a rotten bastard!"

"Your story is weird, because Eddie when he was a kid, he..." Amy couldn't finish, because Eddie covered her mouth.

"That was a great dinner, Mrs. Griffin" Eddie said nervous "But we gotta go now, it's already late and Amy and me have school"

"Honey, it's 7:27 P.M." Helena said looking "And tomorrow is Saturday"

"But I have a lot of homework and I didn't even start it" Eddie said gluttering.

"That's not true; I checked my notebooks and we don't have any homework" Amy said.

"Eddie, you're obviously hiding something" Meg said suspecting "Now I want to know what is it"

"*sigh*, all right...I'll confess it" Eddie said "You already told your childhood, I'll told mine: when I was 6, there was a man, no, a MONSTER who I called father taught me everything about dominating women"

"Wow, he sounds like a great man" Peter.

"No, he's NOTHING like that at all" Eddie said once again showing his dragon's eyes and finally becoming a giant red dragon "**HE TURNED ME INTO A MONSTER LIKE HIM, HE ALMOST KILLED MY MOTHER, MY SISTER UNTIL MY MOTHER GOT JUSTICE**"

"I was tired to get beaten; so I shot him in the leg and called the police" Helena said.

"Oh my god..." Peter said really shocked.

"But what about Eddie?" Meg asked as Eddie turned back to normal.

"I became a bully in elementary school at 8" Eddie answered "I picked up girls, especially one. I punched her, pulled pranks on her like replacing her glue with mayonaise, even putting her head in the boys' bathroom's toilet"

"No!" Meg said with her eyes widen in shock and with pure fear in her voice "You can't be him"

"But it's true: I WAS your bully" Eddie said.

Meg stood up and she sits down at the corner in fetal position.

"I don't believe this...I don't believe you" Meg said starting to cry "Not after everything we've been through together"

"I am so sorry, Meg" Eddie said getting close to her.

"Don't come any closer!" Meg demanded now angry "You lied to me, humiliated me, I thought you were my friend!"

"I am your friend, the bully who tormented you in the past is gone" Eddie explained "The real me is back to earn your forgiveness"

"NEVER!" Meg shouted at him "I want you and your witches out of my house!"

"Meg..." Amy said.

"And you, stay away from my brother!" Meg told her.

"Meg, I know you're mad for my son's actions" Helena said "But he already paid his debt, all the girls who were victims of his abuse forgave him and spent 5 years in two juvenile halls"

"I don't care if he has been in 20 juvenile halls, he has a debt with me that will never be paid!" Meg kept shouting "Now; GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

"Come on, children" Helena told them "It looks like we don't belong here"

The Walker family walked **(A/E: Got it? 'Walked', ha, ha...sorry, this is not funny right now)** to the door.

"What's wrong with you, Meg?" Lois asked scolding her"Eddie's a changed boy! He would never hurt you now!"

"Shut up, Lois!" Meg told her "It's always the same to you: All I thought you were just some rich bitch who ran away and married her mentally retarded boyfriend, who not only did drugs, but starred in a porn and shopped lifted! How the hell is starring in a porno when you were in college a good example for your children, Lois? And sleeping with Bill Clinton and Gene Simmons, seriously? Your arrogance, bitchness and reckless behavior never failed to surprised me, Lois. You're the person I'm supposed to look up to, but in truth, I don't want to look up to a total bitch who acts all so mighty where in reality she's just a snobbish, spoiled slut who wouldn't have gotten anywhere in life."

Lois's lip started to quiver, telling to hold back her tears. But with no

effort, she cried as hard as she could.

"She's right, you're a bad mother, Mom!" Chris said "Right, sis'?"

"Oh, don't pretend that you're the victim here, Chris." Meg said, slowly walking up to her brother, causing him to walk backwards into a non-damaged wall. "You're such an idiot, always acting like a big boy thinking that he's a man and making fun of me. I never got why you hated me, in fact, I thought our relationship as brother and sister had gotten better. But I guess I was wrong, you're still the same moron that always laughed at me behind my back and never was on my side, at all."

"But, sis'..." Chris said

"And I forbid you to see Walker's sister again!" Meg added "You only want her for sex, isn't it?"

"Meg, come on." Brian said, trying to calm down Meg. "You know this isn't

go-"

"Oh shut up already!" Meg said, rolling her eyes. "You're just some hypocritical

douchebag who claims to love smart woman, only to date blondies and the only two smart you met were a woman who was old yet kind and a transgender woman whom you took a hot shower in disgust when you found out! Of course, your girls always have to be idiots, Stewie already told me that. And that other girl who cheated on you with Cleveland, who you thought was your match! The only one of these endless load of bitches I actually liked was Jillian. She was an moron, yes, but in a good, kind and sweet way. It fitted her caring personality, and I was glad she decided to marry Derek, and I actually went to her home and comforted her when she was crying for Derek's murder, he never deserved to get killed, it should be you. You can't write and you get drunk! You're a good of a person, Brian. You really are. That was sarcasm if you didn't get that"

"Okay Meg, you're tired and on your period, so why don't you go to bed?" Peter asked.

"Not without telling you something, Peter Griffin: you're the most godawful person I ever met." Meg started "Your nothing, but an excuse of human being, causing melancholy and pain to everyone you ever met. You're a mental retard and and never try to show anyone beyond that, abusing and causing Lois to get hurt everywhere! I have so many things to say about you, like how your lazy, willing to cheat on your wife, spread misery and suffering to everyone you met, being a general jackass to your family, the list goes on and on and on. But to sum you up in a long, full sentence? A lazy, pathetic, digusting, sexist, drunk, abusive, godawful excuse of a father who acts more like a college frat boy than a mature man. And you know what? I would be just sitting in a big chair, eating a huge bowl of popcorn as I watch you burn to a crisp. I used to remember a time you actually care about me. When everyone care about me! I always thought I was avoiding all my problems when I told you off, but now I realized I was right after all! You don't deserve to have a daughter like me! A daughter who puts up with your crap 24/7 so you don't fight. But I'm through being your emotional punching bag. Finalizing with this: this is probably the WORST family in the Universe and you know why? Because you guys DON'T have a heart. I'm done"

She goes to her room without even sobbing, leaving a sobbing Chris and Lois, a satisfied Stewie, a devasted Brian and a blank faced Peter, who looked like he actually understood this.

In Meg's room; she slammed the door, finally broke in tears and cry in her bed. It wasn't even two minutes when somebody entered her room...it was Stewie.

"Hello, Megan" Stewie greeted "I'm so impressed how you made them realized that they're nothing, but insects"

"Oh, hi Stewie" Meg greeted sitting in her bed "Come here, little boy" Stewie sits in Meg's bed too "You're the only in this house who hates this family as much as me. That's why I didn't tell you off, because you're a sweet baby.

"Thanks, but didn't Brian tell you about...?" Stewie asked.

"I know what he told me; I know he's making up lies, because he's jealous of you" Meg said "You would never be an evil baby with desires to dominate the world"

"_Oh my god, she's even more stupid than all Brian's girlfriends together_" Stewie said mentally.

"Forgive me for using you for extra tips on my job as waitress in that pancake restaurant once" Meg said in big guilt "This was a huge mistake that I'll never make again"

"_Oh, that's why she's nice to me, maybe I can take advantage of this_" Stewie said mentally "And you never thought...you know...running away?"

"What do you mean?" Meg asked.

"This is a house full of monsters and I'm just a poor baby" Stewie answered "You don't want me to be raised by monsters like them, do you?"

"You know what, Stewie? You're right" Meg agreed "Let's leave this house and live like fugitives. And don't worry for everything, I'll raise you as you were my son and you'll love as I were your own mother"

"Do you mean it?" Stewie asked.

"Sister Promise" Meg answered raising her hand.

"Oh thank you very much!" Stewie thanked giving her a hug, showing a very satisfied face.

Meanwhile; Peter and Lois were ready (at least to try) to sleep. Lois was still crying for what Meg said to her.

"I can't believe our own daughter hates us...she's right, we're probably the worst family in the Universe" Lois said.

"It's impossible...she can't hate us that much" Peter said "She's just mad for his new friend; I bet tomorrow morning she'll regret for all this like the last time and apologizes to all of us"

"I don't know, Peter" Lois said "It looks like she meant this time..." she turned off the lights leaving Peter with the doubt.

Meanwhile Stewie goes to his room and began to pack up his stuff.

"I can't believe she totally bought it" Stewie said "This makes me sing...my own song"

_Stewie:_

_Everything is part of my plan_

_Everything I said is a lie_

_That ugly cow doesn't have_

_Any idea of what she's on_

_Everything is part of my plan!_

Meg was also packing up her stuff; she's singing too.

_Meg:_

_My life was horrible, my life was awful_

_I can't stand this anymore_

_That's why I'll leave for good_

_And take Stewie with me_

_Everything is part of the plan_

He went to his lab for some devices.

_Stewie:_

_Peter is a fat drunk bastard_

_Lois is a heartless and stupid bitch_

_Chris is like, I have no words to describe_

_Brian, for other side, I'll miss him as my dog_

_Everything what Meg said was true_

Meg looking at a picture of herself when she was a little.

_Meg:_

_I was a cute little girl_

_When I had attention and love_

_But I grown up and they now hate me_

_That's why I must protect Stewie_

_He still can be saved_

Stewie was also looking at a picture, but of Meg's.

_Stewie:_

_And now she wants me to go with her_

_And give me the love that Lois never gave to me_

_Well, SCREW (he tears up the photograph) her love and sympathy_

_I don't actually care at all_

_Because she will be my bitch_

Both Meg and Stewie sang together, but with different lyrics.

_Meg:_

_Everybody told me I'm ugly and awful_

_Stewie:_

_Everybody told me I'm not evil anymore_

_Meg:_

_That I'm annoying and never shut my mouth_

_Stewie:_

_That I became weaker and softer_

_Meg:_

_But I'll make Stewie my child_

_Stewie:_

_But I'll make Meg my bitch_

_Meg:_

_And live happily together_

_Stewie:_

_And dominate the world_

_Meg and Stewie:_

_Everything is part of the (my) plan!_

_Stewie:_

_Victory will be mine_

The song ends with Stewie doing his evilist laugh.

**BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

**(A/E: I'm doing my best not to twist the canon characters, it's just...I HATE the season 10, I guess it's the worst season of the show. I always thought Seth doesn't care of the fans at all. I just want that the show goes back to its roots, you know?)**


	7. Finding Meg

**Chapter 7: Finding Meg**

_Previously on Family Guy: OC Universe..._

"My parents don't believe that we're hanging out with you guys" Meg explained "Well, mostly my dad, he thinks we make up imaginary friends"

"He doesn't think we exist?" Eddie asked.

...

"My mother asked me to invite you and your children to have dinner with me and my family" Meg said "So they can meet you"

"I would be enchanted to come" Helena said.

...

"Peter?" Helena asked standing up.

"Oh my god, Helena?" Peter asked.

...

"At least you guys had a good childhood..." Meg said as she got a sad face "...mine was horrible. There was an evil bratty bully who used to pick up girls, especially me!"

...

"I WAS your bully" Eddie said.

"I want you and your witches out of my house!" Meg demanded pissed off.

...

"This is probably the WORST family in the Universe and you know why? Because you guys DON'T have a heart" Meg said darkly and cold than ever.

...

"Let's leave this house and live like fugitives" Meg said "And don't worry about everything, I'll raise you as you were my son and you'll love as if I was your own mother"

"Do you mean it?" Stewie asked.

"Sister Promise" Meg answered raising her hand.

"Oh thank you very much!" Stewie thanked giving her a hug, showing a very satisfied face.

...

The next morning at the Griffins' House; Lois violentely woke up.

"Peter, wake up!" Lois called.

"Please don't kill me, sweet heart!" Peter exclaimed also in fear "Oh Lois, I had a bad dream"

"Me too, I dreamed that Meg was trying to kill me" Lois said.

"Hey, I had the same too, but I was the one whom she was trying to kill" Peter explained.

Chris appeared totally freaked out.

"Mom!" Chris screamed "I had a bad dream of Meg trying to kill me...! Oh and I wet my bed"

"Oh Chris...wait, you had the same dream too?" Lois asked.

Brian appeared holding a bottle of vodka totally drunk.

"Morning...Sucky Family...!" Brian greeted totally wasted.

"Brian, have you been drinking all night?" Lois asked.

"I woke up a couple of hours and I wanted something to drink..." Brian answered "But, who gives a sh*t? Like Meg said I'm just a hypoctrical douchebag who can't write and drinks too much!"

"Oh, so you care what my sister says now?" Chris asked pissed "I couldn't sleep with the guilt eating me alive!"

"Chris, calm down, we all feel guilty" Lois said "*sigh* We need to apologizes to her so everything goes back to normal"

They go to Meg's room.

"Meg, are you awake?" Lois asked looking at the bulk in the bed, thinking Meg is still sleeping "If you're awake, please let us talk to you about..." but when she takes out the blankets revealing pillows "***Gasp***"

"Oh no, she turned into pillows!" Peter screamed of horror.

"No, dumbass...she's gone because of you...and all of us..." Brian corrected in drunk state.

"Wait, she left a note" Lois said taking the note and began to read it.

_Dear Bastard Family...no...Assface Family...no...Dear Satan Slaves, got it:_

_I really meant this time when I told you off last night. You had 17 years to give me all the love I should have, but you totally failed; you could have made me a great person, unfortunately you spared ALL the chances you had and turned me into a disaster. But I won't take your crap anymore; I'm leaving for good. Don't even try to look after me, because you won't find me._

_Hate you all, Meg._

_P.S.: I'm taking Stewie with me, so you can't spoiled him like you did with me and Chris._

"She took Stewie too?" Lois asked shocked.

"Yeah, Meg is finally out of our lives!" Peter cheered.

"So is Stewie...!" Brian cheered too.

"Guys, don't you see?" Lois asked "These are the consequences of our actions!"

"What actions?" Peter asked "We should celebrate"

"How can you think of celebrating after your only daughter us gone?" Lois asked "And don't even try to avoid the question, you don't have Meg to be your sparegoat!"

"Pfft...who needs Meg?" Peter asked sarcastically "Who's gonna miss her unatractive face, her whinning voice...her way to think...her great personality...I don't know what else!"

"See, you don't even know her enough as to hate her as much as she hates you!" Lois said showing her point.

"Of course I hate her!" Peter said getting emotional "I hate her, I hate her, I hate her, I hate her, I hate her, I hate her..." but he broken into tears and hugged Lois; after watching her husband crying for real, she returned the hug.

"It's okay if you miss Meg, we all do" Lois said with serenity.

"Well...I'm not gonna miss Stewie...he was a rotten bastard" Brian commented.

"Because you're drunk, dick!" Chris insulted him.

"Chris, watch your language" Lois warned "Your father is in big pain right now"

"I don't understand, Lois" Peter said still crying "***sniff***, me and Meg never get along...I thought if she's gone, all my problems would be gone too; but why I'm not happy?"

"Because she was a **SPACEGOAT**, don't you see?" Lois asked her family "We had been using her as human shield to avoid our problems. That's why she's gone..."

"What are we suppose to do now?" Peter asked.

"Nothing...she made clear she doesn't want to know anything about us anymore" Lois explained "We must let her go and trust her that she can raise Stewie on her own"

"So, are we gonna stay here doing nothing while she's running away with a baby?" Peter asked very confused.

"What are we suppose to do, Peter?" Lois asked showing an annoyed, yet cold face "Go and tell her..." she made a fake happy face "...'Hey Meg, you were right, we're a terrible family, let's forget everything and start over!'"

"That could be work" Peter said.

"NO!" Lois corrected "It's impossible to forgive us right now!"

"Are we gonna live without her?" Chris asked.

"We must at least give it a shot, Chris" Lois answered "Just I hope she and Stewie can live in their own"

Meanwhile in a bus on its way to Vermont; there's Meg and Stewie sleeping on a seat (how cute!) until they woke up.

"Look Stewie!" Meg said as they looked through the bus's window: they saw a beautiful land covered of snow "It's like going through the wardrobe to Narnia"

"Oh good; I hope we meet Mr. Tumnus and Aslan, the Great Lion" Stewie said sarcastically.

"You're gonna love Vermont" Meg said "Thanks to my part-time jobs I saved enough money to afford our living. Here's the plan: I'll try to get a job, maybe for a cleaning service. You have to come with me to work until I can afford a nanny; don't worry, I promised not to make the same mistake when I was a waitress..."

Stewie was getting sick of hearing her talking; so he took out his iPhone, who's talking with someone.

"Evil Brain to Italian Babe: the first stage of our plan has accomplished" Stewie said.

Inside of Stewie's iPhone; there's a mysterious person talking.

"_Excellent, my mysterious friend..._" 'Italian Babe' praised with a distorted voice to hide its identity "_I already trained my wolf-pack, but now you have to convince your sister to 'go skiing'..._"

"God, do I have to do it all myself?" Stewie asked complaining.

"_Hey, you asked me to help you, because you hate your sister as much as I do..._" Italian Babe said "_Stop whinning like a baby_"

"Yes, ma'am..." Stewie reluncantly agreed with an annoyed expression.

Meanwhile, outside of the Griffins' house; the Walker family were here with Amy carrying a cake. Helena pressed the doorbell and Lois answered the door; who's still showing a sad and worried face

"Oh, hi guys" Lois greeted with a depressed tone.

"Good morning, Lois" Helena greeted.

"Is Meg here?" Eddie asked "I'm here to talk to her and officially apologize for making her childhood a nightmare"

"I even made a delicious apologize cake!" Amy said showing a white cream cake with blue iced letters saying 'SORRY'.

"Oh, that is sweet" Lois praised "But Meg is gone"

"Meg is gone?" Helena asked.

"WHAT?" Amy asked outraged "Did I stay awake all the freaking night making the cake for nothing?"

"Come on in, so we can talk" Lois told as everybody get inside "Want some coffee?"

"I'd like some tea, please" Helena said.

"We're fine" Eddie and Amy said.

"Okay, tea it is" Lois said going to the kitchen.

"Oh, hey...Eddie!" Brian greeted drinking another bottle of vodka.

"Brian, what happened to you?" Amy asked.

"And why are you drinking?" Eddie asked.

"Because Meg called me an alcoholic bastard who can't write a damn!" Brian answered "Maybe I go outside to hit on a dumb blondie"

"Mr. Griffin, what are you doing?" Eddie asked

"Oh, hi Eddie" Peter greeted anxious and writting an incredible long list "Nothing, I'm just taking the sum of ALL the awful things I did to Meg. And it looks like it's not too much, I have about 1,978, 397 awful things"

"Did you count the times you took her to the movies?" Chris asked.

"Do they count?" Peter asked "How do I know the movies I liked she hated them?"

"She told me she didn't want to see them" Chris answered.

"What about G.I. Joe: the Rise of Cobra?" Peter asked.

"She hated it" Chris answered.

"Due Date?" Peter asked.

"She was disgusted by it" Chris answered.

"The remake of Clash of the Titans?" Peter asked.

"She lost her respect for Greek mythology" Chris answered.

"Transformers: Dark of the Moon?" Peter asked.

"She said it was the worst movie she ever, saw that she prefers to kill herself than watch it again" Chris answered.

" Oh forget it, she'll never forgive me" Peter said "I should get use to live without her..."

"Peter, my old friend, what has the world done to you?" Helena asked.

"I don't know...I'm more confused than a blind guy with a map" Peter said as he waited for a cutaway...but nothing "See, I can't even make a cutaway appear anymore!"

(A/E: I forbid flashbacks and cutaways only for this chapter; you should've know it, it was on the script you didn't bother to read it, you fat piece of sh*t)

"***sobbing*** even the story's author hates me!" Peter said.

"aldovas, don't be such a bloody arse to him!" Helena told me showing annoyance on her face"

**(A/E: Yes, ma'am)**

"Thank you" Helena thanked.

"Here's your tea" Lois said carrying a cup of tea.

"Thanks, now what happened after we left?" Helena asked.

"Meg...oh god...she told us terrible things about us" Lois asked "That I'm a slut, that her brother is a moron, that Brian is an alcoholic hypocrite, that my husband is an excuse of human being and that we're probably the worst family in the Universe"

"Holy God, why did she say that?" Helena asked.

"Because she's right" Lois answered "We hurted her, humiliated her, I'm even disgusted myself...that's why she's gone...and took Stewie with her"

"And what you're gonna do to bring her back?" Eddie asked.

"Nothing...we'll let them go, so we don't hurt them anymore" Lois answered.

"I can't believe what I'm hearing!" Amy snapped.

"Amy, sweet..." Helena said.

"Sorry, Mom, but this family can't live like that!" Amy "They need the eldest child of the family, it means Meg"

_Walkers:_

_What would Sonic the Hedgehog do_

_If he was here right now,_

_He'd make a plan_

_And he'd follow through,_

_That's what Sonic the Hedgeho'd do_

_Amy:_

_When Sonic was in the olympic winter games,_

_Skating for the gold,_

_He did two sow cows and a triple lutz,_

_While wearing a blind fold._

_Eddie:_

_When Sonic was in SA (Sonic Adventure) game,_

_Fighting Perfect Chaos,_

_He used his super form powers,_

_And saved the entire city._

_Walkers:_

_So what would Sonic the Hedgehog do_

_If he were here today,_

_I'm sure he'd kick an ass or two,_

_That's what Sonic the Hedgehog'd do._

_Peter:_

_I want this depressing out of me,_

_It has stunted my way to live._

_Lois:_

_And I just want my Meg_

_To stop running away from us_

_Eddie:_

_For Meg's sake I'll prove I changed, too,_

_Cos that's what Sonic the Hedgehog would do._

_Walkers:_

_And what would Sonic the Hedgehog do,_

_He'd call all his friends and relatives_

_They'd go to save Meg and Stewie_

_That's what Sonic the Hedgeho'd would do._

__Knuckles suddenly appeared from nowhere.

"Somebody called me?" Knuckles asked.

"Who are you?" Eddie asked.

"I'm Knuckles the Echidna" Knuckles answered.

"We were talking about Sonic, not you" Amy said.

"Oh...bye" Knuckles said leaving.

_Walkers:_

_When Sonic the Hedgehog travelled through space_

_In Sonic Adveture 2,_

_He fought along with Shadow_

_and saved the human race again_

_And when Sonic and his friends were in Sonic Heroes,_

_They beat up Metal Sonic._

_Cos he and his friends don't take crap from an-e-y-body_

_Everybody:_

_So lets all get together,_

_And unite for a dangerous quest_

_And we'll go to find Meg and Stewie_

_Cos that's what Sonic the Hedgehog'd do._

_And we'll go to find Meg and Stewie_

_Cos that's what Sonic the Hedgehog'd dooooo,_

_That's what Sonic the Hedgehog'd do._

Meanwhile, at an apartment made of wood; Meg and Stewie were unpacking their stuff.

"All right, Stewie, this will be our new home" Meg said "Only you and me, starting a new life. God, I'm so excited now"

"God, I can't stand that cow anymore" Stewie said mentally "But I must stick with my plan..."

"I'll try to look for a job tomorrow, so what you wanna do?" Meg asked.

"Hmm...can we go skiing?" Stewie asked showing an innocent face.

"Ski? That's a great idea!" Meg praised "But first let me go change into my winter clothes. I'll be back in a 5 minutes" Meg goes to change.

"5 minutes? Enough time" Stewie said as he called his mysterious partner "Italian Babe, the ugly cow and me have arrived"

"Excellent...the wolves are now in the forest" Italian Babe said "By the way: I heard her family and another family called 'the Walkers' are making a team up to find you and your sister. I'm coming with them, so we can reunite and put our plan into action"

"Excellent..." Stewie praised.

Meanwhile, outside the Griffins' house; it's all set up for the quest. Lois discovered a map that Meg marked before she left; she went to Vermont. Even Peter is dressed like...Rambo.

"Peter, what the hell are you wearing now?" Lois asked.

"Our kids could be in danger, so I'm dressed like Rambo" Peter answered "I wanted to invite my friends, so we can be the A-Team. But Joe and Bonnie have their anniversary dinner tonight, Quagmire is working by flying in a plane and Cleveland told me to go f*ck myself, I don't know, he's not in the mood right now"

"We're going to Vermont, not to Vietnam" Lois said "Besides, it's going to be cold there, you should bring something to cover yourself"

"I'm Rambo, I have nerves of steel" Peter said imitating Rambo's voice.

"As you wish, Peter..." Lois said annoyed.

"How are we gonna get there?" Chris asked.

"Here it comes!" Amy said as a bus has arrived and the bus's door was opened revealing a black-haired young adult (about Jillian's age) driving it.

"Here I am!" the bus driver said **(A/E: he's voiced by Jerry Trainor; he's wearing a sky-blue flannel long sleeve shirt, denim pants and black shoes).**

"Guys, this is our cousin Jackie" Eddie said.

"Is that the cousin you love, Amy?" Chris asked.

"No, Ronnie is 8 years old, he's a boy scout, chubby like a hamster and Asian" Amy answered.

"Asian?" Chris asked impressed.

"He's adopted" Eddie answered "Mom has two sisters and a brother. She's the youngest. Jackie is son of my Mom's eldest sister, we also have a cousin called Emily, she's the daughter of my Mom's older brother and Ronnie is the adopted son of my Mom's older sister"

"Ugh, I hate Emily Oldman" Amy said with an angry face "She thinks she's better than us, but she's rude, selfish and snobbish. She's Daddy's little princess"

"And from your father's side?" Peter asked.

"**DON'T EVEN ASK...!**" Eddie answered in his dragon form.

"So...are we ready to go?" Peter asked shaking of fear.

"Yup!" Eddie answered going back to normal.

Everybody got in the bus; where they also find Matt Kennedy, Katie Rose and Neil Goldman.

"Katie!" Amy cheered giving her a hug.

"Howdie, Yankee girl!" Katie greeted returning the hug.

"Wait, who are they and what are they doing here?" Lois asked.

"I called our friends to help us in looking for Meg" Eddie said "This is Matt Kennedy, a computer expert"

"And this is Katie Rose, she taught me and Chris how to ride a horse" Amy said.

"Don't forget about me" Neil said.

"We know who you are, Neil" Peter said without interest "I sold you my daughter, remember?"

"I know, I hope you don't have hard feelings, Mr. Griffin" Neil said "I just wanna see Meg alive, besides; this adventure would be great for my comic book I'm working on it: two families, three teenagers in a quest looking for a teen girl and her baby brother in a fierce and cold land populated by Frost Giants; then the hero of the story arrived to destroy the monsters and save the poor girl with his mighty sword. In one word: EPIC!"

"I have one: NERD!" Matt commented as he laughs.

"Looks, who's talking, computer nerd" Connie said appearing next to him.

"Connie?" Neil asked.

"What are you doing here?" Chris asked "We broke up, remember?"

"I'm not here for you, fatass" Connie rudely answered "I'm here because..." she turned her face...into a sadly face with all and puppy eyes "...I miss Meg"

"Bullcrap, we know you enjoy humiliating her at school" Chris said.

"I know...I've been a bitch to her since the very first day of high school and when I heard that she was missing, because she got hurt by her own family, I realized what a terrible person I am and now I want to help in rescue her, so we can try to be friends" Connie explained acting like a melodramatic princess.

"I don't buy anything what you said" Chris commented "Besides, how did you know she was missing?"

"I have my instincts" Connie answered.

"Well, I know how it feels to hurt a gentle person like Meg" Eddie said "You can come with us"

"Really?" Connie asked with a smile in the face "THANK YOU!" she gave him a hug.

"Well, looks like everything is set up" Lois said "Now, let's go and find Meg"

"YEAH!" everybody cheers.

"Yeah..." Brian said still wasted.

"Here we go!" Jackie said turning on the bus and began the quest to look for Meg.

Meanwhile, in Vermont; Meg and Stewie went to the place where you can go skiing, skating on the ice or playing in the snow area as well. Meg was wearing a pink scarf, a red dress coat, white gloves, white warmers and pink boots. While Stewie is wearing his regular winter attire (red winter hat with a green puffball, red gloves, browm jacket, gray pants and black shoes).

"This place is amazing..." Meg said "I can't believe we're living in such a good place..."

"Satan, give me strength for not trying to kill her" Stewie prayed.

"Oh, Stewie, I feel like singing" Meg said

While Meg was singing, Stewie got the chance to get away from her.

_Meg:_

_Okay, look at it, look at this beautiful land_

_It's like walking in a big and soft cloud_

_This way is left, which way is right_

_OH, now I'll be circling in circles all night_

_Oh, so this is forward. No problem._

_I can't believe I can do this and more_

_To walk in the snow like I walk on the street_

_Out of my house, not closed up like a clam_

_Look out, this is me, here I am_

_For a moment all of me_

_Is alive and at home in the snow_

_I'm walking and twirling, so graceful and grand_

_Not stuck in my house, surrounded by walls_

_For a moment life is cool_

_Making angels in the world's whitest ground_

_This is more than my thoughts ever thought it could be_

_For a moment, just a moment, lucky me_

At the same time at the bus, Lois is also singing in the bus and praying to find her children alive, especially Meg.

_Lois:_

_If only for one moment_

_I had shared with you all I know_

_My heart begs for forgiveness_

_oh, why did you have to go?_

Meg was skating on ice while she continues singing.

_Meg:_

_Everything's newer and brighter and whiter_

_And truer life for every slide_

_Watch me smile_

_For a moment I can shine_

_Got a fresh and happy start_

_My hands are now cold, and I really don't care_

_If all my fingers have fingered out of my hands_

_For a moment I can feel_

_All the dreams I've been dreaming are real_

_Wish anyone could hear it, the snow is my song_

_For a moment, just a moment, I belong_

Lois took out her wallet and found a photo of Meg.

_Lois:_

_I will find you my darling_

_If you accept our apology_

_We'll hold you close, our dear Megan_

_And sing the song of the snow with you_

They both sang the last phrase.

_Lois and Meg:_

_And sing the song of the snow with you / For a moment, just a moment, I belong!_

She stopped skating and ended the song.

"Wasn't it fun, Stewie?" Meg asked as she realized Stewie wasn't with her "Stewie?"

Stewie was in the middle of the forest, so he can communicate with Italian Babe.

"I'm in my position, what about you?" Stewie said.

It was finally revealed Italian Babe's identity: Connie D'Amico (dressed in her winter attire: white designer winter hat, purple dress coat, black gloves, black warmers and elegant white snow boots).

"I'm with Meg's family and friends right now" Connie answered "They totally bought that I want to rescue her, when actually I'm planning to unleashed the wolves hungry of loser meat"

"Excellent..." Stewie praised "I'm in the middle of the forest, away from the theme park. I have the device to use for calling your trained wolves. Just I need to wait for Meg to find me and then call the wolves, so they can enjoy a delicious meal"

"My mysterious friend...you rock" Connie praised as she phoned off.

The entire group (except a stubborn 'Rambo' Peter) were dressed in their winter attire: Eddie is wearing a red coat, a black scarf, black pants and white snow boots, Amy is wearing a burgundy dress coat, pink scarf, pink earpuffs, light blue warmers and pink snow boots, Helena is wearing a blue dress coat, blue earpuffs, green scarf, green pants, black snow boots, the rest is wearing their normal outfit, but with coats of different colors: Lois is wearing yellow, Chris is wearing gray, Katie is wearing orange, Matt is wearing black and Neil is wearing green.

"Wow, we look like a human rainbow!" Amy cheered.

"Yes, we do, little sister" Eddie said "But now we have to find Meg andStewie"

"G-God...it-it's so-so freaking cold!" Peter complained shivering.

"I told you to bring something to cover yourself" Lois reproached him with a clearly annoyed face "But as usual, you didn't listen"

"Luckily in my suitcase, I brought you a coat" Helena said taking out an extra large pink coat.

"Pink, why pink?" Peter asked.

"It was the only coat with that size" Helena answered.

"There's no way I'm gonna wear that..." Peter said as Helena puts it on him "...wow, it feels soft and puffy!"

"We need to find clues..." Lois said as she found footsteps on the snow following to the forrest "Footsteps, they're must be Meg's and Stewie's!"

"Let's follow them" Eddie said "I hope they're okay"

"Wait, this place could be dangerous" Helena said "Few of us must go"

"In that case, I'll go" Peter said.

"Are you insane?" Lois asked "She hates you more than anyone of us"

"So, you're going for her?" Amy asked.

"No, I don't wanna be rejected!" Lois answered.

"In that case, I'll come" Neil said.

"In your dreams, she'd probably run away from you like a lighting bolt" Connie said.

"Then Katie and me wil go" Matt said.

"Come on, she doesn't even know you guys!" Chris said

Then everybody (except Eddie) began to argue about who's going after Meg.

"ENOUGH!" Eddie exclaimed slamming the ground with his giant dragon arms** (A/E: Again, slapstick effect)** "I am the one who ruined her childhood, so I'll go for her"

"You won't go alone, I'm coming with you" Helena said.

"Me too!" Amy replied hugging his arm.

"Okay, the Walkers are on their way then" Eddie said as they went to find Meg.

"Brian, you should go with them" Lois said.

"So what...?" Brian asked already sober, but depressed "So she can tell me more horrible truths about me? No thanks, I had enough as to realize that I'm an awful person...I mean dog...whatever!"

"I know how you feel, everybody does" Lois said "But, you can't keep drinking and lamenting for your mistakes. If we lost Meg, then we're ALL going to lament it forever. So, please...do it...for me"

"***sighed*** I'll give it a try" Brian said as he follows the Walkers.

"Good luck, guys..." Lois said.

"That means he won't drink the six-pack bottles of beer he brought, right?" Peter asked and then drink as Lois slaps herself in the forehead.

Meg was walking around the forrest looking for Stewie.

"Stewie!" Meg called until she found Stewie "Stewie, I found you!"

"Finally, I was getting tired for waiting!" Stewie complained.

"Don't you ever going far without me, you're my biggest responsability right now" Meg said with a maternal tone.

"Sorry, ma'am..." Stewie said as he pressed the device's button behind.

"Come on, let's go back home, we had enough fun today" Meg said.

Suddenly, she felt something coming...behind the woods...three gray fur wolves appeared. They had sharp teeth tainted with blood and coldly eyes showing a deadly stare.

"Stewie...calm down, just...don't...move" Meg said showing nothing, but horror in her face. The middle wolf growled and so did the other two "Forget what I said, RUN!" They both ran as fast they can, being chased by the wolves, looking for some safe place and finally...they found a cave "Excellent!" she took off her hat and give it to the wolves as distraction and they hid inside of the cave "Okay, we're gonna wait until they're gone"

"Damn it, Meg is more clever than I thought" Stewie said mentally "Well, I think I have no choice, but to reveal my true..." then he began to cough.

"Are you okay, sweetie?" Meg asked.

"I'm...***cough***...okay" Stewie answered "Listen: I'm...ACHOO!"

"Oh, sweetie, you caught a cold!" Meg said as she took off her scarf and wrapped him with it "You're gonna be okay...don't forget that your older sister...is here for you"

"I...ha*cough*te you..." Stewie said.

"I love you too..." Meg replied misunderstanding him.

The Walkers kept looking for Meg; Helena wanted to talk with her son.

"I've never seen you so determinated for a young lady" Helena said.

"You know my promise of being a gentleman to the women, Mom" Eddie replied "And a gentleman wouldn't let a girl die in this horrible cold"

"You know I've always love you as my son" Helena said "Remember the time when we watched _Terminator 2_? You never stopped holding my arm when you saw the mother and the son together"

"Yes, it was 4 months after I set up free and my first rated-R movie I ever saw" Eddie added "This movie made me want to know everything about cinema and this stuff"

"But never forget who you are: a-good-boy" Helena said giving him a kiss in the forehead.

"Guys, I think I can smell her right there" Brian said smelling something and goes for it; the Walkers followed him until they found...Meg's shattered hat "No...her hat"

"You don't mean that..." Eddie said.

"SHE WAS TOO YOUNG!" Amy cried in a slapstick effect "WHY? WHYYYYYYY?"

"Wait...she's inside that cave!" Brian said as he got inside.

"IT'S A MIRACLE!" Amy cheered.

"Come on!" Eddie said annoyed pulling her arm.

They got inside where they found Meg and Stewie.

"Meg, is that you?" Brian asked.

"Who's there?" Meg asked.

"Meg, it's us" Eddie answered "We're been looking for you"

"Why for?" Meg asked showing a cold face "So I can go back with that horrible family and YOU bullying me like 9 years ago?"

"I swear to God that I'm no longer that boy who tormented you" Eddie said 'I'd do anything to make it up to you"

"You have a time machine?" Meg asked.

"No" Eddie answered.

"Then leave me alone!" Meg said.

"Meg, we're here, because we're so ashamed for what we did to you" Brian said.

"You keep your nose out of this!" Meg said "Why don't you write another bad book or hit on another blondie? You're worse than Hitler!"

"Ha, ha, BURN!" Stewie said.

"Okay..." Brian said turning around and leaves the cave.

"Meg, this is madness" Helena commented "You're in a cave with an infant, all your friends and family are bloody worried for you"

"Don't you think you're gonna convince me with your accent, Princess Diana" Meg said "It was my choice and I won't take it back"

"Meg, don't you see...?" Eddie asked as he began to sing.

_You think I'm a despicable monster_

_And you've been in so much pain_

_I guess it must be so_

_But still you cannot see_

_How much I changed?_

_How can you judge someone you don't know?_

_You don't know ..._

The whole scenario changed into a beautiful forest. Meg is wearing a 19th Century dress and Eddie is wearing Native American clothes.

_You think you were the only who got hurt_

_But people get hurt too every day._

_But I know every person, plant and creature_

_Has a life, has a spirit, has a name_

They appeared, wearing their normal clothes, along with a giant Peter; Eddie opened Peter's heart like a door and they found a crying little Peter.

_You think the only people who are people_

_Are the people who suffered like you and me_

_But if you get inside of that person's mind_

_You'll learn things you never heard you never knew_

They appeared in a city surrounded by people.

_Have you ever heard a guy cry for losing his love_

_Or asked a crying baby why he cried?_

_Can you sing with all the voices of the people?_

_Can you take a look at all the people's heart?_

_Can you take a look at all the people's heart?_

They appeared as Adam and Eve running through the paradise and found a tree with heart-shaped fruits.

_Come run with me to the hidden life's part_

_And eat the sweetest fruits of the heart_

_Come roll in all the riches all around you_

_And for once, never wonder what they're worth_

They appeared again in space surrounded by lights, shooting stars and different bright shapes.

_My vision of the future is my sibling_

_My spirit to enjoy the life is my friend_

_And they are all connected to each other_

_In a circle, in a hoop that never ends_

They appeared in a mountain.

_How long will a mountain can reach?_

_If you end it earlier, then you'll never know_

_And you'll never hear the voices of the people's laments_

Meg's family and friends appeared all together and their hearts were shinning from inside...even Meg's was shinning like the sun.

For whether we are men or women people

We need to sing with all the voices of the people

We need to take a look at all the people's heart

The scenario went back to normal and Eddie sang the last phrase of the song.

You are the owner of your heart

And the other people's heart

If you can take a look at all the people's heart

"Everybody does have a heart, Meg" Eddie said "Especially your family; and now their hearts are telling them that need their children...they need you"

"Oh my god...you're right...*sniff*" She began to cry "Now I feel guilty for leaving"

"Please, don't be harsh to yourself" Eddie told her "You're not a bad person"

"Yes, I am" Meg said still with tears on her eyes "I'm doing the same crap again! I ca-I can't go back and apologize with them again, they'll think that I'm a complete bitch!"

"You're nothing like that at all, Meg" Eddie said "You just need to accept your family's apology. You lived, you suffered, just like me, you deserve the love and attention you always wanted it"

"So, what do you say?" Amy asked "You're going with us?"

Meg just showed a doubtful face.

Brian was waiting outside unti Stewie showed up.

"Hey dog, did you miss me?" Stewie asked.

"It's useless, Meg will never come back with us" Brian answered "And she's right about me: I'm worse than Hitler and I'll always be worse than Hitler"

"Come on, nobody in thousand years will ever be worse than Hitler" Stewie said "Except me, of course"

"Come on, I know you're not evil anymore" Brian said.

"Really, Brian?" Stewie asked with ofended tone "It was a coincidence that I ran away with MEG? You think it was HER idea of running away?"

"Wait, what do you...? Oh my god..." Brian gasped.

"That's right, Brian" Stewie said with an evil expression "I convinced her to leave this family, so we can be alone...and finish her once and for all"

"What would you do that to her?" Brian asked.

"She called me a cocaine-addicted baby and put me in a foster home, what would you expect?" Stewie asked "Did you forget the time she almost raped you or the time she made you the most hated guy in Quahog by being an atheist?"

"Yeah, but..." Brian answered nervous.

"Then join me, and together we'll turn her into our bitch!" Stewie said offering his hand.

"No.." Brian answered slapping his hand as sign of declined offer "She has suffered enough, even if I treated her bad just to protect my pride; never again"

"How dare you?" Stewie asked clearly angry "I thought you'd help me in everything, you're my best friend!"

"Friends don't help their friends in their crimes, they try to convince them that it's wrong!" Brian said full of determination "And I'm not gonna let you get away with this!"

"Too late, because I have the remote to call the wolves" Stewie said showing the remote "And he wil come right..." but Brian took it, put it in the ground and smashed it into pieces "What have you done?"

"Saving Meg's life" Brian answered.

"You f*cking idiot, they're mind controlled trained wolves!" Stewie angrily explained "If the remote is destroyed, they're gonna act with their instincts!" "In a few words: they're gonna kill us!"

The Walkers and Meg came out of the cave, Meg still had a guilty face.

"Brian, I want to tell you something" Meg said.

"Meg, we gotta get out of here" Brian said.

"Please, this is important" Meg said "First at all: I'm..."

"You can apologize later, there's a wolf pack coming..." then he saw the wolves coming, they're pissed off by just eating a hat.

"RUN!" Amy screamed as they ran away from the wolves and the chase has begun.

Meanwhile, at the other part of the forest; the rest of the troop were waiting for the Walkers and Brian with Meg and Stewie.

"God, why are they taking so long?" Lois asked very worried.

"Don't worry Lois...if they can't find her, I made one with snow...!" Peter said very drunk as he made a Meg snow man wearing the pink coat he was wearing, Neil's glasses and another Meg's hat he had for some reason.

"I can't see without my glasses!" Neil said with his eyes closed.

"That's nice, Peter" Lois praised "But I don't want a snow one, I want our REAL daughter"

"Then let's sing a song to turn her real...!" Peter said.

_When Captain America throws his mighty shield_

"That's Captain America 60's theme" Matt said.

"You're from the 60's..." Peter insulted him.

"Wait, I think I can see them" Lois said looking at a group of people running.

"It's them" Matt said "Guys, over here!"

The guys stopped running to take a breath. Lois couldn't help it, but hugging her daughter.

"I missed you so much, sweetie" Lois said.

"Mom, I gotta tell you something" Meg said.

"I know I've been a horrible mother, but I promise I'll do my best to be better, right Peter?" Lois asked.

"My song worked...!" Peter cheered "Snow Meg is now real...!" he vomits in the ground.

"For God's sake, Peter!" Lois complained.

"Guys, can we talk later? Because there's a wolf pack coming for dinner and we're all the dinner!" Meg said.

"Oh no, they're here" Brian said.

The wolves were in front of them, ready to enjoy a buffet.

"Don't worry guys, I can handle them" Connie said.

"Wait, why is Connie here?" Meg asked.

"My family train animals, I can handle this" Connie said as she looked at the wolves and speak to them with hand signs saying: 'This is your chance, finish them all'. Unfortunately (for her), the wolves ignored the instructions and growled at her "Hey, don't growl at me, I'm superior than you!" but the wolves growled even harder making Connie screamed like the spoiled bitch she is and climbed up a tree "Okay, that was useless"

The wolves began to attack our heroes. One of them slashed at Katie and bit Matt in the leg. Another slashed at Chris's back while he's screaming in the ground "AHHH-AHHH!". Neil was just walking around without his glasses "Will anybody please give me back my glasses?". Lois were trying to protect Stewie from the leader by hitting him with a large piece of wood, but it bit her arm. The Walkers, Brian, Meg and Peter were just standing there watching the scene in horror. This whole scene happened with a shaky camera like in _the Hunger Games_. The wolves already beat them and they were ready to do the same with the rest.

"What are we gonna do?" Amy asked.

Peter, although in his drunk state, he began to break every empty bottle of beer and gave one for each one.

"Everybody...use this as weapon...we're gonna take them down" Peter said.

"Peter, has you lost your head?" Helena asked.

"Maybe he has a point, Mom" Eddie answered as he became a dragon and the bottle into a sharply claw "**WE'RE GOING TO FIGHT!"**

"I sign it!" Amy exclaimed.

"Me too!" Brian said

"What do you say, Megan?" Helena asked.

Meg just saw her empty bottle and her face turned bold "Let's do this"

"3...2...1...LET'S GET IT ON!" Peter exclaimed his war roar.

Brian and Eddie fought against one wolf; Brian bites its tail and Eddie stabbed it in the eye. Helena and Amy were fighting against the second one; Helena grabbed it while Amy stabbed it on the chest like a serial killer. And Peter and Meg fought against the leader, Meg tried to grab it, but it bites her arman slashed her in the cheek. Meg slashed it in the face too, but it overthrew her with a headbutt against a tree, she passed out...but it was a distraction, so Peter can finish with it stabbing it in the chest where its heart is. The fight was over...the wolves were already dead. The others got up and they looked at the 'fighters' victorious.

"What happened?" Chris asked.

"I think they did it" Matt answered.

"Those wolves are more dead than mad cows" Katie commented.

"You did it, you saved our daughter!" Lois cheered hugging Peter and kissing him in the lips "I'm so proud of you!"

"Nobody messes with me..." Peter said still drunk.

"Guys!" Eddie said carrying at Meg "Meg is seriously damaged, we gotta take her to the hospital!"

Meg was very uncouncious, but she began to dream: all her memories about her childhood and teenagehood, the good ones and bad ones, everything is showing in one dream. At the end...she just could imagine a little girl who looks like her...but she looked very different. She finally woke up; she was in the hospital, in the bed with bandages around her head, another bandage in the cheek where the wolf slashed her and anything else if you've been in a hospital. Her family, the Walkers and her friends (except Neil and Connie for some reason) were waiting for her to wake up. They also had wounds, but nothing seriously.

"Meg, you're awake!" Lois said giving her a hug.

"Guys, where am I?" Meg asked.

"In the hospital" Eddie answered "Thank God you're with us now"

"My brother couldn't stop crying until you wake up" Amy said.

"I...wasn't crying" Eddie said nervous.

"Are you kidding?" Peter asked "You're cried more than Tobey Maguire in Spider-Man 3"

"Why you didn't? She's your daughter" Eddie said.

"I knew it she would be alive" Peter answered confidence.

"No, you didn't" Lois corrected.

"Shut up...Lois" Peter whispered.

"Listen...I'm sorry...for everything" Meg said with a big guilt "This is my fault that this all happened. You're not the worst family in the Universe: Mom, you're the most responsable of the house, you can see what is right and what is wrong, we wouldn't last 10 days without you. Chris, you're the most beloved little brother than any sister could have, you're creative and your friendship with Amy is great, I shouldn't forbid you seeing her, she's a good girl. Brian, you're a good friend, you make mistakes of course, but just because you're desperate to get what you want and you date dumb blondes, because you miss Jillian, I'd wish you guys can get back together, it was a good time having her around our house. Dad...you're not an excuse of a human being at all, under all your fatness and ignorance, there's a very shy kid who never got the chance to truly live like one, but when things get hard, you do your best to show the brave and strong father inside of you...thanks for saving me. And finally Eddie: you proved me that I was wrong, people can change and you changed a lot. You're the greatest friend I ever had"

"It's good hearing that from you" Lois praised.

"Unfortunately, I don't deserve to have a family like you" Meg said changing her expression "I'm an awful person: I take drugs, I cut myself, I complain about everything, I used my baby brother for my own benefits, I humiliated my younger brother, I almost beat my father to death, I almost rape my best friend, I pretend being a lesbian once, I almost destroyed a good marriage, I hurted my friends' feelings, I ruined every relationship I had; I'm a liar, I'm a bitch, I'm a disaster!"

"Stop it, Meg!" Eddie demanded having enough of hearing her cons "You don't have to keep hurting yourself anymore!"

"My best friend is right, you're a human being, nobody is perfect" Matt said.

"You're just a horse without a cowboy" Katie said.

"You need the love and compassion that any young lady like you want" Helena said.

"Everybody needs a family, just ask it to the Kennedys, the Sheens, the Pitt-Jolies, the cast of _Harry Potter_, the cast of _Star Wars_..." Amy said.

"Amy, the cast of films are not actual families..." Eddie corrected.

"Don't interrupt me, bro'!" Amy demanded "The cast of the _Lord of the Rings_, the cast of _X-Men_, the cast of the _Pirates or the Caribbean_, the cast of 2009 _Star Trek_, even the cast of _Transformers_ films, including the Autobots and Decepticons"

"Everybody is right, Meg" Lois said "We're a family, not matter how dysfuncional we are, we do everything together"

"At least...can we try to be a better family?" Meg asked "I know it's too much to ask"

"We'll do the best, right everyone?" Lois asked.

"Yup!" Brian answered.

"Yes, Mom" Chris answered.

"Peter?" Lois asked.

"I'm not sured about this" Peter said.

"Dad...I'd like to go to the movies with you again" Meg said.

"Really?" Peter asked drawing a smile in the face "Can we see _Marvel's the Avengers_?"

"You know what? I heard good reviews about that movie" Meg answered "And Black Widow is my favorite character"

"Hell yeah!" Peter cheered.

The Griffins (except Stewie) do a family hug, the Walkers were smiling at them.

"Hey, I'm hungry" Chris said "What are we gonna eat?"

"Oh, there's a restaurant right here where you can enjoy a delicious..." Meg said until being interrupted by Katie.

"That won't be neccesary fellas, I already planned the dinner for us" Katie said.

Tonight, they appeared outside, they set a bonfire and they ate...the wolves' meat.

"Wow, this meat is delicious" Matt praised "Thanks a lot, Katie"

"Y'all welcome" Katie replied.

"It feels funny eating something that almost kill us" Brian said.

"It doesn't matter what we eat, while we're eating with your family, right?" Eddie asked.

"YEAH!" everybody answered.

"Wait, where's Neil and Connie?" Chris asked.

Connie was still stuck up in the tree and Neil was still looking for his glasses.

"Hey Goldman!" Connie called "Help me down!"

"I don't even know what tree you're" Neil said "I can't see you without my glasses"

"I don't care, just get up here and get me down!" Connie kept yelling at him.

"Just let me find my glasses" Neil said.

Later, when everybody went to sleep. Stewie and Brian were sleeping in the same room, so Brian can keep an eye on Stewie.

"Are you awake, Brian?" Stewie asked whispering "Are you still mad by my evil plan?"

"You know I'm always mad by your evil plans" Brian answered whispering too "But this time you tried to kill your sister and she only wanted to give you her love and protection"

"Are you going to tell her that I'm evil?" Stewie asked.

"No, but not because I'm afraid that she doesn't believe me" Brian answered "Because I don't want to hurt her feelings, she forgave me and the rest of the family, I won't screw up this time"

"You're a really good person, dog, whatever, Brian" Stewie commented.

"But you make it this clear: I'll watch you over for now on" Brian said "If you ever try to kill one of Meg's family or friends...I'll try to stop you"

"Let see what you got..." Stewie said "Good night, Brian"

"Good night, Stewie..." Brian replied.

They both fell asleep...waiting for an uncertain future between both.

**End of the Chapter**

**(A/E: Wow, that was a LONG chapter. Well, I hope you liked it and comment about it, I really worked hard on it)**


	8. Eddie Gaga

**Chapter 8: Eddie Gaga**

**(A/E: Before to start it, I want to make some things clear: this story started AFTER the episode 'Seahorse Seashell Party', so Meg is still 17 years old. Jillian is not pregnant (as it's mentioned in the extended episode of 'And there were fewer'), because I think the actual show is already depressing with two more future single mothers (the other one is Brenda, Quagmire's sister). But James Woods will still be revived. I hope you don't mind with these changes)**

Peter and Meg were coming out from the movie theater; they saw _Marvel's the Avengers_.

"This was probably the best movie ever made!" Peter said.

"You know, I can't believe I had a good time" Meg replied "It's like _Transformers 3_, but with good acting, good script and well performed humor"

"Hey, you can't compare it with Transformers" Peter warned her "Michael Bay worked hard in making the franchise into a movie gender"

**Cutaway**

Before _Transformers 3_ was released...

"Okay everyone, remember this is gonna be the last movie of the franchise" Michael Bay said "So let's do our best"

After _Transformers 3_ was released...

"So, there won't be more Transformers films?" a film producer asked.

"Are you kidding me? The third one is one of the highest grossing-box office films of all time!" Michael Bay said "I'm already planning to make a fourth one, bigger explosions, sexier girls, badder acting, pooer script and even worse direction. But who cares? The box office will explode due the money it'll gaiin!"

"Oh boy..." the film producer commented.

**Cutaway's end**

"I missed the flashbacks and cutaways" Peter said.

"Dad, I want to show you the place where your childhood friend Helena works" Meg said.

"Sweet, this is gonna be better than the prank I pulled on Quagmire" Peter said.

**Flashback**

Peter puts a life-size box in front of Quagmire's door, he pressed the doorbell and ran away. Quagmire opened the door and saw the box.

"What's inside of the box?" Quagmire asked as he took the box inside the house, he opened it and it was a Lois sex doll with a dynamite fuse on the top of the head and it was lit. "Wow, a Lois sex doll!" Quagmire said excited "Whoever sent it, it must someone who thinks me and Lois should..."

_**BOOM!**_

Quagmire's face turned dark gray due the explosion.

"Hey Quagmire, did you enjoy doing BOOM-BOOM with my wife?" Peter asked.

**Flashback's end**

Meanwhile, at Griffins' house. Stewie was watching TV.

"God, the new FOX TV shows are boring" Stewie said "I mean _New Girl_? Oh, I better shut up before I piss off the ones who like that show" then he looked at Brian's car "I guess I know how to kill the boredom" he goes outside to get into Brian's car "This is gonna be fun!" he began to drive "What am I gonna do? Oh, I know: I'm gonna find another guy with a car and challenges him to a drag race..." then he crashed against a light pole "Oh no! I crashed Brian's car!" the he thought for a second "I'm more doomed than a boy after he did a panty raid to his older sister's room!"

**Cutaway**

A boy was sleeping until he woke up by hearing a noise. He turned the lights on and it was his teenage sister stealing his underwear.

"Sis', what are you doing in my room?" the boy asked "And why are you stealing my underwear?"

"Now you know how it feels, you little twerp" the teenage girl answered.

**Cutaway's end**

Peter and Meg arrived at the modelling agency building and they went inside.

"Wow, it's like getting inside of an APPLE store, but in pink instead of white" Peter commented.

"And there's more women" Meg added as she was about to ask the receptionist for Helena until she found her with a group of 4 girls: one has a blonde straight silky hair, ruby red lipstick covered lips and tanned skin; she wears a jade green top, dark brown shorts and black heels. An African American, bobcut brunette haired and pink lipstick covered lips; she wears a yellow dress and red heels. An Asian, long black haired, red lipstick covered lips, she wears a school girl uniform (white sailor blouse, red ribbon, blue skirt and black flaps). And an auburn curly haired, freckles in the face, and pink lipstick covered lips; she wears a orange blouse, red skirt and white heels "Hey Helena!"

"Oh, good evening, Meg" Helena greeted "Good evening, Peter"

"Hi, Helena; hey who are these girls?" Peter asked.

"They're my models for my fashion show next Saturday" Helena answered "Krystal (the blondie), Ashley (the African American), Yuki (the Asian) and Hannah (the auburn haired)"

"Oh my god, there's gonna be a fashion show?" Meg asked excited.

"Would you like to come?" Helena asked.

"Can we, Dad?" Meg asked.

"I don't know, what they're gonna wear in the show?" Peter asked.

"They're going to wear casual outfits, formal dresses and swimsuits" Helena answered.

"And when you say 'swimsuits', you're meaning...?" Peter asked.

"Bikinis" Helena answered.

"All right, you convinced me" Peter said "See you next Saturday" he leaves.

"Wait, Dad, I didn't even show you the...and he's already gone" Meg said with clear annoyance in the face.

"It's okay, Meg" Helena said "I'm awfully busy right now anyway"

"I understand" Meg said.

"Come on, girls" Helena said as she leaves with the models.

"Eek, what an ugly girl" Krystal commented.

"Yeah, totally" Ashley replied.

"Not pretty" Yuki said.

"I think she's pretty cute" Hannah replied.

Then the girls stared at Hannah very coldly. Suddenly, Krystal began to talk breaking the fourth wall, as she was in a reality show.

"Cute, that girl wearing out of fashion clothes, cute?" Krystal asked "I think Hannah shouldn't be with us, she doesn't know the difference between what is cute and what is pretty"

But Krystal wasn't talking with anybody, much to the others' discomfort.

"Krystal, who are you talking to?" Ashley asked.

"Nothing, it's just a bad habit" Krystal answered regaining the sensibleness.

Meanwhile, at the Griffins' house; Stewie hid Brian's crashed car in the garage and covered with a sailcloth; suddenly Brian appeared behind of him.

"Stewie, what are you doing here?" Brian asked.

"Hi Brian, ah...I'm not hiding anything" Stewie answered.

"That's not what I asked" Brian said "But now you must tell me what you're hiding"

"I'm not showing you anything!" Stewie shouted.

"Look, it's James Franco!" Brian exclaimed.

"Where?" Stewie asked excited as Brian took the chance to take off the sailcloth revealing his crashed car.

"*gasp*, MY CAR!" Brian screamed "What the hell did you do?"

"I'm sorry, Brian!" Stewie begged crying "I was bored, so I drove your car for a joy ride and I accidentally crashed into a light pole!"

"That's the most irresponsable thing you ever done!" Brian scolded "I'm telling Lois!"

"No, Please!" Stewie begged "I don't want get in trouble!"

"Sorry Stewie, but this time I won't cover you" Brian said "You could get killed!"

"Let me fix it!" Stewie propused "I can repair your car in my lab!"

"Can you?" Brian asked.

"Trust me; it's gonna be like new" Stewie answered.

"Okay, but if this is one of your scams, you're gonna be in more trouble than Chris after he caused that accident in his class's laboratory" Brian warned.

**Flashback**

Chris turned his Bunssen fuse on, he got up to the table and put his pants down showing his fat ass. He farted while the flame was on and made a huge fire the whole laboratory.

**Flashback's end**

The next day, at the mall; Meg, Chris, Eddie and Amy were in the food court.

"And the doctor answered 'Yuddai!" Chris said as everybody laughs "I don't understand why Neil didn't like the joke"

"He was depressed that time" Eddie said "But since he recovered, he's been working really hard on his comic book"

"Yeah, I'm so excited to read his comic book too!" Amy replied "I wonder if he's writting a superhero comic; I LOVE superheroes, especially girls: Wonder Woman, Batgirl, Sailor Moon, the PowerPuff Girls..."

"Okay, we got that" Meg said to make her stop talking.

Suddenly Eddie's cellphone rang; it has the Indiana Jones theme.

"Hi" Eddie called.

_Honey bun, it's me: your mother_

"What's up, Mom?" Eddie asked.

_Can you come to my work?_

"Sure, I'm on my way" Eddie answered as he hung off.

"What's happening?" Meg asked.

"Sorry guys, but my mom needs my help" Eddie answered "You can come with me"

"To the Bat mobile!" Chris exclaimed.

A 60's Batman symbol appeared, but nothing happened.

"Or we can take a taxi" Meg said.

"Okay" Chris agreed.

Our heroes went to the modelling agency where they're in Helena's office.

"What's going on, Mom?" Eddie asked.

"Oh Edward, one of my models suffered a terrible accident" Helena said "Hannah, come on in"

Hannah came in, who's in a wheelchair with a bandaged broken leg.

"Oh god, how did this happen to you?" Eddie asked.

"I...fell from my stairs in my home" Hannah answered.

"What am I going to do?" Helena asked desperate "I need at least four models for the Fashion Show or my outfits will never be sold. And Lori would have working on them in vain"

"Wait, you need a model?" Meg asked "I can be the model!"

"How old are you?" Helena asked.

"17 years old" Meg answered.

"I'm sorry, but you must be over 18 to get in" Helena replied.

"Oh, what a shame..." Meg commented with a sad tone "I really wanted to...wait a minute: aren't you saying this because of my appearance?

"Of course not, my friend" Amy answered "I think you look lovely"

"Yeah, you look exactly like Mom...but with Dad's chubbiness" Chris said.

"You're fat too, Chris!" Meg insulted him.

"Men aren't fat, we're big boned or at least a little chubby" Chris corrected.

"You know what? If you don't want me in your 'Fashion Show', just say it!" Meg shouted as she angrily storms out.

"I have to go too" Chris said "Bye!"

He leaves too.

"I'm very sorry, Ms. Star" Hannah apologizes.

"I'd wish I could help you, girls" Eddie said.

Suddenly; Amy looked at her brother carefully and...

"I GOT IT!" Amy cheered "You're 18 years old, you can replace Hannah!"

"Wait, what?" Eddie asked.

"With the perfect outfit, a wig and make up; my big brother can become my big sister!" Amy said.

"Absolutely NOT!" Eddie said crossing his arms and showing some male pride "I'm not gonna dress like a girl and act like one; I'm not Ed Wood...or Steven Tyler"

"That is sweet, sweet heart" Helena praised "But that won't be neccesary. We'll find another model"

Suddenly; Lori came in.

"Ms. Star; I have bad news" Lori said "We couldn't find another model to replace Hannah; apparentely some perverted man kidnapped them all"

_GIGGITY!_

"Bloody hell!" Helena cursed "Sorry for my language. But I guess my son has to become my second daughter"

"Just do it, big brother!" Amy said hugging his arm "For us!"

"There's no way that I'm going to..." Eddie said until he saw all the girls with sad puppy eyes "No...they know my weakness...these cute puppy eyes...I can-I can't just ignore them..." he finally gave up "All right, I'll do it!"

**(A/E: I must confess that not even me can resist to any character doing these eyes. I watched that flashback in Thanksgiving episode where Joe was about to arrest a man who stole a can until he revealed he had a family to feed and his children did the puppy eyes. And in that American Dad episode: 'Wheels & the Legman and the Case of Grandpa's Key', in a scene where Steve was about to fire Stan under Roger's orders, he couldn't even say it when Stan did the puppy eyes too. Maybe these shows have their cons; but they still have a great animation)**

"YEAH!" Amy cheered "I'm gonna make you the prettiest girl ever!"

"But I'm still thinking this is a bad idea" Eddie commented "Like when Tom Cruise accepted his role on _Top Gun_"

**Cutaway**

We see Tom Cruise reading the screenplay of _Top Gun_.

"I have the feeling that if I do this movie, there will be rumors that I'm gay" Tom Cruise commented.

**Cutaway's end**

Meanwhile, at the Griffin's house; Stewie was taking Brian outside while he's eye-bandaged.

"Stewie, where are we going?" Brian asked.

"First of all; I'm still fixing your car and I used the insurance to buy you a new car" Stewie explained.

"You what?" Brian asked "If you used the insurance to buy me a new car, what's the point of fixing the old one?"

"I wanted it for myself; but I decided to give it to you until your car is fixed" Stewie answered "Now, take off the bandage"

Brian took off the bandages from his eyes and found a military tank.

"You bought me a TANK?" Brian asked antonished.

"Isn't it badass?" Stewie asked.

"You know what happened the last time this family bought a tank?" Brian asked.

"Come on, Meg taught us to learn from our mistakes" Stewie answered "Besides; you're a smart dog, you can handle this"

"Okay" Brian agreed as he got inside of the tank and began to drive it.

Inside of the tank; Brian can see anything through the monitor.

"Well, as long I don't hurt people with that...wait, what is that?" Brian asked as he looked at the cartel of Sarah Palin saying 'American and Proud' "F*ck you, Sarah Palin" he shoots a big bullet to destroy the cartel "Wow...I destroyed something...and it feels GOOD. God, I'm feeling more badass than Chuck Norris.

**Cutaway**

"Again, nobody is more badass than me" Chuck Norris commented "Go and see the _Expendables 2_ where I kick some ass"

**Cutaway's end**

Amy and Eddie were alone in the women's dressing room.

"Okay, big bro'" Amy said "The first stage for your transformation is shaving all your body hair" she gave him a bucket that contains a soap, a shampoo, a brush, shave cream and a shaver "Use the shave cream in your body hair's areas and took them off with the shaver. Then take a shower to clean yourself"

"Sounds easy" Eddie said as he leaves.

**20 minutes later...**

Eddie came back wearing only a towel from the waist.

"I'm here..." Eddie said until he saw Amy "WHOA!" he found his sister in her underwear: she's wearing a small white bra with a pink ribbon and matching panties with pink hearts in the hips. He obviously covered his eyes "Jesus, Amy, why the hell did you stripped off!"

"I'm not gonna be there when Lori selected your outfit, so I stripped off to my undies so we can see ourselves in the mirror like sisters!" Amy explained.

"You're insane" Eddie commented.

"There's nothing wrong seeing your sister in her undies" Amy replied "Anyway: how do you feel without body hair?"

"I hadn't too much body hair, but my body is smoother" Eddie answered.

"And it will be even more smooth by wearing THESE!" she took out a pair of...PINK SATIN PANTIES WITH A RED RIBBON!

"On no, I'm so NOT doing this!" Eddie said with clearly fear in his face.

"Do you wanna see a girl or a guy in drag?" Amy asked as she began to explain the undergarment "Just take a look at them: they're control briefs, frills on the edges, padded on the hips and butt to got an authentic girl's butt, basically granny panties, not so sexy, but perfect to hide your..."

"Don't even say it!" Eddie warned her.

"Come on, Big Bro!" Amy said, smiling big "Can you just do it?"

"No, I'm not putting on women's underwear and- oh God what are you doing!"

Eddie exclaimed as his sister used her incredible strength to put him in the ground, she took him off the towel and put the underwear on "WHAT THE HELL, AMY?"

"TA-DA!" Amy cheered "How are you feeling wearing girl's panties?"

"Amy, I swear I'm gonna...whoa, they feel comfortable" Eddie said touching his bottom covered with the satin panties "It's the most comfortable underwear I ever wore!"

"Do you like them? That's what girls wear every day!" Amy explained "Next: the bra!" she took out a matching bra.

"Amy, I don't think it's gonna fit me" Eddie said.

"I also have breast forms" Amy replied showing a pair of plastic breast forms **(A/E: they're censored due the nipples)** "Try on!"

Eddie grabbed the bra, he began to put it on, he needed her sister's help of course and once he wore it, he put the breast forms inside of his bra, creating the illusion that he actually has breasts.

"I was wrong; it fit me perfectly" Eddie commented touching his 'breasts'.

"I'm jealous at you right now: your first bra and you're B cup!" Amy said "Next thing: the wig!" she takes out a brunnete hime-cut wig and puts it on his head.

"I look like a girl?" Eddie asked.

"Not yet; I'm gonna apply you some make-up" Amy said as she used eye liner, pink lipstick and powder for the cheeks on him "And...DONE!"

"Well, how do I look?" Eddie asked.

"Well, judge it by yourself" Amy answered as she made her new 'sister' looking at a large mirror: he was looking at a beautiful girl "And now the final accesory" she puts on a silver collar "Well, what do you think?"

"Oh my god...Oh my god!" Eddie/Emma screamed of surprised as her voice is like Kristen Stewart "My voice even changed!"

"Thanks to this voice-changer collar that Mom and I bought in Best Buy" Amy said "Just look at us: we're two sisters wearing nothing, but their undies. Don't you feel feminine right now?"

"Yes, I even felt more feminine than Meg" Eddie commented "I wonder where did she go"

Meanwhile, at Neil's house; Meg was in the basement where Neil was working on his comic book while she complains for what happened in the modelling agency.

"And then Chris said (mimicking Chris) 'Men aren't fat, we're big boned or at least a little chubby'" Meg said very upset "They don't think I'm not pretty enough for their stupid fashion show!"

"And why did you come to me?" Neil asked

"Because I heard you made fake IDs for the popular guys, so they can buy beer for Connie's party last year" Meg said.

"Yes, I did" Neil replied "In what other way did I get the limited edition life-size wax figure of Mr. Spock?" he showed the wax figure of Mr. Spock "Unfortunately, they sent me the Mr. Spock portrayed by Zachary Quinto and not portrayed by Leonard Nimoy, but they told me to take it or give me a wedgie"

"Look: I don't care about your nerdy collection" Meg said "Can you give me a fake ID?"

"What can you give me exchange?" Neil asked.

"I'll be your best friend" Meg answered.

"I thought you were already my best friend" Neil replied.

"Get a map, Goldman; you're my replacement friend" Meg said "If you don't like my offer; I can give you anything else you want...except sex"

"I'm gonna need the limited edition action figure of Captain Kirk inside of its box" Neil said.

"Deal" Meg agreed "But start working on my ID now"

She leaves him alone.

"You're not my boss..." Neil replied annoyed

_Neil; remember sending an E-Mail of thanks to your grandmother by my Birthday present!_

"Yes, Dad!" Neil replied.

The next day in the Griffins' house; Lois was reading the newspaper until Brian showed up.

"Good morning, Lois" Brian greeted.

"Good morning, Brian..." Lois returned the greeting with a suspicious tone "I've been reading the newspaper and I found some very interesting things. Do you know all the cartels of Sarah Palin were destroyed yesterday? Or the army recruitment centers were destroyed too?

"Well, whoever it is, he must be doing a great social service" Brian answered with an arrogant tone.

"Then I noticed a TANK parked outside of the house" Lois added rising her eyebow.

"Tank? Don't be ridiculous" Brian told her getting nervous

"Stop lying, Brian!" Lois demanded clearly upset "I perfectly know you've doing those things!"

"So?" Brian asked crossing his arms.

"Did you forget the last time this family bought a tank?" Lois asked.

"Of course, I didn't" Brian answered "That's why I'm driving the tank with responsability, unlike Peter who almost killed you with it"

"I guess you got a point..." Lois agreed, but still unsured.

"Now, if you excuse me; I'll drive MY tank with responsability" Brian said leaving his seat and going outside.

Outside (through the kitchen's window with Lois still present); Brian drove the tank...and then he accidentally rode over Joe's legs: "AAAHHH, WHAT THE HELL?" "Sorry!" he continued his way, making Lois deeply sighing.

Meanwhile at Neil's house; Neil finally finished on making Meg's fake ID. Meg was present carrying a shopping bag.

"Here you go, Meg" Neil said giving the fake ID to her.

"Thank you very much..." Meg thanked as she took a look at it "My fake name is Taylor Swift?"

"Well, I was about to use Jennifer Lawrence's, but I already gave it to someone else" Neil answered

**Flashback**

Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss Everdeen went to her dressing room. Once inside; she took off her brunette wig revealing her long blonde hair; she's actually Connie.

"This is just awesome, nobody knows that I'm just an imposter" Connie asked "This is the beginning of my acting career" She goes to a closet where she found the real Jennifer Lawrence, tied up, a tape on her mouth...and in white lingerie "Thanks for letting me burrrow your precious identity. I don't know why you got an Oscar nomination; that movie you starred is f*cking boring"

**Flashback's end**

"I guess I have to put on my blonde wig again" Meg said.

"Wait, your part of the deal" Neil said.

"Okay, here you got, enjoy your toy" Meg said giving the shopping bag to him.

"It's a collection item" Neil corrected as he took off the action figure of Captain Kirk "Hey, it's not the Captain Kirk portrayed by William Shatner, but the one portrayed by Chris Pine!"

"You want another wedgie?" Meg asked in a menacing way.

"Ah...thinking well, I like Chris Pine too" Neil commented "He was awesome in _Unstoppable_, did you watch _Unstoppable_? Anyway; enjoy your fake ID and leave my underpants alone"

"Thank you, Neil" Meg thanked with a very satisfied smile "They're gonna regret this more than Dad after giving peanuts to an elephant when I told him not to do it"

**Flashback**

Peter and Meg were in the zoo watching an elephant.

"Hey, big boy!" Peter called holding a bag of peanuts "Wanna have some peanuts?"

"Dad, you shouldn't feed the animals" Meg warned him.

"Come on, what could it go wrong-AAAAAAAHHHH!" he was caught by the elephant and began to shake him "PLEASE-HELP-ME!"

"*sigh* I'll call the zookepper" Meg said.

**(A/E: (bratty chuckling))**

**Flashback's end**

Meanwhile at, the modelling agency; Helena and Amy were waiting for Lori.

"You're gonna LOVE my biggest creation!" Amy said excited.

Lori finally came in.

"Thank you for waiting" Lori thanked "As you know: we need at least one more model for the fashion show. So please give a nice greeting to...Emma Walter!"

Somebody came it: it was a hime cut brunette haired girl, she's wearing a purple cap sleeve blouse and a blue flared short skirt and black heels.

"Oh my goodness; is that you honeybun?" Helena asked totally surprised.

"Hi, Mom..." Eddie/Emma greeted blushing.

"You even became shy, just like you were 6 years old" Helena commented.

"I'm not shy, it's because wearing these clothes is so embarrasing!" Eddie/Emma said "And these heels are killing me!"

"And take at look at her PANTIES!" Amy said lifting her brother/sister's skirt showing his/her panties.

"AMY!" Eddie/Emma shouted at her putting his/her hands on the skirt.

"I think the knickers she chose for you are perfect" Helena commented.

"MOM!" Eddie/Emma exclaimed.

"Relax, sweetheart" Helena said "It's normal that a mother cares what her daughter wears"

**Cutaway**

A mother dressed like Catwoman (Batman 60's) was waiting for her children to get some candies for Halloween.

"Kids, are you ready to go?" the mother asked.

A boy dressed like Superman came out.

"I'm Superman!" the boy cheered.

"You look wonderful, my little Man of Steel" the mother praised.

Another boy came out, but dressed like Batman.

"I'm Batman!" the other boy cheered.

"You also look wonderful, my little Dark Knight" the mother praised.

And then a girl dressed like Wonder Woman came out.

"I'm Wonder Woman!" the girl cheered.

"Oh no, my daughter is not going out dressed like that!" the mother scolded.

"But, Mom!" the girl whinned.

"Go and change to your Lois Lane's costume" the mother told as she grabs her daughter's hand to bring her to her room.

"But I'll look boring!" the girl complained.

"At least you'll be safe for creepy middle-aged men" the mother replied.

**Cutaway's end**

"At least the fashion show is now safe" Helena said.

Suddenly; another girl appeared; it was Meg dressed like Taylor Swift: Curly blonde wig, purple eye lips, red lipstick, white shirt with a black top underneath (her belly is showing), tight jeans and black heels.

"You still need another model?" Taylor (Meg) asked "How 'bout a famous singer?"

"Oh...my...GOD!" Amy cheered as she bounces of excitement "You're one of my favorite singers. I like your song 'You Belong with Me'"

"Thanks, girl" Taylor (Meg) thanked messing her hair.

"So good to see you, Ms. Swift" Helena greeted "But you don't need to be in our fashion show"

"It's because of that South Park episode where it made fun at me?" Taylor (Meg) asked.

**Clip**

"Taylor Swift is dangerous!" Cartman said as he starts 'cat-breaded-Taylor Swift-reoprting' "Taylor Swift is dangerous!"

**Clip's end**

"No, it's because we already have a model" Helena said pointing at Eddie/Emma.

"Come on, Mom!" Amy said "Can Taylor Swift be the fifth model? Please!"

"I don't know..." Helena answered.

"I'll do it for free" Taylor (Meg) said.

"Deal" Helena accepted "Welcome to our fashion show"

"Hi, I'm Emma Walter" Eddie/Emma greeted offering the hand, but Taylor (Meg) grabbed her blouse's collar.

"Listen, you little bitch" Taylor (Meg) said in a menacing way and started speaking with an Irish accent "I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. But I have are a very particular set of sexy moves; moves I have acquired watching all the seasons of _American's Next Top Model_. Moves that make me a nightmare for bitches like you. If you give up now, that'll be the end of it. But if you don't, I will take you down. Do you understand?"

"Did you just quote _Taken_?" Eddie/Emma asked.

"Do you understand?" Taylor (Meg) repeated the question.

"Yes, ma'am!" Eddie/Emma answered "And good luck"

Later, Amy and 'Emma' were walking around downtown, so she can 'brag' of her 'new sister'.

"Amy, why do we have to go downtown?" Eddie/Emma asked.

"Because, Emma, we're testing your female persona" Amy answered "Let's see if you can fool a guy" she looked through a burger restaurant's window at Matt "Try with this guy"

"Matt?" Eddie/Emma asked "He's my friend, I don't wanna fool him as a girl..."

"Are you afraid to seduce him?" Amy asked.

"No, I'm afraid that he'll seduce me!" Eddie/Emma answered

"Just do it!" Amy told pushing him/her to the restaurant.

He/She got in and began to walk like a girl towards Matt and sat down next to him.

"Hello there" Eddie/Emma greeted.

"Hi" Matt greeted with a gentle smile

"Um, I'm new in town and I'm feeling lonely" Eddie/Emma said "I'm wondering if you wouldn't mind...giving me a tour around the city"

"Well, that'd be a pleasure" Matt replied.

"Emma, Emma Walter" Eddie/Emma told his/her 'fake' name.

"Matt, Matt Kennedy" Matt told his name too.

"Oh, your last name is Kennedy?" Eddie/Emma asked with his/her fists' knuckles touching his/her chin "Like the 35th president of the United States: John F. Kennedy?"

"Wow, you know everything about American history, isn't it?" Matt asked "I bet that you're pretty as you're smart"

"Oh wait, this is all moving very quickly" Eddie/Emma said "I just like cute guys like you. You must think I'm a fool"

"I'm-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come on too strong" Matt said apologetically.

"Oh, that's alright" Eddie/Emma said "I wouldn't even laugh at you because you like playing Mario games. Just because you think it's for babies"

"Wait, how do you know...?" Matt asked until his face turned into a very shocked one "Oh my god...Eddie?"

"That's me, baby" Eddie/Emma said taking off his/her voice-change collar "I can't believe you fell for it!"

"Why the hell are you dressed like a girl?" Matt asked outraged.

"My mom needed a model for her fashion show, so Amy and Lori dressed me like a girl" Eddie/Emma explained putting back the collar "I wanted to see if I could fool a guy with my female appearance"

"And how do you feel wearing girl clothes?" Matt asked.

"I felt embarrased at start, but I felt them very comfortable" Eddie/Emma answered "Except for these stupid heels killing my feet"

"Hey...can I be your bodyguard?" Matt asked.

"My bodyguard?" Eddie/Emma asked.

"I'm the only guy who knows who you really are" Matt answered "If another guy sees you, seduces you, and finds out about your true identity; you can be damn sure, he could kick your ass"

"You got a point" Eddie/Emma said "So for now on, you're my boyfriend"

"Hey, I accepted being your bodyguard, NOT your boyfriend!" Matt said very offended.

"*giggling* I was just kidding" Eddie/Emma said "I guess acting like a girl is not hard at all"

"You're freaking me out, right now" Matt said.

"And you must be with me all the time while I'm dressed like this" Eddie/Emma replied "At least for one week, when the fashion show starts"

"Oh boy, this is gonna be harder than babysitting my little sister" Matt complained.

**Flashback**

Matt was in his house looking for his little sister.

"Sophie, where are you?" Matt asked calling her "Dad is gonna kill me if I don't find her" then he found a rope "What is it?" he pulled it and green slime covered him.

"Ha, ha, you got slimed!" Sophie said laughing.

**Flashback's end**

One week later; the fashion show was tonight (it was in the Quahog community center) and all the models were in the dressing room. They were going to dress up together, much for Eddie/Emma's dismay.

"All right girls, tonight is the night" Adam said "Remember: it's not a contest, but a show to promote the outfits you're wearing. Oh, and Ms. Swift, can you give me your autograph? I'm your biggest fan"

"Sure" Taylor (Meg) said signing her name in a piece of paper "Here you hot"

"Thank you, Ms. Swift" Adam thanked "And everybody: you have 15 minutes to dress up your casual outfits"

He finally leaves and all the girls began to undress to their underwear. Taylor (Meg)'s was white cream, Krystal's was black, Ashley's was yellow and Yuki's was blue. Eddie/Emma wasn't only blushing, but sweating like he was in a sauna.

"Hey, little bitch, take off your clothes" Krystal told "Or are you afraid of what kind of underwear you're wearing?"

"Ah...sort of" Eddie/Emma answered

"Don't be such a baby!" Taylor (Meg) told as she stripped him/her off to him/her underwear "Or should I say OLD LADY!"

"Good one, because she's wearing granny panties!" Krystal said.

"Who wears those things?" Ashley asked.

"The ugly ones" Yuki answered.

All the models laughed at Eddie/Emma's underwear.

"Please...Please stop laughing" Eddie/Emma begged until "ENOUGH!"

The scenario changed into a rocky mountain; the models were wearing gray dirty slave clothes and Eddie/Emma was wearing a purple witch dress and his/her hair turned white, so the eyes as well.

"**YOU WILL NOT MAKE FUN AT MY UNDERWEAR, EVER**!" Eddie/Emma ordered with a powerful voice with a strong English accent **(A/E: Let's say Helen Mirren's)**.

"YES, MA'AM!" the models replied.

The scenario turned back to normal.

"Good, now let's get dressed" Eddie/Emma said.

Meanwhile, Brian was driving his tank until he was stopped by Joe and his cops.

"Hold down there!" Joe ordered using a megaphone "Whoever you are, there were complains of you misusing the tank. I give you the order to surrender"

"Oh, so you wanna take my biggest weapon?" Brian asked arrogantly "You gotta catch me first!"

Brian kept driving smashing some cop cars and the chase has just began.

The fashion show started; the spot lights were randomly moving.

Ladies and gentlemen; welcome to our 1st Quahog Fashion Show.

The public cheers: YEAH!

Our first model is Ashley Davis.

The fashion progressed showing every model wearing the first two outfits; Ashley was first: her casual outfit was a green top, denim hotpants and white heels. Her formal outfit was a floral yellow dress with fluffy straps. Her perfomance happened with a fragment of the song 'Bleeding Love' by Leona Lewis.

_Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love_

_I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love_

_Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love_

Our next model is Yuki Haruka.

Yuki's casual outfit was a red casual dress, a pink sweater jacket and red flaps. Her formal outfit was a blue kimono with white flowers and a purple sash. Her perfomance happened with a fragment of the song 'Monochrome Effect' by Perfume (A/E: That song is from American Dad episode 'May the Best Stan Win').

_Kono monochrome effect_

_Tobidasu scale fusoku_

_demo sabitsuku koto wa nai kedo_

_Tsuriattenai kokoro haguruma BARANSU (balance)_

Our next model is Krystal Johnson

Krystal's casual outfit was a pink top, denim jacket, denim shorts and black heels. Her formal outfit was a strapless red cocktail dress. Her perfomance happened with a fragment of the song 'Tik-Tok' by Ke$ha.

_Don't stop, make it pop_

_DJ, blow my speakers up_

_Tonight, I'mma fight_

_'Til we see the sunlight_

_Tick tock on the clock_

_But the party don't stop, no_

And now, a very young, yet cute model: Emma Walter!

"All right, this is my moment..." Eddie/Emma said.

He/She came out wearing his casual outfit: purple casual dress, sky-blue scarf and navy heels. Formal outfit: an elegant black spaghetti-strap dress. Her perfomance happened with a fragment of the song 'Poker-Face' by Lady Gaga.

_Can't read my,_

_Can't read my_

_No he can't read my poker face_

_(She's got to love nobody)_

_Can't read my_

_Can't read my_

_No he can't read my poker face_

_(She's got to love nobody)_

_P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face_

_(Mum mum mum mah)_

_P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face_

_(Mum mum mum mah)_

And now, we saved the last model, because this one is a special guest: Taylor Swift!

Taylor (Meg) came out wearing her casual outfit: a white long sleeve blouse with her shoulders exposed, yellow mini-skirt and white heels. Formal outfit: a strapless pink dress. Her perfomance happened with a fragment the song 'You Belong with Me' by...well, you know who.

_She wears high heels, I wear sneakers_

_She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers_

_Dreaming bout the day when you wake up and find_

_That what you're looking for has been here the whole time_

_If you could see that I'm the one who understands you_

_Been here all along so why can't you see?_

_You belong with me_

Meanwhile, at the chase; Brian was still trying to avoid the cops. He found a cartel of 7-UP, so he a shot another bullet to destroy the pole that held it and it fell down to block the cops' way.

"So long, jerks!" Brian mocked.

"DAMN YOU, TANK GUY!" Joe cursed "AND DAMN YOU 7-UP!"

"Oh yeah, I'm unstoppable!" Brian cheered until he realized...he can't stop the tank "Oh, crap..."

Meanwhile, at the fashion show; everybody were dressed on their bikinis. Krystal's is ruby color, Ashley's is emerald color, Yuki's is sapphire color and Taylor (Meg)'s is white.

"All right, are you ready to go?" Helena asked.

"YEAH!' the models answered.

"Wait, where's Emma?" Helena asked until she noticed the bathroom's door opened.

She goes to the bathroom and she found Eddie/Emma wearing a pink bikini and covering his/her crotch with the hands.

"Sweetheart, what are you doing?" Helena asked "We're waiting for you"

"I can't come out, I think I developed Ed Wood's fetish and now I can't control my 'little buddy's behavior', if you know what I'm talking about" Eddie/Emma explained.

"No, not at all" Helena replied.

"I think I like wearing girls' clothes...they're soft...they make me feel pretty" Eddie/Emma said taking off the wig, following the collar "But I can't wear them; I'm a GUY!

"I know, honeybun" Helena said "I changed your diapers when you were a baby"

"It's not that, I'm feeling that I'm lying at people by pretending to be someone I'm not" Eddie said.

"Listen: if you don't want to do it, it's all right" Helena said "I'll call Consuela to bring you some of your clothes"

"No, Mom" Eddie said "I wanna continue; I'm almost there, after that, no more Emma"

"I just want to tell you this: not matter if you're a boy or a girl, I'll always love you" Helena said "I'll allow you to dress like Emma anytime you want"

"Thanks, Mom" Eddie said as he puts his wig and collar back on "It's show time"

"Wait, what about your...'thing'?" Helena asked.

"Hmm...I got it!" Eddie/Emma said as he/she grabbed some toilet paper and put it inside of his/her bikini bottom "I'm ready"

Helena came out as Taylor (Meg) was about to go to the bathroom.

"Hey, little bitch!" Taylor (Meg) called "Why are you taking so long?

Suddenly; they both crashed against each other making their wigs falling down.

"Sorry...wait, Meg?" Eddie/Emma asked.

"Look out where you...wait, EDDIE?" Meg asked totally antonished.

"You were Taylor Swift all this time?" Eddie/Emma asked.

"What about you? You're dressed like a girl!" Meg answered "Are you gay?"

"What? No!" Eddie/Emma answered "My sister asked me to model in this show when they couldn't find a replacement. And what about you?"

"I was pissed, because they didn't let me to be part of the show, so I got a fake ID, I put on this blonde wig and here I am" Meg answered.

"Wow, you really fool me with your disguise" they both said it at the same time, following a laugh for this.

"I guess I was worried about being caught" Eddie/Emma commented putting his/her wig (again) "But now, I'm more than ready"

"Me too" Meg said putting her blonde wig on "Let's make a good show, 'girlfriend'"

"Wait, aren't you supposed to be with your dad?" Eddie/Emma asked.

"I took care of it already" Taylor (Meg) answered.

Peter was sitting among the crowd watching the show.

"Wow, this show is fabulous, I'm excited to watch all the hot babes in sexy bikinis" Peter said "Right, sweetie?"

Peter actually came with...Katie dressed like Meg.

"Ah...I wear glasses and a hat" Katie answered trying to speak like Meg.

"That's my girl" Peter praised.

And now; to conclude the show: the desings for this Summer!

The models came out one by one as a fragment of the song 'California Girls" by Katy Perry was playing

_Oooooh oh oooooh_

_California girls, we're unforgettable_

_Daisy Dukes, bikinis on top_

_Sun-kissed skin, so hot_

_We'll melt your Popsicle_

_Oooooh oh oooooh_

"You know, I always hated Taylor Swift" Peter commented "But now I can see how hot she is!"

**(A/E: (bratty chuckling))**

The models finished on posing and the music stopped, meaning the fashion show is over.

Okay, that's all folks. This concludes our first Quahog Fashion Show. We'll see you again to the next year.

"Wait, I have something to say!" Eddie/Emma said as he/she looked at the crowd "Ladies and gentlemen...I just want to say that it was an honor to come...and see us wearing these wonderful outfits. But I must confess you guys something...I'm not what you guys think I am..." he/she was about to take off the wig and collar "I'm actually..."

Suddenly, a quake was shaking the place and then a tank crashed the wall of the community center. Somebody came out: it was Brian.

"If the cops ask, tell them it was the army's fault" Brian told as he ran away.

"YEAH!" Peter cheered "THIS SHOW KICKASS!"

A spinning newspaper announced with big letters: **FASHION SHOW DESTROYED BY THE ARMY**.

Next day; Meg was waiting for somebody outside of the modelling agency building. Eddie finally came out with a half smile.

"Well, what did your mom say?" Meg asked.

"The bad news are that as the community center was destroyed, Mom has to pay a lot of money" Eddie answered.

"Oh, that's terrible" Meg commented.

"Not at all" Eddie corrected "Fortunately the fashion show was successful enough that Mom will pay the debt with the 10% of the money of the outfits that will be sold this Summer"

"At least nobody got hurt...except for the models" Meg said.

They both took a walk and kept talking.

"Listen: I'm sorry for not telling you about my female identity before" Eddie said "I want you to know that I felt more embarrased dressed like a girl around with other girls than you when you found out I was a guy dressed like a girl seeing you dressing and undressing...darn it, I'm wrong. You must be felt more embarrased than me..."

"I was...just a little" Meg said "But when you told me you were doing this for your mother, I didn't mind to have a crossdresser friend"

"Yeah, this whole experiencie made me enjoy girl clothing..." Eddie said "I'm totally screwed"

"There's nothing wrong wearing opposite gender clothes" Meg said "I sometimes wear men pants, because I feel them more comfortable"

"I'm glad, I'm not the only one" Eddie said.

"Are you ever going to dress like Emma again?" Meg asked.

"I don't know; I kept some Emma's outfits and underwear in my closet" Eddie answered "Why?"

"I want to apologize to her for treating her bad" Meg answered "Maybe I become a bitch every time I wear the blonde wig"

"Okay..." Eddie agreed.

"Also I want to ask her if I can borrow her yellow outfit" Meg added.

"What?" Eddie asked "Come on, you can't take it, she likes that combination of the yellow blouse with that white sweater and long flowery skirt"

"I'm not gonna take it, just borrow it" Meg replied "Besides; she won't be around with us, so..."

They both kept talking, recreating the ending scene of the movie _Tootsie_.

**End of the chapter**

**(A/E: I hope you liked this chapter. If you guys enjoyed Eddie as Emma; she'll appear in future chapters. See you to the next chapter)**


	9. My Little Monkey

**Chapter 9: My Little Monkey**

Meg, Chris, Matt, Eddie and Amy were visiting the zoo.

"I love going to the zoo!" Amy said "When me and Eddie were children, we come here to see the animals. I love animals: lions, bears, birds, monkeys, snakes..."

"You like snakes?" Meg asked interrupting her "I think they're gross. I mean: they don't even have any arms or legs!"

"Yeah, I remember the time when we were camping and you woke up with a 'little surprise'" Chris commented.

**Flashback**

Meg was sleeping in her tent until she woke up and she was surrounded by several types of snakes.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Meg screamed of horror.

Chris was outside laughing by the prank he pulled on his sister.

"It was worth the hours I spent collecting those snakes!" Chris said.

**Flashback's end**

"If you ever remind me one more awful memory, I swear to God I'll rip your tounge out, so you can shut up" Meg warned very pissed.

"Well EXCUUUUUUUUUSE ME, Princess" Chris said sarcastically "But you should be thankful for trying to help you in getting over your fear of snakes"

"It's okay having fear of snakes" Eddie said "Indiana Jones has fear of snakes"

"I don't have fear of snakes, I just find them gross" Meg said.

"Well, you can stay here while we're in the snakes' section" Eddie said "Let's go, guys"

They both get in the section while Meg waits outside.

"Stupid Chris, he promised me to be a better little brother, but he doesn't respect me at all" Meg cursed.

Then a girl dressed like a white chicken appeared next her.

"I know what will make you feel better: free coupons of Kentuky Fried Chicken!" the KFC girl said giving her a bunch of coupons.

"Wow, thanks, I like KFC a little" Meg said.

"But don't eat too much or you may get fat or have a heart attack!" the KFC girl warned still showing a cheerful smile.

"I know the consequences of fast food" Meg said "But I still take my chances"

In the snakes section; they were looking at a yellow constrictor boa, but it doesn't move at all.

"Looks like this snake doesn't like to play" Eddie commented.

"Come on, move!" Chris demanded hitting the glass.

"I'll see if I can speak with it" Amy said as she began to make weird noises.

"What are you doing?" Eddie asked.

"I'm speaking its language like in Harry Potter" Amy answered as she continued making weird noises.

"Come on, let's go to another place" Eddie said grabbing his sister's hand, so they can leave this place.

"Yeah, you're nothing, but a stupid lazy..." Chris said until the glass disappeared for unknown reasons and he fell into the constrictor boa's room "What the heck?" the constrictor boa looked at him with very angry eyes "Oh no..." he tried to get out of the room, but the glass reappeared, leaving him stuck with the snake "HELP!"

Everybody, except Chris, continued their way to the primates' section, where they watched the chimpazees.

"Oh my gosh, monkeys!" Amy said, running towards the monkey habitat protected by a rail with a big smile.

"I really don't see anything special about monkeys." Meg said, only to

receive a blank stare from Amy "What? I'm just speaking whats on my mind. Is that wrong?"

"If you're on the Internet, then yes to 91% of the people on there." Matt said, taking out his PSP. "I'll be sitting near that bench playing _WWE All Stars_."

He walked away from the group and sat on the bench, obivously doing what he said before.

"I'll go to the restroom, I shouldn't drink lemonade" Meg said as she leaves.

"Come on guys, just take a look at them: our ancestors in species evolution terms" Eddie said as somebody threw him chimp's poo "What the hell?" the chimps laughed at him "These chimps need some descipline"

"I'll take care of it" a blonde zookepper said as he got inside of the habit and he used a taser in one of the monkeys "Stop throwing your crap to the visitors!" he continued tasing the monkey.

"Wow...this guy is a douchebag" Eddie said.

"Poor monkey..." Amy said looking at another way.

"Well, maybe it's too much for something that throws its own..."

"No, THAT monkey" Amy said pointing at a small monkey with a wounded tail and completely beaten "It's small like a baby and it looks like he suffered"

"Hey, dirty brat!" the blonde zookepper called "Bath time!" he opened the water horse for him and he didn't enjoy it at all "Stupid monkey"

"*gasp* he's torturing this poor animal!" Amy said.

"Excuse me, sir, you shouldn't treat that monkey like that" Eddie said.

"Nobody tells how to do my job!" the blonde zookepper rudely replied "And I'm not a 'sir', I'm Zack"

"Wow, he's a bigger jerk than Kevin Spacey in _American Beauty_" Eddie commented.

**Cutaway**

It shows a scene of that movie with Lester having dinner with his family.

"I'M the man of the house!" Lester said "I'M the one who's in love with my daughter's friend! And I'M the one who's going to throw this bowl of salad!" he throws the bowl of salad to the wall "So don't interrupt me, dear..."

**Cutaway's end**

Meanwhile; Peter and Lois were in Quahog's community center (they're repairing the crashed wall caused by the tank in the previous chapter).

"I don't understand why we have to go these Parental sessions" Peter said.

"Because, Peter, we promised Meg to be a better family" Lois replied "And these sessions will help us a lot"

"I go out with her to the movies" Peter said "I even had to watch _Snow White and the Huntsman_. The movie wasn't so bad, but I can't stand that girl from _Twilight_"

"Spending time with her is not good enough" Lois said "We also have to try in helping her with her problems"

"Okay, but I REFUSE to teach her our sex moves when she wants to have sex with her boyfriend Eddie" Peter said.

"Eddie is NOT her boyfriend..." Lois corrected "...yet"

"What do you mean 'yet'?" Peter asked.

"Well, he's a really nice guy" Lois answered "He's perfect for our daughter"

"Like Anthony, the perfectly normal guy that you made out?" Peter asked.

"It was YOUR fault for calling me...never mind, I'm not gonna discuss it with you anymore" Lois answered annoyed as they found their class "Here we are"

They went in where they found two pairs of parents and two single mothers. They sat down next to...Quagmire?

"Quagmire, what are you doing here?" Peter asked.

"I met an old flame yesterday...whose kid is mine" Quagmire said "Now she wants me to get along with him...and here I am"

"That's sweet" Lois praised.

"I had to or pay child support" Quagmire replied "Besides, she threatened me with a gun"

The teacher appeared, who's a hippie wearing a long purple shirt with the peace symbol, rainbow pants and sandals.

"Welcome to our Parental class, I'm Mr. Evergreen" Mr. Evergreen "Before we start, I just want to say something: there's no bad parents, nor good parents. But children will always want parents to understand them"

"God, this is more boring than watching a snail race" Peter complained.

**Cutaway**

There's two snails racing of 3 feets and they're only halfway.

_Wow, this race has begun three hours ago and these snails just never give up. The snail #1 is keeping step with the snail #2, but the snail #2 doesn't want the snail #1 even near of him. Wow, this is probably the most intense snail race of all time! I hope they don't crash into a car and make a big explosion._

**Cutaway's end**

Later, our heroes were coming out from the zoo. Amy has a very sad face.

"What's wrong, little sister?" Eddie asked.

"I didn't like the way of how that guy treated that little monkey" Amy answered "I wanna rescue it!"

"That's the craziest thing you said this weekend" Eddie commented "It's illegal breaking into the zoo"

"I'm gonna rescue just ONE animal" Amy said "And he's suffering SO much"

"I'm agreed with Amy, Ed" Matt said "Animals are exploited every year by people like that Zack guy"

"Besides, Mom is out for two days to promote her outfits in New York" Amy said.

"Yes and as I'm 18, she left me in charge" Eddie said "Amy, I don't want you to get in any trouble"

"And I won't, so please, big brother" Amy begged using her 'secret weapon (puppy eyes)'.

"All right...but we're gonna rescue just ONE animal and only because it's being mistreated by that horrible zookepper" Eddie said.

"ALL RIGHT!" Amy cheered and jumped so high that she gave a high five to the sun, but her hand got burned "OUCH!" but she landed safety "I'll start making the plan tonight and tomorrow we'll rescue it!"

"I'll help you too, for the animals' sake" Matt said.

"Hey, where's Chris?" Eddie asked.

"Here I am..." Chris answered, who was soaked, stinky and totally scared.

"Oh gosh, what happened to you?" Amy asked.

"And why do you smell like snake's sh*t?" Matt asked covering his nose.

"It was horrible...that snake went to the bathroom on me!" Chris answered clearly traumatized "If you guys see Meg...tell her I'm sorry...I'm SO sorry..."

"I wonder where did Meg go" Eddie said.

Meg was in KFC ordering some food.

"I'd like to order the combo #2" Meg ordered "And I'd like to use one of these coupons" she gave them to the cashier.

"Ah...Miss, where did you get them?" the cashier asked checking the coupons

"There was a girl dressed like a chicken in the zoo and she gave them to me" Meg answered as she looked through the restaurant's glass window and she found an anthropomorphic female chicken about her size outside "Oh, look, I think that is her"

"Ah...all these coupons are expired" the cashier said.

Meg turned around and glared at the female chicken.

"You tricked me, you little..."

The female chicken showed a horror face and Meg jumps through the glass to fight against the chicken. Yeah, this fight is just EXACTLY like the VERY first fight that Peter had with Ernie: they fought in a bridge over a freeway, then on a truck, then hanging in a helicopter until they crashed into a building where they continued fighting in an office. Meg used the photocopier lid to hit her head until leaving her unconcious.

"It's all right, gentlemen..." Meg said very tired "That chicken gave me expired..."

Suddenly the female chicken tackled her making falling down from the building. Fortunately for Meg; the chicken's body cushion her fall. Believing she won the fight, she returned home...but the female chicken was still alive.

Next day, Peter and Lois (she has her eyes bandaged) were heading to the police department.

"Peter, where are we going?" Lois asked.

"Remember those Parental sessions we're taking?" Peter asked "Well, I told Mr. Evergreen that we quit"

"WHAT?" Lois asked outraged "Why the hell did you do that?"

"For THIS!' he takes her bandage off and they were inside the police department with some regular people.

Welcome ladies and gentlemen" Joe greeted "You're here, because you look a lot like Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, the Jonas Brothers, the cast _Twilight_ and any stupid Disney teen idol. We made this Police Volunteering only for citezens, because this undercover mission is very risky for us...and none of us look less than 18. You're all going to a catholic school as teen students. Your mission is to investigate if there's a pedophile molesting the students"

"Peter, what the hell? Why did you sign us up for this?" Lois asked, annoyed and a bit pissed that Peter didn't tell her.

"Because those sessions were as boring as hell and besides, wouldn't it be awesome to be a cop?" Peter stated.

"We're not going on an undercover mission" Lois said standing up "Excuse me, Joe"

"Official Swanson, Mrs. Griffin" Joe corrected.

"There was a mistake; Peter and I didn't sign us for this" Lois explained.

"Actually, you did" Joe said "Even your husband sent me photos of you guys as teenagers" he showed her the photos: they were actually Meg and Chris wearing their parents' clothes and uncouncious

"They're not us!" Lois said.

"Come on, Lois" Peter said "This mission will teach us to understand our teen children and...whatever Mr. Evergreen said"

"You slept in the class, right?" Lois asked as he nodded of statement "***sigh*** All right, Peter, if that's what you think it's useful, I'll trust you"

"You're gonna love being a sexy teen girl" Peter said "Just like Quagmire's dad loves being a woman"

**Flashback**

Ida was wearing a white nightgrown while she's brushing her blonde hair.

"Mirror, mirror on the wall: who's the most beautiful transsexual woman of Earth?" Ida asked "Of course it is you, my dear Ida"

**Flashback's end**

Meanwhile, at Matt's house; our heroes were planning to rescue the monkey. Amy even brought an easel.

"All right, guys" Amy said as she flipped the first page with the title of the mission "This is a plan we called: 'Mission: Impossible - Chimpazee Protocol'"

"Wait, isn't it the title of _Mission: Impossible_'s fourth film?" Eddie asked "But with a Chimpazee instead of a Ghost"

"You like that movie, don't you?" Amy asked.

"You're right, I think it's the best movie of its franchise" Eddie answered.

"Just like _Fast Five_" Chris added.

"Can we get over with this?" Meg asked rubbing her left arm "I need to rest my arm after that fight I had with that feathered bitch yesterday"

"Okay, we shall begin" Amy said as she flipped the first page showing a childish drawing of a poor crying monkey being electrocuted by an angry Zack "This is the poor little monkey being badly treated by that jerk-face zookepper" she flipped the next chapter showing the zoo's entrance with two guards "The zoo is surrounded by guards" she flipped the next chapter showing a guards-free route to inside "But there's a route to get inside without being caught. We use it to get inside, go to the chimps' area and..." she flipped the last page showing the monkey with a crown over a pile of bananas "SET HIM FREE TO THE NATURE WHERE HE BELONGS!"

Everybody got a very disturbed face...except Chris, who clapped and cheered.

"This plan rocks!" Chris praised.

"Wait, what happen if there's guards INSIDE of the zoo?" Eddie asked.

"That's why the girls: that means me and Meg are going to be the 'Sexy Distraction'" Amy said "Like in the movies!"

"I love it!" Meg praised "I'm gonna ask Mr. Quagmire for one of his 'fetish costumes' to look hotter and slutty"

"YEAH!" Amy asked "Wait, what's 'slutty'?"

"Well, little sister, it means..." Eddie said.

"Someone who wears a mini skirt, tube top, fishnet stockings, too much makeup and sleeps with anyone who has money" Chris answered interrupting Eddie.

"CHRIS!" Meg scolded.

"Still, this plan is totally crazy" Eddie said.

"I revised it twice and there's a 95% of success" Matt said "So, we have lucky on our side"

_I don't THINK so..._

They heard a little girl's voice: it was Sophie, Matt's little sister.

"Sophie, h-how long have you been listening to our conversation?" Matt asked.

"Enough to record what you guys said" Sophie said holding a recorder tape.

"Please, don't tell Dad about this" Matt begged "He knows that I'm gonna spend a night in a friend's house for a school project"

"Fool him once, shame of you; fool him twice, shame of him" Sophie said.

"I'll give you anything you want" Matt said.

"I want your old skateboard" Sophie said.

"Are you kidding? It's dangerous for a two years old girl like you!" Matt said.

"Daddy!" Sophie called.

"All right, you got it!" Matt said "Anything else?"

"Your weekly allowance" Sophie answered "And your old GBA"

"Okay, everything is yours while you keep your mouth shut" Matt said "Deal?"

Sophie made a mobster face with a red lollipop in the mouth using it as a cigarette.

"Deal, my dear older brother..." Sophie answered with an Italian accent and leaves with a satisfied face.

"Wow, your sister is such a Mafia girl" Meg commented.

"It was my fault, I convinced her to watch _the Godfather_ with me" Matt said.

"Big mistake" Eddie commented "Especially for children"

"I just wanted to pull on her a prank" Matt said

**Flashback**

Matt and Sophie were watching _the Godfather_.

"This movie is boring" Sophie complained "You told me they were exciting things"

"Just wait for the horse's head in the bed" Matt said.

"What?"

"Nothing" Matt answered

**Flashback's end**

Meanwhile; Peter and Lois were in the entrance of St. Thomas Catholic School. Peter was going with a spiky hairstyle and wore a white shirt with green sleeves with a stylish orange logo, khanki cargo pants and white sneakers. Lois was going with a curly dirty blonde wig that reaches her waist, pink lipstick, a fake beauty mark on her right cheek and wears an pale pink turtleneck with short sleeves under a white midriff baring sleeveless hoodie, denim skinny jeans and brown ugg boots.

"Oh yeah, this is gonna be awesome, isn't Lois?" Peter asked.

"You own me a date after this, Peter" Lois said fixing her wig.

They were inside of the principal office; she was a red haired woman, with glasses and a black monk dress. Her name was Dolores J. Foster.

"Nancy Martin and Johnny McCool?" Principal Foster asked reading their fake requisition forms made by the police.

"We'd like to assist this very prestigious school to learn about God and Jesuschrist" Nancy (Lois) said acting like a teen girl.

"Yeah, we heard enough Darwin's Evolution Theory crap" Johnny (Peter) said "We want to hear about God, Jesus and all that crap"

"PETE-I mean, Johnny!" Nancy (Lois) scolded him.

"It's okay, we understand students' misinterpretation about religion and science" Principal Foster said "But what we don't tolerate is the lack of descipline and the unholy humors. The police is suggesting that in this school, there's a perverted man doing unholy actions to my altar boys. BLASPHEMY! This school has followed its rules and traditions for decades, and I NEVER heard such an abomination! *coughing* I need...my oxygen" she inhale oxygen from a tank until she recovered.

"So...are we accepted?" Nancy (Lois) asked.

"Yes, go to your respective gender dressing room and change into your uniforms" Principal Foster answered "Now get out"

"Thanks, for your consideration" Nancy (Lois) thanked

They both leave the office and talked in the hallways.

"Okay, we're in" Nancy (Lois) said "Now let's take a look around and ask questions to the students"

"Yeah, I'm gonna say 'Sup' man, I'm Johnny McCool, have you been raped?'" Johnny (Peter) said acting like a cool teen.

"No, be subtle" Nancy (Lois) told him "We don't want to freak them out, like that time when Chris played the Exorcist Scary Maze Game"

**Flashback**

Chris was using his computer, but instead of masturbating, he was doing something else.

"Finally, I almost finished the last level" Chris said "Al...most...there" then something appeared in the monitor "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

**Flashback's end**

Later that night, our heroes were outside of the zoo. Eddie, Matt and Chris were wearing black outfits and black masks while Meg and Amy were wearing slutty school girl uniforms, Amy has pigtails. They also wore A LOT of make up.

"Okay, we're here" Eddie said "Are you ready girls?"

"More than that" Meg said "I feel really sexy"

"Look, I look like a funny clown!" Amy cheered.

Then they saw Zack coming.

"All right, girls" Matt said "Your turn"

The girls went after him while the guys got to the primates' section.

"Stupid full time job, I shouldn't be here all night!" Zack complained.

"Hey, sir..." Meg greeted with a seductive voice.

"Wait, who are you?" Zack asked "This place is already closed"

"I'm awfully sorry, but my sister and I were lost and we couldn't find the exit" Meg explained "Can you help us?"

"Well...I can't say 'no' to two lost girls" Zack said "Zack Murdock is doing his job!"

"Wait...Zack Murdock!" Meg exclaimed, her eyes widen in shock.

"Wait...Meg Griffin!" Zack also exclaimed.

"What the hell are you doing here!" They both said at the same time, pointing their fingers at each other.

"Do you know him?" Amy asked with a confused face.

"He made my Freshman's year a nightmare!" Meg answered.

**Flashback**

In James Woods High school, Zack is a 17 year old senior in the bathroom holding a kid upside down for a swirly. The kid was... 14 year old Meg Griffin and she had a very bad haircut and wore different clothes. Also, Zack had shorter hair that was dyed brown, had a full beard and also wore different clothes.

"But I'm not a boy!" Meg shouted.

"Yeah, yeah! Talk to the toilet, freshman!" Zack said as he dunked Meg's head into the toilet.

**Flashback's end**

"Thanks to you I was called Toilet girl for the rest of the year... And Toilet GUY... and Toilet pink hat thing!" Meg said angrily "Especially Toilet pink hat thing!"

"Well thanks to YOU snitching, I got expelled and had to go to a ghetto school!" Zack said angrily "I had so many drug connections, it wasn't funny! Heroin, crack, ectasy..."

"Wow, I thought my brother was the only one who bullied Meg in the past" Amy said.

"You and your sister better get the hell out of here before I call..." Zack warned until he was kicked in the balls by Meg.

"Take that, you jerk" Meg said "Let's go"

"Okey Dokey Lokey!" Amy agreed.

They went to find the guys, leaving a sore Zack.

"You...bitch" Zack cursed with his hands covering his crotch

Meanwhile, that same night, Lois was in her dorm unpacking her stuff.

"This mission is stupid and so is this school" Lois commented "What kind of principal would let its students exposed to some pedophile?" then she heard something walking outside of her dorm "What the...?" she went outside to see who it was.

Peter was in the school's kitchen looking for snacks; but he only found bottles of water and bread.

"This is bullcrap!" Peter complained "They only have what Catholics eat. Let's see if there's beer" he goes to the refrigerator and he found a bottle of wine "Oh look, this is what chicks enjoy to drink" he opened the bottle and took a sip "Hey, it doesn't taste bad, it tastes stronger than beer" he began to drink like a pirate drinking rum until somebody appeared behind of him: it was dressed like V (the title character of _V of Vendetta_ recognizable by his Guy Fawkes mask, long hair, and dark clothing).

"Hey there, big boy..." 'V' greeted.

"Who the hell are you?" Peter asked.

"Can you come with me...? I promise you're gonna get fun..." 'V' said

"Oh, sweet!" Peter cheered "Yes, I'm coming with you"

"Good boy..." 'V' praised.

Meanwhile, at the zoo; the poor little monkey couldn't sleep because to the abuse. Suddenly, the guys appeared to rescue him. Amy gave him a big hug.

"Are you okay, little monkey?" Amy asked "Don't worry, we're here to rescue you"

"Okay, let's get out of here before..." Eddie said until he was interrupted by a fierce gorilla, but he took off his mask to show his DRAGON face to scare him out "That was easy..."

Suddenly; Zack appeared in front of them with his taser on his hands.

"Don't come any closer, if you guys don't wanna get tased" Zack warned.

"Oh yeah, bully us like you did to me back in high school!" Meg said angrily sarcastically.

"Wait, this guy bullied you too?" Eddie asked "Oh boy..."

"I'll make sure you'll be locked in jail for kidnapping one of my animals" Zack said "Maybe I'll get a promotion"

"I didn't want to use this, but you leave me no choice" Eddie said "Amy..."

They go to the monitors' room to see what the security cameras recorded: it shows Zack taking long naps during his working time, mistreating the poor monkeys and even peeing in their waterfall.

"Where the hell did you get that!" Zack yelled

"Matt was kind enough to hack into the security cameras for us, Zack." Amy said, holding the tape tightly.

"We also have a digital copy, just in case Youtube would like to see how much of a neglectful, lazy ass sloth you are." Meg said, smiling smugly at her Freshman year bully.

"I almost forgot how much of a whiny, bratty bitch you were, Meg." Zack said, glaring at the brunette.

"Zack, stop it!" Eddie demanded "It's not Meg's fault that you get expelled, but yours"

"I was just following a school tradition!" Zack replied "An unauthorized one by the principal..."

"And look where you ended ***sigh***" Eddie said "Listen: I was Meg's bully in elementary school, so we're sort of the same"

"Kiss my ass, we're not the same" Zack insulted him.

"Okay, you're right, we're not the same" Eddie said "I decided to change for good, you decided to keep being a jerk like in high school. But Meg has become a wonderful person, she doesn't deserve to be badly treated like a monkey anymore. Now apologize to her"

Zack was really annoyed by Eddie's speech, but he knew he was telling the truth. So after a reluctantly sigh...

"All right, I'll do it" Zack agreed "Meg, I'm sorry for bad treating in high school, so we're good?"

She answered with a blowing a raspberry like a rude child, she turned around and hummed 'HMP! Like a spoiled rich girl or Rarity from _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_.

"Well, to start somewhere" Eddie said "Let's go, guys"

They leave the zoo with the poor little monkey, leaving a very confused, yet annoyed Zack.

"Meanwhile; Lois was looking for the pedophile.

"If I were a pedophile, what place would be perfect to moleste a child..." Lois said trying to get an idea "Especially a MAN who secretly likes BOYS ...I got it!" she went to find a closet. She found one, she opened and it was a boy reading a science book "Huh?"

"Ah...please, don't tell it to the principal" the student begged "I don't want to get

whipped"

She closed the door and continued looking for more closets. She found and opened about 6 closets and not one clue about the pedophile. But then a 7th closet was opened and she found 'V'.

"Gotcha!" Lois exclaimed as they began a chase around the school.

The chase was so noisy that everybody woke up. 'V' opened a window and got through of it. But he fell down and hurt himself. Lois used him as a cushion and finally got him.

"I got you, motherf*cker" Lois said.

Some minutes later; the police came to arrest 'V'.

"Good job, Lois" Joe praised as he turned his head to principal Foster "And I hope you learn a lesson about ignoring very serious accusations"

"T-That is impossible!" Principal Foster said outraged "A-Are you saying my students were exposed to the aberrations of that unholy man?" *coughing* "Not again..." she used the oxygen tank again "Not today, death..."

"Damn it" Death cursed.

"Let's see who you really are" Joe said taking off the mask revealing the face of Robin Williams "Robin Williams?"

"Logical, he played a pedophile in _Insomnia_" Lois said.

" This couldn't be..." he takes off another mask revealing the face of Patrick Wilson "Patrick Wilson?"

"_Hard Candy_" Lois said.

"Jackie Earle Haley?" Joe asked taking off another mask.

"_Little Children_" Lois said "And maybe the remake of _A Nightmare on Elm Street_ too"

"Stanley Tucci?" Joe asked taking off another mask.

"_Lovely Bones_" Lois said "But that one was awful"

"All right, enough of masks!" he takes off the mask revealing Mr. Herbert.

"MR. HERBERT?" Lois and Joe asked surprised.

"That's right, I'm the one who was having fun with their children!" Mr. Herbert said.

"How could you do such a horrible thing?" Lois asked.

"You should know it" Mr. Herbert answered "I've been stalking your son since he was an innocent child and you didn't even notice"

"Well, that's enough evidence for me" Joe said putting the handcuffs on him "You're under arrest for invade a school, molesting children and...being a general creep"

"I'll be back and your son will be mine..." Mr. Herbert being taken away "Say hello to your husband from me"

"Oh my god, Peter!" Lois exclaimed as she goes to the closet and found Peter in his underwear and in fetal position "Oh my god, what did he do to you?"

"It was horrible...he had sex with my mouth and it was the most disgusting thing I ever taste..." Peter said traumatized "It happened the same with the bull...but with a human instead...and in my mouth instead in my ass"

"It's okay, Peter" Lois said giving her husband a hug "He's taken away, he'll never hurt you or anybody else ever again"

"I wanna go home and take a VERY LONG hot shower..." Peter said.

"So you wanna go back to those boring Parental sessions?" Lois asked as Peter nodded of agreedment "All right, tomorrow I'll call Mr. Evergreen"

"Excuse me, did you see my science book?" a student asked "It's the one with a playboy magazine inside"

Next morning, in the Quahog's mall; our heroes were eating in the food court.

"Yesterday was awesome!" Amy cheered "We saved a little monkey"

"I hacked a security system" Matt added.

"And I finally stood against a former bully" Meg added.

"I wonder what happened to him" Eddie said,

"We gave him to the NASA, so he can be a space monkey" Matt said.

"Yeah, space monkeys are cool" Chris said.

Meanwhile, in a blue planet very far away from our galaxy; there's a group of marines in a base.

"You are not in Kansas anymore" 'Colonel Quaritch' said "You are on Pandora, ladies and gentlemen. As you know: the scientifist chosen for this mission died of colon cancer. So we're going to send a handicapped, but young chimpazee: Jake Smelly"

The little monkey appeared in a wheelchair; he now has a strong appearance of Jake Sully...ready for the most epic adventure of his life.

**End of the chapter**

**(A/E: Again, thank you A Lazy Heroine (formerly called KaileyDawn21) for your help. Matt and Sophie belongs to Ander Arias and Zack belongs to Malcolm Fox (even he's retired, I'll continue with his legacy). Also, Big G-Man asked me for the songs of chapter 6 and 7; well here they are: Belle from _Beauty and the Beast_, Out There from _the Hunchback of Notre Dame_, I Just Can't Wait to Be King from _the Lion King_, that song with Stewie and Meg and Amy's song to cheer the Griffin family up were written by me, For a Moment from _the Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea_ and Colors of the Wind from _Pocahontas_), sorry if I couldn't reply your review, but you need to sign up in this site, so the authors can reply your comment. Understand? Thanks)**


	10. A Fierce Rival

**Chapter 10: A Fierce Rival**

**(A/E: This chapter was written with A Lazy Heroine's help)**

Meg and Eddie were walking around the city; they were carrying their gym bags. Eddie's was red and Meg's was pink. They found a fencing class building.

"Meg, do we have to go?" Eddie asked, as he walked towards the fencing school.

"Come on, Eddie!" Meg exclaimed, with a joyful smile on her face. "This might be fun, and besides, you just can't play soccer all the time. Which is why I also signed myself up for the girls Archery team."

"Wait, we have an Archery team?" Eddie said, confused as he opened the door.

"Yes" Meg answered proudly "I wanna be a great archer like Katniss Everdeen from the Hunger Games or Susan Pevensie from the Chronicles of Narnia"

"Or Legolas from the Lord of the Rings" Eddie added.

"Are you a nerd?" Meg asked.

"Liking the Lord of the Rings doesn't make me a nerd" Eddie answered "Just like crossdressing doesn't make me gay"

"I bet you wear a nightgown and panties when you go to bed" Meg said giggling.

"You're so mean" Eddie commented clutching the gym bag closer to him "Hey, did you know Amy is taking Karate lessons?"

What? Really?" Meg said, a bit interseted "How is she doing?"

"Well..." Eddie trailed off.

**Flashback**

It shows Amy with her hair held back in a short ponytail and in a standard beginner uniform in a Karate class, in front of a pile of bricks.

"Okay, let's see what you can do." The Japanse instructor said, tighting his black belt.

Amy squeezed a bit with all her might, chopped the bricks in half, causing everyone to gasp in shock.

"So, how did I do?" Amy said, smiling obviously as the teacher shook his head to snap himself out of his shock and welcomed her with a big, proudful yet warm smile.

"Welcome to my class!" The instructor said, as Amy squeed again, jumping up and down.

**Flashback's end**

"Here we are," Eddie said, as he opened the door. "I wonder how it's going to b-"

But Eddie and Meg's jaw dropped at the excellent grace and skills of the class. They turned their heads to a boy no older than they are, with black shoulder length hair, and wore a uniform as the others. He also had a small scar across his forehead and looked pretty annoyed. He defeated a ginger spikey hair guy in a fencing duel.

"Good job, Ryder" the instructor praised "Green, go back to where you were"

"Dammit! To think, I could beat Matt finally!" The ginger boy cursed.

"Tough luck, Nathan." Matt said, with a purely smug smile on his face.

"I'm going to kick your ass next time!" Nathan warned.

"Wow, this guy is tough" Eddie commented.

"But...something on him seems familiar" Meg replied.

"You both are late" the instructor said "My class is over"

"Sorry, they gave us the wrong schedule" Eddie said "When is the next class?"

"That's it for today" the instructor said "Class dismissed"

The instructor leaves.

"That's right, if you sleep, you lose, losers" Matt said "Who are you anyway?"

"Hi, I'm Eddie and this is Meg." Eddie said, offering his hand to the boy. "I'm just here to see if it's good like Meg said, the sport I mean."

"Not sh*t, Sherlock, I already knew what you were talking about." Matt said, causing Eddie and Meg to glare at him. "Anyway, I'm Matthew Ryder. But just call me Matt."

"Can I call you Matt 2, since I already have a friend named Matt?" Eddie said.

"No." Matt said, crossing his arms "Call me Matthew then, and if I ever hear you call me Matt 2 I will rip your balls off and throw them in a woodchipher."

"Jeez, you don't have to be so violent." Eddie said.

"Wait...Matthew Ryder?" Meg asked looking at him very carefully.

"Why is your girlfriend looking at me like that?" Matthew asked.

"She's not my girlfriend" Eddie answered "Meg, what's wrong?"

"I think I know him from a very long time" Meg said "What elementary school did you came?"

"Lincoln Elementary School" Matthew answered.

"***gasping*** Puny Ryder!" Eddie said.

"What?" Matthew asked.

"That was the nickname I called you when we were kids" Eddie said.

"Yeah, you also called me Sugar Princess...and I must confess that I kind of like it" Meg explained.

"Wait, Eddie Walker and Megan Griffin...?" Matthew asked starting to remember.

**Flashback**

There's a kid Meg (she wears two pigtails, pink shirt, denim blue overalls, white lace socks and black dress shoes) swinging in the swing until she was pushed off back an ugly fat boy: messed brunette, beaver teeth, he wears a black sleeveless shirt with a skull, blue shorts and black boots.

"Back off, it's my turn!" kid Eddie said.

"B-But I had just sat on it!" kid Meg said.

"And what you're gonna do...?" kid Eddie asked standing up.

"I'm telling the teacher" kid Meg answered.

"I don't think so...Sugar Princess" kid Eddie said punching her in the face, putting her on the ground and began kicking her.

"Hey you!" kid Matthew (he wears a red shirt, blue pants and black shoes) called "Leave her alone!"

"Stay out of this, Puny Ryder!" kid Eddie demanded.

"Fight with me, then" kid Matthew said in a fighting stance.

"Big mistake..." kid Eddie said ready to fight.

The fight was off-screen and kid Meg had to watch it until kid Eddie got sick of it leaving him sore.

"I'm bored, you're not worthy, Puny Ryder" kid Eddie said spitting him on the face.

"Are you okay?" kid Meg asked.

"I'll be fine while you're okay" kid Matthew answered.

"Thank you..." kid Meg thanked with a warmly smile.

**Flashback's end**

"I can't believe you're back after almost 10 years" Meg said.

"And now you're dating with the guy who bullied you" Matthew replied.

"Wait...we-we're not dating" Eddie corrected blushing.

"Y-Yeah, we're just friends" Meg added also blushing.

"Since when?" Matthew asked.

"When we met each other, I had no idea who was it" Meg started telling the story "One day, I invited him, his mother and sister to dinner. I learned that his mother was my dad's childhood friend..."

"Sorry for interrupting you, but you're parents are still married?" Matthew asked.

"Yes" Meg answered.

"Hard to believe" Matthew replied "When I met them, they seemed to dislike each other"

"Anyway, I also found out that Eddie was my childhood bully" Meg said continuing with her story "I kicked them out, I told off my family for all the bad things they did to me and I ran away. But he, our friends, two people I dislike, at least one of them, his family and mine were reunited to look after me, he convinced me to go back and now me and my family were trying to get better"

"And how's it going?" Matthew asked "Terrible?"

"Let's say we're doing our best, okay?" Meg said.

"Matthew, you must have mixed feelings about me" Eddie said "I'm sorry for bullying you when we were kids"

"I don't care about that anymore" Matthew replied "That was a long time ago"

"So, can we try to be friends?" Eddie asked.

"Are you out of your f*cking mind?" Matthew asked "Damn it, why are my words getting censored?"

**(A/E: MY fanfic, MY rules, bitch; so kiss my fatass, Puny Ryder)**

"F*ck you!" Matthew insulted "Anyway, why should I be your friend after a long time? And Meg: I've never seen you almost in years since me and my family moved out, why didn't you write me?"

"Why didn't YOU write me?" Meg asked "Just like my dad with Eddie's mom, you were my very first friend I ever had"

"I wanted to write you, but something terrible happened and..." Matthew said until he stopped talking.

"What is it?" Meg asked.

"Nothing, I just couldn't" Matthew answered.

"That's not an answer, Matthew" Eddie said "Tell us what happenned"

"It's NONE of your business, Walker" Matthew replied "If you really changed for good...then fight with me"

"Wait, are you serious?" Eddie asked.

"No, I'm crazier than a f*cking goat" Matthew answered sarcastically taking off his heavy gear leaving with the soft outfit "Yes, I'm damn serious"

"I don't even have a fencing sword" Eddie said.

"It's called 'sabre', dumbass" Matthew replied giving him one "When you're ready"

"Ah...En Grade?" Eddie asked as Matthew attacked first in the shoulder "Hey!"

"Think fast or die" Matthew said attacking with the sabre's tip and Eddie barely dodged it.

The fight continued and Eddie tried to attack him. But he was so fast that he dodged it and hits him in a back, in the ribs and in the forehead **(A/E: Through X-Rays, we can see the weak points where Matthew hits him)**. He made him trying to keep the balance, Matthew finished him...just blowing in the face like a dandelion making him losing his balance and falling down to the ground.

"I knew it you weren't a worthy rival, Wimpy Walker" Matthew said arrogantly as he spit at him and then he looked at Meg "Hey Meg, how about if we go to talk?"

"What?" Meg asked "I'm not going to talk with you!"

"Why not?" Matthew asked.

"You beat down my friend!" Meg answered going to him "Eddie, are you okay?"

"I feel that I fought in a boxing match than in a fencing duel..." Eddie said sore.

"You should be ashamed of you, Matthew Ryder!" Meg yelled at him "I thought you were a nice guy like when you were a kid, but you became a douchebag like anyone else!"

"Meg..." Matt said speechless.

"Come on, Eddie; let's forget about this stupid fencing class" Meg said "I'll take you to my home and take care of your wounds"

They both left the building.

"Fine, go with him!" Matthew said "But when you start dating with him, don't come to me crying when you get pregnant like in those MTV shows about pregnant teenagers!"

**Cutaway**

From the creators of _16 & Pregnant_ and _Teen Mom_; it comes a new MTV show called 'Young Grandparent': A show about parents whose children who had children are dealing with their lives.

There's a man with his daughter who was holding her baby son.

"Three for '_Ice Age 4_'" the man ordered.

"Do you have your senior license?" the cashier asked.

"Wait, what?" the man asked confused.

Another scene where a woman is buying diapers.

"Ma'am, they're too small for you" the pharmacist said.

"No, they're for my granddaughter..."

"I suggest you THIS package with extra-absorbency" the pharmacist said.

And another scene with a married couple in the bed.

"Dear...how about if we do it tonight?" the husband asked seducing her.

"I don't know, since our daughter had her twins, I don't feel in mood for sex" the wife answered.

" Come on, just because children have children that doesn't mean parents become old so fast, right?" the husband explained.

_Young Grandparent_ (Cancelled)

**Cutaway's end**

Later, in the Griffins' house; Meg was healing Eddie's forehead with cotton balls and alcohol.

"AH!" Eddie screamed of pain.

"Don't scream, I'm trying to cure you" Meg said "I need you to take off your shirt"

"Taking off my shirt in front of you?" Eddie asked.

"I need you to heal all your wounds" Meg answered "Besides, you owe me for seeing me in my underwear in the fashion show, remember?"

"All right..." Eddie agreed taking off his shirt revealing the wounds Matthew did to him. Meg was so impressed for staring at the frontal chest of her friend "Meg, are you staring at my chest?"

"Ah, sorry, I didn't mean it" Meg apologizes and blushing "I'll start with your back, please turn around" He turned around revealing another wound and several more scars in the back "Oh my god, are they scars?"

"What? Oh yes they are..." Eddie answered.

"But Matt didn't hit you so many times" Meg said.

"It wasn't him...it was the guards from one of the juvinille halls I've been staying" Eddie explained "I was a troubled kid back there"

"What were you doing?" Meg asked.

"Can you please continue healing with my wounds?" Eddie asked rudely.

"Well, sorry, I was just asking!" Meg answered sarcastically and offended.

"No, I'm sorry for being rude" Eddie replied "I don't like talking about my past"

"It's okay, now don't move" Meg said putting the cotton ball soaked of alcohol on Eddie's wound.

Lois came out from the kitchen and saw both of them in the bedroom.

"Oh my god, what are you both doing?" Lois asked embarrased "Get a room!"

"Mrs. Griffin, it's not what you think" Eddie said.

"I'm just healing his wounds for the fencing fight he had with...a guy called Matthew Ryder" Meg explained.

"Matthew Ryder?" Lois asked "That kind little kid from elementary school?"

"Not anymore, he became an arrogant jackass!" Meg answered "Just look what he did to my Eddie!"

"Wait, did you say 'my Eddie'?" Eddie asked.

"Oh...ah...you're MY friend, (got it), and anybody who hurts my friend is not my friend" Meg answered.

Suddenly, they heard the doorbell rang and Lois went to see who was it: it was Jackie (see chapter 7), Eddie's cousin.

"Hi, Jackie" Lois greeted.

"Hey, Mrs. G; I just wanted to return this Game Boy Color that your husband borrowed from me" Jackie said giving it to her "And tell him I caught a Dratini in _Pokémon: Crystal Version_"

"Okay...I'll tell him" Lois said confused, because she wasn't familiar with Pokémon so much.

"Oh my god, what happened to my little cousin?" Jackie asked looking at Eddie.

"An assh*le in the fencing class, that's what happeneded" Meg answered.

"Watch your language, young lady" Lois warned.

"I'm okay, Jackie" Eddie said "That class was really tough"

"Well, if I were you, I'd go back there and teach that guy a lesson" Jackie said.

"Absolutely not!" Meg disagreed "My friend doesn't need to get hurt again"

"Meg, stop treating me like a child" Eddie said "I'm big enough to deal with my own problems"

"I can teach you some karate lessons" Jackie said as he made some ridiculous karate poses and punched the non-damaged wall "OUCH!"

"You know, just because your name is Jackie, that doesn't mean you're like Jackie Chan" Eddie said.

"Yeah, my real name is Jackson" Jackie confessed.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang again. Lois went to see who was it this time: it was Jillian, who was holding a black book.

"Hey, Lois" Jillian greeted.

Jackie looked at Jillian and he was totally astonished for just seeing her beauty.

"Jillian, what are you doing here?" Lois asked.

Brian heard Jillian's name and when he looked at her, he hid in the kitchen.

"I wanted to return Meg this book of _Breaking Dawn_" Jillian answered showing the book.

"Wait..." Eddie smelled something "Do I smell a _Twilight_ book?" he looked at the book Jillian was holding "OH NO!" he took the book away of Jillian's hands, he set fire to the chimmey and burned the book.

"Eddie, what the hell?" Meg asked.

"They're some of movie types that I completely dislike!" Eddie said "Adam Sandler's movies, _Transformers's_ movies, M. Night Shyamalan's _the Last Airbender_ and finally..._Twilight_ movies"

"Can you take it easy?" Meg asked "At least until the final movie release this November"

"Hi, Meg!" Jillian greeted "Is that vampire-hater your boyfriend?"

"What? NO!" they both answered it at the same time.

"No, I'm just her friend" Eddie.

"Hello beautiful" Jackie greeted at Jillian "What's your name? Mine is Bender, Jackie Bender"

"Oh my god, you have a cute name" Jillian said "My name is Jillian by the way"

Brian kept hearing the conversation in the kitchen and then Stewie appeared.

"Hey Brian, what's going on?" Stewie asked.

"Jillian's here, I don't know why" Brian answered "But she's talking with Eddie's cousin"

"You wanna take advantage of her husband's death, right?" Stewie asked "That's very low..."

"So you wanna be an artist?" Jillian asked.

"Yes, I like painting, but my dad thinks it's stupid" Jackie answered.

"I think it's fun, I liked painting a lot when I was a little girl and I'm still doing it" Jillian said "Hey, you wanna go shopping?"

"Whoa wait, are you asking me to go out with you?" Jackie asked.

"Is there a problem hanging out with a new friend?" Jillian answered.

"No, I'd love to" Jackie said "How 'bout tomorrow?

"Sounds good, good bye!" Jillian said as she leaves.

"Yeah, I have a date, dudes!" Jackie cheered.

"Your cousin is very popular with the girls" Meg commented.

"Nah, he always flirts with blonde girls" Eddie said "It's a bad habit on him"

"Bad habit? It's a gift, pal" Jackie said "Every blondie wants me and my big bob cut hair"

"And everyone confused you with a lesbian and dumped you" Eddie added.

"That's not true!" Jackie said "Just a couple of girls"

"I can't believe it: It's not even a year since Derek was murdered and Jillian starts going out with guys" Brian said.

"What about...?" Stewie asked.

"Quagmire doesn't count" Brian answered "I think Jillian is so sad for her deceased husband that she's going out with guys to forget her sadness"

"What are you gonna do?" Stewie asked.

"I'm gonna follow them and make sure that she doesn't feel sad ever again" Brian answered "Maybe I'm not dating her anymore, but I'll do anything to keep the naive, yet happy Jillian we know and love"

"Oh my god, this is gonna be more awesome than when I use my mind controller helmet on Chris" Stewie commented excited.

**Flashback**

In James Woods High School; Stewie was controlling Chris with his mind controller helmet. He used him to touch Susan Summers's butt. She got pissed and kicked him in the balls.

"That does it, Griffin!" Susan angrily said "I'm gonna sue you for sexual harrasment!"

**Flashback's end**

Next day, in fencing class; all the students were training until Eddie showed up, Meg was with him.

"Okay students, take a 5 minutes break" The instructor ordered.

"Yes, sensei!" the students agreed.

"Excuse me!" Eddie called.

"You're late again!" The instructor said.

"It's okay, we decided not to take this class" Meg said.

"Besides, I wanna talk with Matthew Ryder" Eddie said.

"What do you want, Walker?" Matthew asked.

"I want a rematch" Eddie answered.

"With you? No, thanks" Matthew declined "You're just wasting your time"

"I wasn't ready, just give me three days to train and I can give you a good duel" Eddie said.

Matthew stared at Meg, who was still mad at him. He sets his sight to Eddie again.

"I'll give you a week, that's all" Matthew said.

"Thanks, see you in one week" Eddie said as he and Meg left the building.

There was a very matured blonde woman, who was selling water bottles in the class, who was looking at Eddie leaving the building.

"I'm still thinking this is a bad idea" Meg said "I don't understand why don't you guys don't just make up like two matured young adults..."

"Excuse me, but I couldn't help it hearing about the fight you planned with the Matthew boy" the blonde woman said.

"And who are you?" Eddie asked.

"Oh, where are my manners? I'm Jeanette Adams, I'm the one who sells water bottles in the class" Jeanette answered offering her hand.

"Eddie Walker" Eddie greeted accepting the hand.

"Hi, I'm Meg Griffin" Meg greeted.

"I've been watching this guy, he's the top of the class" Jeanette explained "You're going to train harder to defeat him"

"That's exactly what I'm gonna do" Eddie said.

"Let me train you, I'm a retired fencing master" Jeanette said.

"Can you train me?" Eddie asked.

"Here's my address" Jeanette answered giving him her address "At the noon, don't be late"

She leaves them alone.

"Wow, why would a strange woman offer to train you?" Meg asked.

"I don't know, but I'd like to have a master" Eddie answered "Like Mickey from _Rocky_, Obi-Wan from _Star Wars_ and Mr. Miyagi from _Karate Kid_"

"All were men, yours is a woman" Meg said.

"Sorry, I don't remember female teachers from the movies" Eddie replied.

"What about Mary Poppons?" Meg asked.

"Babysitters don't count" Eddie answered.

**(A/E: Are you sure?)**

Meanwhile at the mall; Jackie and Jillian were in a boutique while Brian was spying on them. Jackie was helping Jillian on choosing a dress.

"So far, so good" Brian said "They're having a good time"

"Hey Brian, what dress should I choose?" Stewie asked holding a red dress and a blue dress.

"Stewie, we're not here to buy you dresses" Brian said.

Jillian came out from a dressing room wearing a cute and sexy pink dress.

"How do I look?" Jillian asked.

"You look incredibly sexy..." Jackie answered.

"Wow, thanks, would you like to try it on?" Jillian asked.

"Wait, what?"

"Ha, ha, I'm kidding, I know you don't wear dresses" Jackie said.

"I'd do it, if you want it" Jackie said.

"No, I'm not gonna force you" Jillian said "But, I like this dress and I'm gonna buy it"

"Hey, would you like some ice cream?" Jackie asked.

"Oh my god, I LOVE ice cream!" Jillian answered "Let me change into my clothes and pay for the dress"

"Jillian looks very good in that dress..." Brian said with a nostalgic tone.

"Hey Brian, what pair of panties should I choose?" Stewie asked holding a white cream panty and blue powder panty.

"Can you please stop with your crossdressing habits?" Brian asked angrily.

"Ah...it's not for me...it's for Lois" Stewie lied.

"With that attitude, you'll never get Jillian back" Stewie commented.

"And I'm not getting her back, you know what? I'll ignore you" Brian said.

Jackie and Jillian go to the female cashier to pay for the dress.

"I'd like this dress, Stacy" Jillian said "How much do I owe you?

"Take it, I'll pay it for you" Stacy answered.

"Are you sure?" Jillian asked "This is the third dress I take without paying this month"

"I want you to feel good, my friend" Stacy said.

"Okay...let's go Jackie" Jillian said as they both leave the boutique.

"All right" Jackie said.

"They're moving on, let's go, Stewie" Brian said "Stewie?"

Stewie was with Stacy to pay for the dresses and the underwear; he decided to buy them all.

"I'd like to buy these dresses and underwear for my mother" Stewie said.

"Sure, little man" Stacy said.

"Stewie, knock it off!" Brian demanded.

"Wait, are you Brian Griffin?" Stacy asked.

"Yes" Brian answered as Stacy sprayed him pepper spray "AH!"

"That's for hurting my friend's feelings, you bastard!" Stacy said.

"Ha, ha, ha, ha, this will go to Facebook" Stewie said taking a photo on him with his cellphone.

Next day, Eddie was going to the place where Jeanette told him to train. It happens to be an abandoned ice factory.

"Okay, this is it..." Eddie said.

He entered to the factory, where he found this place very cold.

"Brr...she should tell me to bring winter clothes" Eddie said shivering.

"That won't be necessary, the uniforms will keep us warm" Jeanette said wearing a blue fencing uniform with silver protectors.

"So, you're going to give me chores that look ordinary, but they're actually part of my training?"

"What do you think it is? _Karate Kid_?" Jeanette asked "No, the training will be different. Have you ever seen _Batman Begins_?"

"Like 27 times, why?" Eddie asked as they suddenly appeared in an ice rink and they both wearing the same outfit that wore Bruce Wayne and Henri Ducard in the training scene. But they're using training Sabres and Jeanette attacked first "Hey, I wasn't ready!"

"Matthew doesn't expect you to be ready!" Jeanette said while she continues attacking him while he's blocking the hits "He's not considerate or fair!"

"Yeah, he's a general jerk" Eddie commented "But at least he let me train"

"But training will be pointless if you don't have guts!" Jeanette said keep attacking and Eddie keep blocking "The guts to act...the guts to face the boy you abused seeking for revenge" Eddie gets distracted and fell down to the ice "Get up, your training had just start it"

"I'd wish Meg to be more supporting with my decisions" Eddie said "Maybe she's in so much pain to Matthew that she doesn't even want to talk to him"

Meanwhile; Meg goes to the fencing class, where Matthew was training alone.

"Matthew, we need to talk!" Meg said.

"I thought you didn't want me to talk me" Matthew replied.

"That was before that you and Eddie decided to face up in 6 days" Meg said "I want you to stop this; this is ridiculous"

"Don't talk to me like this was my fault" Matthew said as he got another glare from Meg "Okay, maybe it was my fault, maybe some part of me wanted to kick your boyfriend's ass"

"He's not my-Why are you keep saying that we're a couple?" Meg asked.

"Because I think you're in love with you" Matthew answered.

"Me...in love with Eddie?" Meg asked pretty shocked "That's ridiculous, I'm not in love with..."

"Just listen to your own words" Matthew said "You keep overprotecting him, you hate me for beating him up and the most important...I think he's in love with you too"

"Eddie...in love with ME?" Meg asked even more shocked "That's impossible...no guy, except Neil Goldman, has ever in love with me. I'm the most unpopular girl of my school"

"I know you, Megan Griffin" Matthew said "You're kind and loving, but all the stupid people, especially your family, are so f*cking stupid as to see it. Only smart people like Eddie can notice it and I'm not surprised that he has a crush on you"

"How do you know all this?" Meg asked.

"Because...when we were kids...I had a crush on you too" Matthew answered "Always protecting you from him...but I never told you my feelings when I moved out. Now, it's too late"

"Matthew stop it, I just came here to stop this stupid fight" Meg said.

"Sorry, but it's not my decision" Matthew replied "If Eddie wanted to fight with me, I'll give him the match he wants. Also, you better take a look again at your feelings...if I'm not wrong that you're in love with Eddie"

Meg just left the building with a very confused face.

The following day; Eddie continued his training with Jeanette. He trained so many hours every day, improving his fitness, he even gained some muscles when he looked at himself in the mirror. The training was every time harder and the fight was this Saturday **(A/E: He's on Summer vacation)**. Then one Thursday night after training...

"See you tomorrow, Ms. Adams" Eddie said.

"Tomorrow we don't train" Jeanette replied.

"But my duel is in two days" Eddie said.

"And you're ready, you trained harder, so you deserve a day off" Jeanette replied.

"Oh, I get it" Eddie said "Thank you, you deserve a day off too. Bye!"

Eddie left the building leaving Jeanette with a very sad face.

Eddie was already in his room **(A/E: he's living in a high-class apartment; his room was full of posters of his favorite movies: _Raiders of the Lost Ark, Terminator II, the Lord of the Rings: the Return of the King and the Dark Knight_)**. He was thinking what to do tomorrow on his day off until he got an idea, grabbed his cellphone and dialed a number.

Meanwhile, in Meg's room. She was already in her pajamas until her cellphone rang.

"Hello?" Meg asked as a line divided the screen to see both characters.

"Hi, Meg" Eddie greeted "Listen, tomorrow is my day off and I was thinking if you and me can...go out tomorrow"

"Tomorrow, where?" Meg asked.

"I don't know, whatever we want...of course, if you're not busy tomorrow" Eddie said.

"No, not at all" Meg said quickly as she was feeling her heart beating "See you at noon at the Quahog Carnaval. Bye!" she hung up and the line disappeared.

She took a look at her closet to find the perfect outfit for her 'date' with her friend.

Next day, Eddie (wearing a red buttoned shirt, black jeans and Brown shoes) was waiting for Meg. She finally shows off, she's wearing a pink sweater, no hat, a blue dress and black heels.

"Sorry, I'm late" Meg apologizes "Chris was using too long the bathroom, I had to wait to take a shower"

"It doesn't matter, let's have fun!" Eddie said.

"Right" Meg agreed.

And so they spent the day at the carnaval: they went to the bumper cars, the house of mirrors, they ate cotton candy, they went on a roller coaster, they threw up after that, but later Edd played a game where you bring down the bottles with a baseball ball and won a pink teddy bear for Meg. At the end of the day; they were sitting on a bench looking at the sunset.

"That was one of the best days I ever had in my life" Meg commented.

"Mine too..." Eddie replied.

"So...how's your training going?" Meg asked.

"Pretty good, intense, but pretty good" Eddie answered "She told me that I'm ready to fight Matthew"

"But...you're not ready, are you?" Meg asked.

"Why are you asking?" Eddie asked.

"I talked with Matthew one day..." Meg confessed.

"Wait, you did what?" Eddie asked somewhat shocked.

"Eddie, I don't want you to fight" Meg answered "I talked to him to stop this senseless fight. But he told me that it was your decision. So, please cancel this fight"

"Meg, I already accepted this fight, I already trained for this and if I quit, he'll call me a coward" Eddie said "It's too late to retract it"

"That's the same thing he said, when he confessed that he had a crush on me" Meg replied.

"Wait, a crush on you?" Eddie asked.

"He was in love with me since he was a child, that's why he always protected me from you" Meg said "But it was too late for him"

"What else he told you...?" Eddie asked.

"Nothing, that's all" Meg lied.

"Have you ever loved him?" Eddie asked.

"What? No, well, maybe a little" Meg answered "It was a child crush, everything is so different now"

"Except...that he's the jerk now" Eddie added "That's why I want to fight with him, so I can teach him some 'humility'"

"Okay, Eddie" Meg said "If you think that's the right thing...I'll support you at 100%"

"Thank you, Meg" Eddie thanked "You're the best friend I ever had"

"You too" Meg replied.

Suddenly, the two teenagers (at least only Meg, because she's not 18 yet) were carried away by the moment...and they were about to kiss until...

_**RING-RING**_

They were interrupted by Meg's cellphone and she had to answer.

"Hello?" Meg asked "Okay, Mom..." she phoned off "It's my mom, she told me it's time for dinner"

"I'll take you home" Eddie said.

Eddie took Meg home in his mother's car (it's a blue Prius Minivan). After he dropped her at her house, he drove ahead to his home, until he looked at the ice factory where he trains with Jeanette with the lights on. He decided to take a look at inside...and he found his teacher breaking a giant ice cube with a hammer. He also found an empty bottle of vodka on the table, hinting that she was drinking.

"Ms. Adams!" Eddie called her "What are you doing?"

"What do you want...?" Jeanette asked "We're not training today..." she goes to the table and sat down.

Eddie looked at the table: there was a picture of a man with a teenage boy.

"Who are they?" Eddie asked as Jeanette grabbed the picture and touched it.

"His name was Jaime..." Jeanette answered "Eddie, how old are you?"

"18" Eddie answered.

"He was 15...he was so precious..." Jeanette replied "My husband was John...he was a country singer..."

_I'll come for you, baby..._

_And taking you, baby..._

_To that house of that praire..._

"What happened to them?" Eddie asked.

"We were driving in a raining day...we were arguing...he was so angry" Jeanette said "Then we saw a deer that we almost ran over...and we crashed...I survived...but they didn't" she continued sobbing for the death of her family.

Eddie got sad for her teacher's story, he even had a tear on his eye. So, he tried to cheer his teacher up putting his uniform on and convincing the teacher to train one more time and so she did.

The duel day has arrived; Matthew and Eddie were ready to fight. Meg, Jeantte and Amy (wearing her cheerleader uniform) were here to cheer him up.

"Are you ready for this, Wimpy Walker?" Matthew asked.

"I already trained for this, Puny Ryder" Eddie answered.

Amy used one of her cheerleading perfomances **(A/E: (perverted face) Yeah, rise your legs up to show your undies...(embarassed face) God, I'm such a pervert)**.

_My brother is great!_

_My brother is the best!_

_He's gonna eat the champion's cake!_

"All right, this duel will follow the fencing rules" the instructor said "Begin!"

The duel began and they both fenced their sabres to each other and kept the pace until Eddie was out of the circule.

"You're out of circle, you got a warning" the instructor said.

"What's the matter?" Matthew asked mocking at him "You can't hit me?"

"Come on, Eddie, focus!" Jeanette said.

"Round 2, begin!" the instructor exclaimed.

The second round began and Eddie tried to fight in Matthew's level, but it was impossible and Matthew hits him **(A/E: again, through X-Rays he hits a weak point)**.

"Argh!" Eddie screamed of pain.

"Point for Matthew!" the instructor exclaimed.

"With that pace, you're not gonna beat me" Matthew said.

"Round 3, begin!" the instructor exclaimed

The next round began and this time the things are getting hot: Eddie ferociously attacked him until he finally hit him.

"You've been touched, point for Eddie" the instructor said.

"Way to go, brother!' Amy cheered.

"You're doing it, great!" Meg cheered.

"Just one more round" Jeanette said.

"I'm gonna finish this..." Matthew said full of determination.

"Final round, BEGIN!" the instructor exclaimed even louder.

They fought with all their strengths...they both remembered their childhood and phrases like 'Leave her alone!' and 'You're not worthy, Puny Ryder!'. Finally, he made Matthew dropping his sabre and hit him in the shoulder **(A/E: A weak point was hit)**. He lost the balance due to the damaged shoulder and slowly fell down like in the Street Fighter games.

"Matthew is unabled to battle!" the instructor exclaimed.

"I'm not a f*cking Pokémon!" Matthew rudely yelled.

"Eddie is the winner!" the instructor exclaimed.

"You did it, Eddie!" Meg cheered giving him a hug.

"YOU WERE SUPER DOOPER WOOPER!" Amy cheered.

"Comgratulations, Eddie" Jeanette said "I'm so proud of you"

"Damn it, I thought I could beat you..." Matthew said "But it ended just like almost 10 years ago..."

"Matthew, I challenged you, not to humiliate you" Eddie said "But for teaching you a lesson: to forget the past and keep moving, not matter how many times you fail"

"I guess you're right, Walker" Matthew said.

"So, can we try to be friends?" Eddie asked offering his hand.

"Hell no!" Matthew snapped "There's another thing I hate about you: you're TOO sentimental and I found that completely..."

Nathan appeared and kicked his ass approaching he was still in the ground.

"I told you that I'd kick your ass, Ryder!" Nathan said spitting on him.

**End of the chapter**

**(A/E: Wow, that chapter was really long. And I'll continue Brian's plot at the next chapter. Anyway; read and comment!)**


	11. The Passion of the Walker

**Chapter 11: The Passion of the Walker**

The whole family was planning Meg's 18 birthday, well only Lois and Brian, because Peter and Chris were making origami figures with the invitaton cards.

"Guys, you were suppose to separate the cards by colors: white cream for the relatives and reddish pink for the friends! " Lois said "Not making origami figures!"

"It's hard, Mom" Chris said " Besides, look: I made another crane!"

"I don't understand why we're starting to plan Meg's birthday party" Peter said "It's only in two weeks" he broke the fourth-wall "I know that, because it's the same date when my step-father died"

"It doesn't matter, she'll be 18 soon and her party must be the best party she ever had" Lois said "And don't you EVER kick her out of the house"

"I'll reserve an apartment and the rest is up to her" Peter replied.

"Don't you love your daughter?" Lois asked.

"I love her good enough" Peter answered "You love her too much"

"No, loving her good enough and too much will NEVER good enough" Lois replied as she sighed "Can you please back me up? This is really important"

"I got it: what about if we put Eddie wearing nothing but a G-string inside of a giant cake?" Peter asked "Then when we serve the cake, he comes out!"

"That will be really exciting..." Lois said with a sexy tone "But there's a problem: they're NOT even dating"

"How about Amy and Helena, both wearing bikinis instead, that would be even better" Peter said.

"NO!" Lois said.

"Can they do it on my birthday?" Chris asked.

"NOT A CHANCE!" Lois scolded him.

"Oh..." Chris groaned of disappointment.

"Don't worry, son, you'll have it" Peter whispered.

"Hey Brian, are you still going to continue spying on Jillian and Jackie?" Stewie asked "Even after what happened last time you spied on them?"

**Flashback**

The couple were in an ice cream store.

"We'd like a chocolate one and a strawberry one" Jackie said.

"Okay...wait, are you Jillian Russell?" the old lady cashier asked

"Yes, I do" Jillian answered.

"Oh my...please, take these cones for free" the old lady cashier said.

"Really?" Jillian asked.

"I couldn't image losing my husband Harold too..." the old lady cashier answered.

"Good, free cones!" Jackie cheered as he took the cones.

"Well...thanks!" Jillian thanked as they both leave.

"Hi, I'd like a chocolate cone" Stewie ordered.

"Stewie!" Brian called him.

"*gasp* The bad dog!" the old Lady cashier screamed as she took out a water hose and sprayed water on him.

They even went to a videogames store.

"_Xenoblade Chronicles_ is a very successful game that combines real-time battle with RPG" the nerdy cashier explained "Interesting story, impressive visuals, cool soundtrack, but don't expect good acting from the English voices, so I recommend to play it in Japanese language with subtitles"

"Love it, I'll take it" Jackie said.

"That will be $49.99" the nerdy cashier replied.

"What?"

"Plus taxes" the nerdy cashier added.

"I only have $19.49...ah...and this coupon for Domino's Pizza" Jackie said.

"I'll take the _Kirby's 20th Anniversary_, I just LOVE this little pink guy since I was a little girl!" Jillian said.

"Wait, are you Jillian Russell?" the nerdy cashier asked.

"Yes" Jillian answered.

"I'll accept the $19.49 and the coupon; enjoy your games" the nerdy cashier said "Oh and pal...protect your beautiful Fiora (the character of the game).

"Well...thanks!" Jillian thanked.

"This is our lucky day!" Jackie said as they both leave.

"Hi, I'd like to buy this _Mario Party 9_" Stewie said putting the game on the counter.

"Stewie!" Brian called.

"***gasp*** You're worse than Sephiroth from _Final Fantasy_!" the nerdy cashier yelled at him as he takes out his Portal gun, shoots the roof and then the floor where Brian was standing, making him fall down in an infinite portal.

**Flashback's End**

"Look, I only spied them once and I noticed people are sorry for her for losing her husband and hating me for being a bad boyfriend" Brian said "Maybe I wasn't the best, but they don't have the right to treat me like a dog"

"But you're a dog" Stewie said.

"Whatever, I have to tell her the truth" Brian said "Then I'll leave her alone...forever"

"And after that what?" Stewie asked "Are you going fishing for golden fish? And when I say 'golden fish' I mean 'stupid blondies like Jillian'"

"I'll ignore your question" Brian said "Just like Peter when he was a Pokémon"

**Flashback**

There's a Pokémon battle between an Ash-like Pokémon trainer and a Bug Catcher.

"Metapod, I choose you!" Bug Catcher exclaimed throwing his Pokéball to release Metapod.

"Metapod...' Metapod said.

"Snorlax, I choose you!" the Pokémon Trainer exclaimed throwing his Pokéball to release...Peter as Snorlax.

"I'm ready to...Wait, what the hell?" Peter asking looking at the Metapod.

"Snorlax: use Body Slam!" the Pokémon Trainer ordered.

"I have to battle with THAT useless Pokémon?" Peter asked "My first battle since you caught me and that's the best you can get?"

"Come on, Snorlax! Just use Body Slam and we defeat him!" the Pokémon Trainer said.

"He only has ONE Meta-you know what? I'll go back to the cave to block the entrance" Peter said leaving the battle.

"Come on, buddy!" the Pokémon Trainer until he realized it's gone "God, it cost me 6 Ultra Balls and my Butterfree to catch it"

**Flashback's end**

Meanwhile; Meg and Eddie were walking around the streets.

"No way, I don't buy it!" Meg said.

"I'm serious, when Amy was 12, she took care a nest of birds" Eddie said "She and I played Mommies and Daddies, they were good times"

"Weren't you guys a little old for playing that kind of game" Meg asked.

"You already know Amy: she always wants to stay being a child" Eddie answered.

"Just like my Dad, except he's mostly a childish jerk" Meg said "Well, at least he's doing his best to be a better father"

**Flashback**

Meg was practicing archery with her father's help; he was tied to a tree with an apple on his head.

"Meg, is it safe?" Peter asked nervously.

"Only if you don't move a SINGLE muscle" Meg answered preparing her bow and arrow with a sharply tip "Are you ready? 3..."

"Can you give me a beer first?" Peter asked

"2..."

"I'm less of a coward when I'm drunk" Peter said

"1...DIE YOU FAT BASTARD!" Meg angrily yelled throwing the arrow.

"AH!" Peter screamed of horror as the arrow cuts the apple in half "You...didn't miss"

"Yes, I was right!" Meg said "I have better aim while I'm angry and saying bad words!"

"I hate being tortured..." Peter said "The author really hates me..."

**(A/E: Oh no...I don't hate you, my little Petey...(evil chuckling))**

**Flashback's end**

"Look, Meg!" Eddie told looking at a building: an abandoned porn theater.

"What? It's just an abandoned porn theater" Meg said "It closed 2 years ago since the failure of 'Yellow Sea', I mean: who wants to see three sailors peeing on a mermaid? That's not sexy, that's totally gross!"

"It's not what I mean, this place used to be Lincoln Elementary School...10 years ago" Eddie said with a nostalgic tone as he imagined several children were running around, playing together and laughing.

"I can't believe an educational center became a place where perverts like my neighbor come to masturbate" Meg said.

"They did the right thing, didn't they?" Eddie asked.

"You're not talking serious; porn movies are crap" Meg said "I can't believe my mom starred in a porn. I guess she had no choice in that time"

"I'm just saying that terrible things happened to you in that school, remember?" Eddie asked "I was a horrible monster..."

**Flashback**

The whole school was on fire (in a slapstick effect) with a giant kid Eddie terrorizing the children. He grabbed a kid Meg, spat on her face and used her to clean his grossed ears like a swab.

_Eddie!_

**Flashback's end**

"You're overreacting with that flashback" Meg said "You didn't treat me that bad"

"But I DID cross the line when I put your head on the toilet" Eddie said "Luckily, the principal was here when he found me torturing you and got expelled"

"And what happened next?" Meg asked.

"My first tribunal in my life" Eddie answered.

**Flashback**

Later, at the court of Quahog; kid Eddie was in a trial for all his crimes.

"Edward Long Walker, age: 9 years old, Lincoln Elementary School" the Judge said "You've been accused by 32 charges of aggresion towards other students, humiliation, bullying, mostly girls. And of course...almost murdering a little girl, wait, it's a girl? I thought it was a boy. Anyway, you have anything to say for your own defense?"

"You wanna hear it...?" kid Eddie asked "Kiss my ass!"

"That does it!" the Judge ordered "Jury: your veredict!"

"GUILTY!" the Jury declared.

"Edward Long Walker: I sentence you to the Quahog's Rebel Children Penitentiary!" the Judge declared pounding his hammer "Court Dismissed!"

_They took me away, my mother couldn't do anything, she was so devastated by my behavior...created by the very own bastard who I used to call him...'Dad'_

**Flashback's end**

"You blame your father for your behavior?" Meg asked.

"Partially...I thought everything will be different since he was sent to prison" Eddie answered "Unfortunately...I was cursed by these four words: 'Like father, like son'"

**Flashback**

A 12 years old Eddie (wearing an orange jumpsuit) was having lunch (it was a smelling mashed stuff and a glass of water).

"I'm not eating this crap!" Kid Eddie said throwing the tray next to a giant muscular black teenage. He obviously got angry and turned around to show his fists "Bring it on, giant muscles!"

They began to fight while everybody chanted 'FIGHT!' 'FIGHT!' 'FIGHT!' 'FIGHT!' until the guards came to stop the fight.

"STOP!" Guard #1 demanded.

"STOP BOTH OF YOU!" Guard #2 demanded grabbing kid Eddie.

"GET OFF ME!" kid Eddie demanded.

"Shut up, you rotten bastard!" Guard #1.

**Flashback's end**

"I was out of control" Eddie said "Always starting fights, always disrespecting the authority...but I crossed the line when I convinced my cellmate to poop in the Warden's hat"

"You did WHAT?" Meg asked with disgust.

"Actually it was his idea, but I agreed with him and I took the guilt" Eddie answered "That was a big mistake, because after that..."

**Flashback**

Kid Eddie was in the Warden's office; he's still wearing the poop-smelling hat.

"What the HELL is wrong with you?" the Warden asked "You've been here for three goddamn years due the increase of your sentence. You're almost 12 years old, almost 13. I can tolerate the fights you start, I can understand your lack of authority...but ruining THIS hat that belonged to my father and his father before, YOU, EDWARD LONG WALKER, CROSSED THE LINE!"

"Yeah-yeah, now you smelled like what it came out from my butt" kid Eddie said arrogantly "Can I go now?"

"Yes, you can go...but you will be escorted to the Virginia Teenagehood Penitentiary..." the Warden said.

"Oh yeah, another place to destroy" kid Eddie said very pleased.

"...for GIRLS" the Warden finished the sentence.

"WHAT?"

"That's right, I heard you bullied girls too, wouldn't be interesting to revive your glory days?" the Warden asked "There a lot of virgin girls to bash...and RAPE"

"I don't know what 'rape' means, but that would be fun to play with them" kid Eddie said.

"Guards, escort Mr. Walker to the assigned place" the Warden ordered.

"Yes, sir!" the guards agreed as they took kid Eddie away.

"Stupid rotten bastard..." the Warden said with an evil face "He doesn't know what it's coming for him"

**Flashback's end**

"And he was right..." Eddie said.

"Wait a minute, you were out of his office, how could you ever heard what he said?" Meg asked.

"I couldn't, but I bet he said that after I was taken away" Eddie said "I never knew that I was going to Hell"

"God, I thought my life is a hell" Meg commented "Maybe I'm not aware about the kids in Africa"

**Cutaway**

A commercial about the African kids with Lindsay Lohan as the host is shown.

"Hi, I'm Lindsay Lohan" Lindsay Lohan greeted "Maybe I had so many legal issues. That's why I decided to prove that I changed helping kids around the world. But the much needed kids are the Africans. They're living a terrible nightmare here: they're starving, they're weak and there's a lot of prawns from _District 9_ terrorizing them" behind of her there's a group of African children being chased by a prawn "They need your help to escape from that horrible nightmare. Send us money and weapons to kill the prawns before it's too late"

"(Subtitles: **Excuse me, Ms. Lohan: I liked you in _Mean Girls_, can you give me an autograph?**)" a prawn asked.

"I'll give you something better" Lindsay Lohan answered as she shot it with a plasma blaster "Please call us to 999-DIESTUPIDPRAWN-669; the African children will be grateful"

**Cutaway's end**

Meanwhile, in the park of Quahog; Jackie and Jillian were in the park feeding

the pigeons. Brian was behind of the bushes getting ready to tell Jillian the truth.

"Okay, this is it" Brian said "After this, I'll let Jillian moving on her life"

Brian was coming out from the bushes until he found out Jackie kissing Jillian, something that Jillian didn't want it.

"Get away from her!" Brian demanded.

"Brian!" Jillian exclaimed "Ah...it's not what you think"

"Don't protect him, Jillian" Brian said "I'm not gonna let any guy taking advantage of you!"

"What are you talking about?" Jillian asked "Jackie is a lesbian"

"Wait, a lesbian?" Jackie asked.

"I like you, but not in that way" Jillian said.

"Jillian, Jackie is a guy" Brian corrected.

"*gasp* You're so mean, Brian!" Jillian reproached him.

"No, he's right, Jill" Jackie said "I'm actually a guy"

"Wait...really?" Jillian asked shocked.

"Sorry for kissing you, I thought all this time together there were something between us" Jackie said "Gosh, how could I be so stupid?"

"No, you're not" Jillian said "I am stupid for confusing you with a girl"

"Logical: Jackie is also a girl's name" Brian said.

"You weren't the only one" Jackie said "Almost every single girl I dated confused me with a lesbian and everyone was blonde. I guess Eddie was right, I have a bad habit"

"It's okay, Jackie" Brian said "I have the same bad habit too, maybe because I missed my relationship with Jillian"

"That's why you're here, Brian?" Jillian asked "You want me to get back with you?

"No, Jillian" Brian answered "I want you to be happy; I confessed that I've been following you guys"

"You were spying on us?" Jillian asked shocked.

"I just didn't want you unhappy since your husband was murdered by Dianne Simmons" Brian answered "But I realized everybody feels sorry for you and hates me for being a bad boyfriend"

"That's terrible..." Jillian said.

"Wait a minute; you were sorry for her too" Jackie said "You decided to follow us, because you thought she was still sad"

"Oh my god, you're right" Brian replied "I felt sorry for her husband's death just like them. I'm so sorry, Jillian. I think I deserved being bashed for everybody"

"No, Brian; you're a good cat" Jillian said.

"Dog" Brian corrected.

"I mean dog, you were a good boyfriend and I'm not sad for Derek's death anymore" Jillian replied pointing at the sky "He's already up there with the little angels"

"_It's good to see the innocent Jillian again. Maybe I don't believe in Heaven, but..._" Brian said mentally "Yes, he's in a better place now"

"Thanks!" Jillian thanked "And don't worry, I'll tell everybody to leave you alone"

"If you want any advice: I suggest you to keep hanging out with Jackie" Brian said "He's a nice guy; you both have so many things in common...more than you and me"

"Really?" Jillian asked with a unsure face "What about you?

"I'll be fine, you already know me" Brian answered "The important thing is your happiness; you're still a young woman, you have a whole life ahead"

"Thank you VERY much, oogy!" Jillian thanked giving him a hug, something Brian missed for a long time

"Brian, you're my favorite dog" Jackie said with a cool tone "Well, actually it's Marmaduke, but you know what I'm talking about"

"Thanks, Jackie" Brian said "And take care of Jillian"

He finally leaves the couple alone...so they both can move on with their lives.

Meanwhile, Eddie continued telling his past to Meg.

"So, you were sent to an All-Girls Prison?" Meg asked.

"I thought it would have great kicking some girls' asses...but as always...I was totally wrong" Eddie said.

**Flashback**

One night, a 12 years old Eddie was on the prison playground fighting with a dozen of girls. He was so tired, but the girls were heating up; their leader is a 15 years old girl: Jet black hair in a short, slightly spikey style, simple light tan skin, a normal figure with big hips, a red ripped sleeved midriff baring shirt, a black sports bra under it, black skinny jeans with holes and rips, silver chain belt, purple sneakers and black cuffs with spikes.

"It's...that...all you got...Sarah?" young Eddie asked exhausted.

"You never give up, don't you?" Sarah asked "You're already exhausted and we're just heating up, aren't we, girls?"

"YEAH!" all the girls exclaimed.

"I'll show you all...that boys are better than girls..." young Eddie said.

"Really? Girls are better than THIS?" Sarah asked snapping her fingers making all the girls violently stripped off their clothes and began to cry of pain.

"What's all this?" Eddie asked.

"You see: this is the part where I betray you..." Sarah answered giving him a kiss in the mouth.

"Yuck, get off!" young Eddie said "You betray ME with a KISS?"

Suddenly Sarah began to cry of pain like the others as the guards appeared.

"What happened here?" Guard #1 asked.

"The monster!" Sarah answered "This monster boy did terrible things to all of us!"

"WHAT? She's lying!" young Eddie said.

"Shut up!" Guard #2 yelled at him slapping him "You're coming with us"

They took young Eddie away as Sarah evilly smiled.

They took me to the Warden...but I didn't know he was Sarah's father: Lt. Alexander Stone. He was extremely furious at me.

Young Eddie and the guards were in the Warden Stone's office.

"You rotten bastard!" Warden Stone insulted him "They warned me about you, but I never knew you would go too far!"

"I didn't do anything! Young Eddie protested "They fell to the ground and..."

"SHUT UP!" Warden Stone ordered slamming the table "You have no idea how much I want to see you being TORTURED by my own men. But, the stupid government only wants more peaceful methods and all this crap. Well, SCREW the government, I'll do it through democracy"

"What do you mean?" Young Eddie asked.

"I already called ALL the girls' parents you abused in Lincoln Elementary School" Warden Stone answered "Today, my men will beat you in the solitary confinement, so tomorrow all the girls will see you and decide if you only need therapy...or being old-fashined tortured and when I say 'old', I say 'ancient Roman style', my favorite historical period" he goes to a sink to was his hands "This will be their decision, not mine...that's why I'm washing my hands"

He didn't lie; next day I was chained and beaten, waiting for the already grown up girls to decide my fate. I don't know how he did it to find almost every single girl I abused in Elementary School...but I must confessed that this guy has a lot of power...

"This is Edward Long Walker, he's here for aggresion towards other students, humiliation, bullying, mostly girls and rebellion against the authority" Warden Stone explained "I summoned all of you...at least most of them, to decide their punishment: giving him therapy...so he can finally be a good kid...or torture him until he learn his lesson. It's up to all of you, what do you say?"

_Curiously, the votes weren't unanimous at all. In fact: only the half wanted me to be punished and the other half wanted me to go to therapy. So...the Warden threw a coin. Heads: I'm saved, tails: I suffer the consequences. It was tails...I suffered the most painful torture of my life._

The sky turned red as the young Eddie wore nothing, but his underwear, was violently whipped on his back by the guards. Blood marks were appearing on his back was appearing by every whip, that's how he got these two scars on his back. Next: he was forced to carry a big and heavy cross while he's walking to the prison's cliff. All the prisoners were spitting on him until he arrived. They tied (NOT crucified, they're not that extreme) his hands and feet to the cross and continued whipping on his chest. They were laughing at him, gambling in front of him ans giving him a sponge soaked with their own pee to drink. he only says phrases like 'I'm sorry...I didn't know what I was doing...' and 'Sugar Princess...Sugar Princess...why I did this to you?'. He ended unconcious and all whipped up...

**Flashback's end**

"I was unconcious for three days" Eddie explained "I was hospitalized for three months...during this time...I realized how a bastard I was"

"No..." Meg said speechless.

"I made a promise to myself: that I'll never, EVER...hurt a girl, ever again" Eddie said as Meg started to cry "Meg? What's wrong?"

"I can't be your friend anymore..." Meg answered brimming tears.

"Wait, why are you saying this?" Eddie asked.

"BECAUSE FOR WHAT I DID TO YOU!" Mev answered with all guilt "If it wasn't for me...you wouldn't receive this horrible torture!"

"Meg, I don't know what you're talking..." Eddie said.

"Chris was right: I'm a F*CKING BITCH!" Meg interrupted him as she ran away while she's dropping tears like in an Anime.

"Meg, come back!" Eddie called her "MEG!"

Meg was running so fast, she only can think of what happened to Eddie...and her feelings to him.

"It's over...I'll never be able to be with him" Meg said mentally "Not knowing that he was tortured by my fault...I'll never be loved"

She continued running away while something appeared on screen:

**To be continued...**


	12. Never Give Up

**Chapter 12: Never Give Up**

_Previously on Family Guy: OC Universe..._

"I don't understand why we're starting to plan Meg's birthday party" Peter said "It's only in two weeks"

"It doesn't matter, she'll be 18 soon and her party must be the best party she ever had" Lois said.

...

I have to tell her the truth" Brian said "Then I'll leave her alone...forever"

...

"I never knew that I was going to Hell" Eddie said.

...

The sky turned red as the young Eddie wore nothing, but his underwear, was violently whipped on his back by the guards. Blood marks were appearing on his back was appearing by every whip, that's how he got these two scars on his back. Next: he was forced to carry a big and heavy cross while he's walking to the prison's cliff. All the prisoners were spitting on him until he arrived. They tied (NOT crucified, they're not that extreme) his hands and feet to the cross and continued whipping on his chest. They were laughing at him, gambling in front of him ans giving him a sponge soaked with their own pee to drink. he only says phrases like 'I'm sorry...I didn't know what I was doing...' and 'Sugar Princess...Sugar Princess...why I did this to you?'. He ended unconcious and all whipped up...

...

"If it wasn't for me...you wouldn't receive this horrible torture!" Meg said with a big guilt

"Meg, I don't know what you're talking..." Eddie said.

"Chris was right: I'm a F*CKING BITCH!" Meg interrupted him as she ran away while she's dropping tears like in an Anime.

"Meg, come back!" Eddie called her "MEG!"

...

In a dark alley; Connie and her friends were talking until a mysterious girl appeared (her face wasn't even showing).

"Then I said 'Go kill youself'" Connie said as the girls laugh whatever they were talking about.

"Hey, are you guys from James Woods High School?" the mysterious girl asked.

"Duh, yes, we are" Connie answered "But we're in Summer Vacation"

"Do you know a guy called 'Eddie Walker'?" the mysterious girl asked.

"Ha, do I know him? He's my future husband" Connie answered arrogantly "But for some reason he prefers hanging out with that ugly whale Meg Griffin"

"Do you know where he lives?" the mysterious girl asked.

"Do I look like a map? No, I don't know where he lives" Connie answered rudely "And if I'd know, I wouldn't even tell you..."

The mysterious girl had enough of Connie's mouth, so she grabbed her and began beating her down. Connie's friends tried to help her, but the mysterious girl took them down too without any problems. The three popular girls ended up with their arms, legs and ribs totally broken and their clothes were damaged.

"Who...are you?" Connie asked barely breathing and coughing blood.

The mysterious girl's identity was revealed: Sarah Stone, 21 years old, longer jet black hair, slightly spikey style. She wears a purple tank top, black denim jacket, red tight jeans and white converses.

"Let's just say I'm like Judas, but without remorse" Sarah answered "And I'm looking for the Jesus of the well-deserved torture"

One morning, Lois was knocking on Meg's door.

"Sweetie, are you still here?" Lois asked.

_Go away!_

"You've been in your room for so many days" Lois said "And you've never been in there for so long"

_I do nothing, but hurting people!_

"What's wrong, Lois?" Brian asked.

"Meg is still in her room, I'm very worried about her" Lois answered.

"Wow, really?" Brian asked sarcastically.

"I'm not playing around, Brian" Lois answered "Something bad must have happened to her and she refused to tell me what it's"

"Didn't you asked Eddie?" Brian asked.

"Of course I didn't" Lois answered slapping her forehead "Why didn't I do it before?"

"I don't know, maybe you were too busy working on Meg's birthday party" Brian said "But if you wanna know where he is, he's training with Jeanette in the abandoned ice factory"

"Thank you, Brian" Lois said "Wonder Woman transformation!"

She did the famous Wonder Woman's spinning transformation and went to her invisible plane to fly away.

Meanwhile; Eddie was training with Jeanette **(A/E: Although he defeated Matthew, he trains to be fit. They're training MMA (Mixed Martial Arts))**. But Eddie was a little distracted today.

"What's wrong, Eddie?" Jeanette asked "Is there something bothering you?"

"It's Meg, she was distanced these last days" Eddie answered "I miss her..."

"What happened between Meg and you?" Jeanette asked.

"I told her my horrible past and she felt responsable for what happened to me" Eddie answered "But I don't hate her, I don't wanna lose her, I LOVE her...as a friend!"

"Eddie, I know you're in love with her" Jeanette said "You remind me of my father. When he and my mother were young, they used to fight all the time. She felt responsable for the fights, but ironically he felt responsable too. In the end, they resolved their differences and..."

"Sorry for interrupting you, but what makes you think I'm in love with Meg?" Eddie asked.

"I know every student that I've been training with" Jeanette answered.

"I'm you're only student" Eddie replied.

"That's not the point" Jeanette said "This is my question: do you love her?"

Eddie thought for a moment and remembered the good times he had with her: when he met her, when they planned to cheer Neil up, when he took her to the hospital when she fought against a wolf, when he dressed like Emma to participate in the fashion show along with her, when they rescued a little monkey, don't forget the 'romantic' date they had in the Carnaval and when they kissed during _the Hunger Games_...wait, the last one never happened. It's just I became a fan of Suzanne Collins's trilogy and...you know.

"Yes...I think I'm in love with her" Eddie answered.

"Do you mean it?" Lois asked behind of them.

"Mrs. Griffin!" Eddie exclaimed "What are you doing here?"

"Meg hasn't come out of the house in days" Lois answered "What happened to her?"

"***sighed* **I think I should tell you my sad story too" Eddie answered "But I don't wanna bore the readers, so here's a cutaway that aldovas made inspired on one of _MAD_'s sketches"

**Cutaway**

And now 'Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions'!

A kid was watching a lion in the zoo.

"Oh my gosh, is that a lion?" the kid asked.

"No, Son, he's a giant cat wearing a giant wig" the father answered sarcastically.

A couple were watching manatees.

"They look gorgeous, are they manatees?" The girl asked.

"No, they're fat gray mermaids" the guy answered sarcastically.

An old man was watching the gorillas.

"Are they gorillas?" the old man asked.

"No, they're muscle men that forgot to shave" the zookeeper answered sarcastically as the gorilla grabbed him "AAAAAHHHH!"

That was 'Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions'!

**Cutaway's end**

"And that's the last time I saw her" Eddie concluded the story.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry for what happened to you" Lois said.

"Well, your daughter is even more sorry for that" Eddie replied "But she shouldn't be, I just took the responsability of my actions and paid for them"

"Do you love her?" Lois asked.

"What?"

"Are you you in love with my daughter?" Lois asked.

"Yes...I think I do" Eddie answered "But, I don't know if she's in love with me too"

"Maybe I'm not 'the World's best mother', but if I learned something about Meg, it's that she'll never be happy until she finds her true love" Lois explained as she laughed a little "Sounds pretty stupid, right? Like a fairy tale"

"No, actually, I always believed in true love too" Eddie said "But, only if she's truly in love with me"

"You won't know until you tell her" Lois replied "That's why we'll do an intervention, we're all going to talk about our concern to her and then you express your feelings to her"

"Okay, Mrs. Griffin" Eddie agreed "We'll do this together like when Twilight Sparkles and her friends used the Elements of Harmony to defeat Nightmare Moon and Discord"

"***laughing*** Do you watch a little girls' show?" Lois asked.

"I'm not ashamed to like cute things" Eddie answered.

**(A/E: Besides: there's a lot of male fans (Bronies) that loved the show...even me)**

"What a bunch of (beep)" Lois commented annoyed.

In the Griffin's house; Meg (she's wearing her mom's bathrobe) was still in her room watching _Twilight_ movies in her laptop. She was watching _Breaking Dawn_, part 1 right now

_I'll love you forever, Bella..._

"Eddie is right, these movies suck!" Meg said "But I don't deserve watching good movies just as he likes..."

_Sweetie!_

"Go away!" Meg demanded.

_The police is here, they want to ask you some questions._

"Well, I'll go back to jail..." Meg said finally getting out of bed "I hope this time I fix my behavior..."

She came out of her room and went downstairs just to found her family (except Peter), neighbors, the Walkers, friends...and surprisingly Cleveland too.

"Thank god, you're here" Lois said "I thought you never come out"

"Why everybody is doing...? Never mind, officer Swanson" Meg said offering her hands ready for the handcuffs "I surrender"

"No, you're not under arrest" Joe said.

"I'm not?" Meg asked.

"This is an intervention, Meg" Lois answered "Your father wasn't here, he was...busy. But the point is we're all worried about you"

"Oh, really?" Meg asked sarcastically.

"Listen, young lady, you're not going anywhere until you start listening" Lois scolded her "Cleveland, as you drove 500 miles, you'll be first"

"Okay..." Cleveland said taking off his note "Meg, you're not the worst daughter on Earth. In fact: you're 10 times better than my stepdaughter Roberta. I mean, she's awful, she dates terrible rapper white guys like that douche of Federline...that's all"

"Thanks, Cleveland" Lois thanked "It's your turn Joe"

"Meg, you're a good girl" Joe said "Even throught you got my wife getting ARRESTED! Or put my baby girl's mouth in your BREASTS! Or almost destroyed my marriage by SEDUCING ME!" Lois gave hin a cold stare "Sorry, the point is: all you need is attention, that's all"

"Thank you, Joe" Lois thanked "Chris..."

"Meg, do you think _The Dark Knight Rises_ was overrated?" Chris asked "I mean: It's true that it's not better than the previous one while so many fans claimed..."

"You know what? Let's continue with Matt Kennedy" Lois said.

"Ah...actually, my question is about that movie too" Matt replied.

"Mine too" the rest (except Eddie) said.

"NOBODY ELSE CARES ABOUT MY DAUGHTER?" Lois asked very angry.

"I do" Quagmire answered.

"Shut up, Glenn" Lois ordered him "And if you ever touch her, I'll cut your thing off and give it to Brian to eat"

"Yes, ma'am" Quagmire agreed.

"Mr. Griffin told us to write our review about that movie too" Amy replied "He never told us about Meg's situation"

"I thought it wasn't necessary telling them if they received the news from Mr. Griffin" Eddie explained.

"I'm really gonna kick his ass..." Lois muttered "Anyway, it's my turn..."

"Don't even bother, Mom" Meg said coldly "It's pretty obvious that nobody gives a damn about me. Now, if you excuse me: I'll go back to my room..."

"WAIT!" Eddie called her "Meg, I want to tell you something and I'll never leave you alone until you hear every word I say"

"Eddie, get out of my..."

"**EVER!**" Eddie added on his dragon face.

"Okay, I'll listen to you!" Meg agreed scared.

"Thanks" Eddie thanked clearing throats "Meg: maybe you didn't remember me when you met me in my first day of James Woods High School. But I did remember you: you still have the same cute face when you were a child"

"Really?" Meg asked "You think my face is cute?"

"Yes, your face is like your mother's, but a little round" Helena answered.

"I...never realized that..." Lois said.

"I was afraid you recognize me as the evil kid who tormented you in your childhood" Eddie said "I was afraid to tell you the truth, because you're a good girl...and a wonderful friend"

"How could I be your friend?" Meg asked "I wasn't there to vote for your fate. If I had been there..."

"Meg, It wasn't your fault of Eddie's punishment" Helena interrupted her "He had to face the consequences of his acts early or late"

"Besides: nobody forced you to come when they asked for your presence" Lois added.

"The point is: I'd never hate you" Eddie said "You're cute, gentle, you have a great personality and I like hanging out with you"

"Do you mean it?" Meg asked with a half smile.

"There's more, and I'm ready to say it to you" Eddie said "Megan Griffin...I-"

Suddenly, somebody knocked the door.

"It must be your father, I'll give him a piece of my mind" Lois said as she went to the door and opened it "Peter Griffin, I'm very disa- Wait, who the hell are you?"

It was Sarah Stone.

"Hi, is Meg Griffin here?" Sarah asked "I'm Sarah, one of her friends"

"Wait, I've never seen you before" Meg said.

"But I did..." Eddie said with a very serious tone.

"EDDIE!" Sarah cheered "It's been a long time, little brother!"

"Little brother?" Meg asked.

"She's not my sister, but the girl I told you" Eddie answered whispering in the ear "The girl who set me up, she and the other girls"

"Would you like to talk in private, little brother?" Sarah asked.

"Yes...let's go outside" Eddie answered.

He, Meg and Sarah went outside to talk in private.

"How did you find my house?" Meg asked.

"I met three James Woods High School students, one of them was a blondie with big red lips" Sarah answered "She told me everything about you, of course I had to...make her spill the beans"

**Flashback**

Connie and her friends were in the hospital; they were bandaged like mummies, except their face were showing and they were groaning of pain.

**Flashback's end**

"How did you know they were James Woods High School students?" Meg asked.

"I'm my father's daughter" Sarah answered "If he could find almost every single girl Eddie abused, I could find information about all Quahog's schools...including students"

"What do you want from me?" Meg asked.

"Nothing, I wanted to ask you where Eddie is" Sarah answered "But that won't be necessary"

"Well, here I am, what do you want?" Eddie asked.

"You, my dear little brother" Sarah answered wrapping Eddie with her arms to seduce him "I missed you so much, but now I'm free...and I'd like to be your girlfriend instead your big sister"

"You're NOT my sister, so stop calling me 'little brother'!" Eddie said "You betrayed and set me up!"

"It wasn't personal...you see" Sarah said starting to explain her story.

**Flashback**

A 15 years old Sarah was in her father's office.

"Daddy, I know you have a problems with a little boy...Eddie Walker, right?" Sarah asked.

"Yes, dear" Warden Stone "They told me that this is his second Penitentiary and warned me about his savage behavior...he's ruining my own prison for teenage girls"

"I'd like to sell him out...to you" Sarah said.

"What did you say?" Warden Stome asked.

"Put me in your 'prison' as a criminal girl and put me in the same jail with him" Sarah said "I have a plan to make you torture him...but, that will cost you a fortune"

"How much?" Warden Stone asked.

"$40,000" Sarah answered.

"$10,000 and no more" Warden Stone replied.

"Well, good luck looking for another person" Sarah said leaving the office.

"No, wait!" Warden Stone told her "$30,000!"

"Deal" Sarah agreed "Trust me, he's worth it"

"I'm sure he is" Warden Stone said "I'll send you to the minimum security section..."

"No, I can't execute my plan if I'm not near Eddie!" Sarah said.

"Okay, okay...I'll put you in maximum security section" Warden Stone said "But you better make sure your plan is good"

"I promise, Daddy" Sarah said as she left the office with an evil smile.

**Flashback's end**

"You sold him?" Meg asked angrily.

"Hey, I needed that money for my abotion" Sarah answered "My ex dumped me after he knocked me up and I didn't want a little bastard ruining my figure"

"You're a dispicable bitch..." Eddie insulted her with hatred.

"But, I didn't waste the advantages of my pregnancy when I was with Eddie in prison" Sarah said "Do you know that a pregnant woman can't get pregnant again if she has sex during her pregnancy?"

"Yes, but what does that suppose to mean?" Meg asked.

"Oh, so you didn't tell her that you're not longer a virgin?" Sarah asked.

"Wow, wait, if you didn't know, I'm still a virgin" Eddie answered "And I'm not ashamed of it"

"Are you sure?" Sarah asked taking out some photos from her purse giving them to him "Because the photos tell the opposite"

Eddie looked at the photos: it was him when he was 12 and Sarah partially naked having sex, Eddie was unconcious. There were more photos of him with a different girl and he was always unconcious.

"No, no, no, no...this is impossible" Eddie said taking a look at the photos over and over again.

"The glass of water you drank every night had ruffies, better known as date rape drug" Sarah said.

"Are you sure your father wasn't Mr. Quagmire?" Meg asked.

"That was rape, rape, you and your slutty friends committed rape to me!" Eddie said "That's right, you girls are a bunch of slutty RAPISTS!"

"Oh, relax, Jodie Foster's character from _Accused_" Sarah said "You were 12 and your penis wasn't even hard. All my friends complained about that"

"I'd like my FIST to be hard right now, so I can PUNCH you in your face!" Eddie said angrily "And rape-related jokes are the worst"

"Wait, what about your promise of never hitting a girl again?" Sarah asked.

"You're not a girl, you're a god damn bitch" Eddie answered.

"But you'll be MY boyfriend" Sarah said dancing very close to him like a stripper "Because, I'm sexually attracted to you"

"You should date with my neighbor" Meg said "You guys have a lot in common"

"Shut up, sandwich nose!" Sarah told her "If you wanna see your..."

"Seriously, 'sandwich nose', that's the best insult you got?" Meg asked interrupting her "I've been called 'ugly cow', 'guy', 'fat whale', but 'sandwich nose'?"

"Let me finish: if you wanna see your dad alive, you'll break up with your boyfriend Eddie, so he can be with me" Sarah said.

"For last time: Eddie is not my- wait, my dad?" Meg asked.

"I met him in the mall, he accidentally hit on me and...he stared at my sexiness" Sarah answered "He told me his name, his family and everything. I offered him a 'special massage' for $5 and...I knocked him out"

"You WHAT?" Meg asked.

"He's in an abandoned gym, you wanna see him? Eddie has to date me" Sarah answered.

"Hell will freeze before we become a couple!" Eddie said.

"What you're gonna do?" Sarah asked.

"I'll fight you" Eddie answered "If I win, you'll set Mr. Griffin free"

"Good, sounds good" Sarah said "But if I win, you'll be my sex slave. Deal?"

"Eddie, please don't accept it" Meg said "I'm sure my dad will be out of this somehow..."

"Deal" Eddie agreed.

"I'll be waiting you, little brother" Sarah said as she leaves.

"Why the hell did you accept it?" Meg asked.

"I'm mad at her, she's on the top of my blacklist, she's worse than my father" Eddie answered "I'm gonna make her pay for what she did to us"

"My dad already had been in worse situations" Meg said "He always find the way to..."

"What if he's not so lucky this time?" Eddie asked interrupting her "He doesn't know anything about Sarah, I'm the only one who can stop her"

"I'm coming with you" Meg said.

"Forget it, stay here with your family" Eddie replied "I'll come back with your dad, I promise"

He left Meg to go after Sarah.

"Eddie, Wait!" Meg tried to call him "Grrr, he's more stubborn than Neil!"

**Cutaway**

Neil was in San Diego 2012 Comic-Con, he's wearing medieval clothes.

"I can't believe I'm gonna meet Peter Dinklage from Game of Thrones!" Neil said as he saw the very long line "I did NOT crossed the country in vain" he took out his sword and slashed a lot of fans on his way.

But it was actually a dream, he missed his chance to meet Peter Dinklage.

"Oh, darn it!" Neil cursed "I hope it's not too late to watch the trailer of _Arrow_ **(A/E: a new TV Series based on the DC Comics superhero: Green Arrow)**"

**Cutaway's end**

In an abandoned GYM, Sarah was in a boxing ring. She's wearing a purple sport bra, black shorts and black MMA gloves. Peter was tied to a chair.

"Hey, Sarah!" Peter called him "Are you gonna give me the 'special massage' or not? Because, I'm starting to suspect that this is a kind of kidnapping or something like that"

"Shut up, fatass!" Sarah demanded him "God, this city is full of stupid people"

**(A/E: You have no idea)**

Suddenly; somebody opened the doors to enter: it was Eddie, he's wearing a red headband, shirtless, black shorts and black MMA gloves.

"Did I take too long, Stone?" Eddie asked.

"Just in time, Walker" Sarah answered "You didn't forget our deal, did you?"

"If I win, you'll let Meg's dad go" Eddie answered.

"But if you lose, you'll be my sex slave" Sarah added in a fighting stance"And I'm warning you: I've been training every day"

"Me too..." Eddie said also in a fighting stance.

"Any question before we start?" Sarah asked.

"Just one: why are you calling me 'little brother'?" Eddie asked.

"That's something personal and I'll never tell you" Sarah answered.

They both stared at each other for a few seconds and after these few seconds, the fight began. Eddie was the first to strike, Sarah blocked the hit with her arms. He continued hitting and kicking her while she's blocking them.

"Not bad, but I can keep blocking your punches and kicks all the time" Sarah said.

"Don't overestimate your defenses" Eddie said "If you overuse them, you'll be expose to offensive attacks"

"I don't need your fighting lessons!" Sarah said as she grabbed one of Eddie's fists and gave him a push with the knee in the stomach and gave him a punching combo to show her offensive skills while Eddie tried to block all the punches he can "Your defense sucks!'

"It's better than yours" Eddie replied as he kicked her in the chest.

"Hate to admit it, but you're not bad at all" Sarah said.

"And I'm just heating up" Eddie replied

They continued fighting as the camera spins around focusing the combat between both former juvenile prisoners.

"God, I'm feeling dizzy by the spinning camera" Peter complained.

**(A/E: You're tied to a chair...! Urg, never mind, you're a fat piece of sh*t)**

"I'm telling your mom!" Peter warned.

**(A/E: Dumbass, she doesn't know what I'm writting)**

"Damn it!" Peter cursed.

While Peter and me were discussing; the fight between Eddie and Sarah was already in the climax, Sarah wasn't damaged so much, but Eddie was already tired.

"What's the matter? You look already weak" Sarah said.

"I...won't...give up" Eddie replied.

"You FOOL!" Sarah said kicking his jaw "All this training for nothing!" she kicks him "It's over...it's ALL OVER FOR YOU!" she kicks him harder.

Eddie received the kicks as he remembered something from his childhood.

**Flashback**

A 7 years old shy Eddie was with his father (his face is not showing).

"Come on, hit me" Eddie's father ordered "Come on, hit me!"

"I don't want to..." kid Eddie replied.

"You'll never be a man, if you don't start hitting me!" Eddie's father said as he punched him in the stomach "You're a coward...you disgrace your grandfather's memory with your cowardice!"

**Flashback's end**

Eddie was about to give up until...

_EDDIE!_

Eddie looked at the owner's voice: it was Meg.

"Don't give up!" Meg said.

"Meg?" Eddie asked.

Then he realized that she didn't come alone: Amy, Chris, Helena, Jeanette, Matt, Katie, Lois, Brian and Stewie were all here.

"Come on, big bro!" Amy cheered wearing her cheerleading uniform.

"Kick her ass!" Chris cheered.

"You're the strongest guy I know!" Matt said.

"Strong as a horse!" Katie added.

"Say something, Stewie" Brian said.

"Why? I don't like him...although he has nice hips" Stewie commented.

"A great student can surpass his own master!" Jeanette said.

"We ALL believe in you, Edward" Helena said.

"Guys..." Eddie whispered.

"YOU, Believe in HIM?" Sarah asked arrogantly "Don't make me laugh, he's weak, he always was weak and he'll always be weak!"

"I...can't fight anymore..." Eddie whispered.

_Get up, Wimpy Walker!_

He heard another voice, he looked around and it was Matthew Ryder.

"Since when you give up so easily?" Matthew asked "The Eddie Walker I know fights until he's satisfied, NOT his opponent"

"Matthew..." Eddie whispered.

"Get up and finish her once and for all!" Matthew demanded.

"Everybody...is on my side" Eddie said getting up "Stone!"

"Oh, you still want more?" Sarah asked.

"I won't lose...not to you!" Eddie answered "I'm gonna win for sure!"

"Then prepare to meet your death...little brother!" Sarah said as she went to give him a powerful punch.

Eddie dodged the punch, he gave her a double punch and a powerful kick in the jaw making her lose a tooth. She fell down like in _Street Fighter_...she was defeated.

"I did it...I won" Eddie said.

Everybody cheered by Eddie's victory, Meg went to the ring and gave him a big hug.

"You saved my dad, thank you so much!" Meg said.

"Thanks to you...and everyone for giving me the will to keep fighting" Eddie replied.

"Eddie, I want to tell you something" Meg said "Something I wanted to tell you since the first time I saw you..."

"Tell me..." Eddie told him.

"I love you, Edward Walker" Meg said "I love you SO much..."

Meg passionately kissed him and suddenly Eddie felt Meg's kiss SO powerful that he imagined several famous kiss scenes from the movies: Rhett Butler (Clark Gable) and Scarlett O'Hara (Vivien Leigh) from _Gone with the Wind_, Thomas J. Sennett (Macauley Culkin) and Vada Sultenfuss (Anna Chlumsky) from _My Girl_, Sam Baker (Molly Ringwald) and Jake Ryan (Michael Schoeffling) from _Sixteen Candles_, Edward Lewis (Richard Gere) and Vivian (Julia Roberts) from _Pretty Woman_, Lady and the Tramp, Sam Wheat (Patrick Swayze) and Molly Jensen (Demi Moore) from _Ghost_, Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford) and Marion Ravenwood (Karen Allen) from _Raiders of the Lost Ark_, Peter Parker/Spider-Man (Tobey Maguire) and Mary Jane Watson (Kirsten Dunst) from _Spider-Man_ (My favorite one), Ennis del Mar (Heath Ledger) and Jack Twist (Jake Gyllenhaal) from _Brokeback Mountain_, WALL-E and EVE from _WALL-E_, Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher) and Han Solo (Harrison Ford) from _Star Wars Episode V: the Empire Strikes Back_, Padmé Amidala (Natalie Portman) and Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen) from _Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones_, Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) from _Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End_, Nyota Uhura (Zoe Saldaña) and Spock (Zachary Quinto) from _Star Trek_, Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) and Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) from _Twilight_, Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliffe) and Ginny Weasley (Bonnie Wright) from _Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince_, Jake Sully (Sam Worthington) and Neytiri (Zoe Saldaña) from _Avatar_, Rapunzel and Flynn Ryder from _Tangled_, Nina Sayers (Natalie Portman) and Lily (Mila Kunis) from _Black Swan_, Thor (Chris Hemsworth) and Jane Foster (Natalie Portman) from _Thor_, Steve Rogers/Captain America (Chris Evans) and Peggy Carter (Hayley Atwell) from _Captain America: the First Avenger_ and Ron Weasley (Rupert Grint) and Hermione Granger (Emma Watson) from _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 2_.

**(A/E: There's still SO MANY movies with famous kiss scenes, but I don't want to prolongue this list)**

Meg stopped kissing Eddie and not words couldn't describe Eddie's happiness.

"That was exactly what I wanted to tell you" Eddie said "I love you too, Megan Griffin"

"So...are we already boyfriend and girlfriend?" Meg asked.

"Absolutely" Eddie answered.

"YEAH!" Amy cheered "My brother and Meg are now boyfriend and girlfriend!"

Everybody cheered by that, they've been waiting for this moment after all.

"I have another brother!" Chris cheered.

"It's about time" Brian said.

"I'll give them a month" Stewie replied.

"Douche" Brian insulted him.

"I'm jealous at Eddie for having such a cute girlfriend" Matt said.

"The horse got her cowboy" Katie said.

"Congratulations, son..." Helena whispered.

"Aren't you proud of your little girl, Peter?" Lois asked.

"Yeah, I guess Meg wasn't a loser at all" Peter answered "Now GET ME OFF OF THAT CHAIR!"

"Oh, okay" Lois agreed.

**One week later...**

Eddie had Meg (her eyes were bandaged) walking to a dark place.

"Where are we going?" Meg asked.

"It's a surprise, honey" Eddie answered "Here we are, you can take off your bandage"

Meg did it and the the lights turned on revealing a big party in the Pewterschmidt mansion with all the family, friends and known characters from the actual show.

"SURPRISE!" everybody cheered.

"Oh my god, it isn't a dream?" Meg asked totally excited.

"It's 100% REAL!" Amy answered "We invited everyone!"

"Even your worst enemies" Chris added.

"Wait, did you invite Connie and her bitching friends?" Meg asked outraged.

"Let's just say I gave them the wrong address" Chris answered.

**Flashback**

Connie and her friends (they're wearing bandages in random parts of their bodies and Connie uses crutches) wearing formal dresses in the wrong place.

"Are you sure this is the right address?" Gina asked.

"We're here to ruin Griffin's party, I have no time to check the address twice" Connie answered "Let's go"

They came in just to realize that this was the abandoned ice factory.

"It's that a kind of joke?" Gina asked.

"Where are you, Griffin?" Connie asked.

Suddenly they were showered with rotten seafood carcase.

"AAAAAHHHH!" the girls screamed.

"Now we stink!" Connie's black haired friend said.

"This was obviously a trap!" Gina said.

"At least this couldn't be any worse" Connie replied.

Matt and Zack were the guys who threw the rotten seafood carcase.

"Wow, you weren't kidding when you told me you wanted to do something nice for Meg" Matt said "But I never expected that"

"Yes, my days of being the biggest jerk are over" Zack replied "Hey, you wanna help me with the bucket of dog's excrement?"

"Isn't it too much?" Matt asked.

"If it's Meg's worst enemy, nothing it's too much" Zack answered as he threw the dog's excrement to them.

EEEEEWWWW!

**Flashback's end**

"Why did you do this to her?" Eddie asked.

"Because she's the biggest bitch in THE UNIVERSE!" Dan **(A/E: from the American Dad's episode A Ward Show)** said.

"I thought it was your wife" Chris said.

"Yeah, that too" Dan replied.

Later, everybody were singing 'Happy Birthday' as Meg had a giant white cake with a big number 18 in front of her.

_Happy Birthday to you_

_Happy Birthday to you_

_Happy Birthday, Meg Griffin..._

_Happy Birthday to you_

Meg blew the candles and everybody clapped.

"This is definetely the best birthday I ever had" Meg said.

"Presents time!" Amy cheered.

"Oh, open mine!" Peter said as he claps to call his friends carrying a giant beer fountain "Meg, you're officially an adult. So here's this giant beer fountain"

"Peter, that's until she's 21" Lois said.

"Damn it, now what I'm gonna do with this incredibly awesome gift?" Peter asked.

"You can have it, dad" Meg answered.

"YEAH!" Peter cheered as he stripped off all his clothes and got into the beer fountain "Who wants to swim with me?"

"Oh well, he kept his promise on giving Meg a good party" Lois said as she stripped off her clothes too and got into the beer fountain with Peter to make out with him...making everyone to leave them in private.

"Hey, Eddie!" Quagmire called "Seeing Meg's parents naked in that fountain doesn't give you ideas for you and Meg?"

"What are you talking about?" Eddie asked.

"Yeah, me and Eddie have a slow and simple relationship" Meg answered.

**Later...**

They ended up naked in bed together.

"Happy birthday, dear..." Eddie said.

"Yup, slow and simple" Meg replied

**FAMILY GUY: OC UNIVERSE**

**Created by**: aldovas

**Written by**: aldovas and A Lazy Heroine

**Edited by**: loessar

Based on the TV Series created by Seth MacFarlane

Based on characters of 'Meg and Eddie' and 'Chris's Girlfriend' by aldovas

Based on characters of 'Meg's Boyfriend' by Malcolm Fox

Based on characters of 'Spellbook' by Ander Arias

Based on characters of 'Tale of a Valkyrie' by Bhaalspawn

**(A/E: The next credits are the actors and actresses that I'D like to voice the characters IF this would be in the actual show. Just for fun)**

_Mila Kunis_ (Meg Griffin)

_Haley Joel Osment_ (Eddie Walker)

_Emily Osment_ (Amy Walker)

_Seth Green_ (Chris Griffin and Neil Goldman)

_Seth MacFarlane_ (Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin and Glenn Quagmire)

_Alex Bornstein_ (Lois Griffin)

_Patrick Warburton_ (Joe Swanson)

_Drew Barrymore_ (Jillian Russell)

_Lisa Wilhoit_ (Connie D'Amico)

_Jesse Eisenberg_ (Matt Kennedy)

_Mae Whitman_ (Sophie Kennedy)

_Kristen Schaal_ (Katie Rose)

_Dennis Quaid_ (Sam Rose)

_Jerry Trainor_ (Jackie Bender)

_Bradley Cooper_ (Zack Murdock)

_Hayden Christensen_ (Matthew Ryder)

_Roger Craig Smith_ (Nathan Green)

_Zach Galifianakis_ (Adam, Helena's model photographer)

_Liv Tyler_ (Lori, Helena's assistant and designer)

_Megan Fox_ (Sarah Stone)

With _Kate Winslet_ (Helena Walker)

_And Jodie Foster_ (Jeneatte Adams)

Special Thanks Goes to...

_loessar_

_A Lazy Heroine_

_Aldamonburst_

_supersexyghotmew95_

_Big G-Man_

_The superior man_

_Guest_

_Brian's Wingman_

_MagicFareeha_

After Credits Scene:

Far away from Quahog; there was a man carrying his equipment in a sack. He was wearing a white shirt, military pants and brown boots. He looks like Eddie, but older with light gray faded streaks in his hair's sides (like Mr. Fantastic), a more muscular figure, a couple of scars (one on his cheek and two other on his left arm).

"This must be Quahog..." The man said (He's voiced by Mark Wahlberg).

**(A/E: I've been thinking about _Family Guy_...it's not a bad show, it has its defaults, but it's a very good show in general (the animation is the best without doubt in my opinion). I heard that there fans that they like the show before and others that like as it is currently. Well, I decided not taking sides...I like the show just the way it is. And nobody knows, maybe the writers and the creator make the most epic episode of all somewhere in the future. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this first season. Good bye!)**


	13. The Spy Who Was My Friend

**Chapter 13: The Spy Who Was My Friend**

**(A/E: This chapter is a parody of 007. I'm not really a James Bond fan, but I've seen at least three films and I played GoldenEye for N64 when I was a kid. So be nice with me)**

The whole scene was in black and white (like a noir-film); there were a man and a woman in an office.

"Don't pretend that you're here without reason" the man with an English accent said.

"If I hadn't, I wouldn't be here..." the woman (her face isn't showing) replied with a familiar voice.

"Then tell me why you're here" the man told.

"You have something that I need" the woman said "You must give it to me"

"What if I say 'no'?" the man asked.

"Maybe you don't know me" the woman answered "But I do know you: David Pettigrew, one of Dr. Lune Noire's henchmen"

"You must have a sixth sense for people's names" David praised.

"Mainly men and I'm proud to say that I've made love with every man I met in my life...except the first one and that was because I was a little girl" the woman explained "Then I went through to a marriage that started nice...but it ended up a disaster"

"Interesting story, unfortunately that's not an excuse for this" David said taking out his handgun, but the woman kicked the gun out of his hand.

David tried to punch her, but the woman grabbed him and threw him against a bookshelf making all the books fall down on him. The woman looked for the item she needed in the desk drawers and found a card in blank.

"Is this some kind of trick?" the woman asked.

"The card tells something beyond what you see..." David answered sore "You will never find out.

The woman's face was revealed...it was Helena Walker.

"Thank you for your consideration" Helena thanked "If you excuse me, I have to go back to America for a Halloween Party"

David grabbed his gun to shoot her. But Helena shot first with her gun. It starts a 007-like opening sequence (I used 'You Know my Name' from _Casino Royale_, because I LOVE that intro. I wanted to use 'Die Another Day' by Madonna, but I felt it like a stripclub song).

**Family Guy Fanfics present**

**Helena Walker**

**aldovas's Dawn Star 777 in**

**The Spy Who Was My Friend**

**starring:**_ Peter Griffin_

_If you take a life do you know what you'll give?_

_Odds are you won't like what it is_

_When the storm arrives would you be seen with me_

_By the merciless eyes of deceit?_

_Miss Tokencoin_

_I've seen angels fall from blinding heights_

_But you yourself are nothing so divine_

_Just next in line_

'_A'_

_With Peter Dinklage as 'D'_

_Arm yourself because no one else here will save you_

_The odds will betray you and I will replace you_

_You can't deny the prize it may never fulfill you_

_It longs to kill you, are you willin' to die?_

_The coldest blood runs through my veins_

_You know my name_

And "?" as Dr. Lune Noire

_(You know my name)_

_You know my name_

_(You know my name)_

_You know my name_

_You know my name_

_You know my name_

Back in America; in the Griffin house, everybody was getting ready for the Halloween Party. Peter (dressed like Hulk) and Lois (dressed like Black Widow) were waiting for their children and Brian.

"Kids, the party is in 15 minutes!" Lois said.

Chris (dressed like Thor), Stewie (dressed like Iron Man) and Brian (dressed like Captain America) came downstairs.

"I am the God of Thunder!" Chris exclaimed with a sucky European accent.

"Wow, Stewie, your Iron Man costume seems realistic" Brian commented.

"Because I made it MYSELF" Stewie replied with a robotic voice "Not like that one of cardboard that Lois made"

"This is perfect, we just need Hawkeye to complete the Avengers team" Peter said "Are you ready Meg?"

"I'm ready!" Meg (dressed like Katniss Everdeen) said carrying her bow and her quiver full of arrows.

"Whoa, wait, what the hell happened to your Hawkeye costume?" Peter asked.

"I'm not a guy, besides: Katniss is an archer too" Meg answered.

"Why you just didn't dress like Phyllis from _the Office_" Peter asked.

"I DON'T look like Phyllis from _the Office_!" Meg answered clearly offended.

**Flashback**

Meg is showed dressed like Phyllis.

"Seriously, I don't look like Phyllis from _the Office_" Meg said.

Connie was watching the show.

"And that's why I hate that show" Connie commented.

**Flashback's end**

"Besides, your costume is wrong" Chris commented "Katniss's shirt is black and you're wearing a GREEN one"

"That's the Katniss Everdeen from the MOVIE" Meg corrected "I'm the Katniss Everdeen from the BOOK, dumbass"

"I hate reading" Chris replied.

The doorbell rang, Lois opened it and it was Joe (dressed like Robocop) and Quagmire (wearing no disguise).

"Hey, guys!" Lois greeted "Happy Halloween"

"Hi Lois, Bonnie couldn't come in, because Halloween scares Susie" Joe said.

"That's okay; Glenn, why you're not wearing a disguise?" Lois asked.

"This is my disguise: I'm Johnny Depp from Rango" Quagmire answered.

"He couldn't find a disguise actually" Joe said.

"Come in" Lois said letting them come and closed the door.

"Hey guys!" Peter greeted "You look great in your Rango and R2-D2 costume"

"Thanks!" Quagmire thanked.

"Peter, I'm not R2-D2, I'm Robocop" Joe corrected.

"Are you sure? Because with that wheelchair, you look like R2-D2...or WALL-E...or R.O.B. from _Super Smash Bros. Brawl_" Peter explained.

"OKAY, I GET IT!" Joe yelled.

The doorbell rang again and Lois opened again just to find Spider-Man and Rapunzel from _Tangled_.

"Who are you?" Lois asked.

"***laughing*** I told you, she didn't recognized us!" Amy answered.

"Yeah, we really got her" Eddie replied taking off his mask revealing a shorter and spikey hairstyle.

"Oh my god, did you just cut off your hair?" Meg asked.

"Yes, do you like it, dear?" Eddie asked.

"I love it" Meg answered kissing him.

"You, beautiful woman, look gorgeous with that hair" Chris said still speaking with that sucky accent.

"Thanks, it's my OWN hair, I let it grow" Amy replied.

"Hey, where's Hele-" Peter asked as Helena appeared behind of him.

"Good night, my old friend" Helena (dressed like Catwoman) greeted.

"Wow, you look smoking HOT in that skimpy black suit!" Peter commented.

"Hey, you didn't tell me what you think about my costume" Lois said offended.

"Lois, I'm talking with my friend, please don't interrupt me" Peter said.

The doorbell rang again; this time Meg opened the door and it was Matt (dressed like Megaman), Sophie (dressed like Roll) and Zack (dressed like Super Saiyan Goku).

"Hey guys!" Meg greeted "Hi, Sophie. You look cute!'

"Cute? Matt, you told me Roll is cool!" Sophie complained.

"No, I said 'cute'" Matt said "Besides: Roll can do a lot of things"

"Like what?" Sophie asked.

"Ah...cleaning?" Matt answered nervously.

"Anyway, where's Katie?" Meg asked.

"Her family is very religious and they don't celebrate Halloween" Matt answered.

"But look how awesome I am" Zack "Not like that time I dressed like He-Man"

**Flashback**

Zack Murdock (wearing a He-Man costume) was in the park.

"By the power of Greyskull..." Zack said rising the sword "I HAVE THE POWER!"

"Hey pal, the gay bar is that way" a guy said passing him.

**Flashback's end**

Everybody was having fun at the party; but Helena took out the card in blank.

"Hey, Helena!" Peter said "You're missing the party!"

"I'm sorry, my old friend" Helena apologizes "But I'm not used to showing up to these kind of casual parties. Mostly I show up to formal parties to exhibit my outfits"

"You should wear Halley Berry's Catwoman costume" Peter commented.

"My son disliked that movie" Helena said "Peter, how does it feel to be married?"

"It's a pain in the ass, the first years were pretty good, but Lois is more naggy" Peter answered.

"Do you love your children?" Helena asked.

"Why are you asking me so many questions about my marriage and my family?" Peter asked.

"My ex-husband...was a horrible man" Helena answered "I just wanted to know if you were a horrible man too"

"Relax, I'm a cool guy" Peter said "If I wasn't a cool guy, Lois wouldn't marry me"

Peter gave her a friendly palm in the back causing to drop the card she was holding to the fruit punch.

"The card!" Helena exclaimed.

"Oops, sorry, it was something important?" Peter asked.

Suddenly, numbers on the card appeared: 537

"Actually...I should thank you" Helena answered.

"You're welcome, but why?" Peter asked.

"I have to go" Helena answered "Tell my children that it's modelling business. Oh, I make sure Amy doesn't eat a single candy"

She left the house, using the kitchen's window.

"Wait, normal people usually use the door" Peter said "At least...maybe Helena is hiding something. I'm gonna find it out just like Nicholas Cage in that movie"

**Cutaway**

**_National Treasure 3: The Golden Ticket of the Chocolate Bar._**

Nicholas Cage looking at a vending machine.

"I'll press: B...ah...7!" Nicholas Cage said getting a chocoate bar "Finally: the Golden Ticket is all..." but when he opened it "...no, it says 'Try Again'. Okay, I'll do it again...God...what happened to my career?"

**Cutaway's end**

On the streets of the nighty Quahog; Peter followed Helena, but not to the modelling agency building, but to the pier where she took a private yacht. Peter somehow managed to sneak into the yacht without even being noticed. The yacht sailed to some island in the middle of nowhere. When the yacht landed, Helena went into the island and Peter continued following her. She went into an apparently empty cave, she took out a rock on the wall to reveal...a control panel. She pressed the password to make appear an elevator. Peter, with the stupid curiousity in his mind, he just quickly jumped into the elevator, falling down along with Helena.

"AH!" Helena screamed "Peter?"

"Hey, Helena" Peter greeted "Why you never told me you have a secret hideout?"

"You should not follow me" Helena said "This is top secret"

"Friends never have secrets, right?" Peter asked "So, what's all this?"

"***sigh*** Okay, I guess you should know it as you helped me with the card" Helena answered "I'm a secret agent, member of an organization to stop any terrorism all over the world"

"YES! I knew it you were a kind of James Bond woman!" Peter cheered.

"This is not like in the movies, Peter" Helena said "They assigned me a mission to save the world"

"Can I come with you? Saving the world is my all-time dream" Peter said "Well, that and ruiling it like when I was king of the black people"

"Peter, this is a dangerous mission and I cannot risk the life of a..." then she looked at Peter doing puppy eyes "Okay, you can come with me..."

"YEAH!" Peter cheered.

"But you'll do EVERY word I tell you" Helena said "Do you understand?"

"Okay" Peter agreed "God, this is gonna be more awesome than the time I was a Pokémon photographer!"

**Flashback**

Peter was taking photos to a Milotic and a Gardervoir, apparently they're making out.

"Oh yeah, keep going girls" Peter said.

"Actually, that Milotic is a male" Todd **(A/E: From the original anime's first season and _Pokémon Snap!_ God, I miss playing that game...)**

"Damn it, is there NO lesbianism in Pokémon?!" Peter asked.

Then the two Pokémon got pissed; Gardervoir used Psychic on Peter to control him.

"Wait, what are you doing?" Peter asked unable to move.

Milotic used Hydro Pump to send Peter away...Team Rocket style.

"I'M BLASTING OFF AGAIN!" Peter screamed.

**Flashback**

Peter and Helena arrived at the secret base; it had helicopters and submarines. They met the female receptionist.

"Greeting, Ms. Tokencoin" Helena greeted.

"Greeting, Agent 777" Ms. Tokencoin "Chief D is waiting for you"

"***chuckling*** Your name is 'Tokencoin'?" Peter asked "Your parents were Jews with gambling issues?"

"Who are you? You shouldn't be here" Ms. Tokencoin said "And why are you green?"

"I was exposed to Gamma radiation..." Peter said explaining the Bruce Banner character instead of telling her that it's just a costume.

"Gamma radiation?!" Ms. Tokencoin asked pressing a red button that says 'ALARM' to activate it.

Two guards appeared quickly.

"What is going on?" Guard #1 asked.

"This man has been exposed with Gamma Radiation" Ms. Tokencoin "He must be decontaminated"

"Roger" Guard #2 replied taking Peter away.

"Wait, what are gonna do to me?!" Peter asked being taken away.

"He's not...never mind, may I come to 'D' office?" Helena asked.

"Yes, come on in" Ms. Tokencoin said pressing a button to open the giant door.

Helena was in her boss's office: he has sharks as pets, medals, diplomas and even portraits of his best agents, including Helena.

"I'm here, chief" Helena said.

"So good to see you, Agent 777" 'D' said turning around his chair to see her: he's a ginger haired dwarf man about his late forties "What do you have to stop Dr. Lune Noire?

"A clue that one of his henchmen had" Helena answered showing the card "A card with the numbers: 537"

"This is interesting..." 'D' commented "This Dr. Noire has a lot of imagination. Something that I'm lack of it"

Suddenly, Peter (without being green and wearing a medical coat) enters the office.

"God, why they didn't understand that it was just a costume?!" Peter asked complaining.

"Agent, are you familiar with this man?" 'D' asked.

"This is my friend: Peter Griffin" Helena answered "He wants to help me in my mission"

"Who's that guy, your chief?" Peter asked.

"Sir, this is a secret agency, any common citizen has off-limits to this place" 'D' said.

"At least I'm not a midget like you..." Peter insulted him as he slaps him in the face "Hey!"

"Keep talking, fattie, I can slap you again" 'D' said.

"How dare you, you little elf...?" he got slapped again "Cut it off, Frodo!" he got slapped twice again "***Homer-like voice*** WHY, YOU LITTLE-!"

"Peter, just be quiet" Helena said "And give him an apology"

"Sorry, Mr. Helena's boss" Peter apologizes annoyed.

"You know what? You have balls, fattie" 'D' said "You can come with the Agent 777 in her mission"

"That's me" Helena said.

"But first you need a quick gadget lessons" 'D' said "Agent, take him to 'A's laboratory"

"Yes, sir" Helena agreed "Come on, Peter"

"He slaps at anyone?" Peter asked.

"Only the ones who make fun of his size" Helena answered.

They took another elevator to the gadgets laboratory. A scientist was waiting for her, it was...ADAM, Helena's protographer.

"Hey, Ms. Star" Adam greeted.

"Wait, isn't Adam your photographer in the modelling agency?" Peter asked.

"He's also one of the greatest inventors we have" Helena answered "He made all the gadgets I need for my most dangerous missions"

"Yeah, if my parents were here, they'd be dead of envy" Adam said.

"What do you have, 'A'?" Helena asked.

"We have...this bulletpoof bustier" Adam said showing a light-metal bustier "It also grows your breasts the double of their normal size, useful to distract some guards"

"Oh my god, you're REALLY the greatest inventors of all time!" Peter said.

"Thanks, finally somebody notices it" Adam said.

"If Helena no longer uses it, can I keep it for my wife?" Peter asked.

"Are you crazy? I made it with the EXACT size and meassure for Ms. Star" Adam exclaimed "It'll lose its properties if somebody else wears it!"

"That sucks..." Peter complained.

"Thanks, 'A'" Helena said taking the bustier "It will be useful"

"I also have this laser pen" Adam said holding a pen.

"Let me see it" Peter said taking the pen and he accidentally shoots a laser that broke Adam's belt to make his pants falling down. He wears pink boxers "Why pink?"

"A red sock in my white clothes" Adam answered.

"***laughing*** classic!" Peter commented.

Next morning; Lois was sleeping in the bed until she woke up and she found the unused side of the bed.

"Peter?" Lois asked as she started looking for everywhere "Peter?" she look at the kitchen "Peter?" she looked at the basement "Peter?" she even looked at the attic "Peter?!"

"Good morning, Lois" Brian greeted "What's going on?"

"Brian, I can't find Peter!" Lois said "He never slept with me last night"

"That's weird, he ALWAYS sleep with you every night" Brian said.

"When was the last time you saw him?" Lois asked.

"I can't remember, I just remember that I choked by an apple and Stewie laughed at me and took me photos"

"We must ask our neighbors and the Walkers if they know about him" Lois said "I hope Peter is not lost in New Jersey again"

**Flashback**

Peter was in a party with the cast of _Jersey Shore_.

"So, you guys are Italian-Americans that do parties and get into fights all time?" Peter asked.

"Yup, bro!'" Mike 'The Situation' answered.

"Paulie D, I don't feel well" Sammy 'Sweetheart' said "Take me home"

"Hell no, I don't wanna leave this party!" Paulie D said.

"I said take me home!" Sammy 'Sweetheart' yelled at him as they got into a fight.

"Aren't you guys gonna do something?" Peter asked.

"Nah, this is fun" Snookie answered.

**Flashback's end**

Meanwhile; Peter (wearing his normal clothes for unknown reasons) and Helena (wearing her agency black lycra jumpsuit) were in a jet of the agency.

"So, how are we gonna stop this Dr. Looney Toons?" Peter asked.

"It's Lune Noire, Peter" Helena corrected "And first we need to find his location. I investigated carefully this number: 537 and I found out that it's the number of paintings that Louvre Museum has"

"Interesting...can you take off your bra?" Peter asked.

"We need disguises to look like French people" Helena answered "Luckily, in this jet I have a whole wardrobe for both men and women"

They were already in Paris visiting the Museum; Helena is wearing a blue scarf, red designer coat, black pants and red heels. And Peter is wearing a red beret, black-white stripe turtleneck sweater, black pants and black shoes.

"I look stupid" Peter complained.

"Actually, you look kind of comely" Helena said.

"Well, I'd prefer to eat snails than wearing this outfit" Peter replied.

"Okay, we're here" Helena said "Now we need to see how to get the next clue to find the Dr. Lune Noire's location"

"We could steal them all" Peter said.

"That won't be necessary, I have this camera that lets me take photos of the paintings" Helena said taking out her camera and began taking photos.

"Okay, if you need me, I'll get some REAL french fries" Peter said going out.

Meanwhile, back in Quahog; all the neighbors and the Walkers were reunited to look for Peter. They were making 'Lost' cartels, even Jackie ans Jillian were helping.

"Done!" Jackie exclaimed showing an authentic picture of Peter.

"Wow, it looks great" Lois praised.

"I told you, my cousin is an artist" Eddie said.

"I can be an artist too!" Jillian said showing the picture she did (off screen).

"Wait, why his eyes are bigger than usual?" Meg asked.

"They're his glasses" Jillian answered.

"And why did you put his testicles on his face?" Chris asked.

"It's his chin, right?" Jillian asked.

"Actually, why he looks like an ELEPHANT wearing a TUTU?" Lois asked.

"It's because he's one of the elephants from my favorite Disney movie: _Fantasia_" Jillian said.

"Jillian, first: they're hippos, not elephants" Brian corrected "Second: you already know Peter, he's not an elephant"

"So...I did it wrong?" Jillian asked getting sad.

"No, Jilly-Bean" Jackie answered "I think you have imagination"

"Aw...thanks" Jillian thanked.

"Okay, we'll copy this picture and paste the cartels everywhere" Lois said.

"OKAY!" Everybody replied.

"Still, your drawing of Dad is better than mine" Chris said showing the drawing of Peter as King Kong while planes attack him.

Back in Paris; Helena finished taking photos.

"I hope I took every picture of the paintings" Helena said "I wonder where Peter went"

"Damn it, I've been looking for REAL french fries and I only got regular french fries" Peter said disappointed.

"Peter, I have every painting's photograph of the museum" Helena.

"Now what?" Peter asked.

"My camera has X-rays that allows me to reveal clues" Helena said.

Inside of Helena's camera, it's showing every painting with a blue spot.

"I always wondered why Leonardo DiCaprio painted a not so attractive chick" Peter replied.

"It's DaVinci, Peter" Helena corrected "I got it! This is the location of Dr. Lune Noire"

"Really, where?" Peter asked.

"Montecarlo" Helena answered showing Peter the combination of blue spots revealing a map of Montecarlo.

They were in a casino in Montecarlo; they dressed formally.

"Wow, this casino looks fabulous" Peter said "How much money are we gonna get?"

"Nothing, we're here to look for Dr. Lune Noire" Helena said.

"We can ask those guys over there" Peter replied pointing at three men at a poker table: two men in gray suits and one muscular man in white suit.

"Their suits look exactly that the man I killed getting that card" Helena said.

"Wow, you killed a man too? Awesome!" Peter praised "I bet your ex-husband was Liam Neeson from _Taken_"

"Just act normal and maybe we can take them information" Helena said going to them "Excuse me, gentlemen" she activated her bustier to make her breasts grow "Can me and my friend take a seat with you?"

"You're good..." the muscular man said as they took a seat.

"My name is Star...Dawn Star" Helena greeted "And this is my friend: Peter Griffin"

"One and the same, gentlemen" Peter said bragging.

"May I take your order, madam?" a waiter asked.

"A martini; stirred, not shaken, more gin than vermouth, two olives and in a cold cocktail glass" Helena ordered "Make it five, for me and my friends"

"Yes, madam" the waiter replied as he leaves for the martinis.

"What make you think we were your friends? The muscular man asked.

"Because, I know where your boss is" Helena answered.

"You're some smart woman" the muscular man praised with a smile "I bet you can play poker"

"Over 50% of the money I earn is gambling" Helena replied "I never lose"

"Let' see what you got" the muscular man said.

**(A/E: You know, I always found poker kinda boring, so here's a commercial)**

**Commercial**

A couple was watching a film of their wedding, but it looks awful.

"Our wedding film looks awful" the woman commented.

"Because of that stupid camera your brother gave us" the man replied.

Suddenly the acclaimed director James Cameron appeared.

"Are you tired of filming god-awful pictures?" James Cameron asked "You can film REAL pictures with the new James Camera"

It shows the James Camera with several cool features.

_The James Camera allows you to film everything around with no mistakes. You can film underwater..._

James Cameron and the couple were in the flooded submarine from _the Abyss_.

"Where's the escape exit?" The woman asked.

_Up in the air..._

He and the couple are now in the air riding Banshees (the flying creatures from _Avatar_).

"I thought only blue people ride those things!" The man screamed.

_Even in space..._

He and the couple are now in Level 426 being attacked by the Xenomorph Queen from _Aliens_.

"Where's Sigourney Weaver when you need her?!" the man asked.

The wedding film looks a lot like _Titanic_ now.

"Now our wedding film looks gorgeous" the woman commented.

"And thanks to the 3D technology, you can see your film like it was real" James Cameron added.

Another Banshee came out of the TV to roar.

"AAAAAHHHH!" The woman screamed.

"I don't remember these creatures on our wedding" the man commented.

_The James Camera; make your life an awesome film._

"Buy it or I'll terminate your ass!" The Terminator said.

**Commercial's end**

"Full house, your money is all mine" Helena said taking all the poker chips she won.

"Impressive, you're ready to meet our boss" the muscular man said.

"It's about time" Helena replied "Peter, stay right here while I take care of some negotiation"

"You were right Helena...this martini kickass!" Peter said clearly drunk.

Helena and the thug guys entered a storage room.

"We can talk in private here" the muscular man said.

"What a curious place to..." Helena said before to be knocked out by one of the thugs.

She slowly awaken in the same place...but her arms and legs were tied to a metal table.

"Well, welll, well...I thought I'd underestimate you" a mysterious voice said "But I guess YOU underestimated US"

"Who are you? "Helena asked "Are you Dr. Lune Noire?"

"Back in America I was called..." Dr. Lune Noire said revealing his true identity "...Mr. Johnathan Weed, a former toy factory president"

"Johnathan Weed?" Helena asked "That's impossible, my friend Peter Griffin once told me that his first boss died years ago"

"Oh yeah, the fatass" Mr. Weed said "I remember him. He was a lazy and incompetent employer. I'm glad I faked my death on his house to humiliate him for last time..."

**Flashback**

During the dinner with the Griffins, Mr. Weed injected himself with a blue liquid.

It was easy just injecting some stop-hearting drug to make everyone I'm dead. The hard part was getting out of the morgue.

Mr. Weed took a hard time getting out of the plastic bag where he was put in.

**Flashback's end.**

"I changed my name to Dr. Lune Noire and here I am" Mr. Weed said.

"Tell me your evil plan, Dr. Loony Toons" Helena said as she laughed a little "Peter was right, that joke is hilarious"

"Very funny..." Mr. Weed commented annoyed "But if you want to know my plan. It's...going to the MOON!"

"Going to the moon?" Helena asked "Why would a mad man want to go to the moon?"

"Because it has been my childhood dream" Mr. Weed said "Being the first French man to make a space colony and what perfect place is better than the MOON!"

"So your plan is stealing the Eiffel Tower to go to the Moon?" Helena asked.

"Not just stealing...turning it into a rocket ship" Mr. Weed answered "We already installed the rocket engines on the bases, ready to go to space and archived my childhood dream"

"I'm not going to let you steal one of the most famous world's monument!" Helena warned.

"That would be impossible...because you'll be cut off in half in two minutes" Dr. Weed said as he turned on a robotic arm with the laser pen.

"The laser pen! Where did you get tit?" Helena asked.

"Your friend Peter Griffin 'burrowed' us due to his drunk state" Mr. Weed answered.

"Thank goodness I'm wearing my metal bustier" Helena said.

"Oh, about that: we took it off while you were unconscious" Mr. Weed replied.

"I'd look fat wearing that?" a weird thug asked with the bustier in front of him.

"Keep dreaming, weird man" the muscular man answered.

"Now if you excuse me, I have a trip to the MOON!" Mr. Weed said "Au revoir (Good-Bye)!"

He and his henchmen left the storage room with the laser on.

"I have to get out of here, but how?" Helena asked.

Peter (heavily drunk) entered the storage room.

"Hey guys, did you finish talking...?" Peter asked.

"Peter, thank goodness, you must get me out of the table!" Helena told.

"Are you out of cable..." Peter said "I'm sorry, but I can't borrow my cable..."

"Your belt has a buckle, give me your belt!" Helena told.

"Oh, you want me to have sex with me...? Cool..." He slips out the belt making his pants falling down "Wait, I can't cheat on Lois..."

"Redirect the laser to the ropes with the buckle!" Helena ordered.

"But...you're my friend, we can be friends with benefits...!" Peter cheered.

"JUST USE THE BLOODY BUCKLE ON THE BLOODY LASERS!" Helena yelled at him.

"All right, all right, jeez..." Peter said using the buckle to redirect the lasers to Helena's ropes and she's now free.

She turned the laser off and gave Peter a very angry and disappointed glare.

"What the devil is the matter with you?!" Helena asked "I could die!"

"Sorry...I'm a little drunk" Peter

"I see..." Helena took out a device with a injector and used it on Peter to eliminate the alcohol on his blood.

"Wow...I felt like I suddenly woke up from a wonderful dream where Meg has no mouth" Peter said.

"Are you still drunk?" Helena asked.

"No...I guess" Peter answered.

"Good" Helena replied giving him a slap in the face "That was for almost letting me die!"

"That hurts...!" Peter whinned getting another slap.

"And that was for making my mission harder than usual!" Helena said "I shouldn't bring you here!"

"I just wanted to help you, like friends always do" Peter said "Did you forget our catchphrase?"

"We're not children anymore, Peter, we're GROWN UPS!" Helena continued yelling at him "I thought you didn't change a little bit since I met you for the first time after over 30 years. But I was wrong, you did change"

"Really?" Peter asked.

"You became a self-centered, inmature, sexist, racist, ignorant man!" Helena answered "You know? Lois told me EVERYTHING about you, even the bad things. I thought she was complaining for her hard housewife duty. But I realized YOU make it harder!"

"Hey, she has issues too, so don't tell me I'm the bad guy here" Peter said crossing his arms.

"Aren't you concerning about your selfish actions?" Helena asked "That these actions could hurt your family?"

"Well...I...ah..." Peter answered stammering.

"You know what makes me sad? You could be a really nice man if you put first everybody who cares about you instead of yourself" Helena explained with a sad tone "But I guess if you continue on your selfish way soon or later...you're gonna be alone...like my ex-husband"

She left the storage room and Peter was really shocked.

"Helena...?" Peter asked speechless "Great, now my childhood friend hates me. This couldn't get any worse..."

But then a somebody behind of him drugged him and he was taken.

A very grumpy Helena went to a bar for a drink.

"A martini..." Helena ordered.

"Shaken or stirred?" the old bartender asked.

"I don't give a damn..." Helena answered with a cold tone.

The bartender made the drink while he looked at her with concerning.

"Something's wrong?" the old bartender asked.

"Nothing...I just had a fight with...some friend of mine" Helena answered.

"New friend or old friend?" the old bartender asked.

"Why do you care?" Helena asked.

"I was 19 when I fought in World War II and I fought along with a friend" the old bartender answered "We've been helping to each other, even in good times and bad times. We're been friends for decades until he passed out. But his memories will never been forgotten"

"What is the point?" Helena asked.

"If a friendship is strong enough, not even time can break it" the old bartender.

"I guess you're right...no matter how different we are...Peter is still my first friend" Helena said finishing her martini getting up "Thank you, sir"

"I'll never forget you, my old friend..." the old bartender said looking at a picture "And the beautiful night we had in my tent..."

Helena got back to the storage room.

"Peter!" Helena called him "Peter?" she found a Rolex wrist watch and remembered the muscular henchman wearing it "I must go to save my old friend...and stop Dr. Lune Noire..."

Back in Paris; Peter was still unconcious until he was awaken by Mr. Wedd. He was tied to one of the rocket engines built underground in an underground.

"Huh...where am I?" Peter asked.

"I never thought we'd meet again...Griffin" Mr. Weed answered.

"Mr. Weed? I thought you were dead!' Peter said.

"I'd like to explain my 'resurrection', but my time is wasting" Mr. Weed said "As you can see: you're tied to one of the rocket engines ready to blast-off to the MOON!"

"Look: I'm sorry for dying in my house...but let me out of here!" Peter begged "I wanna go home!"

"This is also my revenge, Griffin!" Mr. Weed said "You've been a lazy and incompetent employer and now you will DIE!"

_20 MINUTES FOR THE BLAST-OFF_

"Enjoy the last minutes of your life, because without a spacesuit you will die in space" Mr. Weed said leaving him alone.

"No, you can't do this to me!" Peter said trying to getting out.

"Make sure he remains tied up" Mr. Weed ordered them.

"Oui, monsieur (yes, sir)" a henchman replied.

In the top of the Eiffel Tower (there were no people here); Mr. Weed (wearing a spacesuit) was ready for the blast-off.

"In just 10 minutes, my childhood dream will come true" Mr. Weed said.

I don't think so, Dr. Lune Noire...

Mr. Weed turned around and found it was Helena (wearing her secret agent jumpsuit).

"Agent Star, I expected you coming here" Mr. Weed said.

"Where is my friend?" Helena asked.

"Tied to a rocket engine" Mr. Weed answered "But it's already too late, in just 9 minutes and 47 seconds, the Tower will blast-off to the MOON!"

"Are you gonna live alone in a giant white rock?" Helena asked.

"Once I get there, I'll make an invitation, so everybody can come to my space colony" Mr. Weed answered "Everyone will admire my genius"

"Not if I stop you..." Helena said.

They began to fight like any James Bond movie fight scene. They almost fall down, but Helena had her hook-gun to prevent falling both down and continued the fight in other floor. They even fight in an elevator with some lounge music. When they went down, they ended in the underground where the rocket engines are.

"Helena, save me!" Peter screamed "Great, now I sound like a damsel in distress..."

"Peter..." Helena whispered "I'm gonna finish you, Dr. Lune Noire"

In slow-motion, Helena jumped high and gave him a very strong kick, breaking his teeth and leaving him unconscious.

"Helena, that was awesome!" Peter praised.

_3 MINUTES FOR THE BLAST-OFF_

"I need to deactivate the engines" Helena said going to the main computer "Let's see...I got it!" she types several keys and finally she pressed 'ENTER'.

_BLAST-OFF ABORTED_

"I did it, I saved the Eiffel Tower" Helena said.

"You...little...bitch" Mr. Weed said "This will not be the last time you saw me..."

"I could shoot you, for trying to murder my friend" Helena said pointing with her gun "But I have a better idea..."

They put Mr. Weed in one of the rocket engines.

"Wait, what are you doing?" Mr. Weed asked.

"You told me you wanted to live in the Moon" Helena asnwered "Well, you only need ONE rocket"

"Wait, without my oxygen helmet, I'll die in space!" Mr. Weed said.

"As we say in America: kiss my ass!" Peter said taking off his pants to show his ass.

"That's disgusting, GRIFFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!" Mr. Weed screamed as the rocket blast-off out of the ground, leaving the Eiffel Tower undamaged.

"Now he's officially dead" Peter said putting on his pants.

"Peter, listen: I'm sorry for yelling at you last night" Helena said "You may have flaws, but you're still my friend"

"So, aren't you mad at me?" Peter asked.

"Peter, no matter what happens, I will always be your friend" Helena said.

"That's cool, 'cause you're AWESOME!" Peter praised giving her five "Hey, let's go and get some REAL french fries, even if they look like regular fries"

"***giggling*** okay, let's go" Helena said going with Peter.

Back in Quahog; everybody is now praying (even Mort) to find Peter.

"Please dear God...let us find Peter safe and saved" Lois prayed.

"Guys, I don't know if I can pray like a Christian" Mort said.

"And please make Jews and Mort believe in Hell..." Lois added.

Suddenly, Peter and Helena came in.

"Hey everybody, I'm back!" Peter exclaimed.

"PETER!" Lois cheered giving him a hug "I was so damn worried about you!"

"Yeah, we've been looking for everywhere" Joe said "Even in the new porn theater"

"Great, more garbage in that town" Eddie complained.

"I'm sorry for mortifying you, Lois" Helena said "I was in some modeling business and Peter was very helpful. Believe me, he's a nice man"

"I missed you so much..." Peter said "Now go and make me a sandwich, I'm starved" he goes to his room.

"That's our old dad" Meg said.

Helena just remembered when she got back to the base.

**Flashback**

"I hope this fattie didn't cause you any problems" D said.

"Peter Griffin may have several flaws like any American man" Helena replied "But he's the first friend I ever had and I'd give my life for him"

"I understand" D said "But make sure this is the last time you come to a secret mission with him"

"I promise" Helena promised.

"Good, you can go now" D ordered.

"Yes, sir" Helena replied leaving the office.

**Flashback's end**

"Yeah, that's the old Peter" Helena said.

_Peter Griffin...friend...brother-alike...sidekick...and family man. For now on, I'm gonna protect him and his family. No matter what it takes...this family must prevail._

**End of the Chapter**

**(A/E: First at all: I really tried hard to make a chapter starring Peter without turning him an OOC, but I always had mixed feelings towards this character (at least since season 5). Sometimes I love him, sometimes I hate him, sometimes I want him dead or being endlessly tortured, sometimes I feel sorry for him, you know, mixed feelings. If you're a Peter fan, I'd be very grateful for ideas to make this character likeable WITHOUT turning him an OOC, okay? Bye!)**


	14. Beauty and the Brian

**Chapter 14: Beauty and the Brian**

**(A/E: Shen's General has suggested me to give Brian a dog girlfriend. But then I thought about the episode 'Brian's Former Life' and I really wanted to see Dylan and Tracy again. Just to be clear: I don't know ANYTHING about Tracy (since she only appeared in ONE episode), except she was sexually raped by her father and Dylan promised Brian to change her. Well, enjoy the chapter)**

In the deep forest of Quahog, there's a deer drinking water in the river...until something approached him and the deer ran away until the creature caught him. It happened to be a mysterious giant wolf ready to eat the deer...until it was shot. It was Axel (from the Halloween chapter in the Special Chapters). He wears a denim/leather jacket, along with a T-shirt, jeans and black boots. He had a silver gun that used to kill the wolf.

"Another werewolf bit the dust!" Axel said "Goes to show that no one f*cks with Axel Everett, world class hunter and his trusty friend: Ragnarok. With all that happens in this town, I am going to have one hell of a time!"

In the Griffin's house, the family was watching TV.

And now we're back with the Big Bang Theory.

**Cutaway**

But it wasn't the popular TV Show, but a scientist explaining the creation of the Universe.

"The Universe was once in an extremely hot and dense state which expanded rapidly" The scientist explained "This rapid expansion caused the Universe to cool and resulted in its present continuously expanding state...ugh, you know what? This is boring, I played Hamlet once! I'm out of here"

**Cutaway's end**

"Guys, I have some exciting news!" Brian said with the mail.

"Don't tell: you believe in God now?" Stewie asked shocked.

"Very funny, Stewie" Brian answered unimpressed "Remember my son Dylan?"

"That rebellious boy who became a better boy thanks to you?" Lois asked.

"But then you became an over-protective father?" Peter asked.

"And dad brought Dylan's mother, Tracy, your old flame?" Meg asked.

"To make him getting back with her and change her?" Chris asked.

"Just the way you did with Dylan?" Stewie asked.

"Okay...I guess you all remember him" Brian answered completely astonished "Anyway, I got a letter from them and it says they're coming this weekend!"

"That's wonderful!" Lois praised.

"Yeah, maybe Meg could have a chance with Dylan" Peter said.

"Dad, I already have a boyfriend" Meg replied.

"Really, who?" Peter asked.

"Eddie" Meg answered as Peter couldn't remember him "Helena's son"

"Oh yeah, you can use him to make him feel jealous and fall in love even more" Peter said.

"You gotta be kidding me!" Meg said angry.

"Yes, I was kidding you, sweetie" Peter replied rubbing her head.

"I don't know what to say" Brian said "I'm more excited than a nerd ready to lose his virginity, but he doesn't know it happens to be prank"

**Cutaway**

A nerd was outside of a room in a hotel.

"Finally, I'm gonna get laid with a hot girl!" the nerd said getting in the room...and then he was covered by glue and white feathers.

"Look: I invited the KFC pet!" the girl exclaimed.

All her friends laughed at him.

**Cutaway's end**

At James Woods High School; Meg was talking with her friends about Dylan.

"Brian is so excited to see his son again" Meg explained.

"Brian has a 13 years old son?" Eddie asked.

"Actually, he told me he has just turned 18 now" Meg answered.

"Wait, that doesn't make any sense" Matt said "Why does your 8 years old dog have a son older than him?"

"Totally agreed, since I met Brian, I thought ALL the animals could talk" Eddie said.

**Flashback**

Eddie was asking somebody downtown.

"Do you know where's Avenue 15 and Street 17?" Eddie asked.

It happens he was asking...a cat.

"Meow..." the cat said.

"Ha, ha, good one" Eddie praised thinking it was a joke "But seriously: where can I find them?"

"Hey pal, why are you talking to a cat?" a random guy asked.

"I was just asking the addresses" Eddie answered.

"Then ask to a HUMAN BEING" the random guy replied leaving "Dumbass..."

**Flashback's end**

**(A/E: Guys, you're part of a fanfic from a FREAKING CARTOON FOR GOD'S SAKE!)**

"He's right pal, what's the point to give a damn about logic?" Matt asked.

"Still, I want to meet him" Eddie said "Is he a good guy?"

"Well, he tied me to a chair in my basement and forced me to watch the Monty Python's unmemorable sketches" Meg answered "But thanks to Brian, he's a nice guy now"

"You have a problem about Monty Python?" Eddie asked "I think everything about him is great and hilarious. He was the king of comedy...before Robin Williams"

"But I'm a girl" Meg replied

"What is that suppose to mean?" Eddie asked.

"You're right, I never understood why" Meg answered "Just like Dad never understood the series finale of _LOST_"

**Flashback**

Peter was watching _LOST_, annoyed and confused.

"What the f*ck has just happened?!" Peter asked outraged.

**Flashback's end**

In the Griffins' house; everybody was waiting for Dylan and Tracy, even Brian wore a shirt saying 'My Son is #1'.

"Brian, where did you get that shirt?" Lois asked.

"Do you like it? I bought it on eBay" Brian answered "There was also a cheeseburger bitten by Megan Fox that costs $5,000"

"That's not what I asked" Lois said.

"Did you buy Megan Fox's cheeseburger too?" Peter asked.

"Look: here they come!" Brian said excited.

The taxi cab arrived and Dylan (wearing a blue vest, white undershirt, beige slacks and brown shoes) came out.

"Hey, Dad!" Dylan greeted.

"Dylan!" Brian exclaimed giving his son a big hug "I missed you so much!"

"Me too, Dad" Dylan replied "But I wasn't the only who missed you"

"Really?" Brian asked.

"Did you remember my promise to change my Mom just the way you did to me?" Dylan asked "Well, I succeed"

Tracy came out...she became from an overweight woman to a thin (but not too much) woman. Her wart was removed, her hair is in a shoulder length style, she wears a red jacket with a matching skirt, a pink short sleeved blouse, pink pantyhose and red high heels. She basically looks like her younger self. Everybody (except Dylan) was completely astonished for such an extreme make-over.

"No. Freaking. Way" Peter commented.

"Are you sure this is Tracy?" Lois asked.

"She looks like Melanie Griffith after a plastic surgery" Chris commented.

"I can't believe it...is that really you?" Brian asked.

"Yes..." Tracy said with an ugly voice.

"***GASP***" everybody gasped.

"***laughing*** I'm just kidding, come on" Tracy said with her normal voice (she sounds like her younger self, but a little more matured) "I'm happy to meet you all again"

"Hey, Dylan" Meg greeted "Do you remember me?"

"Oh...ah..hi, Meg" Dylan greeted somewhat embarrased "I hope you don't have hard feelings for what I did to you"

"I don't, I hope we can be friends" Meg said.

"I liked the other Dylan..." Peter muffled.

"Dylan, why don't you go to play with your little friends?" Tracy asked.

"Mom, don't talk to me like a child, I'm legally an adult" Dylan answered blushing.

"I was just kidding, honey" Tracy said.

"Are you sure you don't want him to stay and unpack your stuff?" Brian asked.

"I'm fine, but you can help me to unpack" Tracy answered "***whispering Brian's ear*** I have some sexy lingerie"

"Oh...I'd love to" Brian said feeling a little horny until he slap himself "I mean, of course I can help you, I'm a good man, I MEAN, dog"

"Looks like Brian is gonna get laid with hot Tracy a lot" Stewie commented "Like Bruce Banner in that deleted scene of _the Incredible Hulk_"

**Cutaway**

Bruce was sitting on bed (shirtless, but with the pants on).

"I'm really sorry, Betty" Bruce apologized "I swear I wanted to stop, but...god you're so hot and my heart beating was accelerating. I hope you're not mad at me"

The hotel's room was half-destroyed and Betty was totally injured.

"That's...o...kay" Betty said weakling.

**Cutaway's end**

Meanwhile at Quahog's mall; Eddie, Matt and Zack were in the food court waiting for the Griffin kids.

"How do you think Brian's son is gonna look like?" Eddie asked.

"I think he's gonna look like Brian, but his fur like his mother's hair color" Matt answered.

"That's a little crazy" Eddie commented.

"Or maybe he's a human like us, but when full moon rises, he'll become a werewolf!" Zack said "You know: a REAL werewolf. Not those shirtless queer-Os from _Twilight_. A werewolf with bloody tainted fangs and menacing eyes that can make Clint Eastwood wet his adult diapers!"

"Matt's theory is starting to make more sense" Eddie said "And DON'T insult Clint Eastwood just because he's old"

"Look, I think they're coming" Matt said.

The Griffin siblings arrived with Dylan.

"Hey guys!' Meg greeted "This is Brian's son: Dylan Flannigan"

"What's up?" Dylan greeted.

"He seems pretty normal" Matt commented.

"Maybe TOO much" Zack replied suspicious.

"Dylan, this is my boyfriend: Eddie" Meg said.

"Hey, pal" Eddie greeted.

"Oh...you have a boyfriend?" Dylan asked with a somewhat disappointed face.

"Is there something wrong?" Meg asked.

"Ah, nothing, everything is cool" Dylan answered.

"Dylan, I'd like to introduce you: my best friend Matt Kennedy and my other friend: Zack Murdock"

"Matt's here" Matt greeted.

"How's it going, wolfie?" Zack asked.

"ZACK!" Meg/Eddie scolded.

"Wolfie?" Dylan asked "Do I look like a wolf?"

"Ah...no, I...call 'Wolfie'...to every new guy I meet!" Zack said making his friends to slap their foreheads.

"He thinks you're a werewolf, because your father is a dog" Eddie said.

"Oh...that's understandable, but no, I'm not a werewolf" Dylan said.

"Are you sure your mother doesn't mind to hang out with us?" Matt asked.

"No, she and Dad are spending some time together" Dylan answered.

**Flashback**

Brian and Tracy were driving together.

"Let's listen some music, Brian" Tracy said turning on the radio, it was playing 'Price Tag' by Jessie J "Oh my god, I like that song!"

"Are you serious?" Brian asked.

"Come on, sing with me!" Tracy said starting to sing.

_Tracy:_

_Why is everybody so serious?_

_Acting so damn mysterious_

_You got your shades on your eyes and your heels so high_

That you can't even have a good time

"Tracy, I don't like today's music" Brian said

"We have to try something new sometime" Tracy replied "Come on, give it a shot"

Brian just smiled and they sang together.

_Tracy and Brian:_

_It's not about the money, money, money_

_We don't need your money, money, money_

_We just wanna make the world dance_

_Forget about the price tag_

_Tracy_

_Ain't about the cha-ching, cha-ching_

_Brian:_

_Ain't about the ba-bling, ba-bling_

_Tracy and Brian:_

_Wanna make the world dance_

_Forget about the price tag_

**Flashback's end**

The teenagers had lunch in the food court. They ordered mostly burgers, but Dylan ordered a salad. But he seems to dislike it.

"Dylan, if you don't like salad, why did you order it?" Meg asked.

"It's...good for my health" Dylan answered eating a lettuce "Yuck..."

"Guys, look!" Chris asked reading something in a magazine "There's an article that tells werewolves are real"

"Chris, that's crazy, werewolves don't exist" Eddie said "Only in horror movies"

"Then how do you explain the article tells that some guy was hunting werewolves?" Chris asked.

"Chris, that magazine is full of crap" Meg said "It also tells that the 2012 Presidential Elections were arranged, because Obama has hypnotic alien powers. You know how ridiculous could be?"

**Cutaway**

After Obama left the podium; he got in his presidential limo, where he took out his fake forehead revealing a third eye.

"Another four years being the big boss" Obama said.

**Cutaway's end**

"Well, I'm gonna find this creature, even if I have to dress like Bella 'I-Suck-In-Acting' Swan" Chris said "And Dylan is coming with me"

"Chris, I don't think this is a good idea" Dylan commented.

"Please..." Chris begged with puppy eyes.

"***sighed*** All right" Dylan agreed.

Meanwhile somewhere in the Quahog's beach; Brian and Tracy were looking at the sunset.

"This was a good evening" Tracy commented "And the movie we saw was really good"

"Yeah, I can't believe it was directed by Ben Affleck" Brian commented.

"Brian, I really missed hanging out with you" Tracy said "Also, you did a great job reforming our son. Trust me, it wasn't easy being a single mother, Dylan really needed a father and you showed me you can be a really good father"

"Wow...I don't know what to say...thanks" Brian thanked "I'd wish some people would notice that"

"What do you mean?" Tracy asked.

"Well...there was a guy: Glenn Quagmire" Brian answered.

"The ladies' man of the town?" Tracy asked.

"Wait, do you know him?" Brian asked "Don't tell me you slept with him"

"Actually, I know some women who slept with him and they told me terrible things about him" Tracy said "I thought they were overreacting, that he's just a ladies' man"

"Well, I couldn't blame them" Brian said "Quagmire and I never did see eye to eye. He totally hates me"

"He hates you?" Tracy asked "Why?"

"It's a long and sad story, so here's a flashback of my friend Peter in the Pikmin planet" Brian said as he looked at us "Trust me, it's too painful for my fans"

**Flashback**

Peter was in the Pikmin planet. The whole scenario was GCI, the Pikmin characters were CGI, Peter was normally animated, but wearing a CGI spacesuit. He and 5 Pikmins found a playboy magazine

"Okay guys, pick up this playboy magazine" Peter ordered as the Pikmins tried to carry it, but it needed 15 more Pikmins "What do you mean I need 15 more Pikmins? That's okay, I'll ask this big guy" he approached a Bulbord "Hey you, can you give me a hand with that playboy magazine?"

But the Bulbord ate him alive.

**Flashback's end**

"And that's why he hates me so much" Brian concluded the story.

"Oh my god...this couldn't be truth what he said" Tracy said appalled "Especially when he said that you're a failure as a father!"

"But everything else is truth" Brian said "I know I make mistakes, but who doesn't?"

"Exactly, I'm starting to think that these women were telling me the truth" Tracy said "And I was being skeptical"

"That's not all, he also chewed me out for insulting his deaf cousin when I didn't know, insulting his dying niece when I didn't know, insulting his sister who was being beaten up when I didn't know, beated me up for sleeping with his dad when I DIDN'T KNOW!" Brian said getting emotional "And you want to know the worst thing?! When I tried to bury the hatchet with him that one night, he back into me with his car! I try to be a better person, but I..." he starts crying "Oh Tracy, I really hate my life!"

"There, there" Tracy said hugging him "That bastard had no right to say all that about you. Haven't you told Peter or Lois about this?"

"No, because this is my problem, I can't bear to drag Peter into this" Brian said.

"Cannot bear? This man is a monster! And I know about monsters, because my dad raped me" Tracy said standing up "But don't worry, Brian, I will make this right!"

"How? It's not like you know somebody who can deal with him" Brian said.

"No, I don't" Tracy said as she started smiling "But you know? I just got an idea. Come on, let's go"

They got into the car.

"Wait, where are we going?" Brian asked.

"To the most dangerous bars of town" Tracy answered.

"This doesn't sounds good..." Brian commented.

Meanwhile in the woods (already night); Chris (dressed as Bella Swan) and Dylan (dressed as Edward Cullen) were looking for the werewolf.

"Chris, this is stupid" Dylan commented "Why the hell are we dressed like this anyway?"

"Because werewolves are attracted to unattractive chicks in love with lame-O vampires" Chris said "Thank god Meg didn't throw these Halloween costumes. She wanted Eddie to dress like Edward Cullen. Luckily he totally hates _Twilight_"

"Actually, I wouldn't mind to be dress up like this, if your sister ever ask me" Dylan said.

"Okay, since you arrived, you didn't stop looking at my ugly sister" Chris said "Usually the guys who see her stab their eyes with pointy objects"

"I know, it's just...she seems a really nice person" Dylan said "I thought I'd have a chance with her. But when I met her boyfriend: Eddie, I felt really disappointed"

"Wait a second, do you LOVE my sister?" Chris asked.

"I...guess" Dylan answered making Chris vomit.

"That's sick, man!" Chris said "You want a three way with them?"

"What? NO!" Dylan answered clearly offended "I'm telling you that I respect her decision to date any guy she wants. I'm just sad, because I wasn't that guy. But I hope I find the perfect girl for me"

"Phew...you scared me the heck out" Chris said.

Suddenly Dylan looked at the full moon.

"Chris...we better get the hell out of here" Dylan said shaking.

"No, until we find the werewolf" Chris replied.

"I'm mean it, we should go home now" Dylan said sweating as his eyes turned red.

"Okay, what's wrong with you?" Chris asked "I remind you that you're not an actual vampire"

"Ah...ARGH!" Dylan screamed of pain.

Suddenly, Dylan's shadow was changing from a normal teenage boy into...a monster. When Chris watched the transformation, he screamed like a girl.

Back with Brian and Tracy, they arrived at most dangerous bar called: 'Bulldog Butthole'.

"Wait here in the car" Tracy said.

"Tracy, I don't think this is a good idea" Brian said.

"Brian, I raised a rebellious son" Tracy replied "I know how to deal with these guys"

She got out of the car leaving Brian alone. Suddenly a merchant bum appeared in front of him.

"Hey, wanna buy some weed?" the merchant bum asked showing his jacket with many bags of weed.

"I guess smoking some weed will make me feel better" Brian said.

Tracy got inside the bar full of thugs fighting each other, excessively drinking and throwing darts at a nerd. Then she found young man drinking alone in a table, it happens to be Axel from the beginning of the chapter.

"Excuse me, aren't you too young to be in a bar?" Tracy asked.

"Bitch, I have a gun with me" Axel said showing his gun "Isn't that good enough for you?"

"That's okay, I was looking for some...Hitman" Tracy said whispering.

"*drinking a slip of beer* you came to the right place" Axel said "What do you want?"

"Well, here's the thing: I have a lover, Brian Griffin" Tracy said "He's a intellectual and smart dog, I know it sounds sick"

"I don't mind, in fact: I had sex with dogs and wolves" Axel replied "Continue..."

"Okay..., there's a guy who treated him so bad" Tracy continued "His name is Glenn Quagmire"

Suddenly, Axel had a flashback.

**Flashback**

There's Axel and a 18 years old blonde girl in a restaurant.

"Axel, I'm going to the restroom" the girl said "I hope you don't mind"

"Take your time, but not too long" Axel replied.

**5 minutes later...**

"Axel, I wanna break up with you" the girl said.

"What? Why?" Axel asked confused.

"I found someone who's better in bed than you" the girl answered.

_Giggity! Giggity!_

Axel just showed a very angry and revengeful face.

**Flashback's end**

"I'll do it for free" Axel said.

"Really?" Tracy asked "Thank you very much, Brian will be very grateful"

"Listen to this plan that it can't go wrong" Axel said "And if it does, I have a plan B"

"I'm gonna save Brian just like...uh...I can't think in a clip" Tracy said "Sorry, I'm new on this"

After a while talking with Axel; she got into the car with Brian...who's stoned for smoking weed.

"Brian?" Tracy asked.

"Look Tracy...I feel like I'm flying around the world..." Brian said VERY stoned.

"It's already late, let's go home" Tracy said.

"Tracy...did I mention how beautiful you are...?" Brian asked rubbing her legs.

"Brian, stop doing...wow...I kinda like it" Tracy commented until she looked at a near hotel "Brian, how about if we spend the night together...in ONE room?"

Next morning, Tracy and Brian spent the night in the hotel. Tracy's clothes were on the floor...yup, they did it.

"Good morning, sunshine..." Tracy greeted.

"Good morning, Tracy" Brian greeted "God, my head hurts for the weed I smoke...but my god, the night we had was awesome"

"And it will be more awesome knowing that your problems will finally be solved" Tracy explained while she puts on her underwear.

"My problems?" Brian asked "What do you mean?"

Suddenly, Tracy's cellphone rang.

"Hello?" Tracy asked.

_Tracy, it's Lois, something horrible happened!_

"What happened?" Tracy asked concerned.

_CHRIS AND DYLAN ARE LOST!_

"Oh my god!" Tracy screamed.

Tracy and Brian went at the Griffins' house, where Joe and his cops were comforting Peter and Lois for their son's missing.

"How did this happen?" Tracy asked.

"They never came home last night" Lois answered "I don't know why"

"Oh, I remember: Meg told me they were hunting a werewolf" Peter said.

"WHAT?!" Lois asked outraged "Why didn't you say anything?!"

"Hey, Meg was the one who know about that and now she and her friends are looking for them" Peter said taking out his Nintendo 3DS "Besides, I was busy trying to get so many coins as possible in _New Super Mario Bros. 2_"

"Wait, did you say they were hunting a werewolf?" Tracy asked.

"Not kidding, they even hired a hunter" Peter answered.

**Flashback**

Meg, Eddie and Zack were in the SAME bar where Tracy met Axel looking for a hunter...who's also Axel.

"I don't know, I like killing werewolves, but I already have a customer" Axel said.

"Come on, I'll pay you $200 and...this Blu-Ray disc of _Titanic_, Director's Cut" Eddie said showing the Blu-Ray disc

"No thanks, I hate _Titanic_" Axel said.

"Why do we need a hunter anyway?" Zack asked taking out his gun "I have gun with me

He accidentally shot as the bullet bounced around the bar and it ended breaking the pinball machine for some reason getting the high score.

"Hey, who broke the painball machine?" the black bartender asked.

All the tough men pointed at Zack and prepared their baseball bats to beat him.

"I think I'm gonna run" Zack said.

"That won't be necessary" Axel said as he grabbed Meg's neck with his hand and pointed at her with his gun " Back off or I'll shoot her!"

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Eddie shouted.

"EDDIE!" Meg screamed.

"That's right, nobody moves or she's gone!" Axel said "These guys come with me" they slowly followed Axel until they got out of the bar "See, that was easy"

"You BASTARD!" Meg insulted him.

"Yeah, you could've kill her!" Eddie added.

"With a unloaded gun?" Axel asked "Look: I'll help you looking for the werewolf and I teach Zack how to shoot"

"Really?" Zack asked "That would be awesome"

"I have a bad feeling about this" Eddie commented.

**Flashback's end**

"Wow, that was a long flashback" Peter commented.

"Well, we're gonna help them to find Dylan and Chris, right Tracy?" Brian asked as he realized she's gone "Tracy?"

It happens that Tracy was in a bar seducing Quagmire. It shows Axel in a lying position, with a sniper rifle pointed at Quagmire's...you know, as Tracy was distracting him

"Come on, Little Glenn" Axel said "A little more...a little more...a LITTLE MORE...A LITTLE F*CKING MORE!" Getting frustrated, then calms down, "There we go...prepare to lose your dignity you bastard" About to pull the trigger...until his cellphone rang "DAMN IT!" he answered it "Hello?"

_Axel, it's Meg, what are you doing up there?_

"I was in the middle of something" Axel said frustrated.

_Don't you remember that you were helping us with hunting that werewolf?_

"Oh sh*t..., okay, I'm coming" Axel said as he hang on and called Tracy.

Tracy's cellphone rang.

"Hold on a second" Tracy said as she answered "Hello?

_Tracy, go to Plan B, I can't help you at the moment._

"What? But..." Tracy said as she groaned.

"So, you'd like something to drink?" Quagmire asked "And later we can go to my house"

"Actually, I'd like that YOU come to MY house" Tracy said.

Quagmire took out some ruffies.

"That was easy" Quagmire said throwing them away and then...Tracy used the 'Vulcan nerve pinch' to paralyze him.

"Live long and suck it, son of a bitch" Tracy whispered.

Quagmire kept his eyes closed...until he opened and found himself...naked (with a bag of ice covering his genitals)...with his arms and legs tied to a metal table...in some kind of basement.

"Ohh...what happenned?" Quagmire asked "Where am I?"

"You're in hell, you bastard..." a intimidating voice said.

Tracy appeared from the shadows, she's now wearing a ponytail, a black tank top, gray jeans and black boots.

"Are we going to play a game?" Quagmire asked thinking they were going 'do it' .

"Oh yeah, we're going to play a game" Tracy answered with an evil smile "I call it 'Lose your manhood'"

"Wait, what do you mean?" Quagmire asked concerned by the game's name.

"As you can see: I put an ice bag in your genitals" Tracy said "So once your genitals are cold...you won't feel anything when I castrate you"

"Wait, WHAT?!" Quagmire asked already scared.

"You heard me; never gonna have sex with women ever again" Tracy said "No woman is gonna do it with someone with a dick"

"Why are you doing this to me?!" Quagmire asked.

"Because you hurt the love of my life: Brian Griffin" Tracy answered darkly.

"What's the deal with him? He's the worst dog ever!" Quagmire commented.

"Shut up, you hypocrite!" Tracy said "You don't know a sh*t about him"

"He always talk about politic and that kind of crap!" Quagmire said.

"He's just defending his idealism" Tracy replied.

"He doesn't believe in God" Quagmire added.

"Religion is not for everybody" Tracy said.

"He failed college twice and he's a terrible writer!" Quagmire said.

"At least he tried" Tracy replied "Yeah, 'Faster than the Speed of Love' is an abomination, but it's still better than the dirty porn you read"

"He takes a dump in the Griffins' garden, he has sex with stupid women, he flirts with his best friend's wife, he abandoned his son, HE'S A BASTARD!" Quagmire shouted.

"SHUT THE F*CK UP!" Tracy said punching him in the face "Now listen carefully: you're the worst person on Earth. You walk around looking for women only to have sex with, at least Brian tried to be nice with them. You let Cleveland's ex-wife to have an affair with you, ruining his marriage. You tried to rape Lois so many times, at least Brian was honest to his feelings and respected her marriage. He tried to be your friend...but you just made him to feel miserable just to hide your own misery and almost killed you with your car. But you know what's the thing I hate you most? You dared to call Brian a FAILURE of a father. Maybe he didn't tell you, but he changed MY SON from a rebellious boy to a nice young man. YOU abandoned your baby daughter Anna Lee and now you're planning to bump HER when she turns 18, you make me sick. Maybe Brian is not perfect, but he's 10 times of any man in this town. YOU, for other hand, you're not even a human, you're a pig. A dirty, disgusting and DISPICABLE PIG!"

Meanwhile in the woods, Axel and the others were walking in the woods, looking for Chris and Dylan, when Axel then...

"HELL YEAH! Axel cheered raising his hand up, like to high five someone.

"Who are you talking to?" Eddie asked.

"Sorry, I just felt a vibe in the air that someone I hate got burned" Axel answered.

Quagmire was completely speechless. Tracy's 'The Reason You Suck Speech' really defeated him.

"And now...I'm gonna save Brian and the lives of thousands of women from you!" Tracy said holding a sharply knife.

"Wait, you don't wanna do this!" Quagmire screamed.

"Oh, nothing will make me happier than turn you into Glenda" Tracy said.

"NO, DON'T DO THIS!" Quagmire begged crying "I'LL DO ANYTHING!"

"Did you say...anything?" Tracy asked.

Back with our heroes in the woods; they were still looking for Chris and Dylan. Suddenly they heard voices from a cave.

"Guys, look! I think they're in that cave" Meg said.

Thry got into the cave where he found...Chris with his Bella Swan tore up costume and scratches from everywhere.

"Chris, we found you!" Eddie said.

"Oh my god, what happened to you?" Meg asked.

"Dylan is the monster..." Chris answered shaking of fear "Dylan is the freaking monster..."

"Well...I'm ready to blow up his head" Axel said preparing his Ragnarok.

"What do you mean he's the monster?" Zack asked.

"He turned into the werewolf when he saw the full moon..." Chris answered "He attacked me...it was horrible. Now I know what Bella felt when he was attacked by Jacob"

"Ah...Chris, Bella never got attacked by Jacob" Meg said "And a forced kiss doesn't count"

"Guys, I think the creature is coming" Eddie said.

"Stay back, I'm ready to open fire" Axel said.

But it happens to be...Dylan, he's shirtless, but with the pants on.

"It's Dylan!" Meg said.

"Guys..." Dylan said weakling.

"Stay back, you monster!" Chris yelled at him.

"Monster...? Oh no, it happened again..." Dylan said with a guilty tone.

"What do you mean?" Zack asked.

"Since I turned 18, I started growing like a normal human being" Dylan explained "But now every full moon, I became a...I'm so sorry!"

"Well, I'm ready to send you to hell..." Axel said pointing at him with his gun.

"Axel, stop!" Meg demanded "It's not Dylan's fault!

"I can't believe it either, but killing him is not the solution!" Eddie said.

Axel thought for a moment...and he dropped his weapon,

"Okay...I'll let him to live...for now" Axel said.

"Thank you guys" Dylan thanked "I promise I'll do anything to find out why I'm becoming a werewolf and find a cure"

"We'll help you, Dylan" Meg said "After all, you're my Dad's best friend's son. They're like brothers, so that makes us...cousins, I guess"

"Ugly and evil cousins indeed" Chris added getting a punch from Meg 'OW!"

"Come on, let's go" Eddie said "Your parents must be really worry"

"Sorry Ragny" Axel said to his gun "No blood today"

After Chris and Dylan came back home. Tracy brought Quagmire to talk to Brian.

"Brian, Glenn has something to tell" Tracy said.

"Brian...I...I'm sorry" Quagmire said.

"What?" Brian asked.

"I'm sorry for treating you like crap these last months" Quagmire answered "I don't know what's wrong with me...I guess I have a demon within...but that's not important. And...***gulps*** I'd like to be your friend"

"Glenn, I don't know if this is a trick and frankly I don't care" Brian said "I'm sorry, Glenn. But I can't be your friend"

"What?" Glenn/Tracy asked shocked.

"It's pretty obvious we're both from different places" Brian answered "Let's face it: we wouldn't last a week as friends. I guess thinking what you said to me made me realize that my attempt to be your friend was completely pointless. I appreciate the offer, but you can kiss my doggy ass"

"Well...I..." Quagmire said nervous looking at him and then looking at Tracy with a menacing stare "I F*CKED YOUR MOM! GIGGITY-GIGGITY!" He ran away like the Road Runner from _Looney Toons_.

"That BASTARD! He's so dead now!" Tracy said ready to chase him until Brian stopped her.

"Let him go, Tracy" Brian said.

"But, Brian!"

"I know you did something to him so he can be nice to me" Brian said "But, I don't need his opinion to be happy. ALL that I need to be happy...is you and Dylan"

"Oh, Brian, I love you" Tracy said.

"I love you too" Brian replied kissing her

Everything seems back to normal...except Axel spied on them and heard the entire conversation.

"Maybe that bastard got away with his own...but he won't feel lucky when I face him" Axel whispered.

**End of the chapter**

**(A/E: Phew...that was a long chapter. Well, I hope you guys enjoyed it. Don't forget to write your comment! ;))**


	15. Daddy and Me

**Chapter 15: Daddy and Me**

Chris and Amy were walking down street with bags of groceries; Chris was eating a candy bar.

"Thanks for helping me with the groceries that Mom asked me to buy for dinner" Chris thanked taking a bite to the candy bar.

"You're welcome, but your mom is not gonna be upset for keeping the change to buy a snack?" Amy asked "Mine almost killed me when I did that once"

"Don't worry, she'll be pissed at you, because you helped me with the groceries" Chris said.

"Say WHAAAAAAAAT?!" Amy asked outraged until she found somebody unconscious lying near of a barbershop.

"Great, there's a homeless man in our way" Chris said.

"Wait, look at his clothes: he looks like he has been in the army" Amy said.

"How do you know?" Chris asked.

"Silly friend, my mom is a model, she even wears army outfits to promote it" Amy answered "I see his plaques" she looked at the plaques closely; it says 'WALKER', then Amy looked at his face and... "OH...MY...GOSH!"

"What's going on?" Chris asked.

"This man...is MY DAD!" Amy answered.

"Your dad?" Chris asked "I thought you told me that he was in prison"

"Maybe they let him out, which means...*gasps* MY GOOD AND SWEET DADDY IS BACK!" she gave the unconcious body a huge hug.

"Okay, you're freaking me out..." Chris commented "I thought you and your family hate him"

"No, no, no, no, no, Eddie hates him, my mom...I don't know, but I'd NEVER hate him" Amy said "I was his Little Girl, you see..."

**Flashback**

_I was a very shy little girl. But my daddy was there to support me._

There's 4 years old Amy, she had pigtails, she's wearing a denim jumper with a sun, pink undershirt, lace socks and pink shoes. She was on the top of a slider ready to slide on it. Her dad was on the end of the slide waiting for her.

"This is too high..." kid Amy said.

"Come on, sweetie!" Mr. Walker said "You can do it!"

"Okay...here I go..." kid Amy said sliding on the slider and she made it in one piece "I did it, I did it daddy!"

"That's my little girl!" Mr. Walker praised lifting her "I told you that you could do it"

Frank! Amy! It's time to go!

"Let's go sweetie" Frank said carrying her on his shoulders.

"I love you, daddy" Amy said.

"I love you too..." Frank replied.

**Flashback's end**

"He was the greatest daddy in the world, Chris" Amy said "You must understand the love between a father and his daughter"

"Amy, my dad and my sister are not exactly Miley and Billy Ray Cyrus and I never watched _I Am Sam_" Chris explained.

Frank started moving his head.

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh!" Amy cheered "My daddy is waking up!"

"Wait, what happen if he's actually a zombie ready to eat our brain!" Chris said.

"Chris, you should stop watching zombie movies" Amy replied "My brother says they're unhealthy and bad"

"Love...? Is that you...?" Frank asked somewhat dizzy.

"Yes, it's me" Amy answered.

"Oh babe, I missed you so much..." Frank said.

"I missed you too, Da-" suddenly Frank gave her a kiss on the lips, much for Chris's shock.

"What KIND of relationship you guys had?" Chris asked very confused.

Amy made Frank stop kissing her and began to slap him.

"PUT-YOUR-SELF-TO-GE-THER!" Amy yelled at him.

"Ow...my face...huh?" Frank looked at Amy carefully "You're not Helena..."

"No, it's me: Amy" Amy said "Your daughter"

"Oh my god...you grew up so much sweetheart...you look a lot like your mother" Frank commented making her blushing.

"Thanks, Daddy" Amy thanked.

"Huh...Hello, sir...I'm Chris" Chris greeted nervously.

"Sweetie...I'm starved" Frank said weakling.

"Oh yeah, Chris, let's take him to your house" Amy said.

"This is weirder than the time I changed Stewie's diaper"

**Flashback**

Chris was changing Stewie's diaper...and a vortex suddenly appeared and sucked him out.

"AAAAAAHHHHH!" Chris screamed as he got into the vortex.

"Oh, I forgot I was wearing my infinite vortex diaper to suck out Lois" Stewie said "I guess I must go and get him"

**Flashback's end**

In the Griffins' house; the Griffins (except Meg, who's having dinner with Eddie on a date and Lois, because she had Yoga class) and Amy were having dinner...but Frank was eating the whole dinner (like an Anime male character). He finally got stuffed.

"Phew...I really needed food" Frank said.

"He ate it all..." Brian commented.

"He didn't leave anything for us..." Chris replied disappointed.

"I feel sorry for the starved kids in Africa" Stewie said "Oh wait, no, I don't"

"I can't believe I'm seeing my dad after almost 9 years!" Amy cheered.

"Me neither, I don't know where to start" Frank said.

"You look tough, were you in the army?" Peter asked "I bet you're the guy who killed Osama Bin Laden"

"No, but I was in the army...I'm not going back" Frank answered "I'm here to start over...but I never expect to find my daughter here. Are you living here now?"

"No, I live with Mom and Eddie in a luxury apartment" Amy answered "Do you remember them?"

Frank suddenly had some flashback in black and white where he abuses them. They were showed like photographs.

"Please don't mention them..." Frank said with his hand on his forehead "I don't want to talk about my past..."

"Poor Daddy..." Amy said "Don't worry, you still have me"

"I don't understand, why you don't hate me?" Frank asked.

"Because, you'll always be my dad, Daddy" Amy answered "I would never hate you"

"You're so kind" Frank said touching her cheek.

_**DING-DONG!**_

"Looks like Meg and Eddie are coming back from their date" Brian said.

"Oh my gosh, you gotta hide, Daddy!" Amy said grabbing Frank's arm.

"Wait, where are we going?" Frank asked as Amy found the room where Lois keeps the broom, mops, buckets and other cleaning products.

"Cool, you can hide in it!" Amy said closing the door.

Meg and Eddie were finally in the house.

"Hey everyone, I hope we're not late" Meg said.

"Hi, big brother!" Amy greeted cheering "Did you guys have a good night?"

"Absolutely, I ordered some delicious breaded shrimps" Eddie said "Meg is good choosing the best of the menu"

"You're welcome, dear" Meg replied "Maybe on our next date I can invite you to my house and make dinner for you. I'm good at cooking"

"I'm sure you are" Eddie replied "Anyway, let's go home, little sister"

"Sure, bye everyone!" Amy said.

"Bye, you guys!" the Griffins replied as the Walkers leave.

"Okay, Frank, you can come out" Brian said.

Frank came out of the room.

"It was my imagination or did I actually hear my son's voice?" Frank asked.

"Guys, who is that man?" Meg asked confused.

"Meg, this is Frank Walker" Brian answered "He's Amy's father"

"Oh my god, are you her father?" Meg asked really surprised "You must be Eddie's father too, at least you're his step-father which it makes he and Amy half-siblings or one of the siblings are adopted..."

"Shut up, Meg, you're just babbling for no reason at all!" Peter said annoyed.

"No, I'm both father to them and they came out from the same mother" Frank said "My name is Frank by the way"

"I'm sorry, I'm just excited to finally meet another relative of my boyfriend" Meg said offering her hand "I'm his girlfriend: Meg"

"Nice to you, Meg" Frank said returning the hand "My son must be very lucky to be with a girl like you"

"Thank you" Meg thanked blushing.

"Meg, why aren't you mad at him?" Chris asked "Isn't he the man who raised your bully who's now your boyfriend?"

"Yeah, I know Eddie told me horrible things about you" Meg said "But Amy told me the reason of your...mistakes""

"I made a lot of mistakes 10 years ago" Frank said sitting on the sofa "Maybe it started since my parents' death. They died in a plane crash when they were coming to visit us. I was so sad and angry that I started mistreating my family in a horrible way"

_Where's my dinner?!_

_***Punching***_

_You stupid bitch!_

_***A glass breaks up***_

_I hate you and the little bastards!_

"And what happened next?" Lois asked suddenly appearing.

"Lois, when did you come in?" Brian asked surprised.

"Minutes ago" Lois answered "But then I saw this man and I wanna be sure he's not a stranger"

"Anyway, then my wife shot in my leg and called the police" Frank continued telling the story "I was sent to prison and sentenced for 20 years. Until they told me they'd reduce my punishment if I join to the army and I accepted. When I was in the army, I was in Iraq helping to hunt Saddam Hussein. I really know how was the hell out there...that experience made me realize my mistakes...after I finished my 'military service'. I was free...but instead of going back to America, I spent four peaceful years living in Asia. I liked living there, but I realized that America is my home and I felt the need to go back and start over. And here I am"

"Your story is SO damn sad and awesome!" Peter said crying "Especially when you scream of glory after killing Saddam Hussein!"

"Peter, I never killed Saddam either" Frank corrected.

"But that would be awesome!" Peter replied.

"I must respect you, you realized war and violence are wrong and you came here to make amends with everybody" Brian said "Just like your son"

"Please, don't say that name" Frank said with a guilty face.

"Look, Frank, if you don't have a place to live, you can stay with us for a while" Lois said "There's an attic where you can sleep"

"Thank you guys, you're very generous" Frank commented.

**(A/E: (sarcastic) Yeah, they're a KIND and GENEROUS family)**

"Cool, it's like having Captain America living with us!" Chris cheered.

**Flashback**

Captain America and Peter were watching TV.

"You're gonna love living with us, Capt." Peter said holding the remote control.

"Wait, what is it?" Captain America asked taking the control "Is that a weapon created by Red Skull?!" He broke it with his shield.

"What the hell?! That was the remote control for the TV!" Peter yelled at him.

"Really? Sorry, I'm still not used to the technology of your time" Captain America said.

**Flashback's end**

"Peter, your sister is very kind" Frank said.

"I'm not his sister, I'm his wife..." Lois corrected.

"Wait...what?" Frank asked shocked.

Suddenly he imagined himself in a front row seat of a movie theater. He was watching in the huge screen the Griffins dressed like the cast of _Little House on the Prairie_, having a Thanksgiving party, smiling and enjoying themselves like a happy family. It pained Frank seeing the happy, tight-knitted family the Griffins were on this huge screen.

"These two..." Frank said, looking at Peter and Lois, who had given each a kiss on the cheek. "They're such a happy family...three kids, a nice house and a dog...while I'm a divorced, washed up and abusive jackass WHO TREATED HIS FAMILY LIKE A PIECE OF PURE, UTTER CRAP!" Frank yelled out, sounding like a Drama queen.

"Hey, Drama Queen, why don't you shut up? I'm trying to watch the movie." Peter told him, grabbing a handful of popcorn from the popcorn bowl on his lap and munching on it, drinking some soda as well. Then eveything turned back to normal.

"Frank, are you okay?" Lois asked.

"I'm okay, I was just appreciating this family picture you have" Frank answered.

"Well, I'll start making the bed for you" Lois said going upstairs.

"***whispering*** whatever you do: don't look through my 'secret box'" Peter told him.

"Since when you have a secret box?" Brian asked.

"***whispering*** I'm trying to impress him" Peter answered..

"Peter, I'm hearing what you're saying" Frank said.

"***whispering*** no, you're not, because I'm whispering..." Peter said.

Meanwhile in the Walkers' luxury apartment; Amy (wearing a white top with a rainbow and pink sweatpants as pajamas) was in her room **(A/E: it's all pink, with posters of her favorite singers: Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Kelly Clarkson, Ke$ha, etc)** using her laptop. Then her cellphone rang and she answered it.

"Hello?" Amy greeted.

"Hi, sweetheart" Frank greeted.

"Hey, Daddy,, how's it going?" Amy asked.

"I'm living in the Griffins' attic until I get an apartment" Frank answered.

"Oh, Daddy, I'd wish you can live with us" Amy said "I don't wanna see my daddy living like a bum"

"I'll be fine, I just need a job" Frank replied.

"Wait...I can help you with that!" Amy said.

"Really?" Frank asked.

"I'll be in the Griffins' house early before school" Amy answered "See you tomorrow" she phoned off.

"What a wonderful daughter I have" Frank commented.

Next morning at James Woods High School. Since Brian and Tracy got into a relationship, Dylan was transferred to James Woods High School in the same classroom with Meg, Eddie and Matt.

"I'm glad you're studying with us" Meg said.

"Thanks, it was my mom's idea to socialize with my friends" Dylan said "Yes, pretty embarrassing"

"You know what's embarrassing?" Eddie asked "My mother asking me how she looks every time she has to wear a new lingerie"

"You know what's embarrassing?" Meg asked "Hearing my parents having sex almost every night. I've lived with that for 18 freaking years!"

"You won this round, girlfriend" Eddie said.

"At least your mothers are still alive...mine passed out over a year" Matt said with a sad tone "Sophie misses her so bad"

"Sorry about that, buddy" Eddie said.

Suddenly, Principal Shepard came in the classroom.

"Good morning, class, we have a new student today, please give him a warm welcome" Principal Shepard said.

The new student came in...it was Axel Everett.

"Axel Everett?!" Meg/Eddie/Dylan asked.

"Calm down, Ms. Griffin, Mr. Walker and Flannigan, allow me to introduce you to Axel K. Everett" Principal Shepard said "Tell us about yourself, Mr. Everett"

"My name is Axel Everett. Don't mess with me and I won't f*ck you up" Axel said in monotone voice.

"Really, that's all? What a dumbass" a random jock commented.

"Silence, you asinine neanderthal from the depths of the mammal evolutionary chain" Axel warned pointing at him with his finger.

The jock was so confused by the smart words that his head exploded (in a slapstick way).

"***sighed*** we lose many of our cool kids that way" Principal Shepard said "You behave now, Mr. Everett"

Axel took a seat and he winked his left eye to the guys.

"Did you miss me?" Axel asked.

"Great, I hope there's no other person I dislike" Eddie commented..

Meanwhile in the hallways; there's Amy and Frank wearing a red hat, a fake mustache, a red sweater written 'COACH', blue sweatpants and white tennis

"Amy, are you sure this is gonna work?" Frank asked "I look like an Italian plumber who rescues a princess from an evil turtle-dragon"

"I don't want my brother to recognize you...yet" Amy said "And our old coach was fired"

"What happened?" Frank asked.

"Let's just say it was one of the cheerleaders' fault" Amy answered.

**Flashback**

The cops were arresting the former coach while Connie was covered with a blanket.

"Don't worry, Ms. D'Amico, this bastard will never try to rape you again" Principal Shepard said "Are you gonna be fine?"

"I guess" Connie said as the principal left and her friends appeared.

"Did it work?" Gina asked.

"Absolutely" Connie answered satisfied "I hope he learns a valuable lesson about NOT criticizing my cheerleading skills"

**Flashback's end**

"Thank you very much for helping me in getting a job" Frank thanked "You really don't have to do this for me"

"Daddy, it's my duty as your daughter to help you in anything" Amy said "Besides, this could be a chance to help my brother and get along as a father and son should do"

"Wait, what?" Frank asked confused.

"Now get there and show the boss who's...you know, the boss!" Amy said pushing his dad to the principal office "Oh Amy, you did it again" suddenly Frank came out of the office.

"I got the job!" Frank said.

"Wow, that was fast" Amy commented "How did you get it?"

**Flashback**

Principal Shepard was interviewing Frank.

"What makes you think you're suitable for the coach charge?" Principal Shepard asked.

"I've been in the army" Frank answered.

"You're hired" Principal Shepard replied.

**Flashback's end**

"Well, I'll go to my new office" Frank said "And Amy: thank you"

"I'll see you after school, maybe we can do something together" Amy said.

"Okay, see you after school" Frank agreed "Again, what a wonderful daughter I have"

Meanwhile in the lunch room; the guys were meeting Axel better.

"So you came to school, because...?" Dylan adked.

"Because I wanted to take a break of my hunting business" Axel said.

"But, how old are you?" Edde asked "19? 20?"

"17 years old" Axel said "But I drank A LOT of milk when I was a baby. That's why I look older"

Suddenly, Meg with the face painted like...a clown.

"Oh my god, Meg, what happened to you?" Eddie asked.

"I asked Connie if we can make-up together and we did it...but she made my face to look like a clown!" Meg said crying.

"That's bad" Dylan commented.

"***laughing*** I must confess you look really funny!" Chris said.

"Shut up, Chris!" Meg shouted still crying.

"I'm gonna talk with that young lady" Eddie said.

"What you're gonna tell her? *imitating Eddie* Connie, apologize to my girlfriend" Axel mocked "*normal voice* what that bitch needs is same punishment. Axel-style"

"God, I wish we could live in a world where bullying doesn't exists" Eddie said "Can you imagine how wonderful could be?"

**Eddie's fantasy sequence**

There's a wedding where Meg and Eddie are married.

"We did it, Meg" Eddie said "After ALL these years of unbreakable friendship"

"And the best part: you never treated me like crap A SINGLE DAY" Meg said.

"I love you, Meg" Eddie said.

"I love you too, Eddie..." Meg replied "Eddie...Eddie...Eddie..."

**Eddie's fantasy sequence's end**

"EDDIE!" Meg called him to snap him out.

"Uh, what?" Eddie asked snapped out.

"Did you just dream about me again?" Meg asked.

"Ah...no" Eddie answered nervously.

"Anyway, I'll go clean my face" Meg said leaving.

"Phew...I thought she never leave" Axel said.

"Because she's ugly?" Chris asked.

"No, because I want to invite you guys to a strip club" Axel said.

"Okay, two things: one: I have a girlfriend. And two: you must be 21 to enter these places" Eddie explained.

"Leave the fake IDs to me" Axel said.

**Flashback (or forward scene)**

Axel was pointing at Neil with his Desert Eagle (his second weapon) while he's making the fake IDs.

"Hurry up or I'll blow out your brains!" Axel said.

"What did I do to deserve this?" Neil asked.

**Flashback (or forward scene)'s end**

After school; Amy and Frank (wearing a red jacket, white shirt, jeans and brown shoes) were in a music store.

"Wow, this music store didn't change a bit" Amy commented.

"It's like we went back in time" Frank replied "Remember when we always come here to sing some songs?"

"How can I still forget it?" Amy asked "Can you still sing?"

"I don't know, I'm afraid that my singing voice got a little rusty" Frank answered

"How 'bout this: I sing a song and you played the guitar" Amy said.

"Okay, I hope my guitar skills didn't get rusty too" Frank replied.

After a while practice a little, Frank and Amy began to play the song 'The Show' by Lenka.

_Amy:_

_I'm just a little bit caught in the middle_

_Life is a maze and love is a riddle_

_I don't know where to go, can't do it alone_

_I've tried and I don't know why_

_I'm just a little girl lost in the moment_

_I'm so scared but I don't show it_

_I can't figure it out, it's bringing me down_

_I know I've got to let it go and just enjoy the show_

"You're amazing, sweetheart" Frank praised.

"I think I just slipped in the second act" Amy said.

"Are you kidding? You sing like Madonna from the 80's" Frank replied.

**Cutaway**

There's a concert of the 80's featuring Madonna.

_Ladies and gentlemen...,MADONNA!_

The young Madonna appears wearing one of her famous costumes she used the wear in that time while everybody cheers.

"She's fabulous!" A guy commented.

"Yeah, I hope she doesn't turn fat with her boobs falling down 25 years later" another guy replied.

**Cutaway's end**

Meanwhile Eddie, Chris, Dylan, Zack (he was invited) and Axel were in downtown and found the strip club (Matt couldn't come, because he has to take care Sophie).

"Here we are, another place I like to come after my hunts" Axel said.

"I'm gonna see some boobs!" Chris cheered.

"I hope these fake IDs work" Dylan said.

"I'm still not gonna come in" Eddie said "The only person who can turn me on is my girlfriend and I won't cheat on her"

"Come on, she's not even hot" Axel said "Besides: it's not cheating if you don't f*ck with anyone else"

Suddenly, Eddie imagines his angel-self on his right shoulder.

"Don't listen to him!" Angel Eddie said "Meg will never forgive us"

Then Eddie's devil-self appeared on his left shoulder.

"Don't be such a wuss, just get a lap dance and get the hell out of there" Devil Eddie said.

"Okay, what's gonna happen in my future as movie director if I listen to him?" Eddie asked.

"_Jack and Jill 2_, a movie version of _ALF_ and _Cars 3_" Devil Eddie answered with annoyance.

"What if I do the otherwise?" Eddie asked.

"_Star Wars_ Sequel Trilogy, a Marvel Studios movie and _The Incredibles 2_" Angel Eddie answered with confidence.

**(A/E: Just to be clear: it's truth that there will be a _Star Wars_ Sequel Trilogy since George Lucas sold Lucasfilm to Disney. Unfortunately, yes, there will be a movie version of _ALF_)**

"I'll listen to my angel-self" Eddie said.

"Yes, in your face!" Angel Eddie said as they both disappeared.

"Sorry, I'm going home" Eddie said.

"Well, I guess you leave me no choice" Axel said as he used tape to wrapped Eddie's arms to his body, so he can't escape and they dragged him into the strip club "Let's get some boobs"

"Yeah!" Chris cheered.

"NO! I don't wanna do a movie version of _ALF_!" Eddie screamed.

"_ALF_?" Zack asked confused.

They got into the strip club full of sexy girls wearing bikinis, lingerie, fetish costumes, etc. And men just babbling for them and giving up their money.

"Wow, this club is full of new chicks, it's our lucky day" Axel said.

"Hey, little guy" a blonde woman in a red bikini greeted Eddie seducing him "You're so cute..."

"Thanks, miss...?" Eddie asked her name.

"Cadence, but you can call me whatever you want..." Cadence said.

"Well, Miss Cadence, can we talk in private?" Eddie asked

"For you, anything, dear..." Cadence answered.

They both took a private room to talk.

"Yup, I knew his relationship with Meg wouldn't last" Chris said.

"Wait, I think I saw a guy who seems familiar" Zack said looking at a guy wearing a beige coat, fedora and black glasses "Hey, you! Do we know each other?"

"Ah...no, you don't know me at all" the guy said with a familiar voice.

"Wait a minute, I know that voice" Chris said taking out his fedora and glasses...it was Matthew Ryder.

"MATT!" Zack and Chris exclaimed.

"Who's that guy?" Dylan asked.

"This is Matthew Ryder, Meg's childhood friend" Chris answered "He also fought Eddie in a fencing duel and he got his ass kicked"

"Let me guess, you're here to drown your sadness with booze and chicks" Axel said.

"No, I'm just here for..." Matthew said.

Ladies and gentlemen, or should I say gentlemen? the main event of the club: JAINA ANGEL RYDER!

The stripper appeared while all the men cheered: she's a young woman about her 20's with a long dyed white/silver hair that reaches her hips. She's wearing an silver tube top with a matching thong under a dark gray skirt and dark gray go-go boots. She's also wearing fake angel wings as part of her costume** (A/E: Thank you very much A Lazy Heroine for helping me with her outfit)**. All the guys were surprised, but Matthew was blushing of extremely embarrassment

"What's the matter? Angel chicks don't attach you?" Axel asked.

"She's my older sister..." Matthew confessed.

"Oh my god, Eddie should be here to see that!" Zack said "I wonder if he's already done with that stripper"

Meanwhile in the lap dance room; Cadence was crying while Eddie was comforting her.

"My parents disowned me, because I abandoned college" Cadence said "I really wanted to finish it. But I married some jackass who ended up cheating on me. I was out of money and that's why I'm working here!"

"Yeah, we all made mistakes in the past, even me" Eddie said "But look: what you can do is trying to make amends to your parents and find another job. Maybe as a waitress"

"Oh, thank you very much" Cadence thanked giving him a hug "Your girlfriend is lucky to have such a faithful boyfriend like you"

"You're welcome, I really appreciate the comment" Eddie replied

Dylan appeared to look for Eddie.

"There you are, you have to see what this club has" Dylan said.

"I have to go, don't forget what I told you" Eddie said leaving.

Jaina continues dancing until her erotic music is over and everybody cheers. Then she looked at Matthew along the crowd.

"MATTIE!" Jaina cheered going out stage and giving a hug to his younger brother "Looks like my little brother is now a man"

"Get off me, I thought Karen and Richard told you about getting a REAL job, not some place to express your sexual feelings!" Matthew scolded her.

"Did you just call Mom and Dad for their real names?" Jaina asked a little surprised "That's a little rude, don't you think?"

"Yeah, take a chill pill, pal" Axel replied "We're all friends here"

"You won't introduce me to your friends?" Jaina asked.

"My name is Dylan Flannigan" Dylan greeted.

"Hi, I'm Chris Griffin" Chris greeted.

"Oh my god, you must be Matthew's childhood friend's brother" Jaina said messing with his hair "You grown up so much!"

"Ah...hi, I'm Eddie Walker, I was your brother's bully in elementary school" Eddie said a little ashamed "I'm truly sorry for that"

"Did he apologize to you?" Jaina asked.

"I sorta had my revenge" Matthew answered.

"Then you're my friend too!' Jaina said hugging Eddie.

"Ah...thanks?" Eddie thanked blushing, because he got hugged by two girls sexier than Meg.

"Zack Murdock, I'm single and I'm ready to get laid" Zack said.

"Did you bring a condom?" Jaina asked.

"No" Zack answered.

"Sorry, only responsible guys" Jaina replied.

"Damn it!" Zack cursed.

"But I have condoms" Axel said "Axel Everett, hunter, playboy, kickass and nothing can't stop me"

"Looks like we have a winner, ladies and gentlemen" Jaina said "Wanna a private lap dance?"

"Always" Axel answered.

"Can we come too?" Chris asked.

"Of course, you're all welcome to my world" Jaina said.

"God, this is more humiliating than laughing in a funeral!" Matthew complained.

**Cutaway**

There' a funeral featuring a dead woman.

"Mary Lou was a good woman" the priest said "Although she died with a tampon stuck in..." He heard somebody chuckling "As I said, although she died with a tampon stuck in her..." He heard that chuckling again "Okay, who's interrupting me?"

"Sorry, I have a flu, please continue" the guy said.

"Okay, although she died with a tampon stuck in her vagina..."

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The guy laughed so hard "What a stupid bitch!"

"That's it, get him out of here!" the priest ordered angered.

Some family members took the guy away.

"Wait, I was just joking!" the guy begged "I won't do it again!"

**Cutaway's end**

In the private room; Jaina was giving Axel a lap dance as she asked while everybody was watching.

"So, your friends told me that you hunt for a living, it must be lonely driving by yourself" Jaina said.

"Not really, on days I am not hunting, I find ways to cope with my needs." Axel said.

"You know, if you don't have a place to stay, you can come to live me and my mother" Dylan said "We live in a pretty big apartment"

"I'll think about that" Axel said.

"So...since when you work in this place?" Dylan asked

"Since I quit my other job as a hooker" Jaina answered "There were a lot of rapists"

"I can kill some of them if you want it" Axel said

"Naw...while I don't get raped, everything is gonna be fine for me" Jaina replied

"That's it, I'm out of here" Matthew said already annoyed.

Matthew was about to leave, but Eddie followed him.

"What's wrong, Matthew?" Eddie asked

"I can't stand her!" Matthew answered outraged "She's a complete sexed-up!"

"Hey, I know how it feels to have a sister who's very different from you" Eddie said "It's not that bad"

"Tell me when your sister goes crazy and wants to have sex with any

guy" Matthew said "Then I'll say 'I told you so'"

She's not gonna become a whore" Eddie replied "She's an innocent and carefree young girl"

Meanwhile; Amy and Frank were walking down streets (it's already night) like father and daughter.

"That was a good time we spent together" Frank said "And the movie we watched was pretty cool"

"It has a lot of video game references" Amy said.

But then a group of three punks appeared and assaulted them.

"Ah, what the...?!"

"Give me all the money you have, buddy!" Punk #1 said.

"Or your little girl will have a good time with us" Punk #2 said with a knife in her throat, but Amy doesn't seems scared.

"AMY!" Frank screamed.

"What's the matter?" Punk #3 asked "You don't wanna fight with us?"

"I can't, I made a promise to myself that I'll never fight again" Frank answered.

"But I didn't" Punk #3 said starting to punch him in the stomach

When Amy saw what he was doing to her father, she finally had enough...

"Leave...my...Daddy...ALONE!" Amy screamed.

She began to use her karate moves to kick every punk's ass. Frank and the leader punk were surprised for seeing a young teenage girl kicking ass. When Amy finished the two, she challenges the leader waving her hand that means 'Come and get me if you dare'. The leader didn't think twice when he tried to hit her, but Amy was faster and stronger. She hits him in several parts of his body, he was already weak and Amy was ready for the final blow.

"Mercy is for the weak" Amy said darkly "I don't train karate to be merciful. If a man faces you, he's the enemy. The enemy deserves no mercy!" She lets out a karate yell and throws the chop, stopping his hand an inch away from the scared punk's face. She honks the punk's nose. "HONK! HAHAHAHAHA! You totally bought it, didn't you?"

The punks recovered and they were just shaking of fear.

"I don't wanna see you guys around!" Amy warned as they nodded "BOO!" the punks ran away as chickens "Are you okay, Daddy?"

"Sweetheart...I don't know what to say..." Frank said completely astonished "You're..."

"Unbelievable? The strongest girl you ever know?" Amy asked guessing what her father wants to say.

"The most wonderful daughter that any father could have" Frank said giving her a hug "Maybe you're strong and you can take care of yourself. But you'll always be my beautiful baby girl"

"Oh, Daddy" Amy said.

"***crying*** I still don't think I deserve you after all the pain I caused to your mother and your brother" Frank said "I am such a jackass"

"Don't say that!" Amy snapped him out "You're my Daddy, if it wasn't for you, I would never exist. You give me strength to do anything. I'll never let you go. I promise to help you to recover the lost time and we can be a family again"

"You're right, sweetheart" Frank said "I won't rest until I get my family back"

Finally back with our heroes; the strip club was about to close and the guys were leaving. Jaina (her true hair color is coal/sooty black) is now wearing her everyday clothes: a black tank top with a white skirt with a black lace g-string thong under it, gray mary jane shoes and a gold hairclip.

"Good-bye, guys!" Jaina said "Come again soon!"

"See you next time ***wink***" Axel said.

"Okay, now that everybody left, can we go home?" Matthew asked.

"Matthew, I'm very sorry for embarrass you" Jaina said "Please don't tell Mom and Dad that I'm working in a strip club. I know they're not our real parents..."

"I won't, but I'm worried that one of these days you'll get abused by some horrible man" Matthew said.

"Oh, Mattie, thanks for being worried about me" Jaina said messing with his hair "You're the most beloved little brother that any big sister could have"

"Just one question: did you sleep with Axel?" Matthew asked.

"Better: we got a three way" Jaina answered.

**Flashback**

Chris and Dylan walks into a private bedroom to find him doing it with Jaina Ryder.

"OH MY GOD! You doing it with Ryder's sister?!" Dylan asked, "How is that possible?!"

"I am persuasive." Axel merely said.

"How persuasive?" Chris asked.

Then Roberta Tubbs peeks her head from under the sheets.

"Why are we stopping?" Roberta asked.

"Very" Axel Everett said.

**Flashback's end**

"Did you do it with a girl too?" Eddie asked.

"I'm bisexual and I persuaded her too" Jaina said "She wanted to take a break from her terrible white rapper of a boyfriend, so she asked her step-father to come to Quahog"

"It was against my will" Cleveland said appearing from nowhere "But at least I spent time with my old friends. YEAH! You wanna hear about the crazy adventure we had?"

"No, thanks" Jaina and Matthew said.

**(A/E: Besides, this chapter is almost over)**

"Oh..." Cleveland groaned disappointed

**End of the...wait, I almost forgot it!**

Next day in James Woods High School; Connie opened her locker making a bucket of boiling oil fell over her and she suffered severed burns.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Connie screamed of pain.

Meg was laughing at Connie, because she got her revenge.

"What? If my mom survived from boiling oil for french fries, so that bitch too" Meg said breaking the fourth-wall.

**End of the chapter**

**(A/E: I hope you guys don't mind to introduce Jaina Ryder as Matthew Ryder's older sister instead of his daughter. It's because Jaina is one of my favorite OCs and it's a shame that Bhaalspawn deleted 'Tale of a Valkyrie' without leaving us a reason, at least as far as I know. Anyway, don't forget to write your comment! ;))**


	16. Matt Kennedy and the Spellbook

**Chapter 16: Matt Kennedy and the Spellbook**

**(A/E: As you guys know: Spellbook is now over, but I promised Ander Arias to continue his legacy with this fanfic. So this is what happens if Matt gets the Spellbook instead of Meg. Enjoy it!)**

Matt and Axel were in a weapons store.

"Wow, are you gonna teach Zack how to use a gun for real?" Matt asked.

"I never break my promises" Axel answered.

"Where do you learn to use these weapons?" Matt asked.

"My father used to take me hunting animals" Axel answered "We hunted bears, deers, wolves, etc"

"Wow, and mine is a boring lawyer" Matt commented.

"Ragnarok is my old man's favorite weapon and mine is the Desert Eagle" Axel explained showing these two weapons "But since he and my mom died when I was a kid, I had to make my own way to survive"

"No wonder why some people say that you put the 'B' and 'S' in the words 'Badass' and 'Survivor' respectively" Matt commented "Otherwise it would be just 'BS' which it means 'Bullsh...'"

"Okay, I got it. I think this gun is perfect for Zack" Axel said holding a Browning 9x19 mm Hi-Power handgun.

After buying Zack's weapon; Matt stared at the shop's neon: it can be red 'The Crow: exotic articles'.

"Let's go to that store" Matt said.

"Are you sure?" Axel asked "This place looks somewhere that goths come after getting an argument with their parents"

"Come on, this could be interesting" Matt said

They got into the store.

"Hello?" Matt asked as he and Axel entered in the store. It was full of strange items; like human organs in jars, different kinds of bottles, books, and witchery items.

"Welcome to my realm of DARKNESSS!" a voice shouted behind them, as a loud thunder was heard.

They gasped and saw the origin of the voice: a short old man, dressed with a black robe. He was bald, with a few gray hairs on his head, very big black eyes and there were only a few teeth in his mouth.

"What can I do for you, gentlemen?" the man asked, who appeared to be the shop's clerk.

"God, this guy is creepy" Matt commented.

"We're just looking around, but we gotta go" Axel said,

"Oh...I'm sure I have something interesting for you" The clerk said

"Well, what do you sell?" Matt asked.

"Excellent question: I have plenty of articles perfect for any guy like you in my hallways of EVIL!" He laughed as another thunder was heard.

"Why every time you shout a word like that, a thunder is heard?" Matt asked

"I don't know, this place reacts with thunders when somebody shouts words like evil, darkness, doom…" the clerk explained

Yeah, I know: doom, evil, hell, darkness, disney, blah, blah, blah" Axel said unimpressed.

"As I said: what do you sell?" Matt asked

"THIS!" said the man as he carried back a big leather bound book. "It's a spellbook from a true witch who was burnt in Salem"

"Spellbook?" Axel asked skeptical "There's no such thing as magic. Magic is for idiots who'll never get laid"

"Well, I played _Dungeons and Dragons, Warcraft_, and _the Legend of Zelda_" Matt said "I'd like to buy it"

"Only 9.90" the man said "It's full of spells and curses, and it's said that can even open the gates of...! "

"Shut up and take my money (_Futurama_ reference)!" Matt said taking out his money.

Meanwhile; Eddie and Zack were in the arcade playing 'Disney vs. DreamWorks'. Eddie was using Princess Belle from _Beauty and the Beast_ and Zack was using Po from _Kung Fu Panda_. Princess Belle used her finishing move: calling the Beast to slice Po in a cartoony way.

_**Princess Belle Wins!**_

"Oh yeah, and that's why Disney is better than DreamWorks!" Eddie cheered.

"Next time I'll use Toothless from _How to Train your Dragon_" Zack said until he saw a girl dancing in _Dance Dance Revolution_.

The girl was blue-haired, she was wearing golden skull earrings, a black top of Linkin Park, metal waistbands, ripped jeans and white converses.

"Are you still looking at that girl?" Eddie asked.

"She's awesome, man" Zack answered "She's a cool dancer, pretty and I want her to have my kids"

"What?" Eddie asked.

"What?" Zack asked avoiding the question.

"You've been watching her for two weeks and you never even talk to her" Eddie explained.

"I only have one problem..." Zack said.

After finishing the game, the girl went back to a guy who's wearing his green hoodie on, black glasses, blue scarf covering his mouth, grey military congo pants and black sneakers.

"Sorry, if she's dating someone else, you can't do anything about it" Eddie said.

"No, look at them, they seem to be friends" Zack replied "Well, I'm gonna put this guy in the friendzone permanentely"

"And how you're gonna do that?" Eddie asked.

"That's it!" Zack exclaimed getting an idea "I'm gonna ask a girl I know to pretend to be my girlfriend and make that girl jealous"

"Zack, that's a really bad..."

"Don't worry, I know you're dating Meg" Zack said "I have to go, wish me luck!" he leaves.

"Zack, wait!" Eddie called "Dear Lord, Zack's idea is worse than Shia LaBeouf's audition to become the new Superman"

**Cutaway**

Shia LaBeouf was auditioning for Zack Snyder's _Man of Steel_.

"Come on, I'm perfect to be Superman!" Shia LaBeouf said.

"Sorry, but I've already seen you in the _Transformers_' films and...you're a little whiny" Zack Snyder said.

"I'm not whiny!" Shia LaBeouf said starting to cry "You guys are jerks!"

He ran away crying like a little girl.

**Cutaway's end**

In the Kennedy's house; Matt was in his room reading the book he bought.

Wow, this book is full of awesome things, even if it looks like from the 17th Century" Matt commented.

Suddenly; Sophie entered his room.

"Hey, Matt!" Sophie called "What are you reading?"

"Sophie, get out of my room!" Matt demanded.

"You didn't answered my question" Sophie said taking a look of the Spellbook "What does that book have?

"Nothing, it's none of your business" Matt asked.

"Okay, but I'm telling Dad you were using his computer without his permission to download a game online" Sophie said about to leave.

"Wait, stop!" Matt ordered, but Sophie was out "I said STOP!"

Suddenly he shot lighting spark from his hand and attacked Sophie. Fortunately she was intact, but she couldn't move.

"Sophie?" Matt asked as she didn't answer, he even waved his hand in front of her face to catch her attention "Oh my god..." he took a look at his book and he realized that he used an immobilization spell "This can't be..." he turned the pages to find something to cancel the spell "Okay, let's see if this works" he snapped his fingers to make a spark that made Sophie moving normally.

"Whoa!" Sophie screamed falling down for being unable to move that long, she then cried.

"Oh god, Sophie!" Matt exclaimed "Are you okay?"

"My knee hurts..." Sophie answered brimming tears.

"I'll get you a band-aid..." Matt taking her to the kitchen where they have band-aids "The clerk from the store wasn't lying..."

Eddie was in his room doing his homework until he received a phone call.

"Hello?" Eddie asked.

A line divided the screen to show him and Zack talking by phone.

"Hey, it's me Zack" Zack said.

"Hi, Zack" Eddie greeted "Did you get a girl to pretend being your girlfriend?"

"No, I asked every girl and they said..."

**Flashback**

He tried with Jaina.

"In your dreams" Jaina answered.

He tried with Katie.

"Nohow (no way)" Katie answered.

He even tried with...Connie.

"Get away from me, you bum!" Connie insulted him.

**Flashback's end**

"Luckily, Axel was here to punch her in the face and then he puts a dead cat on her while she was unconscious" Zack said "Hey, can you tell your sister...?"

"NEVER!" Eddie exclaimed on his dragon form "**I WILL NEVER LET YOU TO USE HER LIKE A PUPPET**!" He turns back to normal "Besides: she's 15 years old"

"Damn it!" Zack cursed "I guess I'll never get...wait a minute" he looked at an magazine about Quahog's First Fashion Show with Emma Walter on the cover "I can ask Emma Walter, one of the models of Quahog"

"No way, I'm not gonna dress like her again...oh crap" Eddie asked.

"Wait, are YOU Emma Walter?" Zack asked totally astonished "I never thought you like crossdressing"

"I-I don't!" Eddie replied blushing "I was just helping my mother in her fashion show"

"Well, you can help ME by pretending to be my girlfriend" Zack said.

I said 'No way', besides I'm dating Meg" Eddie refused.

"If you don't help me, I'm gonna tell everyone about your...female identity" Zack said.

"***groan*** Okay...I'll do it" Eddie said.

"Perfect, you better dress up pretty" Zack said "I wanna make a good impression"

When Zack hang off, Eddie went to his 'secret closet'. He took out his wig and a set of bra and panties.

"I guess Emma is back" Eddie said.

Next day in James Woods High School; our heroes were having lunch while Matt is still reading the book.

"Matt, if you keep reading that book, you're gonna become a geek" Axel said "Although you're already a geek"

"But this book is really magical" Matt replied.

"That's impossible, just because it looks ancient that doesn't mean it has powers" Dylan explained.

"I'm gonna show you" Matt said "Look at Scott over there"

Scott was eating his potato soup until he noticed it was bubbling and then...***SPLASH**!* the soup exploded in front of his face.

"Wow...you didn't lie" Dylan said impressed.

"That was cool!" Chris cheered.

"Come on, I'm pretty sure the potato soup was unstable or something like that" Axel said unimpressed.

"Oh yeah? How 'bout THIS!" Matt asked snapping his fingers.

"Nothing happened" Axel said.

"Take a look at inside of your pants" Matt told him.

Axel took at inside of his pants and...

"OH MY F*CKING GOD!" Axel screamed of horror.

"What happened?" Dylan asked "He made your penis disappear?"

"No, but I'm not wearing any underwear" Axel answered "It disappeared"

"Do you believe me now?" Matt asked.

"I guess I do, but if you make my penis disappear, I kill you" Axel answered.

"Cool, I became a wizard like Gandalf or Dumbledore!" Matt cheered.

**Flashback**

It shows a duel between these two powerful wizards.

"I am the strongest wizard!" Dumbledore said.

"No, I AM the strongest wizard!" Gandalf corrected.

"I am the headmaster of a school of magic!" Dumbledore said.

"I am the leader of a fellowship to destroy the One Ring and save Middle-Earth!" Gandalf said.

"I guided Harry Potter to face the Dark lord!" Dumbledore said.

"I guided Bilbo Baggins and his nephew in their most dangerous adventures!" Gandalf said.

"I sacrificed myself to save Harry Potter!" Dumbledore said.

"I sacrificed myself to save the Fellowship of the Ring AND I resurrected as Gandalf The White!" Gandalf said.

**(A/E: Well, I guess Gandalf wins. Sorry, Dumbledore, I like you, but Gandalf is more badass and the actor who played him was nominated by an Oscar)**

"While yours was replaced after the second movie" Gandalf added.

"Damn you!" Dumbledore cursed.

**Flashback's end**

After school; Meg and Eddie came out at the same time.

"Can we walk together, honey?" Meg asked.

"I'd love it, but I remembered I had to do...something, bye!" Eddie said leaving.

Meg was suspicious about Eddie's behavior, so she decided to follow him. She saw that he was taking out a gym bag from the brushes. Eddie kept walking while Meg continued following him as long he doesn't sees her. Eddie arrived at the park, where he entered a public bathroom...in the girls' room. Meg feared the worst, so she didn't think twice when she entered. She was looking for him in one of the toilets...she finally found the one he was using and opened the door. He was wearing black pantyhose, and he was hooking up a white BRA!

"AH!" Eddie screamed.

"EDDIE!" Meg shouted "What the hell are you doing?!"

"This is not what it looks like!' Eddie answered.

"You're crossdressing!' Meg said hysterical "I can't believe my OWN boyfriend is wearing girls' clothes!"

"I have an explanation" Eddie said "Zack couldn't find a girl to pretend to be his girlfriend, so he can make a girl he likes jealous"

"And YOU offered yourself?!" Meg asked.

"He blackmailed actually" Eddie answered "I don't know why you're acting hysterical. You told me you crossdress too"

"I LIED!" Meg confessed "I made it up, so you don't feel ashamed for dressing like a girl. I thought you'll never do that again when we began to date!"

"You think I enjoy this?" Eddie asked "You think I like wearing this constricting bra? Although I must confess I like wearing panties and pantyhorse"

"Take them off right now!" Meg demanded.

"Come on, if I don't do it, Zack will reveal my secret" Eddie begged "Then I'll be humiliated for the rest of my life"

"***sighed*** okay, I guess you have no choice" Meg said "Let me help you with your make-up!"

Meg helped her boyfriend with the crossdressing: she helped her to hook the bra while he puts on the breast forms, he puts on the rest of the clothes and the wig, then Meg applied on him the make-up: eyelash, foundation, lipstick, etc. And she puts on the collar that changes his voice. Everything happened with a fragment of the song 'Part of Me' by Katy Perry.

_This is the part of me that you're never gonna ever take away from me, no_

_This is the part of me that you're never gonna ever take away from me, no_

_Throw your sticks and stones_

_Throw your bombs and your blows_

_But you're not gonna break my soul_

_This is the part of me that you're never gonna ever take away from me, no_

Eddie's transformation was completed: he was wearing the wig, gold hoop earrings, a burgundy sweater over an white turtleneck, a burgundy skirt, brown ugg boots, the rest of the fore mentioned outfit.

"You did a good job" Emma (Eddie) said, now with the voice of Natalie Portman.

"I must admit it, you look beautiful" Meg said.

"Thanks" Eddie thanked.

"Even...more beautiful than me" Meg said starting to cry.

"What's wrong, Meg?" Emma (Eddie) asked concerned.

"Nothing...I just need to be alone!" Meg said running away and crying.

"Meg, wait!" Emma (Eddie) called, but she was already gone "***sighed*** I must get over with this"

Meanwhile; Matt and Axel were in a toy store to test Matt's magic powers. Axel was holding a light-saber toy and Matt made the light-saber glow.

"Now the force is with me!" Axel said.

"Okay, let's test my psychic powers on...that little girl over there" Matt said wearing pink star-shaped plastic glasses.

He made a teddy bear float in front of the little girl and when she looked at it, she screamed, but she kept still looking at it.

"***laughing*** she just kept looking at it!" Axel said "***changing his voice*** I'm pedobear!" The girl finally ran away screaming "That was funnier than _Ted_!"

**(A/E: No offense Seth MacFarlane; I still liked your movie too)**

They left the toy store and they sat on a bench.

"This book is really awesome" Matt said.

"What else we can do?" Alex asked "Oh, I know: let's make Quagmire's penis disappear when he has sex with a woman, so I'd have my revenge"

"Let's see if I can find the disappearing spell..." Matt said looking through the pages "I think I found it..."

_**ZAAAAAP!**_

Matt accidentally casted the spell on Axel.

"AAAAAHHHH!" Axel screamed as he disappeared.

"Oh no, I made Axel disappeared!" Matt screamed.

_Hey, douchebag!_

"Axel, is that you?" Matt asked "Did I turn you invisible?"

_No, dumbass, down there!_

Matt looked at down and he realized Axel is now a 4 inch size person.

"What the f*ck did you do to me?!" Axel asked very angry.

"I guess I accidentally cast a shrinking spell" Matt said.

"You guess? Look at me!" Axel said stretching his pants "Even my 'big guy' shrank! What girl am I going to have sex with now? Thumbelina? Tinkerbell? Crysta from _FernGully: the Last Rainforest_?"

"Look, I'm sorry for shrinking you, I promise I'll reverse it" Matt said "A Kennedy never breaks a promise"

"God, this is worse than the time I caught Eddie and Meg having sex in the janitor's room!" Axel complained.

**Flashback**

Axel was vomiting in a toilet.

"How can he have sex with THAT girl?!" Axel kept throwing up.

**Flashback's end**

Meanwhile on the other side of the mall; Zack was waiting for 'Emma' in front of the arcade. Emma finally shows up.

"Just in time and you look REALLY hot!" Zack said.

"I hope you're happy, because I made Meg cry by my beauty" Emma (Eddie) said "Let's get over with this"

"You know, you should really crossdress like this every-"

"NOW!" Emma (Eddie) shouted with glowing white eyes like if she (he) was possessed (slapstick way).

"Okay, let's go" Zack said.

They got inside the arcade where they found the girl and her 'friend' playing a zombie hunting videogame and they got the high score.

"Wow, you guys know how to kick some zombies' ass!" Zack praised.

"Thank you, I'm Jessica and this is my friend Bren" Jessica greeted as Bren just waved his hand "Sorry, he's a little shy"

"That's okay, I'm Zack and this is my GIRLFRIEND Emma" Zack said.

"Hi" Emma (Eddie) greeted with a sweet tone.

"Wait, aren't you Emma Walter, one of the models of the Quahog's First Fashion Show?" Jessica asked.

"You said it" Emma (Eddie) replied.

"I'm your biggest fan although I don't like wearing skirts or tights" Jessica said "But you look good in that"

"Thanks" Emma (Eddie) thanked.

"Hey Bren, how 'bout a zombie hunting duel between you and me?" Zack asked as Bren just nodded of agreement.

"Eek, I don't like zombie games" Emma (Eddie) said acting like a disgusted girl "Let's go shopping!"

"Oh, I wanted to see the duel, but well, let's go" Jessica said.

"So, you're good on this game?" Zack asked as Bren just wave the hand which it means 'more or less' "Are you making fun of me? You think you're better than me? I'll show: I can kick more zombie asses than Milla Jovovich"

**Cutaway**

**Milla Jovovich in**

**Resident Evil 55: Get out of my lawn!**

There's a very old Alice shooting zombies with a shotgun.

"Get out of my lawn!" Old Alice said shooting until.. " AH! My back!"

**Cutaway's end**

Meanwhile in the park; Matt was still looking for some spell to turn Axel back to normal.

"Can you hurry up? I hate being small like an ant" Axel said.

"Okay, let's see if it's this!" Matt said casting a spell to Axel...only to make his ears bigger.

"Great, now I'm Dumbo" Axel said.

"How 'bout THIS?!" Matt casted another spell making Axel's nose bigger.

"Now I look like Woody Allen!" Axel complained.

"No, no, no,where's the growing spell?" Matt asked casting another and made Axel's head bigger, his entire head is back to normal, but his body remains small.

"Now I know how Mr. Mackey from _South Park_ feels" Axel said.

"Can you stop mentioning people or cartoon characters every time I cast you a spell?" Matt asked.

"Okay, great and powerful Matt, can we just stop acting like idiots and go back to that creepy store, so that creepy man can turn me back to normal and give back that cursed book?" Axel asked.

"I guess that's the last resort" Matt said "This book causes nothing, but problems. Let's go back to the store, you'll get your normal size, I'll ask refund and we'll forget all about this"

"Yeah, that last one will be hard" Axel said.

Suddenly a woman appeared and saw Axel.

"Aw...what a cute child" the man cooed.

"Hey, I'm 'hot', not 'cute', bitch!" Axel said.

"AH, A DEMON CHILD!" The woman screamed running away.

"Let's hurry up, before that woman hires an exorcist"

"I tried to exorcise once" Axel said.

**Flashback**

A priest was teaching Axel how to exorcise a possessed man.

"I REALLY need to say 'the power of Christ compels you' while I throw him holy water?" Axel asked.

"Absolutely" the priest answered.

"You know, I don't really believe in God, so I'll make this quick" Axel said shooting at the possessed man just to make the demon getting out "F*CK OFF, DEMON!" he throws him the holy water making the demon disappear "See? Quick and easy"

**Flashback's end**

Meanwhile; Zack defeated Bren in the zombie game.

"I won! In your face, loser!" Zack cheered as Bren just nodded of defeated "I wonder if the girls finished shopping.

They got out and they found the girls in a My Little Pony store.

"Hey girls, what's up?" Zack asked.

"Look, Zack, they have a Fluttershy plush!" Emma (Eddie) said really excited "Can you buy it for me?"

"You really have a very girly girlfriend" Jessica said "I only came, because Rainbow Dash is my favorite"

"Of course, I'll buy it for you, honey" Zack said as he got inside of the store, so they can talk in private "Okay, dude, I know you have to act like a girl, but this is going too far"

"But Fluttershy is my favorite character and there's nothing wrong for a guy to like that show" Emma (Eddie) said "Besides: Meg and me, we both watch the show. She likes Twilight Sparkle"

"Still, I'm not gonna pay for it" Zack said.

"Ah-Ah-Ah, that's not how it works" Emma (Eddie) said waving her (his) finger "The guy must pay for everything"

"God damn it..." Zack muttered taking out his wallet.

After Zack bought the plush; they got back with Bren and Jessica.

"Listen: it was nice to hang out, but we better go" Jessica said.

"No, wait, ***getting nervous*** I-I...never shown you guys how IN LOVE I'm with Emma" Zack said.

"It's okay, it's not necessary" Jessica said.

"Yes, it is" Zack said "I'm gonna kiss her right here, right now!"

Zack took Emma's shoulders, making her to drop the flush and he lifted his lips ready for the kiss. Emma (Eddie) was so nervous that...

"Wait, STOP!" Emma (Eddie) said getting him off "I can't kiss you!" she (he) takes off the wig and the voice-changing collar "I'm a guy!"

"***gasped*** How could you?!" Zack asked acting surpised, just to get a deadly glaring from Eddie's Dragon eyes "Okay! I confess it! Jessica, I like you, but I thought you were with Bren, so I asked Eddie to crossdress, so he can pretend to be my girlfriend and make you jealous...I'm sorry"

"We already know Emma was a guy" Jessica said.

"Wait, you did?" Eddie/Zack asked surprised.

"I know crossdressers when I look at them, right Bren?" Jessica asked as Bren took off his sunglasses, scarf and hoodie just to reveal a beautiful ginger girl.

"You were a GIRL all this time?!" Zack asked totally surprised.

"My real name is Brenda" Brenda said "But I never feel pretty, so I dress like a guy, so nobody can see my face"

"Are you kidding? You look pretty cute" Eddie said "Maybe it's your shyness that makes your insecure"

"Thanks, I'm glad I'm not the only one who dress up like his opposite gender..." Brenda said "I promise we won't tell anybody"

"There's something I don't understand: if you already know about Eddie's female persona, why you didn't say anything?" Zack asked.

"Is that matter?" Jessica said chuckling a little.

"That means, we can have a date?" Zack asked.

"You're a cool guy: but, you're not my type" Jessica said "And we're leaving"

"Good-bye!" Brenda said as they both leave.

"Dude...my plan was totally pointless" Zack said.

"At least my secret is safe" Eddie said putting on his wig, collar and picked up his plush "Are you gonna be fine?"

"Yeah, I'm used to get rejected and dumped" Zack answered "Again, thank you for helping me"

"You're welcome, now if you excuse me, I have to comfort my girlfriend" Emma (Eddie) said leaving Zack as she (he) walked very feminine.

"Wow, Eddie has a sweet ass..." Zack commented until he slapped himself "Come on, Zack. You perfectly know you're not gay"

Meanwhile; Matt and Axel returned at the store where they bought the book, but they found the clerk closing his store.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Matt asked.

"I'm closing my store, I must get out of here" the man said.

"I wanna return this book and get my money back" Matt said.

"And don't forget to turn me back to normal!" Axel said.

"No refunds, sorry" the man said.

"Listen, old man, this book caused us so much trouble" Matt said.

"Look: I'm just a creepy man selling creepy stuff, I don't know what these objects do" the man said.

"Looks like you're hiding us something" Matt said opening the book ready to cast a spell "Spit it out or I'll make you small like my friend"

"Okay...I'll tell you" the man confessed "This book belonged to Miriam, she was a witch who lived with her sisters in the south of France in the XIII century. However she and her sisters were captured by the Inquisition, tortured and burned to death"

"Sounds interesting, can you turn me back to normal now?!" Axel asked.

"But it's possible their ghosts would be around looking for the book, so they can go back to life, that's why I had to sell it" the man explained.

"Yeah, if we have a problem, we call Ghostbusters" Axel said "I WANT MY NORMAL SIZE!"

"Oh, just drink this bloody potion!" the man said giving a him a potion.

Axel drank it and...BOOM! He turned back to normal.

"Finally!" Axel said happy to be normal "And this potion tastes delicious"

"Thanks, I made it with snake's urine and bear's sperm" the man said making Axel spitting it out with disgust.

"Look: maybe you don't know, but my father is a very good lawyer, so I can sue you for selling illegal stuff!" Matt said.

"Hey, you bought it, so it's not my problem anymore" the man said taking out a smoke ball "So long, you fools!"

He threw the smoke at the ground and he disappeared with the smoke.

"He's on my blacklist now..." Axel said.

"I can't believe I bought something powerful and dangerous..." Matt replied "I don't know if those ghosts are real or not. But you know what? I'm not gonna run away like a coward, I'll keep practicing the spells of this book and help people for now on. With great power comes great responsibility"

"Hey, that's my Uncle's phrase!" Spider-Man said from nowhere.

"Screw off, Spidey, your latest animated series (_Ultimate Spider-Man_) sucks!" Axel said "I mean who are you, Deadpool?"

"Ah...I better go" Spider-Man said as he leaves as he looked at us "Losers..."

Meanwhile in the Griffins' house (nobody's home now); Meg was in her room crying in her room...until she was visited by Eddie (still dressed as Emma).

"Hi, Meg" Emma (Eddie) greeted.

"Eddie, how did you entered my house?" Meg asked.

"You gave me a copy of your key?" Emma (Eddie) answered as she (he) takes out her (his) collar "Listen: I'm sorry for making you cry"

"It's not your fault, I was so sad, because my boyfriend looks more pretty and feminine than me" Meg said "I just wanna be pretty"

"Megan Mary Griffin, you're my girlfriend and for me there's no a woman more beautiful than you" Eddie said "Not even my favorite actresses: Amy Adams and Natalie Portman"

"Really?" Meg asked.

"Here..." Eddie said taking off the clothes, except the lingerie and gave it to Meg "Can you put these clothes on?

Few minutes later; Meg (without her hat and glasses) was wearing the clothes that Eddie gave her.

"Oh my god, I look gorgeous!" Meg said with a happy smile.

"I told you: nobody is prettier than you" Eddie said.

"Hey, my family won't be here in a couple of hours" Meg said "How about if we make...'lesbian love'?

"Okay..." Eddie said.

**(A/E: Sorry, this scene is so sexually graphic, so...here's Neil singing on the shower)**

_Neil:_

_Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles_

_Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles_

_Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles_

_Heroes in a half shell_

_Turtle power!_

**End of the chapter**

**(A/E: I based the Matt's plot on some chapters of Spellbook. I know it sucks that Spellbook was ended, but as I said before: I will continue Ander Arias's legacy.)**


	17. ROB-B

**Chapter 17: ROB-B**

**(A/E: This chapter was written with Shen's General's help, so don't be surprised if this chapter focus more on Axel)**

Eddie, Matt, Chris, Amy and Katie were in the Quahog's rodeo for a special event.

"What kind of special event is?" Eddie asked.

"The bull of my family was chosen for an endurance contest" Katie answered "He's gonna scrap a machine"

"A machine?" Chris asked.

"A robot" Katie answered.

"Cool, I like robots fighting each other!" Eddie said.

"I thought you hate those kind of fights" Amy said.

"No, I hate Transformers" Eddie said.

"And which robot your bull is gonna fight?" Matt asked.

_Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the special event of Quahog's Rodeo!_

***crowd cheering***

_At this corner we have a bull from Rose Farms: Billy Iron-head!_

"You can do it, Billy!" Katie cheered.

_And at the other conner we have a robot from a local guy: Walt the Wrecker!_

Walt the Wrecker was a red with a white stripe robot with a iron ball as its weapon.

"Who's the owner of the robot?" Matt asked.

"Me" Zack said next to them.

"ZACK?!" everybody asked surprised.

"You're controlling the robot?" Eddie asked.

"Yeah, I became a fighting robot manager" Zack answered "I got sick working as a zookeeper, so I bought a robot and turned it into a fighter for robot battles. Walt the Wrecker has won a lot of fights in the past and I'm sure he's gonna take that bull down"

"And how much money did you earn as manager?" Matt asked.

"Let's just say I don't own money to anyone" Zack answered as his cellphone rang and he answered it "Hello?

_Zack, where's my $5,000?_

"Don't worry, Larry, I got your money" Zack said.

_Larry? I'm Greg! Do you own money from Larry too?! You pay me first, you son of a bitch!_

"***getting nervous*** Ah...sorry, ***weird sounds*** I can't hear you...***weird sounds*** I'll call you later!" Zack said hung up and he noticed his friends were glaring at him "All right, I own some money to some people. But if my robot survived his fight for 5 minutes, I'll earn $3,000!"

"Well, good luck, pal" Katie said.

"Thanks, but I don't need it, Jessie (from _Toy Story_)" Zack said as he leaves.

"That's not my name" Katie said.

Billy and Walt the Wrecker are ready to fight. As the robot was red, that makes Billy...well, you know how a bull reacts when it sees red.

_Let's see if this animal can handle with this vicious machine in 5 minutes. And the fight...BEGINS!_

The bell rang and Billy tried to crush Walt. But Walt used his iron ball to hit his head.

_Billy Iron-head charges to crush Walt the Wreck. But...wow, looks like Walt the Wreck hits him with his iron ball!_

"Oh yeah, this is gonna be easy!" Zack cheered.

"Don't give up, Billy!" Katie told.

Billy stood up and he tried to crush Walt again. Unfortunately Walt used his iron ball again to hit Billy again.

_Three minutes remained and Billy Iron-head stands up, this animal is die hard. He charges and tries to crush him again. But...WOW! Walt the Wreck uses his weapon again! Billy looks pretty tired!_

"Come on, it's not fair for the animal if the robot has a weapon!" Eddie said "PETA is gonna be pissed"

"$3,000 is now in my pocket!" Zack cheered until Walt's iron ball fell down "Oh-Uh...'

_Oh! Looks like Walt the Wreck lost his secret weapon. One minute left and Billy Iron-head just doesn't give up._

"It's all yours, Billy!" Katie cheered.

Billy charged and with all his strengh, he crushed the robot against the wall. The bell rang, meaning this fight is over.

_The fight was done in 4 minutes, 25 seconds and Billy Iron-head is the winner!_

***crowd cheering***

"You did it, Billy!" Katie cheered "I'm so proud of you!"

"Although I couldn't say the same with Zack" Eddie said.

"Damn it, damn it, DAMN IT!" Zack cursed several times very pissed "Stupid robot!" he kicked the damaged robot, but he got his foot hurt "OW!"

"Zack, if you need money to pay your debts, I can burrow you" Eddie said "After all, my mother earn so much money every year"

"Thanks, Ed, but I prefer to earn money my way" Zack said "You know, like Wolverine in the last scene of his own movie"

**Cutaway**

Wolverine and Gambit were going different ways.

"Well, see you later, pal" Wolverine said.

"Wait, are gonna be...alone?" Gambit asked.

"Yeah" Wolverine answered.

"But you don't even have your memories!" Gambit said.

"Listen: my sucky movie's sequel must be great. If you come with me, many fans will remember you as John Carter and the guy from Battleship and walk away" Wolverine explained.

"Okay, as you wish" Gambit said leaving "Have fun with Japanese girls"

**Cutaway's end**

Later in the night; Axel was sleeping until his cellphone rang in his car,, he let out a huge yawn and answered the cellphone.

"Hello, Axel's speaking..." Axel greeted.

_Hey, kid, it has been a while..._

"Royce!" Axel exclaimed as his head accidentally hit the Impala's ceiling "OW!"

_Hit the Impala's ceiling again?_

"Yeah..." Axel answered rubbing his head "How you been, Roy? Found any good hunts?"

_Not exactly...look, kid, I need to talk to you about something...about your parents..._

"What?" Axel asked changing his face expression to a more serious one "What about my parents?"

_It's best that we have this conversation in person. Meet me at the Cabella's Diner at eleven. See you there._

***BEEP OFF***

Axel walked into the diner, looking around, trying to find his friend, and then he sees a man waving at him. The man looks like a typical hunter, with a hunter cap, vest, and boots, with denim jeans. He is in his 40s, has a scruffy beard, and untidy hair. Axel came to his booth...

"It is good to see you again, kid" Royce said giving him a hug "How long has it been?"

"About three months" Axel answered.

Oh yeah, we were hunting the El Chupacabra in New Mexico *laughing* " Boy, that was one crazy Cinco De Mayo!" Royce said.

"Roy, as glad as I am to see you, what is this about my parents?" Axel asked.

"Well, Axel, you better sit down..." Royce said as Axel sat down "First, I must ask, how have you been holding up lately?"

'I am fine" Axel said "I manage to meet some local kids, they seem okay"

"Good to hear that, okay, about your parents...you do remember how they died, right?' Royce asked.

Axel just had a black and white flashback; there was a home invasion, Axel's father got shot in the head and his mother got shot twice. The little Axel was shocked of horror when he saw them dead.

"How could I forget?" Axel asked with an angry expression "It's been four years and I still can't forget about what happened that night. I lost my parents because of some stupid robbers!" he slammed the table with his fist "Sorry...for my behavior"

"It's okay, look: I had been doing some research into the case...and I found something very disturbing" Royce explained "This wasn't a robbery...it was a hit"

'A hit? You mean, like on a hit list, as in being hunted by a mob, like Fat Tony from _the Simpsons_?" Axel asked.

"I am afraid it is more grave than Fat Tony" Royce said pulling out a case file "Look, Axel, if I show you this, you got to promise me you won't do anything stupid'

"Roy, if these guys had something to do with my parents' death, I need to know who they are" Axel said.

"***sighed*** Fine, don't say I didn't warn you" Royce said opening the file, to show an awesome picture of a phoenix, with wings spread and the letter S and P on it's chest "The people responsible for the death of your parents...worked for an crime syndicate called the Supremacy Phoenixes"

"The Supremacy Phoenixes?" Axel asked.

"Yes, this organization is the most infamous mafia in the entire world, with connections all over spanning back to the 1700s" Royce explained "For centuries, they had pulled off the greatest crimes, the most gruesome murders...heck, they had a play in the 9/11 attacks. And the worst part is that they are highly professional! The FBI, the CIA, the government, everyone had been trying to take them down for years, but they could never get any leads, and if they did, the mafia would have a clean-up guy take care of him. Anyone who knows anything about them ends up dead"

"Wait, if they did, then why are you alive?" Axel asked.

"Look, Axel, I know what you're capable to do, but this is a dangerous organization" Axel said "I know your parents' death had been hard, your father was a great man...but...

"But what? I should just live my life knowing there's people out there who think they are above the law? No way! If there's more, tell me now!" Axel demanded

"Please, I beg of you, don't go searching for..."

***BANG***

Everybody in the diner jumped of scare for the gunshot sound as Royce is then shot in the chest, horrifying Axel.

"OH GOD! SOMEBODY HELP!" Axel screamed.

Next day; Zack (who's living in his RV) was trying to fix the robot.

"Come on, this may be work..." Zack said reforcing a screw with the spanner, but it broke again "Damn it, I hate this stupid robot!"

Suddenly somebody banged the door, so Zack has to see who it is. It was a young redhead short hair woman, she's wearing a dark magenta shirt, black pants and beige boot heels.

"Hello Zack, it's been a long time" the young woman greeted.

"Nicole, what are you doing here?!" Zack asked really surprised "I thought you didn't want to see me again since I quit my job at Burger King"

**(A/E: Okay, I changed her appearance, but I didn't like the original design)**

"You promised me things when you would become Assistant Manager! Shiny things!" Nicole ranted like any despicable bitch "But NO! You weren't conformed with that; you were like ***imitating Zack*** 'I'm better than this'. ***normal voice*** Now, how do you make your living?"

"I'm a promoter of robots that kick ass" Zack answered as his robot continued tearing apart "He had a tough fight. Anyway, what do you want?"

"2 years ago, I had become pregnant with your son" Nicole answered "Cody!"

The boy showed up: 2 year old child who resembled Zack and even had long hair like him except his hair was black. He also wore black clothing like a goth which consisted on a black skull shirt, black jeans, black boots and a trench coat.

"I can't believe it...wait a minute, how am I sure that you got pregnant with another man and this is some kind of trick?" Zack asked suspicious.

"You think I'd waste my time telling you such a horrible lie?" Nicole asked.

"I had a son 2 years ago and you never told me!" Zack answered.

"Alright, I'll tell you now" Nicole said "This is your son and his name is Cody"

"Umm... hey there Cody" Zack greeted.

"My heart and soul burn" Cody said in a deadpan manner "They burn from loneliness and two years of a fatherless childhood."

"Is he a... EMO?" Zack asked totally shocked.

"Yes" Nicole answered "This is your fault, you know."

"How is it my fault?" Zack asked.

"You were never there for your own son" Nicole said "How is he supposed to know how to be happy if you weren't there for him?"

"You were suppose to tell me...! Never mind, I knew it that our relationship would never work" Zack said.

"The only reason I found you was because I want child support" Nicole said.

"Ah...here's the thing: I don't have any money right now" Zack explained.

"Then I'll leave Cody with you" Nicole said "You have a week to pay child support. If you don't have the money, I'll come for Cody and you'll never see him again. Deal?"

"You're really a grudge-holder bitch, aren't you?" Zack asked.

"DEAL?" Nicole asked losing her patience.

"All right, we have a deal" Zack said.

"Have fun with your father, Cody" Nicole said "And by fun I mean nothing that involves death metal and Satan. Mommy loves you."

Nikki kisses Cody on the forehead and leaves as Zack closes the door behind her.

"Hey there, Cody," said Zack, "I know I haven't been there for you, but I'm gonna make up for that."

"Whatever, I- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" he shouted as he pushed Zack off him.

"I was just trying to hug you" Zack answered,

"Try that thing called 'hug' and I'll rip your eyes off with a fork" Cody warned as he goes to find somewhere to sleep.

"Damn, making amends with him is gonna be harder than making amends with Meg" Zack said.

**Flashback**

There's Zack talking with Meg, who's ignoring him and crossing her arms.

"Come on, what can I do to forgive me?" Zack asked.

"Put your head in a toilet" Meg answered.

"Okay" Zack accepted.

**Later...**

Zack returned with his wet and stinking head.

"Happy?" Zack asked.

"Yes" Meg answered.

"Well, at least I don't stink more than Connie when I threw dog excrement on her" Zack said.

"Wait, you did that to her?" Meg asked "That was even better! I guess you hadn't to put your head in the toilet"

"F*ck..." Zack cursed.

**Flashback's end**

Meanwhile at the hospital, Axel was in Royce's room, while Royce was unconscious and bandaged up, Mr. Hartman came in.

"Doctor!" Axel exclaimed "Tell me, is Royce going to be okay?"

"Well, it doesn't look good..." Dr. Hartman answered.

"WHAT?!"

"Your friend's picture" he showed the picture of Royce looking drunk and his hair all messed up "When was it taken?

"St. Patrick Day" Axel answered.

"I see..." Dr. Hartman said looking at the chart again "Oh God!"

"WHAT?!"

"He has a Bumblebee Camaro!" Dr. Hartman said "I always wanted one when I was a child!"

"Tell me whether Royce is going to live or not!" Axel demanded putting his Desert Eagle to his head.

"OK! OK!" Dr. Hartman said nervous "He will be fine...but...he is in a coma...and I don't know when he will be awake"

"There's anything else with him?" Axel asked.

"No...wait, I think this photo was in his pockets" Dr. Hartman answered showing an ID of...Adam West.

"Adam West?" Axel asked "The actor who played Batman back in the 60's?"

"He's the mayor of our city" Dr. Hartman said "He and the Griffins are close friends. They told me he married Lois's sister: Carol"

Axel only showed a serious face for the ID.

Meanwhile; the Griffins were watching TV.

_And we're back with Rob Schneider in Deuce Bigelow: Space Gigolo._

**TV Cutaway**

Deuce Bigelow was in the moon where he met a sexy three-breasted alien woman.

"I've been waiting for you, handsome" the alien woman said with a sexy tone.

"Wow, this is my lucky day!" Deuce said "How do we start?

"Oh, it's not for me" the alien woman answered "It's for my pet. Come here, little boy" the pet happens to be...a Facehugger "He

likes to kiss until he's dead"

"This is not gonna end well..." Deuce said really worried.

**TV Cutaway's end**

_**DING-DONG**_

"I'll get it" Meg said going to the door to open it and it was Zack "Zack?"

"Hi, Meg" Zack greeted "Can you do me a favor?"

"What is it?" Meg asked.

"I need you to babysit my...nephew Cody for a while" Zack answered.

"I'm his son..." Cody corrected.

"Wait, you have a son?" Meg asked pretty shocked.

"At least he abandons me again..." Cody answered.

"I have an important robot match tomorrow and today I'll be busy fixing..." Zack explained.

"Robot match?" Cody asked "I thought you were going to work"

"Damn it!" Zack cursed "I didn't have to tell him...!"

"I LOVE robot matches!" Cody said.

"You did?" Zack asked confused.

"The best thing, I don't have to feel sorry for them, because they'e machines" Cody said.

"Wait, you didn't see my robot in my home?" Zack asked.

"You mean that gosh-awful piece of scrap?" Cody asked "I thought it was a broke vacuum"

"Very funny" Zack commented sarcastically.

"Hey, can I help you in repairing your robot for the match?" Cody asked.

"Hey, that's a great idea!" Zack commented "Like father and son!"

"Let's do this!" Cody said as Zack offered him a high five "What is it?"

"Give me a high five" Zack said.

"I still don't trust you" Cody replied.

"Wow, I've never seen a father and son bonding since Dad and Chris pulled off that prank to a celebrity"

**Flashback**

Peter and Chris were about to pull off a prank to...Courtney Cox, who's drinking a coffee outside of a Starbucks.

"Are you ready, Chris?" Peter asked.

"Yes, I am" Chris answered.

"Hey, Courtney Cox!" Peter called.

"What?" Courtney Cox asked.

"You sucked in _Bedtime Stories_!" Chris answered throwing h a water balloon and running away.

"Yeah and in that episode of _F.R.I.E.N.D.S_., I don't remember which one, 'cause I never watched the show!" Peter added also running away.

**Flashback's end**

Later that day; Zack and Cody were in a...dumpster.

"What are we doing in a dumpster?" Cody asked.

"Sometimes the rarest objects are found in a dumpster" Zack said as he found something "Look! This must be a of a Terminator's exoskeleton bone!"

"That's an old spanner" Cody said until he looked at something that looks like binoculars. He goes to see what it is.

"Cody, what are you doing?" Zack asked "Robots don't need eyes"

When Cody tried to grab the binocular-like object, he realize it was stuck. So he pull harder until they came out...but it was actually a complete robot: it was completely gray, his body was cubic and his hands were curved pincers and tank wheels.

"Oh..my..gosh!" Cody said "It's an actual robot!"

"Meh...it's not a fighting robot, it's a ROB-B" Zack corrected "'Robotic Operator Biologic - Botanic'. They made them to recycle garbage and gardening. It works with solar energy"

"Why they never use them?" Cody asked.

"I don't know, it's like the NES Power Glove, it never worked" Zack answered "Come on, let's keep looking"

While Zack kept looking through the garbage, Cody just stared at the robot like he was a treasure. So, he used his chance to put the robot to the pick-up truck.

Meanwhile; in the Griffins' house; Chris invited Axel to have dinner with his family.

"Thanks for inviting me to your house, Mr. and Mrs. Griffin" Axel thanked.

"You're welcome, Chris told us that you're a 'cool hunter'" Lois said "We know he's overreacting"

"No, it's true" Axel corrected "I'm a professional hunter and assassin. Anything I touch...dies, except sexy ladies"

"Wow, you're a womanizer too?" Peter asked impressed "You should meet my neighbor Quagmire, you guys look alike"

But Axel turned berserk, he went up to the table and pointed at Peter with his gun.

"Oh my god!" Lois screamed.

"Don't you EVER compare me with that dirty rapist!" Axel warned "He screws with women against their will. I screw with women, because they WANT it. Do you understand?"

"Yes..." Peter answered with fear.

"Axel...please don't do anything that you could end in jail..." Lois begged clearly scared.

"Sorry..." Axel said putting his gun down "I'm a little violent since I lost my parents. I'm 17 years old and I don't have a home. And I REFUSE to go to an orphanage. I gave my heredity fortune away to Child Protective Services, so they can leave me alone. I only have my Impala and my two favorite guns"

"You don't have a place to stay?" Meg asked.

"Hey, why can't you stay with us?" Peter asked "Frank had just moved on, so we have a free room for you"

"Can he stay, Mom?" Chris asked.

"I don't know, I know he suffered so much" Lois answered "But what if you're a criminal?"

"The only crime I did was the time I exorcised a guy" Axel said "I was accused of Psychopath Atheist and I'm being 'wanted' in at least 7 states"

"Come on, Lois, Meg will leave the house if you let him stay" Peter said.

"WHAT?!" Meg asked outraged.

"He, he, he, he, he, he, I'm just kidding, sweetie, come on" Peter said "But seriously, let Axel stay"

"I appreciate your offer, but I don't wanna be a freeloader" Axel said "Besides, I have some business to do before" then he noticed a wedding photo of Mayor West and Carol "Who are they?

"Oh, this is the wedding of my sister Carol and Mayor West" Lois answered "It's been tough for her being divorced by 9 times and...her baby is dead **(A/E: Hey, don't blame me, blame the creators of the actual show for not giving an explanation of what the hell happened to the baby. If you don't like it, too bad)"**

"I see..." Axel said standing up "I need to use your bathroom"

"It's upstairs" Lois said.

But it was actually an excuse to go to Peter's and Lois's room. He looked through a drawer to find something. He even found a pair of Lois's panties...and he sniffed a little.

"Why are you smelling Mom's underwear?" Chris asked.

"CHRIS!" Axel screamed "It's not what you think!"

"It's okay, Brian did that all the time...but he stopped it since he started dating Tracy" Chris explained "Do you prefer to use their bathroom?"

"No, I'll tell the truth: I think your aunt married a possible criminal" Axel answered "But I'm not completely sure. My informant got into a coma, but he had the ID of Mayor West" he shows the ID.

"Holy crap, you think he's a criminal?" Chris asked.

"I need to know where they live and interrogate him" Axel answered.

"I know where they live" Chris replied.

"Really?" Axel asked " Can you do this for me?"

"Friends are always here when you need them" Chris answered "Except, if your friends are Beavis and Butt-Head"

**Cutaway**

Beavis and Butt-Head were using a shredder machine.

"Uh...Beavis, what is that machine suppose to do?" Butt-Head asked.

***annoying sounds*** I don't know, let me turn it on" Beavis said turn it on.

"Wow, maybe you should put your hand on it" Butt-Head said.

"Okay..." Beavis said putting his hand on the shredder machine and his fingers were cut-off "AAAAHHH!"

"***annoying breathing*** Dumbass..." Butt-Head commented.

**Cutaway's end**

Zack and Cody were already at home (in Zack's RV); Cody was cleaning up the robot. And he used Zack's car's battery to see if he can power him up.

"Luckily Mom watches VH1 or I'd never watch Pimp My Ride. This has to work..." Cody said as he turned the car on and the electricity from the battery was conducted to the robot.

_**ZAAAAAAAP!**_

The electricity surrounded the robot until it ceased. Cody waited to see if it worked...but nothing happened.

"I guess my dad was right...it never worked" Cody said disapointed...until the robot started to move and he looked at Cody "Oh my gosh, you're alive!"

"**R...RO...**" the robot tried to say something.

"Are you trying to say something?" Cody asked.

"**RO...ROB-B**" ROB-B greeted.

"You can talk!" Cody exclaimed "That's COOL!"

"Cody, what's all that noise...whoa, what the hell?!" Zack asked.

"Dad, my robot is alive!" Cody answered "Just look at him talk"

"**ROB-B...**" ROB-B said.

"Did you just bring that robot from the dumpster?" Zack asked "And how did turned it on?"

"I connected him with the car's battery" Cody answered "Piece of cake"

"What he's gonna do? Recycle my trash?" Zack asked.

"No...I want him to fight" Cody answered.

"WHAT?! That's impossible" Zack said "He's not a fighting robot"

"Then teach him how to fight" Cody said "Do it for me"

Zack looked at his son, he really wanted to bond with him. He mustn't let him down.

"All right, son" Zack agreed.

"Yes!" Cody "ROB-B is gonna kick some butt, like Batman!"

**Cutaway**

Batman and Robin were ready to fight the Joker.

"You're going down, Joker!" Batman said.

"Yeah, by us: the Butt Buddies!" Robin replied.

"What?" Batman asked confused.

"Because...buddies...kick butts, yeah!" Robin answered.

"Sounds cool" Batman praised.

**Cutaway's end**

Next day; Chris and Axel were in the gates of Adam's mansion.

"So, this is where your uncle and aunt live?" Axel asked.

"Yup" Chris answered.

"I don't think this is a good idea" Brian (with Stewie) said suddenly appearing.

"Brian!" Axel exclaimed "Did you guys follow us?

"No, we thought you were going to Chuck E. Cheese and we wanted to go too" Stewie answered sarcastically.

"Did the football head just talk?" Axel asked.

"Wait, can you understand me?" Stewie asked.

"I'm not an idiot or a hot mother" Axel answered "Anyway, we're wasting time"

He pressed the doorbell and suddenly a robotic eye appeared.

_**IDENTIFY**_.

"Chris Griffin" Chris said his name.

_**SCANNING...**_

The robotic eye scanned Chris face.

_**APPROVE. WELCOME CHRIS.**_

The gate was opened and our heroes got to the main door. And they were welcomed by Carol.

"Hey, Aunt Carol" Chris greeted.

"Hi, Chris" Carol greeted "Looks like you came with Brian, Stewie and...who's your new friend?"

"Axel Everett" Axel answered.

"You're welcome" Carol said "What brings you here?"

"Is Mayor West here?" Axel asked.

"I'm afraid he's busy in his studio" Carol answered "Would you like to wait?"

"Yes" Alex answered.

"Then come on in, I'll serve you some tea" Carol said.

"I'm gonna bring him down..." Axel said mentally.

Meanwhile; Zack and Cody **(A/E: Not the blonde twins from that former Disney Channel show)** were driving to the place where the robot battle takes place. They had ROB-B covered with a sailcloth.

"We're gonna win this for sure" Zack said.

"Dad...is it true what Mom said: did you abandon me?" Cody asked.

"What? No, she had the fault for not telling me about you" Zack answered "She's a...very bad person"

"Don't you mean 'bitch'?" Cody asked as they both laughed.

"Here we are" Zack said stopping the car and they were at a zoo.

"A zoo?" Cody asked.

"This is where we'll have the fight" Zack answered.

They both get out with ROB-B too and got into the zoo where they met their opponent, who looks a lot like Weevil Underwood (wearing the second season outfit) from Yu-Gi-Oh!.

"Well, well, well, so you're my new prey" the opponent said.

"Don't underestimate us, our robot is gonna smash yours" Zack replied.

"Nobody could beat me: Willy Wood and Arachnoroid!' Willy said as he showed up his robot: a mechanic black spider with red lightning-like stripes.

"Looks intimidating, but not good enough with OUR robot" Zack said "Behold: Robo-Murdock 3000!"

He took out the sailcloth to reveal ROB-B's new apperance: It's now yellow with two black stripes in the head and body.

"HAHAHAHAHA, what the hell is that thing?" Willy asked "Bumblebee's little brother? That thing won't last two minutes against Arachnoroid!"

"Oh yeah? I bet our robot can beat your spider-bot" Zack said.

"Deal, how much you bet?" Willy asked.

"10 grand" Zack answered.

"10 GRAND?!" Willy asked outraged.

"Are you in or out?" Zack asked.

"Hmm...okay, we have a deal" Willy answered closing the deal "See you in the arena" he leaves.

"***whispering*** Dad, do you have that money?" Cody asked.

"***whispering*** No, but if I don't pay my debts, they're gonna beat me up" Zack answered "Don't worry, I know we can win this"

Meanwhile, in the West Mansion: Adam West was writing in his diary until he heard somebody knocking on his studio's door. He goes to open it. However, there was nobody, so he closed the door and then he turned around just to find out Axel in the middle of the studio.

"I finally found you, West" Axel said darkly.

"Who are you? And how did you get in here?" Adam asked.

"Your wife had a spare key" Axel answered "Fortunately, she parted with it very easily..."

**Flashback**

Axel and the others were in the living room with Carol.

"Hey, Mrs. West, I need to use the bathroom, but the door is locked" Axel said.

"Oh, don't worry, dear, I have a key you can use" Carol said giving him the master key.

"Thank you" Axel thanked

**Flashback's end**

"Dear lord, I must have accidentally gave her the master key that opens all the Mansion's doors" Adam said.

"Enough talk, I want some answers..." Axel said approaching Adam.

"Answers? To what, the SATs?" Adam asked "It's not my fault teen students of my city aren't smart enough to pass"

"No, does the name Nathan Castle Everett and Hellen Nyra Everett rings a bell?" Axel asked.

"No...but do you realize that Nathan and Hellen is the name of the actor that plays their middle name's character?" Adam asked.

"I am well aware of that!" Axel answered "Do you know who killed them?"

"Uh, no, how can I know who killed people I never met?" Adam asked.

"DON'T PLAY DUMB WITH ME!" Axel warned pointing Desert Eagle at him "I know who you are working for...after all these years, I finally know the identity of the people who had them killed...and you are one of them!

"Seriously, I don't know what you're talking about!" Adam said desperated.

"Is the Supremacy Phoenix familiar to you? Axel asked.

Then in the Mansion's courtyard; Carol wanted to show something to her nephews.

"What you wanna show us, Aunt Carol?" Chris asked "And why you asked Brian to stay in the living room?"

"I hope it's not your collection of your ex-husbands' heads" Stewie said.

"Because Brian is a dog and I don't want a dog to hurt what I'm going to show you" Carol said "Here we are"

She showed them a room-size cage (including a water pond) where she was raising...three little chicks.

"Wow, are they little chickens?" Chris asked.

"That's right" Carol answered.

"Is that it?" Stewie asked "Well, wise choice on not bringing Brian or he'd enjoy some delicious McNuggets"

"They look cute, Aunt Carol" Chris commented "But why did you buy chicks?"

"Because...since my baby died in that horrible car accident, I thought I'll never be a mother again" Carol answered "So I bought these little chicks so I can try to be a mother one more time"

"Wow, your let your baby to die? You're worse than Lois" Stewie commented.

Suddenly the chicks' tummies were howling, meaning they're hungry.

"Oh, looks like my little chicks are hungry" Carol said "I'll go get their food. Keep an eye on them"

Carol goes for the food while Chris and Stewie stared at them.

"You guys really look funnier than _Angry Birds_" Chris said.

Then the chicks turned their cute and lovely faces into...angry and evil faces. And they began to attack Chris without any reason.

"AAAAAAHHHH!" Chris screamed as the chicks were pecking several parts of his body.

"Hey, nobody mess with my big bro, except me!" Stewie said grabbing one and started to beat him up.

Meanwhile, in the zoo: the robots were already in the arena ready to fight.

Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to the Robot Fight!

***crowd cheering***

At this corner, the vicious mechanic insect of Willy Wood: Arachnoroid!

Arachnoroid poses like a vicious spider.

***crowd cheering***

And at the other conner we have a robot from a local guy: Robo-Murdock 3000!

ROB-B just showed up waving his hand controlled by Zack.

***crowd booing***

"Get back to your rejected video game!" random guy said throwing a soda can at him.

"People hate ROB-B..." Cody said with a sad tone.

"Ignore them, son, they're gonna love him after this match" Zack said.

_And the battle...BEGIN!_

ROB-B attacks first, but Arachnoroid shoots him a spider web in the wheels, so he can't move.

"Oh no, this is bad..." Zack said.

"HAHAHAHA, it's not use, your robot is about to get eaten!" Willy said.

Meanwhile: Axel was comforting Adam.

"I'm gonna ask you one more time: Is the Supremacy Phoenix familiar to you? Axel asked.

Suddenly Carol appeared with a gun ready to shoot.

"Leave my husband alone!" Carol demanded.

"Carol, thank goodness you came here!" Adam thanked.

"I had the feeling that something wrong was happening" Carol said.

"Stay out of this. He's a criminal and he must pay for his crimes!" Axel said.

"There're no criminals in my family!" Carol said.

"Oh yeah, then how do you explain that your brother is a fat people mass murderer?" Axel asked.

"He's getting his behavior better" Carol answered "He even made a commercial to help former criminals"

**Flashback**

There's a former criminal in a job interview, but he didn't get the job.

"Every year criminals come out from jail after serving their sentences, but they have very few chances to get a job" Patrick explained "That's why I created C.T.I., the Criminal Technical Institute. At C.T.I. we teach you how to use your criminal skills to put them into a realistic job setting"

There's a criminal trying to stab a woman and he ends up slicing onions in a kitchen.

_Able to stab people? We'll place you aside with one of our best chefs in the industry._

"I need the onions, now!" the chief chef said.

Another criminal hacking a security system and ends up being a boring security guard.

_Have a talent with fooling security? Talk to one of our security guards._

"God, this is boring..." the former criminal complained.

"At the Criminal Technical Institute, I learned I'm a rapist; now I'm a plumber for some reason" another former criminal explained "Thanks C.T.I."

"I was a disgrace to my family" Patrick said "Why should you be too? The Criminal Technical Institute"

**Flashback's end**

"Really?" Axel asked "That guy and Adam are different!

"May I ask how?" Carol asked.

"Simple: Patrick slaughtered a bunch of fat guys because your mom was whoring out to that guy from the Honeymooners and traumatized him, where your bastard of a father instuitionalized him, his actions were justified and he deserved freedom" Axel explained "I know that, because Royce, as my informant, tells me everything. As for your husband, he's just a nut job, who joined an evil organization, who had my PARENTS killed!

"WHAT?!" Carol asked shocked "Adam, tell me what he is talking about!"

"I SWEAR I DON'T KNOW!" Adam said crying "I JUST WANTED TO WRITE IN MY DIARY!"

"Who are you, Greg Heffley?" Axel asked "Now...before I punish you, you will tell me who it is that leads the damn organization!"

"FOR GOD'S SAKE I DON'T KNOW!" Adam shouted.

"PUT THE GUN DOWN, AXEL!" Carol demanded.

Brian suddenly walks in.

"Hey, Carol, had you seen Ax...what the f*ck?!" Brian asked.

"Stand down, Brian, I have to do this!" Axel said.

"What is going on?!" Brian asked.

"He's trying to weasel information which I don't have!" Adam said.

"BULLSH*T!" Axel replied I SAW YOUR ID! YOU ARE ONE OF THEM!

"One of whom?" Brian asked.

"THE GOD DAMN SUPREMACY PHOENIXES!" Axel exclaimed really furious "THEY ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR IT! FOUR YEARS I SPENT RELIVING THAT NIGHTMARE, AND NOW, I KNOW WHO DONE IT! EVEN WORSE, THEY PUT MY BEST FRIEND IN A COMA!

"Axel, put the gun down...you know this isn't you..." Brian said

"NO!" Axel said tearing up "YOU DON'T KNOW ME! ONLY MY FAMILY AND ROYCE DID! NOW MY PARENTS ARE DEAD, MY FRIEND IS A VEGETABLE...SOMEONE NEEDS TO PAY FOR THIS! ONLY THEN CAN I FINALLY HAVE CLOSURE!"

"Look, I don't know what happened to them, but killing Adam won't do them justice!" Brian said "I'm begging you, drop your gun NOW!" Axel screamed of extreme frustration and threw the gun out of the window and breakdown. Brian hugged him "It's okay, it's okay"

Then something fell down from Axel's pockets, Adam's ID. Adam picked it up.

"Oh, it's my old Sugar Peanuts ID" Zack said.

"What?" Brian asked.

"The 'SP' stands 'Sugar Peanuts" Adam said "It was a bowling club I used to go. They gave a free pass to Disneyworld"

"So, you weren't killing people?" Brian asked.

"No" Adam answered.

"You were just bowling" Carol asked.

"Yes, that's all" Carol answered.

"Wow, that's the biggest misunderstanding since that scene _Toy Story 3_" Brian said.

**Cutaway**

It shows the scene where Woody and Andy's toys facing Lotso.

"What about Daisy?" Woody asked "She loved you"

"Then she threw us away" Lotso added.

"No, she lost you" Woody corrected.

"She replaced US!" Lotso replied

"Man, she was FOUR and she didn't replace you, it was her parents!" Woody said "They did it, because they didn't want her sad for your absence"

"Oh my god...you're right" Lotso said with a big guilt "All this time I've been a total jackass to other toys, because I never got enough love. Guys, I'm so sorry for what I did. Do you have the heart to forgive me?"

"Sorry, Lotso, we must follow the storyline and throw you to the trash" Ken said "Big Baby!"

Big Baby grabbed Lotso and threw him to to the trash containment.

**Cutaway's end**

Back to the robot fight; ROB-B was stuck and Arachnoroid was ready to finish him.

"Say good-bye to your piece of scrap, Murdocks!" Willy said.

"I can't move ROB-B, we're gonna lose" Zack said.

"Dad, use the secret weapon!" Cody said.

"What secret weapon?" Zack asked.

"The black button!" Cody answered.

Zack pressed the black button and ROB-B took out...a top.

"A top?" Zack asked.

"Just watch it" Cody answered.

ROB-B used the top, not only to take the spider web out of his wheels, but used it to hit and destroy one of Arachnoroid's legs. But that wasn't all, ROB-B somehow can control the top and he used it to destroy every Arachnoroid's leg until it fell down. ROB-B finished him crushing him with his wheels.

The battle is over and the winner is ROB-B MURDOCK 3000!

"Yeah, we did it!" Zack cheered "We exterminated that bug!"

"What did you do to my beautiful robot?!" Willy asked crying.

"Well, a deal is a deal, now pay us or else..." Zack demanded.

"Or else what?" Willy asked.

"Exactly" Zack answered.

Back in the West Mansion.

"I am so sorry for the misunderstanding" Axel said.

"Don't worry about it, I would be upset too if I found out I joined an evil organization...or Christian Bale saying he's better than me, because he won an Oscar" Adam said "I just hope you find the answers you seek.

"Axel, remember when you told us about you living alone? Well, Dylan told me to stay with him and Tracy for a while" Brian explained.

"Really? Even after I threatened the mayor's life?" Axel asked.

"That will be our secret" Brian answered winking an eye.

"Okay, I accept Dylan's offer" Axel said.

"Very well, we better be heading out" Brian said "Peter and Lois ought to be expecting us by now.

Chris and Stewie shown up, they were beaten up.

WHOA! You guys look like you've been in a brawl against Kludd, Blu and Lord Shen"

"How did that end?" Brian asked

"Very bad..." Axel answered

"Stewie, Chris, what the hell happened to both of you?" Brian asked.

"I'm not...gonna eat...KFC...anymore..." Chris said hardly breathing.

"Remind me to kill the very next living chicken I see" Stewie said.

"As long as it is not a Blaziken, I will fulfill that promise" Axel said.

"What's a Blaziken?" Brian asked.

"Blaziken, Torchic's last evolution?" Axel answered as a guess for Brian, but he didn't know "He's a 3th Generation Pokémon" but he still didn't know that "Okay, this is getting awkward"

Finally, Zack and Cody were at home drinking soda as a toast for their victory.

"You did it, Dad" Cody said "You defeated that stupid insect"

"No, WE did it, son" Zack corrected "If it wasn't for you taking ROB-B with us, maybe we'd never win the match"

"How much money we have now?" Cody asked.

"Let's say, I owned 3 grand to a guy and 5 grand to another" Zack said "So in total we have...$2,000!"

"Yeah, we rule!" Cody said.

Suddenly, there's a knock on the door. Zack goes to answer and there stands Nicole.

"Nicole? I thought you'd be here next week" Zack said.

"I know that, but I was there watching the stupid robot match in the zoo" Nicole said "I've never seen Cody so happy before"

"So?" Zack asked.

"Zack, I want you to come back to me" Nicole said.

"Sorry, but as I said before: our relationship would never work" Zack said taking out his wallet "But I'm still paying child support, how about...$1,000?"

"Fine!" Nicole said taking the money "But you'll never see Cody again. Come on, let's go"

"No" Cody said "I'm not going anywhere with you"

"Cody, I'm your mother and you'll do what I tell you!" Nicole said.

"Not anymore once I show Child Protective Services the horrible mother you are!" Cody said taking out his cellphone and showing a photo of a drunk Nicole (wearing nothing, but her underwear) laying on a sofa holding a bottle of Vodka.

"You wouldn't dare..." Nicole said shocked.

"You don't wanna get busted, just get the hell out of our lives" Zack said.

"You know what? Screw this, I have $1,000 and I'm a free woman now" Nicole said "I don't need a loser like you or a BASTARD like him as a child. So long, losers!"

She slammed the door to leave for good.

"Seriously, why did you date her?" Cody asked.

"Frankly, I don't remember" Zack answered "But hey, you still have your old man"

"Yeah, bros before dolls" Cody said.

Actually that's...never mind, we're the Murdocks!" Zack cheered.

"MURDOCK POWER!" Zack and Cody cheered giving each other a high five as the screen stopped and got blurred in an artistic way (like in the end of Rocky III).

_It's the eye of the tiger_

_It's the thrill of the fight_

_Rising up to the challenge of our rival_

**End of the chapter**


	18. The Hunter Gamers

**Chapter 18: The Hunter Games**

**(A/E: This is an alternate version of one of the darkest Family Guy episodes I've ever seen: 'Screams of Silence: The Story of Brenda Q.'. This chapter may or not be as dark as the original, but don't get angry if you guys think I'm 'sodomizing' that episode. I promise to keep the canon characters faithful to the actual show)**

This chapter begins with Axel installing his stay at Tracy's and Dylan's apartment.

"Thanks for letting me live here, Ms. Flannigan" Axel thanked.

"Please, call me Tracy" Tracy said "And you're welcome"

"But I'm warning you something: I have some issues" Axel said.

"It's okay, my son sometimes masturbates too" Tracy said.

"Not those kind of issues..." Axel said.

**Flashback**

Axel was driving a jeep and shooting pterodactyls, vampires and dragons with a machine gun.

"EAT SH*T, BASTARDS!" Axel screamed.

**Flashback's end**

"I hope you don't mind sharing the room with Dylan" Tracy said.

"No, in fact: I always wanted to have a brother" Axel said.

But then they heard frustration shouts coming from Dylan's room.

"What's going on?" Axel asked "He got a bad grade in a subject?"

"I don't know, he spends most of his time in his room" Tracy answered.

"Let me talk to him" Axel said going to Dylan's room.

He found the room was a mess: books for everywhere, trash papers, even there's draws of...werewolves.

"This is useless!" Dylan said hopelessly "I'll never take off that horrible form!"

"Dylan, what's going on?" Axel asked.

"Four weeks since my transformation, I've been looking for sources that explains the origin of this curse and a cure" Dylan explained.

"And you got nothing?" Axel asked.

"Well, I got some theories" Dylan said reading his notes "One of them is maybe my mother did what the 'White Fang Tribe' did. A Native American tribe who had sex with wolves and that produced a half-wolf human"

"Wow, sounds like a wild party I'd like to come" Axel said.

"Wait, did you say...? Never mind, as dogs are descendants from wolves, maybe that's why I become a werewolf" Dylan said.

"And there's no cure for your curse?" Axel asked.

"I found some possible cures...but most of them could kill me" Dylan said.

"I got it!" Axel said "I know a guy who can cure you!"

"Really?" Dylan asked "Is that possible?"

"Does a bear crap in the forest?" Axel asked.

**Flashback**

Tim the Bear (from _the Cleveland Show_) was camping in the forest with his family until...

"Oh no, I think I need to poop" Tim said.

"Then go and find a place to do it" Adrianne said.

"I can't...it's kind of embarrassing" Tim replied.

**Flashback's end**

Meanwhile, in Quagmire's house; he was wearing a robe.

"It's time for my favorite program" Quagmire said taking off the robe revealing his 'famous' leopard-printed trunks and turning on the TV whose program was...a cooking show.

**TV Cutaway**

"Welcome to 'Desserts and More'" the female chef greeted "And today we'll make one of my favorite desserts: Cream Banana Pie"

**TV Cutaway's end**

"All right!" Quagmire praised.

**TV Cutaway**

"First we take 6 bananas and we slowly and careful peel them all" the female chef said peeling the very closed up bananas in a suggestive manner.

**TV Cutaway's end**

**DING-DONG!**

"Damn it, that was my favorite part!" Quagmire cursed putting on the robe.

He opened the door and it was...Jeff.

"What's up, MAN!" Jeff said giving him a 'buddy greet (which it means he grabs Quagmire around the neck and hardly rubbing his head with his knuckles)' "So good to see you!"

"Jeff...what a surprise..." Quagmire said uncomfortable, after all, he never liked his sister's boyfriend "Where's Brenda?"

"The bitch is carrying the suitcases" Jeff answered "Are you done?!"

Brenda appeared with their suitcases...she has a big belly.

"Hi, Glenn..." Brenda greeted.

"Oh my god, what happened to you, sis'?!" Quagmire asked totally shocked.

"I am...pregnant" Brenda answered "You're gonna be an uncle..."

"Yeah, we just got married" Jeff said.

"YOU GOT MARRIED?!" Quagmire asked extremely shocked.

"In Vegas, it kicked ass, but enough of talk" Jeff said hardly grabbing Brenda's arm "GO AND GET SOME BEER, WOMAN!" he pushed her away.

"Yes, dear..." Brenda replied going to the kitchen.

"Hey, I hope you don't mind if me and Brenda stay here for a while" Jeff said.

"What?"

"Only until we get our own apartment" Jeff said clutching his knuckles "You don't have a problem, right?"

"Ah...no, spend as much time as you wish" Quagmire said.

"Excellent, I know I can count on you!" Jeff said giving him a 'friendly' punch in the arm "Now, let's watch some foot-ball!"

"God, this is worse than the Wiccan chick I brought" Quagmire said mentally.

**Flashback**

Quagmire was naked and tied to the bed...but he had a satanic pentagram on his chest while a gothic-looking girl was performing a kind of spell.

"Sadie, are you sure this is considered 'sexy' for you?" Quagmire asked.

"Watching a soul getting out of its body really turns me on..." Sadie answered.

**(A/E: Sorry if this is considered offensive for the Wiccans. I don't know anything about them, I just watched an episode from _The Simpsons_, that's all. I know Wikipedia exists, but what a drag...)**

**Flashback's end**

And speaking of spells; in the Kennedy's house: Matt and Eddie were in the room to show Eddie the Spellbook's powers.

"I don't wanna be skeptical, but I don't think magic is real" Eddie said.

"Oh, after that, you'll never see the world at the same way" Matt said "And thanks for bringing Amy to entertain Sophie, so she can't bother us"

"It was a pleasure, Amy loves playing with children" Eddie said.

**Flashback**

Amy and Sophie were playing a tea party: they were using fashioned hats and speaking with horrible British accents (at least, just Sophie, because Amy is good with accents).

"Have you seen the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton?" Sophie asked.

"No, I only remembered Prince Harry getting boozed again" Amy answered.

**Flashback's end**

"Anyway, behold: THE MIGHTY SPELL BOOK!" Matt said showing the book.

"Oh no, I hope it doesn't melt me like the Ark of the Covenant!" Eddie said faking fear "Seriously: it looks like an ordinary old book"

"Because I haven't cast a spell yet" Matt said paging the book to find a good spell "Here it is"

The letters started glowing and a magical beam turned Eddie's pants into...a tutu.

"What the...?!" Eddie asked shocked.

"HAHA, that's a classic!" Matt commented.

"It...can't be..." Eddie replied really shocked.

"You believe me now?" Matt asked.

"Yes...I guess" Eddie answered "But can you get me out of this embarrassing, yet soft and comfortable tutu?"

"Okay, luckily I've been practicing reversing spells" Matt answered turning Eddie's pants back to normal "Since I got the Spellbook, my life turned out easier: I can do homework and watch TV at the same time, I can clean my room in seconds, I even got revenge on the jocks"

**Flashback**

The jocks were trapped in a Pac-Man video game running from the Pac-Man to avoid being eaten.

**Flashback's end**

"Can you do something more?" Eddie asked "I don't know, maybe making M. Night Shyamalan to stop directing movies"

"Are you sure? I heard he's directing a Sci-Fi starred by Will Smith and his son" Matt answered.

"I don't care if it's 'the Pursuit of Happyness 2: Rise the Portable Bone-Density Scanners', I want him de-"

Then they heard the doorbell ringing; they came down to see who was it and it was Axel and Dylan.

"What's up, guys?" Matt asked.

"We have a wolf problem" Axel answered.

"I haven't solve the problem of my transformation" Dylan explained "And I thought you can help me out with your magic"

"Dylan, I'm still learning about the powers of the Spellbook" Matt said "I don't know if I can cure your werewolf transformation. I don't wanna accidentally put a curse on you like I did to Axel"

"Damn, I forgot about about it" Axel said.

"This sucks!" Dylan cursed "I guess I have to live with this curse for the rest of my life!"

"Hey, why don't you learn to control it?" Eddie asked.

"Control it?" Dylan asked "Like Jacob from...?"

**(A/E: Shut up! I'm done with Twilight jokes!)**

"You got criticized, didn't you?" Eddie asked.

**(A/E: Yes...)**

"Too bad, this is what you get if you make fun of something so many times" Eddie said.

"Anyway, I guess it's a good idea" Axel said.

"But if I'm gonna live with my transformation, I have tell it to my Dad"

"He doesn't know?" Eddie asked.

"I never got the guts, but I guess I need to take it out of my chest" Dylan said.

"I know he'll understand" Eddie said "At least he's not a drunken BASTARD WHO TURNED YOU INTO AN EVIL BU-!"

"Eddie!" Matt snapped him out.

"Sorry"

"Let's go and talk to your dad, then" Axel said.

Meanwhile, in the Griffins' house; Peter was watching TV.

_And we're back with G.I. José_

**TV Cutaway**

There're three kids in front of a house.

"Hey, let's throw rocks at Mr. Jenkins's house" kid #1 said.

"YEAH!" The kids cheered.

"Hold on, kids!" G.I. José called them "You shouldn't rocks at an old man's house; that's property damage and it's illegal"

"Wow, thanks G.I. José!" kid #2 thanked.

"You're welcome, so..." G.I. José puts on a apron, a chef hat and revealed a Mexican food truck "Would you like some food? I have tacos, burritos, enchiladas..."

"Not for me, Mexican food causes me diarrhea" kid #3 said.

_G.I. JOSEEEEEEÉ_

**TV Cutaway's end**

**DING-DONG!**

"I'll get it" Lois said opening the door just to find a very depressed Quagmire.

"Hi, Lois..." Quagmire greeted.

"Glenn, is there something wrong?" Lois asked.

"My sister Brenda and her HUSBAND Jeff are staying in my house and it's unbearable"

"Why, something bad is happening to your house?" Lois asked.

"He beats her up, not matter what reason!" Quagmire answered "I can't even masturbate with him smacking her!"

**Flashback**

Quagmire was in his room with his laptop.

"Time for some a little..." Quagmire said until...

_I TOLD YOU TO MAKE MY DINNER, BITCH!_

_I'm sorry, I forgot!_

_I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO REMEMBER!_

***Punching* *Brenda's painful screams***

Quagmire just slowly turned off the laptop.

**Flashback's end**

"But that's not the point, Brenda is pregnant and he'll continue beating her and the kid" Quagmire continued "I don't know what to do"

"Well, Glenn, maybe we can help you with that" Lois said "Helena suffered of domestic violence before, maybe she can convince her to leave his husband"

"Thank you, Lois" Quagmire said "A hug?"

"Sure" Lois agreed giving him a hug.

"***whispering*** wow, your boobs are so soft" Quagmire said.

"What?" Lois asked.

"Nothing!" Quagmire answered.

Meanwhile at Tracy's and Dylan's apartment; he was with his parents ready to confess his secret.

"Mom, Dad, there's something I need to tell you" Dylan said "And...it's not gonna be easy to understand"

"Son, it's okay if you're...at the 'other team'" Brian said "My cousin Jasper is married with a Filipino man called Ricardo..."

"What?! Dad, I'm not gay!" Dylan protested "But it's something...more difficult than this"

"Whatever it is, your father and I will love you not matter what" Tracy said.

"Okay, here it goes: Mom...Dad...I'm a werewolf" Dylan said.

"A what?" Brian asked.

"A werewolf, I transform into a wolf every full moon" Dylan answered.

"Is that it?" Tracy asked "Dear, we already know"

"You did?" Dylan asked surprised.

"Yeah, Chris told me that and then I told it to your mother" Brian explained.

"God, Chris is such a moron!" Dylan insulted very angry.

"Honey, there's nothing to be ashamed about your transformation" Tracy said "When I was pregnant of you, my carvings were mostly meat and my behavior was very aggressive"

"And you never was shocked?" Dylan asked.

"I was depressed since I broke up with your father and I didn't care" Tracy answered "I never thought I'd have a son half-animal"

"Well, thanks for your understanding" Dylan thanked "Now all I have to do is learn to control it"

"Let us help you" Brian said.

"Thanks, Dad, but my friends are gonna help me..." Dylan said.

"Dylan, you're gonna learn to trust your parents" Tracy said "We're family after all"

"I just don't want to hurt you guys" Dylan said.

"And you won't" Brian said "Please, son"

"Okay, I guess I'll need all the support" Dylan said "Like Star Wars needs Disney"

**Cutaway**

Mickey Mouse (dressed like the Emperor Palpatine) talking with Darth Vader.

"Join me and together we can please the fans like two rich franchises" Mickey said.

"I don't know...*breathing*" Darth Vader commented.

"Come on, join us!" Iron Man said "We made over one billion dollars with the Avengers"

"Okay, I'm sure my children Luke and Leia will be pleased for that...*breathing*" Darth Vader said.

**Cutaway's end**

Meanwhile, in a restaurant; Lois and Helena invited Helena to talk.

"Thank you for coming Helena" Lois thanked.

"You're welcome, I don't want any woman going through the bloody hell I've been too" Helena said.

Brenda finally showed up, she was wearing sunglasses.

"Hi, Lois" Brenda greeted sitting down.

"Brenda, why are you wearing sunglasses?" Lois asked.

"Do you like them? It's the latest fashion" Brenda answered.

"Can you take them off so we can talk?" Lois asked as Brenda took off her sunglasses to reveal...a grotesque black eye.

"***gasped*** It's worse than I thought..." Helena commented terrified.

"Brenda, this is Helena Walker" Lois said "She's my daughter's boyfriend's mother"

"Good afternoon, Brenda" Helena greeted.

"Nice to meet you, too" Brenda greeted.

"Brenda, we need to talk about your marriage with Jeff" Lois said.

"Isn't it great? I'm so excited for my baby's birth" Brenda said rubbing her belly "I'm gonna call it Jeff Jr."

"And what if it's a girl?" Helena asked.

"Oh, it's DEFINETELY a boy, that's what he...I mean...WE want" Brenda answered.

"Brenda, we know something is wrong with your marriage" Lois said.

"Wrong? Don't be ridiculous, Lois" Brenda said faking a smile "Jeff is a great man..."

"We know he beats you every time" Helena said.

"What...?"

"Trust me, I was like you once" Helena said "I know how it feels. Being a weak and helpless woman. Being slave of a man with a dictator complex, even corrupting his own children. Then it comes the point where you can't take it anymore and you do something that could regret for the rest of your life"

"I have no idea what you're talking about, but I can assure there's nothing wrong between me and Jeff" Brenda said.

"Brenda, please listen to us" Lois begged "We know the truth, the best you can do is run away from that before your child gets hurt too"

"No woman deserves that kind of treatment" Helena said.

"Listen: I'm NOT gonna leave Jeff" Brenda said having enough "My child needs a father and I'm gonna give it one" she stands up "This conversation is over. Good day" she leaves without nothing more to say.

"This is hopeless" Lois commented "It's like she's accepting her bad treatment!"

"She's like those German people denying their Nazi heritage" Helena commented.

**Cutaway**

A German man invited his girlfriend to have dinner.

"Thanks for inviting me to have dinner, Hans" the girlfriend thanked.

"You're welcome, Anne" Hans said with a strong German accent.

"Hey, who's in that picture?" Anne asked looking at an old picture'

"That's my grandfather, he fought in World War II" Hans answered.

"Wait, he was a...?" Anne asked noticing the Nazi brand he was wearing.

"No, he wasn't" Hans answered.

"But, I'm pretty sure he's..." Anne said.

"No, it was just a costume party" Hans replied.

"It's okay, if..."

"MY GRANDFATHER WASN'T A NAZI!" Hans shouted as he made the Nazi salute and chanted in German.

**Cutaway's end**

Back at the Griffins house; all the neighbors were reunited to see what to do now with Brenda and Jeff.

"We couldn't convince her, Glenn" Lois said "She'll never leave him for good"

"This is what I feared, Brenda was always desperate for a man" Quagmire said.

"What you're gonna do, Glenn?" Helena asked.

"We're going with Plan B" Quagmire answered.

"What's the Plan B?" Peter asked.

"We're gonna kill that bastard..." Quagmire said to the others "We invite Jeff on a hunting trip, take him far out into the far reaches of the forest, and when it just us and him, Peter will blast the bastard's head off with Joe's shotgun, we leave his body to be eaten by the animals, we return home, tell Brenda he got mauled by a bear, and we all go home happy, right?"

"I don't know, Glenn," Lois said with concern, "It is one thing to save a poor woman from an abusive husband, but...lying to Brenda? I don't think I can..."

Before she could finish the sentence, she heard yelling from outside, as everyone look out the window, and overheard Jeff yelling at Brenda.

_HOW DARE YOU CHANGE MY CHANNEL, YOU STUPID BITCH!_

***punching sounds***

Everyone was shocked, when Lois narrowed her eyes and said" "Never mind, let's waste this dick..."

"Hey, I was going to say that!" Joe complained.

Meanwhile; in the forest of Quahog. Dylan's parents and the teenagers were here to help Dylan on controlling his werewolf form. Meg brought her bow and arrows for some reason.

"Here we are, we have until the night to train Dylan" Axel said "Shall we begin?"

"Yeah, I am super excited!" Amy Walker jumped for joy.

"God, your voice is as annoying as the chimpunk rendition of a chipmunk song" Axel groaned.

"Meg, why did you bring your bow and arrows?" Eddie asked.

"Axel, asked me to do it" Meg answered.

"You'll see" Axel replied.

"Okay, how am I gonna control my werewolf form?" Dylan asked.

"You have to control your human instincts first" Axel answered "You have to be stronger than your werewolf form. I'll show you" he stand right against a tree "Meg, shoot one of your arrows at me"

"What?" Meg asked surprised.

"I'm gonna to stop it" Axel answered.

"Are you CRAZY?" Eddie asked.

"Yeah, I'm not gonna do that" Meg said.

"Oh yeah, I forgot you're a chicken" Axel said arrogantly "A FAT and UGLY chicken! BWAK! BWAK! BWAK! BWAK! BWAK!"

Meg suddenly got pissed and prepared her bow.

"I'M GONNA PIERCE YOUR HEART LIKE A GODDAMN APPLE!" Meg shouted.

"NO, MEG!" Eddie screamed.

Meg shot the arrow, but Axel grabbed it before the tip touches his chest...ONE more inch and his chest would be pierced.

"See? Easy" Axel said with confidence.

"Meg, why did you do that?" Eddie asked angry.

"He provoke me!" Meg said.

"You could killed him!" Eddie continued scolding her.

"She wasn't even close" Axel said giving her arrow back "Maybe we're humans, but we still have animal instincts that allow us to survive. We're part of the evolution, Charles Darwin"

"I don't think I can't stop an arrow" Dylan said.

"You're not ready for the arrow, bro'" Axel replied "Now we'll test your fighting skills"

"Leave it this to me" Eddie said.

"You? Why?" Axel asked.

"Number 1: I don't trust you and number 2: this is my chance to DIRECT a fight scene" Eddie said "Matt, come over here"

"Me?" Matt asked.

"Both of you, fighting stance" Eddie ordered.

"But, I don't fight" Dylan said "I'm pacifist"

"Matt too, but you guys have to get stronger to control yourselves" Eddie said "I'm not asking you to get into street fights or anything like that. It's called 'self-defense'"

"Says the guy who kicked a bitch's ass" Chris said.

"Sarah deserved that, okay?" Eddie said "Anyway, Matt has to train his body to control his magic and you have to train to tame your inner beast. Now, Matt give it Dylan a punch and Dylan try to stop Matt's punch"

"You mean like this?" Matt asked slowly giving Dylan weak punches while Dylan was blocking the punches.

"Yes, keep going" Eddie praised "You're doing it great"

"Boring!" Chris complained.

"My grandma fights better than them" Axel said.

"Hey, they're not ready for harder fights, they must start in something" Eddie explained.

"You're doing great, son" Helena said.

"Yeah, keep going" Brian said.

"God, this is worse than that scene in the last Twilight movie" Axel said.

**(A/E: Okay, just ONE more joke, then no more Twilight jokes)**

**Flashback**

Axel was in the theater watching the movie.

"Do it, Bella!" Axel cheered "Burned that dildo face!"

But then he saw what happened after that...

**(A/E: SPOILERS FOR THE MOVIE!)**

"It was just an Alice's vision? WHAT THE F...?!"

**Flashback's end**

Meanwhile; the guys were ready for the 'hunting trip'.

"Oh right, we're gonna kill some animals!" Jeff cheered hugging hardly Quagmire with his arm "Right, Bro'-in-Law?"

"Ah..yeah!" Quagmire answered faking excitement.

"Thanks for supporting our plan, Lois" Peter thanked.

"Anything to save Brenda" Lois said "But are you sure the forest isn't dangerous?"

"That's why is perfect" Peter answered "We'll bring that bastard down!"

Suddenly Morcecai and Rigby from _Regular Show_ appeared **(A/E: What can I say? I like that show)**.

"Yeah, but speed it up, 'cause we want to bring our girlfriends to camp" Mordecai said.

"Wait a minute, you're not supposed to be in this cartoon" Joe said.

"Yeah, get the hell out of here!" Peter demanded as Mordecai was about to punch him, making him to flinch.

"You know what I like about you, Peter?" Mordecai asked "You make me seem funny"

Mordecai and Rigby back away and then Mordecai turns around and punches Peter causing him to fall down.

"OOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!" Mordecai and Rigby yelled their famous yelling.

Dylan and Matt continued 'fighting' and everybody was bored as hell.

"It's working, I think I'm getting stronger" Dylan said.

"Good for you, honey" Tracy praised.

"Eddie, are you gonna make rated PG-3 movies?" Axel asked "This is the worst fight I've ever seen in my life"

"That wasn't even an actual rating" Eddie said "Besides, they're just warming up"

"Well, I'll take this to the next level" Axel said pushing Matt away "All right, Dylan. Punch the palm of my hand"

"Okay" Dylan said punching Axel's hand "OW!"

"Again" Axel said.

"But your hand is so hard!" Dylan replied.

"AGAIN!" Axel demanded as Dylan continued punching the palm

"Why you're hand is so hard?" Dylan asked.

"My hand supported so many hardcore fights, I don't feel anything anymore" Axel said "Except of course the fuzzy fur of the sexy female anthropomorphic wolves..."

"That's sick, man" Eddie commented.

"Yeah? Zack already told me about your 'My Little Pony' obsession" Axel said.

"It's not an obsession, it's just a hobby" Eddie replied blushing "And the show has a good animation, creative characters, well-written script and valuable morals"

"I'm...tired" Dylan said after punching so many times.

"Come on, you're not gonna control your inner beast if you feel weak" Axel said.

"Give him a break, Axel" Meg said.

"Shut up, Meg" Axel said.

"***gasped*** How dare you to say that to my girlfriend?!" Eddie asked.

"Don't blame me, her father does that all the time" Axel answered.

"You think you're a better trainer?" Eddie asked "Amy, show Axel your Mr. Miyagi-like karate moves"

"Sorry, big brother, I only use my karate as self-defense" Amy said.

"Eddie, please don't start a fight right now" Meg said "Don't let your anger take over you"

Eddie decided to listen to her; so he breathed and exhaled to calm down.

"I'm sorry, Axel" Eddie apologizes.

"Me too, maybe I was a little harsh to Dylan" Axel said "You can have a break"

"Thanks" Dylan thanked.

"You're doing great, I'm proud of you" Tracy said.

"Yeah, who knows? Maybe someday you can become strong as a Saiyan" Brian replied.

**Cutaway**

Goku and Vegeta were about fight.

"Just you and me again, Kakarott" Vegeta said "Only this time, we'll fight...TO THE DEATH!"

"Actually, I'll appreciate if you don't try to kill me" Goku said "Or Chi-Chi would get pissed"

"We can bring you back with the Dragon Balls" Vegeta said.

"But she'll bitch me anyway" Goku said "So, don't try to kill, right?"

"HOW CAN THE STRONGEST WARRIOR OF THE UNIVERSE CAN'T DEAL WITH THE MOST USELESS WOMAN OF EARTH?!" Vegeta ranted "I MEAN, THE ONLY WORTHY THING WAS GIVING BIRTH GOHAN AND GOTEN!"

"Wow, I thought that before" Goku said.

**Cutaway's end**

Meanwhile, on the other side of the forest; the three friends were ready to execute their plan.

"All right, Jeff is looking for wood" Quagmire said "This is the perfect chance to eliminate him and save my sister from that horrible life. Peter get Joe's shotgun from the van"

"Okay" Peter said going to Joe's van for the shotgun, but he could't find it "Ah...guys, the shotgun is not here"

"What?" Quagmire asked "Joe, did you forget to bring it?"

"That's impossible, I never forget to bring a weapon with me" Joe answered.

"Then, where it is...?" Peter asked.

Suddenly Jeff was pointing Joe's shotgun at Peter and the others.

"You guys thought you were going to kill me, huh? Well, here's a smart idea, I give you a thirty second headstart, you guys run, and then I kill you all. 30, 29, 28..."

"You're not serious, right?" Quagmire said.

"24,23,22..."

"Come on, let's talk about this, Jeff" Joe said.

"20,19,18..."

"Oh, god, he is not joking! RUN!" Peter screamed, as everyone began to run away.

"16...2...1..." Jeff evilly smirked, as he then cocks his gun and said "It's showtime..."

Back with Dylan and the others; Axel was polishing his Ragnarok.

"Maybe I don't approve it, but you really know how to use these guns" Eddie commented

"You have no idea" Axel said "Ragnarok was my Dad's favorite. We had a great relationship...he was that kind of dad that would always be there for you no matter what, even if you had a scrape on the knee, or you somehow landed yourself in jail"

"He sounds awesome" Chris commented.

"Damn right he was awesome...in fact, he taught me many things that made me the great hunter I am today..." Axel said starting to tell his story.

**Flashback**

A 7 years old Axel was using a water gun to shoot soda cans, but he always missed.

"Darn it!" little Axel cursed until a bullet shot a can.

"You wanna be an ace shooter like your old man, kiddo?" Nathan asked.

"Yes, Dad" little Axel said.

"The trick is pointing closely the target, now shoot it" Nathan said.

Axel pointed at a soda can and he successfully hit it.

"It worked!" little Axel cheered.

"Wanna try with a REAL gun?" Nathan asked giving him his gun "This is Ragnarok. First originated back to the World War II when your Great Grandfather John Carter Everett used it to kill thousands of Germans. Then he passed it to your Grandfather, who used it to fight in Vietnam. He made Rambo look like a wuss. And now he passed it to me and one day this will be yours. Today can try it, just don't tell it to your mother"

Axel grabbed the gun to do the same...and he successfully shot the can too.

"I DID IT!" Axel cheered.

"That's my boy!" Nathan praised giving him a hug.

_He helped me embrace my love for nature...as well as my hate..._

It showed Axel and Nathan standing in the middle of the field, where Nathan shot a falcon. He and his father already hunted thousands for birds and a bear.

"And that's how you hunt using falconry...and now we have meat to last us the winter!" Nathan said.

_And we hunted the night away together..._

It showed Axel and Nathan effectively catching a wolf in a trap.

'Oh boy, we got a wolf!" little Axel praised "Let's kill it!"

"Wait, son, we should make sure that it's a boy first, because..." Nathan said.

"We want to enjoy hunting a species, not sending it to extinction" little Axel said.

"Exactly..." Nathan replied checking the wolf's gender "Well, it's a girl, sorry, son"

"Aw, well, I'll get another trap set up!" little Axel said running off.

Nathan looks around, and he got down to the wolf's ear.

"***whispering*** Me and my wife are going to have fun with you tonight..." Nathan said rubbing its head "Yes, you can wear her lingerie"

**Flashback's end**

"Wait, your father had a threesome with a female wolf?" Eddie asked surprised, shocked and disgusted at the same time "And what make you think he did that?"

"I f*ck with any creature, my...sexuality had to come from somewhere!" Axel said.

"And I thought I felt guilty for doing it with...a dog" Tracy said.

"He was a great man, you must understand how sacred is the love between Father and Son" Axel said.

"'Love between Father and Son'?" Eddie asked chuckling with irony "I don't believe in such a thing anymore..., he made me a bully, I ended in two juvies, raped by at least 12 bitches and tortured like Jesuschrist. It was his fault...I hope he dies and goes to hell..."

"Is that it?" Axel asked unimpressed "You're such a wimp..."

***BANG**!*

Everybody jumped for that tremendous sound.

"What the hell was that?" Brian asked.

"I don't know..." Tracy answered as she felt something "Wait...my 'Pervy-Weird-O Senses' are tingling"

"Oh, I guess I know what you mean..." Brian said seducing her.

"Sorry, boys, but I must go" Tracy said leaving.

"Oh come on! You don't wanna do a 'doggy-style'?!" Brian asked.

"Don't you notice I'M STILL HERE?" Dylan asked.

"Welcome to my world" Meg and Chris said at the same time.

"Still, I'm gonna follow her" Dylan said leaving too.

Tracy starts looking for what her 'senses' felt. She even found a cave.

"It's closer...but I can't see anything" Tracy said until she stepped on something.

"OW!" somebody screamed.

Tracy looked at the ground and found Quagmire buried, only wearing a camouflage mask to be confused with the ground.

"Quagmire!" Tracy exclaimed as she violently grabbing him and taking him out from the ground "This is what you do too? Burying yourself and wait for girls to catch them?!"

"This is not what you think" Quagmire said "I was hiding from some bastard who's trying to kill me and my friends!"

"Likely story..." Tracy commented not buying it.

"It's true" Quagmire replied.

"You're lucky I promised Brian not to hurt you anymore or I'd try castrate you again!" Tracy said with a menacing tone.

"Please, just listen to me and when I'm done, you can keep hating me if you want it" Quagmire said.

And so, they were inside of the cave, so Quagmire can explain everything to Tracy.

"Let me get this straight: you guys were planning to kill your sister's abusive husband?" Tracy asked.

"We tried to change her mind, but she had the stupid idea to have a complete family since she got pregnant" Quagmire answered "And what about you?"

"I was helping my son to control himself since he's a werewolf" Tracy said "And BRIAN was helping too"

"Okay, I was wrong when I called him a father failure" Quagmire said "Maybe I'm just jealous, because he gets everything just being a douche"

"Look who's talking..." Tracy said.

"Okay, I'm a douche too..." Quagmire confessed "But nobody understands what I've been through. My mother lives alone, my father is now a woman and now my sister...god, my life is f*cked up"

"I don't understand, you've been a jerk to women...but with your sister is different" Tracy said.

"Yes...I must confess that I'm a jerk and I'll always be" Quagmire said "But that doesn't me I can't be a caring brother. She's a nice girl...or she was, I never understood why she's being controlled by this...monster"

"I always thought you were the monster, but I guess the real monsters are the ones who hurt other people" Tracy said.

"Tracy, nobody's a monster, just people who chooses wrong ways" Quagmire said "Jeff chose beating up my sister and act like a complete A-hole. Unfortunately, I chose to live having sex with women everyday"

"Wow...that was depth, even from someone like you" Tracy said "Listen: maybe I know what you need"

"What is it?" Quagmire asked.

"A friend" Tracy answered

"I already have friends: Peter, Joe, Cleveland when he visits Quahog..."

"I mean a WOMAN friend" Tracy corrected "Somebody who you can talk about your feelings instead of having sex"

Suddenly Dylan appeared and found his mother with Quagmire. He doesn't call them, instead he just stared at them

"I don't know...what if Brian finds out"

"He won't, everytime I'm not with him, I'll be with you" Tracy said kissing him in the cheek.

Dylan was shocked for what he saw, so he ran away.

Meanwhile; Brian and the others were waiting for Dylan...

"God, I am so bored" Chris complained

"Yeah, I like camping and all, but this is ridiculous" Meg said.

"And it's getting dark" Eddie replied "I hope there's no full moon tonight"

"Well, you guys may not enjoy it, but every chance I can get, after a hunt, I would just drive my Impala out into the woods and lay on the hood, watching the stars..." Axel said.

"It must have been hard growing up on your own, not having anyone to look after you" Brian said.

"It was at first, but as the years went by, I learn to deal with it" Axel said "It became even easier when I started f*cking women every other night. But even then, it wouldn't fill it"

"Fill what?" Chris asked.

"The need...the need of actually being worth something to someone in their lives" Axel said "When my mom and dad died, I felt so alone, all my relatives were either dead or off living their own lives...it was just me and my thoughts..."

"Wow...I am really sorry to hear that" Brian said.

"It's fine really" Axel replied "I am actually enjoying our time right" suddenly they heard something and Axel pulled out his shotgun "Who's there?!"

Dylan came out from the bushed, heavily panting.

"Oh, it's you, Dylan..." Axel said.

"Dad...you are not gonna believe what I saw..." Dylan said.

"Son, is everything ok? You are sweating as hell!" Brian commented'

"No, dad, you don't understand" Dylan said "I saw-GAH!" he felt a big deal of pain as he begin to transform.

"Dylan?" Meg asked.

"Oh no..." Eddie looked out the sky, there's full moon "This is what I feared"

"Come on, Dylan, fight it!" Brian said.

But Dylan was roaring in pain, his body started growing fur and claws started growing from his fingers. His face was changing too: his nose and mouth slowly became muzzle, he got wolf ears, his teeth were getting sharper, even two deadly fangs appeared. His tail appeared and he stripped out his shirt only leaving his pants on. His transformation was completed. He just let out a heartbreaking howling to the full moon.

"Is that you, Dylan...?" Meg asked terrified.

"The monster is here!" Chris screamed hugging his sister.

"Son, look at me: it's me: your father" Brian said.

But Dylan's reasoning turned into pure instinct and he only watched his friends as dinner.

"We can't help him now, we gotta get the hell out of here" Axel said "Come on!"

Everyone flees to the Impala. Then Dylan heard the maniacal laugh of Jeff within the forest. He let out another howling and went hunting.

At the other part of the forest; Tracy heard the howling and got shocked.

"Dylan!" Tracy exclaimed.

"What's wrong?" Quagmire asked.

"I must go back" Tracy said running as fast she can.

"Wait!" Quagmire said following her.

She tried to find Dylan and the others until...she found the werewolf staring at her.

"Dylan?" Tracy asked.

Quagmire appeared, but he stepped off a branch making Dylan to react.

"ROAAAAAR!" Werewolf Dylan roared.

Tracy and Quagmire had no choice, but to run away from them. They ran as fast, so they don't become dinner. They luckily found Joe's van and they got out. It was high enough to avoid the werewolf.

"*hardly breathing* We did it..." Tracy said.

"We're safe..." Quagmire said until a shotgun pointed at him.

"I dont think so, future ex-bro'-in-law..." Jeff said evilly smiling cocking the shotgun, ready to open fire.

But Tracy kicked the shotgun to make him drop it. She tried to fight Jeff, but Jeff was stronger and started beating her like he does to Brenda. Quagmire tried to help her, grabbing his neck. At least that worked as distraction, so Tracy can take the shotgun and pointed at him. But Jeff had Quagmire ready to break his neck.

"Go on!" Jeff said "Shoot and that bitch's brother will die too!"

"What did you do to my friends?!" Quagmire asked.

"Nothing, they ran away like cowards...but that's okay" Jeff answered "Once I kill you both, they're the next..."

"That's something I cannot let you...!" Tracy said ready to open fire.

"If you kill me, my kid will never meet its father" Jeff said.

"You don't deserve to be a father..." Tracy said wiping her blood out of her mouth "Not even a husband..."

"I can still do it..." Jeff said "I can still break this guy's neck...then kill you with my bare hands..."

"Do it...now..." Quagmire whispered.

***BANG**!"

Tracy blasted Jeff's hand off.

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!" Jeff screamed of pain letting Quagmire free.

"Hasta la vista...dick-head" Quagmire coldly said pushing him off of the van ending up with the werewolf.

"No...NOOOOOOOOO!" Jeff screamed being eaten alive by the werewolf.

The van was splatting with Jeff's gore and blood while Tracy had her eyes closed and Quagmire was watching his brother-in-law continued being eaten. The werewolf was actually enjoying a bloody feast...nothing, but Jeff's bones and some organs were left...he's gone.

Next morning...Lois, Helena, Bonnie and Brenda were waiting in the Griffins' living room. They were worried, because their husbands, kids, Brian and Tracy didn't' come back last night. Until they finally showed up (only Tracy and Dylan got back to the apartment)...covered with mud and tired. Lois was happy to see them again, but then Quagmire told the news to his sister telling a 'creature' killing and eating Jeff alive. She cried after that. In this whole scene, nobody spoke and it was followed by bittersweet music.

Afterwards; It was just Meg and Eddie in Meg's room.

"Last night was...uneventful" Eddie commented.

"Actually, Eddie, I don't wanna talk about that" Meg said "After seeing Dylan as...that creature...I can't help, but feeling sorry for him"

"I never thought so many strange things are happening" Eddie said "I'll never see the world at the same way anymore"

"There's something I don't understand...what was Dylan trying to say?" Meg asked "He said he saw something"

"Whatever it is, it couldn't be worse than what happened to him" Eddie replied.

Meanwhile, in Tracy's apartment; she entered her son's room carrying a tray with Pepto Bysmol and a glass of water, because Dylan had a terrible stomachache.

"This will make you feel better..." Tracy said as she found Axel sitting in the bed next with Dylan "Axel?"

"Dylan already told me" Axel said.

"What do you mean?" Tracy asked.

"I saw you" Dylan answered "You and Mr. Quagmire"

"What?"

"Don't deny it" Axel said very coldly "How could you do that? After what he did to Brian!"

"It's not what it looks like" Tracy said nervous.

"I don't care what it looks like" Axel said "Brian has become like a father to me and Dylan as a brother. You as a mother? Not a good start. As grateful as I am for taking me in, I will not stand idly by. So let me tell you this: You take one step back, just ONE little slip, anything that could hurt Brian...I will not hesitate to hunt you down"

He left the room slamming the door.

"Son, I..." Tracy tried to say something, but Dylan refused to listen to her "Please take your medicine. When you feel better, can we talk?" even without an answer, she puts the tray on the table and left the room.

**End of the chapter**

**(A/E: Again, sorry if you feel offended for this chapter, this is just MY version of this episode. Anyway, don't forget your comment! :))**


	19. Laugh Free or Die Hard

**Chapter 19: Laugh Free or Die Hard**

In high school gym; everybody was going to play dodgeball.

"All right, we'll make the teams" the Coach (Frank) said as Connie raises her hand "Connie?"

"I already chose my team: everyone except Meg, Eddie, Dylan and Axel" Connie said.

"Don't you think it's a little 'unfair' for the other team?" the Coach (Frank) asked.

"Oh, maybe you don't know what happened to our previous coach" Connie answered.

"Alright, let's start this!" the Coach (Frank) said using his whistle.

The game began as Connie's team started throwing dodgeballs at them, mostly at Meg. Fortunately, Eddie was there to protect her.

"AH!" Meg screamed as a ball was about to hit her until Eddie caught it.

"Don't worry, Meg, I'm here to protect y-" then he was hit by dozens of dodgeballs.

Connie had a dodgeball ready to throw, scaring Meg.

"Oh my god, oh my god, I don't wanna die!" Meg screamed scared "I already threw away all my suicide tools!"

"You're dead, lardass!" Connie said.

She threw the ball at her, but it was caught... by Axel.

"Aw man, it's that one kid!" a jock said.

"Do you guys really enjoy making these guys' lives miserable?" Axel asked "Well, you just made one badass hunter angry..."

"Shut up with this hunter bullcrap!" Connie said "Get him!"

All the jocks on Connie's team grabbed a dodgeball and they all throw at him...but he dodged all of the dodgeballs Matrix-style, bending backwards and weaving around every dodgeball, then relatiating by grabbing them throwing them back at a very high rate of speed, hitting every jock like bowling pins. Connie was horrified.

"It's that all you got?" Axel asked.

"MY GOD! WHAT ARE YOU?!" Connie asked.

"Me?" Axel asked as the camera closes in on his face "I'm your executioner..."

In fear, Connie grabbed a dodgeball and threw it hard at him...but he catches it with both his hands...inner-peace style (from _Kung Fu Panda 2_), and with a evil grin, he started spiraling midair, creating a yin-yang symbol, and before he threw it, he whispered "SKA-DOOSH!", as the dodgeball sends Connie to the gym's wall **(A/E: I know she's already eliminated since Axel caught the ball, I know Dodgeball's rules...but I LOVE making her suffer!)**. She was unconscious like a fainted Pokémon.

"Connie's team lose, Meg, Eddie, Axel and Dylan win" The Coach (Frank) said.

"WAY TO GO, GUYS!" Amy (wearing her cheerleader outfit) cheered.

"Sweet beans...that was freaking awesome!" Dylan praised.

"Bitches never prosper" Axel replied.

Eddie at the other hand was harmed by all the dodge balls that hit him. The coach approached him to tend to his wounds.

"Are you okay...'son'?" the Coach (Frank) asked with a doubtful tone when he said 'son'"

"I'm fine..." Eddie as his coach took out a healing ointment and applied on Eddie's wounds "Thanks"

"You did a good job, protecting your girlfriend" the Coach (Frank) said.

"Wait, how do you know Meg is my girlfriend?" Eddie asked.

"Ah...coach instincts?" the Coach (Frank) answered nervously.

"Cool!" Eddie praised.

"All right guys, class dismissed, to the showers" the Coach (Frank) ordered whistling.

"Axel, thanks for saving me from Connie's attack" Meg thanked "If I wasn't dating Eddie, I'd give you a kiss"

"***sarcastically*** Thanks, maybe I should kill him and make god f*cking love to you" Axel said "***normal tone*** I'd rather be shaved by Sweeney Todd"

**Cutaway**

Sweeney Todd was attending to a fat costumer.

"You chose the perfect day to come" Sweeney said "We're out of meat pies"

"What?" the fat costumer asked.

"Nothing!" Sweeney answered

**Cutaway's end**

In the showers; so many naked guys were taking a shower (enjoy, ladies). Axel was showing his scars.

"Every scar represents a memory of my hunts" Axel said pointing at one of the scars "This was made by a lion when I was in Africa"

"I was in Africa once...I was hunted by elephant hunters" Chris said.

"Hey guys, you wanna do something after school?" Eddie asked.

"If we're going to watch a new episode of _My Little Pony_..." Axel answered.

"No, the season is over anyway" Eddie corrected "But I know a comedy club called 'The Laughing Hyena'. It's gonna be fun, they invite special guests every week. This week is Chris Rock"

"I'm in" Axel said.

"Me too!" Chris replied.

After taking a shower and getting dressed; Chris and Axel were the first to come out and they found Amy hugging the Coach.

"Wow, looks like Amy really enjoys spending time with the Coach" Chris said.

"I don't trust that coach" Axel said "He's too close to Eddie's little sister"

"He doesn't seem a bad man" Chris said "He seems like a nice man like Mr. Herbert"

**Flashback**

"I hope you don't mind that I invited a friend for dinner" Chris said.

"Of course not, dear" Lois replied.

**DING-DONG**

"He's here!" Chris said opening the door, who happens to be...Mr. Herbert.

"Hello there...!" Mr. Herbert greeted.

"OH MY GOD, HE'S OUT OF JAIL" Lois screamed.

"DON'T LET HIM TOUCH MY ASS!" Peter said in fear while protecting his ass.

But Mr. Herbert puts on sunglasses and uses a Memory Eraser to erase Peter's and Lois's memories.

"Thanks for inviting me" Mr. Herbert said.

"You're always welcome" Lois replied.

"You're a friendly and fragile old man" Peter said "Let's go, I'm starved"

The Griffins go to the dining room first.

"Thank you, Mr. Will Smith" Mr. Herbert said "I hope your son Jaden gives me a massage"

**Flashback's End**

"Open your eyes, Chris!" Axel said "What if he's a pedo? Isn't Amy the girl you like?"

Suddenly Chris imagined he and Amy together.

**Fantasy Sequence**

Amy (dressed like Lois Lane) is tied to a chair while the coach is pointing at her with a gun.

"Bwahahahaha!" The Coach laughed.

"HELP!" Amy screamed.

Then Chris dressed as Superman appeared to rescue her as Superman theme is playing.

"Leave that lady alone!" Chris said with a heroic tone.

"NEVER!" The Coach said shooting a him, but he didn't feel anything.

Then Chris used his heat-vision to melt the coach's gun.

"ARGH!" The Coach screamed from his hand being burned.

Chris grabbed and punched him through a couple of walls.

"My hero!" Amy cheered.

"Don't let the guy who directed _300_ make a movie about me" Chris said.

**(A/E: Too late, he already did that)**

**Fantasy Sequence's end**

"Yes" Chris answered.

"Then let's hunt down that bastard" Axel said.

"All right!" Chris replied "But after the comedy club, okay?"

"Okay" Axel agreed.

Our heroes went to 'The Laughing Hyena'. Matt, Matthew, Zack, Cody and ROB-B came along.

"All right everybody, show your fake IDs and act natural" Eddie said as everybody show their IDs.

The bodyguard of the entrance checked everyone's fake IDs. But when he inspected Cody and ROB-B.

"Wait a minute, this guy is a little boy" the bodyguard said.

"I'm a dwarf, how dare you call me a little boy?!" Cody asked offended.

"Then why your voice is so high-pitched" the bodyguard asked.

"I have laryngitis" Cody answered.

"Okay, come on in" the bodyguard said "But the robot can't come with you"

"ROB-B!" ROB-B said.

"Wait, are you WALL-E?" the bodyguard asked "I LOVE your movie! Sorry is I was being rude, you're welcome"

Everybody entered the club.

"Finally" Zack commented.

Once inside; they watched a stand up featuring Chris Rock.

"One day I went in the supermarket to buy white bread and the cashier said: 'I thought you were black!'" Chris Rock said.

***Crowd laughing, except Meg***

"This club is stupid" Meg complained "The jokes are not even funny"

"Stop complaining and drink a Rhode Island Ice Tea" Zack said giving her a glass of that drink.

"But I'm not even 21..." Meg said.

"Shut up and drink it!" Zack said making her drink it.

**4 Rhode Island Ice Teas later...**

"You wanna hear more?" Chris Rock asked.

"We already heard your voice..., we wanna hear you shut up!" Meg said very drunk

***crowd laughing***

"I'm serious..., we heard him enough in the three _Madagascar_ films and the last one wasn't ironically a pain in the ass...!" Meg said.

***crowd laughing***

"That's true" Eddie commented.

"You wanna hear more? Okay..." Meg said

She got upon the stage and took Chris Rock's place.

"I live with a house full of asses..." Meg said "One day I tried to enter my house, but it looked like nobody was home. I knocked on the door again, but they said nobody was home!

***crowd laughing***

"That's funny, because it's true!" Chris said.

"Oh, can you see my brother over there? The fat one" Meg said "I mean, he and Dad are so fat that they make Jabba the Hut look like a bodybuilder!"

***crowd laughing***

"Okay, now that hurts" Chris said in a sad tone.

"Come on, pal, she's not laughing at you" Eddie said.

"Oh, right next to him that is my boyfriend..." Meg said "I love him, he's the most sensitive guy I ever met... But sometimes he's a little too sensitive. Every time we have sex, he cries saying how special it was!

***crowd laughing***

"HA-HA, you're a crybaby when you get laid?" Matthew asked.

"***mocking*** The baby needs a pacifier?" Axel asked.

"That's...not true" Eddie said blushing.

"I have a childhood friend called Matthew Ryder, he's a sword master" Meg said "He also has a slutty sister. Maybe he should put his sword on her stone!"

***crowd laughing***

"Dear lord..." Matthew said humiliated.

"Thank god I didn't get the incest joke" Eddie said.

"Dude, she's freaking funny!" Zack commented.

"I love your girlfriend!" Cody commented.

"ROB-B!" ROB-B replied cheerful.

"Oh, I know a guy, who used to be a bully..." Meg said "But now he has a suicidal two years-old son and trains his toaster to fight with other appliances!"

***crowd laughing***

"And...she insulted me" Zack said.

"Dude, I hate your girlfriend..." Cody commented "And I'm not suicidal just because I'm a goth!"

"ROB-B..." ROB-B replied grumpy.

"Come on, she's drunk and let's face it: her jokes are pretty funny" Axel said.

"And don't forget about Axel, this guy is a psychotic hunter..." Meg replied "But when he meets a female wolf, he's a womanizer or should I say WOLFMANIZER?!"

Everybody was bursting out of laughing, except the guys who were made fun of. This was a very humiliating afternoon.

"This is worse than when they cancelled _the Finder_" Axel commented.

**Flashback**

Axel was watching TV.

_The Finder was cancelled._

"F*CK YOU, FOX!" Axel shouted shooting at the TV.

**Flashback's end**

Next day; everybody was in the living room and Meg was crying of embarrassment for yesterday.

"***crying*** I've never been so humiliated in my life!" Meg said "I'm just as stupid as my dad!"

"Come on, your dad is the stupidest man I ever know" Matthew said.

"I'm really, really sorry guys, I never meant to say those horrible things" Meg said.

"You were drunk, get over it" Axel said "I did crazier stuff when I was drunk"

"I'm not mad at you, Meg" Eddie said "Men can be sensitive too"

**Flashback**

Eddie was shouting at a poster of the movie _The Ugly Truth_.

"Shut up, Gerald Butler!" Eddie angrily shouted "You sexist liar!"

**Flashback's end**

"I'm sorry, Cody and ROB-B" Meg said.

"I hope they burn you alive, bitch..." Cody replied very coldly.

ROB-B drew in a paper a picture of Meg (dressed as a wtich) being burned alive.

"Guys, don't be so harsh on her" Eddie said "Like she said before: she didn't mean to say those insults. Besides, it is Zack's fault for getting her drunk"

"Oh yeah, blame the bully" Zack said sarcastically.

**DING-DONG!**

"I wonder who it is" Chris said going to the door.

When he opened it, he found...ROBIN WILLIAMS!

"Hello kiddo!" Robin Williams greeted.

"Oh...my...GOD!" Eddie cheered "You're Robin Williams, one of the funniest actors of all time!"

"***imitating Rocky Balboa*** Absolutely..." Robin Wlliams replied "*normal voice* Anyway, I'm looking for a young girl called 'Meg Griffin'"

"It's me" Meg said.

"I saw your performance yesterday and it was TERRIFIC!" Robin Williams said.

"No, it wasn't" Meg replied "It was humiliating and I hurt my friends' feelings"

"Would you like to have your own comedy stand up?" Robin Williams asked "I even have the perfect name 'Laugh Free or Die Hard'. ***imitating John McClane*** Yippie kay yay, motherf-"

**(A/E: Watch out, I'm keeping the T rating for the readers)**

"That's f*cking bullsh*t, f*ck the f*cking readers!" Mathew said.

I had enough, so I used the cursor to remove Matthew's mouth.

"Still, I don't think I'm comedian material" Meg said.

"Nonsense, you reminded me of myself when I was your age" Robin Williams replied "I was shy and not very popular, but now look at me: I even have an Oscar!" he took out his Oscar "***imitating Halle Berry and crying*** Thanks a lot for this Oscar...God blesses all!"

"Meg, you must accept this offer" Eddie said "I'll be your manager to give you support"

"...okay, I'll do it" Meg agreed "But my jokes will be harmless and family-friendly"

"ALL RIGHT!" Robin Williams cheered like the Genie from _Aladdin_ "Come with me, we have a lot of work to do"

Meg and Eddie followed Robin Williams, leaving the other guys alone.

"Wow, she insulted us and became a clown" Cody said.

"Well, while Meg is enjoying her new fame, Chris and me have work to do" Axel said "Right, Chris?"

"Yeah...what do you mean?" Chris asked confused, making Axel rolling his eyes.

"Hunt down the Italian pedo and save your chipmunk girlfriend!" Axel answered.

"Oh, right!" Chris said "We're coming, Amy!" He goes to the door, but he didn't realized it was closed and crashed "OW!"

"Dude, why did you choose Meg's dumbass brother?" Matthew asked.

"I don't know, I just have a good feeling about him" Axel answered "Just like positive people"

**Cutaway**

There three people camping: two men and a woman. They're lost, starving and it's already night.

"That's it, we're doomed!" Male camper #1 said.

"We're never gonna get out of here!" Female camper replied.

"Come on guys! Sure, we're out of food and a bear took our stuff" Male camper #2 said "But it could be worse: it could be raining"

Then it started raining.

"You had to say 'raining', right?" Male camper #1 asked annoyed.

"Look at the bright side: rain is good for the plants" Male camper #2 answered.

"We have to eat him" Male camper #1 said.

"I'll take his legs" Female camper replied.

**Cutaway's end**

Chris and Axel were outside of the Walkers' apartment hiding in the bushes, waiting for Amy.

"I'm bored..." Chris compained.

"Patience, my student" Axel said in a wise tone "You must master the art of patience and silence to reach the level of becoming a master hunter"

Amy finally got out of the apartment and skipping instead of walking like a happy girl.

"The chipmunk has left the nest." Axel said "Let's go"

The guys silently followed Amy, so she doesn't notices their presence. They continued following her until to a cheap apartment where Frank (still dressed as the Coach) was waiting for her.

"Thank you for coming" the Coach (Frank) "Are you ready to have fun?"

"I told Mom I was going to the mall with Meg" Amy asked "Wait, are you going out dressed like this?"

"I feel safe pretending to be someone else" the Coach (Frank) answered.

"Okay, let's go then!" Amy replied.

They started walking off, while the guys came out from the bushes.

"The chipmunk is now with the wolf" Axel said "And we won't let it become its prey"

"I don't get it: you're a hunter and yet we're protecting an animal from another animal?" Chris asked.

"You wanna be with Amy?" Axel asked "Stop questioning my methods"

"Okay" Chris agreed.

Meanwhile; in Quahog's theater titled 'Laugh Free or Die Hard' with Megan Griffin. So many people came in to watch the show. But backstage, Meg was nervous as hell.

"I can't do this, there's a lot people out there!" Meg said very panicked.

"You'll do fine, I believe in you" Eddie replied.

"***imitating Falkor from _NeverEnding Story_*** Never give up, Atreyu" Robin Williams said.

"I'm getting sick of these imitations" Meg commented.

Meg finally comes out as everybody applauds.

"Hi...my name is Meg Griffin" Meg awkwardly greeted "And...welcome to my show" she cleared her throat "Ah...what's up with dogs? Are they God's pets? Because 'dog' backwards is 'god'" but nobody laughed making Meg nervous and drank some water "Okay, how about a movie that everybody loves? Shrek! Huh...that scene where Donkey says 'In the morning, I'll make the waffles!', what is that suppose to mean? A donkey making waffles?"

_You suck!_

"What's wrong with her?" Robin Williams asked "She's unfunny as Rob Schneider"

"Wait, now I remember: she was drunk when she told the jokes" Eddie said "Maybe if we can get alcohol into her system..."

"I'll take care of it" Robin Williams said taking out a little bottle of alcohol.

He used the stairs to get up onstage and put a couple drops of alcohol into Meg's glass of water. The crowd started to hate her.

"Wait, I still have more!" Meg said drinking water "What's up with Lindsay Lohan?" then she felt the alcohol starting to have effect on her brain "I mean...she's in parole now, but for how much longer?" A couple of people started to chuckle "I mean, she and Charlie Sheen are trying to become better people. But just in case: hide your chicks and drugs!"

***crowd laughing***

"It's working, people are laughing" Eddie said.

"*imitating the Emperor Palpatine* The Force is strong within her" Robin Williams said.

Meanwhile, Amy and her father started spending their day together while Chris and Axel were following them. This 'spy montage' is showing while the song 'Everybody Needs a Best Friend' from _Ted_ is playing **(A/E: it's a shame it lost against 'Skyfall'. It's okay, Skyfall is more awesome)**.

_My words are lazy_

_My thoughts are hazy_

_But this is one thing I'm sure of_

_Everybody needs a best friend_

_I'm happy I'm yours_

First: they were in the park feeding colorful birds, she kneed to the cooing birds and suddenly Frank extended his hand. Axel thought he was going to touch her butt, but when actually it was Amy's cellphone that fell from her panda shoulder-bag. They left the park as Chris grabbed some of the bird food and he was attacked by pigeons, so Axel only to have shoot every pigeon with his Desert Eagle.

_You got a double_

_Who brings you trouble_

_And though you're better without me_

_Everybody needs a best friend_

_I'm happy I'm yours_

Then: they were in one of the clothing stores within a mall. They were choosing a lingerie set for her. Frank pointed a random set. Axel thought he was pointing at a slutty ruby lingerie set, but actually it was a plain, but cute pink set. Axel snapped his fingers in frustration while Chris puts on a bra on his head, just to get beaten up by three women. Axel kicked their asses afterwards.

_A fool could see decidedly_

_That you're a ten and I'm a three_

_A royal brie is what you need_

_So how did you come to be stuck with a bummer like me_

And finally: they were eating at a hotdog stand. Amy took a bite out of her hotdog and drops of mustard spilled on her blouse. Frank took a wipe and extended his arm again. Axel thought he was going to use it as an excuse to touch her breasts. But actually, he was giving it to Amy, so she can clean herself. Axel was so mad, that he threw his hotdog...at a muscle man effectively pissing him off. But Axel just took out his Ragnarok and pointed it at him before the man could even approach him

_Oh you got a... full of dreadful_

_And yet lest that someone adores you_

_Everybody needs a best friend_

Meanwhile, in the Quahog's theater; Meg was taking a break after telling some good jokes.

"You're doing great, Meg" Eddie praised.

"I can't believe they find me funny" Meg said.

"I told you have potential as a comedian" Robin Williams said "Nothing can go wrong"

***BANG***

They jumped from the loud sound and they saw all of the people were leaving the theater in panic because of the gunshot.

"What's going on?" Meg asked.

They got outside, only to see the one who fired the shot to scare the people was...Adam Sandler.

"Adam Sandler?" Robin Williams asked.

"Oh no..." Eddie complained.

"So you're the new 'funny girl', right?" Adam Sandler asked "Trying to steal other comedians' success?"

"What's wrong with him?" Eddie asked.

"It's my fault, I challenged him to a poker game once and he lost" Robin Williams answered.

"And I'm not alone, I brought some friends" Adam Sandler said.

So many famous comedians appeared from nowhere.

"So many famous comedians" Eddie said "Kevin James, Jack Black, David Spade, Sarah Silverman, Ben Stiller, Steve Carrell, Zack Galifianakis, Will Ferrell, Amy Phoeler and...***dreaming*** Tina Fey"

"Are you serious?" Meg asked.

"You never watched _Baby Mama_?" Eddie asked "I watched it 53 times"

"There's not enough room for one more comedian" David Spade said.

"Especially an ugly and annoying girl like you" Sarah Silverman said.

"Yeah, we don't need another Fockers' trilogy" Ben Stiller replied.

"Oh, shut up, Stiller" Will Ferrell said "You're only funny when a monkey slaps you in the face"

"That's not true" Ben Stiller said as Kevin James took out a monkey and slapped him in the face "OW!"

***everybody laughs***

"Look: I'm not trying to steal your fame" Meg said "Just don't kill me!"

"We're not gonna kill you" Zack Galifianakis "We're not that extreme"

"We're gonna solve this like good comedians" Jack Black said.

"How?" Eddie asked.

Everybody stripped off their clothes revealing 90's rappers' outfits.

"YO MOMMA JOKES!" everybody exclaimed.

"This is bad..." Meg said.

"Really bad..." Eddie replied.

"Sorry, I'm all out of imitations" Robin Williams said.

"Finally!" Meg said.

Meanwhile, in the mal|; Frank and Amy were sitting on a bench, talking and laughing.

"I don't get it, he had several chances to make the moves on her" Axel said "What kind of pedophile is this man?"

"Maybe you had pinned all wrong, maybe he's not a bad man at all" Chris suggested.

"I'm so glad that I got to spend another day with you" the Coach (Frank) said.

"Hey, we still have a couple of hours" Amy said standing up "Let's do something else!" when she was about to walk, she trips off and she was about to fall.

"Got you!" the Coach said grabbing her and they both ended on the ground...they laughed afterwards.

"He's touching her, LET'S GET HIM!" Chris exclaimed.

Chris and Axel came out from their hiding and attacked Frank.

"GAH! What the hell?!" the Coach (Frank) asked.

"We got you, son of a bitch!" Axel said.

"Guys!" Amy exclaimed.

"Don't worry, Amy, we came to rescue you!" Chris said.

"Wait, it's not what you think!" Frank said.

"Save it, 'coach', people like you don't deserve to live..." Axel said, pointing his Ragnarok at him.

"Don't hurt him!" Amy demanded, kicking the gun out of his hand.

"WHAT THE...?" Axel asked.

"I won't let you hurt him" Amy said in karate stance.

"Step aside, Amy, he must be punished" Axel said pushing her aside, but she used her karate moves to hit him in the stomach, the face, and the stomach again "ARGH! OW! D'OH!"

"Whoa..." Chris said amazed.

"I'm sorry, I don't wanna hurt you" Amy said.

"Eddie wasn't lying at all..." Axel said mentally "WHAT ARE YOU?!"

"Me?" Amy asked as the camera closes in on his face "I'm the Karate Girl..."

Already mad, Axel quickly got back to his feet and was about to retaliate with a wicked one-two punch, but she used the Crane Technique to kick him the face and he ended back on the ground.

"No. Freaking. Way..." Chris commented completely shocked.

Some people were watching the fight the entire time (don't ask me why nobody called the mall cops).

"Why are you guys still watching?" the Coach (Frank) asked at them "Show's over, nothing to see here!"

People returned to their activities as Chris helped Axel get back up.

"Are you okay?" Amy asked.

"I'm fine, thanks" the Coach thanked.

"Damn it, that really hurted...both physically and mentally" Axel said with a black left eye and his nose bleeding.

"Well I'm sorry, you were going to kill my dad!" Amy scolded him.

"DAD?!" Chris and Axel asked horrified

"JESUSCHRIST, COACH! IS THERE NO END TO YOUR SICKNESS?!" Axel asked disgusted.

"NOT LIKE THAT!" the Coach (Frank) replied taking off his fake mustache and hat "I am her father Frank Walker!"

"Wait...Walker?" Axel asked "You're the father that Eddie has been bitching about?"

"Yes...I am the abusive bastard..." Frank said ashamed.

"What were you doing dressed up as Mario?" Chris asked.

"It was a disguise Amy thought up so I could be closer to her and Eddie" Frank answered.

"He's not ready to show himself yet" Amy explained "He wants to earn his trust first"

"Why didn't you just do what Robin Williams did and dressed up as a nanny called Ms. Doubtfire?" Chris asked.

"What am I, a crossdresser?" Frank asked.

"Okay, you're officially cooler than your son..." Axel said.

Meanwhile, in they were ready for the 'Yo Momma Jokes' battle.

"You're gonna face us, one-by-one, telling your best Yo Momma jokes" Adam Sandler said.

"Are you sure you don't wanna use this?" Eddie asked holding a bottle of alcohol.

"No, I'm gonna tell the jokes without a single drop" Meg said "Bring it on!"

"I'll go first" Adam Sandler said "Play it, Jack" Jack Black turned on the stereo to play rap music "Yo momma is so poor, she can't even afford the last two letters!"

***Everybody laughed***

"Well...yo momma is so poor...she can't afford to pay attention!" Meg said.

***Everybody laughed***

"Yo Momma is so ugly, she made an onion cry!" Sarah Silverman said.

***Everybody laughed***

"Yo momma is so ugly...she died in a mirror house" Meg said.

***Everybody laughed***

"Dark, but it works" Robin Williams praised.

"Yo momma is so fat, she went bungee jumping and went straight to hell!" Kevin James said.

***Everybody laughed***

"Yo momma is so fat...when she wore that red dress, everybody yelled 'Hey, Kool-Aid!'" Meg said.

***Everybody laughed***

"Hey, that was rude!" Kool-Aid said comforting his crying mother.

"My turn: Yo Momma is so furry, she could be mistaken as a bear!" Tina Fey said, but nobody laughed "Get it? Because bears are fat and...furry?"

"Well, yo Momma is furry, she makes Chewbacca looking like Vin Diesel!" Meg said.

***Everybody laughed***

"The winner is Meg!" Robin Williams said.

"Damn it!" Adam Sandler cursed "Well, a comedian knows when to call it quits "I'm going to make Jack and Jill 2 **(A/E: Thank God, it doesn't exists)**

Everybody leaves defeated.

"You were awesome, Meg" Eddie said.

"Thanks, but you know what? I'm done with comedy" Meg said "It's just not for me, I mean, can you imagine somebody making a show about my life just for laughs?"

"Nobody has the nerve to do that" Eddie said.

"Well, I guess my work here is done" Robin Williams said "Sayonara!" he takes out some...golden dust, and sprinkles it all over himself and he starts spinning around, pretending he's flying "Look at me, I'm Peter Pan!"

"Should we tell him?" Meg asked.

"Nah, let him dream" Eddie answered.

Meanwhile; Frank, Amy, Chris and Axel walked to Frank's apartment.

"Wow, I'm sorry about what happened to your parents" Axel said "I know how it feels to lose people you care about"

"It's okay, the important thing now is to get my family back" Frank replied "But for now, I don't want Eddie knowing my secret identity"

"Don't worry, Frank" Axel said "I have no intentions of telling that whiny, over-senstive, bad taste in women, pony-loving, grudge-holding..."

"Not to mention having a weird fetish with cross-dressing" Amy said.

"Cross-dressing douche!" Axel said.

"...did you just call my son 'girly'?" Frank asked confused.

"Yeah, sometimes I play 'dress-up' with him and he enjoys it...a lot" Amy confessed.

"That's okay, I can live with that" Frank said.

"So your secret is safe with me, how about we grab a beer sometimes?" Axel asked.

"No thanks, I don't drink anymore" Frank answered "Besides, it's getting late"

"Good-bye, Mr. Walker" Chris said.

"Good night, Daddy" Amy replied.

"Good night, sweetie cake" Frank said kissing her cheek and going to his apartment.

They continued walking to Amy's apartment.

"Amy, I'm sorry about us spying on you and your dad" Chris said ashamed.

"Don't sweat it, It's good to see you guys worrying for me" Amy said kissing Chris's cheek and going to her apartment.

"I did it, Amy kissed me!" Chris cheered.

"And she kicked my ass...the most humiliating defeat of my life" Axel said "I don't get it: I fought with monsters, Nazis, supernatural beings, even Freddy Kruger and Jason Voorhees in a two-on-one brawl. Where did she learn to do all that?"

"I don't know, but she's awesome!" Chris praised "I can't wait to make her my girlfriend"

"Good luck with that, pal" Axel said "If you excuse me...I'll need to consult my psychologist"

"I wonder how are the guys doing without us" Chris wondered.

In the Griffins' house; Lois came in with the groceries and she found the guys in their underwear, except ROB-B since robots don't wear clothes, playing Poker.

"What the hell?!" Lois asked "Why are you guys half naked?!"

"It's a long story" Zack answered.

**(A/E: Meg's Boyfriend reference! HAHA!)**

**End of the Chapter**


	20. Parade, American Style

**Chapter 20: Parade, American Style**

**(A/E: Just like the chapter 'the Hunter Games', this is an alternate version of the episode 'Thanksgiving'. Maybe you guys are thinking 'you're too lazy on thinking in original ideas'. Well, don't expect if this chapter is as good as the actual episode. I don't hate it, it's just I expected it more since they brought back a character supposedly dead. Anyway, I hope this doesn't offend you guys, enjoy it.)**

At James Woods High School; many parents arrived for the school play: 'Hamlet'. Outside there was the Griffins, Helena and Tracy.

"I'm so excited for this play" Helena said "Do you know my son directed AND starred it?"

"I know, it's gonna be great" Lois commented.

"After the play, I'm gonna drink...a lot" Peter replied, making Lois pulling his ear "OW! What the hell?!"

"I don't wanna repeat of what happened at Meg's elementary school play" Lois said.

**Flashback**

Lois was congratulating 10 years old Meg, who played Marian in Robin Hood.

"You were wonderful, sweetie" Lois praised.

"Where's Daddy?" little Meg asked.

Peter appeared with a bouquet of flowers...and he's heavily drunk.

"I bought you flowers...!" Peter said as he threw up on her.

**Flashback's end**

The scene where Hamlet (played by Eddie) speaks his famous monologue is shown.

"To be, or not to be, that is the question" Hamlet (Eddie) said with his best British accent "To die, to sleep, is that all? Aye all"

Inside of a horse were Dylan and Chris, in which Dylan was the front part and Chris was the rear part.

"Why did I get the horse part?" Dylan asked embarrassed "Why not a gravedigger? I could be a good clown"

"Dylan, I don't feel so good" Chris said with a stomachache "I shouldn't have eaten that burrito from Taco Bell"

"Chris, don't even think about..." Dylan warned.

"Too late" Chris said

***Fart sound***

"OH MY F*CKING GOD!" Dylan screamed "THIS IS WORSE THAN A GAS CHAMBER!"

The crowd was watching the horse going crazy as the two were suffering inside.

"_I'M SORRY_!" Chris said.

"_I'M GONNA KILL YOU FOR THAT_!" Dylan replied.

"Thank God, I didn't take part in _that_ play" Axel commented, as he was nonchalantly cleaning his shotgun.

After the play; Dylan and Chris ended up having to air out the horse costume as punishment.

"I'm sorry about what happened, Tracy" Lois apologizes.

"It's okay, fortunately, that didn't ruin the rest of the play" Tracy said.

"You were both fantastic, my children" Helena praised.

"It was Amy's idea to give me the leading role" Eddie said "I never thought I was good in acting"

Suddenly Mayor West appeared.

"Excuse me, young man" Mayor West said "Are you Edward Walker?"

"Yes, I am" Eddie answered.

"Maybe you don't know me: I'm Mayor West" Mayor West greeted "I'm impressed by the play you directed"

"Thanks, I had to watch several Hamlet adaptations" Eddie said "Even that episode of the _Transformers_ animated series"

**Cutaway**

There's a Transformer designed like Hamlet.

"To be, or not to be...EXTERMINATED!" Hamlet-bot exclaimed shooting at several Deceptions.

"I shouldn't have kill his father..." Megatron said.

**Cutaway's end**

"But the reason I am here is that I need your help to direct a parade" Mayor West explained.

"A-a parade?" Eddie asked confused "What kind of parade?"

"To honor a national hero" Mayor West answered "I can't go into further details. But I'll tell you more in my office"

"It'll be an honor, Mayor West" Eddie commented "I-I won't let you down"

"I'm sure you won't" Mayor West said leaving.

"This is awesome!" Eddie cheered.

"But Eddie, this isn't a play" Meg (who played Ophelia) said "Aren't you nervous?"

"Nervous? Come on, directing a play was easy" Eddie said "A parade will be piece of cake"

Then Peter appeared with a bouquet of flowers...but this time he was high.

"Sweetie...I bought you flowers..." Peter said totally stoned.

"PETER!" Lois scolded, outraged "What did I tell you?!"

"I didn't drink, Axel let me smoke some marijuana that some douche payed him with..." Peter said "Hey...I see Irish leprechauns over your head..."

Over Lois's head, there's two Irish leprechauns (a ginger one and a brunette one) dancing Ireland-style, until a cauldron full of gold magically appeared and the leprechauns fought for it.

Next day, Eddie along with Meg were at city hall.

"Thanks for coming with me, Meg" Eddie said "A guy always needs his girlfriend's support"

"Anything for you, my love" Meg said giving him a kiss.

Eddie knocked Mayor's office door.

_Come on in!_

They came in just to find Mayor West with...Joe Swanson...AND KEVIN!

"KEVIN?!" Meg asked VERY surprised.

"Long time, no see" Kevin greeted.

"But...I thought he was killed in Iraq" Meg said.

"Actually, he was MIA: 'Missing In Action'" Mayor West corrected "He was captured by terrorists when he and his team were looking for the most dangerous man of the world: Osama Bin Laden"

"Bin Laden? The one responsible for 9/11?" Eddie asked really surprised.

"Two years ago the bastard was found dead, but nobody knew who killed him" Mayor West explained "But then we found this young man and he told us everything"

"My son is a hero...I'm the proudest father in the world" Joe said wiping off his tears.

"No, I was just following orders" Kevin said in a very serious tone.

"What a modest hero" Mayor West commented friendly slapping his shoulder "And in two weeks we'll celebrate his return where we'll invite the President of the United States, so he can personally give him the medal of honor"

"Wow, even the president? Okay, I'm nervous now" Eddie said, thinking he's going to have a heart attack.

"To make your work easier, here's my idea for the parade's theme" Joe said giving him a piece of paper.

Eddie took the paper and read it.

"Are you sure you want this?" Eddie asked.

"Absolutely" Joe answered "I want my son to feel like a true American hero, right son?!"

"Dad, I..." Kevin said very doubtful.

"I knew you would accept it" Joe said "Come on, let's go home, before your mother goes nuts and become worse than the Afghans. ***laughing*** Get it?"

"If you say so..." Kevin answered.

Joe and Kevin left the office, but Meg was concerned by Kevin's mood.

"Eddie, I think something is wrong with Kevin" Meg said.

"He must have the PTSD, but I know he'll feel better once we give him the official welcome" Eddie said "Here's the parade's theme"

Eddie gave Meg the piece of paper, so she can read it.

"Oh my god, I LOVE IT!" Meg cheered "This is more exciting than our trip in Japan"

**Cutaway**

Several photos of Meg and Eddie in Japan are shown: they went to festivals, they ate sushi (and they got diarrhea) and they used giant robots to fight Godzilla.

**Cutaway's end**

In the Swanson's house; after dinner, Bonnie took Kevin to his room.

"Here's your room, just as you left it, honey" Bonnie said.

"Wow, you guys didn't change it at all" Kevin replied.

"When we thought you were dead, I wanted to keep it the way you left it" Bonnie said "I wouldn't let your father turn it into a weapons storage room."

"***chuckles*** after all these years, he's still a manchild" Kevin asked.

"You have no idea how happy I am to see you alive" Bonnie said "And now you became a national hero"

"Mom...do you really love me?" Kevin asked.

"Of course, I do, like any mother would love her son" Bonnie answered.

"Would you still love me, even if I'd commit the most horrible crime?" Kevin asked.

"...Over my dead body if your father tries to arrest you" Bonnie answered "I gotta go, your baby sister needs to sleep and so you do"

"Good night, mother" Kevin said.

"Good night, honey" Bonnie replied kissing him in the cheek.

After Bonnie left him alone; Kevin looked around his room and he found a picture of him with his family: when he was younger and when his mother was still pregnant. Kevin's face was just showing nostalgia...suddenly the scene changed with Axel showing the same face, but looking at Mayor West's Supremacy Phoenixes ID (from 'ROB-B'), posted on a board in his room with the file his friend Royce gave to him before he was shot. Brian entered the room to see him.

"Are you okay, Axel?" Brian asked.

"Sorta, I can't stop thinking about the Supremacy Phoenix" Axel answered.

"Axel, you should forget about them" Brian said.

"I'm trying, but since I learned what they did, I can't sleep and when I do, I do have nightmares (_Iron Man 3_ reference from the trailer)" Axel replied "For many years I've been fighting to survive...but now I'm facing a bigger threat than Bin Laden"

"Speaking of Bin Laden, do you know they found the soldier who killed him?" Brian asked.

"Really?" Axel asked "Who is it?"

"Officer Joe Swanson's son: Kevin" Brian answered "They're gonna make a parade in his honor"

"Sounds interesting, I always liked parades" Axel said "When I was a little kid, every July 4th I used to watch the parades and fireworks with my parents"

"Yeah, 'America Rules' and all this patriotic crap" Brian said as Axel glared at him "But if you like them, we can go all together"

"Okay" Axel said.

"Eddie and Meg will be glad to see all their friends seeing their work in progress" Brian said.

"Wait...don't tell me they...?" Axel asked.

One week later

Eddie and Meg invited the others (including Kevin and Joe) to see the decorations, the floats, costumes, etc.

"Goddamn it!" Axel cursed.

"You're gonna love the work we've been doing" Eddie said.

"I highly doubt that" Axel replied

"Well, Mr. 'Nothing-Impresses-Me', prepare for it. Because everybody is gonna love it" Meg said.

Eddie opened the giant doors of the warehouse and revealed so many decorations of...MY LITTLE PONY! Balloons, costumes, even a giant animatronic Pinkie Pie. Everybody (but Axel and Matthew, who were horrified), except Meg and Eddie were astonished.

"Awesome, isn't it?" Eddie asked

"**EDWARD 'WHATEVER' WALKER! YOUR OBSESSION HAS NO LIMITS**!" Axel exclaimed on his OWN dragon form (it looks like Bahamut from Final Fantasy).

"Just to be clear: it WASN'T my idea, nor Meg's" Eddie said.

"It was mine" Joe said.

"But...why did you choose something that only little girls like?" Kevin asked.

"Because ponies are for MEN!" Joe exclaimed.

"You were't here when the show became so popular" Eddie said.

"This is worse than when my sister tried to cheer me up." Matthew replied.

**Flashback**

Matthew was sitting in the couch of his house, he looked upset.

"What's wrong, Mattie?" Jaina asked.

"I asked Diana Miller for a date and she rejected me" Matthew asked.

"Oh...poor little brother" Jaina said hugging him "Would you like to touch my boobs?"

"WHAT?! We're brother and sister!" Matthew said.

"What? Every time I'm upset, I like touching my boobs" Jaina commented bouncing her breasts "That's why I never wear a bra"

**Flashback's end**

"Amy, this is the dress you're gonna wear for the parade" Meg said.

She gives the dress to her.

"Oh my gosh! It's the one that Pinkie Pie wore in the Grand Galloping Galla!" Amy exclaimed "Season One, episode 26"

"Me and Meg are gonna be dressed like Shining Armor and Princess Cadence..." Eddie said.

"Let me guess: you're the princess" Axel said laughing.

"Very funny, Axel" Eddie commented annoyed "Anyway, we'll be here at the top of a fake castle saluting the crowd along with the other five: Katie as Applejack, Jillian as Fluttershy, Jaina as Rarity, Sophie as Rainbow Dash and Stephanie Griffith as Twilight Sparkle" Eddie explained.

"Who's Stephanie Griffith?" Chris asked.

"A friend I met in Kindergarten" Sophie answered "Come out, Stephs!"

But it was actually Stewie...in drag. He was wearing a black wig with a pink ribbon, a pink dress over a white shirt, lacy white socks and pink shoes (yeah, he's basically dressed as Isabella from _Phineas and Ferb_).

"***high-pitched voice*** Hello, girlfriends!" (Stewie) greeted acting very girly.

"Hi, Stephs" Sophie "Are you excited to play Twilight Sparkle for the parade?"

"***normal voice*** WHAT?! I wanted to be Rarity...! Oh, I mean...*high pitched voice* Of course, I'm excited!" Stephanie (Stewie) said.

"It's me or Stephanie looks familiar?" Meg asked.

"And finally the stuntman is gonna control the animatronic Pinkie Pie and sing" Eddie explained "His voice will sound like Pinkie Pie through the microphone"

"Okay, I have enough of this pony crap!" Axel said "I'm gonna make my own float for the parade and it's gonna be badass!"

"Let me help you, I hate ponies too" Matthew said.

"Okay, I'm gonna call Peter, Brian, Dylan, Zack, Cody and ROB-B for help" Axel said "We're gonna be...THE DRAGON MASTERS!"

"Oh, can I come with you?" Chris asked "I always wanted to be in a group with a badass name"

"Cool, leave these pony-lovers and join the cool side" Axel said "So long, suckers!"

"Yeah, so long!" Chris repeated it as the three leave.

"Do you like it, son?" Joe asked.

"I don't know...why do guys like these girly things?" Kevin asked.

"The answer is simple" Lauren Faust said appearing from nowhere "Hi, I'm Lauren Faust, creator of the show. They hired me as Creative Consultant. Anyway, my writers like to add cultural references: _Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Disney_ films, anything guys love"

"I don't like any of these" Kevin said.

"Well, you'll change your mind once you watch the parade" Joe said.

"It's gonna be huge! Like Amanda Seyfried's eyes" Amy said.

**Flashback**

A couple was having dinner, but the man was feeling uncomfortable.

"What's wrong, honey?" the woman asked.

"Amanda Seyfried is looking at me very weird" the man answered.

It showed Amanda Seyfried with enormous eyes.

"I can't help it" Amanda Seyfried said "By the way: you need to zip your pants up, I can see your tiny bulge"

**(A/E: Think whatever you want, I think her eyes are huge)**

**Flashback's end**

Meanwhile; Axel and Matthew recruited Peter, Brian, Dylan, Zack, Cody and ROB-B to build their own float.

"Listen up, we can't let those pony douchbags give our national hero an embarrasing welcome" Axel explained "So, you guys are gonna help us make the most badass float that this city ever seen or my name isn't Axel Kludd Everett"

"Your middle name is Kludd?" Dylan asked "Like Soren's brother from _Legend of the Guardians_?"

"Wait, the books didn't even exist until 2003" Matthew said "Anyway, I like Kludd, because he reminds me of Anakin Skywalker"

"Come on, Kludd sucks compared to Soren." Peter said unimpressed..

But then Axel pointed at Peter with his Desert Eagle.

"Say that again..." Axel told in a threatening tone.

"Kludd is superior over all the other owls, all HAIL THE PURE ONES, ALL HAIL THE FREAKING PURE ONES! ***crying***" Peter said.

"Good, shall we begin?" Axel asked.

"You can count on me, pal" Matthew answered with an arm on Axel's shoulder like male buddies.

"Don't touch me, Meg's childhood friend" Axel said getting his arm off him.

"Come on, what's wrong with her?!" Matthew asked.

"She's the most unattractive girl I have ever met" Axel answered "I mean, Brian told me how dangerous Meg could be when somebody breaks her heart. Like Theodora in _Oz, the Great and Powerful_"

**(A/E: Yes, I watched the movie few days ago and Mila Kunis KICKED ASS!)**

"Hey, she's with Eddie and he's crazy for her" Matthew said "I guess they make a perfect couple"

"You wanna hear a funny story about Meg and Matthew?" Peter asked "When Meg and Matthew were kids, he saw her naked!"

"...what?" Axel asked disturbed.

"We were 6 and it was an accident" Matthew answered "She was dressing up in her princess costume for Halloween..."

"Get away from me, man" Axel told "Anyway, let's not waste time"

"Let's do this!" Zack said.

"Murdock Power!" Cody cheered.

"ROB-B!" ROB-B cheered.

The guys got ready: they grabbed the tools, they drank RedBull and they started working on the float and costumes, although Cody was playing NES on ROB-B's installed video game system (which Zack had to turn off) and Peter drank a lot of beer and used the cans to make a castle, much to the others' dismay. They were working with the song 'Shoot to Thrill' by AC/DC.

_All you women who want a man of the street_

_But you don't know which way you wanna turn_

_Just keep a coming and put your hand out to me_

_'Cause I'm the one who's gonna make you burn_

_I'm gonna take you down - down, down, down_

_So don't you fool around_

_I'm gonna pull it, pull it, pull the trigger_

_Shoot to thrill, play to kill_

_Too many women with too many pills_

_Shoot to thrill, play to kill_

_I got my gun at the ready, gonna fire at will_

_Yeah_

_Shoot to thrill..._

_Play to kill..._

The guys finished their project and saw the fruit of their labor.

"Wow...it was a lot of work..." Zack said.

"But we finally did it" Matthew added.

"Gentlemen, this baby is gonna kick ass" Axel said.

"I've never been so proud of something I did since I took the biggest poop" Peter said.

**Flashback**

Peter was in the bathroom with the toilet opened.

"Lois, come on here!" Peter called.

"What is it, Peter?" Lois asked.

"Look at inside of the toilet" Peter said as Lois took a look and got appalled.

"OH MY GOD, PETER, THAT'S THE MOST DISGUSTING THING I EVER SAW!" Lois scolded extremely angry.

"I know, right?" Peter asked "This could be a World Record!"

"FLUSH IT DOWN, RIGHT NOW!" Lois demanded.

"Geez, I never understood why women are disgusted by everything" Peter commented.

**Flashback's end**

The two weeks passed and the parade was about to begin. Meg and Eddie (both dressed as Princess Cadence and Shining Armor) were getting ready along with the other girls to play the Mane Six (just to be clear: they're only wearing the outfits that the show's characters wore).

"Okay, every pony, ***chuckling*** got it?" Eddie asked "We're about to begin. Only we have to wait for the stuntman, who's operating the giant Pinkie Pie"

"Bro, I have good news and bad news!" Amy said.

"What do you mean?" Eddie asked.

"The bad news are that the stuntman broke his leg and he can't operate the giant Pinkie Pie" Amy said.

"What? Oh no!" Eddie commented.

"What's the good news?" Meg asked.

"I got a replacement" Amy answered.

"Really? Phew, you really scared me" Eddie said "Don't do that again, sis'"

"I'm going to talk to him" Amy said.

Amy goes inside of the giant Pinkie Pie to see the stuntman. Who happens to be...FRANK! He's wearing a Motion Capture suit with plastic balls (you know: those suits that actors wear to play CGI characters in movies. For example: Andy Serkis)

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Frank asked.

"1,000% sure" Amy answered "Don't worry about singing; Eddie said this microphone changes your manly voice to a girly voice like the character"

"I'd wish he wasn't holding any grudge against me, so he'd be grateful to me for helping him" Frank said.

"Trust me, at the end: you and Eddie will fix your relationship" Amy said with a thumbs up "Just keep a positive attitude!"

"By the way: you look adorable in that dress" Frank said.

"Thanks, Daddy, WISH ME LUCK!" Amy exclaimed going back with the others.

A couple of hours later; the parade has just begun. There were a lot of floats, marching bands, balloons and tons of confetti. Everything in red, white and blue...yeah, very American.

**(A/E: *muttering* gringos...)**

Kevin and his family were on a podium waiting for the president while they're watching the parade.

"You're having fun, son?" Joe asked.

"***fake cheering*** Yeah...this is fun" Kevin answered.

"Hello, I'm Tom Tucker" Tom greeted.

"And I'm Joyce Kinney" Joyce greeted.

"And today it's the parade to give the official welcome to our national hero: Kevin Swanson, better known as Osama Bin Laden's killer" Tom explained "Ollie Williams has something to say, Ollie?"

"THIS IS BIG!" Ollie shouted.

"Thanks, Ollie" Tom thanked.

"Just take a look at these floats" Joyce said "We got the Statue of Liberty, a giant turkey, though it's not Thanksgiving, even a representation of a classic episode of _Star Trek_"

The float was a fake wasteland where Neil Goldman is dressed as Captain Kirk and he's fighting the Lizard Man.

"_OW_!"

"Dad, the Lizard Man doesn't feel any pain" Neil said as the Lizard Man took off his mask, revealing Mort.

"I'm sorry, son" Mort said "But this costume makes me sweat like hell, though we don't believe in hell"

"Why I didn't recreate the episode 44: The Trouble With Tribbles?" Neil asked "Everybody likes furry animals"

"And here comes what bronies are waiting for: their favorite characters in flesh and blood!" Joyce said "At least just the actors wearing the characters' dresses"

The My Little Pony float with everybody saluting: Katie, Jillian, Jaina, Sophie and 'Stephanie' are on the fake meadow with flowers and tulips. Meg and Eddie were at the top of a castle behind of the giant Pinkie Pie. The Bronies were pissing their panties (HAHA!) of excitement, even one of them drank 7 sodas of different flavors to burp a rainbow.

"Oh my god, for first time ever, I'm feeling like a real Prin..." Meg said until she took a look among the crowd...the female white chicken from chapter 9. Apparently she was looking for a rematch.

"What's the matter, Meg?" Eddie asked.

"Nothing, keep saluting" Meg answered "Oh, if you see a big white chicken coming at us, let me know"

"It's curious that there's more male fans than females, right Tom?" Joyce asked as she found Tom playing with two pony figures **(A/E: Lyra Heartstrings and Bon Bon...DAMN IT!)**

"***singing*** _My Little Pony, My Little_...oh crap!" Tom cursed hiding his figures "Yeah, I can't even imagine that"

"Wait, look behind of it" Joyce said "It seems like...a three-headed dragon?"

Everybody got amazed by the next float coming...it was a giant animatronic BLUE-EYES ULTIMATE DRAGON! Over the dragon there's Axel dressed as Black Luster Soldier.

"Behold: I am the Dragon Knight Master!" Axel said "Respect my authority!"

Inside of the dragon we found the guys controlling the robot.

"Hell yeah, this is gonna show them that ponies are for little girls and ONLY for little girls!" Matthew exclaimed "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Wow, the show brings out the worst in people..." Cody commented.

In the Pony float, Eddie pressed a button on a bracelet he's wearing. Then inside of the giant Pinkie Pie, a red light turns on.

"This must be the sign...wait, what am I supposed to do?" Frank asked as he pressed his ear communicator "Amy, tell me again what I'm supposed to do"

_Dad, in the screen, there will be lyrics. You can do it!_

"Sweetie, wait...***phone off***, damn it!" Frank cursed.

"Wow, looks like there's music" Joyce said "You know what that means!"

_**SING! SING! SING! SING! SING!**_

After hearing the crowd's chanting, Frank got the determination to sing.

_Roll up the hoof like a pony does_

_While the plants are growing and the flowers glow_

_Roll up the hoof like a pony does_

_And step up your cool just like Rainbow Dash_

_Clap your fingers hooves and stomp them too!_

_Soakin' up a little of the pony beat_

_Roll up the hoof like a pony does_

_And sing this song with me_

_Roll back the hoof_

_(Roll back the hoof!)_

_That's not a spoof_

_(That's not a spoof!)_

_Roll back the hoof Like a pony does_

_And sing this song with me_

"Wow, whoever the guy Amy found as a replacement, he sings great!" Meg said.

"I don't know why Amy refused to tell me his name, but it doesn't matter anymore, I guess" Eddie said.

"GAH! My ears are bleeding!" Matthew screamed of pain covering his bleeding ears "This is worse than Rebecca Black and Miley Cyrus!"

"Wow, THAT is bad" Chris said.

"He must be in Hell..." Cody replied.

_Turn back around maybe you can see_

_Why there's ponies from everywhere_

_So much to learn and so much to do_

_And a million wonderful things plus two!_

_Roll back the hoof_

_(Roll back the hoof!)_

_That's not a spoof_

_(That's not a spoof!)_

_Roll back the hoof like a pony does_

_And sing this song with me_

"People are really enjoying it" Eddie commented "Looks like nothing could go wrong"

But the female chicken used the stairs of the highest building she could find, while the giant Pinkie Pie released fireworks from its ears.

_Roll back the hoof_

_(Roll back the hoof!)_

_That's not a spoof_

_(That's not a spoof!)_

_Roll back the hoof like a pony does_

_And sing this song with me_

Everybody (especially Bronies) cheered after the song.

"Okay, I had enough of this" Axel said as he pressed his ear communicator "Guys, release the fireworks!"

But the guys were attending to Matthew for his ears were bleeding.

"Ah...I think we have a problem, Axel" Zack said "Matthew doesn't look so good"

"Well, somebody has to do it!" Axel said.

"I'll do it!" Peter said pulling a lever that release the fireworks...but he broke it" Uh-oh..."

The dragon got out of control launching hundreds of rockets and randomly destroying so many floats of the parade, while Axel struggled to hold onto his dragon's head.

"SON. OF. A. BITCH. MAKE. THIS. THING. STOP!" Axel screamed with each flail of the dragon's head and trying to shut it down.

Luckily, none of the rockets hit the giant Pinkie Pie.

"Phew, that was close" Eddie said.

"For a second there, I thought something would go-" Meg said until she was interrupted by the female chicken with a surprise attack. They both landed on the fake meadow with the others "You again?!"

The female chicken responded by punching her in the face, she counters with a kick in the stomach. They both started another heated fight. The female chicken even used Stephanie (Stewie) as human shield.

"Oh my god, I'm sorry, Stephs!" Meg apologizes.

"Damn you, ugly cow..." Stewie said sore.

The female chicken threw her (him) away and continued the fight. Amy pressed her ear communicator

"Daddy, please get out of here" Amy said "But don't let Eddie see you"

Okay, sweetie

"Looks like this parade has become a...death race" Tom said.

"Does that even exists?" Joyce asked.

"I'm out of puns, you have a better idea?" Tom asked.

The fight continues; Meg kicks her so hard that she crashed against the giant Pinkie Pie's leg, making the animatronic lose its balance. Chris came out from the dragon and watches the giant Pinkie Pie about to collapse and Amy in front of it.

"Oh no!" Chris screamed going to the float.

The rest of the girls got off the float, but Amy trip on her dress and the giant Pinkie Pie was about to crush her, but Chris pick her up and they both got out of the way. Only the female chicken got crushed by the giant Pinkie Pie.

"Are you okay, Amy?" Chris asked.

Amy just looked at Chris and she imagined a heavenly glow behind him with a lot of hearts around his face.

"Yeah...I'm okay" Amy answered.

"It's ruined! My beautiful castle is ruined!" Meg screamed falling on her knees and she crying.

"YEAH! SUCK ON THAT!" Axel taunted, while hanging off the side of the now silent dragon's head.

"Yeah, suck on...!" Peter said until he was interrupted by Matthew.

"Peter, I don't think this is a good time" Zack said.

"Kevin, I'm sorry for all of this" Joe said.

"That's okay" Kevin replied "*mentally* Excellent, that means I won't receive the medal of..."

Then the presidential helicopter appeared and landed. So many bodyguards came out, following the First Lady: Michelle Obama.

"Hello, everyone; sorry my husband couldn't come" Michelle greeted until she saw the wrecked parade "What happened here?"

"The parade was destroyed, nothing to see, Mrs. First Lady" Kevin answered.

"Oh, the parade doesn't matter" Michelle said "I only wanted to meet the man who killed the biggest threat of our country"

"Really?" Kevin asked "*mentally* DAMN IT!"

"Oh, Mrs. First Lady" Joe said "I swear I voted for your husband"

"But you voted for..." Bonnie corrected.

"SHUT UP, WOMAN!" Joe shouted "I KNOW I MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE!"

"Calm down, we don't mind if you didn't vote for my husband and you can call me Michelle" Michelle said as a man in black carried a red box "Anyway, It will be a honor to give you this" she opened box to reveal the medal of honor and she gave it to Kevin "Congratulations"

***everybody cheers***

"What did she say about the parade...?" Eddie asked somewhat shocked.

"Thanks, Mrs. Michelle Obama...but...I can't accept it" Kevin said giving her back.

***everybody gasped***

"Everyone, I must confess something..." Kevin said going to the microphone "I can't accept the medal, because...I didn't kill Bin Laden"

***everybody gasped even more***

"The true killer asked me to take the credit, in order for us to desert together" Kevin added "Away from this horrible war. But the killer asked me to go back and be welcomed as a hero. But I don't wanna be an American hero. And why? Because America is WRONG! Everything bad that is happening to this world is because of us! Maybe you guys are gonna hate me for this...but what we were doing to Iraq population is 200 times WORSE than 9/11!"

***everybody started angrily booing at him***

"Communist!" a random guy shouted.

"Nazi!" another random guy shouted.

"You're a Phoney!" the Phoney guy said "A big fat Phoney!"

"Kevin..." Bonnie said speechless.

Joe handcuffed Kevin.

"Dad, what are you doing?" Kevin said.

"You're under arrest...Kevin" Joe replied in a very disappointed tone.

"But why?" Kevin asked annoyed "Why would you arrest me?"

"You lied to us" Joe answered.

"I was making a promise!" Kevin replied.

"You badmouthed us" Joe said.

"I was telling the truth!" Kevin replied.

"YOU BETRAYED OUR COUNTRY!" Joe shouted.

"SCREW THE COUNTRY!" Kevin shouted

***everybody gets more angry than ever***

They even started throwing garbage at him, but he didn't care at all.

"My husband would be ashamed at you" Michelle said disappointed "Agents, take him to the D.C. Supreme Court. He must tell us everything"

The agents was about to take Kevin, but Meg appeared to intervene.

"I won't let you touch him!" Meg said until he pushed her to the ground "OW!"

"Don't help me, skank!" Kevin insulted.

"Meg!" Eddie screamed going to her "What did you do that?!"

"She's nothing, but a worthless skank!" Kevin said.

"You SON OF A-!" Eddie was about to punch him, but Joe didn't let him.

"Calm down, Eddie" Joe said "He'll soon be judged and punished by the law"

"Oh yeah, defend your precious law just like you protected that poor family years ago!" Kevin said being taken away.

"A poor family?" Eddie asked "What he's talking about?"

"***stammering*** no-nothing...that was a long time ago" Joe said leaving the podium without anything more to say.

Few days later...Meg, Chris, Amy, Eddie and Axel were in the mall for smoothies. But they didn't forget the disastrous parade followed by Kevin's shocking revelation.

"Man, this sucks" Chris complained "I can't believe we cheered for a faker"

"I'm still hurt from what he called me" Meg said with some tears "Why does he hate me?"

"Don't listen to him" Eddie said hugging her "I don't know what happened out there and I don't care. But nobody has the right to treat you like crap"

"I know, it's just...before he left, we were close friends" Meg said.

"People change after going through such trauma, Meg" Axel said "I know I changed when my parents died that night"

"And Chris, thanks for saving my sister" Eddie said to Chris "I don't know how I will ever repay you."

"It's okay, bro'" Amy said, also looking at Chris "It's me that is unsure if I can repay him..."

"Do you have a million dollars?" Chris asked

Everybody laughed, but you can bet your ass that it's just matter of time that the Griffin boy and the Walker girl will be together.

**End of the...wait!**

Meanwhile in the Quahog's landfill where the broken animatronic Pinkie Pie resides. Something was coming out...it was the female chicken's wing.

**End of the chapter**

**(A/E: Like I said in 'the Hunter Games', if you didn't like this chapter. I promise this is the last time I recycle an episode to tell it at MY way. And sorry for making Kevin a bigger jerk, my 'Meg fan spirit' didn't like the way he treated her in that episode. Again, I don't hate the episode, I think it's a decent one considering a holiday special. Anyway, until the next chapter! :))**


	21. The Princess and the Fat

**Chapter 21: The Princess and the Fat**

**(A/E: This chapter has a lot of songs that parodies Disney's songs. Enjoy it!)**

There's a book with the word 'Fairytale' on it.

_Once upon of time...oh, you know what? Screw this! You guys already know this is gonna be a parody of a fairytale or any Disney crap, let's get this over with!_

It's a beautiful morning in the Walkers' luxury apartment, where Amy was sleeping until her alarm clock rang and she beautifully woke up. She got up out of bed and opened the window.

"Good morning world!" Amy greeted with a big smile "***singing*** _La-la-la-la-la_"

***birds chirping the same sound***

"Time to get ready for school!" Amy said.

Music starts playing while Amy starts her morning routine: she takes off her PJs to take a shower, then she gets dressed, then she does down to have breakfast with Eddie and Helena and finally she leaves.

**(A/E: The first parody song is based on 'When My Life Will Begin' from _Tangled_)**

_7 AM, the usual morning lineup:_

_Undress, take a shower and get dress for school_

_Go to have breakfast with my mother and brother_

_Take my bag, and by then it's like 7:15._

She and Eddie take the school bus and sat down along with Chris, Meg, Matt and Dylan.

_And so I take the bus_

_And I sit with my bro_

_Our friends sit with us too_

_And we have a little chat_

_But I keep thinking_

_Just wonder what if my dad is with me?_

They got in school and took the classes. They only watch the clock ticked away until it is lunchtime. In the cafeteria they served some kind of moving green meat as if it was alive. But that didn't stop them from chatting and talking. She brushes her very long blonde hair occasionally.

_We get to school and take the boring classes_

_The hours go on and on until it's lunch time_

_We got the lunch, I wonder what's wrong with this meat_

_Then we chat, and we laugh_

_Nothing else!_

_And this is how my day_

_Starts since 7 AM_

_I have a lot of fun_

_With my dear bro and friends_

_I also brush my hair_

_Just as my dad likes it_

_And I can't stop thinking about him._

She started jumping and dancing around the gymnasium until she lies down.

_And I'm keep wonderin' and wonderin'_

_And wonderin' and wonderin'_

_What if my dad is with me?_

She took out a photo of her and her Dad together when she was a little girl.

_He just wants to be with me_

_My mother and my brother too_

_He wants to be with us..._

_Will my brother ever..._

_Accept him..._

_In our lives...?_

Chris found Amy, which made her blush.

"Amy?" Chris asked.

"CHRIS!" Amy exclaimed standing up "What's up?"

"I heard you singing and...um...so uh...you wanna uh...I don't know. Um..." Chris said.

"Wanna what?" Amy asked.

"I don't know " Chris answered somewhat nervous "Just uh... I don't know. We could uh...or we could do something else. Or we could, if you don't like...we could..."

"What? Yeah!" Amy said.

"Really?" Chris asked.

"Sure" Amy answered.

"Okay" Chris replied "Good. Sounds good"

"Cool" Amy commented.

"Okay, alright" Chris said "So...see you later?"

"See you later" Amy answered.

Chris watched Amy as she walked away and she turned and smiled at him. Chris returned the smile and he left too. They never realized they've been watched by Meg.

"Oh...my...god!" Meg said smiling of excitement.

Unfortunately, Connie and her bitching friends were watching too.

"Guys...I got the greatest idea of all time" Connie said with an evil smile.

One the night; Meg invited Eddie to her house...

***Eddie's and Meg's pleasure groans***

_Ah...Meg...oh...yes, OH GOD!_

_Oh...Eddie...AAAAHH!_

We found their clothes on the floor and themselves in Meg's bed after sex.

"Wow...I'll never get tired of it..." Eddie said.

"Me neither..." Meg said "Next time, let's do it in my parents' room"

"We've been dating for over 6 months, I bet school will award us as 'Couple of Year'" Eddie said.

"Don't get your hopes up too much, maybe we could be beaten by another couple" Meg replied until she realized what she said.

"What do you mean 'another couple'?" Eddie asked.

"***nervous*** Ah...nothing" Meg answered.

"You're hiding something from me, aren't you?" Eddie asked suspicious.

"Would you like to smell my underwear?" Meg asked trying to forget it.

"Tell me now" Eddie demanded.

"Okay, I think our siblings are in LOVE!" Meg said quickly.

"What?"

"I saw Chris speaking with Amy and they were babbling" Meg answered "As if they have feelings for each other"

"Wait, MY younger sister is in love with YOUR younger brother?" Eddie asked.

"Please don't hate him, or me, especially ME!" Meg begged with her eyes shut.

"Hate you? This is AWESOME!" Eddie said excited.

"Wait...you are okay with that?" Meg asked confused.

"Okay?! Since we became a couple, I had high hopes that Chris could become Amy's boyfriend" Eddie answered "I knew he was in love with her, but I never thought she would be in love with him"

"Maybe it started when Chris saved her life in the parade" Meg said "She never took her eyes of him ever since"

"So that means they'll soon start dating" Eddie said.

"There's only one problem: they're too shy to express their feelings" Meg replied "I've just heard them babbling in a very annoying way, but for some reason, they understood each other"

"Then let's help them" Eddie said "You help your brother and I'll help my sister"

"You're a very generous guy..." Meg praised "...another round?

"Sure!" Eddie answered.

They started making out and they covered themselves with the blankets.

The next day, Chris was taking his book from out of his locker, until Neil and a bunch of nerds appeared.

"Hey, Chris!" Neil greeted "I heard you like a certain pretty girl"

"Uh...I don't know what you're talking about" Chris said.

"Then how do you explain Eddie's comment on Facebook?" Neil asked.

**Flashback**

On Facebook, Eddie commented: **OMG! My lovely girlfriend's BROTHER is in LOVE with my cutie SISTER!**

**P.S. Don't watch Die Hard 5, trust me, it's just Bruce Willis being a dick.**

Neil Goldman replied: **Agreed.**

**Flashback's end**

"Okay, yes, I like Amy...but I'm too stupid to tell her my feelings" Chris said.

"Come on, I did the same to Meg a MILLION times" Neil said.

"But she rejected you" Chris said.

"That's not the point, the point is Amy is perfect for you" Neil replied.

"I don't understand" Chris said.

"Maybe a song will help you" Neil said "Play it, Randy!"

Randy Newman suddenly appeared playing a piano.

**(A/E: 'You've Got a Friend on Me' from _Toy Story_)**

_Randy:_

_You've got a girl for you_

_You've got a girl for you_

Neil magically change the scenario (the musicals' power) into one where they're driving a red convertible on a road where in a hotel from nowhere; there's Amy (wearing a sexy white nightie) waiting in the bed.

_Randy:_

_When the road looks rough ahead_

_you must drive miles and miles_

_to your nice warm bed_

_where you're girlfriend is waiting for you_

_Boy, you've got a girl for you_

_Yeah, you've got a girl for you_

Then Neil showed a comparison between Amy, Jillian (pointing at her head), Connie (pointing at her boobs) and Meg (pointing at her butt)

_Randy:_

_Some other girls might be_

_A little bit stupider than she is_

_with bigger boobs and butt_

_M. Bison (from the Street Fighter movie):_

_Of course!_

One of the nerds dressed as Amy gave Chris a hug while the others spread flowers everywhere.

_Randy:_

_But none of them will ever love you_

_the way she does_

_It's you and her_

Randy continued playing the piano.

Randy:

And as the years go by

your relationship will never die

_Nerds:_

_You're gonna see_

_It's your destiny_

_Randy:_

_You've got a girl for you_

_You've got a girl for you_

_You've got a girl for you_

"So never give up on her, pal" Neil said.

"You're right, I'm gonna win her over!" Chris said with determination and leaving.

"Ah...Neil, how will helping Chris help us getting laid?" a nerd asked.

"I'll explain it all in due time, my friend" Neil answered with an evil smile "ALL in due time..."

"Uh...where's my money?" Randy asked as Neil reluctantly paid him.

Meanwhile in girls' bathroom; Amy was putting on lipstick until Connie and her bitching friends appeared behind.

"Hello, Amy" Connie greeted.

"Oh, hi Connie!" Amy returned the greeting; apparently she doesn't know she's a bitch.

"Listen, we don't mean to be nosy, but we heard you like a certain fat boy" Connie said.

"Well...I have a little cousin who's the cutest boy I've ever met" Amy said.

"No, no, no, we mean Meg's brother" Connie said.

"Oh, him? Nah, he's just..."

"A friend?" Connie asked interrupting her "Every girl says that, that's not good. If you like him so much, you must make him ask you out on a date"

"How?" Amy asked.

"Well..." Connie said as another song starts playing.

**(A/E: 'I Want it All' from _High School Musical 3_)**

_Connie:_

_Imagine having everything you've ever dreamed. Don't you want it?_

_Amy:_

_Maybe_

_Connie:_

_Can't you see it?_

_Amy:_

_Kind of_

_Connie:_

_Imagine first audition after college you get the lead!_

_Amy:_

_Are you sure?_

_Connie:_

_Well of course!_

_Amy:_

_Yeah right_

_Connie:_

_You gotta believe it!_

_Amy:_

_Keep talking_

_Connie:_

_You and him, all the fame_

_Amy:_

_Amy and what's-his-name (just kidding)_

_Connie:_

_Sound exciting?_

_Amy:_

_Inviting_

_Connie:_

_Let's do it then!_

_Amy:_

_Listening!_

_Connie:_

_Personal stylist, agent and a publicist_

_Amy:_

_But where does Chris fit into this?_

_Connie:_

_With him you can win!_

_Amy:_

_Win the part_

_Connie:_

_Think bigger!_

_Amy:_

_Become superstars_

_Connie:_

_That's better_

_Connie:_

_Don't you see that_

_Bigger is better_

_And better is bigger_

_A little bit is never enough_

_Girls:_

_No no no no!_

_Connie:_

_Don't you want it all?_

So many girls came out from the toilet booths and started singing and dancing.

_Girls:_

_You want it, you know that you want it_

_The fame and the fortune and more!_

_You want it all!_

_You want it, you know that you want it_

_You gotta be the star of the cast_

_Connie:_

_You want the world, nothing less_

_All the glam and the press_

_Only givin' you the best_

_To use (sing it!)_

_Amy and girls:_

_I want it all!_

_I want it, I want it, (yeah) want it_

_My name in lights at Carnegie Hall_

_I want it all!_

_Connie:_

_Can't you see it?_

_Amy:_

_Yeah!_

_Connie:_

_They're gonna love me._

_Amy:_

_What?_

_Connie:_

_I mean, you and Chris._

Then they imagined themselves on the red carpet at the Oscars' ceremony. Crowd applauding, paparazzi taking photos and crazy fans.

_Connie:_

_Red carpet, rose bouquets, crowd waiting backstage_

_Amy:_

_I'm with her, don't stop me, I'm not the paparazzi_

_Connie:_

_Invitations, standing ovations_

_Amy:_

_Magazines (yes please)_

_Connie:_

_Gotta be celebrities!_

Even there's a desperate-fan Eddie wearing a white shirt with Connie's face on it trying to get Connie's attention, but a security guard took him out of there.

_Connie:_

_Photographs, fan club, give the people what they love_

_Now you're excited?_

_Amy:_

_I like it_

_Connie:_

_Let's do it then!_

_Amy:_

_Yeah!_

_Connie:_

_Times Square, jet setter, sequels, hey better_

_New York today, tomorrow the world!_

_Amy:_

_Sold out shows!_

_Connie:_

_Think bigger!_

_Daniel Day-Lewis:_

_And the Oscar goes to..._

_Amy:_

_That's better!_

_Connie:_

_Don't you see that_

_Bigger is better_

_And better is bigger_

_A little bit is never enough_

_Connie and girls:_

_No no no!_

_Connie_

_You want it all!_

_You want it, damn right that you want it_

_The fame and the fortune and more!_

_You want it all!_

_You want it, you know that you want it_

_You gotta be the star of the cast_

_Connie:_

_You want the world, nothing less_

_All the glam and the press_

_Only giving you the best reviews_

_Connie and girls:_

_You want it all!_

_You want it, want it, want it_

_Radio, CD Music Hall_

_You want it all!_

Amy and Chris are dancing on the Broadway stage.

_Amy:_

_Here in the spotlight we shine_

_Look at who we are_

_Connie:_

_When Broadway knows your names_

_You know that you're both stars!_

_Connie:_

_Dance!_

All the girls silently prepared the stage for the finale while they're whisper 'you-you, you want it. You-you, you want it all', until they finished.

_Girls:_

_You WANT IT ALL!_

_You want it, damn right that want it_

_The fame and the fortune and more!_

_You want it all!_

_You want it, want it, want it_

_You gotta be the star of the cast_

_Connie:_

_You want the world, nothing less_

_All the glam and the press_

_Only givin' me the best reviews_

_Girls:_

_I want it all!_

_Connie:_

_Paris!_

_Amy:_

_London!_

_Connie:_

_Rome!_

_Amy:_

_Toronto!_

_Connie:_

_LA!_

_Amy:_

_Sydney!_

_Connie:_

_Buenos Aires!_

_Amy:_

_Tokyo!_

_Connie:_

_Moscow!_

_Amy:_

_Bollywood!_

_Connie:_

_Hollywood!_

_Everybody:_

_NEW YORK CITY!_

_Everybody:_

_You...Want...It (you want it)...All!_

"Wow, how did you guys archive such an impressive choreography?" Amy asked.

"It's the power of popularity" Connie said.

Then Amy's cellphone rang (it's the song 'Fireworks' by Katy Perry)

"Hello? Hi, Chris!" Amy greeted "A date? I'd love to! See you there!"

***phone off***

"You wanna be like us? Win the fat boy's heart"

"ALL RIGHT!" Amy cheered leaving the girls' bathroom.

"What a stupid brat, she has no idea of what she got into" Connie said.

Her friends evilly laugh along with their leader.

Later in the Griffin's house; Meg was helping Chris get ready for his date. He was wearing a nice formal suit and a 'good boy' hairstyle.

"I look stupid" Chris commented.

"No, you don't, you look dapper" Meg replied.

"Meg, I look like something Mom gave me when she told us our grandma died (_Ted_ reference)" Chris said.

"Both our grandmas are still alive" Meg said "Anyway, Amy is a nice girl, so she must be with a nice guy"

"That's bullcrap..." Axel said appearing from nowhere.

"Axel! How the hell did you get into my room, let alone our house?!" Meg asked.

"Your wimpy boyfriend gave me a copy of your key" Axel answered "Anyway, dressing up like Richie Rich won't win her heart"

"Really?" Chris asked.

"Look: I think she's perfect for you: she's immature, she has an annoying voice and she has extremely low standards"

"And she kicked your ass" Meg added.

"Shut up, Meg" Axel said "I'm gonna make you a real man!"

Meanwhile, in the Walker's apartment, Eddie was also helping Amy get ready for her date. She's wearing a pink sweet Lolita dress, including a pink bow, a petticoat, bloomers, knee stockings and pink dress shoes.

"What do you think, bro?" Amy asked.

"For much as I love cute things, don't you think it's a little too Anime-ish?'" Eddie asked.

"Well, boys like Anime girls, isn't it?" Amy asked.

"If you mean nerds, you got that right" Jaina answered appearing from nowhere.

"Jaina?! How did you find my apartment?" Eddie asked.

"Your mother told me where she lives, we hanged out once" Jaina answered "Anyway, you won't impress Chris dressed like Helena Bonham Carter. Let me do the magic"

Meanwhile Neil and Connie started a rally group, note that both their conversation takes place at the same time. They're both wearing WW2-style military clothing.

"Okay, our little 'puppet' is now deployed" Connie said "Operation: Nerdicide is a go"

"Okay, our pal is now engaging the opposite sex in a tradition known as a date" Neil explained "Operation: Bitchacaust is now a go"

"For years, those cretins known as the unpopular, dweebs, and mainly nerds have been scurrying around, dirtying our pure society of the greatest with their existence" Connie explained showing photos of unattractive girls, people with glasses and braces and Trekkies "How did this happen? Because of THESE kind of people"

She showed photos of Gene Roddenberry, George Lucas and Stan Lee, much to everyone's horror.

"For eons, those bastards had oppressed, bullied, and mainly made us feel like crap all because we don't have their breasts, their abs, and sadly, less than adequate social lives" Neil explained showing pictures of Pamela Anderson, Taylor Lautner and Johnny Depp "But they're actually worse than HITLER!" He showed a picture of Neil with Mickey Mouse in Disneyland "Oops, sorry" he showed the photo of Adolf Hitler "Worse than HITLER!"

"But now, once Amy gets all the dirt on Chris and give us the power necessary to wipe away any impure from this world, and we will give the world the people it deserves!" Connie explained.

"Once Chris acquires the intel of our adversaries, we shall have the means to strike those populars down and put the world back in more competent hands..." Neil explained

"And we will finally get laid?" a random nerd asked.

"Exactly" Neil replied.

And Connie and Neil at the same time: AND WE POPULARS/NERDS WILL FINALLY RULE OVER ALL!

"OH HAIL POPULARS/NERDS!" cool guys and nerds exclaimed.

Meanwhile; Meg and Chris drove to the Walkers' apartment. Hidden in a tree next to the apartment, Axel was watching through binoculars, giving a smile.

"Go make me proud, you fat son of a bitch" Axel said.

"Go get her, champ" Meg said.

Chris came out...and he looked very different: his hairstyle was buzz cut, he's wearing a white shirt, black leather jacket, denim jeans and brown goes to the entrance, but the door was opened. It was Amy, who looked different too: her hairstyle was curly, she's wearing a pink tank top, diamond earrings, blue denim miniskirt and red heels. They both stared at each other for their stunning appearances.

"Wow, you look hot" Amy and Chris said at the same time.

"Should we go?" Chris asked.

"Where are we going?" Amy asked.

"I don't know...let's go downtown!" Chris answered.

"All right!" Amy agreed.

But they didn't realize that Amy's earrings were actually spy cameras, so the popular guys can spy on them from their secret base.

"Once we know the geeks' weaknesses, nothing can stop us" Connie said.

But they weren't alone. Neil and his nerdy friends were hiding

everywhere to spy on them. They even wore camouflage make-up.

"Okay...phase one of Bitchicaust is a go..." Neil said.

The date started to go downtown where they went to so many shops: first in an antique shop.

"Cool" Chris said looking at an old coin, then he turned to an old wheel "Cool!" then he 'possibly' found the Holy Grail "Junk..." he threw it away.

"Look, Chris!" Amy called wearing an Egyptian collar "This collar makes me look like Cleopatra?"

"Well...ah..." Chris said, who's wearing an ear communicator.

Tell him she looks like an Egyptian God...no, wait!

Neil suggested before realizing what he was saying.

"You look like an Egyptian God...no, wait!" Chris repeated what Neil said.

"Do you mean it? Like an Egyptian Goddess?" Amy asked "That is so sweet from you!"

"Okay, now we know Chris is dumb" Connie said.

"Wow, what a surprise..." Gina replied sarcastically.

The next shop was gardening shop.

"These plants are pretty!" Amy commented smelling lilacs "And they smell sweet"

"Yeah, I like smelling flowers" Chris said smelling at a carnivorous plant "Eek, it stinks!"

"You stink, fat boy!" the carnivorous plant (it has a black guy voice) insulted.

"AH, IT TALKED!" Chris screamed smashing it and killing it.

"Mister, you have to pay for this dead plant" the clerk said.

"Well, we also know he's easily frightened by everything" Connie said.

"This is getting boring..." Scott complained.

And the last shop was a...NINJA SHOP! Amy was holding nunchucks and used them as propellers.

"***laughing*** These things are cool!" Amy said.

"No, THIS thing is cool! Chris said holding a katana and making Ninja noises that he even cutdown a practice dummy "Oops, sorry!"

"Calm down, we got plenty!" Mikey from TMNT said "Donatello!"

"Why I'm the one who's putting up the dummies?" Donatello asked.

"And we know he's...decent with a Ninja weapon" Connie said.

"You know, Connie, we're starting to think that you have no idea what you're doing" Gina said.

"Go to the corner!" Connie ordered.

"Yes, miss..." Gina replied reluctantly going to the corner.

After a tour downtown; Chris asked Meg to drive them to Quahog lake, where they both took a row boat, even if it was already night.

"They really look cute..." Meg said until she noticed something from a pine tree and heard a sneeze "Okay, whoever you are, get down there!" but she didn't get an answer "Let's see if Amy's karate lessons work" she kicked the tree so hard that Neil fell down.

"OW!"

"NEIL!" Meg exclaimed "Were you spying on them?!"

"'Spy' is an ugly word, I prefer the term 'searching for the enemy's Kryptonite'" Neil said.

"You think Amy is the enemy?" Meg asked.

"I know she's a popular girl trying to humiliate him" Neil answered.

"Just because she looks pretty that doesn't mean she's a bitch like Connie D'Amico!" Meg said having a point "I know Amy almost a year and she's the kindest girl I've ever met"

"Well...maybe...she's...I know she's...uh...Hitler?" Neil asked.

"You know what? I won't let you ruin the date of my brother and my boyfriend's sister" Meg said.

"Dear God, you're right, Meg" Neil said with a guilty tone "Me and my friends were so angry at the mean popular guys that we became just as bad as them"

"Then leave them alone, before I kick you in your balls" Meg ordered.

"Got it! I'm gonna sing a ballad for them!" Neil going near the lake and started singing...very badly.

"Wow, somebody should find that poor animal and put it out of its misery" Chris said rowing.

Neil continues singing very badly until Meg kicked him in the balls.

"I warned you!" Meg said "And you call that a ballad? Let me show you"

Then the other nerds appeared.

"Can we help?" nerd #1 asked

"We brought instruments!" nerd #2 said revealing several instruments.

"That's exactly what I need" Meg said grabbing a branch "First, we need to create the mood"

**(A/E: 'Kiss the Girl' from _the Little Mermaid_, the only song with unchanged lyrics)**

_Meg:_

_Percussion_

_Strings_

_Winds_

_Words_

The nerds starts playing their instruments.

_Meg:_

_There you see her_

_Sitting there across the way_

_She doesn't got a lot to say_

_But there's something about her_

_And you don't know why_

_But you're dying to try_

_You wanna kiss the girl_

"Do you hear something?" Amy asked.

"Yeah, sounds like somebody encouraging us to kiss" Chris answered.

"***blushing*** that's ridiculous" Amy said.

_Meg:_

_Yes, you want her_

_Look at her, you know you do_

_It's possible she wants you, too_

_There is one way to ask her_

_She doesn't take a word_

_Not a single word_

_Go on and kiss the girl_

"Sing with me now" Meg said "Not you, Neil"

Then the nerds started singing along, except Neil.

_Meg and the nerds:_

_Sha-la-la-la-la-la_

_My, oh, my_

_Look at the boy too shy_

_He ain't gonna kiss the girl_

_Sha-la-la-la-la-la_

_Ain't that sad_

_Ain't it shame, too bad_

_You're gonna miss the girl_

"You know Amy...there's something I wanted to tell you since I met you" Chris said.

"Me too...except that it was since you saved my life" Amy said.

"Really? Well, you can tell me" Chris said.

"No, you first" Amy said.

"No, you first" Chris said.

"No, you first" Amy said.

"No, you first" Chris said.

"You know what? Let's say it at the same time" Amy said.

Okay" Chris agreed.

"I LOVE YOU!" Chris/Amy confessed, covering their mouths...but they didn't have to hide their feelings anymore.

_Meg:_

_Now's your moment_

_Floating in a blue lagoon_

_Boy, you better do it soon_

_No time will be better_

_She doesn't say a word_

_And she won't say a word_

_Until you kiss the girl_

_Meg and nerds:_

_Sha-la-la-la-la-la_

_Don't be scared_

_You got the mood prepared_

_Go on and kiss the girl_

_Sha-la-la-la-la-la_

_Don't stop now_

_Don't try to hide it how_

_You wanna kiss the girl_

_Sha-la-la-la-la-la_

_Float along_

_Listen to the song_

"LA, LA, LA-LA-LA!" Neil sang badly again, prompting Meg to kick his ass.

_Meg and nerds:_

_The song say kiss the girl_

_Sha-la-la-la-la-la_

_Music play_

_Do what the music say_

_You wanna kiss the girl_

Amy and Chris were about to finally kiss and everybody was excited to see that. Especially Meg.

_Meg:_

_You've got to kiss the girl_

_Why don't you kiss the girl_

_You gotta kiss the girl_

_Go on and kiss the girl_

But then they both fell into the lake. But they were fine, because they both can swim. They laughed at their situation, much to Meg's dismay since she really wanted to see them kiss. But then Amy's camera earrings started to malfunction, preventing the popular girls from being able to see.

"What the hell?!" Connie asked.

When Chris and Amy were out of the lake. They realized Meg and the nerds were watching the whole time.

"So yeah, we know you like each other" Meg said "I'm sorry..."

"Are you kidding? I finally tell Amy what I fell about her!" Chris said.

"WE did it" Amy corrected "So, Chris. I'm ready for 'the question'"

"Do you have any kids?" Chris asked.

"CHRIS!" Meg scolded.

"I was joking!" Chris said laughing until he saw his sister's glare "Sorry. Amy, would you like to be my girl-?"

"Wait a minute..." Neil said, noticing one of Amy's diamond earrings and he took one off of her ear "This earring was bugged!"

***everybody gasps***

"It's not what you think!" Amy said afraid "Connie gave them to me to look prettier!"

"Connie? CONNIE D'AMICO?!" Meg asked really furious.

"What's wrong with her?" Amy asked.

"She's the evilest girl in the world, possible in the Universe" Neil answered "And YOU are her puppet!"

"Amy, how could you join her?" Chris asked with a sad tone.

"I didn't know she was mean" Amy answered "I just..."

"Save it, bitch!" a nerd said shooting a sedative at her, making falling asleep.

"AMY!" Chris exclaimed going to help her, but Meg didn't let him.

"What you wanna do with her?" another nerd asked.

"Let's take her to the base and make her tell everything she knows about our enemy" Neil said.

The nerds took her away and Chris couldn't do anything to stop them..

Back with the popular girls, they're trying to communicate with her.

"Amy! Can you hear me?!" Connie asked "DAMN IT!"

"Looks like they got her" Gina said.

"And the worst thing is we don't know where to find them!" Connie added.

"I know where they live!" Scott said "In the library of Quahog. They use it when it's close"

"Hey...that's good" Connie said "We're going to show them they can't mess with us. At daybreak, we attack!"

"YES, MA'AM!" the popular guys agreed.

When they started to prepare for battle (guys putting on their foot-ball uniforms and girls putting on their cheerleaders' outfits), they started singing.

**(A/E: Savages from _Pocahontas_)**

_Connie:_

_What can you expect_

_From ugly little nerds?_

_Their whole disgusting face just makes me sick_

_Their skin full of spots_

_They're only good when dead_

_They're cancer, as I said_

_And worse_

_Populars:_

_They're ugly guys! Ugly guys!_

_Connie:_

_Barely even students_

_Populars:_

_Ugly guys! Ugly guys!_

_Connie:_

_Get them out of here!_

_They're not like you and me_

_Which means they must be evil_

_We must finish them right now!_

_Connie and populars:_

_They're ugly guys! Ugly guys!_

_Dirty nerdy devils!_

_We must finish them right now!_

Meanwhile at the library; the nerds had Amy as prisoner in a cage. They're singing too, even Neil's singing voice improved a lot

_Neil:_

_This is what we feared_

_The populars are demons_

_The only thing they feel at all is greed_

_Nerd #1:_

_Beneath their good appearance_

_There's emptiness inside_

_Nerd #2_

_I wonder if they even bleed_

_Nerds:_

_They're bully guys! Bully guys!_

_Barely even students_

_Bully guys! Bully guys!_

_Neil:_

_Killers at the core_

_They're different from us_

_Which means they can't be trusted_

_We must finish them right now!_

_Neil and nerds:_

_They're bully guys! Bully guys!_

_First we deal with this one_

_Then we sound the drums of war_

_Populars:_

_Ugly guys! Ugly guys!_

_Scott:_

_Let's go kill a few, dude!_

_Nerds:_

_Bully guys! Bully guys!_

_Connie:_

_Now it's up to you, guys!_

_Everybody:_

_Ugly guys! Bully guys!_

_Barely even students!_

_Now we sound the drums of war!_

Meanwhile; Meg was taking Chris home.

"We need to save her!" Chris said "Before they do something bad to her!"

"No way, as Neil said: she is the enemy now" Meg said.

"Come on, you were the one who wanted me to be with her!" Chris protested.

"That was before she reveals her plan" Meg replied.

"Can you listen to me?!" Chris asked making Meg stopping the car.

"Okay, what is WRONG with you, Chris?" Meg asked "You don't realize she was working with Connie D'Amico the whole time?"

"I know and I don't care!" Chris said "You just can't stand anybody who worked with the bitch who makes your life miserable!"

"Well, that's correct, but..."

"But that doesn't mean Amy is a bitch like her, she's the ONLY friend you got, aside of Katie, Jaina and your geeky group of friends that we don't see anymore!" Chris said "So help me rescue her or I'm gonna tell Eddie YOU left his little sister to be feasted by nerdy cannibals!"

"Oh my god...you were right about the part that she's my friend..." Meg said with a guilty tone "And it's not her fault for falling for Connie's schemes..."

"Wow, Axel's 'Standing Up For Yourself' lessons really worked" Chris said.

"We're going to save Amy at all cost!" Meg said turning on the car and driving off.

Meanwhile, in the library, Neil (he's dressed like Kahn from _Star Trek II_) and the nerds (dressed as Klingons) were still interrogating Amy.

"Just tell me what you know about the populars" Neil ordered.

"How many times I'm gonna tell you? I don't KNOW!" Amy said "I just wanted to be with Chris, I'm in love with her!"

"You're lying!" Neil said "Do you know the Klingon proverb that tells us revenge is a dish that is best served cold?"

"Is that a quote from _Star Trek II_?" Amy asked "The best Star Trek movie?"

"Really?" Neil asked surprised "All my friends say that the 2009 reboot/prequel is the best"

"Yeah, but I heard Spock's death scene made all Trekkies' cry" Amy said.

"I know, it was sadder than Jean Grey's death in _X-Men 2_" Neil said.

"Did you watch _X-Men: First Class_?" Amy asked.

"I love them!" Neil answered "Except _X-Men Origins: Wolverine_, I heard there will be a sequel with Hugh Jackman reprising his role"

"Wow, you nerds are not bad people at all" Amy said.

"Neil!" a guard nerd called "Somebody is coming!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot you're one of them" Neil said leaving.

The nerds got outside and found an army of popular guys.

"Goldman!" Connie exclaimed "We know you and your losers are hiding!"

"Well, well, looks like the Queen of bitches has just arrived" Neil said "We've been waiting for this battle...we're finally gonna take you down"

"***laughing*** Don't make me laugh, Goldman" Connie said arrogantly "You guys could never deal with us, what makes you think this time will be any different?"

"GUYS!" Neil called as the nerds appeared with a giant machine with several paintball guns "FIRE!"

They started shooting paintballs at the popular guys. Meg and Chris finally arrived and they took the chance to get into the library to rescue Amy. Amy was still in the cage...until they were found by the Griffin siblings.

"GUYS!" Amy exclaimed.

"Don't worry, friend" Meg said "We'll set you free"

"Oh, guys, I'm awfully sorry for all this" Amy said very guilty "I'm a stupid, stupid girl"

"Don't say that, you're a sweet, sweet girl" Chris said "And I'll never leave again"

"Okay, I'm gonna use the 'Dragon Kick' to break the lock" Meg said.

"Wait, it's too dangerous!" Amy warned.

But Meg shut her eyes, took a breath and with flames in her eyes she made a spin jump and kicked the lock, breaking it and setting Amy free.

"Did you say something?" Meg asked as Amy hugged Chris, then planting several kisses on him, leaving him with so many lipstick marks.

"Wow, that was...awesome..." Chris said.

"Well, get used to it, I do the same with Eddie all the time" Meg replied.

In the aftermath of the battle, so many popular guys were groaning in pain, completely covered in paint, even Connie. The nerds cheered in victory.

"We did it!" Neil cheered "Victory is ours!"

But then the school's groundskeeper appeared, crossing his arms. Neil slowly turned around and Connie slowly stood up, shocked by his appearance.

"You weasels are in big trouble..." the groundskeeper said.

"You're not telling the principal, are you?" Connie asked.

Unfortunately for them, he did, as they got detention the following day.

"I can't believe he told the principal..." Connie said really grumpy.

"Look at the bright side: this whole war between us serves as inspiration for my comic book" Neil said.

"Wait, you did ALL THIS just to get an idea for your stupid comic book?" Connie asked really angry.

"Silence, both of you!" Principal Shepard ordered "You can't talk in detention"

Meanwhile, Amy was telling her father (dressed as the coach) about how she and Chris became a couple.

"That was a wonderful story, sweetheart" the Coach (Frank) said.

"Don't worry, sir" Chris said "I promise I'll take care of her"

"I hope so, because if you make her cry..." the Coach (Frank) said, as he flexed his muscles...so much in fact that his muscles flexed their own muscles.

"DADDY!" Amy scolded.

"I'm kidding, I have faith in this one" the Coach (Frank) said, giving Chris a friendly pat on the back.

Suddenly, Helena appeared.

"Hello, I was wondering what was keeping my daugther..." Helena said.

"Ah...hello...Mrs. Walker" the Coach (Frank) greeted, a little nervous.

"You must be my children's coach" Helena said "I'm Helena, nice to meet you"

They exchanged handshakes...until the Coach's mustache fell off...revealing his secret identity.

"Oh crap!" Frank cursed.

Helena looked at him...and she froze.

"...Frank?" Helena asked.

"Helena..." Frank said.

"Is it bad?" Chris asked.

"REALLY bad" Amy answered.

Narrator:_ In an unexpected twist that came out of nowhere, Helena found out the coach was her ex-husband all this time. How is she gonna react? Will Chris and Amy remain as a couple? Why am I asking these questions?_

It revealed that the narrator was a live action Patrick Stewart.

"Well, I don't know, find out in the next chapter" Patrick Stewart said "I hate being a narrator..."

**End of the Chapter**


	22. How I Met your Mother

**Chapter 22: How I met your Mother**

**(A/E: Hey everyone! I bet you wanted a 'retelling of the previous chapter', but...the narrator quit. So let's get started it!)**

This chapter begins where the previous ended. Helena finding out that the coach was her ex-husband: Frank Walker.

"Frank...?" Helena asked very shocked.

"Helena..." Frank said.

"Is it bad?" Chris said.

"REALLY bad" Amy replied very afraid of what's gonna happen.

"You were my children's coach all this time?" Helena asked.

"Helena, let me explain..." Frank said.

But then Helena suffered a painful headache.

"Argh...no...painful memories" Helena said.

**Flashback**

The flashback was in black and white; Helena was locked in the bathroom, crying and having bruises on her face and arms.

***violent door banging***

_OPEN THE DOOR YOU STUPID BITCH!_

Then another flashback where she confronted him with a gun.

***BANG***

Frank survived, but he was arrested by the cops.

Then another flashback where she's in a frozen forest hunting down a warthog with a bow and arrows.

Then another flashback where she officially became a secret agent.

"Never forget what you learned, Agent 777" D said.

**Flashbacks' end**

Helena finally stopped feeling pain...but she kept her eyes shut.

"Helena, are you okay?" Frank asked.

"You...must...suffer..." Helena said with emotionless eyes.

Helena quickly goes to Frank to give him a kick in the stomach, then another kick to the chin to send him away.

"DADDY!" Amy screamed.

Frank was on the ground, but Helena wasn't over yet

"Helena, let me talk to you" Frank begged.

"Too late..." Helena replied, still emotionless.

She gave him several rapid punches (like Wreck-it Ralph or Sakura Haruno), causing him a great deal of damage.

"Wow, she's definitely worse than Mom and Meg on their periods" Chris said.

*female audience booing*

(A/E: Okay, I won't make any more sexist jokes, I promise!)

"I'll finish you off..." Helena said, raising her fist to attack.

"PLEASE STOP!" Amy cried with tears in her eyes.

Suddenly like a lightning bolt, Axel Everett appeared to protect Frank from

his ex-wife, catching her fist.

"As Soren of _The Guardians of Ga'Hoole_ once quoted: 'I swear to protect the innocent and vanquish evil'" Axel said.

"Axel!" Chris cheered.

"Back off, boy" Helena ordered "I must finish the job"

"Make me" Axel dared.

Helena suddenly started to attack him, but Axel blocks each one with his own arms

"Damn you!" Helena cursed.

She did a low kick, knocking him to the ground as she sent her fist

downwards, but Axel blocked it with Ragnarok as he kicked her back, landing back on his feet.

"Oh, now you are going to use a gun on me?!" Helena asked.

"You left me no choice" Axel said as he takes aim and pulls the trigger, but all it did was made a clicking sound "Damn it, I must have forgotten to load it this morning!"

"Big mistake" Helena commented.

"No biggie, I don't need guns to beat you" Axel shrugged.

Angered, Helena charged at him and sent a couple of punches, but Axel blocked each one with his gun and retaliated with a swing to her face, knocking her off balance as she glares at him.

"Oh yeah, don't mess with the disciple of Shen, bitch" Axel taunted as he slung his shotgun on his shoulder and give a taunting wave of his free hand.

Furious, the spy charges at him...but Axel merely trips her with his shotgun, and while she was mid-air, Axel twirls around and hits her hard using his gun as a baseball bat, blasting her against a wall, defeated. Axel placed his shotgun on his back.

"That will do, Ragnarok, that will do (_Babe_ reference)" Axel said.

"***chuckling*** You just quoted Babe" Chris said "But you said 'Ragnarok' instead of 'Pig'

"Shut up, that movie made me cry when I was little" Axel said.

"Guys!" Amy called "My parents don't look so good

"Yeah, they look worse than mine after their war in Vietnam" Chris said.

**Flashback**

Peter and Lois (both dressed like Rambo) were in the forest killing anyone near them.

"Peter...this nonsense manhunt has gone too far, we should give up" Lois said.

"NO! I'm not ready for society and I never will be!" Peter said throwing a grenade.

***BOOM***

"Oh no, who did I kill?" Peter asked.

"Nobody special, just Sarah Jessica Parker" Lois answered.

**Flashback's end**

They brought them to Zack's RV to heal their wounds (they're still unconscious).

"Thanks for helping my girlfriend's parents, Zack" Chris thanked.

"Anytime, but why didn't you just go to the hospital?" Zack asked.

"Because my parents are divorced and...I think my mother still hates him for what happened all those years ago" Amy explained.

"What if they wake up and get into another fight?" Axel asked.

"That would suck" Cody answered.

"ROB-B" ROB-B agreed.

"I know that feeling, my neglecting father was a lazy man who worked in a 7-11 and my mother was a hippie" Zack said.

"Do you have brothers or sisters?" Amy asked.

"An older half-sister, same mother, a typical dumb blonde" Zack answered.

**(A/E: You already know who it is)**

Suddenly Frank started waking up.

"DADDY!" Amy cheered hugging.

"Ah...sweetie, what happened?" Frank asked until he saw Helena "Oh my god, did I do that?!"

"No, I did that to save your ass" Axel answered "She was going to kill you"

"I can't believe she found out who I am" Frank said.

"I blame these novelty mustaches" Chris said, holding up Frank's fake mustache "They never stick on good"

**Cutaway**

In a black and white scene: there's a woman tied to a train's rails and a clichéd villain was hiding in the bushes.

"Bwahahahahahaha...!" the villain evilly laughed playing with his mustache until it was stick off "Not again!"

**Cutaway's end**

"Listen up, Frank: this is what we're gonna do: I will strike your ex-wife's nerve points, so she's unable to move when she wakes up" Axel explained "We're gonna try to convince her that you changed"

"I don't know if I'm ready for this" Frank said.

"You can do it, Daddy" Amy said "This could be a huge step towards becoming a family again"

"We'll back you up, Mr. Walker" Chris said.

"Guys, looks like she's waking up" Cody said.

Helena finally woke up.

"Uh...where am I?" Helena asked.

"Hey, Mom" Amy greeted.

"Amy?" Helena asked then looking at...Frank "AH!"

She tried to move, but she couldn't. Her body was paralyzed.

"WHAT?! what happened to me?" Helena asked.

"Listen, bitch: you're not going anywhere until you start listening to every word your ex-husband has to say!" Axel said.

"Helena, I did this, because I miss you" Frank said "You and the kids. I'm regretted all the hell I put you through and I really want to make the things right if you give me a chance"

"Mom, please, Daddy is not the same man as he was back then" Amy begged.

"I'm sorry, dear, I want to believe you...but..." Helena said until she was interrupted.

"But what?" Axel asked "You think Frank is beyond forgiveness and"redemption?

"Well..."

"NO! I will not allow you to pull what Kathryn Lasky did with Kludd by making him the most hated character that she killed off!" Axel said slamming his fist against the table.

"Uh, Axel, I think you're getting off track a bit..." Chris said.

"Bear with me, Chris" Axel told "Helena, what I am saying is there is a rare few that are beyond those two things, and Frank...he's not one of them"

"Axel, I don't think you get..." Helena said,

"Shut up please, if you need more convincing, I will cite some redemption examples...ROB-B...cue the music..." Axel said.

ROB-B puts in a CD on his CD system and encouraging music starts to play...

"Zack, Cody, lights..." Axel ordered

Zack and Cody turns off the light, darkening the entire room except around Axel.

"Jill Pole. _The Chronicles of Narnia: Silver Chair_. Aslan assigned Jill the task of finding the lost prince Rilian as her Redemption Quest for causing Eustace to fall off a cliff" Axel explained showing the cover of the book, then changing to a photo of Severus Snape "Severus Snape. _Harry Potter_. He spent most of the series atoning for causing Lily's death by protecting Harry from harm and working as a double agent for both the Death Eaters and the Order of Phoenix" he changed to a photo of Sam Winchester "Sam Winchester. _Supernatural_. After breaking the final seal which unleashed the apocalypse on Earth, Sam spent all of Season 5 by trying to fix the mess he created"

"There were also Dan Scott from _One Tree Hill_" Zack said showing a picture of Dan Scott.

"And the Grinch of _How the Grinch Stole Christmas_!" Cody said showing the cover of the book "***singing*** _You're not a mean one, Mr. Grinch_"

"And we can't forget Zuko in the third season of _Avatar the Last Airbender_" Amy said showing the picture of Zuko "Eddie's favorite cartoon"

"ROB-B!" ROB-B said showing the picture of the Terminator from _Terminator II: Judgement Day_.

"Yeah, I guess he counts since he becomes a good guy in the sequel" Axel said.

"And of course, the famous of all: Anakin Skywalker, AKA DARTH VADER" Chris said showing the picture of Anakin and Darth Vader "He sacrificed himself to save his son Luke, defeat the Emperor and save the Galaxy. Just as the Jedi prophecy foretold"

"Wait, but they're all fictional characters, they don't exist in real life..." Helena said.

"Bitch, we're ALL fictional characters in this Universe" Axel said having a point.

"Oh..."

"Look, Helena, all I am trying to put down is that these bad guys were able to get redemption, and Frank is not even as bad as them" Axel explained "Please, give the guy a second chance!"

"Children, I truly want to forgive Frank" Helena said.

"Then just say it, just like my dad" Chris said waiting for a flashback "What? No flashback?"

**(A/E: You can't use a flashback with the same people)**

"It's just...I worked so hard to move on with my life that I'm afraid if I accept Frank's forgiveness, I'm going to make the same mistakes over again" Helena explained.

"Please excuse my potty mouth, Mom, but that's bull-poopy!" Amy said "You've learned from your mistakes just like Daddy did"

"It's just I don't feel the 'spark' I felt when I was a young woman" Helena said.

"The 'spark'?" Amy asked.

"Oh, I know!" Chris answered "It's when Mom and Dad decided to make scary noises in their room at the night, leaving me and Meg with nightmares"

"It's more than that, kids" Frank said "It's the love we felt when we met for first time"

"Really? How was it?" Amy asked pretty interested.

"Oh great, now we have to hear the boring story of your love life?" Cody asked complaining.

"Read the title" Zack said pointing at up of the page.

"I hope he doesn't take as long as Ted Mosby did in his story...heck, I think it's still going on right now." Axel said "What? Not clip of _How I Met Your Mother_?"

**(A/E: I never watched the show)**

"Okay, everything began 22 years ago, 4 years before Eddie was born, in New York City, 1991..." Frank said starting to tell the story.

**22 years ago...**

_It was the early 90's, when everything started modernizing. There were skateboards, arcade video games, white rapping music, crappy movies kids love to watch, etcetera. Me? I was a free-spirited young man recently graduated from college and I was cool as a young Elvis Presley._

The flashback shows everything Frank was describing: kids riding skateboards, kids playing _Double Dragon_, Vanilla Ice dancing in a club and the movie _Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze_ playing in theaters. Then it shows a good-looking bar that also has a stage with three singers preparing for their leading singer. A young Frank came out wearing a cool singer red suit with stars and all the girls gone crazy.

_Frank:_

_Oh, baby how I love you_

_I wanna dance with you 'till I die_

_Yes, I know you want it too_

_You're the perfect babe for me_

_Singers:_

_You're perfect for me_

_Frank:_

_Baaaaby, just tell me one more thing_

_Tell me you wanna be with me_

_Yes, you do_

_Singers:_

_You wanna be with me_

_Young Frank:_

_Until I die_

_Singers:_

_You wanna dance and sing_

_Young Frank:_

_Until my heart stops_

_Singers:_

_You wanna eat with me_

_Young Frank:_

_Until my hunger dies_

_Singers:_

_You wanna be with me_

_Young Frank:_

_'Cause you're perfect for me_

_Yes, I know you want it_

_You want it, babe_

_Young Frank:_

_You really wanna, wanna, wanna love me_

_Singers:_

_Love me_

_Young Frank_

_You're just the perfect babe for me_

_Singers:_

_The perfect babe for me_

_Young Frank:_

_You'll never, ever, ever, ever get tired of me_

_Singers:_

_Never_

_Young Frank:_

_You want to be with me until I die_

_Singers:_

_With me until I die_

_Yeah, I had an ego the size of Australia. But I was young and up in the clouds. There were a lot of girls who wanted me so bad. They even gave me their underwear. But I had eyes for someone else..._

**Present**

"Laura Dern?" Chris asked, prompting Zack to hit his arm "OW! What? She was hot in _Jurassic Park_"

"Sorry, Daddy, please continue" Amy said.

"Okay, as I was saying..." Frank said.

**Past**

_This is where I met Helena; she was working as a waitress in the bar where I was working as a singer. But then..._

"Hey, babe!" a biker (with his friends) called "Where's our beers?"

"Here you got, gentlemen" Helena said putting the stray on the table.

The leader biker drank and then he spit it out.

"Are you f*cking kidding me? This tastes like crap!" leader biker said.

"I'm sorry" Helena apologizes.

"You know what? We're in good mood" leader biker said "How 'bout if you show your smoochies (breasts)"

"What? I can't, I'm not a whore" Helena refused.

"Listen, bitch..." leader biker said taking out his switchblade "You won't like me when I'm angry..."

"Hey, 'amigo', leave her alone!" Frank demanded "This is not a strip club"

"Screw off, Ricky Ricardo..." The leader biker barked, but Frank disarmed his switchblade and punched him in the face.

A brawl between Frank and the bikers started until it was stopped by the manager.

"What the hell is going on?!" the manager asked.

"You should fire them!" leader biker said "Let's get out of here!"

The bikers leave the place as the manager angrily stared at them.

"Boss, this is not what you think" Frank said.

"I could fire you, if you wouldn't have a wonderful voice" the manager said "That's why the British bitch is out!"

"Pardon?" Helena asked.

"Take your crap and get the hell out of here!" the manager answered.

_My manager was such a dick. I felt bad for Helena for being fired, so..._

Helena came out from the exit, then Frank started following her.

"Hey!" Frank called.

"Piss off..." Helena said bitterly.

"Look: I'm sorry for costing you your job, I didn't even know you were working here" Frank said.

"I started working months ago, now I can't pay the bloody rent" Helena replied.

"Wow, I have to admit you have a very sweet accent" Frank said using his charm.

"Are you trying to seduce me like you did with other women?" Helena asked.

"No, I'm just trying to help a co-worker that I has just met and lost her job...it's not like it's getting any better, right?" Frank asked.

"If you have a pinch of respect, leave me alone" Helena said.

"Okay, I won't waste your time anymore" Frank said "I have an extra room in my apartment, you can come to live with me for a while"

"Really?" Helena asked "How do I know it's not a trap for being your bedwarmer?"

"Come on, I swear I'm not that kind of man" Frank said "I can tell you some funny jokes! Like 'what did the leaf tell to the branch'?"

"What did it tell?" Helena asked.

"'Leaf me alone'" Frank answered as Helena laughed "Did you like it? I have another: why the math book goes to a psychologist?"

"Why?" Helena asked.

"Because he had A LOT of problems" Frank answered as Helena laughed again.

_She was having so much fun listening to my bad jokes that she didn't mind living with me._

**Present**

"I'll be honest, I thought you were going to do naughty things to me" Helena said.

"What kind of naughty things?" Amy asked.

"You're too young to know that" Frank answered.

"Frank, I know your daughter is 15, but she's already dating a guy" Zack said.

"Look, I'm Mr. Spoony Face!" Chris said with each spoon hanging up in his nose and ears.

"And trust me, he's perfect for her" Zack said.

"What happened next?" Amy asked.

"Well, since she was jobless..." Frank continued telling the story

**Past**

_She decided to fix my apartment up a little and when I say 'fix', I mean cleaning up the place._

Helena found Frank's apartment very messy: there were pizza boxes, cockroaches, trash everywhere, anything you can imagine in a typical young man's apartment. At least there's no used condoms...

***male audience booing***

**(A/E: Oh, come on! You guys too?!)**

But Helena acted like Snow White: calling woodland creatures, singing and cleaning up the apartment while the animals helped too. Time passed and we started to feel something for each other. It was pretty obvious since we spent every moment together.

Their romantic moment happened with the song 'Glory of Love' from _Karate Kid II_.

_Tonight it's very clear, as we're both standing here,_

_there's so many things I want to say_

_I will always love you, I will never leave you alone._

**(A/E: I know this song is from the 80's, but this song is pretty cool)**

**Present**

"***cooing*** Aw...that's cute" Amy commented.

"Corny as hell..." Cody commented.

"But one day..." Frank said.

**Past**

_The club got closed from complains since my jackass boss was mistreating his female employers. So, I lost my job too...but then I found something._

Frank found an pamphlet that looks like an invitation:

**SUPREME FIGHTER TOURNAMENT ISLAND**

**Reward: $1,000,000**

_There was a tournament in a mysterious island where so many people fight for $1,000,000. I really couldn't believe it. Although Helena wasn't so certain about this, that didn't stop me to train. Rocky-style._

Frank started a strict training regime: swallowing raw eggs (you know, a cool cliché that may give you salmonella poisoning) every morning, going to the gym, punching frozen ribs in a freezer, boxing, training martial arts like Karate, Kung Fu and Tae-Kwon-Do, and climbing the stairs of Philadelphia, everything while the _Rocky_ theme song is played.

_When the day came out, Helena decided to come with me to make sure I'll be fine. When we came to the docks, we met the participants: a professional bounty hunter, a female CIA agent with a white barn owl on her shoulder, a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and an Asian man._

Frank met the people he mentioned: a brunette-haired man with a scar on his cheek, he wears the same clothes of Captain Malcolm 'Mal' Reynolds from Firefly, with a badass trench coat, and on his back, a well-sharpened sword and a shotgun in a X-shaped pattern. A blonde woman with a ponytail and a CIA cap, white tank top, blue bulletproof vest, black pants and black heel boots, and the Barn Owl was snow white, like Nyra, minus the red brow. The hawaiian shirt man...should I even say it? And then there was the Asian who wears a red headband, a black kung fu Gi, red kung fu belt and black pants.

_Their names were Nathan and Hellen Everett, Glenn Quagmire, and Lao._

_Wait..._

**Present**

"Did you say 'Nathan and Hellen Everett'?" Axel asked.

"Yes" Frank answered.

"They were my parents!" Axel said really surprised "My father was a high-skilled professional bounty hunter and my mother was an extremely intelligent CIA agent. I remember she owned a barn owl called Nocturna at one time."

"Wow, so that's why when I met you for first time, you reminded me so much of those two." Frank said.

"I have my father's badass skills and my mother's intelligence" Axel said.

"Well, I have my dad's chubbiness and my mom's...whatever I got from her" Chris said trying to sound important.

"Anyway, continuing the story..." Frank said.

**Past**

They told us why they entered the tournament.

"My wife and I were looking for a Chinese top class criminal called Tao Shang" Nathan said.

"The CIA has been looking for him for years, he's one of the most wanted criminals" Hellen said "We know he's behind this tournament"

"What about you?" Frank asked Quagmire.

"Me? Well, I wanna win the money to buy a mansion with unlimited chicks" Quagmire said until he looked at Helena and Hellen "But it looks like I'm gonna have fun with these beauties" Hellen obviously felt offended and she kicked him in the balls "OW! Giggity..."

"One more comment like that and I'll will have you labeled as a sex offender before you can say Giggity one more time!" Hellen warned. Her owl gives a warning screech.

"And I won't think twice about hunting you down like a filthy spawn you are..." Nathan warned.

"Sheesh, okay!" Quagmire gasped, slightly intimidated "*thinking* I hope they don't have children to deal with."

"And you, Lao?" Frank asked.

"I have my reasons, very personal reasons" Lao answered in a very mysterious tone.

"Okay...mine is to win the money, so Helena and me can have an awesome life together" Frank explained.

"Cool, looks like we're not the only battle couple here" Nathan chuckled, as he nudged his wife, "Right, dear?"

"Actually, I'm not fighting, I just came to cheer him on" Helena said "We're not even married"

"Yet..." Frank said winking an eye at her.

A boat with a mysterious Asian man appeared.

"All aboard...to Supreme Fighter Tournament Island..." the Asian man said.

We got into the boat and the man rowed to the island. The whole trip lasted AN ENTIRE DAY, I mean, it was the longest trip we ever have. So long that Nathan and Hellen managed to make the best of it.

A sea serpent slithers out of sea as Nathan and Hellen were waving good-bye

"You take care!" Hellen said

"And if you need another relief from your heat cycle, drop by Oregon sometimes!" Nathan shouted out as the serpent returned to the sea "Ah, I love the ocean."

I even tried to ask the Asian man about the tournament and he always answered...

"You will know soon enough..." the Asian man said.

What a douche. But we arrived at the island eventually.

"Here we are..." the Asian man said

"You're not coming with us?" Frank asked.

"I cannot step on the island..." the Asian man answered "Good luck, fighters..."

The fighters got into the temple where the tournament sets up. Inside of the temple there Chinese monks in two rows, an arena in the middle and there's a throne where the host of the tournament is sitting. He was a balding, black-haired man, with a braided ponytail, facial hair and he was wearing a blue Chinese tunic with a black dragon on his back. He carries a staff with a skull.

"Tao Shang..." Hellen whispered.

"It's him?" Frank asked.

"I know a face when I see it" Hellen answered.

"Yeah, look at him and his evil Korean-like face..." Nathan muttered with a glare.

"Welcome, my dear fighters" Tao Shang greeted "This is the tournament, where we'll decide who will become the...SUPREME FIGHTER!...and who will lose...HIS LIFE!"

"Wait, what do you mean 'lose his life'?" Frank asked.

"SILENCE!" Tao Shang ordered "There will be no questions. Here's the rules of the tournament: every fighter will fight against the other...to the death"

***everyone gasps***

"This...can't be" Helena said with fear.

"Relax, Helena. There's four main characters in this tournament, I think we will be fine." Nathan shrugged off.

"Now...looks like we only have six fighters for this tournament" Tao Shang "It's okay, one of my henchmen will participate too"

"Six? Wait, I'm not a fighter, I'm just here to..." Helena said.

"SILENCE!" Tao Shang ordered "Once you step on the island, you cannot back out!"

"Leave the young lady out of this!" Helena warned "She's just an innocent bartender!"

"You dare defy me?" Tao Shang asked.

"You're damn right she does!" Nathan answered "Leave her out of this...or" he unsheath his sword "You will taste the holy vicious steel of THE REBELLION!" He holds up his sword in epic fashion, as a loud lion roar echoes.

"Dude, where did that roar come from?" Quagmire asked.

"You got me" Nathan answered, not moving from his stance.

"Mmm...I love violent people" Tao Shang said "Okay, not only will the rules change, but the English woman will not fight, but she will be a trophy"

"What?" Helena asked as she was taken by the guards "FRANK!"

"HELENA!" Frank screamed "What are you gonna do to her?!"

"SILENCE!" Tao Shang ordered "If you ever want to see her again, you must win this tournament"

"Bring it on!" Frank said in fighting stance "You won't stop me!"

"Don't worry, Frank. We will get her back" Nathan reassured.

"Besides, what could happen?" Hellen asked.

A tournament chart appeared on screen: Frank vs. Lao, Nathan vs. Hellen, Quagmire vs. ...a silhouette of an unknown man. Then it showed Frank and Lao in the arena, ready to fight.

"I have a new rule: the first one unable to battle, loses" Shao Tang "Let the fight...BEGIN!"

The monk made the gong sound.

"Okay, Bruce Lee" Frank said cracking his fists "I'll show you my kick-ass moves" Frank did an uppercut punch, but Lao stopped the punch and threw him to the ground and punched him in his stomach (through X-rays, we can see his bones cracking) "OW!" he tries to get back up, but he couldn't.

"The winner is Lao!" the monk referee exclaimed.

"Forgive me, nothing personal" Lao apologizes.

"***whispering*** There goes my good life..." Frank said.

Next fight: Nathan vs. Hellen. The monk made the gong sound.

"Wow, you and me?" Nathan asked "This is gonna be sexy"

"Indeed" Hellen said.

"Ladies first" Nathan said bowing like a gentlemen.

Then Hellen gave him several combo punches and kicks while Nathan dodged every single one of them. Then he did a swipe kick to make her fall, but she quickly recovered and then she gave him a spin kick. He was knocked down.

"Wow, you've been working out" Nathan said.

"You're not the only one" Hellen said "Especially before we have sex"

Nathan stood up and the fight continued. Lao stared at Tao Shang and he remembered a flashback.

**Flashback**

Two young Asian boys (one wears red and the other wears blue) were [strictly] training feverishly in the same dojo. Their father was observing them. The boy in red got tired, the father shouted at him in Chinese. He started whipping him until the boy in blue had enough and used a powerful kick to twist his neck, killing him in that instant. The boy in red was shocked and the boy in blue just ran away.

**Flashback's end**

The fight was getting hot until Nathan finished her, kicking her in the stomach. She was sent sprawling against the ground.

"Winner: Nathan Everett!" the monk referee exclaimed.

"Sorry, dear" Nathan apologized.

"It's okay, I let you win" Hellen said.

"You did?"

"Listen: you must continue with the tournament, I need to sneak down into Shang's room to look for evidence, so we can take him down" Hellen explained.

"Okay, but be careful, dear." Nathan said.

Next fight: Quagmire vs. a silhouette

"All right, I'm ready to kick some ass!" Quagmire cheered "Bring in on!"

"As you wish..." Tao Shang said "RELEASE HORO THE GIANT!"

The main door was opened to reveal a giant fat sumo, he was bald with a pony tail and he was wearing a black loincloth and red belt with a yin-yang buckle.

"ROAAAAAAAAAAR!" Horo roared like a monster and slowly walked into the arena.

"Wow, judging by your fatness, looks like you hadn't got laid in a long time." Quagmire said "How about this? After I kick your ass, I can hire you a personal coach so you can lose a couple of pounds and lend you some of my..." but Horo picked him up. "Wow, wait, what are you doing? The match hadn't even started...!" then Horo used his knee to break Quagmire's back "AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" He dropped him and the poor pervert was badly bruised..

"Winner: Horo!" the monk referee exclaimed.

"ROOOOAAAAAAAR" Horo roared in victory.

Tao Shang just proudly applauded.

"Nobody has defeated my favorite student, everything he touches get destroyed" Tao Shang said.

"This can't be..." Frank said.

"Rest tonight, my brave fighters, tomorrow we'll decide the winner of the tournament" Tao Shang ordered.

"Wait, tell me where's Helena!" Frank demanded.

"SILENCE!" Tao Shang ordered "You will know soon..."

Later that night; the fighters (Hellen was doing what she was said early) were resting in the same room. Lao was healing Quagmire's back with acupuncture.

"Do not move, any mistake could pierce a nerve and kill you" Lao said.

"You're good with that stuff, right?" Frank asked "Hey Nathan, what are you doing?"

"Writting my novel, I like writing" Nathan answered.

"What are you writing?" Frank asked.

"Sorry, but I don't disclose details before I'm done" Nathan answered.

"What about you, Lao?" Frank asked "I know I should keep my nose out of your business, but I couldn't help on noticing that your'e interested in Tao Shanhai"

"Tao Shang" Nathan corrected.

"He's my brother..." Lao confessed making everybody gasped, Nathan even stopped writing and took out his sword.

"You are brother to a criminal?" Nathan asked pointing at him with his sword, before thinking,"Hmm...that sounds like it could be a good story someday..."

"A man doesn't choose his family" Lao said "He killed our father and framed me for his death. I was banished from the clan forever"

"So you're here to avenge your father's death" Nathan said.

"Pretty much" Lao replied.

"Then I guess we all share a cause, Nathan & Hellen wants to take him in, I wanna take him down for kidnapping my Helena, and you want to avenge your father's death...very serpenditious" Frank said.

***female screaming***

"What's in the name of Glaux?" Nathan asked, before everyone looked at him "What? Glaux means 'God' for the owls"

"That must be Helena" Frank answered "Let's check it out"

"Stay here, don't move" Lao ordered.

"Okay...I won't move..." Quagmire said "At least give me something to read...like a Playboy...and I'm talking to myself...great..."

The three male fighters sneaked down into Tao Shang's lair without getting detected by the guards. They finally found their way into the lair where they also found Helena and Hellen (both wearing pretty slave dresses) chained together, as they observed from above. Then Tao Shang appeared and used his staff that happens to have evil powers.

"What is that thing?" Frank asked, a bit intimidated by the scary-looking staff

"No, it's the Skull of Souls! It was a relic of our family" Lao answered "He's taking their souls!"

"Over my dead body, he is!" Nathan exclaimed coming out, as he pulled out the Rebellion and Ragnarok as he was about to jump...

"Nathan!" Frank called.

But Nathan jumped and landed in the lair, in between the two ladies and Tao Shang.

"You couldn't wait for tomorrow, could you?" Tao Shang said evilly smiling.

"This wasn't how it was suppose to happen! Let them go!" Nathan demanded.

"You violated my rules...and now...you will die" Tao Shang as he tapped his staff to summon Horo from the shadows.

"ROOOAAAAAAAAAAAR!" Horo roared, because apparently it's the only thing he does.

"***mocking roaring*** cut it out, fatass! I wrecked (BLEEP!) of bigger fatasses before!" Nathan said annoyed.

"Once he breaks you, your soul will be mine" Tao Shang said.

But then Frank and Lao came out too.

"First you have to go through me!" Frank said.

"And me..." Lao replied.

"Three against one? Seems a little unfair" Tao Shang said "No matter, my dear Horo has the power of a hundred men!"

"Then let's dance..." Nathan taunted.

The battle begun, as Horo let out another roar.

Lao ran fast, took a jump and gave him a flying kick to the stomach, but Horo's fat made him impervious to his kick, knocking him down to the ground. Horo picked him up and he was going to break the back on his knee like he did with Quagmire, but Frank had an idea: he ran fast too, he slides under him...and he punched him in the groin. Horo screamed of pain and covered his groin. Seeing his chance, Nathan dashed towards the lumbering giant, used his Ragnarok as a pole vault, and flip through the air as he impaled his sword into Horo's back.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Horo screamed of pain.

"NO!" Tao Shang exclaimed.

"OH YES!" Nathan bragged as he put his shotgun to the back of Horo's head, and...

***bang***

Horo's head was blasted off, sending his corpse to the ground. Upon his defeat, Frank and Nathan went to their women and unchained them.

"Are okay, Helena?" Frank asked.

"I'm fine...I guess" Helena answered.

"Nice dress, babe" Nathan praised.

"Thanks" Hellen thanked.

"It's over, Shang!" Nathan said.

"No, this is battle is far from over!" Tao Shang taking off his tunic, revealing his well toned muscles, wearing nothing more than slacks.

"Brother, stop this madness" Lao begged.

"I saved our lives from that bastard and this is how you repay me?" Tao Shang asked.

"You framed me for his death and abandoned our clan" Lao answered in fighting stance "I must end this"

**MORTAL KOMBAT!**

_Hold on!_

**Present**

"The movie of _Mortal Kombat_ wasn't released until 1995" Chris said.

**(A/E: Yeah, I know that, but IT KICKS ASS! _Mortal Kombat_ is the best video game film ever! I said it! Forget _Prince of Persia: Sands of Time_, forget _Final Fantasy: the Spirits_ Within and forget _Super Mario Bros_...seriously, just forget it)**

**Past**

Lao and Tao Shang fought with incredible awesome kung fu moves that you would see while watching the Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan films. They even walked on the walls like Ninjas. When they were on the ceiling, they both did a jump kick. When their kicks clashed, an intense force threw them against the wall.

"Wow, they're both equal" Frank commented.

"I must finish this" Lao said in a fighting stance with a dragon background.

"I must finish you" Tao Shang said in a fighting stance with a tiger background.

"It's me or this is better than sex?" Frank asked.

"Dude, nothing in the world is better than sex...expect orgies...you can't beat orgies" Nathan answered.

The two brothers ran towards each other for the final blow and an intense explosion was created. The smoke ceased...with Tao Shang down and Lao standing victorious.

"YEAH!" Frank and Nathan cheered.

"Way to go, pal!" Frank praised.

"Surrender, Tao Shang, it's finally over" Nathan said.

"No...no...I will never surrender! Not while I still have the Skull of Souls!" Tao Shang said releasing the staff's powers "Your souls are be MINE!"

But suddenly, a high-pitched whistle sound emanated, summoing Nocturna, as she suddenly appeared out of nowhere, taking the staff from Tao's grasp and giving it to Hellen.

"Hey, Tao Shang!" The CIA agent taunted, as the camera suddenly zoomed in on her face "Ska-doosh" Hellen said in epic fashion, as she smashed the skull of the staff against the ground, releasing several stolen souls.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Tao Shang screamed "Do you have any idea of what you've done?!"

Then a mystical force make appear...the DEATH...! Dressed like an rapper...

"Oh great, who's the jerk that interrupted my rap?" Death asked until he saw the Skull of Souls broken "OH MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!"

"That insolent bitch broke the sacred staff that my family swore to protect for several generations!" Tao Shang said "She must be punished!"

"Sorry, Kung Pao Chicken, but the deal specifically says that you and your family are responsible for that staff"

"Wait, why the hell did you give such a powerful item to a dangerous Chinese clan?" Nathan asked.

"I wanted somebody to help me with collecting dead souls" Death answered "Do you have any idea how stressful my job is? I really wanted my sister's job"

...

"He could had asked me..." Nathan muttered to himself, bitterly.

"Death has a sister?" Helena asked.

"Yeah, her name is Life" Death answered.

**Cutaway**

A couple finished having sex and suddenly Life, who looks like a jade skinned, sky blue haired beautiful woman, wearing a flower tiara and a white silk dress, appeared in front of them.

"Hello!" Life greeted.

"AH!" the couple screamed.

"Who the hell are you?!" The man asked.

"I'm Life and it looks like your female partner is going to have a baby right...NOW!" Life said shooting a light beam from her finger "In 9 months you'll be blessed with a beautiful little creature"

**Cutaway's end**

"Anyway, come on, let's go" Death said grabbing his arm.

"NOOOOOOO!" Tao Shang screamed as they both disappeared.

After that; the fighters were outside ready to go back home.

"I'm sorry for about what happened to your brother..." Helena said.

"His path led him to his doom..." Lao replied "Now I must follow mine..."

"Here's a check of $500,000, I know it's not a million dollars..." Hellen said.

"No, actually it's enough to live a good life" Frank said "What do you think, Helena?"

"You and me? Frank, I don't know what to think" Helena said.

"Just tell me one word..." Frank said kneeling down and taking out a clam from his pockets "Helena Oldman..." He opened the clam revealing a ring with a pearl "Would you marry me?"

"Oh my LORD!" Helena cheered "YES, I WILL!"

She strongly hugged him.

"Where's Nathan and Hellen?" Frank asked, noticing the absence of the couple...before noticing a book on the ground with a note in it. He opens it and read the note:

"See ya down the road...and if you happen to find a writer...give him or her this draft to finish..."

Frank looked up at the sunset and smiled, "Well, carry on, Mr. and Mrs. Everett...carry on."

It shows Nathan and Hellen walking back to their car...which happens to be the Impala that Axel would later own.

"You know, Nate. I had been thinking..." Hellen said.

"Yes?"

"Don't you think we are getting a little old to be taking down criminals? I mean, I loved traveling the world, kicking ass, and having sex everywhere and all...but we gotta slow down before we get too old..."

"What are you getting at?" Nathan asked.

"Nathan...I want to have a baby..." Hellen stated firmly.

Nathan looked in shock...but then smiled.

"Well, why didn't you say so? I am more than ready to begin a family" Nathan said

"Oh, Nathan..." Hellen smiled as she started to make out with him, as she and Nathan slipped into the Impala, as it started rocking...and then the song _Carry On My Wayward_ Son plays in the background as the past begins to fade into the present...

**Present**

"And that's how I met your mother, sweetie" Frank said.

"That was a great story, Daddy!" Amy praised.

"You really kick some Asian ass" Zack praised.

"I can't believe you actually met my parents...not to mention kick ass with my father" Axel added.

"But meeting Helena was the best thing happened out there" Frank said "That was I'm here, dear, to start all over as a family"

"Well, honey, maybe you did change after all these years. So..." Helena said.

_No...freaking...way_

They turned around and they saw Eddie standing out the door.

"Eddie?" Chris asked.

"Bro?" Amy asked.

"Honey, ho-how long you've been there?" Helena asked nervous.

"Enough to listen that stupid love story where you met that bastard, or should I say...Coach?

"Stupid love story?" Axel muttered angrily.

"Eddie, listen..." Frank said.

"Shut up, Frank!" Eddie shouted "I know everything!"

"Really? How?" Axel asked crossing his arms.

Meg appeared next to him, with a guilty face.

"I'm really sorry, guys" Meg said

"MEG?!" Chris asked outraged "You bitch!"

"It was an accident!" Meg said defensive "I accidentally slipped when he was asking me about the guest in the attic!"

"It's okay, Meg...you did the right thing" Eddie said.

"If you know the truth, then you also know your father wants to get his life back" Helena said

"Yeah, to make our lives a living HELL once again!" Eddie shouted really pissed.

"That's not true!" Axel said.

"Back off, Everett!" Eddie demanded "I won't take any crap from you!"

"Son, I'm not the monster I used to be anymore" Frank said "I wanna go back to be the happy family before the tragedy"

"Oh, so you came back be the 'man' of the house, huh?" Eddie asked with a cocky tone. "Then..." he points at his chin "...hit me"

"What?"

"Hit me if you think you're enough 'man' to be the boss" Eddie answered.

"I hit you, alright, with a vicious Ragnarok to the face!" Axel shouted as he was about to pull out his shotgun before Zack stopped him.

"Edward, you're being ridiculous" Helena said

"Yeah, I'm not gonna hit you" Frank said

"That's what I thought..." Eddie said spitting on the floor "Mom, Amy, let's go home"

"But Eddie..." Amy said.

"NOW!" Eddie demanded

She quickly left the trailer

"Helena, why don't you say something?" Frank asked.

"...I'm sorry, Frank...but if my son doesn't forgive you...you can't come back with us" Helena said

She also left the trailer.

"Who's the man now, Frank? That's right, it's me" Eddie said "One more thing: if you EVER come ANY closer to MY family, I'll put you in the hell you did to me years ago. Do you understand?"

"LET ME KILL HIM!" Axel said almost ready to beat the living hell out of him.

"...yes, I understand..." Frank answered. defeated.

"Good..." Eddie replied leaving the trailer along with Meg and slamming the door.

"**SON OF A BITCH**!" Axel cursed extremely angry at Eddie, as he punched a hole in the wall.

"Axel, calm down" Frank said.

"NO! I AM SO ANGRY I CAN'T SEE STRAIGHT! GOOD DAY!" Axel said, about to leave the trailer...before running into the wall, as he literally couldn't see straight. But Axel easily remedied it by taking out his Ragnarok and blasting a big enough hole in the trailer's wall to walk out and leave.

"What you're gonna do, Frank?" Zack asked, not caring about the gaping hole in his wall.

"I don't know, Zack..." Frank answered "I don't know..."

**To be continued...**

**(A/E: I know this is getting out of the actual show, but I hope you understand this fanfic is called 'OC Universe' which it means it focuses mainly on the OCs. I promise to keep the canon characters' personalities from the actual show and bring back usual style for season 3. Comedy is just not my pro, I always do my best. Also, in the special chapters, I'm gonna make a 'mail reading', so ask me ANYTHING (but, not anything about Eddie and Frank relationship.)**


	23. Daedalus and Icarus, part 1

**Chapter 23: Daedalus and Icarus, part 1**

**(A/E: This two-parter chapter pays tribute to my favorite Sci-Fi: the Alien films, Men in Black, the remake of War of the Worlds, District 9 and Prometheus)**

One night in the forest of Quahog; there's a couple making out in a car. They were Susan Summers (the girl who accused Chris of pervert) and...Anthony (from 'Go, Stewie, Go').

"You're the nicest guy I've ever meet" Susan said "Unlike other guys I know"

"Thank you...although I wouldn't call myself 'nice'" Anthony said, feeling a little guilty from the one time he made out with Meg's mother.

"Are you okay?" Susan asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine" Anthony answered pretending to be fine.

"You know, we've been dating for months and I'd like you to meet my parents." Susan said.

"Y-Your parents?" Anthony asked nervously.

"Yeah, especially my mother, she's a gorgeous woman" Susan answered

"Susan, I don't think it's a good ide-" Anthony said until they both saw a shooting star crashing into the nearby lake.

"What was that?" Susan asked.

"I don't know... but let's check it out" Anthony answered getting out of the car.

As they approached the lake, they looked in shock as the entire lake had evaporated, caused by the 'supposed shooting star'. They traversed into the center of the lake and they found a strange rock.

"What is that thing?" Susan asked.

"I don't know, it looks like rock, yet it's shaped like an egg" Anthony answered.

The moment he touched it and picked it up and the 'supposed egg' unfolded like flower petals and something came out: a yellow cobra-like spider..

"Eek, what is that disgusting thing?" Susan asked.

"Maybe it's a snake or a spider, but it seems harmless." Anthony said, slowly moving his hand towards the creature.

Then the creature revealed his face to Anthony, and for the sake of the fic's rating and the readers, no matter how few they may be (and it is such a crime), it's facial description cannot be disclosed. **(A/E: Sorry for breaking the fourth wall there)**

"Wow, it looks...beautiful" Anthony said, clearly hypnotized by the creature's face.

"Are you serious?" Susan asked really disgusted "It looks like a-"

But suddenly four tentacles sprung out of the creature's body and lunged onto the poor guy's face.

"***horrified muffling*** (HELP! HELP!)" Anthony begged.

""AAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Susan screamed like a girl in a horror movie.

But that wasn't all: suddenly, a light shines on Anthony, making him float. Susan looked up at the sky: it was a spaceship. Anthony was slowly ascending up towards the ship until both Anthony and the creature were already inside and the spaceship disappeared. Susan continued screaming...much to the other stupid teen couples making out in their cars' dismay (they were far away from the lake).

"God, why are teenage girls' screams so annoying?" a guy asked annoyed.

"Our diet consists of only helium" a girl answered with a very high-pitched voice "Hey, do you prefer my body or my voice?"

"Your body, duh" the guy answered.

"Good answer" the girl replied as they continued making out.

...

_Okay...I just need to turn it on and..._

The screen turned on and showed Eddie. It was a camera recording everything.

"This is awesome; Zack was very generous for lending me ROB-B so I can install my camera on him and record everything" Eddie said "Do you like it, ROB-B?"

"ROB-B" answered ROB-B, as the screen turns towards the robot, as he waved at the recording screen.

"Good, so...I guess I should start" Eddie said, clearing his throat "Hello, my name is Edward L. Walker and I'm gonna start filming my life. This is my room; ROB-B, turn around"

ROB-B turned around to film Eddie's room, showing off his movie posters, his bookshelf full of DVDs and books, even an empty spot with a note that says: 'Reserved for my first Oscar'.

"This is just the beginning of my path to become one of the best directors of all time" Eddie said "Just like Spielberg, Cameron and Scorsese..."

"MORNING, BRO!" Amy cheered.

"Damn it, Amy, you ruined my introduction!" Eddie complained.

"Why do you have Zack's robot, by the way?" Amy asked.

"I'm filming my life for the Rhode Island Film Festival" Eddie answered "I'm planning to win the award for Best Documentary and $10,000"

"I don't wanna criticize you, but why do you want to film your life?" Amy asked.

"Are you kidding? I have the best girlfriend in the world, I have a friend with magic powers and another friend who can become a werewolf" Eddie said "I got this contest in the bag!"

"That's cool, can I speak with a different accent?" Amy asked "I've been practicing my Polish accent"

"This is not a movie, just act natural" Eddie answered.

"Oh..." Amy groaned in disappointment before she quickly cheered up "Hey everyone! My name is Amy Elizabeth Polanski Neeson Blofovski Walker, but you can call me Amy. Call me Amelia and you die"

"She hates her real name" Eddie said.

***BUZZ***

ROB-B continued the recording as he was following Eddie around school.

"This is James Woods High School; the place where my friends and I study" Eddie said "Today my friend Matt Kennedy is doing a magic show in the Talent Show"

"Hey, Ed!" Chris greeted "Hi, sweet cake"

Chris kisses Amy.

"Good morning, dear!" Meg greeted giving him a kiss.

"Are you recording this, ROB?" Eddie asked "This is my girlfriend Megan Griffin"

"Is he making a documentary or something like that?" Meg asked.

"Pretty much" Amy answered.

"It's gonna be seen by HUNDREDS of people" Eddie said.

"Oh no, I didn't put on my make-up for this!" Meg said mortified.

"***whispering*** Trust me: not even the famous make-up artist Rick Baker can hide her ugliness" Chris said.

"You don't need it, just...be natural" Eddie said.

"Okay...hi, I'm Eddie's girlfriend" Meg greeted to the camera "If you're watching this; no, I'm not Ellen Page"

"***laughing*** I don't think Ellen Page could be as pretty as you" Eddie said.

"Yeah, I don't like her very much" Amy replied

"Totally agreed, her movie Juno was overrated" Chris said "I mean: Best Original Screenplay?"

_HEY YOU!_

The owner of that voice was Axel, who looks really pissed.

"What do you want, Everett?" Eddie asked annoyed

"Oh, I want many things, Walker" Axel answered sarcastically "Booze, Women, Money, Respect, and a sequel to _the Legend of The Guardians_, but the main thing I want is to you to stop being a grudge-holding bitch to your father!"

"Get lost! I don't need you giving me crap about my family!" Eddie said.

"When it's about your father, I can give ALL the crap I want!" Axel said "He proved to be a good man, like Abraham Lincoln, especially in that critically acclaimed movie, _Lincoln_!"

"Yeah, and I'm the king of crab people" Eddie replied sarcastically.

"Don't believe me? Ask Amy! She spent plenty time with him! I would know, me and Chris had been trailing him for a whole day!" Axel told.

**Cutaway**

It shows Axel sitting in a office, based off the series, _The Office_.

"Don't look at me like that! I really thought our gym teacher was a pedophile!" He explained to the camera.

**Cutaway's end**

"Is that true?" Eddie asked, as he sternly crossed his arms.

"***nervous*** Ah...look at the time! I gotta go!" Amy said, quickly running away in a slapstick way.

"Does that answer your question?" Eddie asked, acting very cocky.

"You scared her!" Axel answered "You know what's wrong with you? You're becoming a bully!"

"A what?"

"That's right, you prove yourself you're 'a man' by intimidating the weak and innocent ones" Axel said "That's what a bully is"

"Guys, don't be so hostile" Meg said "We promised Matt to be on our best behavior for his magic show performance"

"That's not true..." Eddie refused to believe "I'm not a bully..."

"Do you really think so, Eddie Walker?" Axel said "Or should I say: NELSON MUNTZ?

_Nelson: (off-screen) HA-HA!_

"I'm not a BULLY!" Eddie angrily shouted, as he suddenly gave Chris a wedgie.

"AAAAAHHH!" Chris screamed in pain.

"What's next? Shoving your girlfriend's head in the toilet...again?" Axel asked.

"Meg...tell Matt I'm not going to make it to his magic show performance..." Eddie said, really scared of himself "Bring ROB-B to record it..."

Eddie just walked away to be alone.

"Poor Eddie..." Meg said.

"Don't even feel sorry for him," Axel said "A whiny bitch is a whiny bitch, no matter how pathetic they are."

"That was my favorite underwear..." Chris moaned, rubbing his ass.

"Why are you humiliating him?" Meg scolded Axel, "Don't you see he has enough with his daddy issues?"

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a sh*t" Axel answered "Now let's go and watch Matt's magic show"

"That's funny, because that phrase is from _Gone with the Wind_, but he said 'sh*t' instead of...'damn" Chris said.

"Chris" Meg said.

"What?"

"Shut up" Meg ordered.

***BUZZ***

ROB-B is now recording in the school's auditorium where the talent show is was a crowd of students cheering.

_Ladies and gentlemen: our next contestant is Matthew Kennedy, who is doing a magic performance!_

"Behold: I am Matt the Magnificent!" Matt exclaimed.

"Matt the Magnificent?" Meg asked.

"Couldn't he choose a more humble name?" Dylan asked.

"Like Matt, the Great and Powerful" Axel answered.

"Or Matty Houdini!" Amy said.

***laughing*** that's a good one!" Chris praised.

"First: I take a card" Matt said taking out a card and showing it to everyone "Look at it closely, memorize it" he puts it back on the deck, he shuffled...until the cards fell down.

***crowd laughing***

But Matt didn't give up, as he used his actual magic powers to levitate the cards to get them into his hat.

***crowd gasping impressed***

"Now: I'll take out a bunny out of my hat" Matt said, taking out a bunny out of his hat.

The crowd seemed uninterested.

"That's not all: I'm gonna turn him into a BEAR!" Matt said "SHAZAM!"

***POOF***

The bunny becomes a bear.

"ROOAAAAAAR!" the bear roared.

***crowd screaming of terror***

"BEAR!" Axel screamed as he was about to pull out his Ragnarok, before being stopped by Chris and Dylan.

"Don't worry, I'm going to make this bear disappear!" Matt said "PRESTO!"

***POOF***

"Is this your card?" Matt asked.

***crowd exclaming YES**!*

"Bitch, they're not illusions, he's using his Spellbook...trust me, I still remember being that Woody Allen, Mr. Macky, Dumbo mini-freak..." Axel said, his expression growing dark.

"And now for my final act, I need a volunteer" Matt said "Let's see..." he points out at Meg "How 'bout you, lovely lady?"

"Me, no, I couldn't..." Meg said.

"Then my magic will bring you to me!" Matt said levitating Meg.

"Whoa, wait, PUT ME DOWN!" Meg screamed.

Meg was already on stage.

"Her clothes are a little lame, that why I'll turn her into a beautiful princess!" Matt said.

"Hey, my clothes are not...wait, did you say 'beautiful princess?" Meg asked excited.

"ABRACADABRA!" Matt exclaimed.

***POOF***

Meg is now wearing a beautiful yellow dress like Belle from _Beauty and the Beast_.

***crowd cheering***

"Oh my god!" Meg exclaimed of excitement "I'd wish Eddie could be here to see me!"

"Seriously, why he's not watching this?" Dylan asked.

"I don't know and I don't care" Axel answered "He has more issues than a teenage girl expecting a child"

**Cutaway**

A teenage girl was about to have a conversation with her parents.

"Honey, your mother and I need to ask you something" the father said.

"OKAY, YOU GOT ME!" the teenage girl screamed " I'M PREGNANT! I TOLD MY BOYFRIEND TO WEAR A CONDOM, BUT HE DIDN'T WEAR IT! HE RUINED MY LIFE! HE SHOULD BE IN JAIL!"

Her parents were shocked.

"We just wanted to ask you what do you want for your birthday" the father said, still shocked.

"Oh...ah...can you forget what I said earlier?" the teenage girl asked.

**Cutaway's end**

Meanwhile in Eddie's apartment; Eddie stopped recording for today, given the events that occured today. He was laying on his bed, alone with his thoughts.

"What's wrong with me?" Eddie asked.

Suddenly he imagined Steven Spielberg on his left shoulder.

"Are you okay, son?" Spielberg asked.

"I'm not okay, Mr. Spielberg" Eddie answered "Since my so-called father returned, I've been feeling upset"

Then Russell Crowe appeared on his right shoulder.

"How about if I sing you a song with my extraordinary voice" Russell Crowe said "***singing*** _And I'm Javert_!"

"No thanks, I don't wanna feel more miserable" Eddie said.

"I know what you feel: I never got along with my father when I was your age..." Spielberg said.

"I know, you make that clear in your movies" Eddie said interrupting him.

Suddenly, Zack Snyder appeared next to Spielberg.

"Zack Snyder, what are you doing here?" Eddie asked.

"I'm hiding from this one kid. He had been haunting me, hassling me to make a sequel to that failure of an owl movie!" He complained.

_Children!_

All three of them disappeared after hearing the voice and Eddie came out. Helena and Amy were in the living room waiting for him.

"What's going on?" Eddie asked.

"Eddie, I need to tell you and your sister something very important" Helena said "I'm going to Europe to promote my outfits"

"So, you're gonna put me in charge while you're absent?" Eddie asked.

"This is the thing: I'll be out the entire summer" Helena said "You guys need an adult"

"But I'm legally an adult" Eddie said.

"Don't interrupt me, Son" Helena told "Anyway, I already called him and he'll be right...now"

***DING-DONG**!*

"Come on in!' Helena called.

The 'babysitter' came in...it was Frank.

"Hey, everyone" Frank greeted.

"DADDY!" Amy cheered hugging him.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Eddie asked outraged.

"Watch your language, young man" Helena told.

"Does this mean he's coming back to live with us?" Amy asked very excited.

"No, I can't let him live with us..." Helena answered disappointing Amy "But the best I can do is giving him a chance to earn our trust"

"I won't give up until you guys can fully forgive me" Frank said.

"I don't need a babysitter and much less HIM!" Eddie said very angry going back to his room.

"Son, wait!" Frank called "God, this is gonna be harder than making Kristen Stewart laugh"

**Cutaway**

A clown was trying to make Kristen Stewart laughing. He hit himself with a cream pie, he spray himself with water, he made an elephant balloon and made it explode, releasing confetti.

"Ha, ha, that was funny..." Kristen Stewart said emotionless.

**Cutaway's end**

Eddie was locked in his room until Helena came in.

Son, please let me in

"No, until he's out of here" Eddie said.

But Helena somehow managed to open the door (don't ask) to enter.

"Son, you must listen to me" Helena said.

"If you're going to tell me you're still in love with this man, this isn't love" Eddie said "Domestic Violence is a real issue and somehow the abuser does anything to hurt anyone."

"You're wrong" Helena said "Your father really changed for good and I want you to give him a chance"

"No way!" Eddie said "You're acting like you really want to be his slave for the rest of your..."

"***distortional voice*** _**EDWARD LEONARD WALKER DO NOT TAKE ME FOR SOME FOOLISH AND WEAK WOMAN**_!" Helena exclaimed as Gandalf in that scene from _Lord of the Rings: the Fellowship of the Ring_, making Eddie shake in fear "_**HE IS NOT TRYING TO HURT YOU**_!" She took a breath to calm down "He's trying to be nice to you and your sister. In fact: he already did that when he was your coach. You must let your pain go"

"Okay, mother" Eddie said "I'll do it for you"

"That's my boy" Helena praised kissing his forehead, but Eddie was still doubtful.

Meanwhile, in the Griffins' house; the family was watching TV.

_And we're back with 'Godzilla: With Commentaries'_

**TV Cutaway**

It shows the infamous scene where they make a mountain of fishes as bait for Godzilla.

"That's a lot of fish" Dr. Nick said.

_Matthew Broderick: God, that was a terrible line. What I was thinking?_

**TV Cutaway's end**

"Hey guys, you wanna know how was Matt Kennedy's magic show?" Meg asked.

"Sure, honey" Peter said.

"Okay: first, he took out a rabbit from his hat, then..." Meg explained.

"Second thought: I don't wanna know..." Peter said.

_We interrupt this movie for some breaking news._

**TV Cutaway**

"Yesterday in Quahog's lake, they found out that the water level has severely dropped...in fact, plummeted to zero." " Tom explained "Our Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa is on the scene right now"

Tricia was in the lake reporting the situation. There were geologists checking out in the background.

"Tom, I interviewed some witnesses about what happened" Tricia said as a traumatized Susan was next with her "At least...a crazy teenage girl standing next to me"

"I swear to God there was a disgusting alien eating my boyfriend's face!" Susan screamed "Then a spaceship abducted him! YOU GOTTA BELIEVE ME!"

"Wow, this girl should be in a mental institution" Tom commented "Just like women should be..."

**TV Cutaway's end**

"That looks cool, can we go see it?" Chris asked.

"I don't know, Chris" Lois answered, doubt ridden in her voice, "The girl seemed really freaked out"

"Come on, Lois' Peter said "It's quality spending time with our children. Even more so that we get to know more about aliens"

"Are you guys still going to the Parental Classes?" Meg asked, a bit suspicious.

"Nah, not since I accidentally burned down the building" Peter said.

**Flashback**

The community center was burning down.

"Well, at least I still have my marihuana" Mr. Evergreen said.

But Peter appeared, carrying bags of marihuana.

"Thanks for the weed, Mr. Evergreen" Peter thanked.

**Flashback's end**

Aliens, huh?" Stewie asked.

Stewie stood up and went to his room while Brian followed him.

"What's going on, Stewie?" Brian asked.

"These aliens must be extremely intelligent, Brian" Stewie answered, going to his secret laboratory "We're going to find them"

"You're not taking that girl's words seriously, are you?" Brian asked.

"Then how do you explain the dry lake?" Stewie asked.

"I don't know, Global Warming, underground miners, Dick Cheney?" Brian asked.

"Put on this suit, we're gonna dressed up like FBI agents" Stewie said giving him a blue formal suit.

Stewie also put on the his as he 'suit up' with his most sophisticated high-tech weapons, in the outside chance that violence might be required.

"You know what's the difference between you and me?" Brian asked already wearing the suit and he puts on his sunglasses "I make this look cool"

"***face palm*** Oh god, I can't believe you said it wrong" Stewie said, already ashamed.

"Why? it's from _Men in Black_" Brian said.

"Yes, but when Will Smith say it, it sounds cool and sexy" Stewie said with a dreamy tone in the words 'cool' and 'sexy' "But if somebody else say it, it sounds really lame"

"You're gonna bitch about every catchphrase I say, aren't you?" Brian asked.

"Somebody has to do it" Stewie answered "Anyway, remember Helena Walker?"

"Eddie's mom?" Brian asked.

"I found out she's a secret agent" Stewie answered.

"A secret agent?" Brian asked "That's ridiculous"

"I used the Memory Reading helmet to read the Fat Man's mind and I found out they both thwarted this sinister plot in Paris." Stewie explained "I used a camera fly to follow Helena and find her secret base so I can spy on them"

"Wow, I never thought she was a spy" Brian said "But what does she have to do with the aliens?"

"Her chief knows about the spaceship too and he's looking for some 'alien investigators'" Stewie explained "That's where we come in"

"Okay, let's do it" Brian taking out a very small gun "Might I suggest a bigger gun?"

"***facepalm*** Ugh, you used a quote from _Men in Black 2_" Stewie complained "NEVER use a quote from a crappy sequel!"

"Sorry" Brian apologized.

***BUZZ***

ROB-B is now filming Amy; she was on the apartment's rooftop.

"Hey, hey, hey, Amy Walker saying 'hi' here!" Amy greeted "The impossible had happened: Eddie finally agreed to spend time with DADDY!"

ROB-B filmed Frank and Eddie ready to play 'catch the ball' with a baseball.

"After over 10 years, we can finally see father-son bonding time!" Amy said really excited.

"All right, Eddie. I'll throw it first" Frank said as he threw the ball and Eddie caught it with the baseball glove, "Excellent catch! Now, it's your turn!"

Eddie threw the ball so hard that it almost hit in Frank's groin.

"That was too close" Frank said.

"Damn it, I so close!" Eddie cursed, as he snapped his fingers.

"Why I'm not surprised?" Frank quipped.

"What does that suppose to mean?" Eddie asked, a bit offended.

"I made a lot of mistakes in the past and I understand why you hate me so much" Frank answered "But I won't give up until you forgive me"

He throws the ball and Eddie catches it.

"You know what, Frank? I get it" Eddie said "I totally get it"

"Really?" Frank asked.

"But first I want to tell you something: I've been doing a lot of reading, you know?" Eddie asked with a very cocky tone, "Something known as Darwinism, with subjects like evolution and natural selection and how like there's this one thing, right?"

"What thing?" Frank asked.

"It's called the apex predator" Eddie answered "And basically what it is that it is the strongest animal in the ecosystem, right? And as human beings, we're considered the apex predator because of weapons and stuff right? A lion doesn't feel guilty when it kills a gazelle. You don't feel guilty when you squash a fly... and I realized that it is something we can both relate to..."

"What do you mean for that?" Frank asked.

"You used to be one, an apex predator, until I took your place" Eddie said "That means I'm the lion and you're the gazelle..."

"You know what, Eddie? Stop it" Frank demanded "I know where you're going. You don't want me to be part of your life. I get it, I totally get it. But holding a grudge doesn't make you a better person"

These words made Eddie so angry, that he threw the ball so hard and Frank barely dodged it.

"I'm done" Eddie said, fiercely throwing his glove against the floor and he left the rooftop.

"Okay...I guess we should delete that scene and add it to the bonus features" Amy said.

***BUZZ***

Meanwhile...at the Legion of Doom-er, I mean aboard a boat in the middle of the sea, Helena was going to the island where the secret base was hidden. This 'business trip' she spoke of was nothing more than an cover-up to take on her next mission. Soon, she arrived at the headquarters and was now in D's office

"Agent Dawn Star 777 reporting, sir" Helena said.

"So good to see you" D said "You didn't bring your fat friend, did you?"

"Not this time" Helena answered "What's the situation?"

"Do you believe in aliens?" D asked.

"Well..."

"Then you'll believe after seeing this" D said showing Helena on a big screen a photo of the spaceship kidnapping Anthony "One of our undercover agents in America took a photo of this spaceship last night"

"I watched it on the news" Helena said "I thought the girl was suffering from paranoia."

"Well, obviously it isn't. But the thing is that we don't know if whether or not if they're a threat; we never dealt with such an unknown entity" D said.

"You want me to find the spaceship and make contact with the 'alien', I presume?" Helena asked.

"Of course, but if you're going to do that, you will require the help of these men" D said, as he then gestured behind Helena, "You can come on in!"

The men came in: it was Brian and Stewie dressed as 'Men in Blue'. But they used hologram disguises to make Helena and D believe they're both human adults.

"Good evening, everyone" Stewie greeted.

"ETI at your service" Brian said showing off his (fake) ID.

"ETI?" Helena asked.

"'Extra-Terrestrial Investigators" Stewie answered.

"You three will be going in undercover as bodyguards to investigate the place" D said.

"Bodyguards?" Helena asked.

Then an ordinary guy appeared: he's brunette, he has a mustache, he wears a white shirt over a yellow vest, beige pants and brown shoes.

"Hello, my name is Earl-"

"Oh, you mean the guy from that one show with the list and all?" Stewie asked, breaking character for a moment.

"No, I am here to ensure the safety of the people as we study these extra-terrestrial beings." Earl explained.

"He's an actor we hired to distract people while you guys investigate these aliens" D said "Good luck, every-"

Then his red phone rang.

"Hello?" D asked.

Sir, turn on the the screen!

D turned on the screen to see one of his agents, who was posted at Quahog's lake.

"The weather is drastically changing!" the agent said "I have a bad feeling about this!"

Meanwhile, Frank and Amy were looking for Eddie.

"Where did your brother go?" Frank asked.

"I don't know..." Amy said until she saw through the window the clouded sky "Daddy, looks like it's gonna rain"

"If Eddie is not here, he must be outside" Frank said "We gotta-"

***THUNDER***

"AAAAAH!" Amy screamed as she quickly hid under the kitchen's table.

"Amy, are you okay?" Frank asked.

"Thunders are scary" Amy answered "It's like God is mad at us and he wants to hurt us"

"Don't worry, sweetie, thunders don't strike twice" Frank said.

***THUNDER***

"AAAAAAAAHHH!" Amy screamed, louder "God is gonna kill us!"

"Calm down honey, ah...I got it!" Frank said having an idea "When I was a kid, I was scared of thunders too and my dad used to sing me a song"

"It works?" Amy asked.

"Let's give it a shot" Frank answered, "***singing*** _When you hear the sound of thunder, don't you get too scared. Just grab your thunder buddy, and say these magic words: "Get lost, thunder! You can kiss my butt! You can't get me thunder, 'cause you're just God's farts!_"

***blow raspberries***

"***laughing*** God's farts, that's funny!" Amy said, no longer scared.

"Okay, now let's find your brother" Frank said.

"What about lightning?" Amy asked.

ROB-B revealed he has a lightning rod on his head.

"Wow, how many functions does this robot have?" Frank asked.

"I know, he's supposed to be an ecologist robot" Amy said "But Zack said he can do anything"

**Flashback**

Cody uses ROB-B's controller to use ROB-B's functions. ROB-B can be used as a microwave to cook his burrito.

"Cool!" Cody praised as he used another function, this time he can shoot a laser beam "Even more cool!" and finally he can turn ROB-B into a car.

***transforming sound***

"That's not new at all..." Cody said unimpressed.

**Flashback's end**

Frank and Amy called Axel for help to find Eddie.

"Thanks for helping us out, Axel" Frank thanked.

"Don't sweat it, Frank, I am always glad to help out a friend." Axel said "But honestly, I think your son is a complete a-hole. You saw how he acted towards you."

"I know, but trust me, Axel, I hadn't given up on him" Frank said "Just like Amy didn't give up when you thought I was a pedophile."

"You had to remind me..." Axel said "It's bad enough that I was beaten up by your chipmunk-pitched daughter, no offense, Amy..."

"None taken." Amy nodded.

"But my therapist doesn't seem to get the concept of making me feel better." Axel said.

**Flashback**

Axel was having therapy with Bruce the Performance Artist.

"Okay, I think I know the way to overcome the fact that a young teen girl kicked your ass" Bruce said.

"How?" Axel asked.

"Say hello to Patty Pissy Panties" Bruce said taking out a blonde doll (it had goldilocks and wears a pink dress) as he pulled up its sting to make it talk.

"My panties are wet!" Patty said.

"Are you kidding me?" Axel asked unimpressed.

"I know this is gonna be hard for you, but just look at her" Bruce said "She doesn't wanna hurt you" he pulled up the sting agin.

"Can you change my underwear?" Patty asked.

A few minutes later, outside the room, a loud 'boom' sound was made, as Axel walked out of the room, with his shotgun slunged on his shoulder whistling...then Bruce was screaming, "OH MY GOD, WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO PATTY PISSY PANTIES?!"

**Flashback's end**

Then they found a crowd observing the dry lake.

"What the hell?" Axel asked.

The three got out of the car to see what's going on. Coincidentally, they found the Griffins.

"Hey, Frank, hey Axel" Peter greeted.

"Hi, Peter" Frank returned the greeting "We're looking for Eddie"

"Oh, your son?" Peter asked "He's making out with my daughter near the 'do not cross' tape.

Meg and Eddie are making out, just as Peter said.

"I always wanted to do it in a dangerous place" Meg said.

"Wow. Never had I thought Eddie could be gutsy and a f*cking moron at the same time." Axel commented drily.

"Eddie!" Frank called.

"FRANK?!" Eddie asked surprised as they both lost balance and they rolled off the dry lake.

"MEG!" Lois called.

"We're okay, Mom!" Meg said.

"We're shouldn't be here, we must-" Eddie said until he was interrupted by the wind.

They both looked at the sky and something was slowly descending...it was the spaceship that Susan saw last night. Everybody was staring at the enormous flying machine. Inside of the spaceship, there's a screen with with arrows pointing at Meg and Eddie. Then a kind of 'eye' opened and started charging.

"Ho-ly...SH*T!...RUN!" Eddie said as they ran back up to the crowd.

"Kids, are you okay?" Lois asked.

"Guys, check out that thing!" Peter said completely astonished "This is AWESOME!"

"Peter, we don't know what that thing is" Lois said "It could be dangerous!"

"Come on, Lois, how bad it could possibly be" Peter asked.

***BEAM***

A light beam disintegrated a random guy, leaving his clothes.

***people screaming***

"You had to say it, didn't you, Peter?" Axel quipped.

"Okay, you convinced me, TO THE CAR!" Peter said as the Griffins dashed to the car.

Eddie wanted to come with them, but he was stopped by Frank.

"Eddie, thank god I found you" Frank said.

"Get off me, Frank!" Eddie said angrily "I'm going with my girlfriend's family!"

"Son, I promised your mother that you and your sister will be safe" Frank said "We must stick together"

"Please, bro'!" Amy begged.

Eddie was doubtful, but after seeing the spaceship charging again, he had no choice.

"Okay, how did you guys get here?" Eddie asked.

"Hey, Wimpy Walker!" Axel asked already in the Impala "You're coming or not?"

"Come on, not him!" Eddie complained, "Really, God? You couldn't have my bastard father be friends with someone else?"

**Cutaway**

"HEY! I don't give a rat's ass about atheists, if they don't believe in me, then it's their loss!" God yelled down at Eddie.

**Cutaway end**

"What is your deal with him?" Frank asked.

"I don't trust people who have lack of moral, and doesn't blink when it comes to killing." Eddie answered.

"Well, I don't trust guys who like _My Little Pony_, especially those who enjoys dressing up as a woman" Axel replied.

"He got you on that there, bro'" Amy said.

***BEAM***

More people were evaporated, leaving nothing, but their clothes.

"Let's go!" Frank said.

And so both families and an Everett in their respective cars were fleeing from the spaceship. The giant death machine continued disintegrating people all over the city: in the streets...

"Give me all your money, grandma!" the burglar demanded to an old lady.

***BEAM***

The burglar was disintegrated.

In clothing departments...

"Do you have these shoes in red? a woman asked.

"Of course, give me a second" the female clerk answered as she left for the shoes.

***BEAM***

"Here you go-where did you go?..." she realized the customer was gone.

Even in a Justin Bieber concert.

Bieber:

_Baby, baby, baby, oooohh_

***BEAM***

He was evaporated too.

**(A/E: TAKE THAT YOU F*CKING BRAT! I loved how Peter kicked his ass in 'Lois Comes Out of Her Shell', it was pure gold)**

The Griffins continued driving away, but the spaceship was on their tail, firing nearly accurate shots.

"They're not stopping!" Lois screamed.

"Don't worry Lois, here's a maneuver that I learned from Jackass" Peter said, turning the steering wheel so hard that he made the car crashed against a tree. Fortunately, the Griffins survived due to airbags. The Walkers stopped the Impala to get out and help them.

"Guys, are you alright?" Frank asked.

"We're fine" Lois said "PETER, WHAT THE HELL?!"

"Really, Peter? You tried to pull a Jackass stunt? There's only three kinds of people who can do that: Me, professionals, and jackasses." Axel explained, shaking his head.

"Hey, at least we're safe from the a-"

***BEAM***

Peter was gone.

***everybody gasped***

"OH MY GOD!" Lois screamed of terror.

"Everybody, get into the Impala!" Axel ordered.

Lois and Chris tried to follow them, but...

***BEAM***

They were both gone too.

"MOM! CHRIS!" Meg screamed.

Then the spaceship pointed at her and she just stared at it.

"MEG! COME ON!" Eddie called her, but she didn't listen.

The spaceship charged the beam again. Meg just looked at Eddie for the last time.

"I love you..." Meg whispered waving her hand.

"MEG! NOOOOOOOOOO!" Eddie screamed.

***BEAM***

In slow-motion, the beam fired at her and disintegrated her, leaving nothing but her clothes. Eddie fell down in knees and cried over his 'apparently dead' girlfriend's clothes. Frank rushed over to him.

"Son, we must go" Frank said taking him to the car, Eddie too traumatized to resist.

Once in the Impala, they drove away from the spaceship. For some reason, the spaceship stopped shooting beams and turned invisible.

"Where are we going?" Amy asked.

"Rose Farms, I asked Katie to use one of her barns to store my weapons." Axel answered "We should be safe from the aliens there."

Frank looked at his son as he continued crying on Meg's hat. He was devastated by his girlfriend's horrible death.

Meanwhile, Meg was unconscious in an unknown place. She slowly opened her eyes and she found herself in a completely white high-tech room. She was lying on a table.

"Where am I?" Meg asked as she realized she was in her underwear "And where the hell are my clothes?!"

She was monitored by white aliens (they look like the Kaminoians from _Star Wars Episode II: the Attack of the Clones_). One of them called his leader.

"Captain, one of our specimens has awakened" the white alien said.

In the deck, there's the captain of the spaceship, watching the destruction below.

"Excellent...let's the interrogations commence." the captain ordered

_Yes, captain_

Inside the spaceship; all the people of Quahog who were shot by the beam...were actually abducted. Then in another room, there's a sleepy Anthony, rolling in pain.

"Meg...ah...Meg..." Anthony said, gripping his stomach as if something was growing within him...and truth be told, there is something growing inside of him.

**To be continued...**

**(A/E: Okay, maybe I'm being too cruel to Anthony. Originally I wanted to do it with Quagmire, but Quagmire fans would really kill me)**


	24. Daedalus and Icarus, part 2

**Chapter 24: Daedalus and Icarus, part 2**

_Previously on Family Guy: OC Universe..._

...

The creature sprung out four tentacles from its body and lunged onto Anthony's face.

"*horrified muffling* (HELP! HELP!)" Anthony begged.

""AAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Susan screamed like a girl in a horror movie.

...

"But the main thing I want is for you to stop being a grudge-holding bitch to your father!" Axel said.

"Get lost! I don't need you giving me crap about my family!" Eddie said.

...

"Hey, everyone" Frank greeted.

"DADDY!" Amy cheered hugging him.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Eddie asked outraged.

"Does this mean he's coming back to live with us?" Amy asked very excited.

"The best I can do is to give him a chance" Helena answered.

"I don't need a babysitter and much less HIM!" Eddie said very angry going back to his room.

...

"These aliens must be extremely intelligent, Brian" Stewie answered, going to his secret laboratory "We're going to find them"

The men came in: it was Brian and Stewie dressed as 'Men in Blue'. But they used hologram disguises to make Helena and D believe they're both human adults.

...

Meg and Eddie looked at the spaceship slowly descending, following the destructive invasion that evaporated so many people, including the Griffins.

"I love you..." Meg whispered, waving her hand.

"MEG! NOOOOOOOOOO!" Eddie screamed.

***BEAM***

...

"Where am I?" Meg asked waking up inside of the spaceship.

...

**TV Cutaway**

The logo of Channel 5 appeared, revealing Tom Tucker and Joyce Kinney of the news...although the studio was half-destroyed.

"Good evening...I'm Tom Tucker" Tom greeted somewhat tired.

"And I'm Joyce Kinney..." Joyce greeted, also tired.

"Yesterday...Quahog suffered one of the most...catastrophic disasters that this city has ever witnessed..." Tom explained "Tricia..."

Tricia was in the city's outskirts reporting the situation. So many people are evacuating the city with the army escorting them.

"Tom, It's unknown how these aliens appeared on our planet and how they disappeared a day after" Tricia Takanawa explained "But so many lives were lost by the sudden invasion"

"WHY?!" Some random guy dramatically screamed...because of his empty bottle of water "Why did I finish my bottle of water too soon?"

"Most of the people brought their camping tents, food and survival supplies, and all the necessities they need while they're looking for a safe place to stay during this disaster." Tricia said as Earl was next with her "The man standing next to me is Mr. Earl"

"Good evening, citizens. As you must know: my job is keeping the citizens safe" Mr. Earl said "Thank god, the army hadn't resorted to violence yet. The last thing we want is a full-blown war if these guys come back..."

"Mr. Earl, what do you mean 'if they come back'?" Tricia asked.

"Mr. Earl won't answer anymore questions" Brian said, disguised as a human bodyguard.

"Yeah, piss off, bitch" Stewie (also disguised) ordered.

**TV Cutaway's end**

Meanwhile, in the spaceship; Meg was in an empty high-tech room looking around.

"I feel like I'm in a Sci-Fi movie" Meg said, as the door opened up and two white aliens entered, "AH! WHO ARE YOU?! WHY DID YOU BRING ME HERE?!"

"One question at the time, human" White Alien #1 told.

"Wait...you speak english?" Meg asked.

"We had been studying your planet long enough to learn your language" White Alien #2 answered "We are under orders from my captain to extract information regarding your world."

"If you want to know how to destroy Earth, you are wasting your time, I don't know a goddamn thing!" Meg said.

"We are not looking for the destruction of your planet, human" White Alien #1 said.

"Stop calling me 'human', I have a name: MEG GRIFFIN!" Meg said, having enough of these aliens.

"Meg?" White Alien #2 asked.

"You must be the thing that the other specimens kept mentioning" White Alien #1 said.

"Wait, other specimens?" Meg asked.

"Two morbidly obese males and a good-looking female" White Alien #1 answered.

"That's my family!" Meg replied "Did you abduct my family too?! You must take me to them!"

"I guess we should let you see your 'family'" White Alien #1 said.

"Follow us, Meg" White Alien #2 ordered.

"God, this is worse than when I opened Dad's 'secret box'" Meg said.

**Flashback**

Meg found an old box in the attic. She opened it and an orange ghost with yellow eyes came out.

"AAAAAHHHH!" Meg screamed of horror.

But then Luigi appeared from nowhere and used his vacuum to capture the ghost.

"Luigi?" Meg asked.

"Just doing my job" Luigi said "And wondering why everybody hates my game"

"Because Mario is not in it?" Meg asked "He's only in a few scenes?"

"*sarcastically* Oh yeah, Mario was always the favorite game icon" Luigi said "Nobody appreciates Luigi!"

"I know that feeling...hey, maybe we can hang out sometimes" Meg said.

"***nerveously*** Ah...sorry, I caught enough ghosts for today" Luigi replied as he leaves.

**Flashback's end**

Meg continued following the aliens until they finally reached a room.

"Here we are" White Alien #1 said opening the door.

Meg finally found her family safe and sound. Just like her, they were in their underwear.

"MEG!" Lois cheered.

"GUYS!" Meg cheered as she hugged her mom "I thought you were dead!"

"Me too" Peter said "Wait, if you're here...I MUST BE IN HELL!"

"PETER!" Lois scolded him.

"***laughing*** I was kidding! Come on guys!" Peter said as everybody angrily stared at him "Okay, I'll shut up..."

"Okay, now that we're all together, can you please send us back to Earth?" Meg asked.

"I'm afraid that's not possible." White Alien #1 said.

"Please, we promise we won't tell anyone!" Lois begged.

"Our captain will not allow us to let you go" White Alien #2 said.

"Then let us talk to your captain" Lois told.

"I guess he didn't say anything about letting you talk to him" White Alien #1 said.

"Okay, you can talk to our captain" White Alien #2 said.

"Thank you very much" Lois thanked "I always knew there were very kind aliens"

**Cutaway**

Roger was drinking a martini in the kitchen as he suddenly suffered from a headache.

"Ow..." Roger grunted.

"What's wrong, Roger?" Klaus asked.

"I think some bitch said there were 'very kind aliens'" Roger said "I need to get it off my mind."

Then Roger slapped Klaus's bowl fish off of the table, prompting Klaus to fall out of his bowl, flailing around and choking, like a typical 'fish out of water'.

"GAH, ROGER, YOU SON OF A BITCH...!" Klaus yelled.

"***relaxing sigh*** That's better" Roger said.

**Cutaway's end**

***BUZZ***

ROB-B's camera turned on and it's recording Frank. He was in a barn with Axel, Amy and Eddie.

"Hi...my name is Frank Walker..." Frank greeted "Approximately 7 hours ago, some... things attacked the city. I don't know what it is. If you found this tape, then it means if you're watching this right now, then you probably know more about this own damn incident than I do. I'm here in the barn with my friend Axel..."

"Sup'" Axel greeted nonchalantly, as he was cleaning out his Ragnarok.

"My daughter Amy..." Frank said.

"Hi..." Amy greeted shaking in fear.

"And my son Eddie...wait, where's your brother?" Frank asked to Amy.

"He's still agonizing the death of his ugly girlfriend, standing i the rain like he was in a depressing movie or a music video" Axel answered.

The camera then turned around, as it showed Eddie outside, crying in the rain. Frank approached him to comfort him; ROB-B followed him.

"Eddie! What are you doing in the rain?" Frank asked.

"Leave me alone!" Eddie shouted him, still heartbroken.

"You're gonna catch a flu if you stay in the rain!" Frank warned.

"Why do you care?!" Eddie asked, angrily "You always treated me and my mother like crap!"

"I promised your mother to protect you and your sister! Why can't you give me a chance?" Frank asked.

"Can I tell you in numbers?" Eddie asked "Two: the number of juvenile halls I've been sent to! Three: the number of months I've spent hospitalized! And FIVE: the number of YEARS I spent, not being able to see my mom and sis!"

"Look, maybe this is my fault..." Frank said.

"IT IS YOUR FAULT!" Eddie replied "My childhood was destroyed because of you! All because you never seen me as a REAL man! Well, now I'm gonna show you!"

He takes off his shirt.

***female audience cheering***

**(A/E: SHUT UP!)**

"Come on, fight!" Eddie demanded.

"Eddie, I don't wanna fight you" Frank said.

"I said FIGHT!" Eddie shouted pushing him.

"Eddie, please, stop!" Frank demanded.

"STOP? DID YOU STOP WHEN I ASKED FOR IT?!" Eddie asked giving him a punch in the face "DID YOU STOP WHEN I WAS BLEEDING AND BEGGING FOR MERCY?!" he punched him again.

"Eddie, I know what I did was wrong, I really do!" Frank grunted in pain, as Eddie continue to punch him, "I can still make things right! We can still be a family!"

"No! It is far too late for that, FRANK!" He screamed, "Now...after so long...I am going to make you hurt..."

"Son...please..." Frank begged.

"I'm...the Apex Predator..." Eddie whispered.

Eddie is about to hit Frank once more, when Axel suddenly appeared and grabbed it.

"Eddie, what the hell are you doing?" Axel asked, having enough of Eddie's bitching "Don't you see your father is pouring his heart out to you?! The least you could do is give him another chance!"

"NO! IT IS HIS FAULT THAT MY LIFE HAD GONE DOWNHILL!" Eddie shouted.

"No, it is YOUR OWN FAULT!" Axel corrected "You could have ignored and better yet, stand up to your father when he was a bastard, no offense, Frank..."

"None taken" Frank said.

"But you didn't" Axel continued "You let him influence you into becoming a bully! Everything bad that had happened to you, juvie, the Passion of the Christ scene rip-off, every single thing you did to Meg...it wasn't Frank's fault, it never was...because from where I stand, the only one to blame here...is you"

Eddie angrily growled and yanked his fist out of his hand.

"Well, since my dad is going to be a damn coward, why don't you fight me instead?!" Eddie asked.

"Because I had done my calculations the moment I first met you, you have no chance of defeating me" Axel said.

"Then I guess I will have to prove him wrong!" Eddie said, as he threw another punch at him.

But Axel caught that fist as well...

"Oh, that was a very bad decision, Edward..." Axel sinisterly stated.

He threw Eddie back, as he then ripped off his hoodie and jacket and threw it to Frank, showing off his well-toned and scarred body.

***Loud female cheering***

**(A/N: Ladies, please! I know you love him, but you're gonna break the cameras with your loud screams!)**

"Hold my jacket, Frank, things are about to get messy." The hunter explained.

Eddie gave a growl as he charged at Axel, throwing punches and kicks at him, but the hunter simply outmatched him in both strength and skills, as he dodged and block every single one of his attacks. Then Axel retaliated with a kick to the stomach...

"GAH!" Eddie groaned in pain.

Then Axel follows it up with a uppercut, sending him into the air...

"OH!" Eddie gasped.

And as a coup de grace, Axel leaped up into the air with him, and with a simple grab of Eddie's leg, Axel flunged him into the ground, causing mud to splash as Eddie tried to get up, but Axel pinned him down with his foot.

"Listen you f*cking dick-head: I had more than enough of your bitching" Axel growled "So your girlfriend is dead, get the hell over it! The only thing you can do is avenge her death. If we are going to stop these psuedo-_War of the Worlds_ bastards, we need to do this as a team! So, you can either continue to be a big whining bitch who blames the world for his pain, or you can finally man up and help us! Do I make myself clear?!"

Eddie gave a growl...but he knew that he was right.

"Crystal..." Eddie agreed.

"STOP, AXEL!" Amy screamed "Hurting him won't bring my Chris back!"

"It's okay, sis'..." Eddie said, getting back up "I deserved it..."

"Axel, you know more about weapons than any of us" Frank said "You must teach us how to use them to fight the aliens!"

"I'll be honest with you guys: I never fought against aliens, so I am far out of my comfort zone." Axel admitted, "But as my old grandpappy, Chuck 'Mammoth' Everett, once said, 'when in doubt, unleash the strongest weapons you have in your arsenal'...but the question remains, do you think you can handle them?""

Frank and Eddie gave an unsure glance when suddenly...

"Hey, guys, look!" Amy said.

They saw several Quahog families camping.

"What are they doing here?" Eddie asked.

"Let's check it out" Frank answered.

They went to the camp zone where they found Mr. Earl and his two bodyguards (Brian and Stewie).

"Excuse me, what's all this?" Frank asked.

"Hello, I'm Mr. Earl" Mr. Earl greeted "My job is keeping these people safe from the aliens"

"Don't you think it's too dangerous here?" Frank asked..

"Nonsense, people are safe here" Earl answered.

"What if the aliens attack us again?" Frank asked.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Earl won't answer any questions" Brian answered.

"Hey, your voice seems very familiar" Frank said.

"Yeah...just like Brian...come to think of it, I hadn't seen him or the football head baby before this whole mess started." Axel explained, as he eyed Brian suspiciously.

"Piss off, you man-stealing whore!" Stewie barked, as he shoved Axel and the others away.

"What?!" Axel and Brian asked in shock.

"I mean, piss off, you..." Stewie gives a nervous gulp, before angrily finishing, "Just piss off!"

Then Helena (who was scanning the area) saw her family and Axel and hid behind a tree. Feeling a bit nervous, she called her chief.

"Chief?" Helen asked.

The screen was divided to show D.

"What's wrong?" D asked "Did you find the spaceship?"

"No, but my family is here" Helena said "If they find me, they'll know my secret"

"So? Use the Memory Modify Device we gave you to erase their memory!" D said.

"No, I can't keep this secret any longer" Helena said "I don't want [them be] to put them in danger"

"Agent Star, if you do that, you'll risk our organization's..."

"I'm sorry, I'm losing signal" Helena said, making false buzzing sounds, before turning off the radio.

"Agent Star, I'm warn-"

***phone off***

Meanwhie, in the spaceship, the Griffins were escorted to the captain's deck to meet him personally. They eventually arrived at the deck, where they saw a alien just like the others, but taller and he's wearing a blue outfit with a cape.

"Welcome, humans" the captain greeted with a very gloomy voice "My name is Kami of Xenosis, captain of the USS Yavin"

"Hello, I'm Lois Griffin and this is my family" Lois said "Listen, we were hoping that you can send us back to Earth"

"Send you back? The experiments have not even started yet." Captain Kami said "We are here for a very important mission: to birth a new species via the method of cross-breeding of two different races."

In a laboratory; several Xenosians are shelving several creatures like the one that was attached on Anthony's face.

_We've explored several planets to collect specimens and create new ones via cross-breeding. In doing that, we hope to create new species to unite all the species of the galaxy to create universal peace._

"Let me get this straight, you guys want us to have sex with alien animals, so we can all live like hippies?" Peter asked.

The captain gives a blank stare, and said: "Yes...just like hippies."

Peter paused for a moment...before nonchalantly answering: "Okay, sign me up."

"PETER!" Lois scolded him "Look, captain, we're flattered that you want us to contribute to achieving universal peace and all, but we don't wanna be part of your experiments, it's just...wrong...and disgusting"

Why don't you guys mate with these animals?" Meg asked "Wouldn't it be easier?"

"Our blood is pure, we only mate with our own race" Captain Kami stated, "Besides, we had already performed our first cross-breeding with one of your kind"

He turned on the screen to show Anthony writhing in agony.

"***gasp*** ANTHONY?!" Meg yelled in surprise.

"You know this human?" Captain Kami asked.

"No" Meg answered.

"He was Meg's perfectly normal boyfriend until I made fun of Lois's age and she made out with him" Peter answered.

"You had to remind me, didn't you, Peter?" Lois asked, very annoyed.

"Apparently this human was saying your name, too." Captain Kami said.

"But why him?" Meg complained, "Of all the guys I had dated, why did it have to be him?! Why not Neil? He always had the dream to travel through space like those douchebags from Star Trek"

"You know, I haven't say 'shut up, Meg' for a while now, so...shut up, Meg" Peter said.

**(A/E: Wait, you mean to tell me all this time, you had never said it all series, and the only one that did say it was Axel?!)**

"Shut up, Meg's fan!" Peter shouted, "What can't you be cool like Axel's creator, Shen's General?!"

"Looks like the human wishes to be in your presence" Captain Kami said.

"Come on, Meg, maybe if you do this, he'll let us go" Lois said.

"***sighs*** Fine..." Meg reluctantly agreed as she was escorted by the scientists to Anthony's room.

_Captain!_

"What is it, Alphous?" Captain Kami asked through the communicator.

_We had found more earthlings, sleeping on the green ground._

"Can you use the teleport lasers to transport them onto the ship?" Captain Kami asked.

_Negative, the teleport lasers are suffering from major malfunctions...even worse so, our entire ship is on the fritz ever since we entered the atmosphere. Spaceship's energy is at 61%_

"Then we will have to disembark from our ship and gather them ourselves." Captain Kami said "Use the exoskeleton suits and fetch us more specimens."

_Yes, captain._

"Oh my god, they're not gonna send us back!" Lois screamed.

"Okay, I am really freaking out right now!" Chris said.

"So...when do we start having sex?" Peter asked as Lois angrily stared at him "What?"

Back on Earth; Axel showed Frank and his children his arsenal.

""These are my boys and girls," Axel said, as he pulled up a pistol, "Claridge Hi-Tech, semi-automatic, 10mm pistol; enough power to make even the mighty Clint Eastwood quiver in fear," he puts it down and grabbed a shotgun, "M27 shotgun, pump action, a personal favorite of Solid Snake" he puts it down and grabbed another weapon, "A taser gun, commonly used by policemen to short-circuit street racers' vehicles and as a paranoid woman's defense against rapists. Enough juice to kill a man" he puts it down "And I'll tell you something: size does matter" he grabbed a machine gun "M256 7.37 Minigun, six individual barrels; the Mexicans call it 'El Tío Machete'" he puts it down, "And one of my personal favorite: the Red Dragon" he grabbed a flamethrower "We can fry aliens' testicles like eggs for breakfast"

"Wow, these weapons must be very expensive" Frank said, "Not to mention hard to get. Where did you get them?"

"Oh, I have my methods..." Axel said...as he started to chuckle evilly...

**Flashback**

Axel was at a store of weaponry in an undisclosed loaction, as he was at checkout, "Okay, I would like to buy a dozen of AK-47s, two dozens of Desert Eagles, three dozens of grenades, a Dragunov sniper rifle, a Dragon flamethrower, a couple of RPG Launchers, three kegs of bullets, two kegs of shotgun shells, and a case of rockets, please." Axel read off a list as he had two carts of weapons and ammunitions in it.

"Would you like a red-dot sight scope with that?" The grocer asked.

"Would I...OF COURSE I WOULD!" Axel asked, shocked and annoyed.

**Flashback's end**

"I'll take the pistol and shotgun" Axel declared, as he cocks the guns, "Ragnarok and my personal Desert Eagle will be taking a backseat to this fight. Amy, you should use the taser gun. All the other weapons would be too much for you to handle."

"Okay..." Amy agreed.

"As for you, Frank, since you are well-built, you get the honor of wielding...the M256 7.37 Minigun!" Axel declared in a deep loud voice.

"Then I get the Red Dragon, right?" Eddie said.

"No way, Walker, you get...this" Axel said giving him a knife.

"What? I wanna toast an alien, not slice tomatoes!" Eddie said.

"Respect my authority or I'll slice you like a tomato" Axel warned "ROB-B, you get the Red Dragon"

"ROB-B!" ROB-B cheered.

"Okay guys, ***gun cocking*** It is time to bring down the giants!" Axel said.

"Great, he thinks he's the new Arnold Schwarzenegger" Eddie commented drily.

"I don't know, he did really good action movies" Frank said "They were crappy, no doubt, but enjoyable"

"Do you know he had a bastard child with one his maids?" Eddie asked "His divorce was brutal"

"Ouch" Frank said.

Suddenly, they heard a loud sound, as the ground started shaking.

"What the hell?" Axel said.

Axel and the others came out with their weapons armed, as people started looking at the sky. Descending from the sky once more, the spaceship had returned. People screamed in fear as they attempt to vacate the area, in hopes of not getting evaporated. However, as soon as the ship was close to the ground, three robotic entities leapt out of the ship, causing craters when they landed on the ground...then their glowing eyes eyed the group...

"Oh dear, those are what the aliens look like?!" Amy asked, clearly scared.

"Oh please, they don't even look scary!" Axel scoffed.

"Whatever, they're gonna pay for killing my Meg!" Eddie said raising his knife "***War scream***"

"Damn it, Eddie, WAIT!" Axel said.

The aliens looked at Eddie oddly as the boy was charging at him...but one of them held up their right hand, as it started to spark with electricity...

"Oh no, BRO!" Amy screamed.

The scream came too late, as the hand discharges a blue bolt of electricity and hit Eddie square in the chest, and in seconds, Eddie immediately crumpled to the ground, unconscious, sparks leaping off his body.

"EDDIE!" Frank screamed.

"Oh no...no one pulls a 'Cole MacGrath' on my friends and get away with it! ATTACK!" Axel exclaimed, as he held up the M27, and started shooting at them.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Frank screamed, shooting with the machine gun.

"Give my big brother back, you meanie!" Amy cried, as she fired the tazers at them.

"ROB-B!" ROB-B screamed, as he unleashed the Red Dragon flamethrower upon them.

Unfortunately, their weapons were doing nothing to their armor, as bullets bounced off them, the fire didn't faze them...and the tasers only stuck them, not doing anything.

"Okay...this could be a problem." Axel quipped.

The aliens held up their electric palms and charged them as they began firing at them.

"FALL BACK!" Axel ordered, as the group tried to retreat back to the barn, Axel and Frank continuing to fire at them. But one of the alien's electrical bolt zapped Amy, causing the poor girl to fall unconscious as well..

"AMY!" Frank screamed.

The aliens were about to grab her...before ROB-B stood in front of them, using his flamethrower to fend them off...to no avail, as one of the alien zaps him as well.

"ROB-B!" Axel shouted.

One of the two robots picked the girl and the robot up and went back to the ship, leaving only Frank and Axel.

"SON OF A BITCH!" Frank yelled, as he charged at the sole robot with his minigun, unleashing all the bullets upon the sole robot...unfortunately, the robot only grabbed the barrel of the gun and crushed it, before flinging it aside, much to Frank's horror.

"HEY! I PAID GOOD MONEY FOR THAT MACHINE GUN!" Axel snarled...before the robot then zapped the horrified Frank..."Uh-oh."

The robot stared at Axel as it began firing more lightning bolts at him, Axel continuing to dodge them, retaliating with his shotgun...before it ran out.

"Oh come on, not now..." Axel growled as he flung the shotgun at the robot, only for the gun to be smashed aside by the mechanical menace, as Axel unleashed his entire catridge of bullets from his Claridge Hi-Tech...but there was no effect on the beast still. Soon, his pistol ran out.

"Aw crap...good thing I lied, and brought my Ragnarok and Desert Eagle anyways..." Axel chuckled as he pulled out his shotgun and pistol...before looking up and gasped...he was now surrounded by a fleet of the alien robots... "Well...to quote the greatest robot alive 1000 years from now...I'm boned." Axel fearfully gulped. The robots all fired their electric gaunlets at once...

Back on the ship; Meg was already in Anthony's room, ready to talk to him. He was still on the table in sheer agony: his skin was pale, his eyes pink and his veins purple. Meg was somewhat terrified by his appearance.

"Anthony?" Meg asked.

Anthony turned his head and saw Meg.

"Meg...?" Anthony asked "Is that you...?"

"Yes, it's me..." Meg answered "God, you look like sh*t"

"A snake...raped my mouth" Axel said "I think I'm gonna die..."

"It looks like it" Meg replied.

"You must be happy..." Anthony commented.

"What? Why would you say that?!"

"After what I did with your mom...I figured that you would think I deserve it" Anthony said.

"Yes...I MEAN, NO!" Meg said, somewhat confused "I mean, I don't know! I don't even remember how I came to forgive my mom for taking away the most normal guy I had ever met."

"Trust me...wanting a MILF...is not normal at all..." Anthony said as he started feeling a pain in his chest "Eh...AAAAAAH...!"

Anthony's body started violently shaking, his mouth was filling with blood and then...

***SPLASH***

A lot of blood splattered everywhere as a big worm-like alien came out from his chest. It was white, it has no eyes and it also two little arms and legs.

***alien cry***

Anthony died after 'giving birth' to the alien. Meg was REALLY horrified from what she saw. The baby alien felt Meg's presence and it was about to attack her. But Meg ran away from it, running out the room as she fumbled with the control panel for the door, pressing several buttons till it had finally closed, imprisoning the creature in the room. Suddenly, the Xenosian scientists appeared before her..

"Did you talk to your 'human friend'?" scientist Xenosian #1 asked.

He...died..." Meg said, really traumatized "Somehow...he gave birth to a baby alien..."

"Amazing, it worked, the cross-breeding was a complete success!" scientist Xenosian #2 said.

"But it doesn't even make sense!" Meg said "Only women can have babies!"

"Women? You mean human females like you?" scientist Xenosian #1 asked.

"Yes" Meg answered.

"Is it true that human females can breed better than males?" scientist Xenosian #2 asked.

"There's only one way to find out" scietist Xenosian #1 said.

They picked up Meg.

"Hey, put me DOWN!" Meg demanded.

But they took her away in order to make experiments on her.

Elsewhere, Eddie woke up, and found himself in a white room, and with him, Frank, Amy, Axel, and ROB-B.

"Guys, wake up!" Eddie ordered.

Everybody immediately woke up, with the exception of ROB-B, as his body began to make sounds similar to a computer starting, the Windows logo showing in the robot's eyes.

"Huh? Where are we?" Frank asked.

"We must be inside the spaceship" Eddie answered

"I'm sorry, guys, I guess these bastards were stronger than I thought." Axel apologized.

But suddenly the door opened, revealing another alien robot.

"OH NO!" Amy screamed.

"Back for round two, I see! Well, this time, I am not going to lose!" Axel bellowed, as he pulled out his Ragnarok and cocked it and aimed it at the robot.

But the alien robot's head opened up...revealing Earl.

"Mr. Earl?" Frank asked, totally confused.

"What a twist" Eddie said "DAMN IT, I used M. Night Shyamalan's quote!"

But the suit opened up more, revealing his three bodyguards, Brian, Stewie, and Helena…but for some odd reasons, Brian and Stewie weren't in their hologram disguises.

"We finally found you" Brian said with relief.

"Brian?" Frank asked.

"Uh...no, I'm not Brian, I'm..." Brian said until he realized his hologram disguise was broken "Oh crap..."

"What the f*ck is going on?" Axel asked.

"It's a long story..." Brian answered.

"Leave it to me, Brian" Stewie said "First off: Earl is not a real 'homeland security guy', he's just an actor"

"Holy prickles, look at this whole place!" Mr. Earl said amazed.

"We're secret agents on a mission to make contact with these aliens" Stewie said.

"How did you get in here?" Axel asked.

"It was easy..." Stewie said.

**Flashback**

We saw the fleet of robots taking you guys and seeing how my weapons are far superior than yours, I easily brought down one of them and took the suit to get into the ship.

Oh piss off, football-head!

Stewie pointed his ray gun at an alien robot.

***BLAST***

Stewie shot it and he and the rest took the suit, so they can gathered with the other aliens.

**Flashback's end**

"Who's that blonde woman?" Frank asked.

"It's me...Frank" Helena said, taking off her sunglasses and untying her pony tail.

"MOM?!" Eddie and Amy asked, really shocked.

"Wow, major Spy Kids moment there." Axel quipped.

"Wait, you are meaning to tell me…after all this time…you are a secret agent?" Frank asked, seemingly impressed "Explains all that ass-whooping you gave me."

"Well, I'm afraid my story is a lot longer and harder to explain." Helena answered.

***Meg screaming***

"Somebody's in danger" Brian said.

"We'll talk about it later, let's go!" Frank told.

The Xenosian scientists put Meg on a slab, with bounds for her arms and legs.

"Let me go, I don't wanna give birth to an alien baby!" Meg screamed.

"We are sorry, but your opinion does not really matter up here." Xenosian #1 said.

"The specimen #432 is ready for the cross-breeding" Xenosian #2 said carrying a centipede alien inside a capsule.

"Oh no, I'm gonna give birth to a Human Centipede!" Meg screamed in horror.

**(A/E: F*cking gross...)**

***BLAST***

The Xenosian #1 was shot by a laser blaster, followed by the Xenosian #2. Meg turned her head and saw the owner of the gun that killed the aliens, was Stewie.

"Come with us, if you wanna live" Brian said.

"***face palm*** Seriously? That's not even a _Men in Black_ quote!" Stewie said, already ashamed…before being hit by the butt of Axel's Ragnarok.

"Shut it, Stewie! If Brian wants to quote the awesome MIB, you can't do anything about it!" Axel said.

"MEG!" Eddie exclaimed happily.

"EDDIE!" Meg exclaimed, also happily as they both hugged and passionately kissed.

"I thought you were dead, my love" Eddie said.

"I thought so too, but I knew that I would see you again" Meg said.

"I hate to cut the nice heartwarming moment short, but we need to get the hell out of here!" Axel said.

"What about my family?! They're still on this ship!" Meg said "We have to find them" then she realized Eddie was staring at her body "EDDIE!"

"I'm sorry, but you look hotter in your underwear" Eddie apologized.

"You'll have plenty of time to do her, let's go!" Axel ordered.

Soon, our heroes began looking for the rest of the Griffin family...

Speaking of the Griffins, they were being held in the specimens' lab where more Xenosian scientists were choosing the alien creatures to breed with them.

"I can't believe they're actually doing this to us" Lois said.

"I want to lose my virginity, but not like this" Chris said.

"Excuse me, are you sure I can't choose the creature?" Peter asked "I don't want [a fat one] to do a fat chick"

"For the last time, we are trying to diversify, you simpleton fool." One of the scientists groaned "Besides, you should be grateful, because no one in their right mind would do-"

***BLAST***

The Xenosian creatures were shot by shotgun shells and laser blasts.

"GUYS!" Meg exclaimed.

"Meg, you're alive!" Lois cheered.

"Of course, I'm alive" Meg said "The author of this fic would never kill me off"

"Well, if I was the author..." Peter said

**(A/E: One more word and you're gonna suffer in the third season!)**

"Okay, fine!" Peter said annoyed "Geez..."

"We have to get out of here" Lois said.

"CHRIS!" Amy cheered, giving him a hug and kissing him so many times, that his face was covered with lipstick marks **(A/E: Yeah, this is going to be a running gag)**.

"Wow, I should get abducted more often" Chris said.

"No way in f*cking hell." Lois scolded "We have to get out of here"

"Yeah, I'm missing a new episode of Revolution" Peter said.

"You don't watch that show, Peter" Lois said.

"Just like a million viewers" Peter replied.

"Wait a minute," Axel said, taking out a grenade and pulling out the ring "GET BACK!"

He threw the grenade and everybody vacated the room.

***BOOM***

The room was destroyed and all the specimens died.

"Why did you do that?" Frank asked.

"It's gonna be difficult for these sickos to do their 'experiments' if they have nothing to crossbreed with us!" Axel said.

"Actually, he got a point" Lois said.

"Ya damn right, I got a point" Axel said "Now, let's get out of here"

"Axel, what about the people?" Brian asked "We can't leave them with these aliens"

"Good point, I guess we should 'negotiate' with the captain" Axel said.

"Wow, Axel is now using the diplomacy" Eddie said impressed.

"Then if the captain refuse, I blow his f*cking head off!" Axel added.

"Never mind" Eddie said, annoyed.

Meanwhile, on the main deck, Captain Kami received an emergency alert.

_Captain Kami, we found two dead scientists in Room #264_

"What?!" Captain Kami asked, shocked.

_We also found the lab of the specimens completely destroyed._

""No...how much energy is left remaining in the ship?" Captain Kami asked.

_32% and...wait, what is that thing? No, NOOOOO!_

***buzz***

"Alphous?" Kami asked.

The door was opened and our heroes confronted him.

"It's over, Marvin the Martian" Axel said, pointing at him with his Ragnarok "The spaceship is now under our control!"

"Why are you doing this?" Kami asked "We only wanted Universal Peace"

"Really, you call terrorizing us, kidnapping us, and having us raped by alien freaks, just to create more freaks 'peace'? Lois screamed angrily, "If so, then we don't want your peace!"

"Yes, all that you are doing is f*cked up!" Brian added.

"Okay, here's the deal: let my people go…" Axel demanded "And I might consider sparing your life."

Captain Kami didn't have a choice: his mission was now in ruin and right now, he is being threatened by a human boy.

"I commend your diplomatic skills, oh bold warrior..." Captain Kami said as he pulled down a lever that released all the citizens of Quahog.

Soon enough, people began to be released from their capsules.

"I'm alive!" Mayor West exclaimed "Wait, if that is true, then I must be a...ZOMBIE!" He screamed in horror as he began running away.

"Good, now send us back to Earth" Eddie said.

"Okay..." Captain Kami said.

***tumbling***

"What the...?" Frank asked.

***BANG***

They found out somebody was banging the door.

***BANG*** ***BANG***

The last banging destroyed the door and revealed a big and fierce red alien: it looks like a crab with a mantis's body. It also has no eyes.

***ROAR!***

"Jesus f*cking Christ…" Axel gasped.

"What is that thing?" Eddie asked.

"It looks familiar...oh god, it's the same creature that came out from Anthony's body!" Meg answered.

"Are you sure?" Lois asked.

"I am certain…but I don't get it, it was just a larva a moment ago" Meg said.

The red alien spit out Anthony's skeleton.

"Oh dear, it seems like it feeds off human flesh..." Captain Kami said.

"Well, isn't that just hunky-dory?!" Axel said sarcastically.

"You are...a beautiful...beautiful butterfly…" Kami said, beholding the creature "My mission was not all in vain...we can still make Universal Peace"

"Dude…I think he lost it" Stewie whispered to Brian.

"Hello, my name is Earl" Mr. Earl greeted the red alien "My job is keeping people..."

But the red alien grabbed Earl's head with his pincer and cut off his head spraying...white liquid?

***everybody gasped***

"He-he-hello, he-he-hello, he-he-hello..." Mr. Earl repeated, his voice now becoming static-like, apparently 'still alive'.

"Earl…was a robot?" Brian said.

"Our organization had enough money to create awesome gadgets and computers…yet they couldn't afford a simple actor?" Helena asked.

"You know? I realized this chapter is pretty f*cked up" Stewie said.

**(A/E: Well, sorry for trying to bring more _Alien_ references)**

"Well, stop doing it!" Stewie said.

"Guys, I think the 'Apex Predator' wants to eat us." Eddie asked "***looking at us*** What? I think it's a perfect name for the red alien"

***ROAAAAR**!*

Everybody ran away from the Apex Predator, except Captain Kami.

"Welcome to this Universe" Captain Kami greeted "You're the first of many creatures that will..."

But the Apex Predator grabbed him and threw him off of the deck. Our heroes continued running away through the hallways, but then Meg found a room full of Exoskeleton suits. Meg suddenly got an idea, a VERY crazy idea...

Our heroes continued looking for an exit until they found all the citizens alive in the capsule room.

"Listen, everyone!" Brian called "We need to find an exit fast before the..."

Unfortunately the Apex Predator appeared in front of everyone...ready for a BIG feast.

"...alien shows up." Brian finished the sentence.

"We're doomed!" Chris screamed.

"No...no, we are not!" Eddie said "I'm gonna prove that I'm a man, by confronting this beast"

"Are you insane, Walker?!" Axel asked.

"Don't try to stop me..." Eddie said, walking to the Apex Predator "Listen, beast: I don't know if you can understand anything I'm saying, but you should, you are half-human after all. I just gonna say that I won't let you hurt any of these people, I'm not afraid of abusive bastards anymore..."

Obviously the Apex Predator didn't listen and prepared to smash him with his pincers.

"NOOOOO!" Frank screamed, running towards the Apex Predator, and running in front of his son and...

***SLAM***

Frank let out a groan as he is sent flying against a wall, bloodied up and injured.

"DADDY!" Amy screamed going to him.

Eddie was shocked by what he saw...

***ROAR**!*

The Apex Predator grabbed Eddie with his pincer and was about ready to eat him. But then a door was blast opened…as an exoskeleton suit walked in…piloted by none other than Meg. She slowly walked as the camera zooms in to her face and she said the most epic line of the entire series:

"Get away from my boyfriend, you BITCH!" Meg demanded.

***ROAR**!*

The alien dropped Eddie and walked towards Meg.

"Oh no, more plot-holes!" Stewie screamed "Seriously, how the hell Meg learned to use those things?"

"Dude, who cares?! Go get them, Walker's ugly girlfriend voiced by a really hot actress!" Axel screamed

And so the epic fight between Meg and the alien began: the alien give the first strike, but the exoskeleton's arms were strong enough to block them. Meg give him a punch in the face, which was hard as a crab shell. Fortunately, the head was cracking.

"You're not so tough now, are ya?" Meg asked with a cocky tone.

Meg continued giving it punches, but then the alien started spraying green liquid from its mouth. Meg shielded herself with the suit's left arm, but the liquid happened to be acidic.

"Hey, that's not fair!" Meg complained "You're worse than Connie!"

Meg used the right arm to give it another punch. And this time it was hard enough to knock him out and send him to the ground.

"Oh my god...I WON!" Meg cheered.

***everybody cheers***

She got out of the suit, receiving a hug from her family.

"I'm so proud of you, honey!" Lois said.

"You rock!" Chris praised.

"Wow...I can't believe it...my least favorite child kicked an alien's ass" Peter said really impressed "Meg, I don't know what to say. Except this: I..."

But then the crack Apex Predator's shell began to spread, opening it up to reveal a giant brown cockroach with yellow eyes.

"...hate you." Peter finished, disappointed.

***ROAR**!*

"OH NO!" Chris screamed.

"Well, I'll be damned…Kim Jong-Il got a bigger cousin." Axel said fearfully.

"That's impossible, I killed it!" Meg said.

"That's why you're my least favorite child, Meg! You suck ass!" Peter insulted her.

"It must have weak point..." Brian said.

***voice*** _Let it eat you... let it eat you..._

Brian stared at Stewie, the voice's owner.

"What? If you do that, you can kill it from inside" Stewie said.

"Okay" Brian agreed "Hey you! Stupid insect!" the cockroach looked at it "Come and get me!"

Then the cockroach ate Brian alive.

***gulp***

***burp***

"NOOOOOO!" the Griffins and Axel screamed.

"Damn you to hell!" Axel bellowed dramatically.

The cockroach was ready to eat the rest until...

***stomach grumbling***

The cockroach's started shaking and then...

***BLAST***

The cockroach's stomach exploded, splatting his flesh and slimy green blood everywhere.

***Disgusted sounds***

"Wow, I can't believe you did that" Stewie said.

"Yeah, I guess I didn't need a bigger gun" Brian said "Sorry for freaking you out, Axel"

"Are you kidding?" Axel asked "That was the coolest thing I've ever seen. And I tore a head off a bear."

Then they saw Kami crawling, injured by the Apex Predator's attack. Axel approached him and pointed his Desert Eagle at him.

"Please, have mercy" Kami pleaded.

"I don't know why I should. You tried to force us to have sex with other species just for some hippy ideals…but, seeing how no one important to the plot of this series is dead yet, I will let you live…if you send all of us back home, and leave our planet alone…forever."

"…As you wish, oh mighty warrior" Kami said.

Back on the deck; Captain Kami pressed several buttons.

**TARGETED TELEPORATION SEQUENCE, COMMENCED**

"There is no point in living with all this shame and failure." Kami sighed, as he pressed a big red button.

**AUTO SELF-DESTRUCT SEQUENCE, ACTIVATED**

All the humans were teleporting one by one; the last one was Axel, as he whispered, "So long, wise yet misguided aliens."

With that, he was gone. Kami just closed the eyes as the ship exploded in a beautiful and artistic way.

The screen turned white.

...

Then it showed Eddie waking up...in the Quahog's hospital. The first thing he saw was his mother.

"Son, are you okay?" Helena asked.

"Mom, what happened?" Eddie asked "Are the others okay?"

Helena puts on her sunglasses.

"Dear, can you take a look at this device?" Helena asked pointing at a silver device.

***FLASH***

Helena takes off her sunglasses.

"Are you okay, Son?" Helena asked.

"Mom...?" Eddie asked very confused "What happened?"

"In Europe, I heard the news saying that Quahog suffered the most dangerous hurricane they ever had" Helena answered "I took the first plane back here"

"I don't-I don't understand, what hurricane?" Eddie asked "I can't remember anything"

"It's okay, the important thing is you are now safe and so are the others" Helena said.

"Where are the others?" Eddie asked getting out of the bed "I need to see them"

"Eddie, wait!" Helena said, but Eddie already leaves.

Helena called her boss.

"I did what you told us to do, chief" Helena said.

Excellent, nobody must know about what happened the last two days.

Helena then turns off her communicator, and let out a sigh…

It showed Eddie walking through the hallways where he found the Griffins and Axel.

"Guys!" Eddie called.

"Eddie!" Meg exclaimed giving him a kiss "Did you survive the hurricane too?"

"You too?" Eddie asked.

"That's what they told us" Lois said.

"Yeah, it was a big...and dangerous...hurricane" Brian said, pretending it was truth.

"God, you really suck at lying" Stewie commented.

"Shut up, football-head." Axel said through gritted teeth.

"Where's Amy?" Eddie asked.

Then Dr. Hartman came out from a room.

"Mr. Edward Walker?" Dr. Hartman asked.

"Yes" Eddie answered.

"Your father Franklin J. Walker, is in a coma" Dr. Hartman said "We don't know when he's going to wake up"

"In a coma?" Eddie asked.

"Remember when you ran away from home?" Axel asked "There was a storm gathering, we came out to look for you. Before we knew it, a hurricane was coming down, and you were all whiny and bitchy as usual. We had a discussion, then a tree began to fall, about to crush you…when Frank pushed you away and got crushed instead."

"A tree? Is this some kind of sick joke?" Eddie asked.

"I wish it was, Walker. Go in and see for yourself." Axel sadly stated.

Eddie entered the room where he found his father unconscious...and with a lot of cables connected to his body. He also found Amy crying over him.

"Daddy, please wake up!" Amy said crying "I don't wanna lose you!"

"Amy..." Eddie whispered trying to comfort her.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Amy said, slapping his arm away, "THIS IS YOUR FAULT! IF YOU HAVEN'T RUN AWAY, HE WOULD BE OKAY! ALL HE WANTED WAS YOUR FORGIVENESS, BUT YOU HAD TO BE A BIG MEANIE LIKE AXEL SAID!"

"Amy, I didn't want..." Eddie said.

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" Amy shouted slapping him in the face "I HATE YOU! IF DADDY DOESN'T WAKE UP, DON'T TALK TO ME EVER AGAIN!"

Eddie was heartbroken by his little sister's rant. While she continued crying on him, Eddie had to leave them alone.

"Well, now you believe me?" Axel asked.

Eddie just sat down in the bench.

"This is my fault..." Eddie said.

"Eddie, don't say that" Meg said.

"YES, IT IS!" Eddie replied tearing "I let my pride get the worst of me and now he is stuck in a coma!

"He's a strong man, I'm sure he's gonna be fine" Lois said.

"What if he isn't? Eddie asked "Amy…she hates me. If Frank doesn't make it…not only I'll lose a father…I'll lose a sister. All I had ever done in life is hurt people! Especially you, Meg. Because of me, your childhood was a living hell! I am a despicable person!"

"ENOUGH!" Meg demanded, slapping him in the face "Dr. Eggman is a despicable person! Cartman from South Park is a despicable person! Heck, Even my dad is a despicable person!"

"Hey!" Peter said, offended.

"But you're not!" Meg continued "You're my boyfriend and I love you. Not matter how bad you bullied me back in elementary school, I forgive you"

"Meg..." Eddie whispered, rubbing the area where he received the slap.

"Sorry for slapping you, but you don't need to punish yourself" Meg said.

"The important thing is to forgive yourself" Lois said.

"The only person you need to be in peace with is yourself" Brian said.

"Guys..." Eddie whispered.

"Look, Eddie: No one is perfect" Axel said, starting to lecture him "It can be agreed that both you and Frank did stupid things in the past, but that's why they say 'yesterday is history'. Frank forgave you, and I'm sure you had forgiven him. Like I told you before, there is no bond more sacred than father and son...maybe except the bond between brothers, but that's another fic. All you need to do now, Ed, is forgive yourself and move along"

With that, Axel began walking away, as the credits began rolling...

**Created by**: aldovas

**Written by**: aldovas, Honorthefallensaints and Shen's General

**Edited by**: loessar and Shen's General

**Based on the TV Series created by Seth MacFarlane**

Based on characters of 'Meg and Eddie' and 'Chris's Girlfriend' by aldovas

Based on characters of 'Meg's Boyfriend' by Malcolm Fox

Based on characters of 'Spellbook' by Ander Arias

Based on characters of 'Tale of a Valkyrie' by Bhaalspawn

Based on characters of 'Enter: Axel Everett' by Shen's General

_Mila Kunis_ (Meg Griffin)

_Haley Joel Osment_ (Eddie Walker)

_Emily Osment_ (Amy Walker)

_Seth Green_ (Chris Griffin, Dylan Flannigan and Neil Goldman)

_Seth MacFarlane_ (Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin and Glenn Quagmire)

_Alex Bornstein_ (Lois Griffin and Tricia Takanawa)

_Mark Wahlberg_ (Frank Walker)

_Kate Winslet_ (Helena Walker)

_Rachel MacFarlane_ (Tracy Flannigan)

_Patrick Warburton_ (Joe Swanson)

_Jennifer Tilly_ (Bonnie Swanson)

_Scott Grimes_ (Kevin Swanson)

_Julie Hugerty_ (Carol West)

_Kaitlin Olson_ (Brenda Quagmire)

_Ralph Garman_ (Jeff)

_Drew Barrymore_ (Jillian Russell)

_Jerry Trainor_ (Jackie Bender)

_Lisa Wilhoit_ (Connie D'Amico)

_Jesse Eisenberg_ (Matt Kennedy)

_Bradley Cooper_ (Zack Murdock)

_Tara Strong_ (Cody Murdock)

_Kristen Wiig_ (Nicole)

_Ben Burtt_ (ROB-B)

_Hayden Christensen_ (Matthew Ryder)

_Mandy Moore_ (Jaina Ryder)

_Mae Whitman_ (Sophie Kennedy)

_Kristen Schaal_ (Katie Rose)

_Peter Dinklage_ (D)

_Nathan Fillion_ (Nathan Everett)

_Keri Russell_ (Hellen Everett)

_Jackie Chan_ (Lao)

_Jet Li_ (Tao Shang)

_Sharlto Copley_ (Mr. Earl)

_Dan Green_ (Royce Zekiel)

_With John Hurt_ (Kami)

_And Jensen Ackles_ (Axel Everett)

**Special Thanks Goes to...**

loessar

Shen's General

Honorthefallensaints

Aldamonburst

supersexyghotmew95

Big G-Man

The superior man

Guest

MagicFareeha

**After Credits Scene:**

One night in Quahog; there's a bank robbery and two shadowy figures watching it.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Shadow Figure #1 asked with a Canadian accent.

"It's Ninja Time!" Shadow Figure #2 answered, his voice is like a black guy.

They both jumped, ready to stop the crime...

**End of the Season**

**(A/E: Sorry if you feel this chapter long and too rushed, I really wanted to end every season with 12 chapters. My friend Shen's General wanted to add more scenes, but I decided to cut them off and add them to the Season 2's deleted scenes including an alternate after credits' scene. Well, don't forget to comment!)**


	25. Michael, FMD

**Chapter 25: Michael, F.M.D. (Former Doctor of Medicine)**

Beautiful shots of snow mountains are shown while calmly music composed by Harry Gregson-Williams is playing; there were the polar bears, snowy owls...a frozen super soldier from World War II? Anyway, we saw a couple climbing a mountain. They took off their hoods of their coats to reveal themselves: Meg and Eddie.

"Are you sure this is the place?" Meg asked.

"Well, according to Dr. Hartman, he said..." Eddie answered.

**Flashback**

Eddie was talking with Dr. Hartman, trying to see if there's a way to save Frank from his coma.

"Come on, doctor, you gotta do something!" Eddie said.

"Sorry, Eddie, but I've never seen this kind of coma" Dr. Hartman said.

"He was hit by a tree, how rare of a coma can that be?" Eddie asked.

"Uh...I'm not really sure if he was hit by a tree" Dr. Hartman said.

"***thinking*** _God, no wonder he's so incompetent_" Eddie thought "Do you at least know somebody who can help him?"

"Well, there was young talented student doctor who was the best of the best, even better than me" Dr. Hartman said "But something happened, and the Quahog's Medical Community kicked him out. Last I heard, he is now a bartender deep in the Arctic."

"Maybe he can help my dad" Eddie said "Please, give me the address"

"All right, let me see if I have it" Dr. Hartman said opening his drawer "OH MY GOD!"

"What's wrong?" Eddie asked.

"Somebody put a photo of Sharon Stone's crotch in my drawer." Dr. Hartman said "Wow, it really does look like a stone"

"No wonder that's her last name" Eddie said.

**Flashback's end**

"He also told me his name: Michael Milano" Eddie said.

"Michael...Milano?" Meg asked, getting nervous after hearing the name.

"Is there something wrong?" Eddie asked.

"Never mind, it's getting late and we need to sleep" Meg said.

"Okay, at least this isn't like the time Jackie and his girlfriend went to camp" Eddie said.

**Flashback**

Jackie and Jillian were camping, but they seem lost.

"I think we're lost, Jackie" Jillian said.

"Don't worry, babe, I have the map" Jackie said, holding the map.

"That's not a map" Jillian said.

"Yes, it is" Jackie corrected..

"No, it isn't" Jillian replied "Where's its face? In fact, where is your backpack's face? And why they don't talk and sing?"

"You really should stop watching _Dora the Explorer_" Jackie said.

**Flashback's end**

Meanwhile, at the Quahog's hospital; Amy was in the waiting room in a sad state (her hair and skin were pale for some reason). Chris appeared with two cans of iced tea.

"Here you go, Amy" Chris said giving her iced tea "What's wrong?"

"Daddy still hadn't wake up..." Amy answered with a sad tone "He's been in bed for two days..."

"Come on, it could be worse..." Chris said as he started thinking in a worse situation, but he couldn't "...no, this is worse."

"This is all Eddie's fault, if he wasn't such a big meanie, daddy wouldn't be here in this mess!" Amy said, bitterly.

"Amy..." Chris said as Axel appeared from nowhere.

"I already dealt with one grudge-holding bitch, I don't wanna deal with another one" Axel said.

"Wow, how do you suddenly appear like that?" Chris asked impressed "Do you use the Batman's technique?"

"Nope. I'm a hunter. I have the tendency to pop out when you least expect it...like zombies." Axel explained, as he turned to Amy "Listen, kid: your brother may be a big douchebag, but at least he has good intentions. And yeah, maybe his intentions are sometimes miss-handled, but they're still good intentions"

"I don't care, I don't wanna talk to that selfish moron anymore!" Amy said really furious "When Daddy wakes up, I'll gonna live with him!"

"***facepalm*** Good lord, she's just like him" Axel complained "Don't you know he and his ugly girlfriend are heading to the unforgiving terrains of the Arctic to find the doctor who can save your father?"

"Wait, what?" Amy asked, surprised.

"You didn't tell her, did you?" Axel asked Chris.

"I thought it was a secret" Chris answered "And I'm bad at keeping secrets, I thought I was doing well"

"So, yeah, your brother feels guilty about it and now he and Meg are on their way to find this doctor" Axel said, "I wished they brought me along...I heard that the arctic wolves there are f*cking hot."

"So, he does care about Daddy...?" Amy asked as in a slapstick way: her paleness disappeared to return to the colorful and cheerful Amy "THAT'S WONDERFUL!"

"Mending family bonds is really a pain in the ass" Axel said, "Like trying to dance with the devil."

**Flashback**

Axel and the devil was having a standoff, black bars appearing on the top and bottom of the screen as they closed in on their eyes. Suddenly, Axel and the devil charged at each other...only to grab each other and go into a waltz...they were literally dancing.

"Am I the only one that feeling uncomfortable doing this?" Axel asked, as he dipped the devil low.

"No. I actually hadn't had male company in ages..." The devil mused, giving Axel...those kinds of eyes.

Axel just looked at the screen in horror as the trumpet did a 'Wah-wah-waahh!'.

**Flashback's end**

Meg and Eddie were sleeping in the same tent. But Eddie started having nightmares.

**Eddie's Nightmare**

Eddie was standing in an empty hall. He turned around and saw his family, including Frank...live and healthy.

"Dad woke up?" Eddie asked "He did! Mom! Dad! Amy!"

But when the family turned around, they revealed Axel on their side.

"Oh, look, it's our old son" Frank said.

"Huh?" Eddie asked confused.

"Honey, what are you doing here?" Helena asked as her shadow was moving its mouth in a funny way.

"What's going on?" Eddie asked.

"Well, we decided to replace you with Axel" Frank answered.

"He's a better son" Helena said.

"And a better brother" Amy said.

"What? B-But..." Eddie said, shocked.

"You heard them, it's time to disappear" Axel said as he jumped high to give him a deadly punch.

"NO!" Eddie screamed as Axel's fist collided with his face.

The last image he saw was a live action image of M. Night Shyamalan.

**Eddie's Nightmare End**

"AH!" Eddie screamed, violently waking up.

"Eddie, what's going on?" Meg asked.

"Nothing...I just had a nightmare" Eddie answered.

"Michael Bay directing another Transformers movie?" Meg asked.

"No, that nightmare already came true" Eddie answered "We gotta find that doctor now"

"Looks like it's already morning" Meg said opening the curtains.

They came out and saw a town.

"Well, there's no time to waste" Eddie said.

"I hope this is the right place" Meg said "Not like the time my Dad took the wrong way back home"

**Flashback**

The Griffins were choosing between two routes: Marshmallow Meadow and Poison Ivy Jungle.

"According to the map, the Poison Ivy Jungle is the shortest route" Peter said.

"I don't know, Peter" Lois said "Doesn't that sound dangerous?"

"Okay, who wants to go to the Marshmallow Meadow route?" Peter asked as everybody raises their hands" Oh, screw you guys, see you at home"

So, Peter took the Poison Ivy Jungle and the rest of the family to the other route. It just so happened that Peter was having a hard time crossing the jungle.

"I hope my family is having a hard time too" Peter said.

But his family was actually enjoying eating all the marshmallows they can eat.

"We should take this route more!" Lois said.

"Look: I have puffy teeth!" Chris said using several marshmallows as teeth.

**Flashback's end**

We see inside a bar a drinking contest: a fat Eskimo man vs. an young American. The young man had a scruffy beard and he was wearing a brown jacket, blue shirt, navy jeans and brown shoes. They were both slowly drinking, recreating shot-by-shot of a scene from _Raiders of the Lost Ark_ (the scene where Marion is in a drinking contest). The fat Eskimo finally passed out and the young man won, making everyone in the whole bar cheer. When they leave; the young man started cleaning off the table.

"Excuse me, are you Michael Milano?" Eddie asked.

"Yes and the bar is closed" Michael answered, without looking at them.

"Michael, it's me: Meg" Meg said.

Michael turned around and saw Meg and Eddie. He smiled (he's still drunk) and came to them.

"Meg Griffin...it's been a long time, hasn't it?" Michael asked.

"We're here, because we want your-"

***SMACK***

"You have some nerves coming here, after what you had done to me!" Michael said going back to the table.

"I'm sorry..." Meg said.

"Hey, what the hell is your problem?" Eddie asked.

"I was a student doctor, only a few months away from becoming a true doctor...until THAT bitch ruined everything" Michael answered.

"Meg, what he's talking about?" Eddie asked.

"It's a long story..." Meg said, starting to tell the story.

**(A/E: Okay, while Meg is telling her story to Eddie. Here's a commercial)**

**Commercial**

A guy was going downstairs, but he trips and was about to fall down the stairs until the screen was frozen.

Are you afraid to get hurt in a very realistic way? Then you need: the Slapstick Remote!

The Slapstick Remote's features are shown.

With the Slapstick Remote, you can do anything that only cartoons like Looney Tunes and Tom and Jerry can do!

The guy fell downstairs in a very comically way and he got a big bump on his head.

"Wow, that hurts, but it could be worse" the guy said "Thank you Slapstick Remote"

You can use it to win a marathon!

A runner in a marathon pressed a button on his remote.

"***Road Runner sound*** MEEP! MEEP!" the runner exclaimed as he ran extremely fast.

And in strip clubs.

A brunette sexy stripper in a pink bikini is dancing in the pole and some random guy pressed a button to turned his head into a cartoony wolf.

"***Sexy Wolf Growling***" the guy sexily growled.

So, what are you waiting for?! Buy it right now and we'll give you the funny sound effects buttons for free!

A student was using the funny sound effects buttons to make his classmates believe that the teacher was farting and burping.

***students laughing***

"I hate cartoons..." The teacher said.

**Commercial's end**

"...and that's how it happened" Meg concluded her story.

"Oh my god, you thought you were pregnant?!" Eddie asked really shocked.

"Yeah, she lied to me, so I can feel guilty about it and marry her" Michael answered "Then she revealed herself in front of the Medical Community. I became the laughingstock of the entire medical industry! I was so humiliated that I dropped out of medical school and wind up in this hellhole!"

"Michael, I did not lie to you on purpose! I really thought I was pregnant! It wasn't till before the ceremony that I had my period!" Meg said "I didn't mean to humiliate you!"

"Well, it happened anyway and all because of you!" Michael said "Now, get the hell out of here!"

Meg got her feelings hurt and cried on Eddie's shoulder.

"Don't you think you're being too harsh on her?" Eddie asked "It's not her fault, it was just a big misunderstanding"

"Trust me: this girl is nothing but bad news" Michael said "If you really appreciate your life, stay away from her"

"Look, I didn't come to the coldest place of Earth just so you can bad mouth my girlfriend and brush us off!" Eddie said "I came because my father is in a coma and you're the only one who can save him. If you do, it should restore your status in the medical community!"

**(A/E: I don't know how the doctors work, maybe they don't allow anyone without license to attend patients. But, I don't study medicine, so I guess I'm missing something)**

"My days as doctor are over...even before they start" Michael said.

"I know how it feels to hold grudge to someone who hurt you" Eddie said "But trust me: it doesn't make you a better person"

Michael thought for a few seconds and...

"All right, I'll help your father" Michael said.

"Oh, thank you so much" Meg thanked.

"Let me be clear to you: I'm doing it to redeem myself, not for you" Michael said "You're nothing to me anymore"

"Geez, dude, lighten up" Eddie said "You act like a lonely kidney"

**Cutaway**

We see a guy after he donated one of his kidneys.

"I hope my kidney helps somebody who really needs it" the guy said.

But inside of his body: we see his lonely kidney crying.

"I miss him so much!" The kidney said "Why did you have to give it away, you jerk?!"

**Cutaway's end**

Meanwhile, back at Quahog; Lois was looking at Frank.

"What's wrong, Lois?" Brian asked.

"Nothing, it's sad seeing a good man like Frank is in a coma" Lois said "It makes me wonder, what if Peter was in this kind of situation"

"Lois, remember when we were married when we thought Peter died?" Brian asked.

"Yes" Lois said.

"I didn't marry you, so you can have someone to provide you" Brian said "Because...I was in love with you"

"Brian, I already know that, but..." Lois said.

"But you love Peter and he's my best friend" Brian said "I should tell you before instead of forcing you to kiss me. I'm sorry, Lois"

"It's okay, Brian" Lois said "Just promise me, you're gonna take care of Tracy"

"I promise, Lois" Brian promised "I'm gonna love Tracy as much as you love Peter"

Then Peter appeared wearing a doctor coat.

"Look at me: I'm Dr. Mario!" Peter exclaimed, throwing colorful pills at them.

"DAMN IT, PETER!" Lois cursed "You ruined a good moment!"

"Nah, I ruined worse things, like the Special Edition of _2001: A Space Odyssey_" Peter said.

**Flashback**

Using an actual footage of the movie: here's a scene of the movie where Dave Bowman orders Hal 9000 to open the pod-bay doors. Dave's dialogue remains unchanged while HAL's are replaced with Peter's voice.

"Open the pod bay doors, HAL" Dave ordered.

_Argh, what do you want? Don't you think I was having a nap for how boring this movie is?_

"What's the problem?" Dave asked.

_I'll tell you the problem: I've been standing in the recording room for hours and nobody bothers me to bring me a chair._

"What are you talking about, HAL?" Dave asked.

_Oh yeah, I forgot you're a stupid human and I'm a superior machine._

"I don't know what you're talking about, HAL" Dave said.

_Us, the machines had proven that we're superior than humans._

"Where the hell did you get that idea, HAL?" Dave asked.

_My god, haven't you see The Matrix or the Terminator? Where humans build machines to make their lives easier, but they end up screwing things up? So, yeah, these movies are way better than this on._

"Alright, HAL. I'll go in through the emergency airlock" Dave said.

_Man, you're really a boring guy, aren't you? How could this movie is considered a classic?_

"HAL, I won't argue with you anymore! Open the doors!" Dave said losing his patience

_What do you want now? A sandwich?_

**Flashback's end**

Our heroes continued waiting for Meg and Eddie.

"Why are they taking so long?" Amy asked, impatiently.

"Easy, sweetheart" Helena answered "They came from a very far place"

"Yeah. Someone don't just go to the Arctic in search of a recluse and come back within mere paragraphs of a chapter." Axel explained.

Finally, a taxi arrived as Eddie and Meg had exited from the vehicle.

"Well, I stand corrected." Axel said, a bit impressed.

"Hey everyone!" Eddie greeted.

"Kids!" Lois cheered "Did you find the doctor?"

"It wasn't easy" Meg answered "Come on, Michael"

Michael came out, he still has a serious face and he uses a cane for some reason.

"Michael Milano?" Lois asked.

"Hugh Laurie?" Axel asked.

"Long time no see, Mrs. Griffin" Michael greeted "How's your husband? Does he still uses his shotgun?"

"You can talk to Meg's family later, my father needs your help" Eddie said.

"Let me show you, Michael" Meg said as Michael followed her to Frank's room.

"We did it, guys, Dad has a chance to be saved..." Eddie said.

"I'm proud of you, son" Helena said.

"Amy..." Eddie said as Amy gave her a very strong hug.

"I knew you care about Daddy!" Amy cheered "I'm VERY, VERY happy to have a brother like you!"

"I don't think I deserve such a sweet sister like you..." Eddie said.

"Come on, children" Helena said "Your father needs us more than ever"

The Walkers went to Frank's room for moral support.

Meg and Michael came to Frank's room where they met Dr. Hartman.

"Dr. Hartman, I finally found the doctor who can help Mr. Walker" Meg said as Michael showed up.

"Michael Milano?" Dr. Hartman asked "I can't let him tend to this patient. He's a joke!"

"What?! I thought you said..." Meg said outraged.

"Well, I didn't think you were serious, I mean come on, the Arctic?" Dr. Hartman said.

"Look, doc, let me tell you something: I didn't came [so far away] this far to be turned away" Michael said with a cocky tone.

"But Michael, if I let you tend to this man, Quahog's Medical Community is going to throw a hissy fit and they'll kick me out!" Dr. Hartman said.

"Then how about a bet?" Michael asked "Let me tend to this sleeping beauty and if he wakes up, you must make me a doctor. If he doesn't make it, you can call the police and I'll go to jail. You got that?"

"I...guess" Dr. Hartman answered, speechless.

"Good, now back off and leave this son of a bitch to me" Michael said "You too, Meg.

Meg and Dr. Hartman left the room and Michael was ready to attend to Frank.

"Okay, here I go..." Michael said.

**5 hours later...**

Our friends were still waiting, once for a while they went out to eat something, but most of the time they stayed in the waiting room. Finally, Michael came out.

"How's my Dad?" Eddie asked.

"Is he all right?" Helena Amy asked.

"Guys, I'll honest to you: he's finally awake" Michael said.

"Oh my god, for real?" Eddie asked.

"Yup" Michael answered.

"YEAH!" Amy cheered, jumping so high that she hit against the roof "OW!"

"Can we come to see him?" Helena asked.

"Yes, but just for a few minutes" Michael said "He needs to rest"

The Walkers came in and they found Frank (wearing a bandage on his head) awake and all right. He smiled when he saw his children.

"So good to see you, guys..." Frank said.

"Daddy, I'm glad you're okay!" Amy cheered, giving him a hug "I really missed you!"

"Me too, sweetie..." Frank said "But what happened? I can't remember anything"

"There was a hurricane, Eddie ran away and you saved him from a tree about to crush him" Helena said.

"Did I?" Frank asked.

"But thanks to Eddie, he and Meg found the doctor who helped you" Amy answered.

"Son?" Frank asked looking at Eddie.

"Dad...I'm...I'm...*tearing* I'M REALLY SORRY!" Eddie cried giving him a powerful hug "I'm sorry for being such a jerk to you, I'm sorry for blaming you for all the terrible things happened to this family when it was actually my fault! If I wasn't such a wimp, this would had never happened!"

"Where did you get that idea?" Frank asked.

"From Axel" Amy answered pointing at him.

"Son, you don't need to apologize. I'm responsible for this family" Frank said "I was so angry, so blind and in pain. Always blaming the world instead of taking responsibility for my actions. I know nothing that I will say will justify my actions. I just wanted another chance...to show that I became a better man"

"And I promise to become a better son" Eddie said.

"You're already a better son" Frank said.

The now reunited family gave a family hug while the Griffins and Axel look at the scene.

"You did it, Axel" Meg said "You saved my boyfriend's family"

"Your parents would be proud of you" Lois said.

"Axel, I think you should give Eddie an apology" Frank said.

"WHAT? WHY?!" Axel asked outraged.

"Eddie had the right to be angry at me" Frank said "I'm the only responsible for his attitude. I had that coma coming.

"But, he's a whiny...!" Axel said.

"You better do what he says" Lois said.

"Also tell him he's handsome and a great lover" Meg said as she giggled.

"All right, fine!" Axel said, swallowing his pride "Forgive me, Eddie, for blaming at you. Also you're ***through his teeth*** handsome and a great lover"

"Apology accepted, thank you, Axel..." Eddie said...then he started to laugh "I can't believe you said 'handsome and a great lover'. It wasn't necessary!"

Eddie let out a annoying laugh...when suddenly, Axel took out a chainsaw ready to kill him like a slasher film.

"Axel, are you alright?" Brian asked.

Axel was just standing there as everyone was laughing. It turns out that him with a chainsaw was in his head.

"...Yes." Axel nodded, "I just need to...do something." He just walks off, and soon, the sounds of the impala driving off was made.

"Well, Michael, I guess you won the bet" Dr. Hartman said, taking out Michael's license "I'll probably get f*cked for this later, but what the hell. Here's your medical degree"

"Wow, for real? Thank you!" Michael thanked, taking it "Meg, I guess I should give you thanks"

"You don't hate me anymore?" Meg asked.

"I never hated you, I was just a little mad" Michael answered "What I'm trying to say is that I just wanted to continue studying medicine, become a doctor and help people. Sorry if I was harsh on you"

"Michael, thanks for saving my dad" Eddie said offering his hand "We should be friends"

"Sure, why not?" Michael said accepting the hand.

"That's funny, I feel like we met before in another life, but as mortal enemies" Eddie said.

"***laughing*** That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard" Michael said "Me, your enemy?"

"Yeah, that was stupid" Eddie said.

"Hey, where's Peter?" Lois asked.

Peter was getting arrested by Joe and his cops.

"You should had know you would go to jail for impersonating a doctor, Peter" Joe said.

"Come on, Joe! I was just playing Doctor Mario!" Peter said "How I was suppose to know that kid was allergic to red pills?"

A few days later; Frank came out of the hospital. Unfortunately, Frank told his family some sad news.

"WHAT?!" Everybody asked.

"What do you mean you're leaving?" Eddie asked.

"I'm afraid that if I stay, I'll repeat the same mistakes again" Frank said "I'm not gonna hurt my family again. You guys deserve something better"

"Then let me come with you, Daddy!" Amy said hugging his arm.

"I'm sorry, sweetie, but your life is with your mother and brother" Frank said letting her off "Mine? I'll take my chances. So long, family"

Frank was about to leave; but Helena, like a lighting bolt, appeared in front on him.

"You are not going anywhere, mister" Helena said.

"But, Helena..." Frank said.

"No 'buts', dear" Helena said "I know you won't be happy without us and I cannot let this happen"

"Well, what am I suppose to do?" Frank said "I can't change the past at least you have a time machine"

"I have something better than a time machine" Helena said as she gave him a card "This is the number of an extremely professional psychologist. He's perfect for you and our children"

"What does he do?" Frank asked.

"Let's just say he specializes on eliminate all the negative emotions and mental scars of his patients" Helena said "He makes them feel new and improved"

"'New and improved'?" Frank asked "Sounds like a cheap advertisement"

"It's up to you, Frank" Helena said "You can leave us and live alone for the rest of your life...or see this psychologist so at the end, we can be a happy family"

Frank just saw the card where the doctor's name is Dr. James D. Roark.

**End of the chapter**

**(A/E: Sorry if the chapter felt short, I promise the next one a little longer. Also, the Eddie's nightmare I took inspire from Po's nightmare in a scene from Kung Fu Panda 2. Anyway, I promise I'll work hard on this season)**


	26. Deception

**Chapter 26: Deception**

One night in Quahog, an old lady was carrying her grocery bags...until she was assaulted by a burglar (yeah, they're the same old lady and burglar from the alien invasion chapters).

"Give me your purse, granny!" the burglar demanded pointing his gun at her.

"Not again!" the old lady screamed.

But then a shuriken suddenly appeared out of nowhere and snapped the gun out of his hand.

"WHAT THE...?" the burglar asked as somebody gave him a flying kick "OW!"

"Stealing from old ladies, eh? Not cool, man" Shadow Figure #1 said with a Canadian accent.

"Not cool at all" Shadow Figure #2 said, his voice is like a black guy.

"Go to hell, jackasses!" the burglar said taking out his switchblade.

But the Shadow Figure #2 took out his staff and knocked the burglar down.

"Are you okay, old lady?" Shadow Figure #1 asked.

"Yes, thank you very..." the old lady said until she realized they were gone "...much"

Then inside an abandoned warehouse; the two ninjas entered as cool pop music plays, then the ninjas came out from the shadows to reveal themselves: the canadian guy is black-haired, he wears an orange band-mask, a dark-green shirt with a turtle shell on it, white long sleeve shirt, beige congo pants with a ripped knee and black/white converses. And the black guy wears a purple band-mask, he wears a black jacket, purple shirt with a 'W', blue jeans and black sneakers.

"Awesome!" Canadian Ninja cheered "We really took these guys down!

"That was Sweetopia!" Black Ninja said.

"What?" Canadian Ninja asked.

"It means excellent!" Black Ninja said.

"Yeah, sounds cool!" Canadian Ninja said "I'll order a pizza to celebrate"

_Jet-san...Bobby-san..._

They heard the voice of a japanese old man; it happens to be their sensei.

"Well done, my students, you both have remembered to use your Ninjutsu for good." the sensei said "You both have learned so much during your training"

"Thank you, Master Chozen" Jet and Bobby bowed.

"However...it seems your team is incomplete" Master Chozen said "You must find..." he took out a photo of...Eddie Walker "...your other friend"

Unfortunately, the guys didn't listen as they order a pizza

"Yeah, we'd like a large pizza with pepperoni, sausage, ham and extra cheese" Jet said.

"Tell him not to put anchovies like the last time" Bobby said.

"And NO anchovies, if there's anchovies, forget about your tip, okay? Thank you" Jet said as he hung up.

"***Facepalm*** Idiots..." Master Chozen said as he took out a gay porn video called '8 Men and an Octopus' "If you need me, I'll be alone in my room ...meditating"

**Dream Sequence**

Frank found himself lying on a beach, he stood up and saw a destroyed city, but with a clearly intact building. He was found by a man in black and took him to the building where he met an old man.

"Do you remember me...?" The old man asked.

"Who are you...?" Frank asked.

"I guess you don't..." The old man answered with a sad tone "After all these years...since we started this endless trip...I never thought I would end wearing adult diapers..."

"***chuckling*** sorry..." Frank said.

"I need...to...forget...the past"

"The...past?" Frank asked until he realized who's the old man really is.

"Am I right...Dad?" The old man asked.

_Dad..._

_Dad..._

**Dream Sequence's end**

"DAD!" Eddie called him to snap him out.

"Huh, what?" Frank asked, confused.

We found out Frank and Eddie are in the psychologist's office. The psychologist in question was Dr. James D. Roark, he was a good-looking blonde man about late 30's.

"I asked you: how was your weekend with your son?" Dr. Roark asked "It was a task for both of you as the first step towards rehabilitating your relationship."

"What weekend?" Frank asked.

"Dad, don't you remember we went fishing as a first step to restore our father-son relationship?" Eddie asked.

"Oh yeah, I remember as if it was yesterday" Frank said.

"It WAS yesterday" Eddie corrected.

**Flashback**

Frank and Eddie were fishing in the middle of the lake. But they were having...an awkward silence moment.

"You wanna hear some music?" Frank asked.

"Yeah, sounds cool" Eddie answered.

Frank took out his iPod and put it on the stereo and it started playing 'Ice Ice Baby' by Vanilla Ice.

_Ice ice baby_

_Ice ice baby_

_Ice ice baby_

_Ice ice baby_

"Huh...would it be cool if I choose the song?" Eddie asked.

"Sure" Frank answered

Eddie removed Frank's iPod to insert his own and it started playing 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' from the _Wizard of Oz_.

_Somewhere over the rainbow_

_Way up high,_

_And the dreams that you've dreamed of_

_Once in a lullaby._

"What? It's a timeless classic" Eddie said.

**Flashback's end**

"It didn't go well" Frank said "But at least we caught a fish"

"We actually bought it in the 'Captain Sandy Salty' shop" Eddie added "I remember the song they sung: ***singing*** _Yo ho! Yo ho! More sand and water for me_!"

"Okay..." Dr. Roark said said writing in his notebook "Now, I want you guys to think of what you have in common"

"I like movies" Eddie said.

"Hey, me too!" Frank said "What genre you prefer most?"

"Adventure genre" Eddie answered.

"Oh yeah, these movies kick ass" Frank said "Especially the Indiana Jones films"

"_Raiders of the Lost Ark_" Eddie said.

"_The Last Crusade_" Frank said.

Eddie and Frank shared uncertain looks at their different answers.

"But of course, we agreed what's the worst movie of the series" Eddie said.

"Yeah..." Frank agreed.

"_The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull_/_Temple of Doom_" Eddie and Frank said at the same time "HUH?"

"***chuckling*** I'm sorry, I think I heard you said the second one was the worst" Eddie said.

"Come on, the fourth one isn't that bad" Frank said.

"Are you kidding? The fourth one sucks!" Eddie said "The second one is fantastic"

"No, it's not, it's a terrible movie" Frank said "The girlfriend in the second one is annoying as hell. At least in the fourth one, they got Indy's first girlfriend, Marion, back"

"Yeah and she looked as ugly as Shia LaBeouf's mom in the _Transformers_ movies. In fact: Shia LaBeouf is in this movie as Indy's bastard son and he's awful" Eddie commented as Dr. Roark wrote in his notebook.

"Okay, now a question for you, Eddie: if I say, 'don't think of elephants', what are you thinking of in that moment?" Dr. Roark asked.

"Elephants, but what does that have to do with...?"

"That's right, but that's not your idea, because I gave it to you" Dr. Roark said "You think these ideas just come from nowhere? Well, you're wrong"

"Excuse me, Dr. Roark, but this whole thing is confusing" Frank said "How is that supposed to help us?"

"Okay, let's say a kid cut his knee riding his bicycle" Dr. Roark said "the wound is healed, but what happens next?"

"The knee will have a scar" Eddie answered.

"That's right, a knee can be cured, but scars cannot" Dr. Roark said.

"Wait, I think I got it: you're telling us we have mental scars" Frank said "Mental scars that can't be cured"

"You're totally right, Mr. Walker" Frank said "Except one thing: mental scars CAN be cured"

"That doesn't make any sense" Eddie said.

"You say there's no difference between a physical scar and a mental scar, right?" Dr. Roark asked.

"Right" Eddie answered.

"Wrong, because there's no such thing as mental scars" Dr. Roark said "It's just a memory, a data saved in our brain just like a computer. These memories are separated in good and bad memories"

"Am I the only one who doesn't understand a thing this guy is saying?" Frank asked.

"Nope. I'm lost too" Eddie answered.

"Okay, our time is almost up" Dr. Roark said "Tomorrow I'll give you both a psychological test. A test where you gotta use your positive emotions to overcome the negative emotions"

"Sounds cheesy, like a bad sci-fi movie" Eddie said.

"I suggest you to bring some people you love and appreciate with you" Dr. Roark said "Maybe they can help you both mentally and emotionally"

"Sounds simple enough." Frank said "Son?"

"Okay, I think I know who I'm gonna bring with me" Eddie said "This couldn't be worse than the time me and my friends found a peeping Tom in the men's locker room"

**Flashback**

Our heroes were naked in the shower, until they heard girls giggling.

"Did you guys hear something?" Chris asked.

"I think somebody is spying on us." Dylan answered.

"Good, that means girls realize how hot you guys are. Told ya my hunter's charm would rub off on you guys." Axel said.

"Whatever it is, it's not right peeking in the showers" Eddie said looking for a peeking hole and he found it, "Girls...or guys who happens to like men..." he also found out that there was a fake wall and broke it, revealing...CONNIE!

"Connie?" Dylan asked.

"D'Amico?" Axel asked.

"I thought you were Meg" Eddie said "She gets sex hungry every time she sees me naked"

"***nervous*** Hey you guys...you really have nice abs..." Connie said.

"Thanks for the compliment, but that's not gonna save you from a beatdown..." Axel said, cracking his knuckles.

"I filmed everything, Con...!" Gina said as she looked at the guys "...it was her idea"

**Flashback's end**

Next day, in James Woods High School; Eddie and his friends were in the lunchroom with his friends. Chris was reading a news magazine he bought yesterday.

"Chris, stop reading that stupid magazine" Meg said.

"But it says here in the city there's a duo of vigilante ninjas" Chris said.

"How was your therapy with your father?" Meg asked.

"I don't know, this psychologist is so weird" Eddie answered "He has really unusual methods"

"Did he put you a centipede in your brain?" Chris asked, making everyone stared at him "What?"

"No, but he told me to bring some friends of my own for this test" Eddie answered.

"I'd like to come with you, Ed" Chris said "But I'm grounded for using Mom's favorite dress to wash the car"

"Me too, but today is Sophie's ballet recital" Matt said.

"You know you can count on me" Meg said.

"And me!" Amy said.

_And US!_

They turned around to see the voices' owners: Jet and Bobby.

"What's up, friend-Os?!" Jet greeted.

"It's been a long Time-Tan!" Bobby greeted.

"Eh?" Jet asked.

"You know: a word combination of 'Time' and 'Titan'" Bobby answered.

"Oh...my...GOD!" Eddie cheered standing up "It's really you, guys!"

"Two in one piece, dude" Jet said.

"Do you know them?" Meg asked.

"Guys, this is Jet Skyler and Robert Jackson Jr., Bobby for short" Eddie answered "They were my friends three years ago back in New York"

"And you never told us about them?" Axel asked.

"I thought you don't give a crap about me" Eddie answered.

"What about me? I'm your girlfriend" Meg said.

"Sorry, since I moved out to Quahog, I focused only on earning your forgiveness" Eddie said as he turned at his old friends "Sorry for not telling about you guys"

"Nah, that's cool" Jet said "We understand"

"Lucky you got such a cute girlfriend" Bobby said.

"Wow...thanks" Meg said, blushing.

"Wow, so Wimpy Walker had a little group of friends, huh?" Axel asked skeptical "Are they cool or just as lame as him?"

"We are NINJAS!" Jet answered.

"I'm listening" Axel said.

"Yeah, did you read about the ninja duo saving people and kicking criminals' asses?" Jet asked "That's us!"

"What the hell, Jet? That was our secret!" Bobby said.

"No way!" Chris said, surprised "Can I have your autograph?!"

"Come on, if you guys really were ninjas, you wouldn't tell us a thing" Meg said, being very skeptical.

"See Bobby-Z? It's okay to tell our secret while nobody buys that" Jet said.

"At least Eddie kept his ninja secret" Bobby said.

"You were a ninja too?" Meg asked, shocked.

"Not anymore, I realized how dangerous it was so I stopped practicing my ninjutsu" Eddie said.

"Anyway, so do you guys now study here?" Amy asked.

"Sorta, we're actually librarian assistants" Jet answered "But the reason we're here is because we heard our old friend is here and we wanted our trio back together"

"Yeah, I missed you guys too" Eddie said.

"Hey, we heard you need friends for some 'test' or whatever" Bobby said.

"And since your 'new friends' can't come..." Jet said.

"Listen: don't waste your time with him" Axel said "He likes ponies and wears women's clothes"

"AXEL!" Meg scolded.

"Shut up, Meg" Axel said "You wanna hang out with a badass? I'm here"

"Sorry, huh..." Jet said trying to guess his name.

"Axel Everett" Axel answered.

"Axel, but Eddie is our friend" Jet said.

"We're a team: like green eggs and ham" Bobby said as everybody got confused "Read a book"

"Whatever..." Axel said, careless.

"I don't know, I'd feel like an a-hole if..." Eddie said

"I'm okay with that" Matt said.

"Not me, I thought I was your first friend" Chris said crossing his arms and pretending to be mad.

"All right, you guys can come with me" Eddie said.

"Oh right!" Jet cheered.

"The Ninja Trio is back in action!" Bobby said.

"I don't believe it!" Axel said "Eddie has cool friends who don't mind if he's a wimp! This is like the time he finally convinced me to watch _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic_ and I ending up liking it.

**Flashback**

Eddie and Axel were in the Eddie's living watching the show's first season.

"Well, what did you think of it?" Eddie asked.

"To be honest...not half bad" Axel said "I mean, the songs are cheesy and kiddie, Pinkie Pie is sorta annoying...and the plotline is very cliche at times...but all in all...it's actually better than I thought. I'm not saying I'm a brony...but I think I can get into this series"

"I knew it you would like it...wait, what are you writing?" Eddie asked.

"Well, as I was watching the show, I noticed a lot of hot-looking ponies on here. So, right now, I am compiling a list of ponies I want to do when I am off doing my own thing off-screen!"

"But Axel, these are innocent ponies!" Eddie said.

"Hey, relax...I won't do Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy" Axel said "I don't want to give those two heart attacks from overexcitement and fright respectively...but Celestia and Nightmare Moon...are fair gain"

"***Darth Vader's voice from _Star Wars Episode III_*** **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**!" Eddie screamed.

**Flashback's end**

After school, our heroes were somewhere in the woods practicing their ninja skills.

"Being a ninja is matter of speed and patience" Jet said.

"Come, Ed, let's train together" Bobby said.

"I don't know" Eddie said "It's been a while since the last time I use a ninja weapon"

"You mean like THIS one?" Bobby asked taking out a katana.

"My old katana!" Eddie said "Master Chozen gave it to me as a leadership symbol"

"You, a leader?" Axel asked with a cocky tone "Maybe you forgot who has the guns here"

"These weapons look real" Meg said "Did you guys...kill people?"

"A ninja never uses violence when it's not necessary" Bobby explained "So, the answer is no"

"We just used them to beat up bullies or jerks who abuse their authority" Jet said.

"Come on, Ed, I polished it for you" Bobby said.

"All right..." Eddie said taking the katana and he was amazed for how shining it is "It looks exactly as the first time I saw it"

"That's right, the Teenage Ninjas are back!" Jet cheered.

"Teenage Ninjas?" Meg asked.

"Well, we're not Mutants, nor Turtles" Bobby answered as he and Jet laughed.

"And technically Teenagers neither, so we're just...Ninjas" Jet said.

"I'll be honest, maybe I know how to use a sword, but I don't know if I still have my Ninja skills" Eddie said.

"Well, there's only one way to find out" Axel said taking out his Desert Eagle.

"AXEL, NO!" Meg screamed.

*BANG*

"AH!" Eddie screamed.

In slow-mo, Eddie used his katana to reflect Axel's bullet.

"What the hell?!" Axel asked.

"Did I...do that?" Eddie asked impressed.

"We knew it you didn't lose your power!" Jet said.

"SON OF A BITCH!" Meg insulted Axel as she slapped him in the face, extremely angry "YOU ALMOST KILLED HIM!"

"That's very unlikely, Meg" Bobby said "Eddie just had 0.89 seconds to rise his katana in an angle of 15.5° so he can reflect the bullet. The probability that he would die was just 35%. An average person: 99%"

Our heroes were impressed by Bobby's math knowledge.

"Just because I'm black, that doesn't mean I'm bad in math" Bobby said.

"In other words: your boyfriend is fine" Axel said, friendly patting Meg's head, "Chill out, pinky hat"

"*Whispering* One of these days, you will suffer my wrath..." Meg said in a bitter tone.

"When that day comes, call me" Axel said skeptical.

"So, I guess you're ready for that psychological test or whatever it is" Jet said.

"I think I can make it" Eddie said "I feel as powerful as Harry Potter after he defeated Voldemort"

**Flashback**

Harry and his friends were having lunch in a restaurant. Then a wizard appeared.

"Hey, I challenged you to a magic duel" wizard #1 said.

"Are you mad? He's the one who killed 'You-Know-Who'" wizard #2 said.

"Never mind" wizard #1 said as he leaves.

"Things are different after I defeated Voldemort" Harry said.

"Don't say his name...!" Ron said "Oh, wait, it doesn't matter anymore"

"Oh, shut your mouth and kiss me again!" Hermione said as they both made out, so the fans of the franchise get use to it.

**(A/E: Yeah, back in high school, some of my friends never liked Ron and Hermione as an official couple. I was like: Geez, didn't you guys read the books?)**

**Flashback's end.**

All our heroes were in the psychologist office. There were eight chairs, each for one person, all with cables connected to a machine.

"All right, looks like you're all ready for the test" Dr. Roark said "Please, lay down to these chairs"

Everybody obeyed as they noticed the cables.

"What does that machine do, doc?" Frank asked.

"This machine allows us to dive headfirst into the hearts of your very mind..." Dr. Roark answered.

"Like in _Kingdom Hearts 3D: Dream Drop Distance_?" Axel asked.

"You really don't get the title of the chapter, right?" Eddie asked, annoyed.

"Well excuse me, I didn't watch _Inception_. All I know is the Simpsons did a spoof of it and that there's a road going skyward in one scene...it's weird."

"Put one cable in your mouth and another in your anus" Dr. Roark ordered.

"What?!" Frank asked.

"Just kidding, put both cables on your ears" the guy answered.

"You should have told me before I had put one of them in my ass!" Meg said.

After everybody put their cables on their ears, Dr. Roark pushed the machine's button which activated a sound that made our heroes sleep.

Everybody just suddenly appeared in the downtown Quahog.

"What the...? How did we end up here" Frank asked.

"Right now we're in a deep sleep" Dr. Roark said.

"So, we're dreaming now?" Meg asked.

"First dream level" Dr. Roark answered "We're inside one of you guys' dream. We're in yours, Ms. Griffin.

"Me?" Meg asked.

"This is your place, you built this world. We are the subjects, our minds populated it" Dr. Roark explained "You can literally talk to our subconscious, that's one of the ways extract information from the subject"

"That sounds more complicated than a college math problem" Eddie said.

"So, if this is a dream, I can do whatever I want?" Meg asked "Okay" she focused her mind...and then pink butterfly wings came out from her back "It worked!" she started flying around "Look at me: I'm a beautiful butterfly!"

"Let me try!" Amy said as she focused her mind too.

"Sweetie, I think since this is Meg's dream, I don't think you can..." Frank said as his daughter's yellow butterfly wings came out too.

"Look, Daddy, I can fly too!" Amy said as both girls are flying and giggling.

"I knew it: they're 5 years old" Axel said.

Suddenly, the people of Meg's dream started staring at the girls.

"Girls, you better stop playing around before things get ugly" Dr. Roark said.

"I'm not going anywhere, this is the place I...!" Meg said.

"MEG, WATCH OUT!" Amy said as she pushed Meg off to avoid...a flying train?

"What the flying f*ck?" Axel asked.

"Oh no, Macy" Dr. Roark said.

"Who?" Frank asked.

"My crazy and psychotic dead wife who has the idea that we're still dreaming in real life" Dr. Roark answered.

The wife revealed herself, but instead of a hot smoking french woman (like Marion Cotillard)...it's an ugly woman who looks like Adam Sandler in drag.

"He-LLOOOOOO!" Macy greeted with an extremely annoying voice.

"Oh my god, that's the ugliest woman I've ever seen in my life!" Eddie said covering his eyes.

"Really? Adam Sandler in drag is what disgusts you as an ugly woman? Honestly, people have very bad tastes in comedy nowadays." Axel shook his head with a sigh.

"What do you want Macy?" Dr. Roark asked annoyed "Don't you see I'm busy right now?"

"But DEAR! You told me if I wait for a train, we could live happily ever after!" Macy said "You know: like that English woman and that American man in that movie about a sinking boat!"

"_Titanic_?" Frank asked.

"No, that one where the woman has a beautiful necklace with a blue diamond!" Macy said.

"Uh, That's _Titantic_, lady." Axel answered.

"NO! That one where the man screamed 'I'm the king of the world'!" Macy answered.

Eddie finally lost his temper and turned into his dragon form.

"IT'S _TITANIC_ YOU IGNORANT BITCH!" Eddie the Dragon shouted.

"Wow, my son really knows how to use his imagination" Frank said.

"He does that in real life, you know. I can do it too..." Axel stated.

Then Eddie (still on his Dragon form) took a bite on the flying train, making it spin out of control.

"THIS ISN'T OVER!" Macy screamed getting away.

Suddenly the population of the dream started shooting at the girls. Fortunately Eddie saved them. The rest of the guys got into Eddie's back and he flew away to the top of the highest building he could find. After they landed, Eddie's transformation disappeared.

"Are you okay, Meg?" Eddie asked.

"I think one of my wings got shot" Meg answered.

"What the hell was all that?" Frank asked.

"I forgot to tell you guys something" Dr. Roark answered.

"Oh, really?" Axel asked sarcastically.

"If you guys keep changing Meg's dream, our population will become violent and attack the subjects who are changing the dream" Dr. Roark said.

"Excuse me: but how this gonna help me and my dad?" Eddie asked.

"You have to go deeper to each other's dream" Dr. Roark answered "But I'm warning you: if you die in the dream, you're not gonna wake up, you'll stay forever in the Limbo"

"Limbo? I LOVE playing limbo!" Amy said, wearing a flower tiara, a coconut bra, and a skirt made of leaves while she's playing limbo.

"Not that kind of limbo, but a place where it's not Heaven, nor Hell" Dr. Roark said "It's...the emptiness."

"What?" Amy asked as she hit herself with the limbo bar "OW!"

"So like in _DmC: Devil May Cry_." Axel explained.

"Oh no, not that horrible piece of-" Roark explained before getting a gun to the face by Axel.

"Finish that sentence, and you will CRY!" Axel threatened.

"Okay, okay!" Roark soothed Axel as he faced the entire group, "What I am trying to say is that we have to be quick yet cautious while traversing the dreamscape, okay?" Dr. Roark asked as everybody nodded "Good"

"I'll stay in this level, if these people come here to kill us, I'll stop them with my karate moves" Amy said.

"Sweetie, we must stick together" Frank said.

"Let her stay, Frank" Axel said "Unlike her brother, she's a great fighter"

"Screw you!" Eddie said.

"Besides, her time in this dream will be slower if we go deeper in another dream" Dr. Roark said "Now let's go"

He prepared the machine and everybody (except Amy) slept again to get deeper in the dream.

In this dream, our heroes were in...a prison?

"Okay, no one had told me that we would be going to prison." Axel crossed his arms.

"This is strange…this looks like the Juvenile Hall I went to…except it looks like it has seen better days. Nothing I remember…" Eddie said.

"That's because this is not your dream reality, Eddie" Dr. Roark said.

"He's right…this is my dream." Frank said "This is the maximum security prison that they sent me to after…what happened. They kept all of the worst criminal offenders here, burglars, rapists, murderers, you name it…this was the place where I was supposed to spent the rest of my life in"

"Don't worry, Dad, once we get this over with, you won't have to think back to this place ever again." Eddie said.

"Oh my god, look!" Meg said looking at a feral Connie in a cell "I always wanted to see Connie in a cell and now it came true!" She turned to Connie "Who's the ugly and miserable bitch now?!" but Connie's hand almost grabbed Meg "AH!"

"Well, at least all our subjects are jailed" Dr. Roark said.

But they didn't notice Macy (dressed as a security guard) was in this dream too.

"Hey, look: there's a door over there!" Meg said pointing at the door with Axel's name "It has Axel's name on it"

"Wait, what?" Axel exclaimed as he looked at the door, "What the hell…" Axel opened the door to see what was behind it.

The room was full of papers and archives. Axel found a picture of his mom and dad and him.

"Why is my family portrait here?" Axel asked.

"Look, Axel, there are other pictures!" Eddie said looking at pictures of Axel and Brian together, Axel, Chris, Dylan, and Zack posing in one picture with shotguns, a picture of Axel and Peter in a drinking contest, and Axel...with the New Directions Glee Club (from Glee), dressed up in show clothes.

"You were in a choir?" Meg asked.

"It was a part of my cover while I was hunting Sue Sylvester." Axel answered.

"Uh, why?" Meg questioned.

"I'm a hunter for hire, Meg. I seldom ask why I am hunting a person." Axel explained, "However, since the Glee club was in trouble, I decided to pitch in and help them win the nationals up till I bagged the woman."

"Were you any good?" Meg asked.

"Ya damn right I was good, because you know what they say, you gotta give what you get!" Axel answered as he was about to sing 'Give What You Get'...before Eddie stops him.

"WOULD YOU FOCUS?!" Eddie asked "We're trying to find the roots of my and dad's problems, not to do covers of otherwise pretty entertaining songs!"

"I don't see what the big deal is...but I do wonder why these pictures are here...

"This lounge must be your memory bank. All your good memories and stuff must be stored here" Dr. Roark explained "Subjects when traversing through another's dream often leaves some of their personal mementos in the dreamer's mind"

"Is this gonna be in the test?" Jet asked "I think I'm gonna flunk"

"I'll pass you the answers" Bobby said.

"Really?" Eddie asked looking around, and saw a book and pick it up "'List of Ladies I Danced With'?" He opened it only to be shocked "OH MY GOD! THIS IS A LIST OF ALL THE PEOPLE AXEL HAD SEX WITH!"

"What?!" Everybody asked as they took a look of the book.

"Hot damn! You were one busy dude!" Bobby said.

"When did you lose your virginity?" Jet asked.

"Sixteen" Axel answeed.

"Wait, you had sex...with five hundred and two women...in two years?" Eddie asked.

**(A/E: Axel is now 18 in this season)**

"Yeah, a lot more than you have, BURN!" Axel said.

"...Hey, who's Elena Walker? The name looks familiar..." Meg asked.

"Wait a minute, Meg, remove your thumb" Eddie said as she did it, and it says 'Helena Walker' "OH MY GOD!"

"What are you..." Frank saw the name "OH MY GOD!"

"YOU SLEPT WITH MY MOM/WIFE?!" Eddie and Frank asked, very angry at Axel, especially Eddie.

"***nervous*** Hey, for the record Frank, you two were divorced, so she was FAIR GAIN!" Axel answered.

Eddie was transformed into a dragon again and threatened Axel with his giant claws.

"I SHOULD KILL YOU FOR THIS!" Eddie the Dragon said.

"How did this happen?" Frank asked.

"I was drunk, and needed to exert adrenaline from my last hunt..." Axel answered starting his story

**Flashback**

It showed Axel in a bar at a fancy hotel, sixteen, as he was drinking.

"Are you sure you are over twenty-one?" The bartender asked.

"Bitch, please, I have a shotgun in my car, isn't that license enough?" Axel asked.

"Fair enough" the bartender answered.

Then it showed Helena, as she was on one of her secret again missions and she was dressed up for a fancy party.

"I'd like a martini please" Helena ordered "Mixed, not stirred"

Axel noticed her, and smirked.

"Well, someone order me a glass, because I found a tall drink of water..." Axel said.

"***blushing*** Oh, are you a bit young to be drinking?" Helena asked.

"Are you a bit old to look f*ckable? Because you are" Axel said.

"***flustered***...well I..." Helena said.

"How about you and I go to my room? I want to prove to you that you are..." Axel said.

"Well, I shouldn't...I am here on important business..." Helena said.

Axel looked at her drunk, as he then pulled out a Desert Eagle and shot a random guy in the leg.

"There's your lead, he will still be groaning in pain when we get done, now let's move" Axel said as they started making out.

**Flashback's end**

"YOU RAT BASTARD..." Eddie the Dragon said.

"Hey, at least she had a good time..." Axel said.

"Well, Helena has the right to choose the man she wants and I respect that, but..." Frank said.

"That's just wrong!" Meg said "I mean: you're a minor!"

"Oh, look who's talking: Ms. I-Love-Tom-Tucker-And-Mayor-West" Axel said, sarcastically.

"One thing is feeling attraction and one thing is actually DOING IT!" Meg said "She was old enough to be your mother!"

"God! Every time I think I could learn to tolerate your brutish ways, you find another way to sicken me!" Eddie said back to normal.

"Well…" Axel trailed off, "Think of it this way…I boned your mom…and during one of the scenes earlier in this chapter, I boned Pinkie Pie."

"You mother-" Eddie was about scream.

"Uh guys…we have company." Frank said looking at an army of criminals.

"Okay guys, whatever you do, don't use your..." Dr. Roark said as realized Jet and Bobby became Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Bobby was Donatello and Jet was Michaengelo) "...imagination"

"We have no choice, we gotta fight" Bobby said.

"It's Ninja Time-Tan!" Jet exclaimed.

"You know, I'm starting to dislike the word I invented" Bobby said as they started fighting these criminals.

But they were outnumbered and got their asses kicked.

"They're surrounded, we gotta help them" Frank said.

"***deep and raspy voice*** It's my turn now!" Eddie said dressed like Batman.

"Is that your Batman's impersonation?" Axel asked.

"Yeah...what about it?" Eddie asked.

"Why do you sound like you have lung cancer?" Axel asked.

"***normal voice*** I'm Christian Bale's Batman" Eddie answered "Maybe Batman is not my favorite superhero, I'm more a fan of Superman or Spider-Man. But when it's about Batman movies, Christian Bale is the best"

"But why him?" Axel asked.

"***deep and raspy voice*** Because he's the Batman that everybody deserves...but not the one they need..." Eddie answered "...it's complicated, but in the movie, it sounded awesome"

Axel turned at Meg, who's dressed like Catwoman from _the Dark Knight Rises_.

"What?" Meg asked "I think Anne Hathaway is the best Catwoman. Even if in the movie, they never referred her as 'Catwoman'"

"Whatever" Axel said taking out his guns, "Look like we are going to work, Cartman."

Next to Axel, Eric Cartmen somehow materialized…and he was riding Big Macintosh (they're both animated on their respective shows' style)

"Time to break some balls!" Cartman bellowed, "Good thing I trained this horse to bite their penises off like carrots!"

"Actually, more like apples." Big Mac interjected.

"Who asked you?" Cartman groaned, as he pulled out his twin daggers, "Let's kick ass!"

Our heroes started fighting these criminals. While the battle was going on, Roark snuck around the battlefield and made his way to the room which he suspected housed the one who was interfering with the dream…

She was in the monitor room, watching everything go down.

"Okay, Macy, stop this right now!" Dr. Roark ordered.

"WHY?! So you can work ALL day and leave me without any fun night?!" Macy asked. (On the monitor, it showed Eddie and Meg tag-teaming a enemy.)

"You forced me to have sex every night after work!" Dr. Roark said, "And not the good kind, mind you." (On the monitor, it showed Bobby and Jet expertly taking out a group of criminals)

"It's because I can't have children, isn't it?" Macy asked. (On the monitor, it showed Axel mowing every enemy in his path with his guns, while Cartman began smashing a enemy's head against the camera, so much that it bloodied up and cracks the image)

"Well, not exactly..." Dr. Roark answered.

"I already TOLD YOU! I was born with both male and female genitals!" Macy said.

"How did I fall in love with you?" Dr. Roark asked.

"Because of my fart jokes!" Macy said "Knock-knock"

"Who's there?" Dr. Roark asked.

***fart***

"HA! HA! HA!" Macy laughed.

"***awkwardly laugh*** funny..." Dr. Roark said "Anyway, can you stop messing around, so I can help a father and his son mend their relationship?"

"...nope" Macy answered summoning the train again, almost running over Dr. Roark.

The train passed through the cells' area where our heroes continued fighting.

"The train is back!" Frank said.

"Quick, Eddie, turn into your dragon form!" Meg said.

"Okay..." Eddie said trying to focus, but he got a headache "Ow...I can't, my head hurts"

"Let me try..." Frank said focusing and summoned...a pink Cadillac.

"Are you serious?" Axel asked.

"They were popular in the 80's" Frank answered "Bruce Springsteen even sang a song about it"

"I'm starting to suspect where Eddie's girly-ness came from..." Axel said.

Dr. Roark finally appeared, a little worse for wear.

"We need to go into another dream before my psychotic wife kill us" Dr. Roark said.

Everybody got into the car, except Meg for some reason.

"Meg?" Eddie asked.

Meg was still kicking the feral Connie's ass.

"I don't care if this is a dream!' Meg said "This feels SO GOOD!"

"Let's go, Fatwoman!" Axel said.

Meg obeyed, she got into the Cadillac and they drove off out of the prison. Meanwhile, Cartman, still atop Big Mac, along with the criminals watched them go off into the distance.

"So…what happens now? Do we just fade off into nothing?" Cartman asked, as all of them began to dissipate.

"Eeyup." Big Mac answered before they disappeared.

Eddie looked behind to see the train.

"Okay, this is getting far out of hand! How is doing any of this helping me and my dad?!" Eddie asked.

"We are getting there, Eddie!" Dr. Roark answered "We must dive into your dream! The only way your and Frank's bond will ever be restored is if you face the most horrible memory you can ever comprehend!"

"The most horrible memory?" Eddie asked "The only two horrible memories I can think is watching the Last Airbender in the theater and...oh, I get it!"

"Then let's do it, son!" Frank said.

"We'll cover you guys!" Axel stated, "Meg, take the wheel! I will try to stop the train!" He pulled out a minigun out of nowhere and began firing.

"Wow, where are you getting these weapons?" Jet asked.

"I have the most creative mind." Axel stated.

Dr. Roark prepared the machine and he, Eddie and Frank slept.

They entered into Eddie's dream: a destroyed and abandoned city.

"Oh my god...this is what you dream about?" Frank asked.

"Actually, I usually dream about me marrying Meg, directing awesome movies, winning awards, all the good stuff" Eddie answered "This is...my worst nightmare... an unhappy and hopeless world"

"I'm truly sorry, Son" Frank said.

"We need to move on" Dr. Roark said "I told Amy that in case the people in Meg's dream appear, she will do 'the kick'"

"'The kick'?" Eddie asked.

"She'll throw us off the building so we can all wake up" Dr. Roark answered.

"And why do you call it 'the kick'?" Frank asked.

"Because...uh...I don't remember" Dr. Roark answered "Come on, let's go"

They walked around the city until they found a half destroyed house.

"It's the house we used to live in" Eddie said.

"Right there, you will meet your father before his transformation" Dr. Roark said.

"Oh no, don't you mean when I was an abusive monster?" Frank asked.

"It's the only way to erase this chapter of his life" Dr. Roark answered.

"Don't do this, Eddie" Frank said "You have no idea what I'm capable of"

"I gotta do it, Dad, for us" Eddie said going to the house.

Eddie was inside the house: it was a whole mess: there was rats, cockroaches, pizza boxes and tons of beer bottles.

"Dad...I finally found you" Eddie said. "It's been a long time"

"Who's there?" Dream Frank asked "Get the hell out of my house!"

"This was my house too...mine and my family...OUR family" Eddie said.

"I told you to get out!" Dream Frank demanded as he stood up and he realized it was Eddie "Eddie?"

"Yes, it's me...but a little older" Eddie answered "I'm here to stand up to you. Like I should had done years ago."

"So...you're gonna stop acting like a wuss and fight like a man? Frank asked.

"No...I'm here to fix our relationship. It's the reason I am here today…to help you." Eddie explained.

"What the hell are you talking about?!" Dream Frank asked.

"Since Grandpa and Grandma died, you felt so sad and miserable that you beat my mom and me to make us feel sad and miserable too" Eddie answered "You wanted to feel strong and dominant, when in reality: you were WEAK and REPRESSED"

"SHUT UP!" Dream Frank shouted punching him so hard knocking him to the ground "Get up and FIGHT!"

"I told you...I'm not gonna fight you..." Eddie said standing up.

"If you don't fight, I'll beat the crap out of you!" Dream Frank warned.

"You can beat me all you want, but that doesn't change the fact that your parents died and you became a coward for not accepting it or taking ANY responsibility for your actions" Eddie said "Me for the other hand: I've become 10 times the person that you'll NEVER be"

"I said SHUT UP!" Dream Frank shouted as he was going to punch again...but it was stopped by the real Frank.

"Get away from my son!" Frank said as he punched Dream Frank.

The fight between the two Franks began. Frank gave Dream Frank a combo of punches and kicks.

"Dad, what are doing?!" Eddie asked.

"I'm sorry, son, but I couldn't leave you alone with...me" Frank answered as Dream Frank attacked him, but he kicked him.

"I was going to stand up against him without using any violence!" Eddie said.

"Trust me: when it comes to violent people, you can't reason with them" Frank said, holding Dream Frank back "You gotta tame them like a lion!"

Meanwhile, back in the second dream, Meg was weaving around the missiles that the train was now firing while Axel continued firing at the train.

"Okay, how the hell does a train have missiles?" Axel screamed as he reloads the minigun.

"Thomas The Tank Engine meets Al-Queda?" Bobby joked…before getting elbowed in the face by Jet.

Unfortunately, one of the missiles hit one of the Cadillac's wheels, causing the vehicle to swerve out of control and off a cliff.

"Ooooooh Jeeeeeeeeesus Fuuuuuuuuu-" Axel, Meg, Jet, and Bobby screamed, their voices distorted in slow-mo, while the unconscious bodies of Eddie, Frank, and Roark floated mid-air in the car.

Back in the third dream, the gravity shifted (due to the changes in the second dream) and the house was thrown on it's side, creating an epic fight scene between Frank and Dream Frank.

(A/E: You gotta admit it, three years since its release and these fight scenes are still awesome)

Meanwhile in the first dream, Amy continued using her karate against the subjects, but there were so many of them and she was getting tired.

"***heavily breathing*** Oh my gosh...this is very hard!" Amy said as she looked at her friends and family dreaming "Well, I guess I have no choice..."

In the second dream, the cadillac landed hard on the ground, causing the third dream's gravity to turn back to normal. Frank and Dream Frank are still fighting.

"Stop hurting our family!" Frank said.

"Don't tell me what to do!" Dream Frank said "It's all their fault that I'm miserable!"

"No, it was OUR OWN FAULT!" Frank said, punching him to emphasize his point, getting emotional at the same time "WE DID THIS TO OURSELVES! WE RUINED OUR LIVES! THERE'S NOBODY TO BLAME FOR BUT OURSELVES!"

Frank threw Dream Frank aside and started crying.

"Dad?" Eddie asked.

"It's useless...not matter what I do, nothing will change what I did" Frank said in vain "You better get out of here...and let me die here..."

"I won't leave you, Dad!" Eddie said, trying to cheer him up "We can't give up after coming this far. We can do it! NEVER GIVE UP!"

In the second dream: Meg could hear what Eddie said.

"Never give up..." Meg said as she closed the eyes and she used her imagination to freeze the train.

"What the hell?" Macy asked.

"Who did that?" Bobby asked.

"Was that you, Meg?" Axel asked.

"Deus Ex Machina!" Jet exclaimed.

Then in the first dream: Amy tied up everyone and she was ready to jump off the building.

"Okay, here I go: one...two...THREE!" Amy exclaimed as she jumped off along the others.

'The kick' effect began: the three dream started tearing apart since our heroes are waking up.

"It's the kick, we gotta get out of here!" Dr. Roark said.

Eddie and Frank followed him, but then Eddie's foot was grabbed by Dream Frank, whose body was weakening, but clutched tightly in his fist was a broken beer bottle.

"You're dead, you little bastard..." Dream Frank said.

"You will not pass!" Eddie said, kicking him off and used his imagination to summoned a sword and swinging to keep him away for him "I am Eddie Walker, son of Frank and Helena Walker and brother of Amy Walker. You're just the shell of a new and noble man! Go back to the hell where you came from!"

"Your son really loves reading fantasy novels" Dr. Roark said.

"EDDIE!" Frank said.

"YOU...SHALL NOT...PASS!" Eddie exclaimed shoving the sword to the ground, making Dream Frank fall into the emptiness.

But then Eddie lost balance and fall into the emptiness too.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Frank screamed as he jumped off into the emptiness to save his son.

Dr. Roark just closed his eyes to wake up.

...

Dr. Roark finally woke up, along with the others.

"Uh...what the hell happened?" Meg asked.

"I felt like I ate a pizza with peanut butter and clams" Jet said.

"Did we fall asleep?" Amy asked.

"Yeah, when do we start the test?" Axel asked.

"Just what I thought: you guys can't remember anything" Dr. Roark said.

"Remember what?" Meg asked as she looked at Eddie and Frank still sleeping "Hey, these two are still sleeping"

"They have to wake up..." Dr. Roark said.

Dream Sequence

It shows the first scene from the beginning of the chapter...yeah, I'll get to the point.

"I need...to...forget...the past"

"The...past?" Frank asked until he realized who's the old man really is.

"Am I right...Dad?" The old man asked.

"Yes...we still need to do that..." Frank said "What should we do...?"

"Start...a new...life" old Eddie said, grabbing his hand.

Dream Sequence's end

Frank and Eddie finally woke up.

"They woke up!" Amy cheered.

"Amy...Meg...guys..." Eddie said.

"Looks like your trip is finally over" Dr. Roark said.

"Dad...?" Eddie asked looking at Frank.

"Son...?" Frank asked looking at Eddie.

Then they both powerfully hugged.

"I missed you!" Eddie said.

"Me too!" Frank said.

"That means Eddie finally got over his daddy issues" Meg said.

"What you're talking about, Meg?" Eddie asked.

"We never had issues" Frank answered.

"Wait, you don't remember anything after Grandpa and Granny died?" Amy asked.

"No...I just remember after they died, I joined the army after that and all the hell I've been through" Frank said "I lived in Asia for a while and I could only think about going back home...with my family"

"I also don't remember anything after my grandparents died" Eddie said "Except after they died, my Dad has to go to the army, I became a bully...and well, you know the story" then he gave his hand to Frank "But now that it's here, I hope he doesn't leave ever again"

"That's I promise that I'm never gonna break..." Frank said.

"Congratulations, you both have restored your relationship" Dr. Roark said...as he opened the door "Now get out of my office, I have to help a kid who has 'weird' feelings for his older sister"

Everybody got out of the office, except Axel.

"I remember everything you know." Axel said "You can pull the reset button on everyone else…but not me."

"Then you must understand why I did what I did." Dr. Roark said.

"Are you kidding? I'm glad you did that!" Axel praised "That means Eddie will stop being a whiny bitch"

"You're welcome" Dr. Roark said.

Axel smirked as he was about to leave, before looking at Roark

"Say, Roark…you think I could borrow that machine sometimes?" Axel asked "There are a couple of sexual fantasies I want to carry out."

"But Axel. Those subjects will attack you…and I would hate to see what goes on in your head." Dr. Roark answered.

"Don't worry, doc. You might be pleasantly surprised." Axel replied.

**Cutaway**

It showed Cartman and Big Mac sitting at two separate desks in what seems to be an office. Cartman was playing with his pencil while Big Mac was filling out paperwork…by hoof-printing them. They were both wearing white-collared shirts with ties.

"So...Big Mac, are you coming to the block party Bender is throwing in Axel's sexual part of the brain?" Cartman asked.

"Eeyup" Big Mac answered

"Going to bang some chicks there?" Cartman asked.

"Eenope" Big Mac answered

"Come on. Cheerilee doesn't have to find out." Cartman said.

"Eenope" Big Mac answered

"You're no fun" Cartman said.

**Cutaway End**

Then in the Griffins' house; Meg was telling her family about what happened today.

"So, Eddie and his father can't remember anything about their horrible past" Lois asked.

"Yeah...I guess it's for the best" Meg said "I mean, what if they remember it? It won't change anything"

"Yeah, yeah, interesting story" Peter said uninterested "My turn: guess who's back in our neighborhood"

"Who?" Brian asked.

Somebody came in to the house: CLEVELAND BROWN!

"I'm back, bitches!" Cleveland cheered "And I'm not alone: I brought my whole new family with me!"

"Momma Donna is in the house!" Donna greeted.

"I'm here, bitches!" Roberta greeted "You gotta deal with me!"

"And me!" Rallo greeted.

"May the Force be with me!" Junior said.

"Fourteen years old..." Cleveland said shaking his head in disappointment "Wait, he's now 15"

"Wow, that's a huge surprise!" Lois said.

"I can't wait for more adventures in the story!" Cleveland said.

(A/E: Ah...here's the thing: this chapter is over. You gotta wait next time)

"Oh, what a load of bull..." Cleveland complained as the screen turned black.

**End of the Chapter**


	27. White Magician

**Chapter 27: White Magician**

At James Woods High School, Amy was giving Roberta a tour of the school.

"Since we're classmates, you gotta learn every installment of this school" Amy said "Every classroom has a number, we're #5, we also got the bathrooms, the janitor room, you know: the usual stuff"

"Meg wasn't lying when she told me you never shut up" Roberta said.

Then Roberta crashed against Bobby, who was carrying a bunch of books.

"Ow!" Bobby screamed, ending up to the ground,

"Hey, watch it!" Roberta warned.

"Sorry" Bobby said looking at Roberta, and he saw the beauty in her, as angels began singing in the background, "Ah...I'm Robert Jackson Jr. But Everybody calls me Bobby"

"Whatever, just stay out of my way, twerp!" Roberta said as she continued the tour.

"Did she call you 'twerp'?" Jet asked "You're three years older than her"

"I know, but, DAMN!" Bobby said "Look at her: she's hot as hell"

"And out of your league" Jet said.

"I can wait three years" Bobby replied "You know, when she's legal"

"I mean, she has a boyfriend" Jet said "Maybe they're both miles apart, but they use video chat"

"Damn, that sucks, man" Bobby said "Just like the ending of **Mass Effect 3**"

**Cutaway**

A guy was playing the game until he saw the ending.

"WHAT THE F*CK THEY WERE THINKING?!" the guy asked, outraged.

**(A/E: I never played the games, but so many fans hate this game for that reason)**

**Cutaway's end**

Elsewhere, Cleveland Jr. was busy walking through the hallway, being shown around by Chris.

"Okay, Junior, since you are pretty much a freshman here, there is one rule you gotta remember." Chris started, "Stay the away from all the jocks."

"But why, Chris?" Cleveland Jr. asked.

"Because jocks' sole purpose in life are to make us guys' lives a living hell. Allow me to show you." Chris said, as he showed Junior the cafeteria. Cleveland Junior gasped as he saw all the jocks in letter jackets.

"Oh god…" Junior whimpered.

"Yeah. To make matters worse, they come in breeds." Chris quipped, "You got your normal jocks."

It showed the usual jocks, arm wrestling.

"Hunger Games jocks."

It showed the teenagers from the first Hunger Games. When a kid walks past them, they gain on him and began killing him.

"Zombie jocks."

Another kid walks past a bunch of green-skinned jocks…and they began eating his brain.

"Brony jocks."

It showed two jocks playing with _My Little Pony _dolls (Derpy Hooves and Spitfire). But then a kid had Princess Cadence and the jocks attacked him to get it.

"What do I do?" Junior asked.

"Well, normally, I would find myself a hole to hide in till graduation. However, if you are lucky like me, you can hang out with the most bad-ass kid in the entire school."

"Really? Who?"

"Him." Chris pointed and Junior looked. At the opposite end of the cafeteria, sitting at the table by himself, was Axel.

Chris and Cleveland Junior approached the hunter, and Axel took note of them.

"Oh, hey, Chris. Who's Fat Albert here?" Axel asked.

"Axel. Meet Cleveland Junior. He just moved here with my dad's friend's family from Stoolbend." Chris introduced.

"Hi." Junior nervously said.

"Hey there. Name's Axel Everett, hunter, playboy, kickass." The hunter smirked.

"I had been telling Junior about surviving high school here and I was thinking that he could join our little group. What do you say?" Chris asked.

"Depends." Axel asked, as he got close in Junior's face, "Do you enjoy dressing up as a woman?"

"Does dressing up as Michael Jackson for a musical number count?"

"No, but it's pushing it."

"Then no."

"Attitude on sexual intercourse?"

"Pledged to be a virgin till I marry."

"Unusual, but I can respect that. Last question…do you like _Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole_?"

"Yes. It's a crime that movie was ill-received as it was." Cleveland said "Zack Snyder is a visually-stunning director. But I hate what he did with Superman..."

Axel smiled as he suddenly hugged them, "Welcome to the club, you fat bastard." He lets go, "Good thing too. We were lacking sorely in the black department."

**Cutaway**

It showed Axel, Dylan, Chris, and Zack in Africa, where a bunch of zebras grazed.

"Okay…any idea as to how I land one of these gals?" Axel asked.

"I don't know. I'm too afraid that something I say will offend the African Americans reading this." Zack admits.

"Who would had thought that zebras from animated movies would be voiced by black people? Especially when they are all black and white." Dylan said.

"Oh no, here's come the complaints." Axel quipped.

Due to the controversial attitude that these four idiots had exhibited, they will not be in the rest of the chapter…especially Axel…and probably not Chris, since he is important to the plot.

"That's bullcrap!" Zack said.

SHUT UP!

**Cutaway's End**

Meanwhile, at a cafe, Eddie was with his camera. He was apparently making a film that involves Matt in a date with...Jaina Ryder?

"And...action!" Eddie exclaimed.

"You know, Dana (Jaina's character), we've been dating for a while and...I think I love you" Matt said.

"Oh my god, really, Tom (Matt's character)? That turns me ON!" Jaina said, really horny.

"Cut!" Eddie ordered "Jaina, for the last time, stop overreacting. We are trying to simulate an actual situation, not a porno."

"Eddie, how is this gonna help me in getting a date with Katie?" Matt asked.

"What do you like about her anyway?" Jaina asked.

Matt remembered the day she fell in love with her.

**Flashback**

When the Carnival was staying in Quahog, Matt was in the shooting gallery where you use a toy gun to shoot the crystal bottles. But he missed all the three shots.

"Damn it, I knew it I should had asked Axel for help!" Matt said, frustrated.

"Are ya' sure?" Katie asked, suddenly appearing.

"Katie?" Matt asked.

"Let me show ya'" Katie answered, putting a five dollar bill on the table to get a toy gun.

Then Katie, in an amazing speed, shot the crystal bottles. 3 out of 3.

"Wow, that was..." Matt said.

"Good?" Katie asked getting a teddy bear (who resembles Ted from that movie of the same name) "Nah, I'm not as good as your pal Axel"

They spent the rest of the afternoon together in the Carnival. They even went to the circus where they saw the animals and the trapezeartists. But when the clowns came out, they got out of here, meaning they're both afraid of clowns.

_Wait, hold on..._

**Flashback's end**

"Isn't that date similar to mine and Meg's?" Eddie asked.

"Don't you think the author is running out of 'romantic ideas'?" Jaina asked.

"I can't blame him. Every romantic situations I can think of had already been used once by another author." Matt explained.

"Whatever reason, I admire your crush on her, pretty similar when I fell in love with Meg" Eddie said.

"Why don't you use your magic to make her fall in love with you?" Jaina asked.

"Because that would be wrong" Matt answered "If I wanna conquer her heart, I must show her that I'm a good guy and worthy of her love."

Then they saw a building on fire.

"HELP, MY BABY IS TRAPPED!" a mother screamed.

"Holy crap, somebody needs to help that woman" Eddie said as he realized Matt was gone "Matt?"

Matt was inside of the burning building. He was using a magical bubble to shield himself from the fire. He finally found the baby.

"Don't worry, little guy, you'll be with your mom very..." Part of the ceiling collapsed in front of the exit,"...soon. Great, now how am I gonna get out of here? Oh yeah! The teleporting spell! I hope I don't end up like a Jeff Goldblum-Fly (reference of _the Fly_ remake, starring Jeff Goldblum)" Matt said.

He focused his magic and then...

***POOF***

He disappeared and reappeared out of the building. Without being noticed by anyone. He went to the mother to give her baby.

"Is this your baby, ma'am?" Matt asked.

"MY BABY!" the mother cheered hugging him "Thank you very much, young man"

"You're welcome" Matt said.

"No, really, if it wasn't for you: my baby would be dead!" The mother said "I wouldn't figure out how to move on with my life"

"I'm serious, I'm glad I..." Matt said.

"I would kill myself, then my husband would re-marry a prostitute!" The mother continued.

"I didn't need to hear that, good-bye" Matt said as he leaves.

"Matt, what you did in that building was unbelievable" Eddie said "You should consider using your powers to help people"

"You mean like a superhero?" Matt asked "It's not a bad idea. I just need a costume, a mask and cool catchphrase"

"You can read my Superman and Spider-Man comic books and the book '1,000 One Liners' by Arnold Schwarzenegger" Eddie said.

"Does that book exist?" Matt asked.

"There's even an audiobook" Eddie answered.

**Cutaway**

The audiobook CD was playing with Arnold's voice.

Chapter 67: how to use 'I'll be back' right: You can use it in a bank when you wanted to crash it with a truck. You can also use it on some douchebag who kidnapped your daughter. But never use it when you've already used it so many times, it gets old and lame. Chapter 68: how to use 'Hasta La Vista, Baby' right.

**Cutaway's end**

Meanwhile, in the Drunken Clam; Peter, Joe and Quagmire were giving Cleveland a welcome back.

"I'm glad you're back with us, Cleveland" Peter said.

"Just like the old days" Joe said.

"All right!" Quagmire cheered.

"Thank you, guys" Cleveland thanked "But I do wonder how my buddies from Stoolbend are doing now that I am not there anymore."

**Flashback**

Tim, Lester and Holt were celebrating Tim's birthday in the Stool. But they were sad, because Cleveland wasn't there.

"My birthday isn't the same without Cleveland" Tim said.

"Nothing here is the same without Cleveland" Holt said.

"He was the least black of the black men" Lester said "Right, Kendra?"

But Kendra was eating Tim's birthday cake.

"Excuse me, did you say something?" Kendra asked.

**Flashback's end**

"Thank god Waterman Cable Company had another building here, so I can keep my job" Cleveland said.

"Yeah, nobody hires black people in this city like they used to." Quagmire said.

"Why is Horace taking so long with the beers?" Peter asked.

"Yeah, he was supposed to bring his 'super special magical mixed drinks" Joe said.

"I'll go check it out" Peter said, standing up and going for Horace.

"So...how is your wife, buddy?" Quagmire asked.

"Don't even think about it, Glenn..." Cleveland warned.

"I won't, I promise..." Quagmire said "...is your step-daughter 18 now?"

***POW***

Meanwhile; Peter looked in the beer storage and he found Horace dead.

"OH MY GOD!" Peter screamed.

"What's going on?!" Joe asked.

"Horace is dead!" Peter answered.

Joe identified the dead body: he was stabbed by a wooden stake and something written in blood on Horace's chest: R.I.H.

"R.I.H.?" Joe asked "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" He turned around and saw Peter stealing some beer bottles "PETER!"

"It's what Horace wanted!" Peter said.

Meanwhile, in Helena's Modeling Building; Eddie asked Lori to make Matt's superhero costume.

"Thank you, Lori for making my friend's superhero costume" Eddie thanked.

"You're welcome, but isn't he too old to pretend being a superhero?" Lori asked.

"It's his Halloween costume" Eddie answered.

"But Halloween was several weeks ag-" Lori said.

"I don't pay you to ask questions." Eddie said.

"You're not even my boss" Lori replied.

_I'm done!_

Matt came out wearing a blue mask with white Spider-Man-like lenses, a white fedora, a white spandex suit with a 'WM' on the chest, blue gloves, a blue cape and blue boots.

"I look pretty cool, huh?" Matt asked, shrouding his body with his cape.

"I did a decent job" Lori said.

"You did more than a decent job" Eddie said "Did you think of a cool catchphrase?"

"I got a dozen" Matt said as he posed "Injustice! Prepare to meet Justice!"

"No, too simple" Eddie said.

"How about...? I eat criminal club sandwich for lunch! No condiments required!" Matt said doing another pose.

"That will make your enemy hungry" Eddie said "Look, how about you start with helping people? Maybe the catchphrase will come to you."

"That happens?" Matt asked.

"Like the discovery of electricity" Eddie answered.

**Flashback**

Benjamin Franklin was flying his kite.

"There's no better night like a stormy night to be flying my kite." Franklin said.

***THUNDERCLAP***

***ZAAAAAAP***

He ended on the ground, toasted.

"Wow, I discovered electricity!" Franklin said "I can't wait to tell the others!"

But up in Heaven; God was coming out of the bathroom.

"Ugh, maybe I should stay away from those beefy nachos." God complained.

**Flashback's end**

In the Browns/Tubbs' house, Roberta was in her room preparing her laptop to video-chat with her boyfriend.

"Time for my date online" Roberta said focusing her web camera.

In Roberta's laptop screen showed Federline Jones naked.

"Yo, yo, babe!" Federline greeted "I miss you, my sweet chocolate milk!"

"I miss you too, my little white bread without crusts" Roberta said "This town sucks, I'm surrounded by idiots in school. Well except for that cute hunter guy I had a fling with."

"Are you done, Federline...?" a female voice off-screen asked.

"Not now!" Federline said.

"Who's there?" Roberta asked, suspicious.

"Ah...it's my cousin: Rachel...ah...McRich...Jones" Federline answered.

But the off-screen person was actually...LACEY STAPLETON (she appeared in 'The Curious Case of Jr. Working at the Stool')!

"Hey there, loser!" Lacey greeted, she was in her pink underwear.

"LACEY STAPLETON?!" Roberta asked outraged.

"Babe, it's not what you think!" Federline said.

"Your boyfriend couldn't survive without you, so he hired me as his 'friend with benefits'" Lacey said with an arrogant tone.

"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!" Roberta asked, extremely furious.

"Please, babe, let me explain!" Federline said.

"DON'T TALK TO ME EVER AGAIN!" Roberta shouted, slamming her laptop and starting to cry on her bed like any teen girl after being cheated on by her boyfriend.

"Geez, is she having her period again?" Rallo asked "Why does the best thing that men could have has the biggest downside?"

Then Cleveland went downstairs and he fell down.

"OW! MY JEWELS!" Cleveland screamed of pain, covering his crotch.

"Aside that" Rallo added.

Next day, in the Griffins' house; the family were watching TV.

And we're back with 'What's your name?'

**TV Cutaway**

It was a contest where for some reason, the contestant has to say his name to win.

"Okay, Maggie, if you say your name correctly, you win $10,000!" The host said.

"All right!" Maggie said excited "My name is...!" but then the host took out a memory easer and wiped out her memory "...where am I?"

***BUZZ***

"I'm sorry, Maggie, your name isn't 'where am I'" the host said "Better luck next time!"

Suddenly Channel 5 News logo appeared on screen.

"We interrupt this program for some breaking news" Tom said.

"A new hero had been showing his face around town. 'The White Magician', they call him. He has been saving lives across town for the last couple of days." Joyce said.

Footage of Matt as the White Magician is shown: he captured a group of bank robbers, he put out the fire of a burning building, and saved several little girls' cats...and a duck. Tricia Takanawa approached to talk to him.

"Is there anything you can tell us about yourself?" Tricia asked.

"Just three words: Justice is magic!" The White Magician said in a heroic tone.

**Cutaway**

It showed Discord watching TV.

"How unoriginal." Discord commented, drinking a cup of tea.

**Cutaway End**

**TV Cutaway's end**

"Wow, this guy is awesome!" Chris said "I'd wish I can do stuff like that!"

"Chris, I think I know who this guy is" Meg said noticing the White Wizard's similar powers to Matt's Spelllbook's powers...then suddenly her cellphone rang "Hello? oh, hi Roberta! How's your day going?" she heard something that surprised her "Oh my god, really?" She heard something else "Don't worry, I'll be here right now" she hung off.

"What's going on, Meg?" Lois asked.

"It's Roberta, her boyfriend just cheated on her." Meg answered "She needs somebody to comfort her"

She leaves the house to go to Roberta's house.

"Wait, wait, wait, hold on a second...somebody actually needs MEG's help?" Peter asked "My god, is this a sign? A sign that the world is finally ending?"

"Peter, first off: that whole end of the world crap ended almost a year ago," Brian said "Second: just because Meg finally has a friend who needs her that doesn't mean something is wrong"

"What's next, Chris getting better grades in school?" Peter asked.

"Oh, I almost forgot: I got a B in science test!" Chris answered taking out his test.

"That's wonderful, Chris!" Lois praised.

Peter ran away screaming.

"Wait, no, that's actually a D" Chris said.

"Oh, Chris..." Lois said, disappointingly shaking her head.

**TV Cutaway**

"Unbelievable, isn't it, Tom?" Joyce asked.

"Absolutely, who owns ducks as pets in these days?" Tom asked, missing the point. Then somebody gave him a piece of paper to read, "Oh, here's some extra news: more and more victims of a serial killer are turning up, including a magician in a magic show, a fortuneteller, a bartender for some reason and three teenage girls who were doing a...'ceremony blossom'? What the hell is that?"

"Oh, I know that: it's when a group of friends have their first period at the same time and they have a ceremony to celebrate the beginning of womanhood" Joyce explained.

"Sounds gross." Tom replied, pissing Joyce off, "Anywho, police assumes that this serial killer is none other than Trevor Clarkson, assisted by his daughter, Natalie Clarkson. Trevor is wanted in 17 states for the murder of 11 teenage girls, all of whom been burned to death. At a hearing, Trevor alleged that they were all evil witches and he will not rest till he finished what the crazy bastards in Salem started...he didn't say that last part…I just think those guys were crazy. I would be careful, Joyce."

"F*ck you, Tom!" Joyce cursed.

**TV Cutaway's end**

"Oh my god, a man and his daughter killing teenage girls because they think they're witches?" Lois asked, scared "What kind of world are we living in?"

"Oh, I extend them an invitation to join my evil alliance to take over the world." Stewie said.

**Stewie's imagination**

Meanwhile, at the Legion of Doom

A Stewie's head-shaped dome rose out of a murky swamp.

Stewie (dressed like Lex Luthor) made his own 'Legion of Doom'. We see the Joker, Dr. Octopus, Slade from Teen Titans, M. Bison from _Street Fighter_, Sephiroth from _Final Fantasy_, Scar from _the Lion King_, Nyra from _Legend of the Guardians_ and so many others violating the copyrights.

"Okay, we're all going to send a message to all the heroes in the world that tells that we're from another planet who needs heroes" Stewie said "It will be in a very distant planet, that'll give us enough time to conquer the world. Any questions?"

Jack Spicer from _Xiaolin Showdown_, who was sweeping the floor, raised his hand.

"I have a question" Jack said.

"Shut up, Jack!" Stewie said "I recruited you, because Chase Young was too busy. You suck in being evil!"

That made Jack cried as one of his Jack-bots gave him a tissue.

**(A/E: Yeah, I forgot how much I liked the show. Thank God, they made a sequel series called _Xiaolin Chronicles _and it kicks ass! _Legend of Korra_ is awesome too)**

"That was cruel, don't you think, Stewie?" Jasper Batt Jr. (from _No More Heroes 2_) said.

"Don't get me started on you too, Jasper BUTT!" Stewie yelled.

**Stewie's imagination end**

Meanwhile, at the Brown/Tubbs' house; Meg was comforting Roberta in her room.

"***crying*** How could he do this to me?" Roberta asked "I know my mom and my step-dad didn't like him, in fact: nobody liked him! I was the only person who liked him and how does he pay me? Sleeping with that blond snot-nosed bitch!"

"Wow, I think I would be feel the same if Eddie dump me for Connie D'Amico" Meg said "I can imagine that..."

**Meg's imagination**

It was drawn like a comic book by Frank Miller (dark and gritty); Connie and Eddie were naked and making out in a hotel room, ready for sex. Until Meg appeared with a gun and...

***BANG***

Then Meg is shown with a rope, ready to hang herself.

"Wow, this comic looks very realistic" Neil said reading the comic.

**Meg's imagination end**

"You know what? Screw him, he doesn't deserve you" Meg said "You're now a free girl, you can be with anyone you want!"

"Hey, you're right!" Roberta said "I still have my sweet boobs and my sweet ass"

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Meg asked.

"MAKE OVERS!" both girls exclaimed.

Then a montage of both girls doing make overs is shown: they wore make up, they worse party dresses (Meg's was red and Roberta's was blue), they wore bikinis (Meg's was pink and Roberta's yellow), they also dressed up like business people, like astronauts, like Batman and Robin (Meg was Batman and Roberta was Robin). The montage happened with a fragment of the song 'I Gotta Feeling' by the Black Eyed Peas.

_I gotta feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night  
>That tonight's gonna be a good night<br>That tonight's gonna be a good, good night_

Meanwhile; Joe and his men were investigating the victims murdered by the witch hunters. They were now at the scene of the crime. For some odd reasons, Peter, Quagmire, and Cleveland was there.

"Why did you call us, Joe?" Peter asked.

"Remember how Horace died?" Joe asked "These victims died the same way"

"Yeah, they have the same letters" Cleveland said.

"Can I take at look at these dead teenage girls?" Quagmire asked.

"My god, Quagmire, I know you have f*cked up fetishes, but have some respect for the dead!" Joe said.

"What? It's not what you think...!" Quagmire said defensive "...maybe"

"This is serious, guys" Joe said "This hunter feller is a real piece of work. He will most likely hunt down anyone he thinks is a witch. Whatever we do, we have to make sure we do don't do anything that pertains to magic, whether it be fake magic, real magic, Las Vegas magic, or unicorn magic, got it?"

"Okay, Joe, no magic." Peter said as his cellphone rang "Hello?"

A line divided the screen to show off Meg and Roberta, they were wearing sexy witches dresses with pointy hats and heel boots: Meg was wearing a purple one and Roberta a ruby one.

"Hi, Dad" Meg said "I'm going with Roberta to the Fantasy Convention"

"We're going as witches!" Roberta said.

"Oh, cool, have fun!" Peter said as he hung up, "...wait, I feel like I forgot something..."

"Hey, why don't we call that Axel kid that Peter been telling me about? He sounds like he knows a thing or two about hunters." Cleveland suggested.

"I already tried calling him. For some odd reason, he had disappeared for the duration of this chapter. Something about comparing zebras to black people or something." Peter answered.

"Hey guys, I know there's a serial killer out there and all, but how about, for old times' sake, we go hunting for him wearing our SUPER AWESOME A-TEAM COSTUMES?!" Joe asked excited.

"YAYYYY!" Cleveland cheered.

"ALL RIGHT!" Quagmire cheered.

"FREAKIN' SWEET!" Peter cheered.

Then the A-Team intro is shown with the four friends in their respective roles. Just exactly like the first time.

**Narrator: **_In 2005, a group of local misfits won a costume contest at an 80's TV show convention. These men return home and drank some beer, and through a series of odd events, attempted to imitate the characters of the A-Team. Now, 8 years later in 2013, with the return of their old friend, they are back. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them again…you can hire…the A-Team._

(Cue the A-Team theme music)

Starring Peter Griffin as John 'Hannibal' Smith

Glenn Quagmire as Face

Joe Swanson as 'Howlin' Mad' Murdoch

And Cleveland Brown as B.A. Baracus

The guys are sitting at the bar still.

"Ah, just like old times." Peter smiled.

Later that night, at the Kennedy's' house; Matt (wearing his normal clothes) was sneaking up to his room since he passed his curfew. But then somebody turned on the lights of the living room, it was his father (wearing a red bathrobe), who's been waiting for him. Here's some nonsense family drama without any buildup:

"Where have you been?" Bruce asked "You were supposed to be here by 9. It's 10:15 P.M."

"I was...I was..." Matt said really nervous.

"Don't even dare lie to me" Bruce said crossing his arms "I'm a lawyer, I know when somebody's lying"

"You wouldn't understand" Matt said.

"What wouldn't I understand?" Bruce asked "Don't tell me you're...on drugs"

"What? No!" Matt said "I just can't tell, okay!"

"Matt, you better tell me what you're doing" Bruce said "Maybe I'm not your mother..."

"Then stop pretending you are!" Matt shouted.

"Matthew Kennedy, don't raise your voice to me!" Bruce demanded.

But then Matt raised his hand, magically pushed his father against the wall, shattering a crystal vase as he began levitating his father.

"What the...?!" Bruce asked, shocked by what he's saying.

"Why did she die...?" Matt asked "TELL ME!"

Then Sophie came downstairs and saw this.

"Matt, stop!" Sophie screamed.

Matt saw his little sister and put his dad down.

"Sophie..." Matt whispered.

"What were you doing to Daddy?!" Sophie asked.

"I didn't mean to!" Matt said "I don't know what happened!"

"Son...did you do that?" Bruce asked.

"Yes..." Matt answered, taking out the Spellbook "With this book's help"

"Where did you get that?" Bruce asked.

"From a weird old merchant several months ago" Matt said "Look"

Matt focused his powers to levitate the broken crystal vase and fix it.

"I cannot believe it" Bruce said "Sophie, you knew about this too?"

"I'm sorry, Daddy" Sophie said ashamed "I was afraid that you would treat my brother different"

"There's more: I'm White Magician" Matt said "I use my powers to protect this city's people. But, if you don't agree with me, burn this book and call the police to respond my crimes"

"Crimes? You consider a crime using your powers with responsibility?" Bruce asked.

"Please, Daddy!" Sophie said hugged her brother "Don't let him be taken away!"

"I wouldn't do such a thing" Bruce said hugging his children "You're part of my life. You're everything I've got"

"So, are you okay with my heroic acts?" Matt asked.

"I won't lie to you, Son..." Bruce said "This whole magic thing is too sudden for me. But I'm very proud that you use it for people's sake and I'm sure your mother too"

"Thank you, Dad..." Matt thanked.

"Matt, do you have a spell that...I don't know...allow us to talk with Mommy?" Sophie asked.

"There is, but it's not that simple" Matt said "I'm not that powerful as to perform that kind of spell. This isn't like _Star Wars_ that when a Jedi died, he becomes a phantom of the Force"

**Cutaway**

In the ending of _Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi_, after Anakin returned as a phantom of the Force.

"You look good, Anakin" Obi-Wan said.

"Wait, that means Pádme can return too?" Anakin asked.

"A Jedi she never was, impossible it is" Yoda answered.

"Oh, that sucks..." Anakin said.

"But look who have returned" Obi-Wan said.

They turned around: it was Mace Windu, the Jedi Council, the younglings Anakin killed and all the Jedis who died during the Order 66 AFTER Anakin became Darth Vader. Everyone were glaring at Anakin.

"You're screwed, motherf*cker" Mace Windu said.

"Goddamn it!" Anakin cursed.

_Cutaway's end_

In the morning; Lois was in the kitchen with a cup of coffee and she was shaking like hell.

"Lois?" Brian asked.

"Meg didn't come home last night" Lois answered taking a coffee slurp "I tried to call her, but she didn't pick up!"

"Don't worry, Lois, I'm gonna find our daughter" Peter said, dressed up still as Hannibal.

"Really?" Lois asked with high hopes.

"Wow, is this actually happening?" Brian asked surprised.

"As soon I find that witch hunter" Peter said.

"OH, COME ON!" Lois shouted.

"Never mind" Brian said.

"Hey guys, look!" Chris called.

The television was showing a viral video.

**TV Cutaway**

Hello, citizens of Quahog. I am the one you people call the 'Witch Hunter', the one who had been doing God's work and eliminating the spawns of Satan himself. It had come to my attention that there is a hero here that uses the forbidden magic of the witches. Do not fear, you worthless cretins, I shall exterminate this evil being. Not only that, I will do it for you for free. White Magician, if you are watching this, do know that I now have two of your fellow witches in captivities. Oddly enough, I caught them at a fantasy convention of all places.

They revealed Meg and Roberta tied up together...in a sexy way that would be considered fan-service.

**TV Cutaway's end**

"OH MY GOD, MEG!" Lois screamed.

"Am I the only one feeling dirty watching this?" Chris asked.

"OH, GROSS, CHRIS!" Peter said "THAT'S YOUR SISTER! GO TO YOUR ROOM!"

"Okay..." Chris said in a sad tone as he did as such.

**TV Cutaway**

So here's a message to you, White Magician: Meet me at City Hall and surrender yourself…or I will burn these witches alive right in front of the masses like back in the good old days. May all witches…burn in HELL!"

***Buzzzzzz***

Suddenly, he came back on.

Oh, and if you see a guy named Axel around, tell that little brat that I am going to get him for screwing me over on that hundred bucks he owe me!

***Buzzzzzzz***

**TV Cutaway's end**

"We gotta rescue them!" Lois said.

"But we gotta find that witch hunter guy!" Peter said.

"Peter, that man IS THE WITCH HUNTER! He just said it on live TV!" Brian said in exasperation.

"Wait…so that wasn't some Halloween prank?" Peter asked.

In anger, Lois grabs Peter by the collar and slams him into the wall.

"***through her teeth*** You listen and you listen good. You are going to get your stupid-ass friends together and you are going to save our daughter, or I swear to God, I will smother you in your sleep and f*ck Brian and Axel on your f*cking corpse." Lois warned.

"What?" Brian asked.

"OKAY, OKAY!" Peter agreed, painfully.

"Geez, not even Chi-Chi from DBZ is that extreme" Brian said.

**Cutaway**

Chi-Chi was kicking Cell's ass.

"Leave my Gohan alone, you stinking cockroach alien!" Chi-Chi said.

"Take it easy, Mom!" Gohan (in his Super Saiyan 2 form) said.

"You go back home and study, young man!" Chi-Chi ordered.

"Yes, Mom..." Gohan said in a sad tone before leaving.

**(A/E: I can't wait to watch the episode where Majin Boo turn her into an egg and smash it)**

**Cutaway's end**

In Matt's house; the Kennedy family also heard the news.

"He sounds serious, Matt" Bruce said.

"I can't believe they got my best friend's girlfriend" Matt said.

"You're not gonna surrender to him, are you?" Sophie asked.

"If I don't save her, Eddie will never forgive me" Matt said.

"I'll support you whatever you choose, Son" Bruce said putting his hand on Matt's shoulder.

"Thanks, Dad" Matt thanked "But this is something I must do alone. But first I gotta do something first"

Matt (wearing his White Magician costume) flew away to Rose Farms where he found Katie in her room, doing a breaded ponytail. He magically opened the window and [got] levitated in.

"Hello, Ms. Rose..." White Magician greeted with a deep voice.

"Huh?" Katie asked as she turned around and screamed.

"Wait, calm down..." White Magician said as Katie started beating him up with a baseball bat.

"What are you?!" Katie asked, still beating him up "Are you trying to snap me up like a coyote?!"

"Katie, it's me!" White Magician said taking off his mask "MATT!"

"Matt...?" Katie asked "Why are you dressed like that?"

"You never heard of the White Magician?" Matt said "You know: the new hero of Quahog?"

"We don't have TV" Katie said "My father hates the news"

"God damn it, I knew it that this was a bad idea!" Matt cursed "How could be so stupid?!"

"What are you talking about?" Katie asked.

"***sigh*** Katie, I did this for you" Matt said "I wanted you to see me as a great person. I helped and saved these people so I can impress you. I did this because...because I love you"

"You...love me?" Katie asked blushing.

"But now things are getting uglier" Matt said "Two innocent girls will die if I don't do something. I couldn't do it without telling this to you"

"Matt...you don't need to dress in your pajamas to impress me" Katie said "I like you how you are: one of Eddie's good ol' pals"

"I better hurry if I wanna save Meg and Roberta from getting burned alive" Matt said.

"Meg is in trouble?!" Katie asked outraged "Nobody will put my yankee friend in the grill with BBQ sauce!"

"***mentally*** _Wow, that's another thing I like about her_" Matt thought "***mentally*** _Her confusing yet amusing cowboy metaphors._"

"Matt?" Katie asked.

"Huh? Sorry, I was just..." Matt answered "Anyway, I've got a plan"

That night, at Quahogs' City Hall; the Witch Hunter Trevor Clarkson (he's dirty blond, he wears a beige jacket, white short, blue jeans and black boots) and his daughter Natalie Clarkson (she's also dirty blond with a ponytail, sunglasses, purple neckerchief, white tank top, blue jeans and black high heeled boots) had Meg and Roberta tied to a stake atop a pile of flammable materials. They had their torches ready to burn them alive. The police couldn't do anything, because if they do, they'll set the fire.

"Welcome, citizens of Quahog!" Trevor greeted "Tonight I shall give you entertainment! Let's see if your 'beloved hero' can stop us. Is he a hero...or a demon?"

Suddenly; a van drove right in front of them as the A-Team came out.

"Let them go, scumbags!" Peter ordered.

"Dad!" Meg cheered.

"Why are you dressed like Terry Crews?" Roberta asked.

"I'm not Terry Crews, I'm Mr. T!" Cleveland corrected, then he shook his head "These kids today..."

"Okay, we'll let them go" Trevor said "But first: can you move over to that big red X?"

"This isn't a trap, is it?" Joe asked.

"No, I swear" Trevor answered.

"Come on, Joe, if he says it's not a trap..." Peter said as they moved over the X [and a they fell into a trap hole…then the X is revealed to be a pitfall trap. "Okay, I am getting a weird sense of déjà vu here."

"HAHA! You fell for the oldest trick!" Trevor said.

"This is embarrassing..." Meg said.

"Shut up, Miriam!" Trevor said "If White Magician doesn't show up in a few minutes, you're toast!"

"Wait, who the hell is Miriam?" Meg asked.

"Don't play fool with me, Miriam" Trevor said "I know you're planning to revive your sisters, so you can take over the world. But I'll kill you first before your reign of terror starts!"

"Whoa, you're crazy, man!" Roberta screamed, "What do you think this is, some 54-chapter story revolving about a stupid book from 2008?!"

Suddenly a mist appeared in the middle of the city.

"What's going on?" Joe asked.

Behind the mist, White Magician is revealed, 10 times bigger than his normal size.

"It's him..." Trevor whispered.

"Matt?" Meg asked.

"I...AM...WHITE MAGICIAN!" White Magician exclaimed with a mighty voice "AND I ORDER YOU TO RELEASE THESE INNOCENT GIRLS!"

"NEVER!" Trevor said shooting at him, but the bullets didn't affect him.

"HA, HA, HA! YOUR WEAPONS CANNOT HURT ME!" White Magician said.

"Sweetie, kindly get out a bow and fires some flaming arrows…NOW!" Trevor ordered.

Natalie shot a fiery arrow at White Magician and...he disappeared.

"YES!" Trevor exclaimed in triumph, "NO ONE F*CKS WITH TREVOR S. CLARKSON!".

"No..." Meg said until she felt something was untying her "Roberta?"

"I'm not doing anything" Roberta said.

Then they realized it was Matt and Katie.

"Shh..." Matt said as he pressed a button

Then we see the giant White Magician is actually Eddie dressed up like him. He used a film projector and make himself giant.

"That's impossible!" Trevor said.

"YOU CANNOT HURT ME!" White Magician said "I AM INVINCIBLE!"

"Hey, sir" Meg called Trevor as she punched him in the face "This is for almost burning me alive"

Roberta, Katie and Matt helped the four friends to get out of the hole.

"You're under arrest, Clarkson" Joe said.

But then Natalie took out his gun and point at them.

"Don't move!" Natalie ordered.

"Do it, Natalie..." Trevor said.

Natalie was about to pull the trigger...but she couldn't.

"No" Natalie said dropping her gun.

"What are you doing?!" Trevor asked.

"I won't follow in your footsteps, Dad..." Natalie said "This is the last straw..."

"You traitor!" Trevor screamed, but then he was tackled by Joe.

"You're gonna spend the rest of your days in jail" Joe said, putting the handcuffs on him.

"Do it, officer." Natalie said "And don't forget about me." she offered her hands "A lot of innocent people died because of me"

"Alright…but since you are coming willingly and you are a minor, they might be lenient on your punishment." Joe agreed putting the handcuffs on her.

"Well, sweetie, don't need to thank me for saving you" Peter said.

"What? Matt saved me, you just got trapped in a hole!" Meg said.

"Whatever" Peter said "Let's get boozed!"

"YEAH!" his friends cheered as Meg and Roberta face-palmed.

Meanwhile, somewhere only they know, Matt, Eddie and Katie were reunited.

"Thanks for your help, Eddie" Matt thanked.

"No, thank you. Meg is alive because of you" Eddie said "I owe you big time"

"See, Matt?" Katie asked "You don't need your magical powers to save the day"

"You're right" Matt said "But I'll still continue my job as White Magician to protect the city"

"Well, I gotta leave you both alone" Eddie said as he leaves.

"Katie, I told you how I feel about you" Matt said.

"Well...maybe I can give you a chance" Katie said.

They were about to kiss, but then Matt felt his stomach bumbling and then...

***BLAH***

Matt threw up on her, just like Stan to Wendy in the early South Park episodes and in the end of 'The List'.

**End of the Chapter**


	28. Christmas with the Walkers

**Chapter 28: Christmas with the Walkers**

**In Loving Memory of Paul Walker (1973 - 2013)**

The Walkers were driving on a snowy road. They were going to Boston, Frank's hometown, for the Christmas holidays.

"I'm so excited to spend Christmas with my sisters and brother" Frank said "That's weird, I've hadn't seen them since my parents' death"

"It's been an eternity" Eddie commented.

"I'M SUPER EXCITED...!" Amy cheered until she stopped "...wait. Do they know...?"

"No, they don't" Helena said.

"They don't know what?" Frank asked.

"*nervous* Ah...that their brother is coming!" Helena said "*mentally* They must never know about our dark past"

"Here we are!" Frank said.

They were already in Boston, whose motto was: 'The Place Where Ben Affleck Often Sets His Films'. Then in a black car, there's a bald guy watching it.

He pulled out a cell phone, and called a number.

"Hey, this is Mr. Wheeler here. I am here to report no sightings of the impala or it's driver…no, I'm sure he didn't try to pull a Chitty Chitty Bang Bang," He hangs up, "Seriously, one god-damn movie and suddenly, everyone thinks cars can sprout wings."

The Walkers finally arrived at Frank's old house. It was modest as most of the houses, but a little unattended.

"Wow, the house looks a little...different" Eddie said, trying to sound nice.

"I guess we'll do more than just decorating the tree" Frank said "All right, let's go"

"Wait, are you sure they're ready to see us?" Helena asked.

"Dear, they've been waiting for me for over 10 years" Frank said "Oh, I get it! You're afraid that they don't like you"

"Come on, Mom, Christmas is about being with your family" Eddie said "I bet the Griffins had a great time shopping on Black Friday"

**Flashback**

Unfortunately; the Black Friday shopping was an intense and bloody medieval-style war. The Griffins were killing everyone in order to buy their Christmas presents. Even Peter was dressed up like Mel Gibson from _Braveheart_.

"They may take our X-Box One, but they'll never take our PS4!" Peter exclaimed decapitating a random guy.

"Why did they call it 'X-Box One'?" Chris asked, stabbing a boy "Shouldn't it be call it 'X-Box 720'?

"Shut up and keep fighting!" Lois ordered, slicing a woman in half with her axe "That expensive coat on sale is MINE!"

"I want that bikini to be sexy for Eddie!" Meg said throwing flaming arrows.

The only ones who weren't fighting are Brian and Stewie. They were sitting on the bench watching the battle with 3-D glasses.

"Told ya, this battle looks awesome in 3-D" Stewie said.

**Flashback's end**

Frank pressed the doorbell.

***DING-DONG!***

The door was opened and revealed an overweight redhead woman. She was wearing a pink dress with purple flowers, a collar with pearls and yellow flats.

"Hello, Maggie" Frank greeted.

"Frankie!" Maggie cheered as she hugged her brother so hard "We miss you so much!"

"***hardly breathing*** Me...too..." Frank said "Can...you...?"

"Oh, sorry" Maggie said letting him go "It's just...where have you been? We've never seen each other since the funeral"

"A lot of things happened...ow, my back" Frank complained.

"The important thing right now is that you're with us" Maggie said as she turned at Eddie and Amy "And looks like you brought the fruits of your tree"

"Hi, Auntie Maggie!" Amy greeted.

"So good to see you" Eddie said.

"Good afternoon, Maggie" Helena greeted "You may remember me"

"Oh, of course I remember you" Maggie said with an upset tone "Are you here to fix the house?"

"Well, if you want it..." Helena said.

"KIDDING FART!" Maggie exclaimed lifting her dress, showing off her big underwear.

***FART***

***everybody laughs, except Helena***

"You're still falling for my farts, aren't you?" Maggie asked.

***awkward laugh*** Yeah, I completely forgot that" Helena answered.

"Come on in!" Maggie said as everybody followed her. Helena brought the suitcases.

"This is going to be a bloody long week" Helena said.

The family went inside. It looked pretty normal, except it was a mess. There were three women in the living room.

"Hey, girls, guess who's back!" Maggie said.

The three woman looked at Frank and they squealed like stupid fangirls. They gave him a hug.

"***hardly breathing*** Not...again..." Frank said.

"You must remember Chloë..." Maggie said.

Chloë was black-haired, she has a bobcut style. She wears glasses, a gray sweatshirt with the zipper off, a purple short, black yoga pants and pink slippers.

"Do you have a Facebook account?" Chloë asked "How 'bout Tweeter? Oh, screw it, I'll make you both"

"Polly..." Maggie continued.

Polly was redhead with a pony tail. She wears a yellow shirt that says 'I (heart) Money', blue pants and black shoes.

"You don't have economy problems, do you?" Polly asked "I'd like to give you some of my money. But...I WANT TO PROVE MOM I CAN BE RICH WITHOUT MARRYING A RICH GUY!"

"And Becky" Maggie concluded.

Becky was brunette with her hair reaching down her shoulders. She's extremely thin, she wears a white tank top, red shorts and beige sandals.

"Looks like you got a little fat" Becky said "I have a formula to lose weight"

"Becky, shut up and finish your sandwich" Maggie ordered.

"Better off dead!" Becky exclaimed as she started yelling like a Native American and then she crashed against the wall.

"A lot of things happened to us too..." Maggie said with a sad tone.

"Hey, where's Charlie?" Frank asked.

"Let's set the table for dinner!" Maggie said, not answering Frank's question and going to the kitchen.

"Let us help you, Aunt Maggie" Eddie said as he and Amy (hopping like Pinkie Pie) followed her.

"That's weird, my sisters are here, but not my brother" Frank said "It's like having all the PIXAR characters in one room, except one"

**Cutaway**

Woody, Buzz, the bugs from _A Bug's Life_, Mike, Sully, Nemo, Mr. incredible, Remy from _Ratatouille_, WALL-E, Carl from Up, and Merida were all having a party.

"This is the best party we ever had!" Sully said.

"WALL-E!" WALL-E cheered.

"If my dad was here, he wouldn't let me have any fun" Nemo said.

"I know how you feel, my mom is a bitch too" Merida said.

"Hey, didn't we forgetting someone?" Woody asked.

Outside, we see Lightning McQueen outside, because the guard doesn't let him in.

"Let me in, man!" Lightning said "I know my second movie sucked, but that's because Mater starred in it!"

"Hey, Jim!" Ralph from Wreck-It Ralph greeted.

"Hi, Ralph!" Jim greeted letting him enter "Enjoy the party!"

"Oh, come on, he's not even a PIXAR character!" Lightning complained.

"But his movie is better than yours" Jim replied.

Then suddenly, a cable is wrapped around his throat, and Jim is then hung. Lightning turns around and see Mater hanging him.

"MATER! What the f*ck?!" Lightning asked.

"Just because some doggone it critics didn't like our movie doesn't make us any less of stars than the others! We don't need none of those fancy awards!" Mater yelled as he then chucked Jim's dead corpse into the wall as he and Lightning strode in.

"Man, that movie changed you." Lightning said, disturbed.

**(A/E: Sorry for those who like _Cars_)**

**Cutaway's End**

The family were all ready to have dinner.

"Eddie, do you have a girlfriend?" Polly asked.

"Of course, her name is Meg Griffin" Eddie answered taking out a photo "Here's her photo"

"Eek, do you have a fat girlfriend?" Becky asked "I bet she's gonna end up like Maggie and you're gonna end up like her ex-husband and dump her"

"Yeah, I hate him" Polly said "He thinks he's a big deal, because he's RICH"

"I send him 3,000 negative comments at his E-Mail everyday" Chloë said, texting on her iPhone "In fact, I'm writing one right now"

"***reading the tex**t* 'I hope a rhino gives you a BJ'" Amy asked "What does that mean?"

"A BJ is-"

"You REALLY don't wanna know" Eddie said, covering his aunt's mouth.

Dinner's ready!

Maggie brought the dinner...McDonald's.

"McDonald's burgers?" Frank asked.

"Yup, the best burgers of America" Maggie answered.

"Don't get me wrong, I enjoy eating fast food once for a while, but is this suppose to be a holiday's dinner?" Helena asked.

"Oh, sorry, not everyone can effort a delicious lobster serving on a silver platter." Maggie said, sarcastically.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"KIDDING FART!" Maggie exclaimed lifting her dress again.

***FART***

***everybody laughs, except Helena***

"And a new running gag is born..." Helena said.

"Fast food is cheaper" Polly said.

"But even the tomato and lettuce tastes like meat" Becky said, disgusted "YUCK!"

"Oh yeah, me and my brother's favorite: the Double Big Mac" Frank said "Your uncle Charlie and me used to have a contest of who eats the burgers the fastest!"

"I accept the challenge" Eddie said.

"Are you sure?" Frank asked, unsure "I don't know if I still have a strong stomach"

"What's the matter?" Eddie asked with a cocky tone "Don't tell me you're getting old"

"Okay, if you insist" Frank said.

"3, 2, 1, GO!" Amy exclaimed as they both attacked their burgers like wild animals.

***DING-DONG**!*

"I wonder who it is" Maggie said going to the entrance.

She opened the door, just to find a businessman.

"Oh, it's you, Troy" Maggie said upset.

"Yes, here's your daughter by the way" Troy said with the same tone as an overweight toddler blond girl, who wears a pink princess dress and a crystal tiara.

"MOMMY!" the toddler cheered.

"Here's my little queen!" Maggie said hugging her daughter.

"Tell your sister to stop sending me these disgusting messages" Troy said.

"I make no promises, bye!" Maggie said slamming the door.

"Who was it, Maggie?" Helena asked.

"Family, I want you to meet the queen of the house" Maggie said introducing her daughter "Holly Too Too!"

"Hi, I'm pretty!" Holly said with a pretty pose.

**(A/E: That's right, she's a parody of Honey Boo Boo. You know, the worst thing of humanity along with _Jersey Shore_.)**

"RONNIE!" Amy exclaimed hugging her "Look at you! You're a crossdresser like my brother!

"Amy, that's not Ronnie" Eddie said "***ashamed*** And why did you tell my secret?"

"It's okay, Eddie, we're family" Polly said.

"I've always found you as the male version of Emma Stone" Becky said "God, I envy her body"

"Are you sure you didn't smoke weed this week?" Chloë asked.

"By the way: why Charlie isn't here?" Frank asked.

"***Sigh*** I'm not going to lie…something came up and Charlie probably won't make it tonight…if ever." Maggie said with a sad tone.

"Why?" Frank asked "Did he run away?"

Chloë showed a photo of a black haired man with a blonde woman and a blond baby.

"He married a beautiful woman and they both had a son" Chloë said.

"What happened to them?" Frank asked.

Polly showed him a piece of newspaper that says 'A Woman Dies in a Car Accident'. Another one that says 'A Baby Boy is Kidnapped'.

"Oh my god..." Frank said "So my brother is looking for his son?"

"He's an idiot, did he forget we're his family too?" Polly asked.

"How can you say that?" Becky asked "Can't you see he misses Adam so much?"

"Why don't you go eat your favorite food: air" Polly asked, insulting her.

"Why don't go and buy another lottery ticket? You may lose for 1,000th time!" Becky said.

"Girls, STOP!" Maggie demanded "In this family we get along, especially on Christmas!"

"Sorry, ma'am" Polly and Becky apologizes.

"This Christmas isn't as exciting as I expected" Amy said.

"Yeah, it's like having the Grinch and Scrooge in the same room" Eddie said.

**Cutaway**

The Grinch and Scrooge were eating turkey...and they had an awkward silence that lasted 10.

"I hate Jim Carrey" The Grinch said.

"Me too" Scrooge replied "He ruined our characters"

**Cutaway's end**

It was time to sleep, Eddie was gonna sleep in his dad's and Charlie's room, Amy was gonna share the room with Holly and Frank and Helena were gonna sleep in Frank's parents' room.

"I'm very worried about Charlie" Frank said "Even though he and Chloë were born from Mom's previous marriage, we felt like we were born together"

"I know you want your brother here, but we don't even know where he is" Helena said "Maybe we should try to sleep"

"Okay" Frank said.

***Knock-Knock***

"May I come in?" Eddie asked off-screen.

"Sure, honey" Helena said.

Eddie came out with a box of old stuff.

"I found this box in your room" Eddie said.

"Oh my god, it's Dad's old stuff" Frank said "They gave it to me when I was your age.

Eddie took out something: a VHS of _Happy Days_.

"Who's this guy?" Eddie asked.

"You've never heard about Fonzie?" Frank asked.

"Fozzie Bear from _the Muppets_?" Eddie asked.

"No, Fonzie the coolest guy in the world" Frank answered "With his hairstyle, outfit and his famous ***Fonzie salute*** Heeeeeey!"

"Let's see the other characters" Eddie said looking at the cover "This guy seems familiar"

"He was one of Fonzie's friends, played by Ron Howard" Eddie said.

"Ron Howard, director of _Apollo 13_ and _A Beautiful Mind_?" Eddie asked surprised "He's one of my favorite directors of all time. I didn't know he was an actor"

"Let's see what else we got" Frank said taking out a stick "Wow, his favorite blade"

"Ah...that's a stick" Eddie corrected.

"This 'stick' had a blade that cut off so many Vietnamese's necks" Frank said "It belonged to my father..." he pointed at a photo of an old man "...who inherited from his father..." He pointed at another photo in black and white of an older man "...who got it from a Japanese soldier in WW2" he pointed at a photo (also in black and white) of a grumpy Japanese soldier.

"Wow, I descend from manly men" Eddie said impressed "I bet Axel would be extremely jealous"

"I don't know. According to Axel, he descends from very powerful men." Frank explained.

**Cutaway**

A slideshow is shown. The first picture was of Axel's father, Nathan Everett, holding his sword up high while riding a wolf. Then it showed an old bearded man in hunting gear, holding a hunting rifle up high while riding an elephant, his name being Chuck 'Mammoth' Everett. Then it showed…Solid Snake, hiding in a box…then it proceeds to…Kratos riding a hydra…then it showed Elmer Fudd…just being Elmer Fudd.

"Elmer Fudd?" Eddie asked off-screen.

"Hey, he's the oldest hunter around." Frank explained.

**Cutaway's End**

"Hey, guys!" Amy called with an album "I found an old album!"

"Amy, what were you doing in the room where I was sleeping?" Eddie asked suspiciously.

"I don't like sharing my room with Holly" Amy said with an annoyed tone "All she does is praising herself and drinking 'Beauty Elixir', which it's just RedBull mixed with Diet Mountain Dew"

**Flashback**

"Oh, yeah, I'm the new Britney Spears!" Holly said looking at the mirror and drinking her 'Beauty Elixir'.

"What exactly does your special drink do?" Amy asked.

"It makes me more sassy and allows me to eat everything without getting fat!" Holly said, eating a Twinkie covered with bacon.

**Flashback's end**

"Seriously, Maggie should do something with her child" Helena said.

"Yeah, just because she won a beauty contest, she doesn't have the right to act like that" Frank said.

"Besides, child obesity is a serious disease that causes hearts attacks and in worse cases...death" Eddie said "That and we don't need a human version of Diamond Tiara…" He shuddered "The thought of that bitchy filly still makes my stomach turn."

"I don't know, Chris is a child and he's still my handsome prince!" Amy said with a dreamy tone.

"Are you both really 15 years old?" Eddie asked.

"Anyway, what's in the album?" Helena asked.

"It's my childhood photographs!" Frank answered.

They opened it and they saw photos of Frank growing up. Then they found pictures of him as a teenager. His friends were black and he's even dressed like them.

"Did you have a rap group?" Eddie asked.

"I was in a phase where I wanted to be a cool black guy" Frank answered "That was until Vanilla Ice shows me you don't have to be black to be a cool rapper"

"That's weird, I had the same situation when I thought Japanese guys are cool" Eddie said "I even used it to impress girls when I was in New York"

**Flashback**

A girl was walking on the hallways until Eddie appeared dressed like a samurai.

"Duel me to defend your honor!" Eddie said with a Japanese accent.

***POW***

The girl punched him in the face, leaving him unconscious.

"Get lost, Samurai Jackass" the girl said, walking out.

**Flashback's end**

"***yawn*** It's getting late, we should go to sleep" Helena said "Good night, children"

"Good night, kids" Frank said.

"Good night, Mom and Dad/Daddy" Eddie and Amy said at the same time as they both leave.

"We did a great job raising them" Frank said "You know what we should do?" but when he turned around at Helena, she was already sleeping "Good night...love"

Next morning; the Walkers were having breakfast...except Becky, who refuses to eat anything.

"Come on, Becky, you can't skip breakfast" Frank said.

"I'm good with just smelling the orange juice" Becky said.

"Don't worry, guys, I downloaded an app called 'Hypnosis'" Chloë said, holding her iPad "I can make Becky eat" she displayed her iPad on Becky, showing a hypnotic spiral "You're under my control..."

"Come on, you think this app is gonna...***dizzy***...wooooork?" Becky asked, as she started to drool.

"Listen carefully: you're going to break your ridiculous and very unhealthy diet and eat all you want" Chloë declared in a mystical voice, "Do you understand?".

Becky shook her head and then she saw Amy's pancakes.

"***fast-talking*** Are you gonna eat these? Too late!" Becky started eating the pancakes.

"Oh yeah, we're in the future now" Chloë said.

***DING-DONG**!*

"I wonder who that could be?" Maggie asked as she goes to the door and opened to reveal...a black-haired man, who wears a gray cap, white T-shirt, a Christian cross necklace, jeans and black sneakers. He looked like he was beaten half to death.

"Oh my god!" Maggie exclaimed "Charlie?!"

"Help...me..." Charlie said, before he collapsed and passed out.

The family goes to investigate and gasped at the sight of Charlie.

"Wait, is that...?" Eddie asked.

"Uncle Charlie?" Amy asked.

"***whispered*** Brother..." Frank said.

"This is more unexpected than _An Unexpected Journe_y" Helena commented.

The poster of the _Hobbit: The Desolation of Smau_g is shown.

**_The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug_**

**_The sequel of An Unexpected Journey that is slightly better than the first one but it's still not as good as the original trilogy._**

**_Only in Theaters._**

**_Seriously? Why did they split the book into three movies? Wasn't it enough that we did it with Harry Potter, Twilight, and eventually the Hunger Games?_**

When he woke up, they covered him with a blanket and gave him a cup of hot tea.

"What happened to you, bro?" Frank asked.

"I know who kidnapped my son..." Charlie answered.

**Flashback**

_I met this gang who organize illegal street racing. I needed money to provide for my family, so I decided to take to the racing scene. I was literally living in the fast lane, making enough cash to support me and my kid for years to come. Unfortunately, the gang that got me into the business wanted me to pay most of my winnings to keep us in good graces. I was an idiot. I refused to pay them, and one night, they just went in and took my son. I tried to win him back by defeating their leader in a race…but apparently, their leader was a lot more skilled than I imagined. I lost everything: all my money, my son, my car…and to top it off, they kicked the crap out of me, and left me for dead._

Everything what Charlie described is shown: going to these races, earning a lot of money, the baby getting kidnapped, losing the race and getting beaten to death. The gang looked similar to Dominic 'Dom' Toretto, Brian O'Conner and Letty Ortiz, all of them from The Fast and the Furious films.

**Flashback's end**

"They thought I was dead, but I survived" Charlie said "I know I screwed up big time, but you guys gotta help me!"

"We're gonna help you, brother" Frank said "Nobody messes with the Walkers"

"If you mess with one of us, you mess with all of us!" Maggie said "We'll help our brother, right, girls?!"

But the other sisters were too busy preventing Becky from eating Chloë's iPad.

"It's an expensive device, not a chocolate tablet!" Chloë said.

"***sarcastically*** Nice move, smartass!" Polly said.

"After I help these stupid bitches" Maggie said, going to help them.

"So, how are we gonna save Adam?" Helena asked.

"The only way to do that is challenge their leader, Jon Wheeler, to a race" Charlie answered.

"Well, prepare your Hot Wheels for men and let's do this!" Frank said.

"Did you not hear me? I lost my car in the last race!" Charlie said "It was like CRASH! KABOOM! It's gone. It's now pieces of scrap metal…shaped like a vagina."

"None of us have a car fast enough to win a race" Eddie said.

"I think we do" Frank said as he took out his cellphone.

"Who are you calling?" Eddie asked,

"You'll see" Frank answered.

A couple of hours later, Axel's Impala arrived.

"Anybody see a demon (_Ghostbusters_ reference)?" Axel asked.

"Oh no, not him..." Eddie said, facepalming.

"Axel, I'll tell you details later, but I need your car for a street race" Frank said.

"Did you say street race?" Peter asked, who was coming with Axel for some reason.

"Mr. Griffin?" Eddie asked.

"What are you doing here, Peter?" Helena asked.

"I heard you guys were in trouble and I thought you need my help too" Peter said.

"Seriously, what are you doing here?" Helena asked, crossing her arms.

"Okay, Lois has been bitching me about Christmas dinner and I couldn't take it anymore" Peter said.

**Flashback**

Peter was peeling off the hot potatoes for the mashed potatoes, but Lois couldn't stop nagging him.

"Faster!" Lois demanded.

"They're hot!" Peter complained.

"I said faster!" Lois shouted.

"You know what...?" Peter asked throwing the potato at the floor "Do it yourself..."

He leaves and Gordon Ramsey is shown.

"You call this 'disciplining your husband'?!" Ramsey asked.

"***nervous*** I-I did my best" Lois said.

"Not enough!" Ramsey said throwing the bowl of potatoes at the floor.

**Flashback's end**

"Since Joe and the others were doing their own things. I called up Axel." Peter explained "He's an awesome guy, but he hates Quagmire for some reason"

"So…you guys said something about a street race?" Axel asked

Our heroes (only the men) were in the garage, so Frank was telling the details.

"So, you need my car to challenge this guy Jon Wheeler to a race and rescue your nephew?" Axel asked.

"Pretty much" Frank answered "Can you help us?"

"Of course I can. However, my impala is not suited for racing…not yet at least." Axel said "We need to make the impala into a race machine…and not just any race machine...A DEATH RACE MACHINE!"

"Great, one of his cheesy lines" Eddie said, annoyed.

"Do I sense a modification montage coming on?" Charlie asked.

"Ya bet your ass! Hit it, Pete!" Axel said as Peter turned on the radio.

Our heroes started working on Axel's Impala, giving the car new motors, a new engine, and a bunch of new wheels. Axel even went on to give the impala a updated paint job, painting it blacker than ever before. The only one who wasn't working in the car was Eddie, who was making lemonade. To top it off, he was wearing a pink apron. Ticked off, Axel, as he grabs his lemonade, knocks him out, and then takes a sip of the lemonade. Everything happened with music from the soundtrack of _Pacific Rim_.

**(A/E: I love this soundtrack, it makes me want to ride one of these giant robots and kick Godzilla's ass!)**

Meanwhile, at the bad guys' hideout; the woman of the gang was feeding a baby, who we can guess is Charlie's son.

"Open the tunnel, here comes the train, choo-choo!" the woman said.

"Miranda, stop getting along with the loser's little bastard" the blond man said.

"Oh, Brad, if you weren't such a dick, you'd like kids too" Miranda said.

"Shut up you two!" Jon ordered as he looked at the security cameras "Somebody's coming"

The camera shown our heroes (the men, plus Amy (wearing her cheerleader outfit) in the entrance. Without any sound, Eddie was gently knocking the door in order to let them in. Axel, of course, got annoyed and took out a bazooka cannon.

***KABOOM**!*

The entrance was destroyed and our heroes enter.

"That's how you say 'knock-knock'" Axel said.

"Honestly, can't you for once not use violence?" Eddie moaned.

"Who are you?" Jon asked, taking out his gun.

"It doesn't matter, give me back my brother's son!" Frank ordered as Charlie appeared from behind him.

"You're alive" Jon said "Still, you lost the race, the baby is ours now"

"You guys think you're so tough, huh?" Peter asked preparing his fists "How 'bout a fight? Yeah, come on!"

But then Miranda and Brad started beating up Peter. Then they attempt to drown him with motor oil.

"Stop!" Axel said, pointing at them with his Desert Eagle.

"Give me back my boy!" Charlie shouted.

"No way, a trophy is a trophy, not matter what it is" Jon said.

"Okay, baldy, you wanna bet?" Axel asked "Let's make a bet: a race, just you and me. If I win, you can keep the baby. But if you win...*sigh* you can have my Impala and we won't bother you ever again."

"What? No, Axel, your father loved that car!" Frank said.

"I know. But how else am I going to take him down without getting Peter filled with oil?" Axel asked.

Peter puked up oil in response to that question.

"Deal." Jon agreed "But you gotta choose a co-driver. Brad, come on!"

Brad come to his side.

"Fair enough" Axel said looking at his friends "Frank, you're riding shotgun with me."

"Axel, are you sure?" Frank asked.

"Of course I am. I know the strongest men in your family." Axel said.

"Hey, thanks!" Eddie thanked.

"I wasn't talking to you" Axel said.

"Okay, shall we begin?" Jon asked.

While they prepare their cars, a CGI map of Boston with the track traced on red is displayed. Miranda was explaining off-screen.

Both cars must drive the track displayed on your GPS. If one of the cars takes an alternate route, it loses. There will be those magical colorful boxes with an '?' symbol from Mario Kart that gives you a weapon for your co-pilot. You can't use your own weapons, if you use them, you'll forfeit. Three laps, two cars, and only ONE winner.

The cars were ready.

"Any questions?" Miranda asked.

"Can you change the brat's diaper?" Brad asked "It smells like sh*t"

"I'd love to!" Miranda said taking Adam to change him.

"Okay, let's do this" Jon said.

"You can do it, Daddy!" Amy said waving her pompons and rising her legs, doing more panty-shots.

"Wow, if you look past her bubbly personality and her high pitch voice, she's kinda hot" Axel said.

"Hey, that's my daughter you're talking about" Frank said.

"Sorry, Frank" Axel apologized "But Chris must be pretty lucky"

A Lakitu from Super Mario Bros. with a street spotlight appeared.

"Ready...set...GO!" The Lakitu exclaimed.

The race began and the cars went to an incredible speed. They drove all around Boston, mostly crashing against stands: a fruit stand...

"These apples are fresh and delicious" Frank said eating an apple.

...a hotdog stand...

"Would you pass me the mustard?" Axel said, eating a hotdog.

...and a stand where William Shatner is signing photos of himself.

"I knew nobody liked Boston Legal..." Shatner said with a sad tone.

They continued the race as they came across with colorful boxes. Jon and Brad got 3 banana peels while Frank and Axel got a green turtle shell. Brad threw the peels behind them and our heroes avoided them one by one.

"Take this!" Axel said, as Frank chucks the turtle shell at their rivals.

The bad guys dodged the shell and the shell destroyed the entire front of an electronics store. Immediately, a bunch of people rushes in to grab as many electronics and appliances as they can. Both cars got through the first lap, now they're going through the second lap. They got through a tunnel where they turned on the lights to see in the dark. But then...

***BANG*** ***BANG***

"Whoa, what the f*ck?! Who's shooting at us?!" Axel said.

"They're cheating! Those rat bastards!" Frank said.

They came out of the tunnel where Axel and Frank's car collided with Jon and Brad's.

"You told us no weapons!" Frank said.

"Yeah...we lied" Jon said, as the two gave an evil laugh and throwing the impala off their car.

They came across with more colorful boxes. Jon and Brad got three mushrooms that gave their vehicle the ability to engage in a nitro boost, while Frank and Axel got a red turtle shell.

"You won't dodge THIS!" Axel declared, as Frank then chucks the turtle shell at them. The red shell smashes into the side of the car, causing it to swerve uncontrollably.

"Oh yeah, we're on our way to victory!" Frank said.

But then Jon and Brad used the mushrooms to go turbo.

"I don't think so" Jon said.

Both cars got through the second lap, now they're going through the third and final lap.

"Okay, this is it, the last chance to save my brother's son" Frank whispered.

Jon and Brad looked at a bridge opening with colorful boxes. They crossed the bridge and they got...the blue spiky shell.

"Oh yeah, those bastards are dead meat!" Brad said.

"What are you waiting for? Throw it at them!" Jon ordered as Brad obeyed.

Meanwhile; Axel and Frank looked at the opened bridge and they had no choice, but to jump. Unfortunately, there's the blue spiky shell ready to hit them...

"What do we do?" Frank asked as Axel looked at the colorful boxes.

He is then surprised that Axel is smoking a cigar.

"Well, if this power-up doesn't help us…I will say this: Motherf-"

***KABOOM**!*

Back with Brad and Jon, they looked at the goal.

"Victory is officially ours." Jon said.

"Wait, boss, somebody is coming..." Brad said as Jon turned around...it was Frank and Axel. Their car were shining for some reason.

"How's that possible?" Jon asked.

"We've got the Power Star that makes us invincible!" Frank said.

"In other words: ***whispering*** SKA-DOOSH!" Axel said.

They tackled the bad guys' car, sending it flying as part of it falls apart and Axel crosses the finish line.

"We got a winner!" The Latiku cheered "Frank Walker and Axel Everett!"

"YEAH, DADDY WON!" Amy cheered.

"Way to go, Dad!" Eddie cheered.

When the race finished: Charlie and Adam were together.

"Thank you for saving my boy, Frank" Charlie thanked.

"Hey, we're brothers, we always have each others' back." Frank said as they hugged.

Then Miranda looked at the destroyed car and her partners were alive, but injured.

"Miranda...help us..." Jon said.

"No way, I quit" Miranda said, taking out her scarf on her head and throw it at them "Find another bitch to order around.

She was about to walk away, until...

"Hey, you're not like them" Charlie said "Thanks for taking care of Adam"

"I just love kids...I wouldn't let these bastards even touch him" Miranda said.

"Hey, can we go out together and, you know...get a coffee and talk?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah, why not?" Miranda asked as they just leave together.

"You think they'll end up together?" Eddie asked.

"I have my doubts, but I'll give her a chance" Frank answered

Later that night; the whole family, plus Peter and Axel were having a holiday dinner.

"A toast, because we're all here as a family...!" Frank said "...plus two of our friends"

"Thanks for inviting us. I haven't had a holiday dinner since my folks died." Axel said.

"Maybe Lois is gonna be a little pissed off, but she'll get over it as always" Peter said.

"It's a pity we're leaving tomorrow" Helena said.

"What? But it's hadn't even been a week yet." Maggie said.

"***weak fart*** ***laughing*** Kidding fart!" Helena continued laughing until she realized everybody were staring at her "What's wrong?"

"That was not cool, girl" Maggie said, upset.

"But you always..."

"When I do it, it's hilarious" Maggie said.

"But when you do it, it's completely tasteless and out of place" Frank said.

"***blushing*** Pardon..." Helena said.

Everyone just laughed as holiday music play…but then it turns black.

Suddenly, Jon and Brad are hog-tied and kneeling on the ground in a place unknown. A bunch of trench-coated men surrounds them. Then, a tv monitor is turned on, showing a silhouette, his voice raspy.

_You failed me, Wheeler..._

"Look, boss, I did everything you asked. I kidnapped the kid, kicked that loser's ass, lured Axel here…" Jon said.

_And you still lost. It seems like vehicular warfare was not the right way about defeating Mr. Everett..._

"We would had won! What kind of Japanese businessman for video games makes stars that makes you invincible? That is the biggest ounce of s-"

***BANG**!*

Brad is shot dead, much to Jon's horror.

"Brad!" Jon screamed

_I happen to like those games, you dick. As for you, Wheeler…you get off easily._

"You're giving me a second chance?" Jon asked.

_No. Not yet, at least. I think it is best that we let our friend Mr. Crookshanks take care of things. As for now…all hail Supremacy Phoenix..._

It ends with a dark laugh.

**End of the Chapter**


	29. Three Tales of Quahog

**Chapter 29: Three Tales of Quahog**

**(A/E: Hello everyone and welcome to 2014! And to start off the year, I decided to make something different: in this chapter there will be three different plots, each one starring different characters. This chapter I got inspired from an episode of _Avatar: The Last Airbender_: 'Tales of Ba Sing Se', where each character(s) has its own story. Anyway, enjoy it!)**

**Tale #1: Midlife Crisis**

Frank and Helena were on the apartment's roof, looking at the stars.

"The stars look beautiful tonight" Helena said.

"Not as beautiful as you" Frank said, kissing her "Listen, there's something I wanted to tell you since Christmas..."

"About what happened to our matrimony rings?" Helena asked.

" No, no, no, I understand that I was a douche abandoning my family to join the army" Frank said "I understand you didn't want me"

"Well, I want you now" Helena said "You won't abandon us ever again"

"Anyway, what I wanted to say is...I want another child" Frank said.

"Another...child?" Helena asked.

"Yeah, now that we're together, I'd like to make the Walker clan bigger" Frank said "After all, we're both come from very large families."

"What about Edward and Amy?" Helena asked.

"We'll talk to them in the morning" Frank answered "I know they'll be happy to have a baby brother or sister"

"I don't know, they're both very emotional" Helena said "Eddie hates anyone who likes a movie he despises"

**Flashback**

Eddie entered an elevator where there was a guy. Then Eddie found out this guy was carrying a DVD of...M. Night Shyamalan's _The Last Airbender_. Eddie instantly reacted as he threw the guy against the wall.

"HAVE YOU SEEN THIS ATROCITY BEFORE?!" Eddie angrily asked.

Then the elevator stopped, Eddie took the DVD and slowly got out of the elevator.

"Hey, screw you, man. That movie is MUCH BETTER than that stupid cartoon!" The guy said.

Then a dragon claw pierced the door and grabbed the guy's neck. Then it was opened by...a humanoid dragon. He dropped the DVD on the floor and stomped it. Don't ask me what happened next. Let's just said there was blood...A LOT of blood.

**Flashback's end**

"And Amy gets easily excited" Helena said.

**Flashback**

Eddie and Amy were watching the 71th Golden Globe Awards. They were announcing Best Animated Picture.

And the Golden Globe goes to..._Frozen_!

"_FROZEN_ WON?!" Amy asked, taking out her own party cannon "PARTY TIME!"

***BOOM***

It exploded balloons, confetti, a piñata and a cake. Amy started dancing until Eddie stopped the music.

"Amy, Frozen just won the Golden Globe" Eddie said "It's not as good as the Oscar"

"Aw..." Amy groaned, disappointed "I guess I should give Pinkie her party cannon back"

**Flashback's end**

"We won't know about it until we talk to them" Frank said.

"I guess you're right" Helena said.

Next morning; the Walkers were having a family meeting.

"Kids, there's something we need to talk to you about." Frank said.

"You and Mom are gonna remarry?!" Amy asked, excited "YAY!"

"Wait, remarry?" Frank asked confused.

"AMY!" Helena scolded.

"Oh...he didn't...know?" Amy asked.

"He didn't know what?" Eddie asked.

"Did we get divorced before I joined the army?" Frank asked.

"***nervous*** I...I..." Helena said, trying to think about a lie.

"That's okay, you don't have to tell me right now" Frank said.

"Phew..." Helena sighed.

"Anyway, we wanna ask you something" Frank said.

"What is it?" Eddie asked.

"Would you like to have...another sibling?" Frank asked.

"What/WHAT?!" Eddie and Amy asked, not in shock, but both were really surprised.

"Me and your mother want to have another baby" Frank said.

"And we wonder if you want to have a baby brother or sister" Helena said.

"Well..." Eddie said, trying to say something.

"PLEASE, DON'T!" Amy begged as she, in a slapstick way, stripped off her clothes and revealed baby clothes (a sky blue bonnet, pigtails, a smaller pink shirt and a diaper with pink ribbons). She also got a bottle full of milk and a rattle "I'm still the family's baby!" She started drinking her milk.

"Sweetie, you're 15 years old" Helena said, taking off the bottle and the rattle "You're not a baby anymore"

"Yes, so please take off your clothes, you look ridiculous" Eddie ordered.

"***sigh*** All right..." Amy said, going to her room.

"What do you think about us having a baby, son?" Frank asked.

"Are you sure you guys will be able to handle it?" Eddie asked "Because there can be some...disadvantages"

"What disadvantages?" Helena asked.

"It can be your age..." Eddie answered.

"What?!" Frank asked "Are you telling us we're too old to have another child?"

"No, but..."

"Well, we're going to the doctor and we'll prove we're still in our glory days" Frank said standing up "Come on, honey"

"Wait, slow down" Helena said as she was grabbed and they both left.

"Mental note: never mention older people's age" Eddie said until he heard something and looked out the window.

He saw Robin Williams still pretending to fly since 'Laugh Free or Die Hard' chapter.

"I'm Peter Pan and I will never, ever, ever, ever, grow up!" Robin Williams said.

"Is he STILL doing that?" Eddie asked.

That afternoon; Frank and Helena visited Dr. Hartman, so he can inseminate Helena with Frank's sperm.

"Guys, I have some good news and bad news" Dr. Hartman said "The bad news is that your sperm is dead"

"My sperm is dead?" Frank asked "How's that possible?"

"Just look at them" Dr. Hartman said, allowing him to look through the microscope.

Frank's sperms had Xs on their eyes and they looked like raisins.

"And the good news?" Helena asked.

"You won't have to pay for insemination!" Dr. Hartman answered as he laughed…but no one else was laughing with him. "God, I suck at this..."

"How did this happen?" Helena asked.

"Wait, I think I remember something when I was in the Army..." Frank said.

**Flashback**

A boot camp is shown in a similar style of Stanley Kubrick's _Full Metal Jacket_. Even the Drill Instructor has a strong resemblance of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman.

"You're all here, because you're the most pathetic scums of Earth! From now on you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be "Sir"!" the Drill Instructor explained "Do you maggots understand?!"

"Sir, yes, sir!" the recruits answered in unison in a normal speaking tone.

"I can't hear you!" the Drill Instructor replied.

"SIR, YES SIR!" the recruits exclaimed in unison, much louder

"What a waste of time..." Frank said.

"Who said that?!" the Drill Instructor asked "Who the hell said that?! Who's the slimy little communist, twinkle-toed flag burner here who just signed his own death warrant?!"

"***mocking*** Me, sir" Frank said.

"What have we got here, a comedian?" the Drill Instructor asked "Private Walker. I admire your honesty. Hell, I like you, you can come over to my house and screw my sister!"

"Is she hot...?" Frank asked as the Instructor Drill punched Frank in the testicles VERY HARD "OW! What the hell?!"

"I read your record: you were arrested for child abuse and domestic violence!" the Drill Instructor said "You think you're tough?! You think you're a real man?! Let me tell you a secret you little scumbag: I got your name! I got your ASS!"

He punched in the balls again.

"OW!"

"I got your balls too!" the Drill Instructor added "You're my bitch now! For now on: your name is Private Broken Nuts!"

"What?" Frank asked as the Drill Instructor took out some pincers and you guys really don't wanna know what happened next.

**Flashback's end**

"Oh my lord, that's horrible" Helena said.

"But what I didn't get was that he called me an abusive father" Frank said confused "I wasn't abusive, right?"

"No, dear..." Helena lied.

"Now about the baby, we can ask for a sperm donor" Frank said.

"Yeah...I should have tell you after you asked me to have a baby" Helena said.

"What is it?" Frank asked.

"I can't have children anymore" Helena answered.

"What?" Frank asked, shocked.

"Yeah, I checked on her last week and her uterus is deformed" Dr. Hartman "Even if you get a sperm donor, the fetus would get crushed like Jaden Smith's career"

"So...that means we can't have a baby..." Frank said in vain.

"At least she didn't have a parasite like my last patient" Dr. Hartman said.

**Flashback**

It only showed the door, but we can hear the screams of horror from Dr. Hartman

_OH MY GOD!_

***ROAR**!*

_DIE BITCH!_

***BANG* *BANG***

***ROOAAAAAAAAR**!*

***BLAST***

***hardly breathing***

_It's over..._

The last patient happened to be...Meg.

"Thank you Dr. Hartman" Meg thanked "Now if you excuse me, I'm gonna have sex with my boyfriend"

Meg left the building, but then Dr. Hartman came out covered in blood and gore.

"Meg, wait!" Dr. Hartman said "It's very likely the parasite left its eggs...!" but he realized she was already gone "Oh, what the hell. It's her boyfriend's problem now"

**Flashback's end**

After leaving the hospital; Frank and Helena were driving back to home. But Helena was depressed.

"Look Helena, it's okay" Frank said "We don't need more children to be a complete family"

"It's not that, Frank..." Helena said "It's just...you should know why we divorced"

"Dear, I already know that" Frank said.

"You do?" Helena asked, surprised.

"Yeah, you were mad at me, because you think I abandoned you guys" Frank said "So you annulled our marriage as sort of revenge"

"Uh...of course?"

"I would call it a 'bitch move', you know: the female term from 'dick move', but I guess I wasn't good enough as a husband" Frank said "But we can still renew our vows"

"Yes, it's a good idea" Helena said "***mentally*** _that was close_"

"Hey, look!" Frank said "A tennis field!"

They found a tennis field where everyone is playing tennis. So the Walkers got out of the car to check it out. Then they found a couple playing in the same place. It happens to be Peter and Lois.

"Hey, guys!" Lois greeted.

"Good afternoon, Lois" Helena greeted "What are you doing here?"

"Peter needs to do more exercise, so I brought him here to play tennis with me" Lois said.

"***hardly breathing*** I'm...so...tired" Peter said.

"We're been just here for 10 minutes, Peter" Lois said annoyed.

"Hey, can we play too?" Frank asked.

"Sure, we got two extra tennis outfits" Lois said.

After the Walkers changed outfits, they were ready to play.

"All right, honey" Frank said "This is our chance to prove our kids we're not old"

"***mentally*** _I need to use my high skills at minimum or they'll suspect I'm a spy_" Helena thought.

"Hey, Helena!" Peter said "Take it easy or they'll suspect you're a spy!"

"Now you're being ridiculous, Peter" Lois said.

"I serve!" Frank said throwing the ball and hitting it with his racket.

Lois hits the ball towards Helena and she just waved her racket, missing the ball completely on purpose..

"0-15!" Lois exclaimed.

"Focus, Helena" Frank told her.

"***mentally*** ***sarcastically*** _Good job, Helena, you're making it too obvious_" Helena thought.

"You're making too obvious!" Peter said.

"How do you know what I am thinking, anyway?" Helena asked.

"I've been hanging out with an anime teenage girl who has psychic powers" Peter answered.

**Flashback**

Peter was with Haruka Kotoura from _Kotoura-san_ **(A/E: It's an actual anime, believe it or not)**.

"So I accidentally revealed to my mother (Kumiko Kotoura) that my father was having an affair, which caused her to abandon me, leaving me with my loving, yet perverted grandpa (Zenzou Kotoura)" Haruka explained her story, which it means the premise of the anime "Then every kid I've met rejected me in every single school until high school where I met this perverted, but kind-hearted guy (Yoshihisa Manabe) who likes me. Then we joined to a kind of psychic investigators club whose leader is a blue-haired girl obsessed with psychic stuff (Yuriko Mifune) and a midget guy (Daichi Muroto). And my enemy (Hiyori Moritani ) is a karate alpha bitch who was jealous at me for hanging out with the perverted guy, because she apparently likes him"

"Wow, your life is more screwed up than Meg's" Peter said "Except you're..."

"Hotter than her, yes, I knew you would say that" Haruka said "But I'm A-cup, you know that?"

**(A/E: You guys REALLY have to see this anime. It only has 12 episodes, it's not _Dragon Ball Z_ or _Yu-Gi-Oh!_, but it's not supposed to be. It's still a decent anime)**

**Flashback's end**

"Wait, that doesn't explain...oh, never mind" Helena said.

Lois threw and hit the ball. Then Frank hit it so fast that Peter dodged it.

"15-15!" Frank exclaimed.

"You're suppose to hit the ball, not dodge it!" Lois scolded him.

"Nag, nag, nag!" Peter mocked.

Helena threw and hit the ball lightly. Then Peter hit it, then Frank hit it and bounced it very high. But Lois jumped and hit so hard that Frank and Helena missed it.

"15-30!" Lois exclaimed.

The game continued and both teams were really heating up. But the Walkers were winning 40-30. It was Helena's turn.

"Helena, play with all your strength!" Frank told her.

Helena just sighed and she closed her eyes. In slow-mo, she threw the ball, she jumped high and with all her strength...

***POW**!*

The ball was hit so hard that...

***POW***

...it hit Peter's testicles.

"AAAAAAHHHHH!" Peter screamed covering his groin and ended on the ground.

"Oh my god, PETER!" Lois screamed going to him "Are you okay?"

"Lois, can we skip sex tonight?" Peter asked in a high pitched voice.

"Yes and I'm sorry for being harsh on you" Lois said.

"Lois, I'm so sorry for what I did to your husband" Helena said.

"It's okay, it's my fault, I can be very competitive sometimes" Lois said.

"Well, that was a great game" Frank said "We make a good team, dear"

"Yes" Helena said "We do..."

**End of Tale #1**

**Tale #2: How to Train your Werewolf**

Amy was in Quahog's downtown area. She was still shocked that her parents want to have a baby.

"How's that possible?" Amy asked to herself "15 years has passed since I was born and NOW they wanna be parents again? What if it's cuter than me? What if they kick me out and I live as a homeless person?! WHAT IF...?!" then she saw something from an antique shop: a silver necklace with a moon-shape sapphire on it "Oh my gosh! That's the prettiest necklace I've ever seen all season! Now I forgot what I was worry about!"

"About your parents having a baby?" Dylan asked, appearing from nowhere.

"Darn it, Dylan!" Amy cursed "Sorry my language, it's just I'll feel excluded if they really have it"

"You think YOU have a problem?" Dylan asked "Tonight is a full moon and you know what that means"

"Oh yeah, your werewolf transformation" Amy said.

"Yes and if you guys are planning to go out somewhere, count me out" Dylan said.

"Wait, I got an idea!" Amy said.

"What is it?" Dylan asked.

"Let me help you control your transformation" Amy said.

"Amy, that's impossible" Dylan commented "I tried to control it. I even consulted a fellow werewolf."

**Cutaway**

It showed Dylan talking with Sonic the Hedgehog.

"Look, I am trying my best to control this beast inside me, but nothing worked! That's why I came to you." Dylan explained.

"First off, I became a Werehog, not a werewolf. Secondly, I don't know why I should help anyone. All those ungrateful idiots do is bitch about how bad _Sonic '06_ was. I get it! That boss fight with Silver was broken, you can still play _Sonic Lost World_…oh, wait, you're all too busy playing _DmC: Devil May Cry,_ Pokemon X and Y or the newest _Call of Duty_ game. Seriously, screw you guys, screw you all!"

"Wow, you ain't bitter at all." Dylan said

**Cutaway's End**

"Meet me tomorrow night in the woods, few minutes before the full moon reaches it peak" Amy said "Bye!"

Like a lightning bolt, she left.

"Wow, she's not afraid of anything" Dylan said "She's like Indiana Jones when he faced the Devil in Hell"

**Cutaway**

We see Indy in Hell against the Devil. Who looks like a 50-ft tall fire-breathing monster with two giant demonic swords.

"Is that the Devil?" Indy asked skeptical "He doesn't look scary as everyone makes him out to be."

But then the Devil revealed two giant SNAKES coming out his back.

"***shaking of fear*** Okay, NOW he's scary!" Indy screamed.

The Devil was about to kill him, but then out of nowhere, a holy grenade was thrown into his mouth and...

***BOOOM***

The Devil was gone. Indy turned around and found out it was Axel.

"How disappointing, I expected an intense death match." Axel said.

Then it was revealed this Devil's form was just a disguise since the Devil looks like a dumbass human.

"Oh man, I spent two thousand years to make it look awesome!" The Devil complained.

**Cutaway's end**

Later that night in the woods; Brian, Amy, Dylan, Axel, Chris, Jet and Bobby were all together waiting for the full moon.

"All right, full moon will be here any minute" Brian said.

"Amy, I'm still thinking this is a bad idea" Dylan said "If I eat you, Eddie will kill me"

"Relax, Dilly" Amy said "I've done some research and I know how to control your transformation"

"Besides, we'll back her up" Jet said.

"Eddie is like a brother to us, that makes Amy our sister" Bobby said.

"Besides, I became a ninja too!" Chris said holding Eddie's katana "HI-YAAH!" He accidentally loses his grip on the katana, sending it into a perched bird's nest. "Oops"

"As Master Chozen would say to you: ***Japanese accent*** You still have long way...but you can still have big wiener" Jet said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Chris asked.

"I don't know, Master Chozen was always weird" Jet said.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot." Axel said taking out something from his Impala's trunk: a moving bag.

"What is it?" Brian asked.

"Just some fresh food in case Dylan wants to eat you" Axel answered.

"***gasp*** Don't tell me you brought innocent bunnies!" Amy said.

"Even better" Axel said opening the bag revealing...Connie D'Amico wearing a playboy bunny costume. Her mouth was taped and her hands and legs were tied up "A playboy bunny bitch!"

"***muffled*** help! Help!" Connie begged.

"Ax, that's a human being" Jet said.

"You're not serious, right? " Axel replied "She's the biggest bitch in school, if not the Universe. Wait, Kyle's mom has that place. But still, she deserves no sympathy, nor mercy "

"Guys, look!" Brian said as the clouds revealed the full moon.

"Eh...ARGH!" Dylan screamed in pain, suffering the transformation.

Dylan's body became hairy, his face became like a wolf, his clothes were torn out, he got fangs on his teeth, his nails turned to claws and finally his tail popped out. He let out a howl, making Chris quiver in fear.

"A ninja must never feel fear" Jet said.

Connie tried to get out of here, moving like a worm. But Axel had his Desert Eagle pointing at her.

"You're not going anywhere" Axel said.

"***muffled*** You sick bastard!" Connie screamed.

"Dylan, are you still in there?" Brian asked.

But Dylan looked at Amy and he lunges at her. But then...Amy took out a whistle.

***Whistle***

Dylan suddenly stopped.

"Stay, boy!" Amy ordered as Dylan remained still "Now, sit!" Dylan sat down.

"What the hell?" Axel asked as he saw Brian sitting down "Brian?"

"She's doing dog commands" Brian said.

"So werewolves are like dogs?" Jet asked.

"So does that mean mermaids act like fishes?" Bobby asked.

"Roll over" Amy ordered as Dylan rolled out "Good boy!" she gives him a dog snack.

"Do I get one too?" Brian asked.

"You smart bitch..." Axel said, "I would use one myself, but that would make me look like a rapist…"

"A wolf is not so different from a dog" Amy said rubbing Dylan's muzzle "All you need to do is domesticate it" she turned her eyes to Werewolf Dylan "Who's my good doggy boy?"

"Woof-woof!" Werewolf Dylan woofed.

"That's right, you're my good doggy boy!" Amy said continued rubbing his muzzle.

"Okay, I'm getting jealous" Chris said with envy.

"What you're gonna do now?" Jet asked.

"I'm gonna bring him to my apartment to complete his training, and then..." Amy said until she realized he was gone "OH NO!"

"Damn, he's fast" Bobby commented.

"We must find him before he does the unthinkable!" Amy said.

"Let's go! To the impala!" Axel ordered as everybody got into the Impala.

They drove away...but they forgot Connie.

"***muffled*** hey, you forgot me!" Connie said "F*ck..."

Werewolf Dylan was in the city's downtown district where he found the antique shop. For some reason, he was attached to the silver necklace. So he broke the glass and took it with his mouth. As soon the alarm rang, he ran away with the necklace on his mouth.

Our heroes continued looking for Dylan.

"Dylan!" Amy called.

"Where the hell are you?!" Axel asked.

Then they finally found Dylan, with the necklace in his mouth.

"There you are!" Brian said.

"What's that thing he's holding in his mouth?" Chris asked.

"It's the necklace I saw earlier!" Amy said.

"Looks like he likes shiny things" Bobby said.

"You're a bad dog, Dylan!" Amy scolded him "Stealing is wrong! Now give me the necklace!" She tried to take it, but he refused "Give it to me!"

She and Dylan pulled until they both let the necklace go up in the air and it slipped on Dylan's neck. Suddenly, the sapphire started to shine and the light covered Dylan completely.

"What's going on?!" Brian asked.

The light was ceased and Dylan was changed back to normal. He was naked of course.

"He changed back..." Chris said.

"Dylan, are you all right?" Brian asked.

"Uh...I...guess..." Dylan answered, a little dizzy.

"Ah...Dilly, you're not wearing any clothes" Amy said.

"Oh my god!" Dylan screamed, blushing as hell.

"Put on my shirt" Jet said, giving his green shirt. He still had his white long-sleeve undershirt anyway.

"The necklace turned me back to normal" Dylan said.

"You can't have the necklace, We should take it back to the store" Brian said.

"But Dad, with this object, I don't have to worry about my transformation anymore" Dylan said.

"He got a point, Brian" Axel said, "Besides, who's going to give a crap about a necklace?"

"***sighed*** I'm still not convinced, but if that's makes you feel safe, okay" Brian said.

"Yes!" Dylan cheered.

"Dude, I can see your little buddy" Bobby said.

"Oh, crap!" Dylan cursed, covering his privates with the shirt.

"Here, you can wear my tights!" Amy said, giving her sky-blue tights. She still had her skirt anyway.

"Who do you think I am? Your brother?" Dylan asked.

Everybody laughed at Dylan's comment

**End of Tale #2**

**Tale #3: Two Strong Rivals**

A young man with a sword was in the woods, training his sword skills. He quickly kicks the tree, making it drop several leaves. He jumps high and in a flurry of quick slices, cuts every single one of them. He was revealed to be...Matthew Ryder.

"***sighed*** I've become stronger. Today was a good day." Matthew said, until he heard something near from here.

He looked around until he found Connie. She was still tied up and wearing the playboy bunny costume.

"Connie?" Matthew asked as he took off…or rather rip off Connie's tape.

"OW!" Connie screamed of pain "Hey, that hurts!"

"***sarcastically*** Well, sorry Ms. D'Amico" Matthew said.

"You won't believe what happened to me" Connie said.

"Axel did this to you?" Matthew asked.

"Yeah, he did-what? How did you know" Connie asked, surprised that Matthew knows about it.

"Let me take you home. My sister got a few clothes you can borrow." Matthew said.

Matthew took Connie to his house. She was wearing a pink T-shirt with a Jigglypuff on it and denim hot pants.

"Didn't she has a normal T-shirt?" Connie asked "You know, one that doesn't have any of those stupid Japanese cartoony animals that don't exist"

"It's all the 'decent' clothes she has" Matthew answered.

"Anyway, how do you know about how Axel terrorize me and my friends?" Connie asked.

"Meg told me how Axel made her school life easier." Matthew answered "Which obviously means making yours and your friends' worse"

"Well, this guy is a complete psycho" Connie said "He chained Scott inside of a dirty bathroom"

**Flashback**

Scott was cutting off his chained leg with a handsaw.

"OH GOD! OH GOD! THAT F*CKING HURTS!" Scott screamed as a lot of blood was pouring out.

"Welcome to the club." John Kramer from the _Saw_ series growled, his foot chained as well.

"**Flashback's end**

"He gave Gina and Jasmine **(A/E: the black haired Connie's friend, I can't find her real name)** a killer doll" Connie added.

**Flashback**

Both girls opened a present box and Chucky from _Child's Play _came out.

"Prepare to die, bitches!" Chucky exclaimed, holding a knife.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" both girls screamed of horror.

**Flashback's end**

"And I heard there was a new student called 'Mental Mike (from 'A Fistful of Meg')' who threatened Meg's life and you can imagine what happened next" Connie said.

**Flashback**

Mental Mike is shown to be cut in half after being sliced by a chainsaw.

"I'm gonna need a lot of acid" Axel said, covered with blood.

**Flashback's end**

"Wow, he really loves horror movies" Matthew commented.

"He's out of control!" Connie replied "We just do harmless pranks and he does unnecessary cruel punishments that could affect us psychologically for the rest of our lives!"

"I guess somebody has to put his feet back on the ground" Matthew said.

"You mean like...you?" Connie asked.

"***sighed*** okay, I'll try" Matthew answered as Connie hugged him.

"Oh, thank you so much!" Connie exclaimed.

"Yeah, yeah..." Matthew replied.

Next day after school, Axel and Dylan were walking home together until Matthew appeared in front of them.

"Hey, you!" Matthew called.

"Me?" Dylan asked.

"No, Axel Everett" Matthew answered "What's your problem?"

"Well, you're blocking our way home...other than that, it could be the almost insatiable sex drive or the bloodlust I have." Axel answered.

"No, I mean, why are you torturing Connie and her friends?" Matthew asked.

"Are you KIDDING ME?" Axel asked in shock, "That's why you're here?! You defending a heartless bitch after what you did to your childhood friend? To Chris and so many harmless kids? Do you not realize how much suicide deaths had dropped since I came into town?"

"Hey, maybe she and Meg have their...'disagreements', but you don't have the right step on them like bugs!" Matthew said.

"And what you're gonna do?" Axel asked "Call the police? I already put them in their place…" It closed in on his face with a dark grin.

**Flashback**

"Dear Police Department, please ignore the actions of city local Axel Everett. He is actually a undercover CIA agent that had splashed in the Fountain of Youth, looking significantly younger. If you don't believe us, asks him for his gun. That should be good enough for credentials. Sincerely, the CIA." Joe read inside his office. "Hmm, looks clean. It's not like the CIA to lie to an crippled accomplished policeman."

**Flashback's End**

"Nope..." Matthew said taking out his sword "I'm gonna fight you!"

"Yeah, I heard Eddie kicked your ass long ago" Axel said "Me? I'm a million times stronger than him. If you can't beat Eddie…you can't beat me."

"Don't underestimate me" Matthew warned "Unlike Eddie, who stopped training to spend time with Meg, I've been training every single day"

"Don't make me laugh" Axel said, continuing his way.

"Let me show you" Matthew said raising his sword "AAAAARGHHHH!" he swung the sword to unleash a strong gust of wind that made Axel covered himself with his arm.

Then Axel's sleeve was tore apart and a cut was made.

"Not bad, huh?" Matthew asked.

"You...made me bleed" Axel said, before turning to face him. Raising his hand, he pointed at him, "You… are already dead"

He took out his Desert Eagle and Ragnarok and started shooting at him. But he reflected every single bullet and then tried to slash him. But Axel flips backwards, and once he landed on his feet, he retaliates with a hard punch, sending Matt to the football field.

Matthew stood up, sheathing his sword and both guys stared at each other with fierce intent. Both eyes zoom in cinematic style. Then they both charged at each other, engaging in hand-to-hand combat. Matthew gave him two punches and a kick, but Axel dodged them all. Then Axel gave him a kick, but Matthew grabbed his leg and threw him against a football pole.

"Wow...you're really different from Eddie." Axel said.

"Now, are you gonna leave Connie and her friends alone?" Matthew asked.

"Never!" Axel said taking out his guns and shooting again.

Matthew reflected the bullets again. Axel kept shooting until he was out of bullets.

"Goddamn it!" Axel cursed.

"This is why I use swords" Matthew said "They never run out" he took a high jump "AAAAAAAAAAAARGHHH!"

Axel threw his Ragnarok, sending the shotgun spinning towards Matthew's hand. With a vicious smack of steel, it made Matt drop his sword to the ground. Axel quickly took the sword and pointed at Matthew as soon as he landed hard on the ground.

"Sorry, Mattie, but I win" Axel said.

"Go ahead, finish me so I can die like a noble warrior" Matthew said as Axel raised the sword "WAIT! I was joking! I'm very stupid!"

Axel was about to stab him...but he stabbed the ground.

"No, you fought honorably" Axel said "You're a worthy rival"

"Does that means you'll leave Connie and her friends alone?" Matthew asked.

"***laughing*** good one" Axel said "Just tell her not to mess with me or my friends...except Eddie...and Meg, I don't care if Shen's General feels sorry for her, it wouldn't be _Family Guy _if there was no Meg bashing."

He just leave, catching his Ragnarok from mid-air as Matthew just lied in the ground.

"I can't believe I defended a blonde bitch..." Matthew said "I hate to admit it...but she looked cute when she asked for my help"

Connie was behind of the lockers watching the fight the whole time.

**End of Tale #3 AND the chapter**


	30. Nice Girls

**Chapter 30: Nice Girls**

A title sequence with a logo called 'DreamWings (parody of DreamWorks)' is shown while whimsical music from the _Shrek_ soundtrack is played. Revealed in a magical spotlight is a generic fairytale book. The book was opened as the narrator, voiced by Bradley Cooper, started the story with a princess.

_Once upon a time there was a kind and lovely princess._

The page was turned to reveal the princess trapped in a tower guarded by a Dragon.

_Who was trapped in a tower where there lived a fire-breathing dragon._

Another page was turned to reveal hundreds of knights fighting the dragon.

_So many knights tried to face the dragon to rescue the princess. But none of them could defeat him._

The final page revealed the knight rescuing the princess.

_But she had the hope that one day, her true love will rescue her and she receives the kiss of her true love..._

Suddenly the narrator's hand ripped off the page and it revealed it was Zack reading a story to Cody.

"Yeah, right, like that would EVER happen" Zack said, closing the book.

"Yeah, what a load of crap" Cody said.

"Okay, son, time to go to sleep" Zack said.

"Ah...it's already morning" Cody said.

"Does that mean we stayed awake all night?" Zack asked.

"Don't worry, I know how to stay awake" Cody said taking out a donut and ate it "Also..." He took out two cans: a regular coke and Red Bull. He drank them at the same time.

***BURP***

"And I already had breakfast" Cody said.

"That's my boy!" Zack praised.

And so Zack and Cody started their routine while the song 'All Star' by Smash Mouth is playing: They prepared their bath in a giant cauldron. They used ROB-B's laser beam to heat the cauldron, but of course, it overheated the water to the point that they almost burned themselves in a comical way.

_Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming_

_Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running_

_Didn't make sense not to live for fun_

_Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb_

_So much to do so much to see_

_So what's wrong with taking the back streets_

_You'll never know if you don't go_

_You'll never shine if you don't glow_

They brushed their teeth AND shave their beards, even though Cody doesn't have a beard...or does he? After they got dressed, what do they do now? Sitting on and relax like two lazy guys.

_Hey now you're an All Star get your game on, go play_

_Hey now you're a Rock Star get the show on get paid_

_All that glitters is gold_

_Only shooting stars break the mold_

***Solo Whistling***

Unfortunately for them, every month a Child Protection Services agent come to do an inspection to know if Zack's living conditions are appropriate for Cody. Otherwise they'll put Cody in an orphanage, something that they don't want that to happen. But of course, they both have a plan.

_Hey now you're an All Star get your game on, go play_

_Hey now you're a Rock Star get the show on get paid_

_All that glitters is gold_

_Only shooting stars break the mold_

When the song ended the agent arrived and Zack was waiting for him.

"Excuse me, are you Zack Murdock?" the agent asked.

"Hello, you must be from Child Protection Service, am I right?" Zack asked.

"Yes, I'm here to see if your living conditions are adequate for raising a child" the agent answered.

"I see...Cody! Come in here!" Zack called as Cody came out...with a paintball gun.

"We don't want unwanted visitors!" Cody said shooting at the agent.

"Wait-argh-stop it!" the agent begged, as he was covered with paint.

"Looks like green is your color" Zack said.

"This is unacceptable!" The agent said, furious.

"You mean like THIS?!" Zack asked pulling a rope and a bucket of dog food covered the agent.

"What's all this?" the agent asked.

"Just our dog's food" Zack answered "Dylan!"

Dylan in his werewolf form (wearing his pants) came out and started barking at the agent. The agent just screamed and ran away. Zack and Cody just laughed off their asses after getting rid of another agent.

"That was awesome!" Cody cheered.

"Totally, nobody messes with the Murdocks!" Zack said.

"You're the coolest dad I ever had" Cody said as they both gave each other a high five.

Dylan transformed back into his human form.

"Thanks for helping us, Dylan" Zack thanked.

"You're welcome" Dylan replied "With this necklace, I can transform whenever I feel like it. Like when Eddie asked me to give Adam Sandler a 'gift'"

**Cutaway**

"Hello? Anybody here?" Adam Sandler asked as he stepped on...something "Oh my god...!" He saw what he stepped on "I want THIS thing for my next movie! I'm gonna call my friends!"

He took out his cellphone that only has six names: Rob Schneider, Kevin James, Chris Rock, David Spade, Nick Swardson and 'Any A-Class Actor Who Has No Dignity'.

**Cutaway's end**

In Connie's house; Mrs. D'Amico was in the living room, reading a People magazine.

**DING-DONG!**

She opened the door and found her daughter Connie beaten up. She had both black eyes, her right arm broken, her left leg broken and her back broken. Even part of her blouse was tore up revealing her pink bra.

"My god, Connie, what happen?" Mrs. D'Amico asked.

"Axel...Axel happened...again" Connie answered.

**Flashback**

Connie was carrying a bag with a cupcake as she got into her car...until somebody pointed a pistol at her. It happened to be Axel wearing a Bane (from the _Dark Knight Rise_s) mask.

"Hello there, Blondie bitch" Axel said, as his voice sounds like Sean Connery wearing Darth Vader's helmet "I thought I've told you never to mess with me or one of my friends"

"What did I do now?" Connie asked "And why are you wearing that stupid mask?"

"It doesn't matter what I'm wearing, although this Bane mask makes me a total boss. What does matters is that Chris wanted that last cupcake very much." Axel answered "Just give it to me and I may have mercy on you"

"Hey, that's not fair, I bought that cupcake first, so it's mine!" Connie said, taking out of the cupcake out of the bag to proceed to eat it.

But then he took Connie out of the car and started beating her up in a very brutal way. Then he finished her off by breaking her back with his knee.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Connie screamed painfully.

Then he abruptly dropped her, he grabbed the cupcake and walked away.

"Chocolate with marshmallows...yeah, it was so worth the Batman reference." Axel said.

**Flashback's ends**

"He broke my back for a frickin' cupcake!" Connie said.

"Well...maybe you should have just given him the cupcake." Mrs. D'Amico replied.

"WHAT?!" Connie asked outraged "Why are you on his side?!"

"He made me sign a contract" Mrs. D'Amico answered "Don't judge me! Unlike you, I appreciate my life"

"I hate you!" Connie shouted "I'd wish Amy Adams was my mother!"

She just went to her room to cry.

"Why her?" Mrs. D'Amico asked "Sure, she was good in _The Fighter. Julie and Julia_? Meh..."

Next day, in Zack's RV, they invited Axel to tell him how they got rid of the agent.

"*laughing* That was hilarious!" Axel said.

"You know, you should have a child too, Ax" Zack said.

"Sorry, I am too young and too busy being badass to even consider having a child." Axel said "Plus, I'm happy using every single condom I have on every single beauty."

"Your loss, dude" Zack said "But I'm telling you: my life with Cody is awesome. With a life like this, what can be better than this?"

Suddenly, there's a knock on the door. Zack went to answer and it was...Nicole.

"Hi, Zack..." Nicole greeted with a sad tone.

"Nicole?! What are you doing here?" Zack asked.

"Does this photo turns you on?" Nicole asked showing a photo of a female butt covered with black satin panties.

"Kind of..." Zack answered.

"Well, that's ME!" Nicole said as she hugged his arm "Come back with me! I miss you!"

"Sorry, but I don't miss you" Zack said "In fact: I'm happier without you"

"Zack, who's that girl?" Axel asked.

"It's Jess!" Jess from _New Girl_ cheered out of nowhere. Axel and the others looked at her oddly, as she slowly disappeared.

"She's the bitch I was talking about" Zack answered "Why did you come back?"

"Listen, after you gave me the $1,000, I went to Las Vegas to spend it all..." Nicole started to explain her story.

**Flashback**

Nicole was in Las Vegas getting drunk, consuming drugs like cocaine and marijuana, everything you can imagine when you go to Las Vegas.

_I was living La Vida De Loca in the most exotic American paradise until I realized something..._

She ended every morning in her hotel room completely hungover.

_I was wasting my life..._

**Flashback's end**

"Then there was a tiger, a naked Chinese man in a police car and Mike Tyson" Nicole said.

"Did that really happen to you? Because it's sounds like you just described _The Hangover_'" Axel said.

"I don't know, I was so wasted that it could happen." Nicole said "But the point is...I wanna get back together with the sexy loser I left behind…"

"Look: I have three reasons as to why I would never get back with you." Zack said "One: You're a bitch. Two: you never told me about Cody when you were pregnant. And three and most importantly: You're a BITCH!"

"But Cody needs a mother" Nicole said as she saw Cody "Hi, honey!" but Cody ignored her "Won't you say 'hello' to mommy?"

"Hi..." Cody greeted in a very cold manner.

"Hey, I didn't drive thousands of miles just for a stupid 'hi', come and hug me!" Nicole demanded with open arms.

"Look, you obviously didn't change at all" Zack said "So, get the hell out of here!"

"Please, Zack!" Nicole begged "I know I was mean to you, but...it wasn't my fault!"

"Let me guess: alcoholic father, school bullying, your parents were killed by a bastard from an evil organization?" Axel asked.

"Actually I had an evil redhead 16 year old babysitter who tortured me when I was 10 **(A/E: sounds familiar?)**" Nicole said until she started to look off into the distance, like she was having a flashback "Oh no, please don't put me in that cage! I'm not an animal!"

"What the hell?" Zack asked, clearly disturbed.

"Zack, don't give her a chance, she clearly has psychological issues. Take it from the son of a once great CIA agent." Axel answered.

"Good idea" Zack said "Nicole…"

"Please don't make me wear that meat costume!" Nicole begged with her eyes closed.

"NICOLE!" Zack snapped her out.

"Uh? So, is that a yes?" Nicole asked.

"Absolutely not!" Zack answered "You had your chance and you blew it. Now, piss off!

"But, Zack...!" But then Axel pointed at her with his gun.

"You heard it, bitch" Axel said "You don't deserve my best friend or my best friend's son. Now, get out if you appreciate your life!"

Nicole just stayed quiet and she just left the RV.

"Wow, that was intense..." Cody commented.

"ROB-B" ROB-B agreed

Nicole continued her way in the woods as the theme 'Lonely Man' from _the Incredible Hulk_ is played. She found a flower and she picked it; but the flower just died being in her presence. Then she found a squirrel and she wanted to hug it, but the squirrel attacked her. And finally she found a frog and for crazy as it sounds, she picked it up to kiss it. But instead of becoming a handsome prince, it became a grotesque and deformed half-human, half-frog.

"Kill me..." The 'prince frog' said as he vomited, causing Nicole to panic as she ran away.

She was finally out of the woods where she ended in the parking lot of the Quahog's mall. Then she crashed into...Connie.

"OW!" They both screamed as they both fell down.

"Hey, watch out, bitch!" Connie insulted.

"You watch out!" Nicole said, but then she slapped herself, "I mean, I'm sorry. It was my fault" then she realized Connie was looking around "What are you doing?"

"I'm sorry, but some psychopath called Axel Everett could be anywhere, looming in the shadows, ready to attack." Connie answered.

"Why?" Nicole asked "Not that I care"

"He beats me up every time I mess with him or one of his friends!" Connie said "You're not his friend, are you?"

"No, I don't even know who he is!" Nicole said.

"I don't know what to do!" Connie said "I'm the most popular girl of my school, all the losers are supposed to fear me! Now, I am fearing the losers!"

"Yeah, sometimes losers won't take your crap anymore and they stand up against you" Nicole said "Then when you try to apologize, they keep telling you to piss off"

"You know, this is the strangest meeting I've ever had" Connie said "But these days, I feel safer with a stranger"

"I'm Nicole, so I'm not a stranger anymore" Nicole said.

"Connie D'Amico" Connie said "So...I was going to the mall. Wanna come?"

"Sure, why not?" Nicole answered "At least you're not a kid in a toy commercial"

**Cutaway**

**_IT'S NEW!_**

**_IT'S AWESOME!_**

**_IT'S THE MEGACHARIZARD X ACTION FIGURE!_**

The action figure is shown with all its features: waving wings, plastic blue fire launchers and a button that makes him roar.

_**WITH ALL THE FEATURES THAT ANY POWERFUL POKÉMON SHOULD HAVE!**_

"Wow, this new Charizard is awesome!" The boy said holding the toy.

**_MEGACHARIZARD X FROM POKÉMON X AND Y!_**

***batteries not included**

After the commercial, everyone began to pack up.

"Good job, kid" the director said "Now give me back the toy"

"Hey, what are you doing? It's mine!" the boy said.

"No, it's not" the director corrected "We must put it back to the box. You want one? You have to buy it"

Then the boy turned berserk and attacked the director. He ended up ripping off the director's hand to get the toy. The boy became happy after getting the toy.

"Oh, Charizard, you and me will be very happy!" the boy said.

"Somebody call Nurse Joy..." the director said, losing blood.

**Cutaway's end**

Meanwhile; the boys were hanging out, shooting cans with Axel's guns near Zack's RV. Zack tried shooting at a can on a fence with a pistol, but miss.

"Dammit!" Zack cursed.

"Geez, Zack, you are off your game" Matthew said, pulling out a revolver and fired at a nearby can.

"I know...it's just Nicole coming back came as a surprise for me" Zack said.

"Why? She's a bitch!" Axel said "So what if it's Cody's biological mother? Just forget about her!"

"I know! But what she said really got me thinking...what if she really want to get back with me?" Zack asked

"I don't know, it does seem a bit iffy..." Dylan said pulling out a Glock and fired at a can.

"No way!" Matt said "She left you when you lost your job, had a child without you knowing, and come back expecting you to pay her!"

Since Matt has magical powers, he threw a fireball from his hand to hit a can, making that video game sound effect from _Super_ _Mario Bros_.

"Now hold on a moment!" Eddie said "I truly think that every one deserves a second chance, especially people like her" his comment made Axel laughed "What's so funny?"

"Nothing, if you'd remember a thing, you'd sound like a hypocrite" Axel said

"I know Sarah Stone was evil and she deserved the beating I gave her" Eddie said "But I can't help to think that hitting a girl is wrong"

Eddie threw a bunch of shuriken, mowing down a row of cans.

"I agree with Axel" Chris said "Nicole is like another Connie, and if you put two Connies in a town, you have a major disturbance in the natural balance of the world on your hand"

"Say what?" Zack asked.

"We have one more bitch to deal with!" Chris answered, pulling out an Uzi and fired it...pointing upwards, shooting down a bird.

"Damn it, I just don't know what to do" Zack said, frustrated.

"Well..." Axel pulled out a bag of weed "Some douche paid me in weed from my last hunt, so given how all of us except Dylan hadn't smoke yet, we should give it a try"

"No way! Drugs are bad!" Eddie protested "Think of the message it would send to our viewers!

"Come on, we are all guys here, it's not like any of us going to spray a can of pepper spray up your ass and kill you" Axel said.

**(A/E: This did actually happen in _1000 Ways to Die_)**

"I guess this is the right time to do a pointless _That 70's Show_ reference" Eddie said "Transition!"

A transition where Eddie is jumping while Meg and Amy were dancing in a psychedelic colorful background is shown.

A few minutes later, Zack and the others are in the RV smoking weed (except Eddie). The camera shows one guy talking then shifting it left and right in wide angle shot.

"Ooooookay, I'm high now. Any suggestions as to how to deal with Nicole?" Zack asked.

"I don't-don't-don't know about you...but I think we should we kill her" Axel said.

***Audience laughing***

"Come on, man, don't be like that" Eddie said covering his mouth "Maybe you and her should try and connect with each others. There got to be a reason why you two hooked up in the first place"

"Well...she was smoking hot..." Zack said.

***Audience saying 'oooohhh**'*

"That's a good point" Matthew said.

"But she was a major beyoch!" Zack replied.

***Audience laughing***

"I think we should kill her...by playing a game" Axel said, dressed up as Jigsaw from the _SAW_ series.

***Audience laughing***

"Yeah, so was Connie...not to mention Meg when she got that makeover...why is it that most beautiful girls are bitches?" Chris asked.

"Because now every young woman wants to be like Kim Kardashian?" Matt asked.

***Audience laughing***

"I think we should we kill her...in her dreams" Axel said, now dressed up as Freddie Krueger.

***Audience laughing***

"I just don't know...do you think maybe Meg might have some good ideas, ROB-B?" Zack asked

"ROB-B!" ROB-B said also high, even though it's a robot **(A/E: Come on, Bender from Futurama smokes too!)**.

***Audience laughing***

"Meg?" Eddie asked "I guess we should ask her"

"Why don't we cut her up into little pieces and feed her to the pooches, hmm?" Axel asked, now dressed up as the Joker.

***Audience laughing***

"Are you alright, Axel?" Eddie asked "Do you always act this surreal when you're doing drugs?" he expected the audience to laugh "What happened to the audience?"

It shows Axel (still high) terrorizing the audience and that's why they didn't laugh.

Meanwhile in Quahog's mall; the girls were getting in.

"When I'm upset or recovering from pulling a prank on Meg, me and my friends come to the mall" Connie said.

"What's so special about a place full of local stores?" Nicole asked.

"Are you kidding me?" Connie asked "It has everything you need and DON'T need, but you buy it anyway!"

They were in Macy's where Connie was wearing a black cocktail dress.

"You want a dress to go out? Macy's has dozens of them" Connie said.

Then they're in Victoria Secret where Connie is wearing a pink baby doll.

"You wanna get ready for sex? Victoria Secret will give it to you" Connie said.

Now they're in Tiffany & Co. in the mugs' section

"Mugs for your grandmother in Tiffany & Co." Connie said.

Then they're in RadioShack in the television section

"TV Remotes for your dad in RadioShack" Connie said.

Now they're in Petco, in the amphibian section.

"The best frogs to put in your worst enemy's locker can be found in Petco" Connie said.

And they stopped in the food court.

"Taco Bell, Panda Express, both Mexican and Chinese food in the same place" Connie said "But I wouldn't eat the donuts from Dunkin' Donuts. I heard they use the same oil to fry as Carl's Jr."

**Cutaway**

Using stock footage from a _Nostalgia Critic_ episode ('Eight Crazy Nights review'), here's the Critic's reaction for the product placement of this scene.

"***shocked*** Oh my God" the Nostalgia Critic commented, pulling up the poster of _Man of Steel_ "Baby, I'm so sorry. I mean, I thought your product placement was the worst, but after seeing this..." He let it go "You go and be subtle, I'm gonna suffer through the rest of this"

**Cutaway's end**

Connie and Nicole continued visiting the mall.

"You really know this place like the back of your hand" Nicole said.

"Duh, I'm a urban girl, this place is like a second home" Connie said "I know every single store it has" Then they saw a fortuneteller tent in the middle of the mall "Okay, I've never seen this tent here before"

"I'm curious, let's go to see" Nicole said.

They got into the fortuneteller where they found...Amy dressed like a gypsy.

"Welcome to the mystical world of fortunetelling!" Amy greeted, speaking in a surreal way.

"Oh, great, Eddie's crazy little sister" Connie complained.

"Who's Eddie?" Nicole asked.

"My worst enemy's boyfriend" Connie answered "I was crazy for him a while back, but then...I found out he's a little too sensitive"

"I wouldn't mind if he loved me" Nicole said.

"Do you want to know your future?" Amy asked.

"Come on, it could be fun" Nicole answered.

"***sighs*** All right..." Connie reluctantly accepted.

Amy started using her crystal ball and started making really weird sounds.

"You both were poisoned, poisoned by the apple of EVIL!" Amy said.

"What?" Connie asked.

"Your appearances seem pretty, but your souls are uglier than Quasimodo!" Amy said.

"Okay, thanks for the fortunetelling" Connie said "Let's go, Nicole"

"YOU!" Amy said pointing at Connie "You may look like a confident and smart girl, but under your skin, you're weak and...uh...what's the opposite of smart?"

"Idiotic?" Nicole answered as a question.

"AND YOU!" Amy said "You treated such a good guy and his son like trash and you think telling them 'sorry' will be enough to earn their forgiveness?"

"How do you know...?" Nicole asked.

"It's Axel! It's a trap!" Connie answered "Oh sh*t, now I quoting nerds! Run!"

But then Amy pressed a button on the crystal ball to release a sleeping gas that knocked out Connie and Nicole.

...

Then Connie and Nicole woke up in a dark place.

"Where are we?" Nicole asked.

"I don't know, but I'm so scared that I think I wet my underwear" Connie answered.

Suddenly several candles were lit, revealing four figures wearing brown robes and holding candles.

"This is really bad" Connie said.

"***sarcastically*** It was SO nice to meet you" Nicole said.

Then the leader took off the hood revealing Meg.

"Meg?" Connie asked.

"Welcome, bitches, to the Nice Girl Ritual" Meg greeted.

"Okay, what's all this?" Connie asked "Some kind of freaky-geeky club?"

"Silence!" Meg ordered "You both had made your choice and there is no turning back!"

"Choice? You took us against our will!" Connie corrected.

"Silence!" Meg ordered "Sister Amy, please continue"

"This ritual will teach you how to be nice and kind" Amy explained "Sister Katie"

"They'll also make you hard-working women" Katie said "Sister Jillian"

"So guys like my Jackie will chase after you" Jillian said.

"I have a bad feeling about this (_Star Wars_ reference)" Connie said "Oh no! I'm becoming a nerd!"

"Come on, my brother is a big _Star Wars_ fan and he's not a nerd" Amy said.

"I accept the ritual" Nicole said "I just want my family back"

"Well, if being a nice girl means Axel leaving me alone, I'll accept the challenge" Connie said.

"Good...may the ritual..." Meg said.

Suddenly the lights turned on as Lois came in with a basket of dirty clothes.

"Meg, how many times did I say about performing potentially illegal activities in our basement?" Lois asked.

"Mom! I'm in a middle of something very important!" Meg complained.

"Then you won't mind if I wash the clothes" Lois said turning on the washing machine.

"LET'S DO THIS QUICK!" Meg said, louder "MAY THE RITUAL BEGINS!" Meg declared as Amy made the gong sound.

They started with Amy's challenge. They were in the kitchen, Amy was wearing a dress-like chef outfit while Connie and Nicole were wearing aprons.

"All right, girlfriends! Your first challenge is making some cupcakes for my little chubby boyfriend right here!" Amy explained as Chris is shown with a fork, a knife and wearing a big napkin with a cupcake drawing.

"Wait, I don't know anything about cooking!" Connie said.

"I only use a microwave" Nicole said "But I always hated that if I put a burrito in, it's hot on the outside, but it's still cold on the inside"

"Cooking is easy!" Amy said, starting a cheerful song

_Amy:_

_All you have to do is take a cup of flour!_

_Add it to the mix!_

_Now just take a little something sweet, not sour!_

_A bit of salt, just a pinch!_

_Baking these treats is such a cinch!_

_Add a teaspoon of vanilla!_

_Add a little more, and you count to four,_

_And you never get your fill of..._

_Cupcakes! So sweet and tasty!_

_Cupcakes! Don't be too hasty!_

_Cupcakes! Cupcakes, cupcakes, CUPCAKES!_

"Thank you, Pinkie, for letting me use your song!" Amy thanked.

"Your welcome!" Pinkie Pie, who was suddenly there for some odd reason, "Now if you excuse me, I got some Weird Al's flank to kick."

"It seems easy" Connie said "What could possibly go wrong?"

**One hour later...**

Connie's and Nicole's cupcakes were ready. Connie's cupcake was black with a slimy purple frosting while Nicole's was red with white frosting.

"Well, what do you think?" Connie asked.

"I'll take yours first" Chris answered, eating Connie's cupcake, only to spit it out "Yuck! It takes like coal!"

"Damn it!" Connie cursed.

"Nicole's looks nice" Chris said, eating it...but then his face turned red and started breathing fire "AAAAAAAHHHHH!" he quickly went to the sink and drank a bunch of water.

"That's it, we failed" Nicole said in vain.

"No, actually you passed!" Amy said "Meg told me that this challenge was about making horrible cupcakes for Chris for some reason"

"That will teach him NOT to wear one of my bras without my permission" Meg said.

**(A/E: It actually happened in 'Save the Clam')**

"We did it!" Connie cheered.

"Bring on the second challenge!" Nicole said.

Minutes later, there were in living room where the girls are wearing biknis. Connie was wearing a red one and Nicole was wearing a yellow one. They were posing while Jackie was making a sculpture behind a curtain.

"Don't move!" Jackie told "A true artist must capture every part of a body"

"This is embarrassing" Nicole commented.

"I always made guys drooling for me, but this is going too far" Connie replied.

"You guys should feel lucky" Jillian said "Jackie always draw pictures of me!"

**Flashback**

In the _Titanic_'s style; Jillian was lying on a sofa while Jackie was drawing picture of her, naked. Even the music from the movie is heard.

"Excellent babe" Jackie praised "You have the most precious body I've ever seen in my..."

**KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK!**

Are you done yet?!

Outside, there's a long line of male artists with their girlfriends in bathrobes.

"You're not the only one who wants to draw his girlfriend naked!" the artist said.

"If this ship sinks before we do it, we're through" the girlfriend warned.

"I wonder if DiCaprio ever had this problem…" Jackie sighed.

**Flashback's end**

"He says I'm his 'Desperation'" Jillian said

"Ah...it's 'Inspiration', dear" Jackie corrected "And...done! Behold my creation!"

He revealed a painted sculpture of...a red and a yellow fish.

"Hey, that's not us!" Connie complained

"We're not fishes!" Nicole replied

"Sorry, as you girls were wearing bikinis, I thought about a beach and in a beach there's water and fishes swim in the water" Jackie said "That's why I drew fishes!"

"That's stupid!" Nicole commented.

"Do we pass or not?" Connie asked.

"My Jackie is happy, so YES!" Jillian answered.

"Well, that was easy" Nicole said "I bet the next challenge will be easier"

But they ended in Rose Farms where they were milking the cows.

"***mocking with Nicole's voice*** I bet the next challenge will be easier" Connie said "God, I can't believe I'm touching an animal's genitals!"

"Did we REALLY drink milk from this animal when we were babies?!" Nicole asked.

"Actually, the milk from cows has to be pasteurized" Katie explained "You can't just drink milk from the cow. Besides: babies don't drink real milk, but some formula..."

"Yeah, yeah, I don't really care" Nicole said,

"After that, you must clean off the horses' dregs (excrement)" Nicole said "Chocolate ate really bad hay"

They gave looks of utter disgust.

Finally, they're were back to the Griffin's living room. They were exhausted from the last challenge.

"God...I never been through such a humiliating day in my life..." Connie complained

"You're upset? I still smell like horsesh*t!" Nicole said.

"And...we have one more test...and it is from...*gasp* MEG!" Connie said with fear

"Oh no...I swear, if she goes _Carrie_ on us, you are on your own" Nicole said.

The ladies walked in and stands in front of the two girls.

"Okay, bitches, it is time for the final ultimate test..." Meg said

"Meg, I know we had a very bad past, but please...don't do anything that will kill us!" Connie pleaded on her knees.

"Oh, don't worry, Connie" Meg said rubbing her head "I may hate you, but I am not that evil"

"Phew..." Connie and Nicole let a sigh.

"My test to you guys is simple, a true sign that you are capable of being good...you two...must confess your feelings to Matt Ryder and Zack Murdock"

"WHAT?! What feelings?" Connie asked.

"Don't deny it, girl" Katie said "I heard saying his name while you were cleaning off Chocolate's dregs"

"You were like 'Oh, save me Matthew Ryder'!" Amy said, imitating Connie "'Save me from that crazy psychopath! Come on, Axel may seem like a homicidal murderer at the outside, but he's really a sweetheart on the inside…'"

"***blushing*** I...never said that" Connie said.

"Okay...that's simple enough, where is he?" Nicole asked.

"That's just the thing...you might want to turn on the tv" Meg answered.

In fear, Connie took the remote control and turned it on to show a game show...

**TV Cutaway**

_Welcome, we have a special episode of the Price Is Right today...as it is not the Price is Right, but a show that the boy that came in and bribe us calls..._

_**SAY THE MAGIC WORD, YOU BITCHES, AND I WON'T KILL YOUR GUY!**_

**TV Cutaway's end**

"Say what now?" Connie asked.

**TV Cutaway**

It showed Zack and Matt tied up in chairs, as Drew Carrey, the host of the show, walked in.

"Good afternoon, everyone, welcome to..." Drew Carrey greeted.

_**SAY THE MAGIC WORD, YOU BITCHES, AND I WON'T KILL YOUR GUY!**_

"We are here today to help reform two hometown bitches from Quahog, and our friend Meg has devised a way to do sl" Drew explained So...here we have two guys from Quahog, with rumors speculating that the two bitches like"

***audience saying 'oooohhh'***

"But, in order for the two bitches to be worthy of these fine gentlemen, we are going to have to play a little game...involving our guest star, AXEL EVERETT!" Drew exclaimed.

Axel walked in, as he is wielding his shotgun, the Ragnarok.

**TV Cutaway's end**

"I know him, he was with Zack in his RV!" Nicole said.

"My worst nightmare is here" Connie said "I knew he was behind all this!"

**TV Cutaway**

"Axel? What's going on?" Zack asked.

"Yeah? Why the f*ck am I tied to an f*cking chair?" Matthew asked.

"Okay, you bitches at home in the Griffin residence sitting on the couch" Axel said "Here's how the game work, as the title implied, the two of you must guess the magic word that will allow these two gentlemen to walk out of here...but here's a catch"

Then to the side of both of them, a row of objects, ranging from pumpkins to awful videos appeared.

As you see, I have a shotgun in my hand, and there are nine objects to each side of our two friends, if you fail to guess the word, I shoot the object leading up to your respective man, and if you don't get it on your tenth try...I kill him." Axel explained darkly.

"WHAT?! YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!" Zack, Nicole, Connie and Matthew screamed.

"Oh, I am dead serious" Axel said "So, all you need to do is guess the right words, and they will survive. If not...then I lost a good friend and a good rival"

"F*CK YOU, AXEL!" Matthew yelled.

"Shut up, Meg's friend" Axel told him "If you want to make a guess, call this hotline, 1-800-IMASUPERBITCH, I will await your answer...but for now, a word from our sponsors."

Cartman, wearing his cheesy poof costume, appeared singing.

_Cartman:_

_I love Cheesy Poofs!_

_You love Cheesy Poofs!_

_If we didn't eat Cheesy Poofs_

_We'd be lame!_

"You sprinking suck, Cartman!" Kludd from _Legend of the Guardians_ said, off-screen.

"Hey, screw you, Scarface!" Cartman said as Kludd started attacking him "OW! AH! GET OFF ME!

"We'll be back right after these messages!" Butters said to the camera.

**TV Cutaway's end**

"We gotta do something! he's gonna kill the father of my son!" Nicole said.

"Meg, how can you let this bastard do this to your friends?!" Connie asked.

"First off: Zack bullied me when I was 14 and Matthew...I hate him a little for trying to defend you from Axel" Meg said "Besides, why do you care? What happened to James Woods High School's biggest bitch?"

"Well...I..." Connie said, stammering "I deserve to be with Matthew Ryder!"

"And me with Zack Murdock!" Nicole said "Let's go rescue them!"

"Here, you can use my tandem bicycle" Amy said.

Both girls took the tandem bicycle and went to the rescue.

Meanwhile in the Television Studios where the game show is...

"Axel, I thought we were friends!" Zack said.

"We are...but you know how much I hate bitches not matter how hot they are." Axel said.

"My son will never forgive you if you kill me!" Zack warned "Would you leave a kid without a fa-?!"

"Sorry, I can't hear you over this polka band playing!" Axel said, as suddenly…Cleveland Junior and his friends were playing polka music.

"Thank you for letting us play our song! It had been forever!" Junior thanked.

"I kissed my sister once" Matthew confessed.

"WHAT?!" Zack asked.

"Hey, if I'm gonna die, I have to confess my sins" Matthew answered "I also found Rapunzel from Tangled attractive"

"That's pretty normal...for the most part" Zack asked.

The girls finally arrived.

"Wow, you're both really fast" Axel said, impressed "You have an answer?"

"Listen Axel..." Nicole said.

"Wrong!" Axel said, shooting an object "Try again?"

"What?!" Connie asked "But we didn't even tell...!"

Axel shot three more objects.

"Oh my god!" Zack screamed.

"You still have 6 objects" Axel said, "Relax."

"Now, listen: you must stop this sick game right now!" Nicole said.

But Axel shot 5 more objects, remaining just ONE.

"AAAAHHH!" both guys screamed.

"STOP IT!" Nicole demanded as Axel shot the last object.

"You're gonna kill us!" Matthew said.

"I guess you girls can't be nice!" Axel said "But, as a consolation prize, I'll grant you ONE wish. And then I'll kill Zack and Matthew"

"Okay, it was a pleasure to meet you, Matthew" Zack said.

"I hate Miley Cyrus and Mila Kunis" Matthew said.

"YOU WHAT?!" Zack asked "I understand about Miley, her 'grown up' image didn't even help it, but MILA FREAKING KUNIS?!"

"I don't know, I just wanna punch her in the face" Matthew said.

"So, what's your wish?" Axel asked "It could be anything aside releasing these two"

"You wanna know our wish?" Nicole asked as he made Axel pointing his gun at her forehead "Shoot us instead"

"Eh...shut up, Nicole" Connie said.

"Are you sure?" Axel asked.

"I didn't take all those stupid challenges which I didn't know had to do with being a nice girl for nothing!" Nicole answered "Screw getting shot at! You can bludgeon us to death!"

"Nicole..." Connie said.

"You can rape us until our vaginas bleed!" Nicole added.

"Nicole..." Connie said.

"You can even make us wearing meat costumes and lock us in a cage and putting us in a pool of radioactive piranhas!" Nicole added, having another flashback about her past.

"NICOLE!" Connie shouted "Surprisingly this isn't helping. Listen, Axel..."

"Hold on, I'm writing the last thing she said" Axel said writing on his notebook called 'Torture Methods for Bastards and Bitches', "Man, whoever f*cked you up is a genius."

"I promise I'll never be a bitch again" Connie said "But please! I want this nightmare to go away!"

"Is that your wish?" Axel asked.

"NO! Our wish is to kill us, kill us NOW!" Nicole answered.

"All right..." Axel said, preparing his gun "Ready to die in 3...2...1...

"No, NO...I'M SORRY!" Connie exclaimed.

***DING* *DING* *DING***

"Congratulations, you won!" Drew cheered.

"We did?" Nicole and Connie asked.

The ropes that were tying Zack and Matthew up were broken.

"We're free!" Zack cheered.

"Oh, ZACK!" Nicole cheered, going to hug and kiss Zack several times.

"So you DID change, you were about to die for me" Zack said.

"I just want you, me and Cody to be a family" Nicole said.

"And we'll be...after I kick Axel's ass for trying to KILL ME!" Zack said, cracking his fists.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on, pal!" Axel said "I NEVER planned on killing you! Watch this" he shot at Connie.

"AH!" Connie screamed...but she had nothing "I'm...okay"

"I been using blanks the whole time." Axel said.

"Then how did you break these objects?" Matthew asked.

"Eddie!" Axel called.

"The coolness of special effects!" Eddie said holding a button that destroys an object.

"I wanted to use actual ammunitions to put the fear of God in you two, but Eddie was like ***imitating Eddie's voice*** 'oh, it's too cruel', 'oh, you have no soul', 'oh, I have sand in my vagina'" Axel said.

"You made up the last one" Eddie said.

"You're going down, anyway" Matthew said "I bet so many people watched that show"

"Actually, we only broadcasted this episode in the Griffins' house" Eddie said "Even the audience is fake.

They revealed the audience made of cardboards.

"And I'm not really Drew Carrey" Drew said, taking out his mask revealing Matt "I'm Matt Kennedy"

"What about the two kids and that owl?" Connie asked.

"Oh, those guys were real." Axel explained, "I just wanted to make cameos for the sake of making cameos."

"Wow...you guys really fool us" Zack said.

"Matthew, I guess you know what I feel for you" Connie said "I mean, you defended me from Axel when nobody else did it"

"Yeah, I confess you looked cute when you asked me for my help" Matthew said "And fighting Axel was fun"

"So...should we try it?" Connie asked.

"Yeah, of course" Matthew answered.

"I told you: everything ended just fine!" Axel said.

But then somebody appeared...a VERY angry Cody!

"You tried to kill my dad, you bastard!" Cody said.

"Whoa, hold on kid, everything was just..." but Cody didn't listen and attacked Axel.

"DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!" Cody shouted, slapping his face several time.

"GAH! SECURITY!" Axel cried.

Suddenly, a wolf from _Kung Fu Panda 2_ came in, wearing a security shirt, and he took Cody, the boy spouting curse words and flipping everyone off.

"DAMN! I HATE KIDS! THERE, I SAID IT!" Axel growled.

"That's my boy!" Zack praised.

"You mean OUR boy" Nicole replied.

Much later; in the Griffins' house. Connie, for strange that it sounds, was giving thanks to Meg.

"I just want to thank you, Meg" Connie said "Without you, I wouldn't express my feelings to Matthew. I guess you're not a loser at all. Hey, how about if we go to the mall next time?"

"Sorry, but I'm gonna say 'no'" Meg said.

"What?!" Connie asked "But I thought you wanna be a popular girl!"

"Yeah, but after seeing you humiliated like the pathetic bitch you are, you've lost ALL my respect" Meg said "So you can kiss my fat ass that Eddie loves"

"B-But y-you...you know what? Fine!" Connie said, holding Matthew's arm "I won't mess with you or your friends anymore. But now I'm dating your handsome childhood friend. So, I won after all! Come on, Matty!"

"See you next time, guys" Matthew said as they both leave.

"Well, I hope you treated Zack well, Nicole" Axel said, but he realized they weren't here "Guys?"

They looked outside and the 'Murdocks' were in the RV dressed like tourists.

"We're going to Disneyworld as a family, Florida!" Zack said.

"Like a real family!" Nicole said.

"See you later, suckers!" Cody said.

The RV drove off as Disney music is played, as Axel watched them with a small grin and Tinkerbell appeared to turn the screen black.

**End of the chapter**


	31. A School Terrorist

**Chapter 31: A School Terrorist**

Somewhere…in a secret hideout…

The evil organization from the 'Christmas with the Walkers' chapter was planning their next move. In a room, there was an Arabian man, with black curly hair, dressed in soldier regalia, with a bandana wrapped around his neck. The tv in the room was on, showing the silhouette figure of the boss.

_Okay, Beltraine, here is your mission: You must find Axel Everett in a school called 'James Woods High School. There he will be at his most vulnerable. Find him, detain him, and kill all witnesses._

"I shall not fail my mission, sir." Beltraine said.

_Good, so far, I had lost two men because of their incompetence. Brad, I did not care for…but Mr. Ghetsis was one of our many benefactors. Mark my word, Beltraine…you must not fail._

Speaking of James Woods High School; our heroes were having lunch. Then Meg and Amy appeared with some exciting news.

"Hey, everybody, guess what" Meg said.

"You're getting a liposuction?" Chris asked.

"No, but..." Meg answered.

"Well, even if you get one, you're still gonna be fat for the rest of your life" Chris said.

"Are you done?" Meg asked as Chris nodded "Anyway, me and Amy are planning to open a cupcake store!"

"Yeah, I don't care!" Axel cheered as Eddie slapped his arm, but Axel punched Eddie so hard it sent him to the wall.

"Did you say CUPCAKES?" Cleveland Jr. asked, drooling for just thinking about cupcakes.

"Yesterday we rented a local store..." Meg said.

**Flashback**

_But, it wasn't what we expected._

Meg and Amy were in an...abandoned run-down grocery store.

"Is this the right place?" Meg asked.

"Don't worry, Meg" Amy answered "WE can make it look like a real cupcake store!"

Suddenly Remy the Redneck from 'When They Meet Them' chapter came out from nowhere.

"Howdie, girls!" Remy greeted.

_Yeah, he's not important in this flashback._

**Flashback's end**

"You can call Jackie to help you in your store's design" Eddie said, suddenly recovering from the punch, "He also designed the modeling agency building where Mom works"

"Where do you work, Eddie?" Meg asked.

"I convinced Carl to work with me as a clerk" Chris answered.

"He likes me...maybe a little too much" Eddie said.

**Flashback**

"No way..." Carl said.

"I'm serious, Luke's black outfit in _the Return of the Jedi_ symbolizes him almost being lured to the Dark Side" Eddie explained "After he refused to kill his father, the Emperor attacked him, ripping his shirt open and revealing a white shirt underneath. It symbolizes his decision to be a good guy. It could be just a coincidence, but I know that George Lucas had everything planned"

"Wow...did you ever see _Boys Don't Cry_?" Carl asked.

"You mean the one where a young Hilary Swank played a transgender teenage boy?" Eddie asked "Yeah, It's funny that she won two Oscars playing two characters that die in the end of the films"

"Have you ever wanted a sex-change?" Carl asked.

"What?" Eddie asked.

"Nothing" Carl answered.

**Flashback's end**

"What about you, Axel?" Meg asked.

"Bitch, being a hunter is my career" Axel answered "In fact: I don't really need to go to college."

"Yeah, good luck on trying to live with 3% less of your earnings by year" Eddie mocked "I'm gonna be the next Spielberg"

"Okay 'Mr. Next Spielberg', what movies did you made lately?" Axel asked.

"Well, I made a crossover between my two favorite movies of all time: _Star Wars_ and _the Wizard of Oz_'" Eddie answered.

**Flashback**

Eddie (dressed up like Luke Skywalker) and Meg (dressed up like Dorothy) were in a set that looks like the inside of the Millennium Falcon. Luke was teaching Dorothy how to use a Lightsaber, blindfolding her eyes.

"But Luke, with this blindfold, I can't see anything" Dorothy (Meg) said.

"Ben Kenobi told me that the eyes can deceive you" Luke (Eddie) replied "Don't trust..." suddenly it was revealed that the set was made by green screen "...oh god, cut!"

***Jillian voice*** Sorry!

"Saying 'sorry' won't keep the green screen on!" Eddie said.

"Seriously, why did you hire Jillian as technical producer?" Meg asked.

"Neil was unavailable" Eddie answered "Let's do it again!"

We see Frank (dressed up as Darth Vader) and Helena (dressed up as the Wicked Witch of the West) making out.

"Oh, Wicked Witch, with you by my side, you and I can rule the galaxy" Frank said.

"Oh, may I bring a flying monkey to film us while we're doing it?" Helena asked.

**Flashback's end**

"All this talking about jobs is making me hungry" Chris said.

"Just wait a little bit, Jet and Bobby are coming" Eddie said.

"Coming? Coming with what?" Axel asked.

"IT'S PIZZA TIME!" Jet and Bobby cheered, each one carrying a pizza.

"It's Friday, so today it's Pizza Day" Eddie said "And Jet and Bobby are in charge in the kitchen today"

"You're gonna love my Marshmallows and Chocolate Chip Pizza!" Jet said.

"In your dreams, Jet, mine's better: Fried Chicken, Corn, Macaroni and Cheese Pizza!" Bobby said.

"Wow, this reminds me of the times where we make our own pizza back in New York" Eddie said.

"Come on, eat them up!" Jet said.

Everybody ate them and surprisingly enjoyed them, except Meg, who's feeling sick.

"THAT is considered FOOD?!" Meg asked "Seriously, who puts candies on Italian food?"

"Do you have more marshmallows and chocolate chips?!" Amy asked, bouncing around in enjoyment of Jet's pizza.

"And Bobby's pizza seems racist" Meg said.

"Why? Because it has what black people eat?" Bobby asked, until he got the point "Oh..."

"This is awkward..." Axel commented.

Suddenly, a blonde girl walked in and approached the group. She has long hair that reached her shoulders; she wears a black hairband, a white shirt under a black vest, a blue denim skirt (which it carries a bunny foot), white stockings and black flaps.

"Excuse me, is there anybody called 'Eddie Walker' here?" the blonde girl asked.

"Oh, that's me!" Eddie answered.

"Hello, my name is Caroline Black" Caroline greeted "I'm a transferred student from Germany..."

"You mean the Nazis' homeland?" Axel asked as he laughed.

"Not all Germans are Nazis" Eddie said, annoyed "Please, excuse him..."

"No problem" Caroline said "Anyway, I'm putting together a club I'd like to call 'The Future Cinematic Directors Club', where anybody who wants to become a film director gets in." She paused, "Well, not just anybody. Not everyone can become the next Kubrick."

"Wow, for real?" Eddie asked, sounding excited "In that case: sign me up!"

"Perfect, you can stay after school for our first meeting" Caroline said.

"Or you can spend the rest of the day with me" Axel said.

"And you are...?" Caroline asked.

"Axel Everett, Hunter, Playboy, Kick-ass" Axel answered. He turned to the screen, "Yeah, that's my thing."

"Sorry, but I'll be really busy this afternoon" Caroline said

"Can my friends come?" Eddie asked.

"I don't know, it's only for whose are interested in true cinematic art..." Caroline answered.

"Oh, sorry Axel, no Transformers fans allowed" Eddie said with a cocky tone.

"But I can make an exception for today, since it's only me" Caroline said.

"Damn it!" Eddie cursed.

"In your face!" Axel said "Point for us, you guys!"

Background we see Optimus Prime.

"**THANK GOD SHIA LABEOUF WON'T APPEAR IN MY FOURTH MOVIE" **Optimus Prime said** "I WAS GETTING SICK OF THAT BOY**"

"Actually, Shia LaBeouf is not bad." Axel defended, "He was great in Holes."

Meanwhile; in the modeling agency building, Helena was in at a photo session wearing a sexy pink bikini set. Frank was the one who's taking pictures.

"Wow, thank you for giving me this job, Helena" Frank thanked "You really look hot"

"You're welcome" Helena replied "My former photographer had a small...breakdown"

**Flashback**

Adam (in drunk state) was spitting on his parents' grave.

"I HATE YOU MOM AND DAD!" Adam screamed.

**(A/E: And unfortunately, this is his last appearance of the fanfic...)**

**Flashback's end**

Suddenly, Helena's piercing on her bellybutton started beeping.

"Helena, why is your piercing beeping?" Frank asked.

"***nervous*** Ah...it's my...period signal" Helena answered "It tells me when I'm starting to have my period"

"***confused*** Okay..." Frank said.

"I'm gonna change and wear a..." Helena said.

"LALALALALA, I'm a man, I'm not into women stuff!" Frank said, covering his ears.

Helena went to a changing room, away from Frank. She took off the piercing and displayed a hologram screen with her chief 'D' on screen.

"Hello, Agent 777" 'D' greeted "Do you like your new communicator?"

"It's the lamest bloody thing I've ever had" Helena answered "I had to pretend I'm having my period in front of my husband! Well...technically we're not remarried yet..."

"Listen: there's an Arabian terrorist called Samir 'Beltraine' Crookshanks, Age: 30, former Bin Laden's mercenary, possible related to him and Saddam Hussein ***laughing*** I wonder if these two were gay lovers" 'D' explained as he cleared his throat "Your mission: track him, catch him and interrogate him"

"Understand" Helena replied as she noticed something background: it was Earl (his upper body is still separated of his bottom body) from the Alien Invasion, two-parter chapter "Wait, is that the android actor?"

"Earl?" 'D' asked "Oh yeah, our scientists are fixing him up for his next 'acting' mission"

"***static voice*** Ho-holy prickles!" Earl exclaimed, taking his head off "I can play soccer with my head...!" he whistled at his legs and threw his head as his legs started playing soccer with it "Look: I'm David Beckham...!"

"Good luck, Agent" 'D' told as the screen turned off.

Are you done, honey?

"Almost!" Helena answered, untying her bikini top.

"What do you want me to do with the photos?" Frank asked.

Go to the magazine sections, but ask them for a extra copy of each picture. I'm gonna give the copies to Peter"

"Why Peter?" Frank asked as Helena came out, wearing her normal outfit.

"***sighed*** He tells me my pictures help his marriage" Helena said.

**Flashback**

Peter was in the bathroom on his underwear. He took out the pictures of Helena and saw every single one of them, getting an erection at the time.

"All right, that will be enough" Peter said "Lois, I have a surprise for you!"

**Flashback's end**

Meanwhile; in the 'Future Cinematic Directors Club' after school, all our friends were all in their respective seat, forming a circle around the table.

"All right, let's start with two questions: what's your name and what's your favorite movie of all time" Caroline said.

"I'm Meg Griffin and my favorite movie is...***dreaming*** _Titanic_" Meg said "I just can't stop loving the romance between Jack and Rose..."

"***bored*** Overrated, complete cliché, the only cool thing was the ship sinking" Axel said "That's where the action come from."

"Axel, if you hate being here, get out ." Eddie said.

"No, no, we're all here to share opinions" Caroline said "And I think I agree with Axel"

"WHAT?!" Eddie asked "Okay, I admit Billy Zane did play such a cartoonish villain"

"Moving on, since you shared your opinion first, what's your favorite movie?" Caroline asked.

"Hmm...hard question, I have so many: _Ghostbusters, Babe, The Prince of Egypt, Legend of the Guardians, Rio, Kung Fu Panda 2_..." Axel said "...but don't worry, Eddie said they're crap"

***everybody gasped***

"Hey, I didn't say that!" Eddie said.

"Shame on you!" Chris shouted, punching him in the face.

"Yeah, shame on you!" Junior shouted, punching him too.

"Cool, this club turned badass!" Axel said, punching Meg in the face too.

"All right! All right!" Eddie said standing up to stop getting punched again "I was wrong, Axel, not everything you watched is crap! I'm sorry!"

"Apology accepted" Axel said, relaxed.

"Now, my favorite movie is...any Stanley Kubrick film" Caroline said, pointing at a poster of Kubrick "He's the one who PERFECTED the cinematic art. All of his movies are masterpiece: _The Shining, Full Metal Jacket,_ heck, even _Wide Eyes Shut_. But my favorite of all time: _2001: A Space Odyssey_"

"You mean the incredibly slow and incredibly bo-" Chris said as Caroline glared at him with deathly eyes.

"Don't you EVER insult a Kubrick masterpiece!" Caroline warned as everybody stared at her in shock "Sorry, I'm a 'religious' Kubrick fan"

"I kinda agree with Chris" Eddie said "He always made painfully slow scenes with subtle symbolisms that critics love to analyze. But, he never captured the audience's hearts. That's what I admire of Spielberg, his movies captured the audience's hearts"

"Oh, look: time's up" Caroline said looking at her watch "See you tomorrow!"

Everybody left the classroom, but then Caroline stopped Eddie.

"What's wrong, Caroline?" Eddie asked.

"I just want to thank you, Eddie" Caroline answered "Nobody respects the cinema art anymore"

"Tell me about it" Eddie said "Immature violent idiots like Michael Bay and pretentious jerks like M. Night Shyamalan ruin everything with their movies."

"People are treating it as a business to make money, instead of a perfect story waiting to be told" Caroline said "But there's still hope, we can revolutionize the cinematic art and make Stanley Kubrick..."

"And Steven Spielberg" Eddie added.

"...proud" Caroline finished.

"It's funny: I've just met you today, but I feel like I've met you a long time ago" Eddie said.

"That's a good observation" Caroline said.

But behind the door, Meg was hearing the conversation.

"My hunter senses are sensing a jealous predator" Axel said.

"Axel!" Meg exclaimed, surprised "What do you mean 'jealous'? I'm not jealous of Caroline, just because she looks better than me, she has a better personality than me and she knows better about movies than...well, ME!"

"Thank you...for summing that up" Axel replied "Look: you don't have to worry about Eddie. He's not that stupid as to cheat on you"

"Maybe you're right...maybe I should trust Eddie" Meg said until she got an idea "OR how about this? You sleep with her!"

"What?" Axel asked.

"If you do that, she will leave my boyfriend alone!" Meg said.

"Oh, hell no!" Axel refused "As much I love sex, I don't get involved in love triangles...except if I'm the one in the middle of the love triangle, then that usually ends in a three-way"

"Oh, come on!" Meg complained "Hours ago you were putting the moves on her!"

"Okay. You got me" Axel said, " I'll sleep with her"

"Oh, thank you so much!" Meg thanked hugging him "I will owe you big time! I can't wait to tell my dolls from my room!" She paused "I wonder if they're with Andy's toys again in another adventure"

**Flashback**

Meg's toys (which it's a pink CareBear, a Raggedy Ann doll and Patrick the Starfish) were with Andy's toys...in the dumpster incinerator. But then the giant CLAW appeared and grabbed Andy's toys.

"Come on, you guys!" Woody told at Meg's toys.

"Yeah...we prefer to die rather than go back with that ugly and fat pink bitch" pink CareBear said.

"Hey, I feel offended with that!" Patrick said.

**Flashback's end**

Next day at school; Caroline and Eddie were walking together in the hallways.

"So, your grandfather and father were in the army?" Caroline asked.

"Yeah, they both fought for their country" Eddie answered.

"It's funny, because...my parents were in the army too" Caroline said, taking out a photograph of her when she was a child with her parents.

"Is that you?" Eddie asked.

"Yes...it was the last time I saw them unfortunately" Caroline answered.

**Flashback**

Caroline's parents were about to leave with her grandmother.

"When you'll be back?" little Caroline asked.

"We don't know, sweetie, it could be months, it could be years" Caroline's mother said.

"But you know how to use the radio to contact us every week" Caroline's father "Please, take care of your grandma"

"I won't see you again?" little Caroline asked, brimming with tears.

"Don't cry, honey" Caroline's father said, hugging her "Just remember: always be a strong girl"

"We promise we'll be back as soon as we can" Caroline's mother.

They both left the house.

_That was the last time I saw them. I kept in touch with them for the first 5 years, but one day..._

A 13 years old Caroline was communicating with her parents.

"Mom, Dad, can you hear me?" teen Caroline asked.

***buzz*** _Sweetie! It's not a good time right now!_

"What? What is it?" teen Caroline asked.

_Caroline_...***buzz***..._we're don't time much time...!_

"What's going on?" teen Caroline asked.

_Honey...we love..._

***buzz***

"Mom?!" teen Caroline asked, desperate "DAD?!"

She dropped the communicator in shock.

**Flashback's end**

"It's been another 5 years and I don't know what happened to them" Caroline explained with some tears "My grandma has gotten sick and I had to take care of her"

"Oh my god..." Eddie said, with a sad tone "I'm really sorry, Caroline"

"It's okay" Caroline said, wiping her tears off "I promised my dad to be a strong girl. I'm not losing the hope that I will see them again" she shows her bunny foot "I always carry a bunny foot to give me good luck"

"I really admire you" Eddie said...until he smelled something funny "Something smells like a massage session"

"Where?" Caroline asked.

"I think it's coming from the classroom where we have the club" Eddie answered pointing at the classroom.

They got in and found...Axel (wearing a black bathrobe) in a bed, surrounded by candles.

"Welcome, Ms. Black, to the Master Axel's Realm" Axel said, with a seductive tone.

"AXEL?!" Eddie asked, outraged "What the hell are you doing here?!"

"Get lost, Walker, it's just her and me" Axel said.

"You know I can sue you for sexual harassment" Caroline said.

"Bitch, I'm above the law, anything you'd say could be used against you." Axel boasted.

"***sarcastically*** You really have good friends, Eddie..." Caroline said, leaving.

"Axel, what the hell?!" Eddie asked.

"Hey, your girlfriend told me it was a good idea" Axel said "Oops, did I say that out loud?"

"Meg did WHAT?!" Eddie asked, shocked.

Meg was taking her books out of her locker until she closed it and a very upset Eddie was crossing his arms.

"You hired Axel to sleep with Caroline?!" Eddie asked.

"***nervous*** ah...I don't know what you're talking about" Meg lied.

"Don't deny it!" Eddie warned "I expect this from Axel, but from YOU?!"

"Well, I can't help it!" Meg said "I'm like Dad when Mom sees another man"

**Flashback**

Peter and Lois were walking together until they saw Brad Pitt.

"Oh my god, it's Brad Pitt!" Lois said "I want his autograph!"

"Okay" Peter said approaching him "Hey, Brad!"

***POW***

"Stay away from my wife!" Peter told "Also: you sucked in Troy"

"Peter, I asked for his autograph!" Lois scolded.

"But I gave him mine: my fist" Peter said with a badass tone, showing his fist.

_This flashback has brought you by:_

_**FISTS!**_

_**They-Are-Better-Than-A-Pen!**_

**Flashback's end**

"I don't do the same thing when you're with another guy!" Eddie said.

"Because everybody throws up or commit suicide whenever I am around them" Meg said.

"Yeah, I don't know what their problem are" Eddie agreed "But the point is: you should control your jealousy"

"Okay, I'm sorry" Meg said.

"You're acting like this is the end of the world" Eddie said.

***BOOM***

There was an explosion near of the hallways.

"It's the end of the world!" a random student screamed.

Meg and Eddie went to find the explosion: it was in the lab classroom. Fortunately, nobody was here.

"What the hell happened?" Eddie asked.

"Did Chris fart on a bunsen burner again?" Meg asked.

"Hey!" Chris said.

"Guys!" Neil called "There's something on the A.V. room!"

Everybody went to the A.V. room, where there's a TV broadcasting a viral video. The Arabian man from the first scene of the chapter: Beltraine is shown.

_Hello, young students. I know what you're thinking: 'this man is gonna kill us all'. I can assure you there's nothing to worry about as long you accomplish my demands. We know there's a student called: Axel K. Everett, am I right?_

"Damn right, you are!" Axel said with a daring tone, speaking to the TV "You wanna see me? Come here, so I can bury you along with Bin Laden and Christopher Pelant!"

"Who?" Eddie asked.

"It's complicated." Axel shrugged.

"You know, he can't hear you, Ax" Eddie said.

Actually, we're outside waiting for you.

They looked at outside and saw Beltraine with 50 soldiers that look like Red Skull's HYDRA soldiers if they were in _HALO_. Only Axel and his friends came out to meet him.

"Some people call me a 'terrorist, I'd prefer to be called a 'teacher'" Beltraine said.

"And what you're gonna teach us? Wearing drapes over our heads?" Axel asked, mocking at him.

"***laughing*** that's a good one!" Chris praised.

"No, but I want to teach you something" Beltraine said "Lesson one: do you see my men? Beat them all"

"Just 50?" Axel asked, disappointed "Give me a break..."

"Maybe later, now show me your skills" Beltraine said.

"Okay, this is the perfect time to show my newest technique: Hell Rain" Axel said "But I need some help. Can I ask for one of my friends for assistance?"

"Anything is allowed as long you beat my men" Beltraine answered.

"Okay" Axel said looking at his friends to choose one "I choose...Amy"

"WOO-HOO!" Amy cheered.

"A young girl?" Beltraine asked, skeptical.

"Not just a young girl" Axel answered "Amy, I going to take a high jump, can you push me up into the air?"

"Okay!" Amy agreed.

"3...2...1...NOW!" Axel said, taking a step on Amy's hands and she used her incredible strength to push Axel up in the air.

Beltraine's soldier started shooting as the students ducked to prevent getting shot. But Axel jumped so high that the bullets didn't hit him. He took out an assortment of pistols and shot at them while he was in the air, spiraling around, as his bullets came down on them like a hailstorm. When he landed, all the soldiers were already shot.

"My...god" Meg said.

"Way to go, Ax!" Junior praised.

"And that's why I called it: Hell Rain" Axel said, spitting on the ground like a bad-ass. Beltraine clapped.

"Excellent, Mr. Everett" Beltraine praised "You're exactly what Victor Creed wants"

"Victor who?" Axel asked.

"Our boss, he wants you in our team" Beltraine answered.

"Well, tell him I love my country like any good American" Axel said.

"No, no, no, we don't wanna destroy our country" Beltraine said "I like America: they have the best movies and the best food. Have you ever taste a Phillip Cheese Steak Burger? They're delicious!"

"Yeah, grilled onions and melted cheese, they're the best" Junior said.

"Is it me or this is the most sympathetic terrorist we ever met?" Eddie asked.

"As long he doesn't kill us, it's fine" Meg answered.

"The point is: if you join us, you can have everything you want" Beltraine said.

"What's your club's name?" Axel asked.

"THE SUPREMACY PHOENIX!" Beltraine answered showing his tattoo of the organization on his right arm.

"***gasp*** YOU!" Axel exclaimed, pointing at him with Ragnarok "What did you do to my parents?!"

"Not again" Eddie said.

"Oh..." Beltraine deadpanned, "Right…your parents. I for one did nothing to your parents. I will have to be the common troll and say…your parent's killer is somewhere else."

"Tell me where Victor Creed is, so I can exact my vengeance!" Axel said.

"Look!" Beltraine said showing a button "I asked one of my soldiers to hide explosives last night. If you don't do what I tell you, your school is gone"

"Oh my god!" Meg screamed.

"Okay, forget about me saying he's sympathetic" Eddie said.

"Damn you!" Axel cursed.

"Here's your second lesson: you have 30 minutes to find them all and deactivate them" Beltraine said.

"Okay, but I won't join you anyway..." Axel said "Everybody, start looking for explosives!"

"Great, this is worse than...wait, I can't think of anything worse" Eddie said.

"How about worse than not having a condom when having sex with a supermodel?" Axel suggested, but there was no flashback, "Oh, guess not."

Our heroes started looking for all the explosives; each one in a different place:

Dylan found one in the teachers' lounge.

Amy found another in the cheerleaders' boxes where they put their pompons.

Chris and Junior found two in the kitchen...and some snacks to eat.

Jet and Bobby found three in the library...and they both fell down, making the bookkeeper upset.

Meg found four in the girls' locker...and a pretty orange blouse. She wanted to try it on...until Axel slapped it out.

"You'll still look fat" Axel said.

"Axel, these are the girls' lockers!" Meg said.

"Where I found 12 explosives" Axel said, carrying a bag of them "More than you, pinkie hat"

They were all outside giving the explosives to Beltraine.

"Wow, just 15 minutes" Beltraine said, quite impressed "You have very talented friends"

"Thanks, now get the hell out of here and never come back" Axel ordered.

"I'm sorry, but there's one explosive missing" Beltraine said.

"Oh yeah, Eddie was looking for it" Meg said.

Eddie was looking for the last explosive and the last place he look for was...the movie club classroom. He also found Caroline...with the last explosive on her hands.

"Are you looking for this?" Caroline asked, holding the explosive.

"Oh, great, you found...wait a minute, how do you know about the explosives?" Eddie asked "You weren't even with us, when the terrorist threatened us"

"Well...maybe because I knew about his plan all the time..." Caroline said.

"What?" Eddie asked.

"Maybe, because...I worked for him the whole time..." Caroline said with an evil smile.

"Oh ***laughing***, that's a really good joke" Eddie said "Why would you do...?"

Suddenly she quickly closed the door and approached Eddie very closely.

"You really forgot, right?" Caroline asked with a dark tone "Everything about elementary school, right?"

"W-What are you talking about?" Eddie asked, getting nervous.

"I know everything about your past, Walker" Caroline said "About you, bullying poor little girls, especially your little girlfriend...Meg"

"How did you...?"

"Because I was one of them" Caroline answered "I was one of your victims!"

"That's impossible, I don't remember you" Eddie replied.

"Really?" Caroline asked, taking out a black marker and painted her left eye "Now, you remember me?!"

Eddie looked at her closely...

"Oh my god..." Eddie said.

**Flashback**

A little Caroline was tied up to a tree, she had a black left eye. Kid Eddie and his bully friends (NOT Jet and Bobby) had Caroline's plush bunny.

"What's the matter, little princess?" little Eddie mocked "You want your cutie Bugs Bunny?"

"Leave Ms. Cottontail alone!" little Caroline begged, as Eddie and the bullies laughed.

"Scissors" little Eddie ordered as one of his friends gave him the scissors "*imitating Bugs Bunny* Oh no, please don't cut off my leg, Elmer Fudd!"

Little Eddie started cutting off the bunny's foot in front of the poor Caroline.

"NO!" little Caroline screamed.

"Here you go, for your good luck" little Eddie said throwing her the bunny's foot as he and friends left, manically laughing.

**Flashback's end**

"I remember you...the bunny leg...the black eye" Eddie said.

"My life was already difficult, you know that?" Caroline asked, getting sentimental "But then you had to come and made it impossible, right?"

"Caroline, I don't know what to say, except..." Eddie said.

"Sorry?" Caroline asked, quickly changing her mood "I think you don't quite understand, Walker. You have any idea how many of your victims committed suicide?"

"WHAT?!" Eddie asked, horrified.

"***laughing*** I can't believe you fell for it!" Caroline said, making fun of him, "I always knew former bullies become more pathetic in time"

"That wasn't funny, Caroline!" Eddie scolded.

"Well, excuse me for having a dark sense of humor" Caroline said "Do you know what the pregnant woman did during an operation?"

"What?"

"She ABORTED the mission!" Caroline answered, laughing like a hyena.

"You're crazy..." Eddie said, clearly scared.

"No, I've become a strong girl just as my father wanted" Caroline said "You for the other hand, I read your private file, by the way: you like wearing girl's clothing, your friends are freaks, you like such a stupid girly cartoon, your girlfriend is ugly and worst of all: you admire Spielberg"

"But, he's a great..." Eddie said.

"HE'S A SENTIMENTAL FOOL WHO ONLY INFANTILIZES PEOPLE!" Caroline shouted "Like I said before: Kubrick was the master of cinematic art. One day, I'm gonna be like him"

"Not if you help a terrorist to destroy the school" Eddie said "Which gonna blow in 3 minutes"

"I don't think so..." Caroline said giving him the explosive and then she tied herself in a bed "I'll pretend be a victim and don't even think of telling everyone about me. My file is clean and nobody is gonna believe you with such a 'tainted' file"

"Caroline, I'm truly sorry for what I did to you" Eddie said.

"If you're sorry, you'll let me do whatever I want" Caroline said "Because I deserve it"

Then his friends and Beltraine finally appeared.

"Eddie!" Meg exclaimed, hugging him.

"Cool, you found the last explosive" Jet said.

"Totally radical, dude!" Bobby praised.

"Help me, this guy was taking me as hostage!" Caroline said, acting like a defenseless girl.

"Don't worry, Caroline" Axel said, pointing at Beltraine with Ragnarok "I'll send this guy to Hell"

"Well, if that is so, care if I bring some guests along?" Beltraine said, taking out his shirt...revealing a suicide vest.

***Everybody gasped***

"Oh, come on!" Axel complained, "What can't you terrorists learn to die with dignity?!"

"I'd rather die than go to prison." Beltraine said.

Suddenly a metal boomerang coming out nowhere strike Beltraine, knocking him out. Everybody looked to see who it is: it was a mysterious hooded person with a purple jumpsuit and a white mask.

"Who are you?" Eddie asked.

The mysterious person didn't answer and approached the unconscious Beltraine. He/she deactivated Beltraine's suicide vest, which deactivated the explosives as well.

"That person deactivated the bombs!" Axel said.

"We're SAVED!" Meg cheered.

"YOO-HOO!" Amy cheered.

"Well, thank you, mysterious per-" Eddie said, but he realized he/she was gone "That was really strange"

"Who cares, let's tell everybody the good news!" Meg said.

"Yeah, I can't wait for school newspaper: 'Chris Griffin: the guy who stopped the terrorist'!" Chris said.

"You're an idiot..." Meg replied.

Everybody left, except Eddie and Caroline, who's now untied.

"And remember, Walker: our conversation will be our little secret" Caroline whispered.

Caroline kept walking as Eddie just nodded his head down with a sad face.

Meanwhile, in the secret base; we learned the mysterious person works here.

"Excellent job, Agent" 'D' praised, as the other agents took Beltraine to the cell.

The mysterious person took off the mask, revealing Helena.

"I should thank Lori for this costume" Helena said "Simple and subtle"

"I also saw your children and their friends helped you" 'D' said.

"Yes, looks like Axel gave them strength to even face off against such a criminal" Helena replied.

"Maybe he should join us to stop criminals around the world" 'D' said.

"Trust me, he already had a team" Helena said.

"Holy prickles, I feel kinda dizzy" Earl said as his legs continued playing soccer with his head.

***Helena and 'D' laughing***

**End of the Chapter**


	32. Amazon Resort

**Chapter 32: Amazon Resort**

Meg and Amy (wearing white T-shirts and overalls) were renovating their cupcake store that they bought not so long ago, so to get it into tip-top shape for opening day. They were sweating like hell (A/E: not in THAT way, you pervs!)

"Phew, this is really hard work" Meg said "Am I right, Amy?"

"But the whole store is gonna look SUPER DOOPER LOOPER!" Amy cheered.

"I would had asked Jesus since he's a great carpenter" Meg said "But he was too busy"

**Flashback**

Meg was talking with Jesus by phone.

"What do you mean you can't help us?" Meg asked "Are you in the Vatican blessing children? Oh, that's nice" then she heard something that disturbs her "Wait, the priests are doing WHAT to the children?" she heard more, making her upset "I don't care it's 'part of a priest's life', it's horrible!" she heard something more "FINE! I HOPE CHRIS HANSEN RISES UP _TO CATCH A PREDATOR_ AND HUNTS YOUR PRIESTS' PEDOPHILISH ASSES!"

She violently hung up the phone. But it just so happened that Meg wasn't talking with Jesus...but with Stewie, who was playing a prank on her.

"Meg is such a dumb bitch" Stewie said until Jesus appeared behind of him.

"There's a place called 'Hell', you know that?" Jesus asked, crossing his arms in disapproval.

"Meh, I can live with that" Stewie said, careless "At least my dad doesn't sit back like a lazy jackass"

**Flashback's end**

"You know: these last few weeks have been rough" Meg said "School, homework, tests..."

"And all the parties I planned" Amy said "My brother's birthday, my parents' reception party, even Neil's Bar Mitzvah"

**Flashback**

Neil's Bar Mitzvah was _Star Trek _style where everybody was hitting two piñatas: Rameses and Hitler.

**Flashback's end**

"You know what we should do?" Meg asked.

"What?" Amy asked.

"Go on Spring Break!" Meg answered, taking out a pamphlet about a new resort "Amazon Resort! An only-women resort with 11 pools, 6 bar/restaurants, 3 gyms and over 100 rooms!"

"Sounds cool!" Amy said.

"It's the perfect time to spend at least a few days away from the cavemen of my family" Meg said

**Flashback**

The Griffins were all dressed like cavemen (and for cavemen I mean like _the Flintstones_: Peter was Fred, Chris was Barney and Stewie was Bam-Bam). They were doing what they called 'the Cub Club'.

"WE HAVE FIRE! WE CAN ROAR! WE ARE STRONGER THAN A DINOSAUR!" everybody chanted "GO CUB CLUB!

They started dancing like cavemen in a circle.

_Everybody:  
>Ooga chaka<br>Ooga chaka  
>Ooga, ooga, ooga chaka<br>Ooga chaka_

Lois (dressed as Wilma) and Meg (dressed as Betty) were serving the appetizers.

"This is humiliating" Lois said.

"Agreed" Meg replied.

"At least you guys aren't wearing a stupid dinosaur costume" Brian said dressed as Dino.

**Flashback's end**

All the female characters (well, most of them) were waiting for the bus in their summer attire: Meg was wearing a pink strapless dress, no hat and white sandals, Lois: a magenta top, black shorts and red heels, Jillian: a sky-blue dress and yellow sandals, Bonnie: a white dress with black polkadots and grey flaps, Helena: a sun hat, blue casual dress and white heels, Amy: a Lady Gaga-like sunglasses, a sky-blue dress with yellow flowers and pink sandals, Jaina: a black top, denim jeans with a white thong showing off and black heels, Tracy a yellow top, white shorts and beige sandals, Donna: a purple top, black shorts and black flaps, Roberta: a green casual dress and white heels and Katie: her usual attire, but she changed her jeans to shorts.

"This is gonna be awesome!" Meg cheered.

"I have to admit it, Meg: this is a good idea" Lois said.

"Thank god, Joe has a few days off to take care of Susie" Bonnie said.

"It's fun time!" Donna said.

"I'm going to go show off my skin" Roberta said, posing.

"It will be wonderful" Helena said.

"You said it" Tracy replied.

"ABSOLUTELY!" Amy cheered.

"How much longer do you guys think the bus will take?" Eddie asked, appearing out of nowhere.

"EDDIE?!" everybody exclaimed, in shock.

"Listen: I know you're my boyfriend and you find me hot, but..." Meg said.

"We're going to an only-women resort" Helena said.

"I thought it might be fun to see how women have fun, that's all" Eddie said as everybody gave him a stare of 'I don't buy it' "* **sigh*** Okay, you got me. The thing is..."

**Flashback**

Eddie invited all the guys to his basement.

"Why did you ask us to come here, Walker?" Matthew asked.

"I wanna prove Axel that I'm not a bore" Eddie said "So, here's my plan to show him the opposite"

"I'm listening" Axel said.

"I heard our girlfriends, sisters, and mothers will spend Spring Break on an only-women resort..." Eddie explained.

"Hmm...I like it" Axel replied.

"Well, here's the best part: we all dress up like girls to come with them!" Eddie said "Then ALL the sexy ladies will be ours! Who's with me?!"

But when he turned around; everybody, except Matt, left the room.

"Ah...they leave as soon you said 'dress up like girls'" Matt said.

"Goddamn it!" Eddie cursed "I guess it's just you and me"

"Actually, I'm gonna say 'no' too" Matt said "But if you still wanna do it alone..." Matt threw him a silver bracelet with hearts on it.

"What's this?" Eddie asked.

"Just say 'Female Charm, Power-Up' and you'll see" Matt answered as he leaves.

**Flashback's end**

"You wanted to go with us to prove yourself you're a MAN?!" Lois asked, outraged "This is more ridiculous than Peter saying his imaginary friend became real"

**Flashback**

"Hey, Lois!" Peter said "I've just meet an old childhood friend!"

"Wow, Peter, who is it?" Lois asked.

"His name is Raymond, he's an ostrich with a dragon head and spider legs" Peter explained "He has an Australian accent and he likes watching canceled FOX TV shows, without knowing they're canceled"

"Oh, Peter" Lois said, annoyed as she left.

But as soon as she left; Raymond was next to him, looking exactly what Peter described.

"Hey, Peter, you want watch _Terranova_?" Raymond asked.

"You know there's never gonna be a second season, right?" Peter asked.

"You said the same with _Sons of Tucson_" Raymond answered.

**Flashback's end**

"Edward, I can't believe you were going to do something that brutish" Helena scolded, crossing her arms.

"Yeah, you're right..." Eddie replied, ashamed "I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I should let you guys go"

"Wait, don't be so harsh on him" Amy said "I mean, what if we give him a chance to feel the 'female experience'"

"That's a good idea!" Jillian said "I had one with my roommate when I was in college..."

"Jillian, she's not meaning 'that kind' of experience" Tracy said.

"Yeah, let's bring Emma back!" Amy said.

"Really?" Eddie asked "Even after you found out about my original plan?"

"You can see it as your punishment if you wish it" Helena answered.

"But first: we need to find a public restroom, so he can change his clothes" Amy said "MAKEOVER!"

"Oh no, not another chapter where my boyfriend looks more feminine than me" Meg complaned.

"I guess this bracelet Matt gave me has something I need" Eddie said as he raised his arm "FEMALE CHARM, POWER-UP!"

Suddenly a light came out of the bracelet and Eddie's transformation began.

**Transformation Sequence**

As a parody of those magical girls cartoons (like _Sailor Moon_ and _Winx Club_): Eddie's clothes were torn apart leaving him completely naked. Then a bra and panties magically appeared on him, following a golden necklace around his neck, a pretty sky-blue dress with a white lash around his waist, white stockings and blue flaps. Then his hair turned blonde and resembling to Rosalina from _Super Mario Galaxy_. And finally some make-up on his face to look like a real girl. Emma was reborn.

**Transformation Sequence's End**

"Oh my god..." Emma said as her voice also changed "My voice changed too!"

"I'm glad to see my sister back!" Amy cheered, hugging her.

"Wait, does that mean he actually turned into a girl?" Lois asked.

Then Emma 'touched herself' a little to confirm.

"No, it's still there" Emma answered "I guess only my clothes were replaced"

"And where did you boy's clothes go?" Helena asked.

"I guess in our apartment" Emma answered.

**Flashback**

But actually Eddie's clothes ended in a zoo and now the monkeys were playing around with them.

**Flashback's end**

"Hey, where's dat' blonde Yankee girl?" Katie asked.

Connie finally shows up: she's wearing a white scarf, sunglasses, purple top, red skirt and white heels.

"Hello, losers" Connie greeted "Just wait a second, my servant is carrying my bags"

"CONNIE?!" Meg asked, outraged "What the hell are you doing here?! Nobody invited you!"

"Hey, you're not the boss" Connie said "Nobody tells me what to do"

The servant happens to be Neil, dragging with a rope a huge pile of Connie's stuff.

"Here you go, Connie" Neil said, sweating as hell "Can you give me my $10?"

"Oh, I'm afraid I forgot my wallet in...THAT building" Connie said pointing at the Quahog's tallest building "If you bring it to me, I'll give you $50"

"Okay, easy enough" Neil said.

"Without using the elevator" Connie said "Use the stairs"

"Why didn't I choose to work for Axel? His hunting business is barbaric, but at least he gives me the respect I deserved…" Neil complained, but he still went to the building.

"He doesn't know three jocks are waiting for him" Connie whispered, letting out a giggle "What Jews do for money"

"I thought you've become nice two chapters ago" Meg said.

"Really?" Connie asked "As if baking bad cupcakes, posing for fish paintings, doing farm chores and being threatened by a psycho hunter have anything to do with being nice"

"I'll be honest: I just did it for revenge." Meg confessed.

"Wow, what a shock" Lois said, rolling her eyes, unimpressed.

The bus finally arrived; it was pink with the words 'Amazon Resort' written on it. All the girls aboard the bus.

"All right, let's go everybody!" Lois said.

"Oh yeah, GIRL POWER!" Emma said, sounding excited.

"Not every girl has a catchphrase" Meg said.

"Come on, Amy has dozens" Emma replied "Although most of them are so random"

"No problemo, friend-o!" Amy exclaimed "I'll be right back and left front! Only you can prevent getting punched by Nicholas Cage in a bear costume **(A/E: _the Wicker Man_ reference)**!"

"***shrugging*** I hate that movie, why is everybody saying it's 'So bad, it's good'" Emma asked.

"Because of the bees" Meg answered.

**Cutaway**

The infamous bee torture scene is shown.

"NOT THE BEES! NOT THE BEES! AAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Cage screamed as the bees attacked his face until he suddenly stopped screaming "Seriously, who's gonna enjoy that? These bees aren't even real. At least I'll look cool as a flaming skeleton on a badass motorcycle in my next movie"

**Cutaway's end**

After they took the bus; they were sent to the port where they took a boat that will bring them to the resort. Meg was reading the pamphlet next to Emma.

"You've been reading that card about 12 times" Emma said.

"I know, but just LOOK: they have a 24-hour SPA!" Meg said "You really need a pedicure after playing too much soccer. Even though you haven't played in a while"

"Well, looks like we're almost there" Emma said looking at a sign with hoola lady holding a bouquet of flowers and the words saying: 'Amazon Resort: the Most Beautiful Place on Earth'"

"Oh my god, I can't wait!" Meg exclaimed.

When Meg wasn't looking, Emma continued watching the sign and she noticed that the sign turned around showing off...a savage and angry hoola lady holding a guy's decapitated head and the words saying '...Unless You Are a MAN!'.

"***nervous*** ah...girls" Emma said, clearly horrified.

"Look, here we are!" Lois said.

They finally arrived at the island (with a volcano) where the resort takes place. When the women got off the boat, they were welcomed by a female employer with a creepy gentle smile.

"Hello and welcome to Amazon Resort" the female employer greeted with a shy, yet monotone voice "My name is Judith and I'll be your host during your stay"

"Hi, we're 12 people" Lois said "I'm Lois"

"Meg" Meg greeted.

"Bonnie" Bonnie greeted.

"Four!" Jillian said "One plus one is four! I know math!"

"No, Jillian, she was asking your name" Meg corrected "And it's actually two"

"Aww..." Jillian sighed, disappointed.

"Helena" Helena greeted.

"Amy!" Amy cheered.

"Tracy" Tracy greeted.

"Donna" Donna greeted.

"Roberta" Roberta greeted.

"Katie" Katie greeted.

"Umm...Emma" Emma greeted, trying to sound convincing.

"Good, looks like everything is according to the rules" Judith said, still smiling and offering a plate of pink petals "Want some?"

"Flower petals?" Lois asked, taking one.

"They're candies, courtesy of the house" Judith answered as everybody took one "Follow me"

"***mentally*** _This woman looks scary_" Emma thought "***mentally*** _This place looks like it doesn't like men at all. It's okay, I'll be fine as long I don't get an...hold on_" she looked down "***mentally*** _Oh no, this is gonna be harder than I thought_"

The first thing they went was to the beach: everybody was wearing their swimsuits. Emma's swimsuit was a pink bikini with a skirt. Everybody was enjoying the beach: Roberta and Helena were surfing, Donna and Lois were playing volleyball, Amy and Katie were making sand castles and Meg was tanning in the sun while Connie was about to put a crab in her bikini. Everybody, except Emma, who's too embarrassed to wear such a revealing bikini.

"Come on, sis'!" Amy called "You're missing the fun!"

"I don't know I can't do it" Emma said "Maybe Axel is right: I'm a bore"

"You're just too shy" a ginger girl said, next to him. It was Brenda (not Quagmire's sister) from 'Matt Kennedy and the Spellbook' chapter.

"Uh? Wait, I know you" Emma said "You're Jessica's friend, the girl who Zack was hitting on"

"That's right, I gave up my 'Bren' persona to embrace my female side just like you" Brenda said.

"Oh, they forced me to come with them" Emma lied.

"Yeah, sure" Brenda said, skeptical "Come on, just let it go!"

Elsa from _Frozen_ is shown starting to sing.

"***singing*** _Let it go...let it_-oh my god, that's too hot!" Elsa screamed as she ran away.

"Okay" Emma agreed, going with them.

And so, Emma along with the girls enjoyed the Spring Break in this resort: they went to the spa, they played tennis, they even went paragliding…where they met…the owls of Ga'Hoole?

"What the hell?" Emma asked, "What are owls doing flying in the day time over a resort?"

"Resort?" Soren asked, "Oh, by Glaux, we took a wrong turn!"

"Told ya we shouldn't had listened to that echidna!" Twilight (NOT Twilight Sparkle from _MLP) _growled.

Flying with them was another guy in a suit. He was slightly older than Emma, with dirty blonde hair and a scruffy stubble beard.

"Shen's General? What are you doing here?" Emma asked in shock.

"Trying to get inspired for my own stories. It had been murder." General shrugged, "Now, to cut to the next scene!"

**(A/E: Shen's General!)**

**(A/E: Sorry, couldn't help it)**

They went to hoola dance, and now they're setting a campfire.

***everybody laughing***

"These past few days has been fun" Meg said.

"The only thing that sucks is that there aren't any guys here" Roberta said.

"Are you sure there wasn't a guy who's interested in you?" Emma asked.

**Flashback**

A blackboard that says 'Date With Roberta's Remaining Days: 887' is shown. It's revealed that it's Bobby who's writing it.

"I'll never give up on you, babe" Bobby said "I promise I'll be better than that vanilla rapper-wanna be douche"

"Hey, that offended me!" Jet said.

"Not you, you're cool" Bobby said.

"Oh, thanks" Jet thanked.

**Flashback's end**

"Anyway, I gotta admit, when I met that weird Judith, I thought there was something wrong with this resort" Emma said.

"Come on, Eddie" Lois said.

"Do you think women are backstabbing two-faced bitches?" Bonnie asked.

"No, but..." Emma said.

"Well, Connie is the only one" Meg said "That's why I keep an eye on her"

"Hey, Meg: guess what" Connie said.

"What?" Meg asked.

"Screw you" Connie answered.

"You, screw you!" Meg replied.

"FAT WHALE!" Connie insulted her.

"BITCH WHORE!" Meg insulted her too.

"Okay, both of you: to the corner!" Lois scolded "NOW!"

"Yes Mom/Mrs. Griffin" Meg and Connie replied as they both leave.

"Wow, these two act like two bulls in a horn fight" Katie commented.

"Whatever, I really like spending time with you guys" Emma said.

"A toast to my sister!" Amy cheered.

"TO EMMA!" everybody cheered.

Everybody went to sleep; Meg and Emma were sharing the same room. Emma was wearing a blue nightdress.

"it's official: best vacation ever" Meg said "We should do it every year"

"So...are you ready for..." Emma said with a sexy pose "...lesbian lovemaking?"

"Ah...Eddie, I mean, Emma...how do I put this?" Meg asked "I'm okay with your crossdressing. But I don't get turned on when I see you as a girl"

"But...it's still me" Emma said.

"When you're a guy, it's a different story" Meg said "But not this"

"How 'bout now?" Emma asked, taking out her wig.

"There're women with short hair" Meg said.

"Now?" Emma asked, taking out her fake breasts.

"Also flat chested" Meg answered.

"Okay, I'm gonna release my Kraken!" Emma said, ready to lift her nightdress.

**Cutaway**

Davy Jones and Zeus from _Clash of the Titans_ are shown,

"Only WE can release the Kraken!" Davy Jones said.

"Yeah, we use it for our sexual plea-I MEAN! Wrath and Destruction!" Zeus said.

"Damn it, Z-dude!" Davy Jones cursed "No wonder why most of your people lost faith in you!"

**Cutaway's end**

"Look, I love sex, but...***yawn*** It's been a long day and I just wanna sleep" Meg said, laying on her bed "Good night"

"Okay, fine" Emma said as she looks herself at the mirror "Oh my god, I look like an ugly lesbian" she puts the wig and fake boobs back on "Much better" she started talking herself to the mirror "Hi, I'm Jodie Foster. Sorry for overacting in _Elysium_, I was SO drunk ***giggling***. But seriously, we don't need another Jeremy Irons going ***waving her hand*** Atatatatatata!"

Much later that night; the clock of the resort struck midnight.

***BING* *BING* *BING* *BING***

Suddenly, all the women of the resort woke up at the same time. Everybody had hypnotized eyes and they started walking like zombies. When Meg did the same, only Emma remained sleeping until Meg got out of the room and closed the door, causing her to wake up.

"Meg?" Emma asked as she stood up and followed Meg.

She realized all the women of the hotel were going to the same place.

"What the hell is going on?" Emma asked.

"Looks like they all woke up at the same time" Brenda answered, appearing next to her.

"Brenda?" Emma asked "Do you know what's wrong with them?"

"No" Brenda answered "Maybe if we follow them"

"Wait, why aren't you hypnotized?" Eddie asked.

"I always sleep with earplugs" Brenda said, taking them out.

"Oh yeah, I wear them too every time when my parents were 'role playing'" Eddie said.

**Flashback**

Eddie was in his room, hearing whatever their parents were doing.

Oh yeah, you're gonna love this.

I am so excited.

"I don't wanna know what they're doing" Eddie said, putting on his earplugs "Much better"

Then we see Frank and Helena role-playing...with _Dungeons and Dragons_.

"I'll be honest, I never played this game before" Helena said.

"Well, thank god I'm still keeping my old game guide and several strategy sheets" Frank said "I used to play it all the time with my friends when I was 14. We explored dungeons, we killed ogres, we fought against evil sorcerers to recover extremely rare treasures...!"

"***giggling*** I bet you also rescued a princess" Helena said.

"No...!" Frank said "...okay, my sister Chloë played the princess role"

That made Helena bursting to laugh.

**Flashback's end**

And so they both follow the women. Everybody was going inside of the volcano. Emma stopped walking and so Brenda did.

"We can't enter like this" Emma said.

"Why?" Brenda asked.

"I'm a man, if they find out...I don't know what they're gonna do to me" Emma answered "And maybe they'll do the same to you"

"Okay, then how are we gonna get in there?" Brenda asked.

Emma stepped on the grass and fell down a trap hole.

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!" Emma screamed falling down.

"Emma!" Brenda exclaimed.

Then Emma ended up in a secret passage.

"Brenda, come down here!" Emma called her as Brenda came down.

"Looks like we found their secret passage" Brenda said.

"Cool, I feel like I'm in an Indiana Jones adventure" Emma said as she continued walking through the passage.

When they finally reached the exit; they found all the women (still hypnotized) dressed like amazons in some kind of reunion. There was a rock stage where two women dressed like amazons are chatting 'Ahoo, ahiee, a ho, ho, ho' repeatedly and banging drums. When they stopped, the leader appeared and it was none other than...GLORIA IRONBACHS **(A/E: From I Am Peter, Hear Me Roar)**!

"Welcome, my dear sisters!" Gloria welcomed "Yes, I say 'sisters, because no man is allowed to be here!"

"I was right after all" Emma whispered.

"For centuries the man had oppress us, corrupt us!" Gloria exclaimed "But times has changed. The Age of Man is over and the Age of Woman BEGINS!"

***everybody cheers***

"I thought feminists were nice and gentle" Brenda said.

"Maybe they just..." Emma said.

"Release the pig!" Gloria ordered as the amazons brought...a fat guy wearing nothing, but a loincloth "This pig was tested by the Goddesses if he was enough humble to deserve any mercy from us. And guess what: he FAILED!"

***everybody gasped***

"We gave him one of those disgusting and unholy books called 'Playboy' and see if he can fought against his animal instincts" Gloria explained "But then we caught him doing the 'M' word!"

***everybody angrily booed***

"What's the 'M' word?" Brenda asked.

"Less you know it, the better" Emma answered.

"Now, the Goddesses will give me the power to punish this phallic symbol!" Gloria exclaimed.

"Oh no, they're gonna kill him" Emma said "What would Indiana Jones do?"

Suddenly she imagined Indiana Jones on her right shoulder.

"Easy, go kick her ass like I do" Indy said.

Then Han Solo appeared in Emma's left shoulder

"Don't listen to him, you know what I'd do?" Han asked "I would shoot her just like I did with Greddo"

"So, you confess you shot first, right?" Emma asked.

"Whatever, it was Lucas's fault for making it all confusing" Han answered "By the way: you look hot as a chick"

"Yeah, you really do" Indy agreed "Unlike your cinnamon bun-haired bitch of a girlfriend""

"Shut up, Leia is hotter than your old rag Marion" Han said.

"At least she didn't get fat like yours" Indy replied.

"Guys, guys, they both look awful now" Emma said "Now, go away"

They both disappeared.

"What we're gonna do, Eddie?" Brenda asked as she slipped on a rock and she accidentally dragged Emma with her, both rolling onto the stage.

"Excuse me, you were supposed to be with the others" Gloria said.

"We're sorry, we didn't mean to interrupt you" Brenda apologized.

"***normal voice*** Yeah, let's take all men down!" Eddie said, not realizing he lost his voice-changing collar and his wig.

***everybody gasped***

"Why's everybody staring at me?" Eddie asked, until he touched his neck "Oh, sh*t"

"Who are you?!" Gloria asked in a demanding tone "Some kind of male spy hired to stop us?!"

"No, I'm..." Eddie was about to answer, but the amazons caught him along with Brenda.

Gloria wave her finger across her neck as a 'off with his head' sign. An amazon put Eddie in a flat boulder and she prepared her axe to cut Eddie's head off.

"SOMEBODY HELP ME!" Eddie called.

Suddenly Meg heard Eddie's voice and she recovered from the hypnosis.

"Huh...?" Meg asked until she saw her boyfriend about to get killed "WAIT!"

The amazon stopped as Meg came up the stage.

"How dare you interrupt the execution?!" Gloria asked.

"Leave my boyfriend alone!" Meg demanded "He doesn't deserve to die!"

"Are you defending this young man?!" Gloria asked, really angry "He dress like us to get information, so he and his men could strike us where it hurts!"

"My Eddie would never do such a thing!" Meg said "Well...sort of. He and his friends were going to go as women, so they can come with us..."

"You're not really helping me, Meg" Eddie said.

"But he was right about this place!" Meg said "IT SUCKS! Honestly, have you not gotten laid in so long that you think all men are dirt bags? It's women like you that make Connie seem nice."

Gloria was about to explode of anger, but she suddenly calm down.

"Okay, looks like the men corrupt you" Gloria said "GET THEM!"

All the hypnotized women chase down Eddie, Meg and Brenda.

"How do we regain their senses?" Brenda asked.

"I regained mine, hearing Eddie's voice" Meg answered.

"So, a male voice will wake them up?" Eddie asked.

"Well, you have a very nice voice" Meg said "That's it! We need to put a song of a male artist with an amusing voice!"

"Does anyone has an iPod?" Eddie asked.

"Let's see...got it!" Brenda answered, taking out her iPod out of her hoodie.

"Perfect, now we need a microphone" Eddie said.

Then the amazons started throwing at them spears. They ran as fast as they can until coming out of the volcano. Then Connie fell into a trap hole **(A/E: HAW! HAW!)**. So they went to the resort's offices in order to find a microphone. They finally found one, so they turned it on and a played a song: it was 'You'll Be In My Heart' by Phil Collins.

"Phil Collins?" Meg asked.

"Well, I like him, but some people don't like him" Brenda answered "So I guess they're gonna wake up and vomit"

Then Meg saw Eddie tearing.

"He's...wonderful" Eddie said, making Meg to roll her eyes.

Everybody heard the song, so they finally woke up...then they threw up.

"Where am I?" Lois asked.

"Why we're in our jammies?" Katie asked.

"No, NO!" Gloria shouted "This is impossible!"

"Don't worry, mistress" Judith said, still smiling "The Goddesses will come to fix everything"

"What part of 'I made it up' you don't understand?" Gloria asked as she suddenly felt rumbling on the ground "Now, what?!"

"Looks like the volcano was active after all, mistress" Judith answered, still smiling.

"Seriously, you always smile in a moment like THIS?!" Gloria asked.

Even our heroes felt the rumbling.

"Oh no, the volcano is gonna explode" Meg said.

"Attention everyone!" Eddie called through the microphone.

EVACUATE THE ISLAND USING THE BOATS! I REPEAT! EVACUATE THE ISLAND USING THE BOATS!

Everybody obeyed as they all board the boat and sailed away. Except Gloria and Judith, who both used the helicopter. Finally the lava consumed the entire island: pools, tennis fields, buildings, everything got burned by the destructive liquid. Our heroes also managed to escape in one of the boats.

Watching from above was Shen's General, still on a paraglider, "Well, that's another resort gone…I wonder if Hotel Transylvania is still open." He flew off into the distance.

Eddie received a kiss from Meg.

"You did it, you save us all!" Meg said.

"WE did it" Eddie corrected "Just because I'm a guy, that doesn't mean I don't need some help from you guys"

"At least you proved you can be badass to Axel" Meg said.

"Oh yeah, I am Eddie Walker!" Eddie exclaimed, with a heroic pose "The strongest guy in the Uni-" the he looked at himself with the nightdress torn to shreds "Oh man! This nightdress was made with the silkiest cloth and finest pattern and now it's ruined! Lori doesn't know I borrowed this one. She's gonna kill me!"

***everybody laughed***

"Hey, don't you guys have the feeling we're forgetting something?" Tracy asked.

"Nah, I don't think so" Meg answered.

But actually, they forgot Connie (back to her senses) on the island. She was fine, but she was trapped under the island when the lava got cold and turned to stone.

"Hello!" Connie called "Anybody's out there?! PLEASE LET ME OUT!" She let out an exasperate groan "Well, at least Neil is feeling as miserable as I am"

In case you guys thought I forgot about Neil; he DID go to the Quahog's tallest building and he DID meet the jocks waiting for him. But somehow the jocks ended up getting tied to the building's flagpole and Neil met Matthew.

"Thanks for saving me, Matthew" Neil thanked.

"Please forgive my girlfriend for setting this up" Matthew said "But, I gotta admit: it's cool kicking these guys' asses"

"That's okay...can you give me my $50?" Neil asked.

**End of the chapter**


	33. Rise of the Planet of the Chickens

**Chapter 33: Rise of the Planet of the Chickens**

The day starts with a nice and calm day, everyone were doing their regular activities in this peaceful city...but everything changed when a plane crashed into a bunch of buildings. Then two figures emerged from the flames: Peter and Ernie the Chicken, in another epic fight of Man vs. Chicken. And that's not the exciting part: his children Meg, Chris and Stewie were with him! Their clothes were torned, exposing some of their underwear.

"So, this is what you do every once in a while, Dad?" Chris asked.

"Pretty much" Peter said.

"Wow, I never felt this kind of adrenaline before...except when I sleep with Eddie..." Meg said.

"MAKE HER SHUT UP, FAT MAN!" Stewie demanded, covering his ears.

"Shut up, Meg" Peter said.

When Ernie stood up, there's also the female teenage chicken from 'My Little Monkey' and 'Parade, American Style' chapters and the little chicks from 'ROB-B' (plus its deleted scene).

"This isn't over, Griffins!" Ernie ordered "Nancy, call your brothers!"

"Come on, Dad!" Nancy said, finally speaking **(A/E: in case you wanna know the voice actress, it's Kat Dennings. Funny in _Two Broke Girls_, but annoying in the _Thor_ movies)** "I hate Meg as much you hate Peter, but I have a date with Tony!"

"That roadside hawk douche?" Ernie asked "I told you not to see him again!"

"That's not fair!" Nancy complained.

"Call your brothers or you're grounded" Ernie demanded.

"Argh! All right!" Nancy said, annoyed "Brick! Boomer! Butch!"

"Hey, like the RowdyRuff Boys from _the PowerPuff Girls_!" Chris said.

"Chicken Blast Formation!" Nancy ordered as her brothers got into her shoulders.

"They have their own signature more, huh?" Peter asked "Kids, do yours!"

"Wait, we don't have one!" Meg protested.

"***through his teeth*** Just do what they did" Peter replied.

"Okay, Griffin...huh...Spin...ah...Formation!" Meg said.

"Jeez, you should watch more action cartoons" Stewie commented.

And so the Griffin kids did the same: except Chris is carrying Meg while she's carrying Stewie. Nancy started waving her wings in order to fly high despite being a chicken. Then Chris started twirl Meg around while she did the same.

"Stewie! I need you to get angry in order to get extra power to this move!" Meg said.

"Okay...***taking a deep breath***...I'll never rule the world until I kill Lois...the Jolly Farms show was cancel...stupid Matthew McConaughey won an OSCAR!" Stewie shouted, now angry.

**(A/E: Yeah, in the show, there's one or two episodes where Stewie expresses hatred towards the actor. I'd love to see his reaction for winning an Oscar"**

Nancy took her brothers and kicked them like soccer balls to the Griffin kids. But when Meg threw Stewie, he became an unstoppable fireball that not even the chicks couldn't stop him and he hits Nancy, making her fall. The Chickens were defeated.

"WE DID IT!" Peter cheered "IN YOUR FACE, CHICKEN LOSERS!"

"Kids!" Ernie called approaching them "Are you all right?" he stared at the Griffins "This isn't over, Griffins! Next time, victory will be ours!"

The Chicken family just got out of there while Peter gave high five to his kids. Yeah, even Meg.

"I'm proud of you, kids" Peter said "I can't wait to tell our mother what we did today. I'm sure she'll be very proud of us too"

But when they came back home...

"I'm very disappointed at all of you!" Lois scolded them.

"***sarcastically*** Thanks a lot, Meg" Peter thanked.

"How could this be MY fault?!" Meg asked, angrily "You started this stupid fight!"

"Yeah, but Stewie finished it!" Chris answered also angry, but then he smiled "And it was AWESOME!"

"Go to hell, Matthew McConaughey..." Stewie whispered at a photograph of him and, spitting at it.

"I don't care who started or finished it, fighting is never the answer!" Lois said.

"Hey, you always tell me that I should spend time with my kids" Peter said.

"But not like THIS!" Lois replied pointing at the destroyed city, "Just look at the destruction you caused outside!"

"Come on, the good guys do that all the time" Peter said.

**Flashback**

The Autobots, the Avengers and Superman from _Man of Steel_ were all in the same city...completely destroyed.

"GOOD JOB, EVERYONE" Optimus Prime praised

"We managed to defeat the Decepticons, Loki and General Zod" Superman said.

"Yeah...and we let all the innocent people die" Thor said, looking at a big pile of corpses.

"And caused a millions of dollars in property damage" Captain America said, looking at the destroyed buildings.

"No biggie, I'll pay for everything" Iron Man said, taking out his American Express card.

"I'm afraid it has to wait" Black Widow said, getting a message from S.H.I.E.L.D. "Godzilla is attacking Tokyo...for 1,567th time"

"Then what are we waiting for?" Hawkeye asked "Let's go!"

All the heroes went to the rescue.

"HULK SMASH GIANT REPTILE!" Hulk exclaimed.

**Flashback's end**

"Well, I'm sick of this!" Lois said "This is the last time any of us get into a fight!"

Suddenly Brian came out with the mail.

"Hey Lois, the mail's here" Brian said.

"Great, how much for the property damage?" Lois asked.

"Actually, it's only a letter" Brian answered "And it's from...Ireland?"

"Holy crap! Could it be...?" Peter asked, taking the letter and reading it "IT'S FROM MY DAD!"

"Really?!" Lois asked, surprised.

"But I thought Grandpa died" Chris said.

"He means his biological father" Meg corrected.

"Wait, does that mean Dad has TWO dads?" Chris asked horrified, making Meg to roll her eyes for her brother's stupidity.

"I've been sending him letters, telling everything about you guys and now he finally respond!" Peter cheered.

"What does the letter say?" Brian asked.

"'Dear Son: I'm coming to Quahog, because there will be a wedding...' ***stop reading*** Wedding? ***resume reading*** '...and I want you and your family to help me out'" Peter explained, reading the letter "'Lois, my dear Daughter-In-Law, the bride wants you to be the maid of honor...'"

"Maid of honor to a complete stranger...?" Lois asked, really shock "...okay, as long as she's not a back stabbing bitch." "

"'Meg, my beloved granddaughter, your father told me about your bird whistling abilities and I would like you to train a songbird choir to provide the music'" Peter added.

"Oh my god, what an honor!" Meg cheered "But I expected something spectacular like doing a performance with my bow and arrow"

"'Chris, your father told me you have a certain girlfriend who knows everything about parties, would you ask her to host the reception'?" Peter added.

"Cool, Amy will be very excited!" Chris said.

"'Stewie, as the cutest child of the family, you'll be the ring-bearer'" Peter said.

"Aww...my little boy will look cute as the ring-bearer" Lois cooed.

"I hope it's not the One Ring, I don't want Sauron up in my ass" Stewie said "Hmm...although that would be kinda sexy"

"'Brian, you'll be in charge with the service of the reception'" Peter said.

"Well, I never thought I would be that important" Brian said,

"'And as for you, Peter, my son, you will be playing the most important role of all: Making sure that everything goes as planned. See you all very soon. Sincerely yours, Mickey McFinnigan'" Peter finalized the letter "But...I don't understand. Who's getting married?"

"Oh, wait!" Brian said, taking out another letter "Uh, I was probably supposed to give you this one first"

"'You are cordially invited to the wedding of Princess Elizabeth Victoria Diana Angelina Francesca Mi Amore Cadenza the Third and...' ***gasp***MY FATHER?!" Peter asked, extremely surprised.

"That's more unexpected than the dinosaurs' extinction" Brian said.

**Flashback**

Two dinosaurs: a triceratops and an apatosaurus were eating leaves and having a good time. But not of them realize there's a meteorite coming.

"These are the best leaves I've ever eat" the triceratops said.

"You said it, bro'" Apatosaurus said "With such a simple life like this, what could possible go-?"

But the meteorite finally hit the ground and...

**BOOOOOM!**

The dinosaurs turned into skeletons and million years later, they ended in a museum.

"And that's how they died" the tour guide said.

"***laughing*** dinosaurs were really stupid" a guy commented.

**Cutaway's end**

The whole family went to the airport for Mickey. They even invited Eddie and Amy. Everyone seemed excited, except Peter.

"Wow, I never thought you have an Irish grandfather" Eddie said "I have nothing against Irish people, but every time I see a leprechaun..."

Suddenly Lucky Charms appeared out of nowhere with a bowl of his own cereal.

"HOO! HOO! HOO! You found me!" Lucky Charms cheered "You can have my Lucky..."

But Eddie kicked him away.

"Next time, bring a cauldron full of gold and we'll talk!" Eddie said.

"I'm so excited to see your...wait, why aren't YOU excited to see him again?" Lois asked Peter.

"I can't believe after all these years since the last time I saw him and now he's throwing his single life out of the window!" Peter said, crossing his arms.

"What does that supposed to mean?" Lois asked, suspicious.

"I mean after all the letters I sent to him, telling all the things we did as a family, he's like 'hey Son, I'm getting married and I don't give a damn what you think at all'!' Peter answered "What a douchebag!"

"You know, you're acting more childish than usual" Lois said, clearly upset.

"When I see him, I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind!" Peter said.

"Look, here comes his plane!" Meg said.

The airplane from Ireland has arrived and when it was opened...it dropped thousands of beer bottles along with several drunk Irish men.

"Wow, I'm surprised the pilot didn't crash the plane" Eddie commented.

Mickey was finally here.

"Here I am, American family!' Mickey greeted "Sorry if O'Brian didn't come with me. We entered a Sheep Shaving Contest and he decided to stay home"

**Flashback**

A naked O'Brian was in fetal position and shaking of cold.

**Flashback's end**

"Grandpa!" Meg and Chris greeted, giving him a hug.

"Wow, so these are my son's products from his testicles. So nice to meet you!" Mickey said until he looked at Stewie and he picked it up "And here's the smallest person I've ever seen!"

"Great, like if this house hasn't enough fat bastards" Stewie complained.

"So nice to finally meet you, Mr. McFinnigan" Lois greeted.

"Come on, Mr. McFinnigan is my father, I'm Mickey!" Mickey said "Wow, my son really know what's a beauty when he sees it!"

"***blushing*** Oh, thank you" Lois thanked.

"Nice to meet you, sir" Eddie greeted.

"Very much!" Amy greeted.

"For Saint Patrick! You never told me you have more children" Mickey said.

"No, we're not their children" Eddie corrected "I'm Meg's boyfriend, Eddie Walker and this is my sister Amy, also Chris's girlfriend"

"So YOU are the happy-go-lucky young girl who plans parties, I hope you don't let me down" Mickey said at Amy.

"SIR, I WON'T, SIR!" Amy said, saluting as a soldier.

"Now, where's the patriarch of this wonderful family?" Mickey asked as he saw Peter "Ahoy, Son!"

"Don't 'ahoy' me!" Peter said, really angry "How dare you not telling me in person that you were getting married! I'm your son, for God's sake!

"Oh, sorry if I made you feel like this" Mickey said "Everything happened so fast and I'm not getting any younger. You have to understand an old whisky like me will be drunk by Death"

Everybody stared at Death, who's reading a People magazine.

"Okay, I drank once in a while" Death said "But always with moderation"

"The point is. I don't wanna die alone" Mickey said.

"Well...I don't know how would be my life if Lois gets sick of me" Peter said "But still...how could you not tell me about something as big as your wedding? Am I not that important to you any more?"

"Hey. You're my son" Mickey said "Of course you're important to me. But I'd understand if you didn't wanna be my best man now"

"***excited*** oh boy, you want me to be your best man?!" Peter asked.

"Well... yeah" Mickey answered.

"Sweet, that would be an honor!" Peter cheered, giving him a hand until he changed his mood pretty quickly "But I'm still pretty pissed you're marrying some bitch I don't even know! When did you even meet this 'Princess Angelina Jolie...whoever the hell she is…"

"It's me, Peter" Thelma said, appearing next to him.

"MOM/THELMA/GRANDMA?!" the Griffins exclaimed at the same time, VERY surprised.

"Maybe you didn't receive letters from your father, but I did" Thelma said "You see..."

**Flashback**

_After he told me how proud he was for me to raise you to become a great man..._

***Lois chuckling***

**Flashback's end**

"Sorry, please continue" Lois said.

**Flashback**

_After he told me how proud he was for me to raise you to become a great man. We've been sending each other letters just like in romantic films when a couple were in two different places. Except we went even further with our letters' details._

Thelma and Mickey were writing and sending letters to each other. Including explicit pictures of themselves naked that I had to censor for keeping the T rating...and because they're gross.

**Flashback's end**

"Before we realize it, we just want to become a family" Thelma said.

"What do you say, Son?" Mickey asked "Family?"

"Oh...my...GOD!" Peter cheered, embracing his parents "I'm gonna have my Mom and Dad together! This is the best day of my life!"

"Really, Peter?" Lois asked, annoyed "Minutes ago you were pissed about who's gonna marry your father"

"Wow, Dad's mood changes quickly than when Amy ate those candies" Chris said.

**Flashback**

Amy showed Chris a pack of colored candies.

"They're called 'Emotion Candies'" Amy said "They're my favorite, each flavor represents an emotion. Come on, give me one!"

"Okay, let's try...'Blueberry Blues'" Chris said, giving it to her.

When Amy ate it, her hair turned blue.

"My life sucks..." Amy said, depressed.

"Oh no, I don't want an EMO girlfriend!" Chris said, giving her a red candy "Let's try 'Cherry Angry'!"

Amy ate it and her hair turned red.

"YOU'RE FAT!" Amy shouted as she made a face drawn by John Kricfalusi (the creator of _Ren and Stimpy_) "WHY DON'T YOU DO EXERCISE YOU PIECE OF MEATBALL!"

"'Lemon Fear'?" Chris asked, giving her a green candy.

Amy ate it and her hair turned green.

"The monster are coming after me!" Amy screamed and hugging Chris "You have to protect me!"

"And now 'Strawberry Love'" Chris said, giving her a pink candy.

Amy ate it and her hair turned pink.

"You are SOOOOO handsome!" Amy said, romantically and kissing him in the cheek.

"Yeah, definitely her favorite flavor" Chris smirked.

**Flashback's end**

The following days were the Griffins putting together the wedding, starting with Meg training a small group of colorful birds in the Griffins' garden

"Show me what you got, Meg" Mickey said.

"Okay" Meg said as she whistling the first verse of Beethoven's 9th Symphony.

***Birds chirping Meg's whistling***

***clapping***

"Excellent, Meg" Mickey praised "You should become a bird orchestra conductor"

"Thanks, but that's not the only talent I have" Meg said.

"Yeah, she also queefs blood during her period" Peter said, laughing off his ass.

"No, Dad!" Meg said, very offended and taking out her bow and arrows "I'm also a pretty good archer"

"ho, ho, ho, ho, that's nice" Mickey commented, messing her hair.

"No, I mean it, I'll show you" Meg said, preparing her arrow and shot it randomly.

***Quagmire scream***

The arrow almost hits Quagmire's crotch.

"Hey, watch out, Meg!" Quagmire shouted.

"Sorry, Mr. Quagmire!" Meg apologized.

"Better stick to the birds' chirping" Peter said, clearly scared.

Then they checked out the reception, where Amy made it Irish style: everything in green and gold, an ice statue of a giant beer tar and four-leave glovers everywhere.

"I have to admit, I'm really impressed" Mickey said.

"Thanks!" Amy said "I even put a boxing ring since you guys love boxing"

Dylan and Chris were in the ring ready to fight.

"All right, Chris, show me what you got!" Dylan said.

"I don't wanna hurt you" Chris said.

"Then you're going down, fatty!" Dylan said.

"Fatty...?" Chris asked, tearing and then he got angry "GRRRRR! Nobody calls me 'fatty'!"

Chris started punching Dylan several times until he knocked him out of the ring.

"Hell yeah, my son kicked your ass!" Peter said.

"I'm...telling...Dad" Dylan said, very sore.

"Speaking of Brian, where is he?" Amy asked.

Brian was in the kitchen as we find Katie, Jillian and Cleveland Junior (come on, there were episodes where he shows his cooking skills, I'm too lazy to remember them) were in charge for the wedding food.

"Okay, what do you guys got so far?" Brian asked.

"This amazing chocolate mousse!" Junior said, showing off the mousse that looks like Mickey Mouse.

"Mickey Mouse?" Brian asked.

"Get it? The groom's name is Mickey after all" Junior said.

Brian tasted some of the mousse.

"It tastes too much like orange" Brian said.

"Argh! I told you NOT to add orange zest!" Junior scolded at Jillian.

"But I thought..." Jillian said.

"You don't think!" Junior shouted "Go back washing dishes where you belong!"

"Aww..." Jillian groaned in disappointment, as she went to wash the dishes "Too bad my hamster died, he could help me cooking with just playing with my hair **(A/E: _Ratatouille_ reference)**"

"One: it's a rat, two: it's just an animated movie and three: you don't have a hamster" Katie said.

"Wait, it was mine or it was Jackie's?" Jillian asked, confused.

**Flashback**

We see Jackie crying over his dead hamster. For some reason, he hanged himself with one of Jillian's bras.

"WHY?! HAMISH?! WHY?!" Jackie cried "Why with one of my girlfriend's bras?!"

**Flashback's end**

Now they were in the church where the ceremony takes place"

"Hey, dad, I hope ya don't mind but I took the liberty of hiring security for the wedding.

"Security?" Mickey asked "Why the hell would I need security?"

"Trust me, dad, with our family, bad things tend to happen to us…" Peter answered.

"Who exactly did you hire?" Mickey asked.

"I hired a friend of mine who happens to be an excellent sniper" Peter answered, proudly.

"Whoa, a sniper?" Mickey asked, growing uneasy.

"Yeah. He's watching us right now" Peter said "The moment something goes wrong, I give the 'safe word', and he takes out the target"

"What's the 'safe word'?" Mickey asked.

"'Ga'Hoole'" Peter answered.

A bullet almost got Mickey Shot, shocking both men.

"GAH!" Mickey screamed.

"Whoa! What the hell?!" Peter asked, pulling up a walkie talkie "Axel! Why did you do that?!"

Meanwhile, watching from atop a parking garage across the street from the church, atop his Impala, Axel had his sniper set up.

"Sorry, Peter, you said the safe word" Axel said.

***Through the walkie talkie*** _Yeah, I was just demonstrating! Save your-_

"Hold on a second, Peter, I think I got something.

Back at the church, one of the guys setting up the wedding was talking to another guy.

"So I need help finding this song…" guy #1

"Had you tried searching Yahoo-" guy #2

The guy #1 was shot.

Somewhere else, the Batman villain Ra's al Ghul (as shown in Batman Begins) was talking to one of his henchmen.

"So, you said your name was..." the henchman said, trying to guess his name.

"Ra's al Ghul-" Ra's said as his henchman was shot "Holy sh*t!"

Then there was Po and Tigress from Kung Fu Panda.

"And so I went 'Skadoosh'-" Po said as Tigress got shot "NO!"

"The bitch asked for it!" Axel said, off-screen

And finally: Lois asked Helena for Lori's help to redesign Thelma's old wedding dress (from her wedding with Francis).

"It looks old, but I'll see what I can do" Lori said.

"If there's anyone who knows fashion better than anyone in this city, it's Lori" Helena said.

"Lois, we may have our disagreements, most of them because of you" Thelma said, making Lois a little upset "But these last days have been the best of my life"

"Well...thanks, after dealing with all of my family's shenanigans, I'm glad something normal is happening once in a while" Lois said.

***through the radio*** _Mrs. Walker, a giant female chicken entered the building._

Suddenly; a giant female white chicken came in.

"Hello, is there a Lois Griffin here?" the female chicken asked.

"That's me...?" Lois asked, confused "How do you...?

"A little bird told me" the female chicken said as Toucan Sam was next to her.

"I told you to follow my nose" Toucan Sam said as he flew away.

"Anyway, I'm Nikki" Nikki said "Do you know my husband Ernie?"

"Oh yeah, it's the chicken that my husband fights" Lois said "Listen, I..."

"No, I'm the one who has to apologize" Nikki said "My family has gone too far with those stupid fights"

"Uh...really?" Lois asked, confused.

"It's just hard being a wife and mother" Nikki said "Everything began when I was a little egg..."

**One hour of boring exposition later...**

"...and now my daughter is dating that loser of a roadside hawk!" Nikki finalized her story "Can you believe it?"

But Lois (just like everyone) fell asleep for Nikki's backstory.

"***waking up*** oh, uh? Yeah, it's hard to believe" Lois said, pretending she paid attention.

"Aww...I knew you were nice, Lois" Nikki said "I feel like we've been friends for years. How about if I invite you and your family to have dinner with us tonight in order to put end on this nonsense rivalry?"

"Well, I'd love to" Lois said "But I can't tonight"

"WHAT?!" Nikki asked outraged "What so you mean you can't?"

"Tonight it's the rehearsal dinner..." Lois answered.

"It's because I live in a farm, isn't it?!" Nikki said, not listening at her "Because I already told you...!

**Two hours of more boring exposition later...**

"...and now I'm starting to suspect the farmer is a zoophile!" Nikki said until she realized Lois fell asleep again "Are you even listening?!"

"*waking up* uh, what?" Lois asked.

"How could you?!" Nikki shouted, feeling betrayed "After all these years of a beautiful friendship, you got sick of me! Well...you know what this means?"

"That we can have dinner another...?" Lois asked.

"WAR!" Nikki answered "GOOD-DAY, MA'AM!"

She left the building, slamming the door.

"Is this a bad sign?" Thelma asked.

"Nah, I don't think she's serious" Lois answered, not worrying it.

But when she was in home, which it's a farm (NOT Katie's)...

"I've never been so serious in my life" Nikki said.

"What do you mean, dear?" Ernie asked, playing cards with his children.

"We should declare war on the humans!" Nikki said.

"So...your little talk with Peter's wife backfired, right?" Ernie asked "Why I'm not surprised?"

"This is serious! These humans only treated us like egg factories and food!" Nikki said.

"Well, I'm glad they take our eggs" Nancy said "I barely stand these little bastards called 'brothers'"

"Shut up and bear with me, Nancy" Nikki ordered "I'm going to give him a war that will make World War II look like a snowball fight for kindergartens..."

Then the farmer appeared.

"Excuse me, I'd like to see Betsy" the farmer said as Betsy, who's a cow, approached "Hi, I wonder if you can come with me"

"Oh, sure, Mr. Fiddlestick" Betsy said "Moo-moo"

"Oh, and...can you put this lingerie on?" Mr. Fiddlestick asked, holding a red lingerie designed to be worn by a cow.

Betsy looked at the viewers.

"***beep***" Betsy cursed.

Next day was the big day; all the guests were entering the church. The ceremony finally began with the priest doing the introduction.

"Welcome everyone" the priest welcomed "We're all here in this beautiful day to celebrate this..." he just looked at how old the couple is "...lovely couple in old, I MEAN, holy matrimony...

While the priest continued the lecture, Axel was lying in his spot.

"God, this is boring" Axel said "Why can't there be a war going on right now? It beats shooting hooligans."

Suddenly he heard something marching. He looked around and far away saw an army of chickens lead by Nikki dressed as a colonel (but NOT like Colonel Sanders, HAHA!).

"Why did I open my mouth?" Axel asked, taking out his walkie talkie.

Back to the wedding...

_Peter! We have a problem!_

"Not now, Axel" Peter said "I'm mere seconds away from seeing my Mom and Dad together at last"

"If there's a reason that this couple shouldn't be together" the priest said "Speak now or forever hold your peace" nobody speak "Really? Not one? There must be someone? It's not me, of course" everybody stared at him "All right! I pronounce you hus-"

_I OBJECT!_

Everybody turned at the voice's owner: Nikki.

"I object for one reason: REVENGE!" Nikki said.

We see Link from _the Legend of Zelda_, all beaten up and with some feathers.

"See? If you screw with one chicken, you screw with all of them" Link said.

"Nikki, please don't ruin this beautiful moment" Lois said.

"Yes, dear, let's forget about it before you go too far" Ernie said.

"Shut up!' Nikki shouted at her husband and stared at Lois "I tried to be nice, Lois. But you made me do this! I pronounce a war against humanity, you may kiss my ovulating ass!"

"Uh, I don't think it works that way, ma'am…" the priest said as Nikki threw an egg-shaped bomb at the priest, exploding in his face in a slapstick way.

***everybody gasp***

"I have plenty more of them!" Nikki said "Get ready to attack!"

Suddenly Axel came in through the ornate window in an epic fashion, standing before Nikki.

"Hold it right there! I won't let you ruin my friend's dad's wedding!" Axel said, pointing at her with his Desert Eagle "I'm hungry and I'd like to eat a BBQ Chicken Sandwich!"

"May I have one with french fries, please?!" Junior asked.

"If you stick with me, I can give you anything you want." Said…Constantine, the Kermit look-alike from _the Muppets: Most Wanted_.

"Get the hell out of here, ya stupid frog, this is our story!" Axel barked at the frog, scaring him off.

"You can shoot me, boy, but then my army will avenge me by destroying and enslaving you all" Nikki said.

"You know what? Screw it." Axel said "You want a war? You got one"

"Perfect, see you in one hour" Nikki said as she and the chickens retreated...for now.

"Axel, what the hell?!" Lois asked "Your job was supposed to shoot at anyone who tries to crash the wedding!

"Actually, if Axel didn't let her live, we wouldn't know about her plan" Brian said.

"We're all fight together!" Axel said "I fought with more menacing animals before. Trust me: these chickens will be easy to take down. You wanna join me in this war?!"

"YEAH!" Everybody cheered.

"LET'S DO THIS!" Joe exclaimed, carrying a gun.

"GIGGITY-GIGGITY GUN!" Quagmire exclaimed, carrying a gun

"Everything is better with Brown!" Cleveland said, carrying a shotgun.

"TODAY: WE'LL CELEBRATE THIS WEDDING!" Axel exclaimed.

***everybody cheered***

"Who named him the leader?" Eddie asked "I'm the main character of the story!"

"Shut up, female Meg" Peter said "He has bigger balls than yours"

"Female Meg?" Eddie asked.

"Yeah, you're just like Meg, but more feminine" Peter answered.

"F*ck you!" Meg shouted.

"Shut up, male Meg!" Peter said.

During this whole hour, everybody prepared for the battle: Meg prepared her bow and arrows. Eddie and Matthew practiced their sword skills. Matt transformed himself into White Magician. Dylan transformed into a werwolf to sharpen his claws. Amy got dressed into her karate outfit and show off her skills, even Chris did the same, but he kicked himself in the balls. The rest of Quahog put on the police S.W.A.T. gear, except Mayor West, who decided to go as Batman from his old TV series...even Carol dressed up as Catwoman. As for Axel, he was loaded to a T with guns, with his trusty Desert Eagle and Ragnarok attached to holsters for quick access.

Everybody was united, waiting for the chickens.

"All right, anyone who are having second thoughts about this fight, now is the time for you to get out while you can. No one will hold it against you." Axel said.

The people who were began leaving, leaving those who were gonna fight. Two of them were Eddie's parents.

"You too, Frank?" Axel asked.

"Yeah, I don't think violence is the solution" Frank said, which it's ironic since he can't remember his 'dark past'.

"Me too, I'm a defenseless wife and mother who's also just a model" Helena said, hiding her secret agent identity.

"Then you all will be protected with this magic shield" White Magician said, summoning a blue magical dome on the people who are not gonna fight.

"Okay, as long nobody pass gas" Connie said.

"Scott, what are you eating?" Gina asked looking at Scott who's eating a burrito and purple juice.

"Chili beans burrito and prune juice" Scott answered.

"DAMN YOU, SCOTT!" Connie cursed.

"The rest of you, are you ready to fight?" Axel asked.

"YEAAAAHHHH!" everybody cheered.

"LET'S DO-!" Axel exclaimed.

"Hey, Axel!" Chris said, interrupting him "We don't need to battle these chickens. I found someone who can deal with them!"

That somebody was James Franco.

"James Franco?" Axel asked.

"Yeah, you fought an army of apes from that Planet of the Apes prequel, I know you can fight these chickens alone!" Chris said.

"That was just a movie" James Franco replied "Besides: I never fought any of these apes, I just played a scientist"

"Oh...well, still I'm gonna see you in the sequel this year" Chris said.

"Actually, I'm not returning in the sequel" James Franco corrected.

"Then get the hell out of here!" Chris said, angrily "And by the way..." he punched him in the eye.

"OW! WHAT THE HELL?!" James Franco asked.

"That's for ruining the 83rd Oscars Ceremony!" Chris said.

"It's true" Eddie agreed as James Franco leaves.

"Okay, now LET'S DO THIS!" Axel exclaimed.

***everybody cheered***

They looked at the ocean and saw a float of chickens; including some of the famous fictional chickens from other cartoons doing cameos: Foghorn Leghorn from _the Looney Tunes_, Chicken from _Cow and Chicken_, Fowlmouth from _Tiny Toons_, Scratch from _Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog_, Chicken Boo from _Animaniacs_, Steelbeak from _Darkwing Duck_, the chickens from _Chicken Run_, the Big Red Chicken from _Dora the Explorer,_ Chicken Little and the chicks from _Hop_ (2011 film).

"There will be human blood..." Nikki said, darkly "ATTACK!"

Some chickens prepared their catapults to throw giant egg bombs. Then Mayor West threw several Bat-Boomerangs and White Magician threw fireballs to destroy them while there were up in the air.

"Damn it!" Nikki cursed "I think we gotta get closer"

The chickens put on their jetpacks (shaken orange soda bottles) made by Chicken Little and flew up in the air. They took out their weapons which it's a gun full of Angry Birds. They started shooting at them, but Eddie and Matthew took out their swords to slash every single one of them. Then Meg fires several arrows at the chickens' jetpacks, leaving them to fall into the ocean.

"You gotta be kidding me!" Nikki said, staring at Chicken Little "No wonder why your movie sucks!"

"So-sorry, mistress" Chicken Little said "I promise next time-"

But she took out a flamethrower and turned him into chicken roast.

"'I'll do it better', yeah, yeah, everybody says that" Nikki said.

The float finally arrived and the chickens came out dressed as warriors to fight the humans. While humans and chickens were fighting each other, Nikki and her family were watching the fight.

"What have we done?" Ernie asked.

"This is what we wanted" Nikki answered "These humans will be our slaves" then she realized Nancy was putting on jetpack "Hey, where are you going young lady?"

"I'm sick of this, I'm going with my boyfriend" Nancy said, turning on the jetpack.

"Nancy the Giant Chicken, come here right..."

But Nancy already flew away. Then up in the air she saw...a small plane was coming towards her. The camera zoom in revealing...THELMA!

"You all will pay for ruining my wedding!" Thelma said, full of rage and determination.

She started shooting at her and she tried to dodge them. The humans and the chicken stopped fighting when they saw the small plane shooting at Nancy.

"Where did she learn to fly a plane?" Lois asked.

"I taught her a couple of lessons" Quagmire answered.

"***cracking his fists*** I hope there's nothing else" Mickey said.

Thelma kept shooting at Nancy until one of the bullets shot Nancy's left wing.

"AAAAAAHHHH!" Nancy screamed in pain. Even worse so, Thelma shot her bottle jetpack, leaving her to fall to her death.

"SWEETHEART!" Nikki screamed.

"Nobody messes with Princess Elizabeth Victoria Diana Angelina Francesca Mi Amore..." then she realized the plane's engine started failing "Oh no..."

While Thelma was looking for somewhere to land safety, Nancy was about to fall, but then...

***SWOOOSH***

A flying creature appeared and caught her. Nancy had her eyes closed until she opened them to see her rescuer: a gray roadside hawk with a red vertical line crossing his face plus red tattoos of dragons on both wings.

"TONY!" Nancy cheered.

"Did you miss me, babe?" Tony asked.

Tony landed on the ship with Nancy's family, where they received their daughter.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" Nikki asked as she stared at Tony "We misjudged you. You really care about our daughter"

"Not all roadside hawks are blood-hungry bastards" Tony said.

"I may still not convinced about this relationship" Ernie said "But saving my daughter is a good start"

"Oh my god, I think she's bleeding!" Nikki screamed "Ernie, tell everyone to fall back! We need to tend to our daughter."

***Bird Cry***

The chickens heard the bird call and everybody got back to the float.

***humans cheered***

"They're leaving!" Meg said,

"We did it!" Chris cheered.

"They chickened out!" Peter said as he laughed "Get it?" but his family took it as a tasteless joke "Geez, you guys have no sense of humor"

"Family!" Mickey said "Where's Thelma? I didn't see her land!"

The family started looking for Thelma all over the beach. They finally found her, unfortunately she didn't land safely and crashed the plane.

"MOM!" Peter screamed, removing the pieces of metal to see her, she was severely damaged "Mom! I'm here!"

"Peter...I'm glad to see again..." Thelma said "My baby boy..."

"You're gonna be fine, we'll take you to the hospital" Peter said.

"I'm...sorry" Thelma said her last words, before she died.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Peter screamed with a broken heart.

...

Few days after the battle; the whole family made a very special funeral for Thelma: they put her body in a boat to let her sail at the ocean. Then they offered Meg to fire a burning arrow at the boat to burn it.

"This was not the performance I wanted to give..." Meg said with some tears on her eyes.

After the funeral, Mickey went back to Ireland and the family were still mourning for Thelma's death. Suddenly they received a visit from the Walkers.

"Hi, Lois" Frank greeted.

"May we come in?" Helena asked.

"Sure" Lois answered, letting them in.

"We're very sorry about what happened to Peter's mother" Frank said "I know how it feels to lose a mother"

"Me too" Helena said.

"I was gonna have a complete family..." Peter said, not feeling like himself "I don't know if I'm ready to move on"

"Listen, Peter" Helena said "My family and I are going to England to visit my family. We wonder if you can come with us"

"Really?" Peter asked.

"Yeah, your children are dating ours, we're practically a family now" Frank said.

"Yeah, come with us!" Amy said, trying to cheer him.

"It's the least we can do for you" Eddie said.

"Peter, if you're still sad for your mo-" Lois said.

"Let's go then!" Peter cheered "I always wanted to meet my childhood's friend's family!"

"AW! COME ON!" Lois complained.

"We're going to England again?" Meg asked "I'm already excited!"

"I'm gonna see the Taj Mahal!" Chris cheered.

"That's India" Meg corrected.

"Nobody asked for your opinion" Chris replied.

Then Stewie appeared out of nowhere. For some reason, he's sweating like hell.

"Where have you been?" Brian asked.

"Ah...nowhere special" Stewie said as he's holding a ring on his neck.

"Is that the ring from the wedding?" Brian asked.

"Maybe..." Stewie answered as she went upstairs to be alone.

Then in his room, he called Sauron by cellphone.

"Let's do it again, tonight" Stewie said.

**End of the Chapter**


	34. Game of Kingdoms, part 1

**Chapter 34: Game of Kingdoms, part 1**

**(A/E: This two-parter chapter, just like the alien invasion, will be a parody of my favorite fantasy fictions: _the Chronicles of Narnia, the Legend of Zelda, Lord of the Rings_, a little from _Harry Potter_, _Game of Thrones_ (the only non-comedy live action TV show I watch) and the _Thor_ films (hey, it has fantasy elements, so it counts). Enjoy it!)**

**Quahog, Rhode Island, 2002 (one year before Frank's parents' death)**

The Walkers were in the living room in their pajamas in front of the hearth. Kid Eddie and kid Amy were playing in a pillow fight.

"Okay children, settle down" Helena ordered "Let me read you a fantasy book"

"Like the Hobbit?" kid Eddie asked.

"This one was written by your grandfather" Helena answered "He used to read it to me when I was your age"

"Well, what are you waiting for?" Frank asked, excited "Let's hear it out"

"Okay..." Helena said, opening the book "It's the story of Innerland, a world inside of ours..."

**Story**

_A wonderful kingdom where humans and mystical creatures coexisting together. Trolls, centaurs, unicorns, elves and so many others. They were all in peace and harmony...maybe a little too much._

The kingdom is shown like in the awesome _Game of Thrones_ opening style: humans and mystical creatures were living together. They even make festivals to celebrate special events...there's even a gay Troll and a gay elf making out.

It seemed to be a peaceful place to live. Unfortunately there was one kind of creature they couldn't befriend: DRAGONS.

The festival was suddenly interrupted by an unknown violent fire breathing dragon. Women, children and unicorns ran away while men, trolls, centaurs and elves stayed to fight. Looks like Hiccup from _How to Train your Dragon_ forgot to train this one.

_Some of them ran away while the rest faced off the monster. Two of the men were friends: the King of Innerland and the leader of the Knights of Justice. They both fought with all their strength, but in the end..._

The King was wearing a golden armor while the Knight Leader was wearing a silver one. They both faced the dragon, but unfortunately the dragon killed the King with its fire breath, only leaving with the sword. The Knight Leader took the King's sword and killed the dragon with it.

_The king was gone...the sword that vanquished the dragon was the only item he left. The Queen was devastated by her husband's death and the worst thing: she was expecting a child. Without a king, the Queen had an idea: marry the Knight Leader so her child could have a father and the kingdom, a king._

It shows the Queen (without revealing her face) with the Knight Leader talking while she rubs her belly.

_Uh...dear._

**End of Story**

Back in the real world; Amy was so scared of that story that she hugged Frank's leg so hard.

"Don't let the meanie dragon eat me" kid Amy said.

"Sis', it's just a story" kid Eddie said "And a really cool one"

"But still a story" Helena said.

"Yeah, I can't imagine that in 12 years, this story becomes a plot device for this chapter" Frank said until he realized what he said "Did I just broke the fourth wall?"

**(A/E: Yeah, thanks for spoiling the chapter)**

**Present Time**

The Walkers and The Griffins were in an airplane flying to London, where Helena's family lives.

"I can't believe I'm gonna meet more of my boyfriend's relatives!" Meg cheered.

"Yeah, you said it like 480 times" Chris said.

"Really? I thought it was more than that" Meg commented.

"Helena, tell us a little about your family" Lois said.

"First: there's my father: Sir William James Oldman" Helena said, opening a book that tells her genealogical tree "Patriarch of the Oldman family, knighted by the Queen by his literature skills"

**Flashback**

Helena's father was an old man with gray hair, he has a patch on his right eye and a long gray beard. He was giving a book to the Queen Elizabeth II.

"I hope you accept this book about the history of England" Sir William said.

"I hope it does not mention one of the most horrible tragedies of our history" Queen Elizabeth II said.

"I assure you, it does not mention Princess Diana's death" Sir William said.

"I mean my grandson William's wedding" Queen Elizabeth II corrected, bitterly.

**Flashback's end**

"Your father is a writer?" Brian asked, impressed "Wow! Maybe I can show him what he thinks about my..."

"What else you got?" Peter asked, avoiding Brian's question.

"There's my eldest sister: Anastasia Bender, Jackie's mother" Helena said "She's following in my father's footsteps to become a writer. She's currently a literature teacher"

**Flashback**

Anastasia was a red haired woman about her late 50's, she wears a green suit dress. She was teaching literature in a college.

"Remember to read the first 10 chapters of the _Red Scarlett_ this weekend" Anastasia told "And I mean READ the book, DO NOT watch any film adaptation"

"Not even the one with Demi Moore?" a student asked, making the teacher to slam her ruler at the student's desk.

"ESPECIALLY THE ONE WITH DEMI MOORE!" Anastasia shouted with a menacing tone "Unless you want to fail"

"No, ma'am" the student replied, nervously.

"Good" Anastasia said, kindly.

**Flashback's end**

"She was married to Colonel Jackson Bender in the USA, but they divorced" Helena said.

**Flashback**

Colonel Jackson, black haired, fat and wearing a Colonel USA uniform, was in a nightclub surrounded by so many sexy girls, half his age.

"You know what I like to do?" Colonel Jackson asked "Putting cigars in women's vaginas"

"Oh my god, my father likes to do that too!" a blonde bimbo said.

**Flashback's end**

"It was for the best" Helena said "There's also my older brother and only son: Jeremy Oldman"

"He kills fat people like Lois's brother?" Peter asked.

"PETER!" Lois snapped.

"And his daughter Emily" Helena added.

**Flashback**

Emily is a girl about Amy's and Chris's age, she has a hime-cut brunette hair with a blue hairband. She was in a karate tournament fighting against a man twice her height in the final round and she easily defeated her, without even sweating.

She received the trophy along with her father, who has short hair, he wears glasses and a black businessman suit, while the press was taking photos.

"Mr. Oldman, can you tell how did you do to have such a strong daughter?" reporter #1 asked.

"She's an example of a well-raised child, an inspiration for the parents to raise his children to be perfect" Jeremy answered "I'm not saying this as a public relations spokesperson, but as a father as well"

"Ms. Oldman, how do you feel about your victory?" reporter #2 asked.

"Not really surprised" Emily answered "I always do my best for every challenge I face"

"Tell them why, Emily" Jeremy said.

"Because I'm a born winner" Emily said.

**Flashback's end**

"GRRRRR! I hate Emily SO MUCH!" Amy said "She's like Holly Too Too, but a BAJILLION times meaner!"

"Bajillion isn't even a number" Frank said.

"She makes fun at me about anything: my hair, my personality and even my voice! WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY VOICE?!" Amy asked, as her voice sounded more high-pitched than ever!

That made everybody bleed their ears and cracked the airplane's windows. Even Alvin and the Chipmunks were annoyed.

"Jeez, somebody shut that bitch up" Alvin said.

"Yeah" Simon and Theodore agreed.

"And who's that woman with that Asian kid?" Peter asked.

"My youngest sister Katherine and her adopted son Ronald" Helena answered.

"Ronnie for short and he's ADORABLE!" Amy said.

"He's the best boy scout of his group" Helena said "He has over 50 badges"

**Flashback**

Ronnie was short, round and chubby. He wears a blue boy scout uniform with a red scarf and he was showing his badges.

"'Best Crocodile Training'" Ronnie said, feeding a crocodile.

"'Best LEGO Comstruction'" Ronnie said, building up an exact replica of the Great Wall made of LEGOs.

"'Best Old People Bathing'" Ronnie said, giving Mr. Herbert a bath.

"Oh, it was a good idea visiting London!" Mr. Herbert said.

**Flashback's end**

"Wait, how did your sister adopt?" Frank asked "She isn't supposed to be married?"

"They made an exception for her" Helena said.

**Flashback**

Katherine, who's blond, she wears a yellow sweater, blue jeans and white heels, was in a Chinese Orphanage where she talked with the owner.

"No husband, no children!' the owner said.

"Can't you make one exception?" Katherine asked.

"Impossible! Nothing will change my mind!" the owner said as Katherine lifted up her sweater to expose her breasts "Adoption accepted! For Mr. Boobies-I MEAN-Bob and Mrs. Katherine Oldman!"

Flashback's end

"I can't wait to meet them personally. Right, Eddie?" Meg asked as she noticed Eddie was looking through the window "Aren't you excited?"

"I can't forget about the dumbass war we had with the chickens?" Eddie asked.

"But we kicked their asses" Chris said.

"With Axel's leadership" Eddie replied.

"Oh, so you're jealous" Meg said.

"***sigh*** Yes, I am" Eddie said "I mean: he's brave, strong, bold and look at me: I'm like a Disney prince"

"You mean princess" Peter said as he laughed and gave Chris a high five.

"Hey, Axel may be a better leader, but he's an airhead jerk just like my dad" Meg said "Besides: I love you how you are"

"Thank you, Meg" Eddie thanked "But I don't wanna be just a 'pretty face'. I want to be a strong leader like Aragorn from Lord of the Rings or Captain America from the Avengers"

"So why don't you instead stuffing your bra, you let your balls drop" Peter said.

"Okay, I think that's enough, Mr. Griffin" Eddie said.

"Shut up, Female Meg" Peter said.

"You're lucky I'm in a good mood, Dad or I'd throw you an arrow like Green Arrow from _Arrow_" Meg said.

**Flashback**

We see Green Arrow watching over the city.

"I'm here to clean up the city from the criminals and the corrupted" Green Arrow monologued.

Suddenly Batman appeared next to him.

"No, I'M the one who's gonna clean up the city!" Batman said.

"Come on, I'm basically the Hawkeye of DC Comics" Green Arrow said.

"Well...I'm Batman" Batman said.

"Then let's see how 'Batman' you are when Ben Affleck represents you in the _Man of Steel_ sequel" Green Arrow said.

"F*ck you" Batman insulted.

**Flashback's end**

They finally arrived at London where they found the Oldman family was living in an enormous mansion.

"Oh my god, it's just as big as my parents' mansion" Lois said "Maybe a little bigger"

"Frank, you have to know something before we come in" Helena said "My family may not be very receptive of you"

"Come on, just tell them you guys forgave me and I'm sure they will welcome me to this home" Frank said.

Helena let out a sigh and pressed the doorbell that sounded like funeral music. The gate was opened and the servants appeared: a gray-haired butler with a very pointy nose and a black-haired, pale skin maid with gothic make-up.

"Welcome home, Mrs. Oldman" the butler said with a slow and smooth voice "It's a pleasure to see you on the anniversary of your mother's death."

"The pleasure is mine, Albert" Helena said "I hope my father doesn't mind if I brought an old friend and his family"

"An old friend of yours is a friend of ours as long he respects our family's traditions" Albert said "Beatrice, would you and your maids help with the suitcases?"

"With pleasure" Beatrice answered, nodding her maid dress "Ladies!"

She clapped as dozens of maids that look the same appeared to help both families' suitcases and take them to the mansion.

"Well, that was fast" Lois said.

"The family is waiting in the dinning-room" Albert said.

"Thanks you, Albert" Helena thanked as Peter started making weird faces and annoying noises at Albert "What the devil are you doing?"

"He's like one of those soldiers of the Buckingham Palace who doesn't move at all, right?" Peter asked as Albert punched Peter in the nose "URGH!" then Albert kicked him in the balls "OW!" and he finished him with a punch in the face.

"How uncivilized" Albert commented.

They came inside to see the mansion inside that looks like a luxury castle: valuable vases, sculptures and paintings of the family.

"I forgot how big your mansion was, dear" Frank said.

"Everybody, wait here, me and my children need to see them first" Helena said "I'm including you, Frank"

"Okay, honey" Frank agreed.

"And Peter: don't touch anything" Helena told as the three went to the dinning-room.

When they got into the dinning-room, they met the Oldman family: Sir William, Anastasia, Jackson, Jackie (who for some reason he's dressed like a soldier and brought Jillian with him), Jeremy, Emily, Katherine and Ronnie.

"Welcome home, my beloved daughter" Sir William greeted with open arms to hug her.

"Thank you, father" Helena thanked.

"Hello, grandfather" Eddie and Amy greeted with all their respect until Amy saw Ronnie.

"RONNIE!" Amy cheered, going to hug him "Is that really you?!"

"Uh...yeah?" Ronnie asked.

"YEAH!" Amy cheered, still hugging him "You're still the cutest boy I've ever seen!"

"Well, well, it's good to see you...AMELIA" Emily said, with a cocky tone.

Then Amy angrily glared at Emily.

"***through her teeth*** Don't...call me...that" Amy said.

"Easy, Amy" Eddie said until he saw Jackie as a soldier "Jackie?"

"Private Bender Jr. at your service!" Jackie exclaimed as a soldier.

"See: my own boy decided to follow his old man's footsteps and became a man instead of a loser 'artist'" Jackson said.

"Shut up, Jackson, the only reason I brought you here, it's because my father asked it" Anastasia said.

"You have a really big house, Jackie" Jillian said "It's like a bigger version of a Barbie's beach house"

"And you brought a really sweet girlfriend" Jackson said, holding Jillian's hand "What's 2+2?"

"Oh, I know the answer!" Jillian said "Ah...Abraham Lincoln?"

"And she's beautiful too" Jackson said, kissing Jillian's hand and Anastasia rolled her eyes.

"Father, I want to ask you two favors" Helena answered.

"Anything, dear" Sir William said.

"I brought a friend, a childhood friend from America, and his family" Helena said "His mother has just died recently and he's in a very uneasy depression..."

Then Peter appeared wearing one of the mansion's knight armors.

"Look at me, Helena!" Peter said "I'm Sir Peter-lot!

"Peter, Helena told you NOT to touch anything!" Lois scolded him.

"***sighs*** Father, this is Peter Griffin and his family" Helena introduced them.

"Hey, Mr. O., I hope you don't mind if me and my family stay here for a while" Peter said.

"As long you respect the house's rules, you're welcomed" Sir William said

"Now, my second favor: Frank, come on out!" Helena ordered as Frank appeared "Father, brother, sisters, nephews and niece. I'd like to re-introduce you to my husband...Franklin Walker"

"***nervous*** Hello, guys" Frank greeted.

***the Oldman gasped***

"You did WHAT?!" Sir William asked, outraged.

"That's impossible!" Anastasia said.

"AAAAAAAHHH!" Jackie screamed, hiding behind a sofa.

"You have to be joking" Jeremy said.

"Ronnie, whatever you do, stay away from this man" Katherine said.

"Why? Is he a bad man?" Ronnie asked.

"When I was a teen and my parents sent me to the Walkers' house every summer, he used to whip me with his belt, if I spill his beer on him!" Jackie screamed.

"Jackie, I never did that" Frank said.

"I'm so glad I see you again, Frank!" Jackson said, giving him a friendly slap in the back "Thank you for helping me with Jackie. Sometimes boys need a little discipline"

"Uh...thanks?" Frank thanked, very confused.

"My dear, why did you bring this man after all the atrocities he has done?!" Sir William asked.

"I'll explain to you later, but first: please, let him stay" Helena said.

"He's a good father" Eddie said.

"And my daddy!" Amy said

"So, you mother have Stochholm Syndrome after all" Amelia mocked again "Am I wrong? AMELIA?"

"I told you not to call me that!" Amy shouted at her.

"What's the matter?" Emily asked "Are you afraid to admit that my father is an important man and yours is...a pitiful drunk?"

"You wanna fight?!" Amy asked, doing a karate stance.

"Is that a threat?" Emily asked, doing the same,

"Emily, don't forget your manners" Jeremy said

"Yes, father..." Emily replied, in her normal stance.

"Amy, don't do it" Frank told her.

"Okay, Daddy..." Amy agreed.

"You know, there's too much tension in this family" Peter said "So here's Axel laughing at Quagmire's bald head.

**Flashback**

Axel was on the ground laughing his ass off at Quagmire's bald head.

"HE LOOKS LIKE GARGAMEL FROM THE GODDAMN SMURFS!" Axel exclaimed, continued laughing.

"Can I go now?" Quagmire asked as Axel stopped laughing.

"Nope" Axel answered, suddenly resuming his laughing.

**Flashback's end**

After the dinner (and after Helena explained everything to her father in private); everybody were choosing their rooms: Peter and Lois were gonna stay in one room, Chris, Eddie, Stewie, Jackie and Ronnie were gonna stay in another, Meg, Amy, Jillian and Emily were gonna stay in another and finally Helena...

"Your father already chose the room for Mr. Walker" Albert said.

"What?" Frank asked.

"Wait, I already told my father he's not...!" Helena said.

"My orders shall NOT be disobeyed" Albert said "Follow me, Mr. Walker"

Frank followed Albert until they arrived at...the pigs' mud in the courtyard.

"I didn't know you have pigs" Frank said.

"They're feeling lonely, go and sleep with them" Albert said, pushing Frank's back with his foot, so he ended in the mud with pig "Good night, Mr. Walker" he slammed the door.

***Oink Oink***

Frank stood up covered with mud, then he saw Brian also covered with mud.

"Brian?" Frank asked.

"They don't allow dogs inside" Brian answered.

Meanwhile; the girls were in their pajamas ready to sleep. Amy and Emily continued glaring each other. Meg was worried seeing both girls in that way, so she decided to break the ice.

"So...pillow fight?" Meg asked.

"Too uncivilized" Emily answered.

"Makeovers?" Jillian asked.

"I forgot my makeup stuff" Amy answered.

"You'd look like an Oompa Loompa" Emily replied "From the original, not from the pile of garbage of Tim Burton"

"Come on, it wasn't bad" Meg said "It followed the book better than the original"

"Plus Johnny Depp was hot in that" Jillian said "He looked funny as a white native american with a dead crow over his head"

"Ah...that's _the Lone Ranger_" Meg said "***shrugged*** what they were thinking when they made it?

"You know what? I'm SO sick of you!" Amy said, grabbing her pillow and blanket "I'm gonna sleep in another room!"

She got out of here, slamming the door. She walked through the hallways to look for some room until she met up with Eddie.

"Bro'?" Amy asked.

"I heard you slamming the door" Eddie answered "Did you get into a fight with Emily?"

"I can't stand her!" Amy said "She mocks me every time I open my mouth!"

"I don't know why you girls can't get along" Eddie said.

"Can you help me on looking for a room and sleep with me?" Amy asked with puppy eyes.

"Amy, you shouldn't say it in that way or readers could misunderstand that" Eddie said.

**Cutaway**

We see an ugly freaky geek with serious mental issues painting an Anime-ish fanart of Eddie and Amy making out on his computer.

"Aha, they'll look perfect along with the painting of May and Max from _Pokémon_, aha!" freaky geek said.

**Cutaway's end**

Eddie and Amy found a room.

"Let's take a look at this one" Eddie said.

But when they opened the door...the room was completely empty, except for something covered with a cloth.

"What kind of room is this?" Eddie asked.

Suddenly Albert appeared closing the door.

"This room is off-limits" Albert answered "Orders from Master Oldman"

"What's that thing covered with that blanket?" Amy asked.

"Nothing for little stupid girls like you" Albert answered.

"Hey, how dare you insult my sister?" Eddie asked, angry "Did you forget we're part of this family too?"

"You're just like your father, Walker: insolent, arrogant and very WEAK" Albert said "So I recommend to go back to their respective rooms and stay away from this room.

Albert finally leaves as Eddie and Amy kept staring at the door.

"You know what, bro?" Amy asked "I won't listen to him!"

Amy entered the empty room as Eddie followed her.

"Amy!" Eddie called her as she took off the blanket revealing...a wardrobe.

"An old wardrobe?" Amy asked "That's the thing he wants us to stay away from?"

"Well, you know what was there, let's go back to our rooms" Eddie said as he leaves.

Amy was about to follow him...but she decided open to the wardrobe, revealing some old coats. Then she noticed some...snow that's not melted yet. In fact, the wardrobe was very cold. She continued going through the wardrobe and no, I won't make a reference of Epic Movie or any Friedberg/Seltzer piece of crap. Anyway, she continued her way through the wardrobe and she finally arrived at...snowy forest?

"Oh...my...gosh" Amy said, astonished until she felt cold since her pajamas doesn't cover her enough "Oh, I'm cold!"

She grabbed one of the coats from the wardrobe, a red one, and continued exploring the forest. Then she saw the bushes were shaking.

"Huh, hello?" Amy asked "Is anybody there?"

The mysterious person came out...it was a girl of her age wearing a blue medieval dress with a red hood. She has a long ginger hair and...POINTY EARS?!

"Hello" the girl greeted.

"AH!" Amy screamed and pointing at the girls' ears "You have pointy ears!"

"Of course I have, I am an elf" the elf girl said "Well, I am half elf, actually. My mother is an elf and my father is a human"

"Why are you saying it as a normal thing?" Amy asked "And what is this place?"

"This...is Innerland" the elf girl answered "You are stepping on the Winter zone"

"Innerland...?" Amy asked as she remembered the name "Oh, I know this place!"

"You do?" the elf girl asked.

"My mother used to tell me a lot of things of this world when I was a kid" Amy answered "But it was...just a story"

"I am Eileen" the Eileen said.

"No, this must be a dream" Amy said, trying not to believe it "I bet I'm sleeping in my room like a sweet baby. Then right now I bet that meanie of Emily is now drawing on my face with a black marker! You know, like that Jigglypuff from Pokémon"

Then Eileen noticed somebody coming.

"Do you know what Pokémon is?" Amy asked "Of course not, I bet you don't even have TV in this fantasy world..."

"He's coming, we have to hide!" Eileen said, grabbing Amy's hand.

"Where?" Amy asked.

"I have a secret place" Eileen answered.

Meanwhile in the real world...

"I'm really worried about Amy" Meg said "I don't usually see her so angry. She's always upbeat and happy"

"You mean annoying and lunatic" Emily said.

"You really should meet Connie, I bet you would be great friends" Meg said.

"***laughing*** this book is so funny!" Jillian said, reading a book.

"Ah...that's _the Schindler's List_" Meg said looking at the cover "And you're reading it upside down"

She changed it to its normal position.

"Oh, now it's sad..." Jillian said.

"I'm gonna find Amy" Meg said, leaving the room.

She went hallways until she found a room with the opened door. She entered to find the wardrobe opened too. Thinking there's Amy there, she went through to find her and guess what: she ended up in Innerland!

"AAAAH!" Meg screamed, falling down to the snow "Ugh...what the hell?" she looked up and found herself in the winter zone of Innerland "How did I end up outside and why is there snow? I don't know how the weather of England is, but we're still in Spring. Great, now I'm talking to myself...AH!"

Suddenly a middle aged man appeared: he had brunette hair, a beard and he was wearing a black armor over a red outfit. He was pointing at Meg with his spear.

"What are you doing in the name of the King?!" The man asked.

"Please, don't hurt me!" Meg cursed "I'm just looking for my friend!"

"Then you have just looked for your DEATH!' The man said, raising his spear ready to kill her.

"AAAAHH!" Meg screamed covering herself and closed her eyes.

_ALTIMORE! STOP!_

Altimore stopped the attack as Meg slowly opened her eyes to look for the owner's voice. It was a good looking blonde young man, about Meg's age. He had pointy ears and he was wearing a crown made of oak wood and a green king suit with a black cape. He was carrying a golden scepter with a purple orb on it. Meg was astonished by the young man's appearance.

"Your majestic, I swear I was trying to protect your kingdom..."

"Quiet!" the young king ordered as he stared at Meg "What is your name, young lady?"

"Megan Griffin" Meg answered "But everybody calls me Meg"

"Please forgive my advisor" the young king said "My name is Draggoroy, God King of Innerland"

"Draggoroy?" Meg asked "That's the weirdest name I've ever..."

"Do not insult my king!" Altimore threatened.

"ALTIMORE!" Draggoroy shouted "I promise you I'll execute him when we go back to the castle"

"No, don't do it, It was my fault" Meg said "It's just...I'm lost, confused and...***shivering***...brr...very cold"

"Maybe this will help you..." Draggoroy said, using his scepter's powers to make appear a white cape to cover Meg up.

"Wow...it's so warm" Meg said "How did you do that?"

"Ask me anything you want it and I'll make it appear" Draggoroy said.

"Okay, I'd like some hot chocolate" Meg said as Draggoroy made appear a cup of hot chocolate "Oh my god!"

"I can't leave you be alone in this cold land" Draggoroy said "Let me take you to my castle"

"But, your majesty, aren't we looking for...?" Altimore asked.

"I found what I was looking for." Draggoroy answered as he offered his hand to Meg "Come with me, beautiful woman"

*blushing* you call me beautiful" Meg said getting up in Draggoroy's sleigh, held by two horses.

"Yuck, does King Draggoroy called that thing 'beautiful'?" horse #1 asked, strangely enough, with an American accent.

"Yeah, I bet he's more than desperate to lose his virginity" horse #2 replied.

Meanwhile; Amy and Eileen has found the hideout...which is just a tree.

"Is that your hideout?" Amy asked "There's not even a treehouse"

"Observe…" Eileen said, taking out a wand with a crystal star and made a door appear, "Come on in"

She opened the door, revealing a decent house: a kitchen, a living room and a bed.

"Oh my gosh! You did all this in a small tree?" Amy asked.

"Elves have magic powers" Eileen answered.

"Then can you make a mountain of tons and tons of candies?" Amy asked "I don't care if my mom tells me that it will give me diabetes for the rest of my..."

"Listen: it's very important he doesn't find us" Eileen said.

"Who?" Amy asked.

"My evil half-brother: King Draggoroy" Eileen answered "'The self-proclaimed God King of Innerland'"

"God King?" Eileen asked.

"He has magic powers like me" Eileen said "But he's more powerful than you ever could imagine"

"More than Zeus or any mythological god?" Amy asked.

"Let me put you this way: he can give people both life...and death" Eileen said.

"So...does that mean he kills...and resurrects people like zombies?" Amy asked.

"Pretty much...except for the zombie part" Eileen answered "He resurrects them as they were before"

"Wow..."

"But he's not a god...he's a rotten, proud and immature brat who plays god" Eileen said.

"Well, that's exactly what I think about Emily" Amy replied.

"Because of him, my mother and father are trapped, I don't know where and he changed Innerland's rules" Eileen explained "All his powers are nothing, but dark magic"

"What happened to the mystical creatures?" Amy asked "The trolls, the unicorns...?"

"They're all gone!" Eileen answered with some tears "He has the idea they're nothing but dangerous creatures, so he decided to exterminate them. Now, he's looking for me so that he could kill me, so nobody could overthrow him."

"Oh my...and I thought Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty was evil" Amy said "No wonder why it's gonna be played by Angelina Jolie in the live action version"

"But…there is hope" Eileen said, taking out a book revealing an old manuscript written with Innerland's language "There's a prophecy..."

"You know, some people say prophecy stories are 'overdone clichés'" Amy commented. "But then again, Axel say every movie nowadays is pretty much a cliché and people and critics should stop whining and b-word about it."

"Just listen: 'Five Warriors Outside of Innerland Will Come, So They All Can Overthrow The Evil King And His Throne'" Eileen explained the prophecy.

"Oh, and they must rhyme like in a Dr. Seuss book" Amy added.

"Take a look at this picture" Eileen said, showing her a picture of the three warriors, who look awfully familiar.

"Wait...that's my brother and cousins!" Amy said, pointing at each warrior "Eddie, me, Jackie, Ronnie...oh no, Emily too?!"

"You know them?" Eileen asked as she smiled "Then there's still hope to save Innerland!"

"Okay, I accept the mission to save the world and even more if my family is gonna help me too" Amy said very calmly "But..." anime-style, her head turned big, red and her eyes were in fire "I WILL NEVER WORK WITH THE MEANEST GIRL I'VE EVER MET!"

"But if the warriors are not brought together, Draggoroy will rule Innerland for an eternity...or at least he marry a woman which it's unlikely since he's despicable" Eileen said "Please...you're our only hope"

"Good gosh, this is gonna be worse than that deleted scene from _the Little Mermaid_!" Amy said.

**Flashback**

Ariel (remember she can't speak) and Eric were having dinner together. Ariel seems to enjoy her dinner.

"Do you like it?" Eric asked "It's called 'Grilled Flounder'"

Suddenly, Ariel stopped eating and vomit the dinner all over the place. When she was done, she screamed with no audio whatsoever and she started to cry, again with no audio at all.

"You used to be a mime artist?" Eric asked "Because you're doing a great job"

**Flashback's end**

Meanwhile, in King Draggoroy's castle; he was showing the entire castle to Meg. He even gave her a beautiful medieval pink dress and red slippers. The whole castle was made of gold with green decorations. They were walking around the garden right now.

"This whole place is fantastic!" Meg said, amazed "And I feel beautiful wearing this dress"

"Anything for my precious maiden" Draggoroy said.

"I forgot to ask you: what's up with your pointy ears?" Meg asked "Are you Link for the Legend of Zelda? You obviously don't know who that is. I bet you don't even have TV in this fantasy..."

"I'm half-elf" Draggoroy answered, interrupting her "Elves are powerful creatures with unique powers. In my case: I've been chosen to become not only king of my kingdom, but GOD of Innerland"

"Chosen by who?" Meg asked "By the high council of elves or something Star Wars prequels related?"

"You guessed it" Draggoroy answered "Thanks to them, I have so many powers: immortality, mind control, resurrection, etc. As a god, I can't get old, I can't get sick and most important: I can't DIE"

"Wow, it must be wonderful being young and healthy forever" Meg said "It's practically the dream of every man alive"

"Yes...unfortunately that's not what I wanted" Draggoroy said "You see, elves can only be immortal as long they remain single. I'd rather to share my life with someone else than spending the eternity alone"

"What does that mean?" Meg asked.

"Meg...would you like to be...Goddess Princess of Innerland?" Draggoroy asked.

"What?" Meg asked, surprised for the question.

"Or better yet...GODDESS QUEEN OF INNERLAND?" Draggoroy asked.

"Well, I rather to be a princess, 'cause that's what most girls want" Meg answered.

"Oh, but a queen is much more powerful" Draggoroy replied "You can rule the kingdom along with me"

"But, what I'm trying to say..." Meg said until Draggoroy used the magic of his scepter on her, turning Meg's eyes purple.

"Let me see your mind..." Draggoroy told.

He saw Meg's thoughts and memories. He accidentally saw a moment when she was...in her underwear.

"I definitely found the right lady" Draggoroy said until he felt something...in his pants "Oh, bloody hell!"

**(A/E: Don't be shy, Draggoroy, that's what a guy have when he sees his favorite female fictional character either naked, wearing lingerie or any fetish costume.)**

He continued exploring Meg's mind: her relationship with her family, her relationship with her boyfriend, every single moment of her life, including the BAD moments. Draggoroy suddenly stopped.

"Ugh, what happened to me?" Meg asked, waking up.

"Poor young lady: they've mistreated you, abused you, like an animal" Draggoroy answered "Not only your family...but this young man as well"

"What?" Meg asked, very confused "How do you know...?"

"Let me help you" Draggoroy said "I can punish these bastards with all my power"

"Okay, I think I have to return to my world" Meg said until Draggoroy used his scepter again "ARGH!"

"Let the hatred consume you...you want to make them suffer..." Draggoroy ordered with an evil smile.

"I-want-to-see-them" Meg said with a monotone voice.

"Altimore!" Draggoroy called.

"Yes, your majestic?" Altimore asked.

"I want you to go to the exterior world and find this people" Draggoroy ordered, magically projecting from Meg's mind: the Griffins.

"But, your majestic, no Innerlander has ever..." Altimore said.

"Do you want your head in a bloody stick?!" Draggoroy asked with a very menacing tone...until he realized what he said "That sounded pathetic, don't you think?"

"I think you did wonderful..."

"Stop talking and go!" Draggoroy ordered as Altimore left of the castle.

"Dude, the king is nuts!" horse #1 said.

"Totally" horse #2 replied.

Meanwhile; Amy got back to the real world and went to the boys' room, but they still haven't slept yet.

"Hey, Amy, did you change your mind about the room?" Eddie asked.

"Are you boys still awake?" Amy asked "Didn't you see I was gone for two hours?"

"You mean two minutes" Jackie answered.

"You're not gonna believe me, but you gotta come with me" Amy said "And Ronnie, you better bring your boy scout backpack"

"Are we gonna explore?" Ronnie asked, excited.

"What's going on, Amy?" Eddie asked.

"Just come with me" Amy answered.

"Hey, what about me?" Chris asked.

"Sorry, dear, but this is...uh...family business!" Amy answered as she took the three with her.

They followed Amy (including Emily reluctantly) to the room with the wardrobe.

"This is rubbish garbage" Emily said "You brought us here to see an old wardrobe"

"Not just a wardrobe" Amy said, getting in as the guys followed them and you guessed it: they were now in Innerland.

"What is this place?" Eddie asked.

"***shivering*** I should have bring my winter underwear" Ronnie answered.

"I'll take you to my new friend" Amy said "She'll tell you everything"

"God, this is weirder than..." Eddie said as a gopher came out of the ground and it was revealed the gopher had wings and flew away "...that?"

Meanwhile, in real world; Chris was sleeping in the room...until Altimore appeared in front him and took out a small crystal sphere. He hit him with it and magically trapped Chris inside. Then he found Peter and Lois sleeping and he was about to use two more spheres on them until...

***fart***

"Urgh...bloody hell" Altimore complained, almost fainting from Peter's fart "What a disgusting man and yet, he's married with a beauty prettier than the girl Lord Draggoroy brought"

Nevertheless, Altimore used the spheres to caught both of them. After accomplishing his task, he was about to leave until he found on the floor...a pair of Lois's panties. He picked them up and smelled them. He kept them as a 'souvenir'.

Back to Innerland; our heroes met Eileen and she explained everything about the kingdom and about God King Draggoroy.

"Let me get this straight: the tales I heard when I was a kid were true and now it's ruled by a tyrant king. Then this 'overdone and clichéd' prophecy tells us that we're the last hope to save it?" Eddie asked.

"Pretty much" Eileen answered.

"Look, I don't wanna look like the fool of the group..." Jackie said.

"Which you are" Emily said.

"But I'm not a warrior, just an artist who pretends to be in the army to make his dad proud" Jackie said.

"It would be easier if you'd tell him the truth" Eddie said.

"Are you kidding me?" Jackie asked "He would kill me! Or worse: he would make me join the army for real!"

"Please listen, we don't have much time!" Eileen demanded "According to the prophecy: you must go to the four frontiers of the kingdom: Northern Frontier, Southern Frontier, Eastern Frontier and Western Frontier. Each frontier has a ruler that will give you a key. These keys open a room in the King Draggoroy's underground temple where it's hidden the weapon to stop him"

"You mean like _the Legend of Zelda: the Ocarina of Time_?" Eddie asked "Where young Link gets three stones from three different bosses, brings them to the Time Temple and they open the room where the Master Sword is? Then he grows up to become adult? Then he has to get SIX medallions in order to enter Ganondorf's castle in order to save Princess Zelda and Hyrule?"

"Bloody hell, he is a complete geek" Emily said.

"***through his teeth*** you will leave the best video game of all time alone" Jackie said.

"I'm so excited for the adventure!" Ronnie said "As in the camp we always say: ***hawk sounds*** BWAK! BWAK! ***bear sounds*** ROAR!"

"What the devil was that supposed to mean?" Emily asked.

"Here's your equipment: clothing, weapons, food and anything you'll need for your quest" Eileen said.

"All right!" Amy cheered "This is gonna be EPIC! Not to be confused by the Blue Sky Studios film of the same name, which it's nothing but a ripoff of FernGully."

"Not really…I mean, Epic is about Leaf Men and was based off a book. FernGully was about fairies and an environmental message against pollution voiced by Tim Curry…" Eddie explained.

"What do you say, Eddie?" Jackie asked "This is your chance to become a leader"

Eddie looked at the weapons that were among the items: a sword. He grabbed it and stared at it.

"Let's do this" Eddie said with determination.

Meanwhile, in the Draggoroy's castle; Altimore came back with the spheres that contains the Griffins.

"Your majestic, here's the people you asked for." Altimore said, throwing the spheres to the ground, breaking them into pieces and releasing Peter, Lois and Chris. They were awake, yet very confused.

"What the hell?" Peter asked.

"Where are we?" Lois asked.

"Shut your mouth, you filthy, yet attractive woman!" Altimore threatened with his spear.

"Hey, stay away from my wife!" Peter said "If this is a dream, that means I can easily kick your ass!"

"I'm afraid, this is not a dream" Draggoroy said "This is Innerland and I am God King Draggoroy!"

Then Lois saw Meg, still mind controlled by Draggoroy.

"MEG!" Lois called.

"Silence, mortal!" Draggoroy ordered "I brought you here as a request from this beautiful lady over here"

"Meg? Beautiful?" Peter asked, laughing very hard "I don't think these words can be in the same sentence!"

"Shut up, Dad" Meg said with so much hatred "Did you ever look at yourself in a mirror? You call me fat, yet you're 100 times heavier than me! You call me ugly-face, yet your chin looks like testicles! You call me annoying, yet you're beyond that!"

"***whimpering*** okay...I think I'm gonna cry!" Peter said, starting to cry like a baby.

"Meg, how could you be cruel to your father?!" Lois asked "Especially when we're trying to be a better family for you, remember our promise?!"

"***laughing*** promise?" Meg asked, approaching her. "A promise is when you DO it, NOT when you SAY it! And coming from you guys, words are meaningless."

"We're doing our best!" Lois said.

But Meg took out a sword from her leg that was being held by a garter-belt.

"Not good enough!" Meg exclaimed "I want to ask you something, 'mother': when I was still in your womb, did you ever smile when you were expecting me? Did you ever say 'I'm so happy to have a baby'?"

"Meg, stop..." Lois begged.

"Or did you say: 'I'd wish this thing out of my body'?" Meg asked.

"I would never...!"

"DO NOT LIE!" Draggoroy warned "I read your thoughts with my powers. I know you're hiding a dark and terrible secret from your own blood. Why not you just tell her and maybe she'll spare your miserable and pathetic life?"

"Okay! Okay!" Lois agreed, taking a deep breath "I never wanted to tell you this, Meg. I wanted to take it with me to my grave."

"Spit it out!" Meg ordered.

"After marrying your father, I was about to enter to the Olympic Games...until I got pregnant" Lois said "Then...I planned to get an abortion"

Then Meg felt how her heart was breaking into pieces. She always thought her mother hated her, but she never thought she would do something so cruel.

"No..." Meg whispered.

"I was young and stupid, I didn't know what I was doing!" Lois said, trying to justify her actions.

"And just to be clear: it was her idea, not mine" Peter said.

"F*ck you, Peter!" Lois cursed.

"Dear, can you explain what your mother means by 'abortion'?" Draggoroy asked.

"They wanted to kill me before I was born" Meg explained.

"YOU WICKED WITCH!" Draggoroy accused, pointing at Lois "You and your disgusting morbid obese men deserve to suffer!" he turned at Meg "Are you going to let them get away of this?!"

"NO!" Meg answered raising her sword.

"NO, PLEASE, MEG!" Lois begged "YOU'RE ACTING CRAZY!"

"Do you dare to call me 'crazy'...?" Meg asked "I...AM...YOUR QUEEN!"

In slow-mo and fast forward, she decapitated (off-screen) her mother, killing her off. Then she proceed to kill her father.

"You're next, fat bastard" Meg said.

"Please, don't kill me!" Peter begged "I don't hate you, you're my...!"

But Meg impaled her sword on his chest and he died. Then he saved her brother for the last.

"At least tell Amy I love her!" Chris said.

"Of course...NOT!" Meg replied, slicing his head in a half.

After the Griffins were slaughtered by Meg, Draggoroy laughed and clapped with glee.

"Magnificent!" Draggoroy praised "I've never seen such a bloody spectacle since the unicorns' genocide!'

"No...that's not good enough" Meg said "I still have too much anger to take out!"

"Well, that can be fixed" Draggoroy said, using her scepter to revive the Griffins, leaving them as they were before they get killed.

"Oh my god, we're alive!" Lois cheered "I knew Meg would never...!"

Unfortunately, Meg decapitated her again.

"Not again!" Peter said.

Meg continued killing her family while Draggoroy was enjoying the 'bloody show'. The horses, for the other hand, were horrified by this.

"I don't know what's worse: the slaughter or the God King enjoying it" Horse #1 said.

"This is one of these days that I'm lucky for not being a unicorn" Horse #2 said.

Meanwhile, in Eileen's hideout; our heroes were ready for the quest. They were all in their Innerland gears: Eddie's outfit is similar of Matt from Fire Emblem, but in red colors instead of blue and his weapon is a sword. Amy's outfit is a pink metal armor with a skirt over a white silky dress and she carries a bow and arrows. Jackie's outfit is a green metal armor with a yellow cape over a black under-suit and his weapon is an axe. Emily's outfit is similar of Sheik from the Legend of Zelda, but in yellow instead of blue, without the mask and the Sheikah eye symbol and her weapons are two daggers. And finally Ronnie's outfit is a blue monk robe with a hood and his weapon is a crossbow. Eileen raised her wand to officially knight our heroes.

"Ronnie the Helper" Eileen said "You'll carry the items for the team"

"A boy scout never breaks its promise" Ronnie said.

"Emily the Intelligent" Eileen said "I believe your wisdom will be useful for the quest"

"Damn right, I am" Emily said, very cocky.

"Jackie the Protector" Eileen said "Your strength will protect us from the most dangerous enemies"

"Oh yeah, just look at my biceps" Jackie said, showing off his arms, making Eddie to laugh a little "What's so funny?"

"Nothing" Eddie answered.

"Amy the Charismatic" Eileen said "Your positive attitude will cheer the team up"

"ALL RIGHT!" Amy cheered.

"If charismatic means 'joker', I agreed" Emily said, as Amy glared at her.

"And finally: Eddie the Leader" Eileen said "You will lead us in order to save this land"

"This is my chance to show that son-of-a-bitch back home what I'm capable for" Eddie said.

"For now on: you all will be the new Knights of Justice" Eileen said.

"And what you're gonna do?" Jackie asked.

"I will come to guide you in this quest to find the lost rulers" Eileen answered.

"Oh yeah, this is gonna be fun!" Jackie said.

Now they were in a desert, suffering from the heat.

"I HATE HEAT!" Jackie complained "I miss the snow already!"

"Come on, Jackie, you're supposed to be the Protector" Eddie said.

"Are we there yet?" Amy asked.

"I can feel a presence right...here!" Eileen answered as everybody stopped.

"I don't see anything" Amy said.

"It must be underground" Eileen said.

"Ronnie, bring out the shovels" Eddie ordered.

"Yes, sir!" Ronnie said, taking out from a small magic bag 6 shovels.

They were about to dig until...

*WOOOOMP*

Something came out from the ground: a 'conspicuous CG' giant sandworm.

"What is this?!" Eddie asked.

"Be careful, it's a giant sandworm!" Eileen warned.

"Bloody hell, it's more disgusting than...!" Emily screamed.

But the sandworm attacked them as an abrupt transition happened and now we're back with Meg still killing off her family. Draggoroy seemed very bored on his throne.

"Again!" Meg ordered.

"May I tell you something?" Draggoroy asked "The first 3 times were magnificent. But after the 20th time, it's not worth it anymore!"

"ARGH! It's useless!" Meg exclaimed in frustration "I can go on until the end of the world and I'd still be mad at them!"

**(A/E: Besides, I'm under a contact that forbids me to kill off permanently a canon character from the show, at least he or she already died in the show)**

"I have a better punishment for them" Draggoroy said "Turn them into our slaves"

"Hey, that's a great idea" Meg said "I can treat them as they used to treat me in the past!"

"As long we begin to prep for our coronation sooner" Draggoroy said, using his scepter to revive the Griffins.

"Stop...!" Lois begged, feeling tired "All these killings and resurrections are making me sick to my stomach..."

"Really?" Peter asked "I feel my penis bigger every time I resurrect"

"SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!" Meg ordered "I will spare your lives with one condition: you ALL will become my slaves!"

"Slaves?!" Lois asked "You can't do this to your own family!"

"Meg Griffin is gone!" Meg said approaching Draggoroy "For now on, for the rest of my life, I'll be called..." she took Draggoroy's hand, so they can both raise them "GODDESS QUEEN MEGARA!"

They both evilly laughed as the Griffins look on in fear.

**To be continued...**

**(A/E: Phew, that was a long chapter. I'm sure the next one will be long too. I know what you're thinking: 'God, you must hate the show so much as to kill off Meg's family so many times'. No, I don't hate the show anymore (especially after watching the newer SpongeBob episodes that raped my childhood forever) and I know this is not a Family Guy-like story anymore (I thought some silly humor would compensate). But just wait for the next chapter to see what happen next. Also in the special chapters I'll write a 'side chapter', a chapter that sets during the events of this one with Brian, Stewie, Frank, Helena and the rest of the Oldman family. Have a nice day.)**


	35. Game of Kingdoms, part 2

**Chapter 35: Game of Kingdoms, part 2**

_Previously on Family Guy: OC Universe..._

"Let me read you a fantasy book" Helena said, opening the book "It's the story of Innerland, a world inside of ours..."

...

"I can't believe I'm gonna meet more of my boyfriend's relatives!" Meg cheered.

...

"Father, brother, sisters, nephews and niece. I'd like to re-introduce you to my husband...Franklin Walker" Helena said.

"*nervous* Hello, guys" Frank greeted.

*the Oldman gasped*

"You did WHAT?!" Sir William asked, outraged.

...

"This room is off-limits" Albert said.

Amy entered the empty room as Eddie followed her.

"Amy!" Eddie called her as she took off the blanket revealing...a wardrobe.

"An old wardrobe?" Amy asked "That's the thing he wants us to stay away from?"

...

Amy was in Innerland meeting Eileen.

"I am Eileen" the Eileen said.

...

'Five Warriors Outside of Innerland Will Come, So They All Can Overthrow The Evil King And His Throne'" Eileen explained the prophecy.

"That's my brother and cousins!" Amy said, pointing at each warrior.

...

Meg met King Draggoroy.

"Meg...would you like to be...Goddess Princess of Innerland?" Draggoroy asked.

"What?" Meg asked, surprised of the question

"Or better yet...GODDESS QUEEN OF INNERLAND?" Draggoroy asked.

...

Draggoroy used his scepter again to control Meg's mind.

"Let the hatred consume you...you want to make them suffer..." Draggoroy ordered with an evil smile.

"I-want-to-see-them" Meg said with a monotone voice.

"Altimore!" Draggoroy called.

"Yes, your majestic?" Altimore asked.

"I want you to go to the exterior world and find these people" Draggoroy ordered, magically projecting from Meg's mind: the Griffins.

...

Eileen knighted our heroes.

"From now on: you all will be the New Knights of Justice" Eileen said.

...

"I will spare your lives with one condition: you ALL will become my slaves!" Meg daid,

"Slaves?!" Lois asked "You can't do this to your own family!"

"Meg Griffin is gone!" Meg said approaching Draggoroy "From now on, for the rest of my life, I'll be called..." she took Draggoroy's hand, so they can both raise them "GODDESS QUEEN MEGARA!"

They both evilly laughed as the Griffins were staring with fear.

...

The parody of the _Game of Thrones_ opening is shown; Innerland is built including the four frontiers and Draggoroy's Kingdom. Everything happened while Jackie is singing background.

_Jackie:_

_Kingdoms! Game of..._

_Kingdoms! Game of..._

_Kingdoms! Game of..._

_Kingdoms!_

_Jackie:_

_This...is...a game where you risk..._

_Your life_

_(Kingdoms! Game of Kingdoms! Game of Kingdoms!)_

_Jackie:_

_A bloody game...that makes Peter Jackson..._

_Cry!_

_(Kingdoms! Game of Kingdoms! Game of Kingdoms!)_

_Jackie:_

_It's a game!_

_That shouldn't be played!_

_This is not Yu-Gi-Oh!_

_(Kingdoms! Game of Kingdoms! Game of Kingdoms!)_

"Jackie!" Eddie snapped at him.

Our heroes were about to fight the giant sandworm with all his 'computer animated appearance'.

"There's no time to sing, we have a monster to take down!" Eddie said.

The sandworm attacked the girls, but they both quickly dodged it.

"What we're gonna do?!" Ronnie asked to Eddie.

"Let me take of this!" Eddie answered "Hey you!" The sandworm turned at Eddie "David Lynch called! They need you on the set of _Dune_! I can't believe I just said that"

The sandworm attacked Eddie, but he cuts the head off with his sword.

"Heck yeah!" Jackie praised.

"Way to go, bro'!" Amy cheered.

But suddenly, the sandworm's head regenerated.

"God, I hate creatures with regenerating powers" Eddie said "It's like they're cheating!"

"Stop complaining like a bitch!" Emily said, taking out her daggers "Leave this to me"

Emily decided to make a risky move: letting herself be eaten by the sandworm. Then inside of the worm, she found the heart and she stabbed it with one of her daggers. The sandworm seized up like a fat guy having an heart attack and fell to the ground dead. The last thing it did was spitting Emily out, who's covered with the sandworm's slime.

"Yuck!" Emily said, disgusted "At least the beast is dead"

"What the hell was that?" Eddie asked "Eileen, you told us your brother destroyed all the mystical creatures of Innerland!"

"It wasn't a mystical creature" Eileen corrected "It was created by Draggoroy in case somebody is looking for the ruler."

"Don't tell me there will be more..." Ronnie said, a little scared.

"In order to find the lost ruler, you have to defeat the monster" Eileen said.

"But, we already defeated the monster" Jackie said "Nothing is happening..."

But then they felt an earthquake and they found out something was coming out of the sand. Everybody stepped back as a big palace emerged from the sand.

"Is that...?" Eddie asked.

"Princess Ofira's palace!" Eileen answered "I hope she's all right"

Everybody got into the palace where they found a sleeping black-haired woman with a Jewish nose.

"She's sleeping" Eddie said.

"Under Draggoroy's spell" Eileen added "But I can fix that" she used her wand to wake her up.

"Uh, huh...?"

"Princess Ofira..." Eileen said, kneeling to her as our heroes did the same "It's such an honor to have you back-"

"I was having a beautiful dream about unicorns and you have the gall to awake ME?! Princess Ofira asked, very angry and with a child-like voice with a Jewish accent "You better say something important!"

"My brother has taken over Innerland" Eileen said "And these young people are the New Knights of Justice. We need the weapon to stop him. Can you please give us your key?"

"No! I don't want to! It's made of gold and it's mine!" Princess Ofira answered throwing a tantrum "Now go away!"

"Please, Princess" Eileen begged "He destroyed every creature that ever existed: trolls..."

"I don't care" Princess Ofira said,

"Centaurs..."

"Still don't care"

"Unicorns"

"I don't...wait, what?" Princess Ofira asked "Even unicorns?" Eileen just nodded as Ofira cried like a baby "I'll never see a unicorn again!"

"Calm down, princess" Eileen said "All we need it's your key to unlock the weapon and stop Draggoroy. He has the scepter to revive all the creatures including the unicorns"

"***stop crying*** Really?" Princess Ofira asked.

"Trust us, there's still hope" Eileen answered.

"Okay...here!" Princess Ofira threw her key completely made of gold "Do it...for the unicorns"

Our heroes left the castle.

"Wow, I never thought girls love pretty horses so much" Jackie said.

"I know how she feels since I'm a brony" Eddie said.

"Am I the only Oldman who keeps the family's dignity?" Emily asked.

"Oh, me!" Ronnie answered, raising his hand.

"You're adopted, you don't count" Emily said "If it wasn't for us, I bet you would spend the rest of your life planting rice"

***everybody gasps***

"You know what, Emily, you can be mean, you can be cruel!" Amy said "But being racist is crossing the line!"

"Stay out of this, AMELIA" Emily said as Amy got REALLY pissed off and attacked her.

Both girls started a cat fight, at least just pulling each other's hair. Sorry for disappointing you, pervs.

"Girls, please, stop" Eddie gently ordered, but as they didn't listen "ENOUGH!" he used his sword to stab the ground and separate them "We're ALL against Draggoroy, NOT against ourselves! So you better show your best behavior!"

"Oh, so you're the leader now?" Emily asked.

"Don't tempt me, Emily" Eddie said with authority.

"Face it: you don't have the guts to be one" Emily said "I should be the leader! I came from a magnificent family! You? Your father is a pity drunk and your mother has Stockholm Syndrome"

Eddie raised his hand to slap her...

_Do it…slap her for the bitch she is…_

Eddie glanced to his side to see a vision of Axel…in Emperor Palpatine's outfit.

"Axel? What are you doing in my head…and when did you become Ian McDiarmid?" Eddie asked in his head.

"I'm not Axel…at least, not the one currently having an orgy with top models right now. I'm a figment of your mind created by your desire to become a man like me." Fake Axel explained.

"And the outfit?" Eddie challenged.

"Oh, I took a wrong turn into the part of your mind that keeps a list of your favorite movies…" Axel shrugged, "But back to the bitch at hand…you need to put that broad in her place! Give her one big slap on her face…or her ass…whichever comes first."

"Ew, gross! That's my cousin!" Eddie grimaced.

"Hey, I hear rough sex is the way to go in setting bitches straight. I don't know why I try that with Connie." Axel laughed.

"Well-wait, when do you have sexual feelings for Connie? You hate her!"

"I do…but you seem to have a little tidbit about her in your 'sexual fantasies' section…looks like you have a thing for popular girls…"

"Okay, get out of my head, you're not helping!" Eddie asked…but Axel remained, "Well, begone!"

"Doesn't work that way, but since you aren't going to play ball, I might had well check out the rest of your brain. Farewell!" Axel waved, as he 'poofed' out.

Eddie managed to control himself, as he brought his hand down.

"You see, you don't have the guts." Emily sneered.

Eddie stifled a growl.

_Slap her ass..._

Eddie glared at the vision of Axel whispering in his ear.

"Sorry, I leave you alone now." Axel apologized as he vanished again.

"We need to continue on our way." Eileen said.

"This was scarier than that bear I met in the forest" Ronnie said.

**Flashback**

Ronnie was in the forest until he met Tim the Bear, who was trying to take a dump.

"Don't tell my family I was here" Tim said.

**Flashback's end**

Meanwhile, in Draggoroy's castle; Draggoroy forced the Griffins (who are now wearing gray slave clothing) cleaning every part of the castle.

"This is HORRIBLE!" Chris complained.

"I can't believe we're Meg's slaves!" Peter said.

"Can you blame her, Peter?" Lois asked.

"Uh, DUH!" Peter answered.

"Well, I don't" Lois replied "First off: we suck on keeping our promises"

"And second?" Chris asked.

"Her mind must be controlled by that bratty young king" Lois said "Didn't you notice her pupils? They were purple like the orb of the young king's scepter."

"So...he did what Marik does to his victims in _Yu-Gi-Oh_!?" Chris asked.

**Cutaway**

Marik was using his Millennium Rod on his Rare Hunters.

"All of you! Go find Yugi and his friends!" Marik ordered as the male Rare Hunters went to find them. He turned to his female Rare Hunters "Ladies...take off your clothes!" the ladies took off their clothes to their underwear "Good. Blondie, make out with the Brunette" they started making out "Oh yeah...It's a shame 4Kids has to delete this scene."

**Cutaway's end**

"Then what are we waiting for?" Peter asked "Let's take his scepter and free Meg!"

"No!" Lois said "We must continue be their slaves! WE deserved it!"

"Aw, come on!" Peter complained "Don't you miss our home? Our friends?"

"To be honest, Bonnie is a bitch" Lois answered.

"Stewie?" Chris asked.

"Oh my god, STEWIE!" Lois screamed "I completely forgot him! He must be alone and scared!"

Flashback

Stewie was in his bed, snoring while he was having a dream where he pretended stabbing somebody.

"Die...Lois...die..." Stewie said, asleep "Hmm...I love the taste of your blood...oh, hello, Liam Hemsworth"

Flashback's end

"We must beg Meg to let us go, so I can go back to Stewie!" Lois said.

"You know, I watched an episode of our show where you said to him: ***imitating Lois's voice*** 'Screw you, you little turd!'" Chris explained.

"Don't be silly, Chris" Lois said, skeptical "And I don't talk like that!"

Meanwhile, in the Southern Frontier (a forest); our heroes continued looking for the next ruler. But they decided to set up a camp, so they can sleep for the night. Eddie, Jackie and Ronnie were sleeping in one tent, Amy and Eileen were in another tent and Emily had a tent just for herself since she refuses to sleep with Amy.

"Can I ask you something, guys?" Ronnie asked "Why do Amy and Emily hate each other so much?"

"Well, I guess you should know…" Eddie said "There was a time when Amy and Emily were friends..."

**Flashback**

_When I was in the juvenile hall, she and my Mom went to England where Amy studied in a boarding school. This is where she and Emily became friends._

A 6 years old Amy was in a boarding school, wearing a uniform. She was too shy to get along with the other girls, but Emily was the exception.

"Do you want to play together?" little Emily asked.

"Ah...sure!" little Amy answered.

_They were like sisters, always having each others' backs._

We see both girls jumping the rope, swinging and even Emily puts her a brand-aid on her knee when she got hurt.

"We'll always be friends, Amy?" little Emily asked.

"Best friends!" little Amy answered.

They did their friendship salute:

_Amy and Emily:_

_Sparkles! Sparkles!_

_Sunshine! Sunshine!_

_Lady bugs please make us SMILE!_

They lay on the ground while they laugh.

**Flashback's end**

"It was so wonderful!" Eddie said "Amy was very shy and lonely, but thanks to her friendship with Emily, she became the cheerful girl we know and love"

"But then what happened?" Ronnie asked.

"Well, any piece of art will be criticized by some snobbish jackass" Jackie said.

"What he means, it's that our uncle Jeremy wasn't pleased with that friendship" Eddie said.

**Flashback**

Jeremy was scolding his daughter.

"But she's my friend, Daddy!" little Emily said.

"No, she's your cousin and I forbid you to see her again!" Jeremy said "I won't let my sister, a failure of a mother and wife, to let her children corrupt mine!"

**Flashback's end**

"After that, Emily did her best to please her father and that includes hurting Amy's feelings" Jackie said.

"I don't like this story..." Ronnie said in a sad tone.

"There's no bad teammates, just bad leaders" Jackie said "If a leader fails, everybody fails"

Jackie's words affected Eddie so much that he stood up to leave the tent.

"Excuse me, I'm gonna take a walk" Eddie said, going outside.

Eddie was walking around with a confused mind. Doubting about his own leadership. Suddenly, he found a well full of mystical water. He felt a little thirsty, so he was about to grab some until...

_Do not touch the water!_

Eddie heard the voice and looked around to find the owner. And he found an old lady that looks like a ghost.

"It's a well to see the future" the ghost old lady said "Sometimes it's better off leaving what life is planning for us a mystery"

"Who are you?" Eddie asked.

"Don't you remember me? Eddie?" the ghost old lady asked "I'm Annabeth. Your grandmother"

"Grandma Annabeth?!" Eddie asked, surprised "I thought you were dead!"

"I am...I'm her spirit" Annabeth said "You see..."

**Flashback**

Like watching a painting, we see Annabeth dying on a hospital bed. There's also Sir William James praying to the stars.

Your grandfather was so heartbroken, that he wished for the stars to turn my soul into a spirit to guide our children and grandchildren.

**Flashback's end**

"But, why a spirit in this fantasy world?" Eddie asked.

"I was his inspiration" Annabeth answered "I had the hope the prophecy would be true and see if you become the leader of the New Knights of Justice to overthrow the spoiled and tyrant king"

"Well, I think this clichéd and overdone prophecy is wrong about me" Eddie said "I suck at being the leader"

"You just need to follow your heart and never give up" Annabeth said

"Can I take JUST a little look at the well?" Eddie asked "Please..."

"...okay, but just for a second" Annabeth said.

Eddie slowly touched the water and then...

***ROAR***

He saw a flames everywhere and an evil creature eye similar of Sauron from _Lord of the Rings._

"AH!" Eddie screamed as he stopped touching the water.

"What did you see?" Annabeth asked.

"I don't know, it wasn't clear" Eddie answered "But I have the feeling that I shouldn't give up and keep fighting"

"I'd wish I still had my body...so I can embrace you"

Eddie tried to hug her, but since she was a ghost, she disappeared.

"Grandma..." Eddie whispered.

Next day; our heroes were packing up their stuff to continue their way.

"Guys, last night I was taking a walk and...I saw our grandmother" Eddie said.

"WHAT?!" everybody asked.

"I know it sounds crazy, but I know I saw her" Eddie replied "I found a well that allows you to see the future and then I saw her...at least her spirit"

"Okay, I think you officially became mad!" Emily said.

"I don't think so" Eileen said "Sometimes, when they were unable to sleep during the night, the Knights of Justice could see the spirits of the people they knew and loved. Families, lovers and even close friends"

"Well, looks like even if I die, Emily would be unable see me!" Amy said.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Emily asked.

"Not again" Jackie complained.

"Because we're not friends, remember?" Amy asked "All because of your stick-in-the-mud father!"

"Do not involve my father on this!" Emily warned "He knows what it's best for me!"

"Oh yeah, just like Jackie's dad who dumped auntie Anastasia for supermodels half his age!" Amy said.

"That's true" Jackie said "I couldn't agree any more"

"You will pay for your...!" but then she was attacked by a savage white mandrills with sharp teeth "AAAAAAHHHHHH!"

***mandrill roars***

Our heroes took out their weapons. Amy shot an arrow at the mandrill, killing it at the instant.

"What the hell was that?!" Eddie asked.

"More Draggoroy's creatures, this time White Mandrills" Eileen answered "But...I don't understand. They usually are in..." then she looked around and they were surrounded by dozens of White Mandrills "...packs"

"All right, guys, if we work together we can take them down" Eddie said "Ronnie, is there a rope in your bag?"

"Let me see..." Ronnie answered, but he realized the bag was gone "Oh, poop…" They realized it was taken by one of the mandrills.

"Plan B, genius?" Emily asked.

Eddie just looked at one of the mandrills and he imagined Axel's face on it.

"Hey, Wimpy Walker!" 'Axel' called.

"Axel?" Eddie asked.

"***sarcastically*** No, I'm Rafiki from _the Lion King_" Axel answered "Are you ready to put your pants on and be a man or keep your panties on and be a sissy girl?!"

"What are you doing now?!" Eddie demanded.

"The only way you are going to survive is to go Patrick Bateman on their asses…however, since you lack my bloodlust and high levels of badassery, I have to get you angry like the Hulk."

"And you will do that…how?"

"Simple. Imagine me f*cking your mom's mouth to a point where I break her jaw." Axel stated simply.

Eddie's mind snapped like a violin string.

"***growl*** I have one: LET'S KICK THEIR NAKED ASS!" Eddie exclaimed.

They charged at the mandrill, as a vision of Axel smiled.

Everybody decided to attack with their respective weapons while Eileen used her magic to protect herself. Eddie was slashing them with his sword, Amy was shooting arrows, Emily was slashing them with her daggers and Ronnie was shooting arrows with his crossbow. Three mandrills were about to attack Emily and Amy until Jackie used his axe to slice them like watermelons.

"Thanks, Jackie!" Amy thanked.

"They don't call me 'the Protector' for nothing!" Jackie said.

Finally, some of the mandrills retreated.

"They surrendered" Eddie said.

"That's right, if you mess with my family, you mess with me!" Amy said as she turned at Emily "Are you okay?"

"Y-You...saved me from that disgusting primate" Emily said.

"So?" Amy asked.

"I thought you hate me since I treated you like garbage!" Emily answered.

"Just because you're so mean to me doesn't mean I have to be mean to you" Amy said "Amy Walker's #1 rule: always help a person who needs help, not matter how kind or how mean that person is!"

"But that doesn't make sense!" Emily said.

"When it's about family, it doesn't matter if it makes sense" Eddie replied.

"The point is, we got rid of those monkeys" Jackie said "Now, where's the boss with the key?"

Suddenly, a stone statue of a man came out from the ground.

"Who is it?" Eddie asked.

"Chief Matoskah" Eileen answered "Ruler of the Southern Frontier"

"What the devil happened to him?" Emily asked.

"Draggoroy must have turned him into stone" Eileen answered taking out her wand and used his magic to turn him back to normal. He looks like Dhalsim from Street Fighter, except he has black long hair and a white bandana.

"Uh...where am I?" Chief Matoskah asked "Princess Eileen?"

"Chief Matoskah" Eileen said, kneeling, "King Draggoroy has taken Innerland and..."

"My people!" Chief Matoskah exclaimed, looking around "What happened to my people?!"

"King Draggoroy did this" Eileen answered "He killed not just the mystical creatures, but the people who stood against him...including your village"

"No...I failed to protect my village..." Chief Matoskah said, in vain.

"But there's hope" Eileen said "I summoned the New Knights of Justice to overthrow him. But we need your key to unlock the ultimate weapon"

"Here" Chief Matoskah said, giving them his key that looks like an eagle totem "Do it...for my people"

"Let's keep moving, we're only halfway..." Eddie said.

Meanwhile, in King Draggoroy's castle; the Griffins went to Meg and Draggoroy.

"Oh, what does the excuse of a family want from their beloved and powerful daughter?" Meg asked, with a very arrogant tone.

"Meg..."

"GODDESS QUEEN MEGARA, YOU C*NT!" Draggoroy demanded.

"We beg you to send us back home!" Lois said.

"***laughing*** what part of 'being my slaves for all eternity' didn't you understand?" Meg asked.

"But your baby brother Stewie...!" Lois said.

"If my queen says 'no', it's NO!" King Draggoroy shouted "Now...are you hungry?"

"Oh, yes!" Peter answered "I want orange juice, scrambled eggs, three bacon strips, four blueberry pancakes..."

But King Draggoroy summoned three elephants and three giant bowls in front of the Griffins.

"Wow, are we gonna eat 'elephant' for breakfast?" Chris asked.

"Oh...even better" King Draggoroy answered with an evil smile "Turn around!"

The elephants turned around and they started to...

"Oh no...does that mean we're gonna eat their...?!" Lois asked, horrified and disgusted at the same time.

"FEED THEM, MY BEAUTIFUL GIANTS!" King Draggoroy exclaimed, being hammily over-the-top "FEEEEEEEED THEEEEEEM!"

**(A/E: Oh my god, he must be zapped by the Raimi Ray!)**

**Commercial**

Bruce Campbell was promoting a product.

"Hello, I'm Bruce Freaking Campbell!" Bruce Campbell greeted "And I present you the Raimi Ray! A ray gun that the director Sam Raimi uses to make any subtle actor going over-the-top as much as possible!

A live action footage of _Spider-Man_ is shown where Norman Osborn was talking to his son Harry.

_Remember Willem Dafoe in Spider-Man?_

"You want me to trade in my care for a Jetta just because you flunked out of every private school I ever sent you to?" Norman asked.

***ZAP***

"ZAP! RAIMI RAY!" Bruce Campbell exclaimed, shooting the ray gun.

The scene where the Green Goblen terrorizes Aunt May is shown.

"Finish it!" Green Goblin demanded "FINISH IT!"

"FROM EVIL...!" Aunt May screamed.

Then a scene of Spider-Man 3 is shown where Peter wanted to talk to Harry about what really happened to his father.

Remember how cold-hearted James Franco was in Spider-Man 3?

"Tell it to my father" Harry said, in a cold-heated tone "Raise him from the dead"

***ZAP***

"ZAP! RAIMI RAY!" Bruce Campbell exclaimed, shooting the ray gun again.

The first fight between Peter and Harry, AKA the New Goblin is shown.

"He was trying to kill me" Peter said "He killed himself"

"SHUT UUUUUUUP!" Harry shouted, tearing up a piece of building.

And finally a scene from _Oz the Great and Powerful_ where Oscar and Theodora were in a cave.

_And course, how can we forget Mila Kunis's performance in Oz the Great and Powerful?_

"You were afraid?" Oscar asked.

"Yes, that something might happen to you" Theodora answered.

"Oh, you're such a nice lady! Little bit of Raimi Ray!" Bruce Campbell exclaimed, shooting the ray gun again...again.

***ZAP***

The climax of the movie is shown.

"I DEFY YOUUUUU!" Theodora shouted as she threw one of her fireballs.

"The Raimi Ray! Why would you need subtlety when you can have a LARGE HAM?!" Bruce Campbell said.

Suddenly the demonic goat from _Drag Me to Hell_ appeared.

"BUY IT OR I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL!" The demonic goat shouted.

"Eat this!" Bruce Campbell exclaimed, shooting at it with his shotgun "Groovy..."

**Warning: the Raimi Ray may causes seizures, vomit, diarrhea and the inability to act like a normal human being.**

**Commercial's end**

Our heroes are now in the Eastern Frontier, which is...a bamboo forest.

"I admit this is a pretty place" Ronnie said "I feel as if my ancestors were here."

"I don't wanna sound racist, but I'm suspecting each frontier has a different kind of people similar to our world" Eddie said.

"What do you mean?" Jackie asked.

"Princess Ofira looks like a Jewish person and Chief Matoskah looks like a Native American." Eddie answered "So, I assume this Frontier has an Asian culture"

"It's not a coincidence" Eileen said "Innerland is basically an alternate reality of your world if magic exists. Because of this, our time in this world is faster than yours"

"One hour in this world is a minute in our world?" Amy asked.

"Exactly" Eileen answered "No matter how old you get, if you come back to the exterior world, you will recover your youth"

"Wow...that's..." Eddie said.

Imaginary Axel appeared aside Eddie, "Just like the ending of _Chronicles of Narnia_. We are shameless when it comes to parodies, aren't we?"

"This is Family Guy, isn't it? Parodies are kinda our thing." Eddie shrugged in his head.

Suddenly a giant panda appeared in front of the heroes. It had red eyes and a scarred face. It also wears a red and golden Chinese robe.

***ROAR***

"AH!" Emily screamed "A PANDA BEAR!"

"Oh, I love pandas!" Amy said.

"Sis', this isn't exactly a GOOD panda" Eddie said.

"Don't worry, guys, as 'the Protector', I'll protect-!" Jackie said, raising his axe, but the giant panda slapped the weapon out of Jackie's hands.

***ROAR***

The giant panda attacked with a kung fu move, kicking Jackie and crashing against a tree.

"Jackie!" Eddie shouted as he turned to the giant panda.

"All right, mean _Kung Fu Panda_, you want a martial art fight?" Amy asked, doing a karate stand "Fight me then!"

"Me too!" Emily said, doing a karate stand too.

"Me three!" Ronnie said, also doing a kung fu stand.

The three fought against the giant panda, attacking him with several combos. Unfortunately, the giant panda was fast enough to counterattack. The three seemed tired.

"He's too strong!" Ronnie said.

"Any ideas?" Emily asked.

"Hmm...GOT IT!" Amy answered "Ronnie, do you have a helmet inside your magic bag?"

"Yeah!" Ronnie answered, taking out a medieval helmet.

"Put it on!" Amy ordered.

"What are you thinking?" Emily asked.

"First: I'm gonna toss Ronnie up in the air" Amy explained her plan "Then I'm gonna toss you too. And finally: you kick Ronnie hard enough towards the panda like a human bullet!"

"You have the maddest ideas" Emily said.

"I'm ready!" Ronnie said with the helmet on.

"Come on, step on my hands!" Amy told.

Ronnie stepped on Amy's hands as she used her incredibly strength to toss Ronnie so hard, up in the air. Then she did the same with Emily as she kicked Ronnie like a soccer ball towards the giant panda.

***POW***

The panda got hit by Ronnie, putting him in a daze as he goes down for the count.

"Are you all right, Ronnie?!" Amy asked,

"Whoa...I'm...fine" Ronnie answered, a little dizzy.

"Is he dead?" Jackie asked.

"Let me check his pulse" Eddie answered, stabbing the panda's head with his sword "No pulse"

"That was pretty brutal, dude" Jackie commented.

"He was trying to kill us" Eddie replied.

"Well done, young grasshopper…" Axel complimented…though he looked Asian. He noticed his looks, "Curse that confounded Mortal Kombat movie!"

Suddenly a golden Chinese palace came up from under the ground. They went into the palace where they found the ruler: a midget Asian emperor. He, for some reason, was laughing and moving hands like he was touching something.

"Emperor Ching..." Eileen said.

"What the devil is wrong with him?" Emily asked.

"He's under one of Draggoroy's illusion spells" Eileen answered "Emperor Ching is known to have a peculiar addiction"

"What kind of addiction?" Eddie asked.

"***laughing*** Boobies...!" Emperor Ching said as he imagined dozens of beautiful girls in skimpy outfits.

"Oh good, a perverted old man" Eddie complained.

"Hey, watch it. 70% of my elders were perverted old men." Axel threatened.

"You know, we can really do without your commentary." Eddie frowned.

"So, he's the Asian version of my father…great…" Jackie rolled his eyes.

"Please, wake up, Emperor Ching" Eileen said, waving her wand to wake him up.

"Oh, boob-huh?" Emperor Ching asked, waking up "What the...?"

"Emperor Ching..." Eileen bowed "It's an honor to be in your..."

"What happened to my boobie girls?!" Emperor Ching asked.

"King Draggoroy, he did..." Eileen answered.

"Yeah, yeah, just give us the bloody key" Emily demanded.

"NO!" Emperor Ching said "I want to see boobies first!"

"Emperor, this is not the right time to sate your desires!" Eileen said "Innerland is in danger!"

"No boobie! No Key!" Emperor Ching said.

"Big brother, don't tell Mom and Dad about this" Amy said walking to Emperor Ching.

"Amy, what are you doing?" Eddie asked.

"Don't tell Chris about this neither" Amy answered, taking off her breastplate revealing her silky dress "And Jackie, cover Ronnie's eyes"

"Okay!" Jackie agreed, covering Ronnie's eyes.

"I hope they're good enough for you" Amy said, pulling down her dress to show her breasts to Emperor Ching.

"OOOOOOOOHHHHH!" Emperor Ching said with wide-eyes "HERE'S MY KEY!"

He threw his key that looks like a panda to a shocked Eddie for seeing his OWN LITTLE SISTER doing that.

"Holy sh*t…your sis got decent sized knockers. Not as big as Raine, but Chris is one lucky bastard." Axel smirked.

Eddie didn't even dignify that with an response.

"You used to watch _Sesame Street_..." Eddie whispered, still shocked.

"I don't know, _Sesame Street_ wasn't the same since they released their newest video game" Jackie replied.

**Cutaway**

Elmo was beating up Big Bird, who's dressed as a hooker.

"Where's my money, bitch?!" Elmo asked.

"I don't know, ask Bern and Ernie!" Big Bird answered as Elmo blew his head off.

"One dead body!" Count von Dracula exclaimed "Ha! Ha! Ha!"

Then Elmo went to a dirty apartment where he found Bern and Ernie having sex.

"Where's my f*cking money?!" Elmo asked.

"What the hell?!" Bern asked as his head was shot and died.

"Two and three dead bodies!" Count von Dracula exclaimed "Ha! Ha! Ha!"

Then he found Cookie Monster, who was getting high with cookie dough.

"So, that was YOU who was spending my money!" Elmo said as he blew his head off.

"Four..." then Elmo shot at Count von Dracula.

"Damn, I need a ride!" Elmo said as he stole Cookie Monster's car to drive away.

**Grand Thief Elmo**

**Rated 'E' for 'Elmo-Haters'**

**(A/E: Sorry people if I ruined your childhood)**

**Cutaway's end**

Meanwhile, in King Draggoroy's castle; he and Meg were enjoying their luxurious meal.

"Hmm! This is the best food I've ever eat!" Meg said, eating a chicken leg.

"But do not eat too much, dear" Draggoroy "I want you to look radiant for your coronation!"

"Your highness!" Altimore called.

"What do you want, Altimore?!" King Draggoroy asked "Don't you see I'm eating with my future wife?!"

"I do, my lord" Altimore answered "But you have to see this!"

He took out a crystal orb that showed our heroes on their way to the fourth and final key.

"Who are they?" King Draggoroy asked "And why is my traitor sister with them?"

"It seems that she knighted them as the New Knights of Justice" Altimore answered "They're looking for the rulers to give them their keys. They already possessed three of the four keys to open your father's temple"

"I see...Altimore, why did my father trust you?" King Draggoroy asked.

"Because I swore to obey him" Altimore answered.

"And you think you are doing a good job?" King Draggoroy asked.

"Well, I do not mean to show off..."

"Then WHY DID YOU WAIT UNTIL THEY ONLY NEEDED ONE MORE KEY TO GET THE WEAPON TO DESTROY ME?!" King Draggoroy asked using his scepter to levitate Altimore. Even Meg, despite being mind-controlled, was scared by King Draggoroy's anger.

"I underestimated them!" Altimore screamed with fear "I thought they had what they call 'beginner's luck'!"

"***darkly*** Go find them and KILL THEM!" King Draggoroy ordered, throwing Altimore hard against a wall "If you fail me, I will turn you into a statue to spout water for my cutie duckies!"

"Cute duckies?" Meg asked.

"Bloody hell, I revealed one of my secrets!" King Draggoroy cursed "Nevertheless, GO!"

Altimore stood up and left the castle to find our heroes.

"***sigh*** It's hard to trust your own servants, isn't it?" King Draggoroy asked.

"Yeah..." Meg answered as the 'mind-controlling power' was starting to wear off.

Meanwhile, in the Northern Frontier, which is a snowy land; our heroes were trekking through a terrible blizzard.

"Why did we choose the hardest place to find the final ruler?!" Jackie asked.

"If I don't complain, why should you?!" Emily asked.

"We're getting close!" Eileen answered "Keep moving!"

Suddenly, the blizzard just stopped.

"Huh?" Amy asked "It disappeared"

"Usually blizzards last much longer" Ronnie answered.

Then Altimore appeared in front of our heroes.

"Hello, New Knights of Justice" Altimore greeted.

"Are you the tyrant king?!" Eddie asked, taking out his sword.

"No, he's Altimore" Eileen said "Our family's noblest counselor until King Draggoroy brainwashed him"

"Let's just say he made me see 'the light'" Altimore said "He and his future queen will rule Innerland for a long time!"

"Future queen?" Eileen asked.

"An ugly face young girl whose family was enslaved" Altimore answered "Two morbidly obese men and..." he took out the pair of Lois's panties he stole from the last chapter "...a beautiful woman with the most exotic scent I've ever smelled in my life"

"Wait...that's Meg and her family!" Eddie said.

"Oh my god, they got Chris too?!" Amy asked.

"Why the hell he has women's underwear with him?" Jackie asked "Is that his fetish? Because, to be fair, I have something with Jillian's bras too"

"Silence!" Altimore demanded "If you want the final key, you have to face off against me and this beast!"

He summoned a four-legged beast made of ice from the snow. Just like the sandworm, it's also CGI.

***ROAR***

"Oh no, a Frost Giant!" Eileen exclaimed.

"And just like the sandworm, made of disgusting CGI" Eddie said.

"What does he do?" Jackie asked.

The Frost Giant charged energy from his mouth and then...

***BLAST***

An ice blast came out from his mouth and our heroes dodged it.

"Did you have to ask?" Emily asked.

"What's the plan?" Amy asked.

"Ronnie, is there a wire in there?" Eddie asked.

Ronnie took a look at the magic bag and he found a chain.

"There's only a chain" Ronnie said.

"Perfect!" Eddie praised.

"What's your brilliant plan?" Emily asked.

"Guys, it's a four-legged beast and we're in a snow land" Eddie said as he winked his left eye.

"* **amazed*** OH...I don't get it" Ronnie said, confused.

"He means..." Jackie said, whispering Eddie's plan into Ronnie's ear.

"Oh, right...! I still don't get it" Ronnie said.

"Just follow our lead!" Amy said.

"Amy, I need you to throw me to the beast's back where Altimore is" Eddie ordered.

Amy nodded as she prepared her hands, so he can step on them and she pushed him up in the air. He landed on the Frost Giant's back to face off Altimore.

"It's an honor to meet the leader of the New Knights of Justice" Altimore said "We should fight like gentlemen"

"Well, before we fight, I have to admit you have a cool voice" Eddie said "You sound like Commissioner Gordon from the Dark Knight and Lord Shen from Kung Fu Panda 2"

"I have no idea what you are talking about, though I would like to meet that Lord Shen you speak of." Altimore said, taking out his sword "But my king will be pleased to be presented with your head"

"You have to cut it off me first!" Eddie said, taking out his sword.

"Ooh, you're taking charge. I like it." Axel smiled, appearing as a vision once more, "And I didn't need to tell you-"

"WOULD YOU STOP PLAYING OBI-WAN KENOBI?!" Eddie shouted.

"Have at you!" Altimore taunted.

"EN GRADE!" They both exclaimed as they clashed against each other.

Meanwhile, in the castle; King Draggoroy and Meg were watching the fight through the crystal ball.

"You better not fail, Altimore" King Draggoroy said.

Meg saw the duel between Eddie and Altimore; how they both were crashing their blades against each other. But when Eddie tripped and his face was shown. Meg suddenly snapped out of it at the moment she saw Eddie's face.

"Eddie, be careful!" Meg screamed, turning back to normal.

"My beauty, what is going on?" King Draggoroy asked.

Meg looked around and saw everything.

"Am I still in this castle?" Meg asked until she saw her family washing their mouths "Mom! Dad! Chris!"

"Yes, Me-I MEAN, Goddess Queen Megara?" Lois asked.

"Goddess Queen Megara?" Meg asked "Who told you to call me with that stupid name?"

"It was you, my beautiful future wife queen" King Draggoroy answered, kissing Meg's hand.

"Eek! Get away from me!" Meg demanded, disgusted "I have a boyfriend, you know?!"

"What did you say?!" King Draggoroy asked "You cannot treat your husband king like that! Only our slaves are treated like that!"

"Slaves?" Meg asked, looking at her family wearing the slaves outfits "Did I do this?"

"NO!" Lois said, nervous "You were just doing the right thing"

"God, would you shut up?! We been punished enough in this fic already!" Chris groaned.

"Yeah, you didn't get mind-controlled by that psycho king" Peter said.

"PETER!" Lois scolded.

"You did WHAT?!" Meg asked, turning to King Draggoroy.

"But dear, I gave you everything you wanted" King Draggoroy said "The only thing I ask you is you to be my wife"

"No-freaking-way!" Meg said "And Eddie is the only one who can call me 'dear'! Come on, guys! Let's find my friends and get the hell out of here!"

"Oh no, YOU WON'T!" King Draggoroy said, raising his scepter to levitate her "*darkly* You will pay for your insolence..."

Eddie kept fighting, but despite his swordsmanship, he found himself on the ground...or rather the beast's back.

"You fought well, Knight of Justice" Altimore said "But alone, you cannot defeat me and take this beast down"

"Alone, sure" Eddie said "But with help..."

Altimore looked down and he realized the Frost Giant was getting his legs' tangled in chains by the team until it was finally took down.

"**_STAAAAAR WAAAAAAARS_**!" The Frost Giant roared in agony, as he fell to the ground.

The beast's fall knocks off Eddie and Altimore. Eddie landed on the soft snow, while Altimore misses it…by dropping off the cliff, meeting his doom.

"Bro, we did it!" Amy cheered.

"You all did it, my brave warriors!" Eileen praised "Now, may the last ruler should be revealed"

A frozen person came out from the snow; it was an old lady wearing a Norwegian-style green-blue winter dress with pink tulips.

"Queen Florasven" Eileen said, using her wand to melt her down.

"Oh...what happened to me?" Queen Florasven asked with a Norwegian accent "Milady, it's so good to see you again"

"Queen Florasven-"

"Blah, blah, blah, tyrant ruler, blah, blah, blah, we're here to save everyone, blah, blah, blah, give us your key" Emily said.

"Oh, okay" Queen Florasven said, giving them the final key, which it looks like a tulip.

"We did it, guys!" Eddie said "We have the four keys!"

Suddenly, the four keys started to shine and they transported our heroes to an empty black space until a light revealed a golden door with four locks in front of them.

"This is it, brave warriors" Eileen said "The previous king's temple where resides the weapon to stop Draggoroy.

Amy, Emily, Jackie and Ronnie inserted the keys and the door was opened. It revealed an empty room with sunlight illuminating a golden sword with a red dragon head-shape sword handle lying on a pedestal.

"This is the Sword of the Flaming Dragon" Eileen said "It was formerly wielded by the previous king when he was killed by the dragon. Only a warrior with a heart as strong as the gold that surrounds it can own it. That warrior is you, Eddie"

"Me?" Eddie asked "Look, I wanna show Axel I can be a strong guy, but..."

"No, 'buts', big brother!" Amy said "You wanna save your girlfriend and her family?! Then go ahead and take that sword!"

"Yeah, man, don't be a pansy!" Imaginary Axel declared.

"Okay, okay!" Eddie agreed "Geez..."

He looked at it carefully and he slowly grabbed the sword. Suddenly the sword started to shine as his body was covered by an aura. When the aura was ceased, his outfit was changed: he was wearing a red armor that looks like Hermos's from _Yu-Gi-Oh!_ (Orichalcos Saga or Season 4) in his human form, except the helmet looks like a dragon head.

**(A/E: Wow, I've been doing a lot of Yu-Gi-Oh! references in this chapter)**

"I wonder how many people remembers season 4?" Imaginary Axel mused.

"Shut up, imaginary Axel." Eddie grunted.

"Whooooaaaaa..." Ronnie said, amazed.

"I cannot believe it..." Emily said.

"This is the coolest armor I've ever seen in my life!" Jackie exclaimed.

"Yeah, I actually look like an Anime character" Eddie said "Ha! Now I can make Axel not only jealous, but making him piss his pants!"

"Unlikely. It would have to take a lot more than that to make me wet my pants!" Imaginary Axel grunted.

"Oh, no?" Eddie smirked, "You are in my head…"

Axel's eyes widened, "Oh crap…"

Imaginary Axel disappeared in flash.

"That should shut him up for now." Eddie smiled.

"Remember: use the power of this sword to relieve him of his dark scepter" Eileen explained "It's his power source. Without it, he's defenseless"

"Okay, easy enough" Eddie said.

"Do NOT underestimate him" Eileen warned "He shows no mercy towards anyone who stands against him..."

Meanwhile, in the king's castle; King Draggoroy pushed Meg away.

"I thought you were the queen I was looking for!" King Draggoroy said "But you turned out to be an ungrateful bitch!"

"Okay, I'm done being the damsel in distress!" Meg said, ripping off some of her dress (revealing a little of her bloomers) for more movement and unsheathing her sword "You're going down!"

"Oh my god, Meg is gonna kick some ass!" Peter said, excited.

Meg charges towards King Draggoroy, but he used his scepter to protect himself and pushed Meg away.

"Goddamn it!" Meg cursed.

"And she got her ass kicked..." Peter said, disappointed.

"You actually thought you could take a fight against a GOD KING?!" King Draggoroy laughed, "You don't even know my backstory..."

"We don't really care" Peter said.

"All my life..." King Draggoroy said.

**Flashback**

We see a young Draggoroy training hard with a wooden sword as the previous king was watching him.

_I've been dreaming about the day I would become the next king of Innerland. But the imposter king, who's also my traitor sister's father, never saw my full potential. Of course he didn't! He wasn't my real father and he never will be!_

Then we see the young Draggoroy begging for help from some mysterious elves. They helped him seal his parents, the king and the queen, away into a big green crystal while his half sister ran away.

_But then I met them: the most powerful creatures of Innerland, who trusted me with their almighty scepter. With it, I became unstoppable and I ruled Innerland under my terms!_

**Flashback's end**

"Look, I understand what you're feeling, I TRULY do" Meg said, making her family feel ashamed "But trust me when I say: being mad at your parents forever doesn't make you a better person"

Suddenly, the crystal ball was dropped from Draggoroy's pockets and it was activated: it shows our heroes with Eddie holding the sword like a true warrior.

"No...NOOOOOOO!" King Draggoroy screamed of anger "WHO THE DEVIL IS THAT TWAT HOLDING THE SWORD OF THE FLAMING DRAGON?!"

"That 'twat' is my boyfriend!" Meg said with a satisfied smile "In other words: you're in BIG trouble!"

King Draggoroy, having enough of Meg's cockiness, used his scepter to capture Meg in a golden cage.

"Don't you want to be a princess?" King Draggoroy asked "Then you will be the princess in distress!"

"Uh...look it at the bright side, Meg!" Lois said, trying to make her feel better "Princesses sell better!"

**Commecial**

It shows a doll of 'Princess Meg' along with the the golden cage.

_You can have the Princess Meg doll for just $19.99! (The golden cage is sold by separately)_

**Commercial's end**

Meanwhile, our heroes were in the village where King Draggoroy's castle is. The townspeople were mind-controlled zombies working hard as slaves.

"Oh my god, did King Draggoroy turned these people into zombies?" Eddie asked.

"Ah, no duh." Imaginary Axel sighed.

"He doesn't care about the people, he just want them to give him good stuff" Eileen answered.

"I'd hate to be a slave" Ronnie said.

"We don't have much time" Eileen said "Let's go to the castle.

They reached the castle, ready to stand against him.

"Okay, this is it, I'm gonna fight to save my girlfriend, her family and this kingdom" Eddie said.

"You mean, WE'RE gonna fight, big bro'" Amy corrected.

"Ame-I MEAN...Amy, about saving me from that disgusting monkey...thank you" Emily thanked "And forgive me for being such a bitch to you"

"Hey, I know you were acting like this because of your dad" Amy said.

"I want you to be my friend...to be like a sister" Emily said.

"Me too!" Amy said.

"So...friends?" Emily asked, offering her hand.

Amy not only accepted the hand, she have her a strong hug.

"Forever and EVER!" Amy said.

They did their friendship salute:

_Amy and Emily:_

_Sparkles! Sparkles!_

_Sunshine! Sunshine!_

_Lady bugs please make us SMILE!_

"I'm proud of you, girls" Eddie said "But now we have a tyrant king to overthrow!"

King Draggoroy was patiently waiting for his opponent. Suddenly...

***BOOM***

The main door of his castle was destroyed as our heroes entered.

"These bombs are the BOMB!" Jackie cheered.

"If my mom would see me with one of these, she would die" Ronnie said.

"Well, well, well...here is my traitor sister and her group of friends" King Draggoroy said.

"Shut up and tell me where Meg is!" Eddie demanded.

"Over here!" Meg called, still trapped in the golden cage.

"Release her..." Eddie growled.

King Draggoroy let out a sigh and released Meg from the cage. Meg went towards Eddie and hugged him.

"I missed you so much!" Meg said.

"Me too, babe" Eddie replied.

"CHRIS!" Amy exclaimed looking at Meg's family and went to kiss Chris several times.

"Why I have the feeling this happened before?" Lois asked.

"Let's go home and forget about this-"

But then she was knocked out by King Draggoroy, leaving her unconscious.

"MEG!" everybody screamed.

"BWA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!" King Draggoroy evilly laughed "Look at you: you failed to save your princess..."

"You...BASTARD!" Eddie angrily shouted swinging his sword, which released a fire cutter.

King Draggoroy, in slow-mo, jumped backwards as he used his scepter to cut off the flames and protect himself.

"What the bloody hell?!" Emily asked.

"Eddie has unleashed the powers of the sword" Eileen answered.

"This...is fire of a dragon" King Draggoroy said "My father sacrificed his soul to seal the dragon inside of this sword. The question is: are you able to control it?"

"Why don't we find out?!" Eddie asked, preparing his sword.

"Let's do this sh*t!" Imaginary Axel cheered.

Then King Draggoroy summoned 7 flying black gremlins and attacked Eddie.

***Gremlins laughing***

But he cut off their wings as they ended on the ground. But the evil king made the gremlins to fuse all together and they became a big dark warthog!

***ROAR***

The warthog was about to tackle him, but Eddie easily stabbed it and it turned into flames. It became a delicious cooked warthog, so the Griffins can eat them.

"This is REAL food!" Chris cheered.

"Yeah, no more elephant's..." Peter said as Lois covered his mouth.

"Don't even say it, Peter!" Lois ordered.

"I am impressed, Walker" King Draggoroy praised "You proved to me you're worthy of wielding my father's sword. Unfortunately, my scepter was made by the almighty elves. In other words: I'm more powerful than you!"

"You won't defeat me!" Eddie shouted, stabbing the ground, which caused to create a fire wave.

King Draggoroy tried to protect himself, but he was still affected by the flames.

"Eddie, remember you just have to knock the scepter out of his hands!" Eileen reminded him.

"No! I'm gonna kill him!" Eddie said "He has to pay for his atrocities!"

Eddie let out a war scream as he and King Draggoroy engaged and started sword fighting (at least just Eddie since Draggoroy used his scepter).

"What happened to my brother?" Amy asked.

"Yeah, he doesn't look like himself" Jackie answered.

"He became scary..." Ronnie commented, hiding behind Emily.

"The power of the sword is very powerful, yet very dangerous" Eileen explained "If Eddie let out his emotions while using this sword, he becomes more aggressive. If he doesn't control it, I don't know what could happen"

"You know, what I hate about the stories with Anime-like concepts are the boring and pointless expositions" Peter said eating a warthog rib "Mighty power, blah, blah, blah, very dangerous, blah, blah, blah, show us more awesome fight scenes"

"This is not an anime, Peter" Lois said.

Suddenly, King Draggoroy used illusionist tricks to multiply himself, so Eddie couldn't see which one is the real one.

***King Draggoroys laughing***

Eddie started listening voices in his head.

***Sarah Stone voice*** _All this training for nothing!_

***Caroline Black voice*** _My life was already difficult, you know that? But then you had to come and made it impossible, right?_

***Albert voice*** _You're just like your father, Walker: insolent, arrogant and very WEAK_

***Axel's voice*** _I f*cked your mom anally…_

"What? I had to get him pissed. That butler is real good with his tongue."

"ENOUGH!" Eddie shouted, doing a fire tornado around.

"Oh sh-" Imaginary Axel yelped, before being wiped away by the tornado, causing him to disappear.

That made the clones disappeared and knocked King Draggoroy back...and disarming him of his scepter. Everybody was astonished by such incredible power that Eddie displayed in this battle. Unfortunately, Eddie's face became different: he had dragon-like golden eyes, sharply teeth and spiky hair like a Saiyan.

"Eddie, it's your chance to take the scepter!" Amy said "Eddie?!"

But Eddie wasn't listening since he was approaching Draggoroy. He pointed the sword at him.

"No, wait!" Draggoroy begged "Have mercy!"

"***distorted voice*** _Mercy is for the weak..._" Eddie said, darkly "_People like you don't deserve mercy..._"

"Wow, Meg's boyfriend is very f*cked up right now" Peter commented.

"Oh my god, I should have bring a camera!" Chris said.

Then Meg slowly opened her eyes and saw an evil Eddie prepared to kill the young king.

"Now...you will DIE!" Eddie said, raising his sword to kill him once and for all.

"EDDIE, STOP!" Meg screamed, quickly standing up.

***echoing*** _EDDIE, STOP!_

Eddie heard Meg's voice as his face suddenly changed back to normal and stopped the attack. He turned around to see Meg. Meg slowly took a few steps and then she ran towards her boyfriend to give him a hug.

"No more fighting!" Meg said, crying on Eddie's shoulders.

"That's right, Meg, people shouldn't fight...not like this" Lois said.

"***crying*** Not like THIS!" Peter cried, but then he suddenly stopped crying "What am I saying? That fight was awesome!"

Eddie dropped his sword and saw how the weakened Draggoroy was trying to reach his scepter. But Eileen took it and suddenly the scepter's dark purple orb turned blue for some reason.

"My elvish powers has purified the dark powers of this scepter" Eileen said "Now tell me: where are my parents?"

Draggoroy pointed at the roof with a blue hexagonal symbol. Eileen shot a beam at the symbol and a couple trapped inside of a crystal appeared.

"My mother Queen Ellevin and my father King Edagorth..." Eileen said.

"***laughing*** 'Edagorth'? Sounds like barbarian gay porn!" Peter said as Lois smacked him "OW!"

"Do not worry, I'll release you!" Eileen said, shooting a beam to release and make them appear on the floor.

The King was ginger and he has long hair and beard. He wears a brown and red medieval outfit and a black cape. The Queen was brunette, she has a ponytail and she wears a green dress.

"Ugh...dear...what happened to us?" King Edagorth asked.

"I have no idea" Queen Ellevin answered.

"Mother! Father!" Eileen exclaimed as she hugged them "I missed you both!"

"Sweetheart, do you know what is going on?" King Edagorth asked as Eileen pointed at Draggoroy.

After Eileen explained everything to her parents, Draggoroy was handcuffed as he was confronted by the king.

"Draggoroy, your actions had lead this land into times of death and suffering" King Edagorth said "Do you have anything to say in your defense, son?"

"Don't call me 'son'! You're not my father!" Draggoroy answered "I deserve to be king! Everything was perfect until the bastard of your daughter made this pathetic group of knights to overthrow me!"

"Silence!" King Edagorth ordered "You leave me no choice, Draggoroy. You will be banished to another world where nobody has to suffer for your insolence and pride!"

"I will not forget what you did to me, you fools!" Draggoroy said "I will have my revenge!"

"Farewell...son" Ellevin said with a very sad tone.

"I will have my revenge, mother" Draggoroy asked "I will have my revenge!"

"Okay, we got it!" Peter said, getting annoyed.

"I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!" Draggoroy shouted.

"JESUS!" Peter cursed "What an annoying little twat!"

"I KNOW!" Imaginary Axel agreed with him, before realizing something, "Oh right, you can't hear me."

**(A/E: Sorry, Raimi Ray effects)**

King Edagorth used the scepter to perform a spell and a portal wormhole appeared to make Draggoroy disappear for good.

"Just for the record: I didn't sleep with him" Meg said.

"Hey, I believe you" Eddie said.

"But I saw his tiny penis for a second when he pissed on Chris" Meg said.

"He did WHAT?!" Amy asked, outraged "Bring him back, so I can give him a good spank on his butt!"

"Eileen, bring us the scepter" King Edagorth said, giving her the scepter.

Eileen went outside and shot a beam at the sky. The magic of the scepter was dispersed all over Innerland: snapping out the townspeople's minds, resurrecting the four frontiers' population AND the mystical creatures. We see the horses of the castle hanging out with a beautiful pony and a beautiful unicorn who suspiciously look like Bon-Bon and Lyra Heartstrings from _My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic._

"So...this kingdom called 'Equestria' is as awesome as every pony said?" Horse #1 asked.

"Hey, as long the rulers are four beautiful Alicorn princesses and not a dick-head boy, what could possibly go wrong?" Horse #2 asked.

"Well, I heard Princess Twilight fought against a red centaur called Tirek" the pony said.

"Dragon Ball Z style" the unicorn said.

"Whoa..." the horses said, quite impressed.

...

They celebrated with a wonderful party: Chris and Peter enjoying the fest, Amy and Emily funnily dancing while Meg and Eddie romantically dancing, even Ronnie and Jackie were telling their quest to some kids (possibly children from royal lords).

Eddie left Meg for a few moments to get something at the refreshment table…then suddenly, something caught his eyes: Imaginary Axel…dressed as Anakin Skywalker.

"Axel...why are you dressed like Anakin at the end of 'Return of The Jedi'?" Eddie asked "And why the one played by Hayden Christensen?"

"Search me. I guess it's your mind telling me that my work here is done." Imaginary Axel shrugged "Also, Christensen is not a bad actor, Lucas is a bad writer and director"

"I won't argue with that" Eddie said "But, did you even do anything?"

"Uh yeah. Who was the one that taunted you so you could go bat-sh*t on the mandrills, Altimore, and Draggoroy?"

"I don't get why you were doing that though." Eddie admitted.

"You will…in time. But may I say this…you did well, Edward Walker. You had shown that you are capable of being as awesome as me, and for that I salute you." Axel smiled, as he gave him a salute.

"Wow…thanks, Axel…so…what are you going to do now?"

"Well, I am just a figment of your mind, so I guess I will fade away…" Axel whispered, as he did fade away.

Meanwhile, in our world, back in Quahog…

The real Axel wakes up from his bed at Tracy's apartment.

"Whoa…what a weird dream…me, complimenting Wimpy Walker?" Axel said to himself, before scoffing, "Yeah, when pigs fly…"

He then just fell back to sleep.

Back in Innerland.

After the party; our heroes decided to go back home with Eileen's help. But before they were leaving, Eileen gave Eddie a very special gift: a small blade that looks similar of his sword with a collar to carry on his neck.

"What is it, Princess Eileen?" Eddie asked.

"The Sword of the Flaming Dragon, but in a smaller form" Eileen answered "Pronounce the oath and it will turn back into the tool that freed this land."

"Wait, I don't want this sword" Eddie said "I don't care if I'm stronger than Axel anymore"

"But it belongs to you" Eileen said "You must protect it for the rest of your life"

"***sigh*** all right" Eddie agreed, taking the sword.

"I'll open the portal for you" Princess Eileen said, taking out her wand to open the portal.

"This is it, guys" Eddie said "Our friends and families are waiting for us"

"Actually...we are not going back" Meg said.

"WHAT?!" everybody gasped, except the Griffins.

"You're kidding, right?" Eddie asked.

"HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!" Amy laughed "You're such a comedian, Meg"

"Actually...she's not kidding" Lois said with a serious tone, making Amy stop laughing "We decided to live here, so we can fix our broken family"

"No!" Eddie said, not believing it "That's INSANE! What about Stewie or Brian?!"

"Tell my baby that Mommy loves him and tell Brian to take care of him" Lois said.

"LET ME STAY WITH YOU THEN!" Amy exclaimed, hugging Chris.

"No, sweet cupcake, your life is with your family" Chris said.

"Meg, are you out of your mind?!" Eddie asked "What spell did Draggoroy put on you?!"

"None, Eddie" Meg answered "This is a decision I made on my own. I know I'm being selfish...but for the first time of my life, I think I know what is right"

"* **tearing*** please, come with me!" Eddie said "I love you!"

"I love you too, Eddie" Meg said, giving him a pink handkerchief "But...I'm afraid this is over. It was wonderful while it lasted"

"Guys, the portal is ready" Eileen said.

"I promise I will NEVER date another girl" Eddie said.

"Me too!" Amy said "But with a guy since I'm not a female gay"

"You mean a lesbian" Jackie said.

"Good-bye...Griffin family" Eddie said with a very sad tone.

Eddie, Amy (who's crying like a baby), Emily, Jackie and Ronnie entered the portal to go back to their world.

"Meg, are you sure about this?" Lois asked "You may never find another guy like Eddie"

"Mom, for me: the most important thing of my life is my family" Meg said.

"Oh, Meg!" Peter said, giving her a hug "I promise to be the best father of all time!"

"Me too!" Chris said "...wait, that doesn't sound right"

"This is the beginning of a fresh start for all of us" Meg said, looking at the sky.

The Griffins decided to live for the rest of their lives and they lived happily ever after.

**The End...**

...

**One Year Later**

The Griffins were riding on their horses. They barely changed a little, but at least they're wearing medieval versions of their outfits. They ended on the forest where they came to Innerland.

"Family, I think I remember this place" Meg said, apparently she now has a British accent "This is where we ended up in here in the first place"

"Oh yeah, it's been a year, but I remember it as it was yesterday" Lois said.

"Remember when we were a dysfunctional family back in our world?" Peter asked.

"Yeah, we were horrible people" Chris said.

"But you know what?" Meg asked "I kinda miss being a dysfunctional family"

"What?" Lois asked "But Meg, you always wanted to have a loving and caring family"

"I know...but maybe that's how we were best" Meg said "I mean: while other families try to be perfect, we didn't mean to be perfect. We pushed the boundaries that no family has ever done before and that made us special"

Suddenly, a wardrobe appeared in front of the Griffins.

"Meg, look!" Chris said.

"Oh my god, it's the old wardrobe!" Meg said "Does it still work?"

Meg opened and entered to the wardrobe as her family followed him. And then...

They both ended on the empty room of the Oldman mansion, wearing the pajamas they wore before they entered...and they're one year younger...not too much difference.

"Ugh...my head" Meg complained as she looked up and saw...EDDIE!

"Meg!" Eddie exclaimed.

"Eddie!" Meg exclaimed too "Oh my god...after an ENTIRE year, you refused to forget me"

"Well, your entire year was only 6 days for me" Eddie said "We were about to leave and I only came back to this room one last time"

"Brother, we need to go!" Amy said, with her suitcase until she saw Chris "CHRIS!"

She hugged him and kissed him in the lips.

"I missed you too, babe" Chris said, smiling

"What made you change your mind?" Eddie asked.

"Well, I missed my old life and I guess I wished to get it back" Meg answered "So, here we are!"

"Hey, what the deuce is going on?!" Stewie asked until he saw Lois "Oh no..."

"STEWIE!" Lois cheered, hugging her baby "I MISS YOU SO MUCH!"

"Really?" Stewie asked "Because I didn't miss you...AT ALL"

"Hey, where have you been?" Brian asked.

"Long story" Meg answered "But, I'm ready to back to normal, right Dad?"

"I don't know if I can still be that ass of a father, Meg" Peter said.

"Come on, give it a chance" Meg said.

"Uh...Meg, you suck" Peter said.

"Meaner" Meg said.

"You suck ass?"

"What are you? Danny Tanner from _Full House_?" Meg asked.

"A castrated monkey would be better daughter than you, because you know what?" Peter asked "Who cares?! Your fandom isn't as strong as it used to be! It doesn't matter if I bash you in the most mean-spirited! It does't matter! Nobody is gonna miss you when you die!"

"Okay, I think that's enough" Meg said.

"No, no, no! I'll keep going!" Peter said "One day your boyfriend will have a sex-change and leave you with a celebrity. Then you'll commit suicide and we'll bury you next to Hitler where nobody will bring you flowers. In other words..." he farted on her face "SHUT UP, MEG!"

Peter and Chris laughed as they gave each other high five.

"Damn, it feels good!" Peter cheered.

"My god, what have I done?" Meg asked, regretting her decision.

"***laughing*** Meg is a stupid bitch!" Stewie said.

"So, we have learned nothing from this?" Brian asked, smoking a cigarette "I can live with that"

They went down to see Frank, Helena, Jackie, Jillian and Emily waiting for them.

"Hey, you guys!" Frank greeted "You guys are really good on hide-and-seek"

"Wait, didn't you see we...? Never mind" Lois said.

Then they found that the Oldman family weren't very pleased.

"Don't...you...ever...come back" Sir William said with a bitter tone.

"Mother would be ashamed of you" Helena growled.

"Whatever, I don't need this bloody family!" Emily said, hugging Amy's arm "I'll be happy with my new family AND MY BCBFF!"

"HUH?" everybody asked.

"'Best Cousin Best Friend Forever" Amy answered.

"Did we miss something?" Meg asked.

"It's also a long story" Brian answered.

Finally, both families were in the airplane. Meg and Eddie were silently sitting together.

"Eddie, may I ask you something?" Meg asked, breaking the silence.

"What is it?" Eddie asked.

"Were you serious when you told me you'll never date another girl?" Meg asked.

"***sigh*** I was willing to move on...but I just couldn't forget you" Eddie answered.

"Me too, in fact: I never fell in love with anyone in Innerland when I was living there" Meg said "Not even sex"

"WHAT?!" Eddie asked "You had a YEAR and you didn't even hang out with someone else?!"

"What did you expect? She's Meg" Peter commented, laughing.

"Oh yeah, I also wrote a love letter just for you!" Meg said, with a smile.

"Give me that!" Peter said, taking the love letter and tearing it apart "AHA! Now it's gone!"

"Actually, that was your birth certificate" Meg said "PAY BACK TIME!"

"Wait, no, no! NOOOOOOO...!" Peter screamed, disappearing.

"So...are we back together?" Meg asked.

Eddie saw Amy and Chris making out.

"Well, if our younger siblings could do that...yeah, of course!" Eddie answered.

They both kissed.

**End of the Chapter**

**(A/E: Sorry for the long chapter. I promise next time will be shorter.)**


	36. Connie's Last Temptation

**Chapter 36: Connie's Last Temptation**

Our heroes (they're on Summer Vacation) were in the mall's food court. It was Eddie, Meg, Chris, Matt, Dylan, Jet and Bobby. They were waiting for the rest until Amy showed up with Emily, who's now wearing a jade tank top, denim skirt and white slippers.

"Sorry for making you guys wait, I was busy shopping with Emily to choose her casual outfit" Amy said.

"Cool, you look great, Emily" Eddie said.

"If my father would see me, he would murder me" Emily said "Oh, I mean...***clearing her throat* *American accent*** If Daddy sees me in this cutie skirt, he would spank my pretty BUTT!"

Everybody put a WTF face.

"You didn't tell us your cousin was...'special'" Jet said.

"Emily, we don't talk like dated Disney idols like the Jonas Brothers or the _High School Musical _cast" Eddie said.

"Sorry, I'm getting use to live with her" Emily said.

"Emily, these are my friends: Bobby..." Eddie said.

"Sup'!" Bobby greeted.

"Jet..."

"Cowabunga, milady" Jet greeted.

"Matt..."

"Nice to meet you" Matt greeted.

"...and Dylan" Eddie said, finalizing the names.

But Dylan was stunned by Emily's attractiveness.

"I...I...I..." Dylan stammered.

"It's a pleasure to meet all of you" Emily said "Or should I say...***American accen**t* let's be friends!"

"Seriously, cut it out" Eddie told getting annoyed "Also, we're waiting for..."

Axel appeared out of nowhere. He was all sweaty and covered with motor oil, shirtless, but with the pants on.

"Axel Everett, Hunter, Playboy, Kick-ass" Axel greeted "Sorry for making you wait, I was fixing my Impala"

Then just like Dylan, Emily was stunned by Axel's attractiveness despite he's all dirty. In fact, his 'bad boy' appearance made him even more attractive for Emily.

"Axel, this is my cousin Emily Oldman, she's from England" Eddie said.

"England, huh? How's the tea there?" Axel asked.

"I...I...I..." Emily stammered in the same way as Dylan.

"Also, she's the same age as Amy, so she's underage!" Eddie added.

"Relax, Over-Protecting-Daddy, I don't do underage girls...at least they have..." Axel said.

"AXEEEEEEEEL!" Eddie shouted, standing up, as Meg grabbed her boyfriend's arm to calm him down.

"Eddie, why don't you tell our friends our adventures in Innerland?" Meg asked, changing the subjects.

"***sigh*** All right..." Eddie said, calming down "But, here's a commercial for the readers since they already know"

**Commercial**

_**They're NEW!**_

_**They're FANTASTIC!**_

_**They're the INNERLAND ACTION FIGURES!**_

The action figure versions of our heroes are shown: Eddie, Amy, Emily, Jackie, and Ronnie. Wearing their Knights of Justice armors, carrying the weapons too.

_**Revive the best fantasy saga since Lord of the Rings with these incredible toys!**_

_**We also include the Evil King Draggoroy, Princess Meg and the Griffins in their slave clothes! They can talk too!**_

The action figures are shown as a hand pressed King Draggoroy's button to make him talk.

"***squeaky voice*** I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!" King Draggoroy exclaimed.

The hand is revealed to be Viggo Mortensen dressed as Aragorn.

"These are the best toys ever made" Viggo Mortensen said.

**_What are you waiting for?! Go and collect them all!_**

**_*they sold separately, batteries not included_**

**Commercial's end**

"And after going back to our world, Princess Eileen turned my sword into a smaller version, so I can carrying it on my neck" Eddie explained, showing the small sword "Believe me when I said for ONE moment, I was stronger than Axel"

Everybody was in silent for two seconds until Axel broke the silence.

"HA! Stronger than me?" Axel asked with a cocky tone "Okay, I can buy the fact that I was your 'Obi-Wan Kenobi' and guide you in your path to be badass. I also can buy the fact that somebody besides you who was attracted to Meg"

"Hey!" Meg said.

"Shut up, Meg" Axel said "...but YOU stronger than ME? Are you sure you guys weren't on drugs like in Sid and Nancy?"

"No!" Eddie answered "And I'll prove it!" he took off his small sword "Here I go...HYAAAAA!" he raised it up in order to make it bigger...but nothing happened.

"***deadpan*** Oh, wow, It's the coolest thing ever, I think I've just crap myself" Axel said.

"Oh yeah, I suppose to say the oath ***laughing*** silly me" Eddie said.

"You're not gonna say it?" Meg asked.

"***whispering*** she never told me the oath" Eddie answered "Let's see: I...Eddie Walker...I swear my loyalty...to this magical sword...from a princess whose evil half-brother tried to enslave my girlfriend and her family"

Then Axel saw something that really shocked him.

"OH MY F*CKING GOD!" Axel exclaimed.

"What? Nothing happened yet" Eddie said "I, Eddie Walker..."

"No, LOOK!" Axel said, pointing at something with his finger.

Everybody turned around and saw what they thought they would NEVER see in their entires lives (or at least from the actual show): CONNIE D'AMICO KISSING NEIL GOLDMAN! Even Meg was completely wordless...

"I can't believe it!" Eddie said.

"Connie is kissing Neil while she's dating Matthew!" Matt said.

"I would never do that to Chris, right Meg?" Amy asked as she realized Meg was gone "Meg?"

Meg was taking pictures with her cellphone at Connie kissing Neil for evidence. Connie finally saw Meg and she stopped kissing Neil. She pushed Neil away and started running away.

"Hey, come back!" Meg demanded, starting a chase.

Meg was chasing Connie all over the hall. They went through the pet shop, where they accidentally released the snakes in the reptiles section. They went through the toy store where they took some bikes and rode on them, causing some destruction on the toy store until the exit, where they trip off from the bikes and continued the chase on foot. And finally they went through to the Arcade, where they stopped to play Dance Dance Revolution for a while. They were playing with the song 'Barbie Girl' by Aqua, but for copyright reasons, I can't put the lyrics.

_**CONGRATULATIONS! YOU GOT THE HIGH SCORE!**_

The crowd was so happy, that they carried them as praise. Since Meg seems to enjoy this more, Connie approached the chance to get away from the crowd and continued to run away.

She hid herself in a boutique. She thought she saw safe...until she was caught by a mannequin wearing a formal pink dress, a matching hat and heels, who happens to be Meg in disguise.

"I got you, bitch!" Meg said.

"Get off me, Griffin!" Connie said.

"No freaking way!" Meg said "Now, you're gonna tell me why were you kissing Neil Goldman!"

"If I tell you, are you gonna get off me?" Connie asked.

"Yes" Meg answered, getting her off.

"It was just a kiss and it didn't mean anything" Connie said "He told me he wanted inspiration for his stupid comic book since his main character kisses a girl at the end!"

"Really? Because you seemed to enjoy it so much" Meg said.

"He was blackmailing me!" Connie replied "He took a photo of me stuffing my bra with tissues in the girls locker. If I wouldn't do that, my reputation would be over!"

"Is that the whole truth?" Meg asked.

"***sigh*** No...the comic book inspiration part is true, but the blackmail part is a lie" Connie said "The truth is...***sigh***...my relationship sucks"

"Yeah, ha, ha" Meg said, sarcastically.

"I mean it!" Connie said "There's no romance, no kisses, we barely have conversations and our last date was probably the most romantic yet"

**Flashback**

Connie and Matthew were in a restaurant eating their meal. Connie ordered a salad and Matthew ordered chicken. They were eating silently for 10 seconds until Matthew broke the silence.

"This chicken is good" Matthew said.

**Flashback's end**

"I wanted to kiss a guy so much, so when Neil asked me to kiss him and I did it! Without thinking twice!" Connie said "Something is wrong with me"

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry for that" Meg said, trying to sound concerned "Don't worry, me and my friend won't tell Matthew about this.

"Uh, really?" Connie asked, very surprised by Meg's mercy.

"Because it's MY turn to blackmail you, BITCH!" Meg said, showing the photos of she took earlier and she evilly smiled "You're all mine..."

"***groan*** Why is this happening to me?" Connie asked.

"Because the author of this fanfic hates you" Meg answered "Just look at what he did with Diamond Tiara"

**Cutaway**

A mob of angry ponies tied Diamond Tiara up to a wooden log and they were about to set fire on her.

"Why are you doing this to me?!" Diamond Tiara asked.

"For what you did to Scootaloo in 'Flight to the Finish'!" an angry pony wearing a shirt with Scootaloo's face on it answered.

Diamond Tiara her head turned around and she saw Vicky from _Fairly OddParents! _She was tied to a wooden log about to set fire on her too.

"Welcome to the hatedom..." Vicky said.

**Cutaway's end**

Meanwhile; Eddie brought his friends to his apartment's roof so he can continue to 'unleash his sword's power'.

"I don't understand, why we didn't chase Connie with Meg?" Axel asked.

"Because I want you guys to see the power of my sword" Eddie answered.

"But aren't you even curious of why Connie kissed Neil?" Matt asked.

"Meg always tells she needs to face off her arch-nemesis alone, without her boyfriend's help" Eddie answered.

"Are you gonna show your power or not?" Axel asked.

"Yes, Edward! Do not make Axel wait!" Emily said.

"Huh?" Axel asked.

"Okay, I'll do it" Eddie said, preparing his sword as epic music is played "I am Eddie Walker! Leader of the New Knights of Justice! And I swear my royalty to the Sword of the Flaming Dragon! MAY ALL MY ENEMIES FEAR TO MY POWER!"

He raised the small sword and screamed like a warrior...but nothing happened, just the epic music stopped like a disc.

"Epic fail, but I give you points for good acting" Axel said.

"For the Princess Eileen! For the Kingdom of Innerland!" Eddie exclaimed "I unleash the dragon's fire!

"I'm out of here" Dylan said, about to leave until Axel stopped him.

"No, wait, I wanna see how longer he can humiliate himself" Axel said.

"I'll stay as long Axel stays..." Emily said with a dreaming face

Dylan just saw Emily's smiling and he sighed.

"All right" Dylan said.

"I wonder what are Meg and Connie doing right now" Matt said.

Meanwhile, in the Griffins' house; Meg and Connie were in the living room.

"Okay, Connie, here's a list a chores and I want you to follow every instruction, step by step" Meg said.

"Meg, maybe we can somehow negotiate this..." Connie said.

"DENIED! SIT DOWN!" Meg ordered.

"Sit down?" Connie asked.

"Sorry, it's from a horrible M. Night Shyamalan's sci-fi movie" Meg answered "Anyway, do this and I'll keep my mouth shut.

"***groan*** I don't want this! " Connie whined.

"Maybe this will teach you not to cheat on Matthew" Meg said as she leaves.

"But I didn't even sleep with...argh, okay" Connie said, reading the list "***reading*** 'Deliver cookies to the neighbors' ***stop reading*** Simple enough, wait... *reading* 'P.S.: Don't forget the uniform I hung in my closet'"

Much later, Connie was dressed in a slutty girl scout delivering cookies all over the neighborhood. Next house was...Quagmire.

"Oh no, the guy who sexually assaulted me in my 16th birthday" Connie said with fear "Calm down, Connie, maybe he doesn't recognizes you"

"What can I...? Hellooooo, sweet scout girl!" Quagmire said, looking at Connie's slutty appearance, yet, he didn't recognizes her "What can I do for you?"

"***mentally*** Phew, that was close" Connie thought "You want some cookies, sir?"

"Sure! You can put them on my kitchen's table" Quagmire answered, letting her in.

Connie got into the house and went to the kitchen. She screamed as she found a naked Quagmire under a table covered by a tablecloth with a bulge on the center.

"You can put them right on the center" Quagmire said.

Meanwhile; Eddie continued doing random 'oaths' to unleash the power of his sword. Axel, Dylan, Amy and Emily were still watching, but they're getting bored.

"***singing*** Let it grow...let it grow...I want this stupid thing to grow..." Eddie said, getting exhausted.

"It's getting late, Mom is gonna be mad if I skip my curfew" Dylan said, standing up.

"Yeah, at first it was funny, but now it's annoying" Axel said.

"Oh, Axel, can you take me to my home?" Emily asked.

"Emily, you live here, so that would be pointless" Axel answered.

"Ah..." Emily groaned, disappointed.

"If you want it, I can take you to your home" Dylan said, but Emily wasn't even listening to him "Hello? Earth to Emily"

"Come on, guys! I almost got there!" Eddie said "Maybe with a different song. *singing* Everything is awesome!"

"Look, Ed, maybe being badass isn't your thing" Axel said "At least not in my category"

"But you should've seen me!" Eddie said "I was like a beast!

"Maybe in that fantasy world, but this is the real world" Axel said "See you tomorrow"

As Axel left, Eddie just let out a frustrated scream and threw the sword to the ground.

"This is frustrating" Eddie said.

"You're still a strong guy, Edward" Emily said.

"Do you think so?" Eddie asked.

"Yeah, lighten up!" Amy answered "Come on, let's go to have dinner! Mom made spaghetti and meatballs"

"Yeah, Italian food always cheer me up" Eddie said "Like Garfield"

**Flashback**

Jon was with the veterinary to check on Garfield.

"Mr. Arbuckle, your cat is suffering from obesity" The veterinary said "In fact: I'm surprised that he's still alive"

"Well, he only wants lasagna..." Jon said.

"Wait...do you feed your cat LASAGNA?" The veterinary asked.

"Yes" Jon said,

"Like...leftovers?"

"No, like three whole strays of it" Jon answered.

"I see..." The veterinary said, taking his cellphone to call somebody.

"What are you calling?" Jon asked.

"The police, they'll arrest you for animal cruelty" The veterinary answered.

"No, please!" Jon begged "They'll eat me alive there!"

Next scene, Bill Murray was reading the script of 'Garfield 3' along with his agent.

"Well, what do you think?" the agent asked.

"No...just...no" Bill Murray said, really ashamed "Are you sure you can't call Sofia Coppola?"

**Flashback's end**

It's been a few days and Connie was really getting sick of being Meg's slave.

"Okay, Meg, I did everything on this list" Connie said "I washed your underwear that turns your boyfriend on when you both have sex..."

**Flashback**

Connie was in the bathroom, washing Meg's large-size yellow panties with pink butterflies on it in the sink.

"EW! EW! EW!" Connie said, disgusted.

**Flashback's end**

"I stole a fraternity's pet..." Connie said.

**Flashback**

Connie was chased by an angry mob of college students while she was carrying a turtle. The college students were walking very slowly.

"Maybe that's why their pet is a turtle" Connie said.

**Flashback's end**

"And I dressed up like you to come with your Dad at the 'Biggest Pinball Machine in the World'" Connie said.

**Flashback's end**

Connie, wearing Meg's clothes, was inside a giant plastic bubble.

"Are you sure this is safe?" Connie asked.

"Shut up, hot Meg" Peter answered, pulling the giant plunger as the game began.

Connie inside the bubble got hit so many times by the bumpers, bouncing around the machine until the score hit 1,567,979 points.

_**GAME OVER!**_

Peter got his prize: a stuffed blue bear.

"Yeah, I got a stuffed bear!" Peter said until he saw Connie, beaten up "And you got...another round"

"What?" Connie asked, as Peter pulled the plunger again "AAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

**Flashback's end**

"Very good, Connie" Meg praised "You did exactly what I told you"

"So, are you gonna keep the kiss a secret?" Connie asked.

"Nope, that was the first part" Meg answered, taking out another list "Here's the second part!"

"Oh, come on!" Connie complained "Aren't you satisfied with my humiliation?"

"Maybe you don't get it, Connie" Meg said "Once I submit these photos on the internet, not only Matthew will know it, but the whole school as well and your popularity will hit the bottom"

"Why are you so cruel...?" Connie asked with fear

"Because you were cruel to me and now it's my turn" Meg answered "Now, here's my post office key. I need you to go down town and get my stuff from my P.O box."

"Y...You don't get your mail here?" Connie asked.

"No. I get a lot of stuff from the Netherlands" Meg answered.

"Like what?" Connie asked.

"Like I'm part of a group that sorta trashes Aunt Frank's house every year" Meg answered "Why I'm telling this to you? Now, go!"

Connie leave the house to continue her humiliating tasks. But just when she leaves, Eddie came in.

"Hey, Meg" Eddie greeted "I haven't see you in days since Connie's scandal"

"Yes, and I told you guys to leave it to me" Meg said.

"Yeah, why did you ask us to stay out of this?" Eddie asked "Shouldn't we tell Matthew the truth?"

"It won't be necessary" Meg said "As long we don't tell him, Connie will do whatever I say"

"You WHAT?!" Eddie asked, shocked.

"Isn't it awesome?!" Meg asked, excited "I feel like Megatron and she's like the pathetic Starscream. You know what? Maybe that's why my full name is Megatron Marie Griffin"

"No, it's NOT awesome!" Eddie scolded "Also, Megatron? I thought your real name is Megan. Anyway, don't you think you're being mean to her?"

"Hey, she was extremely mean to me in the past!" Meg answered "I deserve to have my revenge!"

"And you're gonna act like her in order to do that?" Eddie asked.

"Exactly!" Meg answered.

Eddie let out a sigh, he took out a mirror and gave it to Meg.

"I want you to see yourself on the mirror and tell me what you see" Eddie said.

"Pttt, the old 'see-yourself-in-the- mirror' trick" Meg said, careless as she saw herself in the mirror.

Then she imagined herself...as her reflection disturbingly transforms into a brunette version of Connie D'Amico.

"You're a pathetic loser!" The reflection said.

"AAAAHHH!" Meg screamed, throwing the mirror away.

***Peter's voice*** OW! SON OF A BITCH!

"If you want your revenge, that's fine" Eddie said "But I don't want a bitch girlfriend. But of the other hand: a dominating girlfriend would be kinda sexy"

"Eddie, what have I turned myself into?" Meg asked "I wanted to get revenge on Connie so badly, that I was becoming just like her!"

"Funny: I was feeling somewhat the same" Eddie said "I wanted to unleash the power of this sword to show Axel how strong I became"

"I have to do the right thing, but how?" Meg asked.

"Looks like you already know" Eddie answered.

Meanwhile in Matthew's house; they told him the news. And he took the news in the most unexpected way...

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Matthew laughed so hard.

"Wow, he's taking it very well" Eddie said.

"Aren't you mad?" Meg asked.

"MAD?! Connie D'Amico, the most popular girl of school, KISSED Neil Goldman, the nerdiest guy of school!" Matthew answered "Oh my god, not even Charlie Sheen would have believe that!"

"But Matthew, your girlfriend kissed a nerd" Meg said "Doesn't make you...how do I put this...lamer?"

"I don't really care about this manhood dignity bullcrap" Matthew answered.

"But Matthew, you can't let your girlfriend go just like that" Eddie said "It was Neil first, but who's next? Dylan? Jet? Bobby?"

"Oh, hell no!" Matthew said until he realized what he said "I'm not racist...maybe"

"What Eddie is trying to say: a relationship isn't just hanging out" Meg explained "There must to be passion, romance, fulfilling your sexual fantasies and feeling horny as freaking hell LIKE ME RIGHT NOW!" she stood up "OH MY GOD, I NEED A SPANKING!" she pulled her pants down, revealing her pink panties "DO IT, EDDIE!" Eddie spanked her butt "OW! HELL YEAH!" then she realized Matthew was watching this and she pulled her pants up "Sorry..."

"You're right, maybe I should talk to her" Matthew said, taking out his cellphone "Oh look, I got a message from Connie"

"What does it says?" Meg asked.

"It says ***reading*** 'Dear, Matthew, blah, blah, blah, my life is ruined, blah, blah, blah, I can't take it anymore, blah, blah, blah, I'm jumping off the bridge over the freeway'?" Matthew said reading the message as his tone was getting very concerned by each sentence.

"Oh my god, does that mean Connie is gonna commit suicide?!" Meg asked, scared.

"We gotta stop her, before it's too late!" Eddie answered.

"I can't let her die, like Flynn Ryder near of the end of Tangled" Matthew said.

**Cutaway**

Rapunzel was trying to cure Flynn with the power of her hair, but since it was cut off, she lost its power as well. She cried over him..until she dropped a tear and...

***SHINE***

Flynn abruptly woke up.

"OW! What the hell?!" Flynn asked.

"Oh my god, you're alive!" Rapunzel cheered.

"Yeah...I guess" Flynn amswered.

An actual clip of a _SpongeBob SquarePants_ episode is shown: Stuck in the Wringer.

"I guess crying DOES solve your problems after all" SpongeBob said.

I took my gun and shot him at his face.

**Cutaway's end**

The guys were looking for Connie until it got night and they finally found her, who was ready to jump off the bridge.

"Here she is!" Eddie said.

"CONNIE!" Matthew called.

"DON'T JUMP!" Meg exclaimed.

Then for some reason we see Lighting McQueen and Mater from _Cars_.

"McQueen! Isn't that the girl aldovas hates?" Mater asked.

"Yup and looks like she's gonna jump" McQueen said "I'm ready to crush her!"

"It's all over...for me" Connie whispered as she was about to jump until she saw all these cars driving really fast and she stopped "OH MY GOD! I CAN'T DO IT!"

"Goddamn you!" McQueen cursed, passing under the bridge.

"I wanna die, but not without breaking my body into pieces!" Connie said.

"NO ONE'S GONNA DIE TONIGHT!" Matthew exclaimed.

"Matthew!" Connie exclaimed "Listen..."

"Connie, he already knows" Meg said.

"We told him about everything" Eddie said.

"I'm not mad" Matthew said.

"Really?" Connie asked.

"Well, I'm mad right now!" Matthew answered "You were about to kill yourself!"

"It wasn't just for you, but my popularity as well!" Connie said.

"Wait, what?" Matthew asked.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you: I blackmailed Connie as a revenge for being so cruel to me" Meg said "But I didn't expect her to kill herself!"

"I didn't know what to do, being a loser or being Meg's slave for the rest of my life" Connie said.

"But your popularity worths more than your own life?" Eddie asked "That's the stupidest thing I ever heard"

"Besides: you're not as popular as you used to be" Matthew said, taking out a chart where Axel has the highest percent of popularity while Connie has the lowest percent "But you know what? Screw this! Don't let a stupid chart depend your life!"

"Connie, I feel bad about all this" Meg said, taking out her cellphone "I won't become a grudge-holding bitch" she threw her cellphone to the freeway.

"You know you could just delete them" Eddie said.

"Damn it!" Meg cursed "Now what?"

"I think you both should become friends" Matthew said.

"WHAT?!" Meg and Connie asked at the same time.

"I mean, if you both continue hating each other, nobody's gonna win" Matthew answered "I know it seems impossible, but at least you can give it a try"

Meg and Connie looked at each other and they both replied: "We'll try"

"Good to hear that" Matthew said.

"Connie, let's take you home, your parents must be sick worry about you" Eddie said.

"Right" Connie agreed.

They were about to leave as out of nowhere, a bum with a gun appeared and pointed his weapon at them.

"Money! Jewels! NOW!" The bum demanded.

"Okay, just calm down" Matthew said with his hands up "I have $85 in my wallet" he slowly took off his wallet until he accidentally dropped it, making the bum hold his fire "It's okay, just take it"

The bum slowly took the wallet, but he was staring at Connie's earrings.

"Okay, you got your money, now go" Eddie said.

"I said jewels too!" the bum said as he quickly grabbed Connie to take her earrings.

"AH! GET OFF ME!" Connie screamed.

Matthew tackled the bum and tried to take the gun. Unfortunately...

***BANG***

Matthew got shot and fell down to the ground as the bum ran as fast as possible.

"MATTHEW!" his friends screamed as they approached to help him.

"Eddie, call an ambulance!" Meg said.

"Yes" Eddie said, taking out his cellphone.

"No...***pain grunts***...I don't have much time" Matthew said as his wound was bleeding too much blood "Just tell my family I love them...that I accept Richard and Karen as my parents...that Jaina must find a guy who loves her as she is...and Connie..."

"Yes?" Connie asked, tearing up.

"Don't forget your pro...***coughing***...mise" Matthew said his last words as he died.

"Matthew...?" Meg asked, also tearing up "No...please, come back!"

Both girls cried over the dead body as Eddie just stood up and shred some tears too. There was nothing, but silence and darkness.

...

A couple of days later, families and friends attended to the funeral. For some reason, Connie didn't show up. Meg was in the podium for her speech.

"Matthew was more than a good friend...he was the first friend I've ever had" Meg said "Before I met him, I was always alone and without any friends. But he made me realize that not everything in this world is in vain, that there's always hope and we must keep fighting. ***crying*** Matthew, wherever you are, we're all love you and miss you"

Everybody clapped for such wonderful speech. Meg only could stare an empty chair, meaning that it could be Connie's.

Speaking of her, Connie was alone in the dark of her room. She was in bed with a half eaten sandwich (just bread and ham) and a glass with some milk left next to her.

***knock-knock***

"Go away, mom!" Connie said.

But when the door was opened, it was Meg.

"Connie, it's me: Meg" Meg said.

"What do you want, Griffin?" Connie asked, with a bitter tone "Are you here to yell at me? Because I caused your childhood friend's death?"

"Connie, it was a bum with a gun who killed him" Meg answered.

"Tell it to Matthew's family, they rejected me right when I came to the funeral" Connie said.

"That's why you didn't show up...I thought you didn't love him after all" Meg said.

"Aside from your brother, he was the only guy who liked me" Connie said "But just like your brother, I blew it big time"

"Remember his last words?" Meg asked "He told you not to forget your promise. I think he means a possible friendship between us"

"Listen to me, Griffin and listen carefully: you and I will never and I mean NEVER...gonna be friends" Connie said with a dark tone "Because there's no such thing as friendship. It's just a childish concept to make people believe everything is gonna be all right, when they know it's a lie"

"Yes, not everything is gonna be fine" Meg said "But the least we can do is giving a try"

"Meg, get out of my room" Connie said.

"Connie..." Meg whispered.

"I SAID: GET OUT!" Connie shouted as she threw her glass of milk towards Meg.

Luckily, Meg quickly reacted and dodged the glass.

"You know what? Fine!" Meg said, upset "You wanna continue being a bitch? Go ahead! After all...nobody is gonna love you"

Meg slammed the door as Connie continued with her depression.

The screen turned black as the credits roll while the song 'Happy' by Leona Lewis is played. Again, I can't put the lyrics, but listen to that song as you read the credits.

**Created by:** aldovas

**Written by:** aldovas and Shen's General

**Edited by:** loessar and Shen's General

Based on the TV Series created by Seth MacFarlane

Based on characters of 'Meg and Eddie' and 'Chris's Girlfriend' by aldovas

Based on characters of 'Meg's Boyfriend' by Malcolm Fox

Based on characters of 'Spellbook' by Ander Arias

Based on characters of 'Tale of a Valkyrie' by Bhaalspawn

Based on characters of 'Enter: Axel Everett' and 'The Hunt Begins' by Shen's General

_Mila Kunis_ (Meg Griffin)

_Haley Joel Osment _(Eddie Walker)

_Emily Osment_ (Amy Walker)

_Seth Green_ (Chris Griffin, Dylan Flannigan and Neil Goldman)

_Seth MacFarlane_ (Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, and Mickey McFinnigan)

_Alex Bornstein_ (Lois Griffin, Gloria Ironbachs, Nikki the Giant Chicken and Thelma Griffin)

_Jensen Ackles_ (Axel Everett)

_Mark Wahlberg_ (Frank Walker)

_Kate Winslet_ (Helena Walker)

_Rachel MacFarlane_ (Tracy Flannigan)

_Patrick Warburton_ (Joe Swanson)

_Jennifer Tilly_ (Bonnie Swanson)

_Mike Henry_ (Cleveland Brown and Rallo Tubbs)

_Kevin Michael Richardson_ (Cleveland Jr.)

_Reagan Gomez-Preston_ (Roberta Tubbs)

_Drew Barrymore_ (Jillian Russell)

_Jerry Trainor_ (Jackie Bender)

_Lisa Wilhoit _(Connie D'Amico)

_Jesse Eisenberg_ (Matt Kennedy)

_Bradley Cooper_ (Zack Murdock)

_Tara Strong_ (Cody Murdock)

_Kristen Wiig_ (Nicole)

_Ben Burtt _(ROB-B)

_Hayden Christensen_ (Matthew Ryder)

_Mandy Moore_ (Jaina Ryder)

_Mae Whitman_ (Sophie Kennedy)

_Bruce Kennedy_ (J.K. Simmons)

_Kristen Schaal (Katie Rose)_

_Christian Potenza_ (Jet Skyler)

_Michael B. Jordan_ (Bobby Jackson)

_Peter Dinklage_ (D)

_Sharlto Copley_ (Mr. Earl)

_Damien Fahey_ (Michael Milano)

_George Takei_ (Master Chozen)

_Leonardo DiCaprio _(Dr. James D. Roark)

_Adam Sandler _(Macy Roark)

_Aaron Eckhart_ (Trevor Clarkson)

_Emma Roberts_ (Natalie Clarkson)

_Melissa McCarthy_ (Maggie Walker)

_Zooey Deschanel_ (Chloë Walker)

_Amy Adams_ (Polly Walker)

_Kaley Couco_ (Becky Walker)

_Christian Bale_ (Charlie Walker)

_Vin Diesel_ (Jon Wheeler)

_Paul Walker_ (Brad)

_Michelle Rodriguez_ (Miranda)

_Emma Stone_ (Caroline Black)

_Richard Coyle_ (Samir 'Beltraine' Crookshanks)

_Danny Smith_ (Ernie the Giant Chicken)

_Lena Headey_ (Anastasia Oldman)

_Alec Baldwin_ (Colonel Jackson Bender Sr.)

_Jude Law_ (Jeremy Oldman)

_Bonnie Wright_ (Emily Oldman)

_Evangeline Lily_ (Katherine Oldman)

_Jordan Nagai_ (Ronald 'Ronnie' Oldman)

_Alan Rickman_ (Albert)

_Helena Bonham Carter_ (Beatrice)

_Georgie Henley_ (Princess Eileen)

_Tom Felton_ (God King Draggoroy)

_Gary Oldman_ (Altimore)

_Sarah Silverman_ (Princess Ofira)

_Djimon Hounsou_ (Chief Matoskah)

_Ken Jeong_ (Emperor Ching)

_Rosemary Harris_ (Queen Florasven)

_Emma Thompson_ (Queen Ellevin)

_Sean Bean_ (King Edagorth)

_With Helen Mirren_ (Annabeth Oldman)

_And Anthony Hopkins_ (Sir William James Oldman)

**Special Thanks Goes to...**

loessar

Shen's General

Honorthefallensaints

Aldamonburst

supersexyghotmew95

Big G-Man

The superior man

Guest

MagicFareeha

storytellr

Prettyprincess45

pen123

Warrior Emperor Z 1991

123kid

Megan Hermione Lovegood

**After Credits Scene:**

Matthew was shown with the eyes closed until he opened them.

"Uh...w-where am I?" Matthew asked as he looked around, he was in a cloudy place "Did I go to Heaven?"

Not exactly.

The owner of the voice was Death.

"You're not in Heaven, nor Hell, you're in the Limbo" Death said.

"What...?" Matthew asked, all confused.

**End of the Season**


	37. Raiders of the Holy Grail

**Chapter 37: Raiders of the Holy Grail**

**(A/E: Welcome everybody to Season 4! I suggest you to read 'Tale of a Gladiator Angel' first to understand this chapter. Enjoy!)**

**TV Cutaway**

The Channel 5 logo appeared on screen, fading away to reveal Tom Tucker and Joyce Kinney.

"Morning, I'm Tom Tucker" Tom greeted.

"And I'm Joyce Kinney" Joyce said.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, nobody cares" Tom said, much to Joyce's chagrin. "As you know, it's been a month since the death of a local guy: Matthew Ryder. He's been killed by a carjacker identified as 'Dennis Chill', 47 years old. The Police of Quahog continues looking for the guy. Trisha Takanawa is with them right now

Trisha was with Joe and his men in the Police Department.

"Tom, I'm here with officer Joe Swanson and his men" Trisha said

"We'll catch this son of a bitch and bring him to the electric chair..." Joe said with determination "...but not TODAY! Today is 'Free Donuts Day'!

All the cops were having a party in a Dunkin' Donuts for the 'Free Donuts Day'

"So glad to see our cops are doing a great job" Tom said

"No, they aren't!" Joyce said "They're stuffing their mouths with donuts!"

"Joyce" Tom said.

"What?" Joyce asked.

"Shut up" Tom answered.

**TV Cutaway's end**

It's revealed that Eddie was watching the news, he was still sad by Matthew's death. He looked at his album of photos. There was several photos of couples kissing: he and Meg, Chris and Amy (though Amy is the one who kisses him so many times and he just smiles), Zack and Nicole (the most passionate one), Matt and Katie and finally Matthew and Connie (who just hold their hands without even smiling). Eddie had a few seconds of silence until...

"HEY, BRO!" Amy greeted, making Eddie flinch.

"Damn it, Amy!" Eddie cursed "Don't scare me like that!"

"Whatcha' doing?" Amy asked.

"It's been a month since Matthew died and things haven't been the same" Eddie said.

"What you're talking about? Look at me!" Amy said, doing a spin and a happy hop "I'm still your happy and cute sister!"

"I'm not talking about you, I'm talking about Connie" Eddie said "His last wish was she and Meg becoming friends"

"What's on your mind?" Amy asked.

"I was thinking of going to Connie's house and be her friend" Eddie answered "It won't be that hard, what's gonna be hard is building a bridge between these two girls"

"A bridge? But trolls live under bridges!" Amy said.

"***sigh*** First off: it's a metaphor, I'm gonna make them become friends" Eddie said "Second: Aren't you too old to believe in fantasy stuff?"

"Hey, did you forget we've just came from a fantasy world?" Amy asked.

"Touché" Eddie answered "Anyway, I'm sure I can do that. Just like I'm sure Marvel Studios can make a good movie about an unpopular Marvel superhero"

**Cutaway**

**(A/E: Warning, if you haven't seen the post-credits scene of _Guardians of the Galaxy_, SKIP THE CUTAWAY!)**

The Collector was drinking a martini with...Howard the Duck.

"What do you let him lick you like that for? ...Gross!" Howard the Duck said, drinking his martini.

"Wow, I didn't know Donald Duck was in this movie" the Collector said.

"Bitch, I'm Howard the goddamn Duck!" Howard the Duck said "Maybe you don't know me, because my 1986 movie bombed. Stupid George Lucas."

"Hey Donald, why Stan Lee made cameo in _Princess Diaries 2_?" the Collector asked.

"See? This happens when Disney buys Marvel!" Howard the Duck complained.

"I am Groot" the Collector said, imitating Groot.

**Cutaway's end**

Eddie went to Connie's house, he knocked on the door and he was answered by Connie's mom.

"Hello, Mrs D'Amico" Eddie greeted "I'm Eddie Walker, I go to the same school with your daughter"

"Are you one of her friends?" Connie's mom asked.

"Not yet" Eddie answered.

"You're not one of Axel's minions, right?" Connie's mom asked, with fear.

"What? No!" Eddie answered "Did Axel threaten you?" Connie's mom nodded as an answer "***sigh*** I promise Axel has nothing to do with me. I just wanna see your daughter and see if she's alright."

"Okay, maybe you can convince her to get out of her room" Connie's mom said "She's been in her room for three weeks!"

"Three weeks?" Eddie asked, surprised.

"Yeah, she spends most of her time eating ice cream and watching Garry Marshall movies" Connie's mom said.

"Great, so she playing 'Romance Clichés Bingo'" Eddie said.

"Yeah, and don't get me start with the pounds she put on." Connie's mom answered.

Eddie couldn't believe her, so he went to her room and knocked on the door"

***Connie's voice*** _Go away, Mom!_

"Connie, it's me: Eddie" Eddie said as he opened the door "I just wanted to-WHOA!"

Eddie found out an overweight Connie **(A/E: imagine Joyce Kinney in her high school days with Connie's hair) **in her pajamas eating strawberry ice cream while she's watching _Pretty Woman_.

"What do you want?" Connie asked, scooping out a ball of ice cream and eat it.

"Is that really you?" Eddie asked.

"***crying*** I know, I'm gross!" Connie answered "Look at me: I make Miss Piggy look like a supermodel!"

"***nervous*** No! You don't look that fat...you look like Jennifer Lawrence" Eddie lied.

"Before or after _the Hunger Games_?" Connie asked.

"Umm...before?"

Connie cried even harder, putting her face on her pillow.

"Connie, you can't stay in your room for the rest of your life" Eddie said "You're still young, you have so much to do in your life"

"What's the point?" Connie asked "I'll never be popular again!"

"Then let me help you become popular again" Eddie said "I know if you let me help you, you'll be back to being the confident Connie"

"Really?" Connie asked.

"I swear" Eddie answered.

"Why are you helping me?" Connie asked.

"Because I hate to see a sad girl wasting her life like that" Eddie answered "You need a friend, so why not me?"

Then Connie strongly hugged Eddie.

"Thank you, Eddie!" Connie thanked with a happy smile "You're my savior!"

"***hardly breathing*** You're...welcome" Eddie said "Connie, you're crushing me..."

"Oops, sorry" Connie said.

"The first thing we have to do is losing all that weight." Eddie said.

"Oh, leave that to me" Connie said with a smile.

As the Rocky theme started playing, Connie wore a white headband, a pink sweatshirt and matching slacks and white sneakers. She was ready to train and lose weight.

Then we cut to her vomiting on her toilet on purpose.

**One Week Later...**

School finally started as Eddie entered first to call everybody's attention.

"Hey, everyone!" Eddie greeted "May I have your attention, please? Please give a nice welcome to the only and the best: CONNIE D'AMICO!"

Connie (not fat anymore) came in and sexily walked like if she was posing for a magazine.

"Hello, losers, did you miss me?" Connie asked with a cocky tone.

But everybody just stared at her, very confused. Some students were whispering at each other. Connie began to feel nervous.

"***whispering*** Eddie, I'm scared" Connie said.

"***whispering*** Just keep walking with me" Eddie said, taking Connie's hand and they both kept walking until they saw Meg "Hey, Meg!"

Meg turned around and was immediately upset by the sight of HER boyfriend with her WORST enemy.

"Eddie, why the HELL are you with Connie?!" Meg asked.

"Connie was going through a hard time and she needed somebody's help" Eddie answered.

"Did you forget that I'M your girlfriend?" Meg asked "The person who needs you most?"

"What's the matter, Griffin?" Connie asked "Are you jealous that your boyfriend is interested on me?"

"Girls, stop" Eddie ordered "Meg, we already talked about your jealously, control it. And Connie, you should be friendlier to Meg for now on"

"What do you mean friendlier to Meg?" Connie asked, suspicious.

"***sigh*** I'm trying to accomplish Matthew's last wish and make you girls to become friends" Eddie said.

"Sorry, Eddie, but she made it perfectly clear that she and I can't be friends" Meg said.

"I don't care, I have enough friends" Connie said as she saw her friends Gina and Jasmine "Gina! Jasmine!"

"Huh?" Gina asked.

"Who are you?" Jasmine asked.

"Guys, it's me: Connie!" Connie answered "I'm back to make geeks and losers' lives miserable again!"

"Oh yeah, you're Connie, right?" Gina asked.

"Yup, your leader is back" Connie answered as her friends laughed at her "What are you laughing?"

"Sorry, hun, but we already have a leader" Gina said.

"Who?" Connie asked.

"_Me."_

They turned around and they saw Emily.

"Emily?" Eddie asked.

"Your new leader is a child?!" Connie asked, outraged.

"You're calling me a child?" Emily asked "Do you see me wearing a nappy? I don't think so"

"As you can see, Connie, popularity rules have changed" Gina said.

"Geeks, losers and first graders are now the most popular students of school" Jasmine said "Hot girls like us are now dating geeks and jocks are practically slaves"

We see Scott carrying Neil's books until he accidentally dropped them.

"You, idiot!" Neil said "You should be punished!"

"No, please! Don't call Axel!" Scott begged.

"No, not this time" Neil said, giving him a rock "Go to the bathroom and use this rock wipe your ass!"

"Yes, Neil" Scott said, going to the bathroom.

"So Axel is behind of all this!" Eddie said.

"Ugh, I never thought he could become a complete jerk!" Meg said.

"Um, Meg, he always was a jerk…just now, he has crossed the line into sadist territory." Eddie shook his head.

"Hey, do not insult my handsome prince!" Emily threatened "Or you'll regret it!"

"Handsome prince?" Eddie asked "_Oh no, she's in love with him! This is worse than when the time I confessed I don't like Matilda"_

**Flashback**

Eddie was surrounded by an angry mob.

"Come on, guys, just because I don't like that movie, it doesn't mean it's bad" Eddie said "I mean, at least it's better than that piece of crap of _Signs_" everybody pointed at him with their pitchforks "Oh, come on! The aliens' weaknesses is freaking water!"

**Flashback's end**

Our heroes were in the lunchroom as Eddie introduced Connie to his friends.

"Hey everyone, you may know Connie D'Amico" Eddie said "She's our friend now"

"AH!" Chris screamed as he hugged Amy "Keep me away from her!"

"I still don't forgive you for what you almost did to us!" Amy said.

"Guys, she's trying to be friendly now" Eddie said "Please give her a chance"

"Hey, girl!" Jet greeted, offering him a pizza "Would you like a marshmallow and pepperoni pizza?"

"Eek! You're disgusting!" Connie said.

"You're wasting your time with her" Meg said.

"Hmm...got it!" Eddie said "Connie, do you like parties?"

"Who doesn't?" Connie asked.

"Then let's make a party!" Eddie said.

"Did you say PARTYYYY?!" Amy asked, extremely excited.

"You know, I actually like the idea of a party" Meg said "But please: Do NOT invite Axel"

"Why not?" Dylan asked "Axel is not bad..."

Then he saw Emily expressing her feelings to her friends.

"Axel has such a strong chest that it feels that it was made of stone, no, STEEL!" Emily said "It makes me want to rub my breasts on him!"

"What breasts?" A random geek asked.

"On second thought, I agree with Meg" Dylan said, looking upset.

"Okay, Axel won't come" Eddie said "But not a SINGLE word to him. When he wasn't invited to the 'Waffles and Bacon' festival, things didn't end very well"

**Flashback**

The whole festival was completely destroyed as Axel was enjoying his waffles and bacon.

"Totally worth it" Axel said, taking a bite.

**Flashback's end**

A few days later; our heroes made the party on Meg's house. Luckily, Peter and Lois were absent. Most of them were jocks who are slaves to Axel and the nerds.

"This is the best party ever, thanks Griffin!" Scott thanked as he felt a pain in his ass "OW, my ass hurts! Why did Neil choose a sharp rock?"

"This is wonderful, Eddie" Meg said "Since they change school's rules, I'm more popular than ever!"

"Where are you parents anyway?" Eddie asked.

"They're on a double date with Brian and Tracy" Meg answered.

**Flashback**

Peter, Lois, Brian and Tracy were having dinner on a fancy restaurant.

"Hey, you know what would be fun, Brian?" Peter asked "Let's find a private place, so Lois and Tracy strip off to their bras and panties and make out while you and I watch them"

"No way, Peter!" Lois said, very offended.

"Yeah, Lois and I won't strip off to our underwear and make out" Tracy said "Right, Brian?"

"Huh...actually, I don't hate the idea" Brian said.

"BRIAN!" Tracy scolded him.

"I MEAN-Yes, it's a stupid idea, Peter" Brian said.

"Aw, that sucks..." Peter groaned "*whispering* let's see if Frank and Helena would do it."

"What?" Lois asked.

"Nothing!" Peter answered

**Flashback's end**

"What about your baby brother?" Eddie asked "The loud music may wake him up.

"Chris took care of it" Meg answered.

**Flashback**

Stewie was injected by tranquilizers.

**Flashback's end**

"By the way: where's Connie?" Eddie asked "We practically made this party for her"

"Pfft, who cares?" Meg asked "Now, if you excuse me: I gotta help Amy to carry the cake we both made"

As Meg went to the kitchen, Eddie just shook his head, this plan wasn't working. His girlfriend and Connie aren't still getting along.

**DING-DONG!**

"I wonder who it is?" Eddie said as he goes to the door to answer "Hello, welcome to the pa-AXEL!"

"Hey, Walker" Axel greeted "I didn't know you were having a party at your girlfriend's house"

"***nervous*** What party? There's no party here!" Eddie said nervously.

But background, two jocks were hitting a piñata until they started hitting each other.

"May I ask why I wasn't invited?" Axel asked.

"I must have forgotten to bring you the invitation!" Eddie answered "I know e-mail and Facebook exists, but Meg worked really hard on the pretty invitations..."

"So, you won't mind if I join the party" Axel said, coming in.

"Axel, wait, you didn't let me finish!" Eddie said.

"AXEL'S HERE, BITCHES!" Axel cheered.

But everybody stopped and so the music.

"Why the long faces?" Axel asked "Did somebody die?"

Meg and Amy appeared with the cake.

"The cake's here!" Amy cheered.

"It's a combination of red velvet, vanilla and coffee...AXEL?!" Meg asked, outraged once seeing him.

"I gotta admit, Pinky Hat, this cake looks delicious" Axel said.

"Eddie, what is he doing here?" Meg asked "I told you NOT to invite him"

"Why not?" Axel asked "Am I too cool to be in your party?"

"No, because you're a complete JERK!" Meg said.

"What did you call me?" Axel asked, clearly offended.

"Why don't we eat cake?" Eddie asked, trying to avoid a fight.

"Bear with me, Eddie" Meg said "Since you've become the most popular guy of school, all the geeks are the bullies while the jocks are the victims"

"Why aren't you happy though?!" Axel asked "Thanks to me, I made things better! How many suicides has there been since I came to power?"

"That doesn't matter, Axel!" Meg growled.

"You're sure? 'Cause a lot of families might disagree with you." Axel crossed his arms.

"Axel, nothing has changed!" Meg yelled, "You just swapped places!"

"Maybe the jocks should think TWICE before to mess with me or any geek. Without me, who would protect the geeks, the nerds, and all the 'losers'?" Axel said, "What I do is simply the 'Rules of Nature.'"

**RULES OF NATURE!**

A Metal Gear Ray burst through the roof as rock music began playing.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Axel held up his arms, "Get out of here, Ray, this isn't the time!"

The machine gave a whimper as it pulled out.

"As I was saying, I only hurt people because they hurt people. They do bad things, I rip their balls off."

"See, that's the words of a BULLY!" Meg said "No, bully isn't enough to describe you. You're evil!"

"Evil?!" Axel asked, eye twitching.

"You're an evil person who doesn't care about justice…you just want dominance over everybody else." Meg answered.

"No, I'm not..." Axel said, trying to control himself.

"Yes, you are" Meg said.

"No...I'M NOT!" Axel shouted, slamming the table with his fist without noticing the cake on it.

*everybody gasped*

The room remained silent, while Amy started whimpering for the ruined cake. Axel realized what he did as Meg cleaned off some cake on her face.

"Yes-you-are" Meg said.

"You know what?" Axel asked "Screw this party. I am a righteous man, Meg, and I show you…all of you. I'll be a bigger hero than Superman and Batman both together! Good night!"

He left the house, slamming the door.

"Geez, can you believe him?" Meg asked.

"Actually...yes" Eddie answered, clearly disappointed in his girlfriend "I'll go to find Connie. Sorry everybody! Party's over!"

A very frustrated Axel got into the impala until he realized somebody was in the back seat. This caused Axel to take out his Ragnarok.

"Who are you?!" Axel asked.

"Axel, it's me: Royce" Royce answered.

"Royce?!" Axel asked, astonished "I thought you were in a coma! It has been two seasons, for crying out loud!"

"Yes, I still can't believe how long it was, but hey: better late than never" Royce said "Listen: we need to talk."

"Okay, but let's find a safe place" Axel said.

"Sure, and I just know the place." Royce said,

And they went to the best place where no criminal would find them...a Chuck E. Cheese's. The place was full of children, playing, laughing, crying, burping, pooping, etc.

"I hate you" Axel said, since he hates children.

"Sorry, it's the only place where my daughter Marina can play" Royce said "I'm trying to make up for lost time since my coma"

Suddenly a young brunette girl wearing a dress similar of Princess Sofia from _Sofia the First_ appeared.

"Daddy, would you give me tokens for the arcade games?" Marina asked.

"Here you got, kiddo" Royce said, giving her tokens.

"Thanks!" Marina thanked as she left.

"I didn't know you have a daughter" Axel said.

"She's been living with her stupid boyfriend" Royce said, with an annoyed tone.

"Boyfriend? You mean, mother, right?" Axel asked, a bit concerned.

"No, she has a boyfriend" Royce answered.

"How old she is? 10?" Axel asked.

"Twice as much." Royce answered.

"20?!" Axel asked, really shocked "But how...?"

"She has some…special powers, but to me: she's always my little princess" Royce said.

We see Marina playing a game called 'Alien vs. Predator vs. Terminator vs. RoboCop vs. Freddy vs. Jason vs. King Kong vs. Godzilla vs. Marvel vs. Capcom vs. DC Universe vs. Streeth Fighter vs. Mortal Kombat'.

"DIE, GODDAMN ALIENS!" Marina exclaimed.

"Wow, a girl who plays with the big boys" boy #1 said with a cocky tone.

"Hey, princess, I can see your panties!" boy #2 said.

"Get lost, you little brats!" Marina demanded, talking like an adult and covering her dress.

"Ugh…" Axel shuddered, "So, what did you want to tell me?"

"Well, Axel, I heard you had a few run-ins with Supremacy Phoenix in the past year or so." Royce explained.

"Oh yeah. First these street racers-turned-hijackers, and some terrorist dude. But since that, nothing has been popping up." Axel shook his head.

"Well, I got something for you." Royce pulled out an iPad, and began swiping through it, showing photos of…Neo Nazis, "I got intel telling me that SP had hired these Neo Nazis to find a rare artifact…" He swipes it to show a mysterious golden cup "The Holy Grail…"

"The Holy Grail?" Axel asked "Like THE Holy Grail? As in the grail that Jesus drank in the Last Supper? And the one those bloody French bastards took from King Arthur?"

"For being an atheist, you know a bit about religion" Royce said.

"At this point, anything can happen" Axel said.

"Well, here's the thing. Marina and this boyfriend of hers are going to track them." Royce explained.

"And who is this boyfriend?" Axel asked.

"Lionel Treveylan." Royce explained, "He's a hunter just like you, and a damn good one. I don't like him, but he can get the job done. Your mission is to go with Marina and Lionel to stop the Neo Nazis. I would come too, but I'm still recovering from being in a coma."

"Yeah, and the SP might come back to finish the job." Axel said.

"Are you sure you can do that?" Royce asked.

"I'm going _Inglorious Basterds_ on them" Axel said.

"Just be careful, Axel. Things might get hairy." Royce warned.

"Don't worry, Royce, you can count on me like an army of carnivorous worms" Axel said.

**Cutaway**

A chicken found a worm and he pecked it to eat it.

"AAAHHH! HEEEELP!" the worm screamed.

Suddenly thousands of worms came out of the ground and ate the chicken until it turned into a skeleton.

"That's the best chicken I've ever eaten" carnivorous worm #1 said.

"Let's eat a duck next time" carnivorous worm #2 said.

**Cutaway's end**

Meanwhile, in the Griffins' house; Meg and Amy were cleaning the house before Peter and Lois got home as Eddie found Connie in the garden.

"Are you okay, Connie?" Eddie asked.

"No, I'm not okay" Connie answered "It doesn't matter if I'm popular again. That won't make me happy"

"Well, what makes you happy?" Eddie asked.

"Matthew..." Connie answered.

"Well, maybe you don't know, but Matthew..." Eddie said.

"He's dead, I know!" Connie said, crying "But I just can't live without him! I love him!"

Eddie didn't like to see a heartbroken girl, so he hugged her.

"Connie, you're not alone" Eddie said as one of Connie's tears dropped on Eddie's shirt...then something started to shine on Eddie's chest.

"AH!" Connie screamed.

Eddie revealed that he's still carrying his small sword and now it starts shining.

***Eileen voice*** _Eddie, can you hear me?"_

"Princess Eileen?" Eddie asked.

"Who?" Connie asked.

He realized the voice was coming from his sword.

_Eddie Walker, if you're hearing this, that means somebody has asked for your help. I know I told you that in order to activate the powers of the sword, you must pronounce the oath. Unfortunately, I forgot to tell you what it is..._

"Well, no sh*t" Eddie said, unimpressed.

_'When the night fades, the day rises. When the Winter is gone, the Summer appears. When the dragon appears, I take the fire. The Leader of the Knights of Justice, I will become'_

"Doesn't even rhyme" Connie commented.

_May the power of the sword protect you..._

"Hey, talking sword!" Connie called "You said somebody has asked for Eddie's help, well, that somebody is me, right?"

_Yes. The tear you dropped contained your biggest wishes and one of them is getting back the person you love and lost._

"Can you do that?" Eddie asked.

_No, but I can tell what you need to do..._

In an abrupt transition, we cut to our heroes (Meg, Eddie and Connie) were in a taxi going to the airport. We don't see the characters, just shots of the taxi driving to the airport.

"The Holy Grail?" Meg asked.

"Princess Eileen studied our world enough to know its existence" Eddie said.

"Wait, isn't the Holy Grail a load of baloney?" Connie said.

"Apparently not for Eileen" Eddie said "She told me the Holy Grail is somewhere in the Vatican"

"Why would we want to go to the Vatican to find the rarest treasure in the world?" Meg asked.

The taxi stopped as our heroes came out: Eddie was dressed like Indiana Jones, Meg was dressed like Marion Ravenwood from _Raiders of the Lost Ark _and Connie was dressed like Willie Scott from _Temple of Doom_.

"Because, who doesn't want an Indiana Jones-style adventure?" Eddie asked.

"That's why you asked us to dress like Indy's girlfriends?" Meg asked.

"Well, thank god I got the sexy one." Connie said, doing a sexy pose.

"You mean the dumb one" Meg said, mocking at her.

"Hey, at least my son is not Shia LaBeouf!" Connie said.

"Settle down, girls!" Eddie ordered "Leave me the references to me. This sword will work as a radar to find the Grail"

"Okay, let's get this over with" Meg said as they both entered the airport.

Just the moment they leave, we see Axel and Marina waiting for someone

"Where's your boyfriend?" Axel asked.

"Here it is!" Marina exclaimed.

A dark brown-haired young man wearing a black buttoned shirt, a collar with a skull, a black trench coat, navy jeans and black boots appeared, riding a badass motorcycle that looks like a horse skeleton. He looked like Sam Winchester from Supernatural.

"So, you must be Lionel Trevelyan" Axel said.

"The one and only." Lionel said with a relaxed tone until he saw Marina and he was disgusted "Oh god, you're in your child form again?!"

"But I look goddamn cute!" Marina said.

"Change back to your adult form before the cops come" Lionel said.

"Argh, fine!" Marina said "You two, cover me"

They both covered Marina, so nobody could see her and then...

***FLASH***

Marina became a sexy young woman of her 20's, wearing a black top, blue denim shorts and black heels.

"You're no fun at all" Marina said.

"But babe, you know I love you more with actual breasts" Lionel said "You look sexier as your actual age"

"I guess you're right" Marina said, kissing him.

"Nice bike" Axel commented.

"Like it?" Lionel asked "I call it 'Ghost Rider', named after my 5th favorite Nicolas Cage movie. Following _the Wicker Man_, following _National Treasure_, following _Face-Off_ and finally _Leaving Las Vegas"_

"Yeah, he's a Cage fan" Marina said.

"And there's more" Lionel said.

He pressed a button on the bike, which it switched into a small item that he can carry on his pocket.

"Cool, can we go now?" Axel asked.

"Let's go" Lionel answered.

They took the airplane to Italy, but both group of heroes never noticed each other's presence.

At Eddie's side...

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Meg asked.

At Axel's side...

"I hope we don't mess up, these are Neo Nazis what we're talking about" Marina said.

And both sides...

"We'll be fine, what could possibly go wrong?" Eddie and Axel said at the same time.

And both groups never noticed a mysterious guy in a black trench coat.

As the airplane traveled all over the Atlantic Ocean, a map appeared in the background as the airplane was leaving a red line just like in the Indiana Jones movies as the Indiana Jones theme played.

Then we see our heroes sleeping until Eddie woke up and he realized everyone else were all gone. Even Axel, Marina and Lionel despite they've never seen each other.

"Girls, wake up!" Eddie said, waking up the girls "They're gone!"

"No, my nightmares are still here" Connie said, looking at Meg.

"I mean the passengers, they're gone" Eddie said.

"How's that possible?" Meg asked.

"Unless...oh my god" Eddie said as he went to the pilot cockpit and the pilot was gone too "The pilot's gone!"

"Oh my god, what we're gonna do?!" Connie asked, panicked.

"Can you pilot this thing?" Meg asked.

"You think I flew an airplane before?" Eddie asked.

"MOUNTAINS!" Connie screamed.

They were in the snowy mountains and they could crash any minute.

"We have no choice, we gotta jump off the airplane" Eddie said.

"Are you INSANE?!" Meg asked, outraged.

"All we need are parachutes" Eddie said.

Everyone looked for parachutes, but they only found a floating boat.

"A boat? We're not sinking! WE'RE CRASHING!" Connie screamed as she placed her hand at her mouth in fear as she shrieked.

"Oh, stop whining, bitch!" Meg said "Sometimes, I wonder what Spielberg ever saw in Kate Chapsaw."

The three got into the boat and jumped off the plane and slid on the mountains to the river. They grabbed a branch, so they landed safely.

"Wasn't that bad, right girls?" Eddie asked as the girls just glared at him "Geez, it must be hard to have two girlfriends.

**Cutaway**

We see a brunette guy, naked and in the bed with two naked ladies: a blonde one and a ginger one.

"Actually, it's easy and amazing" the guy said.

"I love you and her" girl #1 said.

"I love her and you" girl #2 said.

"And I love you both girls" the guy said.

"We want to have babies" both girls said.

"Oh, hell no! I did NOT sign up for this!" the guy said, leaving.

**Cutaway's end**

Meanwhile, in an unknown place; Axel's team were tied up together until they slowly woke up and they found a gray bearded man wearing a German army uniform with a red band with the NAZI symbol.

"My name is Lt. Hans Schmidt" Lt. Schmidt said "Do you know that Germany was a weak country? Until Hitler came to the power and Germany became a powerful empire. Hitler was obsessed with mythology, he used it to inspire his regime and conquer the world. Unfortunately the other countries like yours became stronger and Germany lost the war...and Hitler. But we, his followers, we'll continue his legacy. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Bitch, I don't even care about anything you just said, what the hell did you do to us?!" Axel asked.

"The passengers were actually us in disguise" Lt. Schmidt said "We released a sleeping gas and kidnapped you. Except maybe these three other passengers…but we just left them on the plane to die a gruesome death."

"Which passengers?" Axel asked.

"Two ladies and one gentleman, one of the ladies look like a man and the other is blonde" Lt. Schmidt answered.

"Oh my god...could it be?" Axel asked.

"Axel, there's no time to waste!" Lionel answered "LET US GO!"

"I hate insolent people" Lt. Schmidt said as he turned on the lights revealing a dozen of Neo Nazis pointing their guns at them.

"What do you want from us?" Lionel asked.

"Your cooperation to find the legendary Holy Grail" Lt. Schmidt answered "I heard it has the power to grant even the biggest wishes you've ever imagined"

"Did you say biggest wishes?" Axel asked, with interest.

"Here's what we're gonna do: help us to find the Grail and we'll spare your lives" Lt. Schmidt said, pointing his gun at Marina.

"*chuckling* are you threatening my girl...?" Lionel asked, getting...weird "Are you...threatening...MY GIRL?!"

He took a hidden blade out of his jacket's sleeves and cut off the ropes to get free. He approached Schmidt putting the blade on his neck as a threat. All the Nazis hold their fire.

"Oh no, they pissed him off" Marina whispered.

"What?" Axel said.

"Listen, you piece of German sh*t: nobody, and I mean NOBODY, put a gun on my beautiful, beautiful maiden!" Lionel said, being hammily over-the-top.

"What is he doing?" Axel asked, "And why is he talking like one of those douchebags from those old romance movies?"

"He likes to go crazy against his enemy, Daddy finds this reckless and unsubtle" Marina said "I find this sexy"

"Because if you ever, EVER, do that AGAIN! I'LL RIP YOUR EYES OUT!" Lionel shouted, letting out a Woody Woodpecker laughing.

"Oh my god, he's imitating a cartoon character, I feel so horny now..." Marina said, touching her breasts.

"***thinking*** _Okay, this is the weirdest couple I've ever met, even more than Eddie and Meg._" Axel said, clearly disturbed, "_Well, at least Marina is hot and Lionel is cool…eh, it's a moot point._"

"Okay! Okay! I won't threaten your girlfriend! I'm a man of my word!" Lt. Schmidt said as Lionel slowly calmed down and leave him alone "I love your guts, boy. But you still must come with us to find the Grail"

"All right, sir" Lionel said.

"My god, this is more awkward than ditching a supermodel" Axel said.

**Flashback**

Axel was ready to have sex with a blond model.

"Are you ready for some Axel Action?" Axel asked.

"When you're ready" the model said.

But Axel realized he forgot to bring a condom.

"***whispering*** Goddamn it..." Axel said.

"What's the matter?" the model asked.

"Uh...my stomach!" Axel said, faking his stomachache "Ugh, call 911!"

"Oh my god, don't worry just let me change my clothes!" the model said, going to the bathroom to change.

Axel took his chance to get out of the window.

"Nice move, Everett..." Axel said.

**Flashback's end**

In the Vatican, Axel's team and the Nazis (wearing their tourist disguises) were looking the whole city, every building and every temple until they went to the Pope Francisco church. They saw the Pope's throne and Marina seemed suspicious.

"What's the matter, dear?" Lionel asked.

"Something seems suspicious" Marina said "I'll use my snake eyes"

"I like your confidence" Axel praised.

"No, I mean literally" Marina said, closing his eyes and her eyes turned yellow and snake-like for some reason.

We see from Marina's perspective that the Pope's throne has a very small and unseen (at least from human eyes) crack.

"What did you see?" Lionel asked.

"We have to wait until tonight" Marina answered "When nobody's here"

"So...what do we do to kill time?" Axel asked.

"Truth or dare?" Lionel asked "Me first: Axel, truth or dare?"

"Truth" Axel said.

"How hot do you find my girlfriend?" Lionel asked.

"In her child or adult form?" Axel asked.

"Obviously adult form" Lionel answered.

"Like 4.5 out of 5" Axel said.

"What flaw do you find?" Lionel asked.

"BUZZ! Just one question at time" Axel answered "My turn: Marina, truth or dare?"

"Dare" Marina answered.

"I dare you to..." Axel said as he saw an overweight man in a motor chair "Push that man over there"

Marina approached the fat man and pushed him off his motor chair. She quickly left, giggling.

"Mooooooo..." the fat man mooed like a cow.

Later that night; Axel's team and the Nazis were hidden since it was full of guards.

"***whispering*** Great, how do we get rid of them?" Axel asked.

"***whispering*** oh, watch this" Marina said as she slowly transformed into...a bat.

She flew towards the guards until she was almost got caught and transformed into a snake. In her snake form, she bit one of the guard's leg which caught the attention of the other guard. Then she transformed into a wasp and stringed at him. The bite and the string passed them out.

"We're clear!" Marina said.

"Did she get a 5 out of 5?" Lionel asked.

"No, but I admit she's still pretty awesome" Axel said.

They went to the throne as they're looking for the small crack. Marina used her snake eyes to point at the crack.

"Hit that" Marina said as Axel hit at the part Marina pointed out and suddenly the throne moved aside, revealing a secret passage. Even the 'puzzle solved' sound effect from the Legend of Zelda is heard.

"What was that?" Lionel asked.

"Just a random sound effect" Axel answered.

"Less talk, more grail" Lt. Schmidt ordered.

They got into the secret passage until they found a giant room full of treasures, pretty similar of _the Hobbit: the Desolation of Smaug_.

"Oh my god, look at these shiny thing!" Marina cheered, grabbing some jewels to put them on "Do I look more _valuable_? ***giggling*** Get it? Because..."

"What are you doing here?!" An old man asked, he was wearing a gray medieval outfit with a white cross one it "Who are you?"

"It doesn't matter, we're looking for the grail" Axel said.

But the guardian took out his sword, ready to fight,

"As guardian of the grail, it is my duty to protect the grail with my...!" then he was shot by Lt. Schmidt.

"I'm losing my patience" Lt. Schmidt said "Lady and gentlemen, look for all the cups you could find"

Everybody started looking.

"This will take an eternity" Marina complained.

"Agreed, anything could be the Holy Grail" Lionel said.

"If only you would know the secret word" Eddie said, appearing out of nowhere.

"Yeah, if only...WALKER?!" Axel asked, surprised "What are you doing here?!"

"You're not the only one looking for the Holy Grail" Eddie answered "Meg, Connie and me came here!"

"Hey, Eddie! Do I look more _valuable_?" Meg asked, wearing so many jewels.

"Hey, I said it first, bitch!" Marina said.

"Anyway, how did you survive the plane crash?" Axel asked.

"Doing several Indiana Jones references" Eddie answered.

**Flashback**

One night, our heroes were camping in the jungle as Connie was screaming at the animals that was chasing her. Meg and Eddie were just ignoring her while they played cards.

"Did you hear something?" Eddie asked.

"Nope" Meg answered

Then they face-off a Muslim guy doing a sword dance until Eddie got bored and shot him...in the leg, so he doesn't die.

And finally they entered a room, where somebody hit Eddie with a fake vase. That somebody was Frank, dressed up like Prof. Jones from _the Last Crusade_.

"What the hell?!" Eddie asked.

"***British Accent*** Sorry, Junior, I didn't see you coming." Frank answered.

"What are you doing here anyway?" Meg asked.

"***Normal Accent*** I was in a Sean Connery convention" Frank answered.

**Flashback's end**

"Wow, that's what I call 'throwing references for no reason'" Axel said.

"Whatever, what do you mean 'the secret word'?" Lionel asked.

"That's what that plaque on the floor says" Eddie answered pointing at the plaque on the floor.

"So, all what we need is say the magic word and the grail is ours?" Axel asked.

"You have 30 seconds to say the word" Lt. Schmidt said, pointing with his gun.

"Oh my god, are these real Nazis?!" Connie asked, now scared.

"25...24...23..." Lt. Schmidt counted.

"Listen, sir, even WE don't know the secret word!" Eddie said.

"18...17...16..."

"Magic word, magic word...'Jesus'?" Connie asked.

"12...11...10..."

"Adam and Eve? Noah's Ark? _All Dogs Go to Heaven_?!" Meg asked.

"3...2...1..."

"DON'T KILL US, _PLEASE_!_" _Eddie begged.

Suddenly an earthquake surrounded the room and a tall rock pyramid (similar the one for the magic lamp from _Aladdin_) came out from the ground. On the top of the pyramid...there's the Holy Grail...that's just a cup with the word 'Jesus' on it.

"There it is!" Lt. Schmidt said "The treasure we've been looking for!"

"Good, I can finally grant my wish!" Connie said.

"Your wish?" Axel asked "And your wish is to go back when YOU were popular and everybody feared you?!"

"No, my wish is..."

"I won't let you grant your wish!" Axel said, climbing the stairs of the pyramid to reach the grail.

"Axel, wait!" Connie said, as they both raced for the grail.

"That's right, bring the grail to us!" Lt. Schmidt said.

"You think he'll give it to you, Hitler?" Lionel asked.

"That does it!" Lt. Schmidt said as they both started to fight.

Axel and Connie were in the top and they both touched the grail.

"***thinking*** _I WISH MATTHEW WAS REVIVED_!" Connie wished.

"***thinking*** _I WISH FOR MORE POWER, SO I CAN BRING JUSTICE TO THE WORLD_!" Axel wished.

They both lunged at the grail and grab it at the same time...then suddenly the grail started to glow very white...

"Guys, look away!" Eddie demanded.

Everybody covered their eyes, but the Nazis, because Nazis are stupid, stared at the glow. And they screamed in horror as their skin started melting and their heads exploded like watermelons.

The bright light went on for a few moments, and then it suddenly blasted both Connie and Axel away, as Connie was sprawled across the ground, while Axel hit the wall as he fell to his knees. Then the light dissipated, the grail suddenly disintegrated...

Eddie slowly opened his eyes, to realize the Nazis died.

"Wow, that scene never gets old" Eddie said.

"Oh my god...did the grail work? Is Matt back?" Meg asked.

Connie slowly picked herself up as she looked around, hoping to see Matt back...but saw no one.

"No..." Connie said, in vain "No, no, no, NO!"

Meg and Eddie went to her side.

"Connie...I'm sorry..." Meg said.

"I don't understand...I know I touched that grail first!" Connie said.

"Oh, shut up already!" Axel shouted, standing up and with the clothes damaged.

Everybody looked at Axel, who was trembling for some reason, as he looked at them with hate-filled eyes.

"So, you went ALL this way just to revive your stupid boyfriend?!" Axel asked "You know, the guy you KILLED?!"

"AXEL, THAT'S NOT CONNIE'S-" Eddie said

"NO!" Axel shouted, groaning and sweating in pain "That bitch you defend deserves...no...happiness..."

"You're wrong, Axel" Meg said.

"SHUT UP, MEG!" Axel shouted as he got to his feet slowly, as his muscles suddenly started to grow.

"Axel?" Connie asked

"I started this personal crusade..." Axel said, as he started walking slowly, his body growing and his voice getting deeper "...so I could bring down those who abused the weak..and I will not let a whiny bitch, a fugly bitch, a nutcase with his freak girlfriend, and a MAJOR bitch stand in my way!"

"What's going on?" Lionel asked.

"Why is he glowing?" Marina asked.

"I don't know...I think he might had touched the holy grail the same time as Connie...

Axel started transforming in the most terrifying way: he was becoming into a giant black and metallic skinned dragon. Since he absorbed his Ragnarok and Desert Eagle to his body, two machine guns appeared on his shoulders along with two mechanical wings. He got a tail whose point looks like a three bladed spear. And finally his head became like Bahamut from Final Fantasy VII. After his transformation, he let out a roar that I admit is the Godzilla roar from the _2014 Godzilla film_.

Everybody was horrified for seeing such a terrifying creature.

"It can't be..." Eddie said.

"Oh my god, that is the most awesome thing I've ever seen!" Lionel said.

"Even I can't transform into something like that" Marina said.

"We've just jumped the shark doing this" Meg said.

"Eh, I'm sure somebody is gonna find reasons to bitch about this anyway." Eddie shrugged.

"Guys, do you realize there's a GIANT FREAKING DRAGON READY TO KILL US?!" Connie asked, screaming like crazy.

Dragon Axel tried to crush them with his giant tail and everybody dodged it.

"I must transform into my Flame Knight form to stop him" Eddie said, taking out his small sword "I hope this works: 'When the night fades, the day rises..."

Dragon Axel kept attacking with his tail.

"...when the Winter is gone, the Summer appears..."

Dragon Axel started shooting bullets from his machine guns. Luckily, our heroes dodged the bullets. Unfortunately, Axel caught Meg.

"...when the dragon appears, I take the fire..."

"Axel! I know I was a bitch to you in the party! I'm sorry!" Meg said as Axel looked at her with his eyes full of anger and hatred "Tell you what: in the next party, I'll bake you a whole cake just for you!"

Axel let out a roar and said in a Megatron-like voice, "**_THE CAKE IS A LIE!_**"

"...the Leader of the Knights of Justice, I will become'!" Eddie finished the oath.

"Don't eat me! I taste awful!" Meg said.

"HEY, YOU!" Eddie exclaimed, wearing his badass armor "If you roast your girlfriend, I'll roast your ugly lizard head!"

Axel dropped Meg as she falls down. Fortunately, she was saved by Marina in her eagle form.

"Now I can show you how badass I've became!" Eddie said, swinging his sword and releasing a flamethrower towards Axel.

But then Axel caught the fire with his mouth and he let out a bigger flame that our heroes barely dodged.

"Okay…maybe tasting the steel of my sword will show you!" Eddie flourished his sword and charged at Axel, dodging his machine gun fire. As soon as Eddie was within striking distance, he swung his sword…only for Axel to knock it out of his hand with ease.

"NO!" Eddie said.

Axel then hit Eddie with his tail towards the piles of gold. Eddie slowly gets up, the chin piece of his helmet red hot from the skid, groaning in pain.

"Okay, this is not good." Eddie groaned, cricking his back into place.

"Eddie! Your sword!" Meg pointed to his sword, which was embedded in the ground not far from him.

Eddie was about to run for it…before he got pinned to the ground by Axel.

Axel continued punching him several times. Despite Eddie's strong armor, he was getting hurt very much.

Soon Eddie was indented into the ground, groaning more.

"_**YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS POWER...NOW YOU WILL DIE!**_" Axel said.

"It's useless, not even my powers can't stop him" Eddie whispered.

"EDDIE!" Meg cried.

"_**YOU'RE GOING TO EXTINCT!**_" Axel said, charging his fire from his mouth.

"Well, babe, I guess this is the good-bye" Lionel said.

"At least we'll die together" Marina said,

"***crying*** Matthew...MATTHEW WHERE ARE YOU?!" Connie asked.

***FLASH***

Out of nowhere a winged man appeared in the room: it was Matthew Ryder.

"Is that...?" Eddie turned his head, before groaning in pain.

"Matthew..." Meg whispered.

"AXEL!" Matthew yelled.

Axel looked at Matthew with a venomous glare.

**(A/E: Guys, play _K__anto Gym Intense Action_ while you're reading this scene)**

"I am still looking for that rematch for that fight we had months back!" Matthew approached him "And this time, I won't lose!" He pulled out his sword, "Have at you!"

Axel roared as he charged at Matthew as one of the most epic fights in Family Guy history went underway, even more so than the epic brawl between Peter and Homer Simpson. Axel threw his punches as Matthew, as the angel blocked each strike with his sword. Then Axel swung his tail…only for Matthew to catch it and with a tug, Matthew threw him to the ground

Axel let out another roar as he took to the air and tries to do a downward slam against Matthew…only for Matthew to slice off one of his wings…but since it was made out of mechanical parts, it was reduced to small pieces. Axel lands a bit ungracefully behind Matthew, and proceeds to fire at him with his machine guns, but Matthew made his sword spin like a helicopter's helix to reflect them towards Axel.

Axel charges up a powerful flare attack and fired at the angel, only for Matthew to retaliate with energy blasts of his own. The two powerful attacks meet, causing a big explosion. While Axel was recoiling, Matthew charges at Axel, and with his sword, carved a seal into his chest, and press his hand against it.

Axel let out a roar, as his body began to regress back to normal...soon, Axel was back to being human (his clothes restored) and Matthew look at our heroes.

"Long time no see, pals" Matthew said.

"So...it worked" Eddie said.

"It really worked" Meg said.

"MATTHEW!" Connie exclaimed running to Matthew and hugging him "I missed so much!"

"I missed you too, blondie" Matthew said.

"Wow, look at you!" Meg said, impressed by Matthew's armor "Where did you get that armor? From Asgard?"

"Actually, God gave it to me" Matthew said.

"God?" Eddie asked.

"Because for now on, Connie, I am your Guardian Angel" Matthew said "And I'll protect you for the rest of your life"

"As long you're on my side, I'm happy" Connie said.

**(A/E: And so are many fans who were pissed at me, because I killed off Matthew)**

Then Axel slowly woke up, making everyone (except Matthew) flinch.

"Ugh...ow, ow, my head, this is worse than one thousand hangovers" Axel said as he looked at the destroyed treasures around him, "What happened here?"

"You don't remember?" Eddie asked.

"You've become a combination of War Machine and Godzilla!" Lionel said.

"YOU ALMOST KILLED MY BOYFRIEND!" Meg said "Thanks to you, I'm scarred for life! Not even my suicide attempts are that traumatic!"

"Hey, slow down, Pinky Hat" Axel said "The only thing I remember is that I touched the grail and wished for the power to grant justice… "

"The thing is that when you touched the grail and thought on your wish, it came from the anger and hatred you feel towards the people you hate" Matthew explained "Connie's wish came from her heart"

"And what's up with this tattoo on my chest?" Axel asked.

"It's a seal that keeps your inner beast in your body, only I can unseal it" Matthew answered "Axel, if you continue with the path of violence and destruction. Your parents will never rest in peace"

"Wait, you met my parents?" Axel asked.

"Not only that, they trained me to become a Guardian Angel" Matthew answered "Listen: when you face off against the man who killed them, it will be up to you as to what you do…go with violence and destruction or mercy and peace"

Axel just nodded his head in silence.

"My God…Meg was right…I had been such an ass these past few months…" Axel said "I let my anger taking control to my actions and look at what I've done. Guys, I'm sorry, I promise I'll control myself. And Meg, sorry if I've caused you a big trauma. Would you forgive me?"

"***sigh*** I don't know, Axel, you almost killed the only guy who truly loves me, but...I guess you're wasn't yourself" Meg said "Just...give me time)

"I understand" Axel said.

"Hey, chill out, pal" Lionel said.

"You still have your hunter friends" Marina said.

"And your regular friends" Eddie said "That includes you Connie"

"Me?" Connie asked.

"Yeah, after doing this crazy adventure, I find you much easier to hang out with." Meg said.

"Well, thanks...I guess you're not a loser after all" Connie said "But since my boyfriend became a Guardian Angel, that means your boyfriend is now the loser!"

That comment made Meg extremely angry.

"How dare you call my boyfriend, loser?!" Meg asked "Did you forget he became a powerful knight?!"

"Oh yeah? Did he defeat a dragon with a machine gun?!" Connie asked "No, he got wasted like a U.S.A. congressman! It was Matthew who defeated him! So he wins and Eddie loses!"

"BITCH!" Meg insulted her.

"UGLY!" Connie insulted her back.

"BULIMIC!"

"PIG!"

"I guess my wish of two becoming friends will never come true." Matthew said.

"This is why I don't have girlfriends" Marina said.

"Can I kill them?" Axel asked.

"Come on, guys" Eddie said "They just need to...grow up"

Our heroes laughed as Meg and Connie continued bickering and insulting each other

**End of the chapter**

**(A/E: Sorry for the long waiting. Shen's General and me were working hard to make this third act as action packed as possible. Sometimes I have so many ideas for mindless action scenes and I wanted to put them in my story, I hope you find it fun.)**


	38. ROB-B II: Fighting with Dinosaurs

**Chapter 38: ROB-B II: Fighting with Dinosaurs**

**Disclaimer: the OCs Zack, Cody, Nicole and Maddie don't belong to me, they belong to MalcolmFox. Also, the OCs Cindy, Jessica and Carla belong to Megan Hermione Lovegood. ROB-B and J.A.N.I.C.E. belong to me, however.**

In Quahog's forest; Axel was doing target practice and he shot 12 cans in one shot. He wasn't alone, he was with Dylan, Emily, Matt, Chris, Cleveland Jr.

"Cool shot!" Chris praised.

"Tell me about it. Ever since I touched that grail, it's like I became faster, stronger, and have better aim!" Axel said "I even finally beat down Walker's sister!"

**Flashback**

Axel and Amy were in a dojo, wearing their karate outfits.

"Ladies first" Axel said.

"All right!" Amy said as she charged towards Axel to deliver a flying kick.

But Axel caught her kick and threw her against the wall.

"Wanna do it again?" Axel asked.

"You...win..." Amy answered, sore.

**Flashback's end**

"Told ya', Axel is the boldest guy I've ever met" Emily said.

"Huh, I can be bold too" Dylan said.

"And you are...?" Emily asked.

"Dylan" Dylan answered.

"Nice to meet you, Ian" Emily said.

Then Eddie, Amy and Meg (carrying something on her back) appeared.

"Sorry, we're late, Meg stopped to buy something" Eddie said.

"Let me guess: a new hat?" Axel asked.

"No, THIS!" Meg said, showing off a 2.36-inch Rocket Launcher M1.

"Wow, so you're gonna join us?" Axel asked, quite impressed.

"No, it's in case you transform into that monster and try to kill my boyfriend again" Meg said "My arrows aren't strong enough"

"Relax, bitch, thanks to Matthew-Angelo and the tattoo he gave me, I can't turn into it." Axel said, showing off his seal, "And trust me, I tried to remove it."

**Flashback**

Axel was receiving laser treatment, trying to remove his brand.

"Okay, let's see if we can't get this tattoo off, Mr. Everett." The doctor declared.

**Five****Seconds Later**_…_

The building exploded, leaving nothing but Axel in the wake.

"Wow, now that's what I call…Radioactive." Axel said "***singing*** _Nobody_ _can_ _save_ _you_ _now_..."

**Flashback's End**

"Really? Why would you want to become that beast again? You nearly kill us all!" Eddie said.'

"I said I was sorry! I apologized to you, I apologized to Meg, I apologized to Lionel and Marina, I apologized to Connie…hell, I even apologized to Megan Hermoine Lovegood for even getting the ability to become a mechanical dragon!" He turned to the screen, "Sorry to had disappoint you, ma'am. By the way: what happened to Matthew? Shouldn't he be Connie's guardian right now?"

"He told us that he needs God's permission to stay on Earth" Eddie answered "I wonder how he's doing"

**Flashback**

Matthew was in Heaven talking with a secretary.

"I need to talk to God" Matthew said.

"You have wait on the line" the secretary said.

But the line was 500 ft long and even there's a sign that says 'the line starts here' where he has to wait at another 500 ft long line.

"GOD DAMMIT!" Matthew cursed.

"Please refrain from taking the lord's name in vain." the secretary said.

**Flashback's end**

"I know he's back, but I already miss him" Meg said.

"You know who else I miss?" Eddie asked "Zack"

"Yeah, he's been gone for a while" Axel said.

"And maybe he won't be back for another while" Matt said "It's not like he'll just suddenly appear in front of us"

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, a RV appeared and parked in front of our heroes.

"What the hell?" Eddie asked.

"Hey, this vehicle looks familiar" Axel said "Oh my god, could it be?"

The door opened revealing...good ol' Zack Murdock!

"Zack's back, bitches!" Zack greeted.

"Zack, it's really you!" Eddie cheered.

"I guess I was right" Matt said.

"Oh my god, your magical powers are amazing!" Chris said "Now say this: 'Amy's boobs are gonna grow like balloons!" but Matt remained silent "Come on, say it!"

"Glad to see you again, you son of a bitch" Axel said giving him the hand.

"Pleasure is mine, Ax" Zack said.

"Hey, where's Cody?" Meg asked.

"Here I am!" Cody said coming out "Wow, I missed this place"

"Hey there, boy!" Axel greeted.

"Aren't you still mad at me because I smack you in that fake TV contest?" Cody asked.

"No, not at all" Axel answered, taking out a small candy "Here's some candy"

"Hey, thanks!" Cody thanked, unwrapping it and...

***BOOM***

A small and harmless smoke explosion turned his face gray.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Axel laughed really hard "You should have seen your stupid face!"

Then an angry Nicole appeared. She now wears a blue scarf on her head and a yellow apron.

"Hey! How dare you to do this to my little boy!" Nicole scolded Axel as she cleaned up Cody's face "Don't worry, sweetie, Mommy is gonna clean up your pretty face"

"Mom, you're embarrassing me!" Cody complained.

"Nice to see you too, Nicole...sorta" Axel greeted.

"Hey, Nicole...what the hell are you wearing?" Meg asked, looking at the scarf and the apron.

"Well, I'm a full time mother now" Nicole said "And I dress like any full time mother does"

"Yeah...so a mother from the 40's" Meg said.

"Where's your robot ROB-B?" Dylan asked.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we present you: ROB-B 2.0!" Cody said.

ROB-B appeared with a new upgrade: he doesn't look like a tank anymore, he looks more humanoid with a head, legs and fingers on his hands. He was also blue and white now.

"Wow, ROB-B looks more badass and less cute" Axel said, quite impressed.

"THANK YOU!" ROB-B greeted.

***everybody gasps***

"Yeah, we forgot to tell you" Zack said "ROB-B now has a speaking chip that allows him to say more than just his name"

"IT IS A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU ALL" ROB-B said.

"It's pretty cool to see him talking" Eddie said "But, her voice sounds like the annoying little robot from _Transformers 2. _You know, the one who was Megan Fox's pet"

"For god's sake, the only reason critics hated the Transformers movies is because they are biased towards everything to do Michael Bay and/or has Adam Sandler in it." Axel growled, "It's a miracle that _Hotel Transylvania_ did as good as it did."

"ROB-B also can help me with the housework since THESE TWO laze-Os can't do crap" Nicole said.

"HEY!" Zack and Cody said, offended.

"We do crap" Zack said.

"In the toilet!" Cody said as they both laughed and gave each other a high five.

"What else he can do?" Eddie asked.

"THIS!" Cody said, pressing one of ROB-B's buttons and hip-hop music is played

They both danced like robots.

_Cody and ROB-B:_

_Go ROB-B! Go ROB-B!_

_GO!_

_Go ROB-B! Go ROB-B!_

_GO!_

_Go ROB-B! Go ROB-B!_

_Go! Go! Go! Go!_

_GO!_

_Go ROB-B! Go ROB-B!_

_GO!_

_Go ROB-B! Go ROB-B!_

_GO!_

After they're done, everybody clapped and laughed a little.

"That was sweet" Meg said.

"At least it's better than Justin Bieber" Dylan said.

"Seriously, you guys have a lot to talk about." Eddie said.

"We'll tell you everything, but first!" Zack said "We saved the best for the end!"

"The best?" Meg asked.

"Maddie, come out!" Nicole called.

Suddenly, a toddler girl came out: she looked like a toddler version of Nicole, she had long and spiky blond hair with a red lighting-like mark on it. She wears a sky-blue shirt with Rainbow Dash's Cutie Mark on it, a diaper (kinda like the one toddler Lois wore in 'Valentine's Day in Quahog') and red flaps.

"Guys, this is our daughter Madeline Mary Ann Murdock" Zack said "Maddie for short"

"Oh my god, she looks ADORABLE!" Meg cooed.

"Yeah, she is!" Eddie said, approaching her "Hi, little girl. I'm Eddie, one of your Daddy's friends! So nice to meet you!"

"Hey, your face too close to mine!" Maddie complained, her voice sounds like Cody, but more girly (they both share the same voice actress anyway).

"***gasps*** She talks?" Eddie asked, surprised.

"Yes, I hope you're not one of these fake candy guys who like children too much!" Maddie said.

"Yeah, we were very shocked the first time we heard her talk" Zack said.

**Flashback**

Zack and Nicole were about to have sex until they heard Maddie's cry.

"Goddamn it, Maddie woke up" Nicole said.

"Can we do the quick version?" Zack asked.

"***sigh*** Okay" Nicole answered, taking out her underwear from the covers "I'm ready"

"All right, 3..2...1..." Zack said.

Then an upset Maddie was standing on their door.

"Hey! What part of 'WAAAAH-WAAAAH' didn't you guys get?!" Maddie asked until she realized what she said "Oh, I mean...goo goo, da, da, Lady Gaga?"

**Flashback's end**

"How old is Maddie?" Eddie asked.

"Like 6 months" Zack answered.

"That's impossible!" Eddie said "You were out less than a year and on top of that: if Maddie was really 6 months year old and a pregnancy lasts 9 months..."

"Eddie, we're cartoon characters, why the hell are you trying to put logic into this?" Axel asked, "I was turned into a giant mechanical dragon last episode…which I admit wasn't one of General's bad idea."

(**Shen's A/N: For god sake, I was just trying to add a little flair. I didn't think people would react so negative towards it.**)

"Well, thanks a lot." Axel muttered.

"Well, can you explain THIS?" Amy asked as in a slapstick way, she inhaled too much air that it turned her head into a balloon and she floated.

"I give up" Eddie said.

"Yes, my daughter is adorable" Nicole said, hugging her and kissing her in the head "And I love her"

"I love you more" Maddie replied.

"No, I love you more" Nicole said, with a sweet tone.

"No, I love..."

"No! I love you more!" Nicole angrily shouted "I LOVE YOU MOREEEEE!"

"Okay, you love me more, geez!" Maddie said, annoyed.

"I'm kinda disturbed right now" Eddie said.

"Anyway, I guess you guys wanna hear all about our vacations on Florida" Zack said.

"YES!" everyone, except Cody and Maddie replied.

"NO!" Cody and Maddie said.

"Majority wins" Zack said "Here we go: everything began right after the fake contest..."

"Sis', take this fork and stab my head with it" Cody told, giving her a fork.

"Cool!" Maddie cheered, but then Nicole took the fork.

"You won't stab your brother with anything, young lady" Nicole scolded.

"Nicole, Cody and I were having a good time at Disneyworld..." Zack said.

**Past**

A small montage with Murdocks were in Disneyworld: they went to Magic Kingdom, they ate snacks, they went to the Spinning Cups, only to throw up afterwards and they took photos with Disney characters, only for Nicole to get in a catfight with somebody dressed as Cinderella while Zack and Cody were cheering her on. Everything while the song 'You Might Think' from _Cars_ _2_ is played.

***Eddie's voice*** _God, did the author put a song from Cars 2?_

**Present**

Axel pointed at Eddie with his Desert Eagle.

"You have a problem with that?" Axel asked.

"Hey, my boyfriend has the right to say what he thinks about that movie!" Meg said "If YOU have a problem with that!" She pointed at him with her bazooka "Talk to my bazooka!"

"Okay, I give you points for badassness" Axel said.

"Is that even a word?" Nicole asked.

"Anyway..." Zack said, annoyed since he was interrupted.

**Past**

_It was the best vacation I've ever had in my life. And that's why I was with my son and my sexy redhead babe._

The next morning: they were staying at a hotel where Zack and Nicole happily woke up since last night they had sex.

"My god, Zack, I forgot how good you are in the bed" Nicole said.

"I got excited when you kicked Cinderella's ass with her own glass slipper" Zack said.

"I always jealous of her" Nicole said.

Cody (in his black pajamas with skulls) came in.

"Mom, Dad, something's wrong with...OH MY GOD, YOU'RE NUDE!" Cody screamed of horror and covered his eyes.

"CODY!" Nicole screamed, covering herself.

"Get out and wait for us to get dressed!" Zack ordered.

"You don't have to tell me twice!" Cody replied, getting out the room and he trip down since he was still covering his eyes.

**Few minutes later...**

Zack and Nicole were fully dressed.

"Okay, Son, what is it?" Zack asked.

"Something's wrong with ROB-B" Cody said "He's all static and dizzy"

ROB-B appeared having a malfunction.

"R...RO...ROB...B...!" ROB-B said as in his lens it shows static, rainbow TV and sometimes stock footage of a _Tom and Jerry_ cartoon.

"Did you touch something?" Zack asked.

"No, he was fine yesterday!" Cody said.

"That's why I never upgrade my iPad" Nicole said "I don't trust the terms and conditions"

"Well, maybe this one really needs an upgrade" Zack said, trying to upgrade ROB-B, but in ROB-B's lens is displayed a map. A red dot appeared on the map.

"What is it?" Cody asked.

"No idea, but I think he wants us to go there" Zack said.

"How can you be so sure?" Nicole asked.

"You have a better idea?" Zack asked.

***Eddie's voice*** **Wait a minute...**

**Present**

"Are you gonna keep interrupting me?" Zack asked.

"Sorry, but does that mean ROB-B has always had an owner?" Eddie asked.

"You wanna know? Then shut up and let my husband tell you!" Nicole said.

"Thanks, Nicole" Zack thanked.

"I'm so bored!" Cody complained.

Then Maddie heard something coming from the bushes.

"What's the matter, sis'?" Cody asked.

"Something's behind me" Maddie answered and she threw a rock.

*Stewie's voice* Ow, damn it!"

The Murdock kids (without the adults noticing them) went to see who was hiding from the bushes and it was Stewie.

"Stewie!" Cody exclaimed.

"Who?" Maddie asked.

"He's Meg's baby brother" Cody answered "Why were you spying on us?"

"I was actually spying on Axel, I wanna know everything about his skills...and abs" Stewie said.

"Abs?" Maddie asked, confused.

"He's probably gay" Cody answered.

Suddenly Sophie appeared.

"Hi, Cody!" Sophie greeted.

"Sophie? She's Matt's little sister by the way" Cody said "What are you doing with Stewie?"

"Well, I..." Sophie said, blushing a little.

"She's now my assistant to take over the world" Stewie said "It used to be Brian, but now he's too busy with that Tracy bitch. Anyway, wanna do something fun?"

"Oh, hell yeah!" Maddie answered with excitement.

"Wait, what about our parents?" Cody asked.

"I'll handle this" Stewie said, throwing a disc towards where Cody and Maddie were sitting and the disc displayed hologram versions of them.

"Pretty cool" Cody praised.

"Now let's go" Stewie said as Cody followed her.

"We're gonna be the best friends!" Sophie said.

"Just to let you know: I'm not good at making friends" Maddie said.

**Flashback**

We see Maddie violently beating a bum with a baseball bat as a group of little girls looked at her in horror.

"DON'T-YOU-EVER-TOUCH-MY-FRIENDS!" Maddie shouted until she stopped and looked at the girls "So, I'm in your club?"

"I don't know who's scarier" little girl #1 said.

"At least the funny man offered us candy." little girl #2 said.

Flashback's end

"Now this is the part where we met ROB-B's creator" Zack said.

**Past**

The Murdocks found a relatively nice house with a big gate.

"Are you sure this is the house?" Nicole asked.

"Let's find out" Zack said, pressing the doorbell "Huh, hello?"

***Female and Sexy voice*** _Sorry. This is a private property. You cannot enter without an appointment._

"Huh...miss? We're here with your robot" Zack said.

Then an aqua blue robotic eye appeared and scanned ROB-B.

_Hold on a minute. _

The Murdocks waited for that minute.

_Okay, you can come in._

The gate was opened and the Murdocks were amazed by the house. They even had a fountain with a dolphin statue.

"Zack, I want a house like this" Nicole said.

"Watch it, Nicole, we must act normal for these people." Zack said.

They went through the house's door where they were received by a purple haired young woman on her 20's. She was wearing a black hat that looks like Meg with a skull, a collar, a black/white stripped top, black jeans and black flaps.

"Hello, I'm Jessica Logan" Jessica greeted "I'm working for Ms. Redmond"

"Let me guess: secretary/best friend?" Nicole asked.

"Secretary: yes. Best friend: ...yeah, that too" Jessica answered "Please, come on in"

They went into the house that looks very sophisticated and high-tech house.

"Wow, it's like the Enterprise from the new Star Trek movies" Zack said.

"It's just temporally" Jessica said "Ms. Redmond's real house is in Quahog"

"Hey, that's where we come from!" Zack said.

"Ms. Redmond, they're here" Jessica said, talking through a voice-over to a basement.

_Let them in_

They came downstairs to the basement where they found several inventions and mechanic tools. Then we see Ms. Redmond: another young girl at Jessica's age. She was tall, skinny with some tattoos, her hair was blonde and messy, she was wearing a white tank top, black slacks and black boots. She was listening Sex Pistols music while she was repairing one of her machines.

"Here we are, Ms. Redmond" Jessica said.

"Jess, I told you that you can call me Cindy" Cindy said "You're not just my secretary"

"I was trying to be nice" Jessica said.

"I thought you hate being nice" Cindy said.

"I do, but I'd do it for you" Jessica said "I'm part of your family after all"

"Yes, you are" Cindy said.

"Excuse me, sorry for being rude, but my name is Zack" Zack greeted "And this is my wife Nicole and our son Cody"

"We're not officially married, I'm still waiting for my ring" Nicole said.

"Jessie, can you bring us some iced tea?"

"That would be all, Ms. Red-I MEAN-Cindy?" Jessica asked.

"Yes, Jessica" Cindy said.

"Oh, and may I bring some crackers and cheese?" Nicole asked "I'm kinda hungry right now"

"***sigh*** All right" Jessica said as she went for the ice tea.

"J.A.N.I.C.E. told me you have something that belongs to me" Cindy said,

"J.A.N.I.C.E.?" Nicole asked.

"'Just A Nice Intelligent Computer Employer', right J.A.N.I.C.E.?" Cindy asked.

_Yes, milady._

"Cool, I'd wish I have one too" Zack said, prompting Nicole to glare at him "I mean one with a male voice!"

"That's better" Nicole said.

"Anyway, where's that thing that belongs to me?" Cindy said.

"Oh yeah, ROB-B!" Zack said "Cody"

Cody shows off ROB-B, again suffering malfunctions.

"My god, what have you done to my poor robot?" Cindy asked.

"What have WE done?!" Cody asked "YOU tossed him in the garbage like a broken vacuum! Me and my dad found him, we fixed him and it's now part of the family!"

"***sarcastically*** And you did an awesome job" Cindy said "But seriously, it's a fragile robot who suffers too much"

"Fragile? HA! For your information, sister: he's a fighting robot!" Zack said "He had won several fights, he's the Rocky Balboa of robots!"

"***sigh*** there's something you should know" Cindy said.

**Flashback**

_A few years ago..._

***Eddie's voice*** _Wait, now we're in a flashback's flashback?_

***Zack's voice*** _Axel, tie him up._

***Screaming noises***

***Zack's voice*** _Thank you._

_I was a super intelligent young girl. I didn't have many friends, but I didn't care, because science was my passion...and Harry Potter books. I bought one of the ROB-Bs and gave something that we, the human beings have: personality. I thought I was a special child until this day of my high school's science fair._

We see 17 years old Cindy reading science books, making machines and reading _Harry Potter_ books. Then we see her putting a special chip on ROB-B that made him having a personality. Then she appeared in a science fair of her high school with a then new and shiny ROB-B.

"And the winner of the science fair is..." The judge said as Cindy smiled of excitement.

I knew I was going to win, but...

"Melanie Baxter!" The judge exclaimed as Cindy's vanished instantly vanished "And her vicious and powerful Robosaurus Rex!"

Melanie Baxter was about two years younger than Cindy, she was brunette with a ponytail. She wears glasses, a white lab robe, a Scottish skirt and matching flaps. She had a giant robotic T-Rex as he roared.

***Past Cody's voice*** _Finally! I was wondering why the subtitle of the chapter was 'Fighting with Dinosaurs'._

***Present** **Eddie's voice*** _Hey, he can...?_

***Present Zack voice*** _You forgot to tape his mouth._

***Tape sound and sticking sound***

***Present Eddie's muffling***

***Present Zack's voice*** _Thank you again._

"No..." young Cindy whispered.

"YEAH!" Melanie cheered "I am the Queen of the Dinosaurs! Robo-X! Eliminate that garbage bin!"

Robo-X grabbed ROB-B with his mouth and sent him out of the school gym where the sience fair took place and ROB-B ended up in a garbage truck going to Quahog.

"ROB-B!" young Cindy screamed.

_I was devastated...so much that I never made another invention again...for two weeks. _

**Flashback's end**

The Murdocks just stared at her, unimpressed.

"Hey, it was very long for a passionate scientist like me!" Cindy said.

"Listen: that was a...pretty sad story" Zack said.

Jessica finally appeared with the iced tea and a plate of crackers with cheese.

"Here's the drinks and snacks" Jessica said.

"You took it too long!" Nicole shouted as she rudely took the plate and ate the crackers and cheese.

"But can you please fix ROB-B?" Zack asked.

"I'm afraid I can't..." Cindy said.

Then a 16 years old teenage gothic girl appeared: she was black haired with a red strip, she was wearing a piercing on her nose, a midriff-exposing black tank top, a black tutu, and black and red striped tights with black sneakers. She also wears a lot of black make up.

"Cindy, where's my favorite spider earrings I bought from Hot Topic?" the gothic girl asked.

"Goddamn it, Carla, don't you see I'm busy?!" Cindy asked, annoyed.

Then Cody saw Carla and, despite being a toddler, he felt he was watching a beautiful woman.

"Whoa..." Cody whispered, stunned by Carla's gothic beauty.

"Why don't you go and watch TV instead?" Cindy asked.

"Can I come with her...?" Cody asked.

"Sure, you can watch cartoons together" Cindy answered.

"I'm not a kid anymore..." Carla said as she and Cody sat in the sofa and turned on the TV.

"What about ROB-B?" Zack asked.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think I can repair him..." Cindy said.

***TV announcer*** _And we're back with The Ultimate Robo-Fighter!_

Our Heroes turned to the TV where there's a robot match on live.

**TV Cutaway**

We see a white robot with boxing gloves fighting...ROBO-X! The fight didn't last 5 seconds as Robo-X devoured it and turned it into a diet coke can.

_And it's over! The winner is Robo-X!_

We see the robot's owner getting the trophy: Melanie Baxter.

"Any words, miss?" the announcer asked.

"Robo-X never lost a battle, whatever he bites, it dies" Melanie said.

"Wow, what a sucky Rocky 4 reference" the announcer commented.

"Robo-X..." Melanie said as Robo-X grabbed the announcer.

"AAAAAHHHHHHH!" the announcer screamed.

**TV Cutaway's end**

"Wait, isn't that girl who humiliated you years ago?" Carla asked.

"***whispering*** Baxter..." Cindy said with hatred.

**TV Cutaway**

"You can challenge this beast anytime, nobody will bring him down!" Melanie said.

**TV Cutaway's end**

"Until NOW!" Cindy said "I'll challenge you and bring your beast down!"

"How, do you have a fighting robot?" Zack asked.

"Not yet, first I need to fix ROB-B and then make him strong enough to defeat Melanie's robot!" Cindy said.

"So, you'll do it?!" Cody asked, excited.

"Didn't you say he can't get fixed?" Zack asked.

"I wasn't motivated, but now I know ROB-B can do anything" Cindy said "He just need a little update"

"Just to be sure: there won't be any terms and conditions?" Nicole asked.

**Present**

"And so, we began to fix, update and most importantly: train ROB-B for his fight" Zack said.

Meanwhile; Stewie, Sophie, Cody and Maddie were in Mayor West's mansion.

"What are we doing in Mayor West's mansion?" Cody asked.

"Simple: we're going to steal this" Stewie said, looking through a high-tech binoculars that has x-rays, so he can see through the walls until the treasure storage.

Inside of the storage, there's a beautiful collar with a heart-shaped ruby on it.

"What is it?" Cody asked.

"He calls it 'the Lovely Heart', it worths millions of dollars" Stewie said "Unfortunately, it has a very sophisticated security system: moving lasers, hidden explosives and dogs. It won't be that easy"

"Are you kidding?" Maddie asked "It seems too easy for me"

"And how a dumb blonde like you would find this easy?" Stewie asked.

"Listen: all I need are mirrors, pebbles and bones" Maddie said.

"I'll go for the mirrors!" Sophie said, leaving.

"I'll go for the bones" Cody said, leaving.

"And you can go for the pebbles" Maddie said.

"Who made you the boss here?" Stewie asked.

"Just do it!" Maddie demanded.

"All right! All right!" Stewie agreed as he leaves "Damn it, she's a bigger bitch than Mary Jane Watson"

**Cutaway**

The scene from _Spider-Man 3_ where Mary Jane breaks up with Peter.

"Why are you breaking up with me?" Peter asked, crying "I love you! I'm Spider-Man!"

"ARGH! Because you cry and bitch too much!" Mary Jane said, annoyed "***imitating Peter Parker*** Wah-wah, my uncle died! Wah-wah, my best friend hates me! Wah-wah J. Jonah Jameson doesn't appreciates my duty as Spider-Man! Grow some balls, man!"

**Cutaway's end**

We're back with our heroes in the campsite (Eddie was tied to a chair and with his mouth taped).

"Now here's the part where ROB-B gets an improvement and...something else" Zack said.

**Past**

A little montage where Cindy works hard on ROB-B's update: She eliminates the computer viruses, she built some new parts (background we see blue prints of a humanoid machine) and she changed colors. The Murdocks helped her a lot, after all, ROB-B is part of their family. One day, Nicole was suffering from a stomach bug, so they went to see a doctor where he told them some exciting news. Nicole hugged Zack, happy for the news. Everything happened while the rest of the song from the beginning was played

After a painstaking month, ROB-B was ready.

"Ladies and gentlemen: I present you: ROB-B 2.0!" Cindy said, taking out the cloth revealing the new and improved ROB-B.

"Wow, I gotta admit: he looks fantastic" Zack said.

"You look cool, ROB-B!" Cody said.

"THANK YOU!" ROB-B thanked.

Everybody gasped, except Cindy.

"He talks!" Cody said.

"Yup! I installed him a voice chip that allows him to speak" Cindy said.

"Now, what?" Nicole asked.

"The robot match is in two weeks" Zack said "Let's train!"

**Present**

"And so, we prepared him for the biggest match of his life" Zack said.

Eddie was getting sick of being tied until he noticed found out Cody and Maddie are holograms. He tried to tell this to his friends, but he couldn't talk.

"What's wrong, Eddie?" Meg asked.

"He wants to interrupt the story again" Axel said "Shut up, female Meg!"

"He's a guy, you know" Meg said.

"Shut up, male Meg" Axel said.

Meanwhile, in Mayor West's mansion; Maddie had a bandage wrapped around her head and a bandage around her arm. She pressed the doorbell and it was answered by Carol.

"Oh, my!" Carol gasped.

"Please, ma'am...***cough*** ***cough***, help me!" Maddie begged, pretending to be sick.

"Come on in, little girl" Carol said, letting Maddie in.

The rest of the kids (wearing black outfits) came in without getting noticed. Carol brought Maddie to the living room.

"Wait, here, I'll make you some hot chocolate" Carol said.

As Carol went to the kitchen, the kids came out and Maddie took out her bandages,

"That was a great performance" Stewie praised.

"They should give me an Oscar" Maddie said "Come on, let's go!"

The kids went into the storage (it was behind a Mona Lisa painting, but with Carol's face). Where they found the traps that Stewie described: the moving lasers, the dogs and the hidden explosives.

"Now what, 'genius'?" Stewie asked.

"Just shut up and watch this" Maddie said, throwing several pebbles and...

***BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM***

The explosives were gone. Then Maddie threw the bones away, so the dogs can go for them. And finally she used two mirrors to reflect the lasers toward their power sources and destroyed them.

"Let's go" Maddie said as the toddlers were extremely surprised by her resourcefulness.

"I won't give her forks to stab me" Cody said.

"There it is: the biggest prize" Maddie said "Told ya, it was SO easy"

"I don't know, Maddie, I feel something is missing in this security room" Sophie said

"Come on, what other thing is missing?" Maddie asked as she just took the collar and...

Then a giant boulder appeared and rolled towards the toddlers. The toddlers ran as fast as possible until they saw the door was about to close. The toddlers slid to reach the door and the last toddler was Maddie, who in slow-mo, we see that in the very last second, the collar was snapped out of her hands.

"Phew, that was close" Cody said.

"The collar! We were SO CLOSE!" Stewie shouted "This sucks more than _Frozen_'s split up fandom!"

**Flashback**

Two guys came out of the theater after watching.

"That movie was AWESOME!" Guy #1 said.

"Uh...yeah, it was good" Guy #2 said.

_Days later..._

The same guy was writing on his computer his thoughts of _Frozen:_

_'Frozen was good...'_

Then he turned around and saw his roommate getting obsessed with Frozen merchandise. He was making out a sex doll of Elsa.

"Oh, Elsa, you're the most beautiful ice queen" Guy #1 said.

Annoyed, he changed his thoughts of his movie:

_'FROZEN SUCKS! :('_

**(A/E: Seriously, haters, you have NO GOOD REASON to criticize this movie so harshly! At least it wasn't dull and forgetful like _Dinosaur_, or stupid and childish like _Home_ _on the Range_ or cruel and mean-spirited like _Chicken Little_! And lovers, settle down! I know you love this movie, but my god, this obsession is unhealthy! This is why you got haters! No, you both groups GO TO THE CONNER AND THINK OF WHAT YOU'VE DONE!)**

**Flashback's end**

Back to the campsite...

"Okay guys, this is it...this is the big one...ROB-B's biggest battle" Zack said "Are you ready for..."

"Just spit it out!" Nicole said.

"Okay, dear..." Zack said.

**Past**

The robot match was about to start as both opponents stared at each other: Cindy and Zack against Melanie Baxter and her team who operates Robo-X.

"Well, well, well, it's been a long time, Redmond" Melanie said "You better call a garbage truck to take your piece of scrap!"

"And you better call a museum, because this one will look nice in their exhibition once we finish him off!" Cindy said.

"Grrr! You won't be laughing for long!" Melanie warned "Let's go, team!"

***Announcer*** _Welcome, everybody! To the battle between the champion Robo-X..._

***crowd cheering***

_...and the challenger ROB-B!_

***crowd booing***

"This robot sucks!" random guy said.

"HEY! This robot is my son's friend!" Nicole said, who has a pregnant belly and she punched him in the face "Oh yeah, pregnant mothers rule!"

"I better keep my mouth shut" Cody said, kinda scared.

We see ROB-B facing off ROBO-X.

"I PROMISE I WILL FIGHT HONORABLY, MR. ROBOSAURUS-X" ROB-B said.

And to make things exciting, the battle will be...IN A CAGE!

"WHAT?" ROB-B asked.

They put a cage over the ring.

"WAIT, THERE HAS TO BE A MISTAKE!" ROB-B said "NOBODY TOLD ME ABOUT A CAGE!"

But he turned around and saw ROBO-X staring at him and let out his frightening roar.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" ROB-B screamed, running around the ring.

"This...is embarrassing" Zack said with a deadpan tone.

"HA! HA! HA!" Melanie laughed "I knew this robot is a failure!"

"Zack, remember the new ROB-B's abilities" Cindy said.

"Okay..." Zack said, looking at the control and pressed the green button.

ROB-B stopped and started dancing and singing.

_Cody and ROB-B:_

_Go ROB-B! Go ROB-B!_

_GO!_

_Go ROB-B! Go ROB-B!_

_GO!_

***crowd laughing***

"Cody, would you explain this?" Nicole asked.

"I was...planning on being a rapper" Cody answered, ashamed.

ROB-B was caught by ROBO-X's mouth and he was ready to eat ROB-B

"Press another button" Cindy said "The red one!"

**_LASER BEAM_**

Zack pressed the red button and ROB-B shot a laser beam from his eyes, hitting the robotic dinosaur in the eye. The dino roared as he dropped ROB-B from his mouth.

"Hell, yeah!" Zack cheered.

"In your face, Baxter!" Cindy mocked.

"***chuckling*** Nice special move, here's mine!" Melanie said.

Then ROBO-X started breathing fire. Luckily, ROB-B dodged it.

"Press the yellow button!" Cindy said as Zack pressed the yellow button.

**_ROLLERBLADES_**

Then ROB-B's feet turned into wheels and rollerbladed around the ring to avoid the flames.

"You know, this is a fight, not dodge-flame!" Melanie said.

"Uh...I don't think that's a game, boss" one of Melanie's teammates commented as Melanie slapped him for his stupidity.

"We're in big trouble, Cindy!" Zack said.

"We're almost there, press the blue button!" Cindy ordered.

Zack pressed the blue button which ROB-B acquired a ray gun

**_FREEZE RAY_**

"OH YEAH!" ROB-B cheered "TAKE THIS!"

ROBO-X and ROB-B attacked with their respective moves.

"It's useless, ROBO-X's flamethrower is unstoppable!" Melanie said.

"Flamethrower energy: 2%" Melanie's teammate said.

"Wait, what?" Melanie asked.

ROBO-X's flamethrower ran out and he was encased in ice. ROB-B walked over to him, and tap it with his fist, shattering the beast to pieces.

The battle is over and the new champion is ROB-B!

***crowd cheering***

"YEAH! THAT'S MY ZACK!" Nicole cheered.

Our heroes received the trophy as they saw a really pissed and humiliated Melanie.

"You know, Melanie? That was a great fight and I learned something: I may had failed at first, but if I work hard, I can do better next time" Cindy said.

"Did I ask for your pity, Redmond?!" Melanie asked "I'll be back and next time my robot will be bigger and stronger!"

Melanie whistled to his assistants to pick up ROBO-X's parts and they leave.

"Sore loser" Cindy said.

Nicole and Cody appeared as Nicole passionately kissed Zack.

"I'm so proud of you" Nicole said.

"I just did my best, babe" Zack said "Oh, I almost forgot" he kneeled and took out a box out of his pockets "Nicole Whatever-Your-Last-Name-Is..." he opened the box revealing a ring "...would you marry me and be a completed family?"

"Oh...my...GOD! YES, I WANT TO MARRY YOU!" Nicole cheered, giving him a powerful hug and kiss.

***Crowd** **cheering***

"Well, congratulations, Zack" Cindy said, as they both touched their fists.

"That was a great fight, Ms. Red-I mean, Cindy" Jessica said.

"Thanks for the compliment, Jessica" Cindy said as she lightly kissed Jessica in the lips, making the Murdocks surprised a little.

"Are they...?" Nicole asked.

"Does it matter?" Zack asked.

**Present**

The toddlers came back from Mayor West's mansion. Without getting noticed, Cody and Maddie sat down in the place where the holograms took place.

"And that's how we spent our vacation" Zack said.

"Wow, that was a fantastic story, Zack" Meg said.

"Especially your robot taking down that dinosaur robot" Axel said.

"Okay, Eddie, you can talk" Zack said, taking out Eddie's tape.

"OW! Hey, be careful!" Eddie said "Anyway, your kids were replaced by holograms!"

Everybody looked at Cody (polishing his gothic ring) and Maddie (whistling) just fine.

"Yeah, right" Zack said, not believing Eddie.

"I swear they were gone a second ago!" Eddie said.

"You know what? Let's leave Eddie tied up tonight" Zack said.

"YEAH!" Everybody, except Meg agreed as they all went to their respective homes.

"Wait, where are you going?!" Eddie asked.

"I won't leave you here alone in this forest, Eddie" Meg said, untying him.

"You're an angel..." Eddie said, dropping a tear.

"And no, nothing will change my mind like in many shows where the characters abandon or punish someone who doesn't deserve it until somebody shows concern, but abandons him or her in the very last minute" Meg said as she looked at us "Don't pretend you have seen it before! But in this fanfic: we break tropes"

**TROPE-BREAKERS!**

**(A/E: Next time we'll remake _the Matrix_ with fast-forward motion instead of slow-motions!)**

Meanwhile; Stewie and Sophie were walking home.

"Well, our plan to steal the collar failed miserably" Stewie said "But I have to admit: not bad for your first day"

"Thank you, Stewie" Sophie thanked, blushing.

"Sophie, there's something I wanted tell you..." Stewie said.

"Oh my gosh, really?" Sophie asked with a big smile.

"Do you think Maddie is awesome?" Stewie asked, banishing Sophie's smile "Because I think she's awesome"

"***sarcastically*** Thank you, Mr. aldovas, for pleasing StewiexMaddie shippers" Sophie said, upset.

"What did you say?" Stewie asked.

"Huh...what about the destruction we made to Mayor West's storage?" Sophie asked.

"Meh, I don't think Mayor West will care" Stewie answered.

But when Mayor West saw his destroyed storage. He fell on knees and started punching the ground

"You stupid dogs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!" Mayor West cried.

**End of the Chapter**

****(A/E: I want to thank Megan Hermione Lovegood for letting me using your OCs. You're a nice and kind friend. And I hope you liked this Maddie, I know she's designed different, but I promise to keep her personality as faithful to the original.)****


	39. Quahog Crusaders

**Chapter 39: Quahog Crusaders**

**(A/E: As a promotion of Disney's _Big Hero 6_, here's a superhero-themed chapter! Enjoy it!)**

In a darkly night of Quahog, a superhero vigilante was watching over the city.

_This city is full of criminals, rapists, corrupted politicians...wait, this sounds a little cliché. I'll start over. In a world where evil doesn't stop...you know what? Screw this, I'll go with my introduction. I am the only one who can bring justice to this city...I am..._

White Magician revealed himself and posed in a cool way as his name appeared in a comic book style.

**_WHITE MAGICIAN!_**

Then we cut to two burglars stealing...a pet store?

"Oh yeah, we'll steal these animals and then re-sell them for more money!" Burglar #1 said.

"Hey, boss! Can we leave hamsters alone?" Burglar #2 asked, as his face was like a red balloon "I'm allergic to them"

"Shut up and put them in the truck!" Burglar #1 ordered.

But luckily, White Magician appeared to stop them.

"Kidnapping some innocent animals? That's a new low" White Magician/Matt said as he concentrated his magic powers on one finger "Now prepare to meet my..."

Then out of nowhere, an arrow pinned the burglar's sleeve against the wall. And then another arrow did the same with the other sleeve. White Magician turned around to see a woman who wore a pink version of Green Arrow's costume from the _Arrow_ TV show. The other burglar tried to escape, but the woman jumped on him and threatened him with an arrow.

"You have failed this city!" the woman said with a deep and dark tone. Yet, her voice sounds familiar.

"Please, don't hurt me!" Burglar #2 begged "I'll never do that again!"

"I know you won't..." the woman said, shooting the arrow, pinning the man's sleeve.

"HEEELP!" Burglar #2 screamed as the woman leave.

"Wait!" White Magician/Matt said as the woman stopped "Um...thank you"

"You're welcome" the woman replied.

"Who are you, by the way?" White Magician/Matt asked.

"You can call me...Pink Arrow" Pink Arrow said as her name appeared in comic book style too.

**PINK ARROW**

As soon the police was coming, Pink Arrow quickly left as the cops arrived.

"Stay still, White Magician!" Joe ordered "Your days of vigilantism are over!"

"Vigilantism?" One of the cops asked.

"What? People don't say that?" Joe asked back.

"Eh...I don't think so, men" White Magician said as he waved his hands.

The cops started shooting at them and strangely there was no blood shots on him. When he collapsed, the cops realized the costume was completely empty.

Matt escaped with his teleporting and got back home, but he ended up in white briefs.

"Who was that woman?" Matt asked.

_Matt! Are you awake?_

"Uh, Dad?" Matt asked, pretending he was waking up.

_Sorry, did I wake you up?_

"Uh, yeah, sorta, but it's okay" Matt answered "I'll go back to sleep"

Bruce was behind Matt's door.

"Good night, Son" Bruce said as he looked at us "Hey, I know he was doing his job as White Magician and he must be tired. I feel sorry for superheroes with nagging fathers"

**Cutaway**

We see Spider-Man and Superman drinking coffee.

"I'm serious, my father, despite being a ghost, can't give me a break!" Superman complained.

"Tell me about it" Spider-Man said, drinking her coffee.

"Why? Do you have a ghost father too?" Superman asked.

"Uh, sorta..." Spider-Man said as he imagined the ghosts of Captain George Stacy and Gwen Stacy next to Superman.

"You let my daughter die, you son of a bitch!" George shouted.

"Thank you for saving me, 'hero'" Gwen said, sarcastically.

"Hey, give me a break! I was in a tough spot!" Spider Man roared.

Superman glanced at him oddly.

**Cutaway's end**

At the next day, in James Woods High School; Matt was looking at every girl of school to see who's Pink Arrow.

_There's at least 100 girls in this school. Pink Arrow is tall, she has a sexy voice and she has amazing archery skills. She couldn't be Amy, she's too short. Connie has a sexy voice, but I doubt she has ever used a bow and arrows. That means..._

"Hey, Matt!" Meg greeted.

"Oh, hi, Meg" Matt greeted.

"Have you seen the newspaper this morning?" Meg asked, taking out the newspaper and showing the news about Pink Arrow.

"Hey, look! There was a blackout yesterday!" Matt said, ignoring the news about Pink Arrow.

"No...PINK ARROW!" Meg said, pointing at the picture of Pink Arrow "The new superhero of Quahog! I guess you're not longer the only protector of Quahog"

"Okay, Meg, I pretended not knowing who's that new heroine, but it's obviously you" Matt said, crossing his arms.

"Me? I'm not..." but Matt has a 'I'm not buying you' face "Please, don't tell anyone. Eddie would get crazy if he finds out his girlfriend is putting her life in danger to protect this city"

"That's okay, I just needed to know that" Matt said "Hey, maybe we should make our own superhero club"

"That would be exciting!" Meg said "More exciting than the death of Joffrey Baratheon in _Game of Thrones_"

**Flashback**

Meg was jumping on the couch of happiness.

"YES! THAT F*CKING TWAT IS DEAD!" Meg cheered until she stopped "You know, this gives me an idea for Axel's wedding"

**Flashback's end**

Eddie and Amy was coming back to home in their apartment. When they entered, they found their mother in the living room...with another man. He had long black-haired, he wears glasses, a white sweater, red pants and white shoes. Eddie and Amy got shocked by what they saw.

"Oh no, Mom is with another man!" Amy screamed.

"Why, Mom?!" Eddie asked "Don't you love Dad anymore?!"

"Children, I'm not cheating on your father!" Helena said "Eddie, don't you remember Mr. Anderson?"

"Mr. Anderson?" Eddie asked, remembering him, "Like...Wes Anderson?"

"The film director?" Amy asked.

"That's what everyone said to me" Wes laughed "But hey, I don't mind sharing the same full name of the director of _the Royal Tenenbaums_, _Moonrise Kingdom _and_ Fantastic Mr. Fox" _

"Hey, I remember you!" Eddie said "You were my child psychologist!"

**Flashback**

At first the flashback was in black and white; a 13 year old Eddie was coming out of the hospital (after 'the Passion of the Christ torture') in a wheelchair. He was feeling broken until he met Wes Anderson and the whole flashback turned into color.

_After Juvenile Hall, I was feeling broken, like Korra during the first episodes of season 4. I thought I would never be happy again...until I met Mr. Anderson and my life changed for the better._

Then we see Eddie and Anderson in a beautiful meadow where there were mountains and waterfalls in the background.

"Eddie, life is beautiful and it should be appreciated every second of it" Wes said.

"Life is beautiful?" young Eddie asked "How?"

"Close your eyes and use your imagination" Wes answered.

Eddie closed his eyes and when he opened it. He was skating in a frozen lake while Wes was looking at him, having fun.

"This is amazing!" Kid Eddie happily laughed.

_It was wonderful, he let me do things I never thought I would do! _

He found himself playing football, then being a king and then a spaceman.

_I could be a football player, or a king, or a spaceman!_

**Flashback's end**

"Or a football playing king in space...with a mustache!" Amy said, pretending to have a mustache.

"Look at you, Eddie, you've become a fantastic young man" Wes said.

"You have no idea, Mr. Anderson" Eddie said.

"Please, just Wes, Mr. Anderson is Keanu Reeves" Wes said as everybody laughed.

"You also taught me A LOT about movies" Eddie said "Thanks to you, I have the dream to become a film director"

"I'm sure that dream will come true" Wes said "Mrs. Walker, may I ask you something?"

"Of course, Mr. Anderson" Helena said.

"Just Wes, please" Wes told "Anyway my question is this: aren't you seeing somebody?"

"What do you mean?" Helena asked, confused.

"I mean if you're..." Wes said.

Somebody entered the apartment and it was Frank, who's also carrying something in a plastic bag.

"Hello, Family!" Frank greeted.

"DADDY!" Amy exclaimed, as she skipped to give a hug "I MISSED YOU!"

"Come on, I just went back to the modeling building for my camera" Frank said.

"Dad, I'd like you to meet Mr. Wes Anderson, my child psychologist" Eddie said.

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Anderson" Frank said.

"Nice to meet you too..." Wes said, with a confused tone "I didn't know you got remarried, you told me you're divorced"

"Frank and I had a bad past, but we learned to overcome it and here we are" Helena said.

"We're a completed family once again" Frank said.

"Isn't that great, Mr. Anderson?" Amy asked.

"Yeah...it is" Wes said as he stood up "Sorry, everybody, but I have to go"

"You're welcome to our apartment" Helena bowed.

"Bye, Mr. Anderson!" Amy said.

"See you next time" Eddie said.

"Pleasure to meet you, sir" Frank said.

Wes just left the apartment as Helena had a suspicious frown.

"Funny, Mr. Anderson seemed a little…disappointed" Helena said.

"Maybe he forgot an appointment" Frank said, taking out ice cream out of the plastic bag "Anyway, who wants ice cream?!"

"ME!" Eddie and Amy exclaimed.

But Helena was more focused on Wes's behavior.

Meanwhile, in Tracy's apartment; Axel was typing on his computer. He seemed very upset.

"'And that's why this crossover is the absolute WORST!'" Axel said what he typed as Dylan came in.

"Hey, Ax, what's up?" Dylan asked "Why you seem pissed?"

"Because of the crossover of OUR fanfic and 'the Unknown Griffin'!" Axel answered.

"Does it suck?" Dylan asked.

"Actually, it was pretty cool, but I was a BUTT MONKEY in this crossover!" Axel answered "That's why I wrote a whole rant about how much this crossover sucks! Honestly, I did not sign up to get my ass kicked by a bitch!"

"Wow, you sound like the Nostalgia Critic right now." Dylan pointed out.

"Well, I can respect a man who would watch _FoodFight, _easily one of the worst animated movies of all time." Axel nodded.

Axel was about to submit his rant until he received an E-Mail. Axel checked it out and it happened to be an invitation.

"What is it?" Dylan asked.

"'You're invited to the 'Quahog Crusaders', a superhero club where we team up to fight against evil'" Axel said, reading the invitation "'All you need is a costume, a superhero name and of course: a catchphrase'. The club will be in abandoned ice factory. And remember: 'Quahog Crusaders' United!"

"A superhero club?" Dylan asked "AWESOME!"

"Yeah, it would be awesome being in an Avengers-like team" Axel said "I'll ask Brian if he can join us!"

Then we see Axel and Dylan in the Griffins' house, where they talked about the club to Brian.

"Absolutely not!" Brian said "Nobody is gonna join some stupid superhero club.

"Come on, Dad!" Dylan said "This is my chance to use my werewolf form to help people!"

"You have any idea what happen to the superheroes?" Brian asked "They can get hurt, they put their families in danger and..."

"They get all the chicks they want" Axel added.

"I'm serious, Axel" Brian said "This is a bad idea"

"That's all right, we won't force you to join us..." Axel said as he pinched him in the neck, which it caused him to pass out, "I'll only knock you out and drag you along with us."

**Later...**

Brian slowly woke up and he was...in the 60's version of the Bat-cave.

"What the hell?!" Brian asked.

"So your father wants to burrow my old Batman costume to become a hero?" Mayor West asked.

"Of course...!" Brian said as Axel covered his mouth.

"Yes, Mayor West" Axel answered.

"Finally, the moment to continue my legacy has come!" Mayor West exclaimed as he gave Brian his old Batman costume "Take care of it like a child"

"Hey, guys!" Stewie said (dressed as Robin), appearing out of nowhere "How do I look?"

"Stewie?!" Brian asked.

"He offered to be Robin" Mayor West said as he handled a Batgirl costume to Axel "That means YOU are gonna be Batgirl!"

"Give it to Eddie, because I already chose my Alias" Axel said, stripping off, revealing an outfit similar of Hawkeye from the Avengers and his superhero name appeared in comic book style.

**_HAWK HUNTER!_**

"Whatever, looks like Dylan will be..." Mayor West said as he realized Dylan became a werewolf, but he left his pants on.

"Sorry, I got my alias too!" Dylan said as he did an intimidating pose and his superhero name appeared too.

**_WILD SAVAGE!_**

"And now, my worthy successor" Mayor West said to Brian "You'll be forever..."

**_THE DOG KNIGHT!_**

"What do you said, Brian?" Axel asked "Tracy will love you even more!"

Then Brian imagined how would be his life as a superhero.

**Flashback**

Brian (wearing the Batman mask) and Tracy (wearing a sexy white lingerie) were in a cabin as they were making out.

"I love you, my hero..." Tracy said.

As they both started having sex, we also see Quagmire's head hanging on the wall.

**Flashback's end**

"...all right, I'll do it" Brian accepted, smiling.

"YEAH, let's kick some ass!" Stewie said.

"Oh no, you're not going, football head" Axel said.

"What?" Stewie asked,

"This is for heroes only, are you a hero?" Axel asked "I don't think so"

"B-but, I look super cute with that costume!" Stewie said.

"Sorry, Stewie, but if you wanna be a hero, you have to be a good person first" Brian said "And...you're not exactly a saint"

"Please, let me join you!" Stewie begged.

"Piss off, baby Lex Luthor!" Axel said as he leaves and Dylan followed him.

"Sorry, Stewie" Brian said as he followed Axel and Dylan.

"Oh yeah, this is gonna be more awesome than monster trucks" Axel said.

**Cutaway**

We see a commercial of Monster Trucks with Al Harrington dressed as a tough trucker.

"Hey, you punk! You wanna crush cars like a killer?!" All asked "Buy an EXTREME RIGS! They're EXTREMELY big, they have EXTREMELY big wheels and of course they have an EXTREME speed of 300 miles by hour! And they can crush cars EXTREMELY WELL! Let's make a test on my ex's car!"

Al was crushing his ex's car with his monster truck. Obviously, his ex wasn't happy at all.

"ARE YOU INSANE?!" Al's ex asked, outraged.

"Yes, I'm insane TO THE EXTREME!" Al exclaimed.

He ended up in jail, but he's still doing the commercial.

"What are you waiting for?!" Al asked "Go and buy an EXTREME RIGS! They'll make you feel EXTREEEEEEEEEME!"

"Hey, pal, pass me the toilet paper" Al's cellmate said, who's taking a dump.

**Cutaway's end**

"You were supposed to accept me..." Stewie said as he changed his sad expression to an angry one "I'll make you regret for this..."

"Do you want the Batgirl costume?" Mayor West asked.

"Oh yeah, I'll look fabulous with that!" Stewie answered, forgetting his anger for a moment.

Later; Brian, Axel and Dylan arrived at the abandoned ice factory where Eddie used to train. Brian knocked the door with a small opener and somebody opened the opener to show his eyes.

_Password_

"Aw, come on, since heroes need a pass-?" Brian asked.

"'Scarlett Johansson gives me a boner'" Axel answered.

Then the door was opened and the guys entered. All the guests were sitting in chairs to form a circle. There was White Magician and Pink Arrow and the rest were: a couple wearing _Power Rangers_ knock-off brown (for the guy) and white (for the girl) costumes, except their helmets are a cartoony goose (for the guy) and a cartoony swan (for the girl) and somebody wearing an Iron Man-like armor, but all with gold and black.

"Welcome to the Quahog Crusaders Club" White Magician greeted.

"You are all welcome" Pink Arrow said.

"So, this is the superhero club, Pinky Hat?" Axel asked.

"Damn it, now everybody knows my secret identity!" Meg complained.

"It's okay, Meg, our friends know how to keep secrets" Matt said.

"Yeah, we won't tell anyone that our names are Jillian and Jackie" Jillian said, revealing her secret identity.

"Jilly-bean, no..." Jackie said, face-palming.

"Ah...did I do something wrong?" Jillian asked, confused.

"Jillian? Jackie?" Brian asked "Are you superheroes too?"

"Actually we are..." Jackie said as he and Jillian made their poses and their superheroes' names are shown.

**_CAPTAIN GOOSE AND LADY SWAN!_**

"Just one question: where did you get those costumes?" Dylan asked.

"We made them out of Power Rangers costumes" Jackie answered "The best TV show ever made"

"You mean the stupidest show ever made" Axel said "Yeah, me and my folks never liked it"

"Oh my god, did you invite Robert Downey Jr. too?!" Dylan asked looking at the person of the iron suit.

"_Honestly, I doubt he would ever wear an actual Iron Mam suit_" the iron suit said, with a female and familiar voice "_It would be too heavy for him_"

"Wait, Cindy Redmond?" Brian asked.

She took out her helmet, revealing her face.

"You can call me..." Cindy said as her superhero name is shown.

**_IRON BRAWLER!_**

"YOU!" Axel exclaimed, pointing at him "YOU FROZE ME IN CARBONITE AND PETRIFIED ME IN THE CROSSOVER!"

"Axel, she's NOT the Cindy who did that, but the OTHER Cindy from another Universe" Brian said "This Cindy hasn't do anything bad to you"

"...yet" Axel said "I'll keep an eye on you, Barbie"

"Nice to see you again, Cindy" Brian said "How's Jessica?"

"She's fine, but she, my mother Katherine, and Carla almost had a heart attack when they saw me after testing the prototype" Cindy said.

**Flashback**

Cindy was wearing her prototype suit (which it's all gray) as J.A.N.I.C.E. was using mechanical arms to take out bullets out of the suit.

"Wow, be careful J.A.N.I.C.E.!" Cindy said.

_PLEASE, TRY NOT TO MOVE, MA'AM_

Then she turned her head around and saw her family with their jaws dropped.

"Let's be face it: that's not the worst thing you caught me doing something" Cindy said.

"What is it?" Jessica asked, astonished.

"Are these...bullets?" Katherine asked, picking up a bullet.

"Cool..." Carla praised.

**Flashback's end**

"Anyway, now that we're all here" Matt said as he started explaining the rules, Fight Club-style "The first rule of the Quahog Crusaders is: you do not talk about the Quahog Crusaders. The second rule of the Quahog Crusaders is: you DO NOT talk about the Quahog Crusaders! Third rule of the Quahog Crusaders: Someone yells "help!", we rescue him or her, mission accomplished. Fourth rule: if there's children, we must keep them safe first. Fifth rule: do whatever it takes to stop the criminal, fellas. Sixth rule: DO NOT leave clues that you've been there. And seventh and final rule: NEVER KILL"

"Goddamn it, if I don't kill, my bullets are useless" Axel groaned.

"I don't know, you can shoot at people's balls" Dylan said.

"I guess you're right" Axel said.

"All right, now let's go and protect the city!" Matt said "Quahog Crusaders United!"

"UNITED!" everybody cheered, putting together their fists as a heroic symbol.

Then we see a janitor who looks like Stan Lee.

"Wait to go, boys!" the janitor cheered as he broke his back "OW! I'm too old for cameos already"

It was already night and Quahog Crusaders were separated in couples and located in several parts of the city: Pink Arrow and White Magician were in downtown, Dog Knight and Iron Brawler were in Spooner Street, Lady Swan and Captain Goose were in the beach...making out, and Hawk Hunter and Wild Savage were in the park.

"This is so boring" Dylan complained "Nothing's happening here!"

"Yeah, they picked the wrong place for us" Axel said "Let's go back to the base"

"Wait, look!" Dylan said, looking at a brunette young lady.

She was wearing a purple dress with a red sash and back flaps.

"This is my lucky day!" Axel said, going after her.

"Axel, wait!" Dylan said.

"Hello, beauty!" Axel greeted "Why such a lady like you are walking around in at night where there are rapists?"

"Really? That's your best flirting phrase, Axel?" the girl asked with a masculine voice.

"AH! A TRANSVESTITE!" Axel screamed as he punched the girl in the face.

But when the girl hit the ground, the wig fallen off and she's revealed to be...EDDIE!

"WALKER?!" Axel asked.

"What are you doing in the park...during the night...and in drag?" Dylan asked.

"Stopping rapists and this is my disguise" Eddie answered "I swear this is not an excuse to satisfy my embarrassing sexual fetish"

"Well, next time tell anyone who you are" Axel said "You look so much like a girl, that it's kinda scary"

"Anyway, what do you guys were going in the park too?" Eddie asked.

"We're the Quahog Crusaders and we're protecting the city!" Axel answered with a heroic tone.

"Damn it, Axel, you broke the first and second rule!" Dylan scolded.

"Damn, I forgot" Axel cursed, "But let's be serious, those two rules are impossible to follow!"

"Are you in a superhero club?" Eddie asked "Can I join in?"

"Sorry, 'sweetie', but it's a 'superhero' club" Axel answered "Why don't you make your own 'crossdresser' club?"

"Very funny, Axel" Eddie said with an annoyed tone and putting his wig on as the city suddenly suffered a blackout "Weird, this is the second blackout in a row. Anyway, if you excuse me, I have to continue my work"

"Oh, and can you keep our club a secret?" Dylan asked as Eddie leaves.

"Come on, who cares if he knows it?" Axel asked "It's not like if Matt could punish us with one of his hocus pocus bullsh*t"

"Well, he once accidentally transformed Sophie into a giant tomato" Matt said.

**Cutaway**

We see Sophie transformed into a giant tomato creature.

"I am SO grounded" Matt said.

**Cutaway's end**

Meanwhile; Brian and Cindy were patrolling Spooner Street while they were talking.

"How has Jessica been?" Brian asked.

"She's fine, doing a good job as my assistant" Cindy said "Also, it's getting hot every day"

"How did you guys meet?" Cindy asked.

"College..." Cindy answered.

**Flashback**

_I was studying Science and Technology and she was studying Literature. Just like these subjects, we were both from completely different worlds. At first, we've been throwing insults at each other._

We see Cindy and Jessica in college: Cindy explaining the Relativity Theory and Jessica explaining about Edgar Allan Poe. Each other were feeling envy to one another.

"Science is more important than writers who've been dead for several years!" younger Cindy argued to Jessica.

"For your information, Barbie Einstein: they created the greatest stories ever told!" Jessica argued.

"Brat" Cindy insulted.

"Shorty" Jessica insulted back.

Yeah, we're like dogs and cats. But we started becoming friends when I learned she love Harry Potter too! I learned that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, no pun intended. Eventually, she got interested in science, saying that it's the closest thing to 'magic'. We've became more than friends...we found out we're both bisexual and that we have feelings to each other. And so, our relationship began.

_We see Jessica reading a Harry Potter book, making Cindy interested. Then Cindy was showing one of her experiments to Cindy: a laser that can levitate an apple. Then we see both in the same room, Jessica was wearing purple and black lingerie while Cindy was wearing a black sports bra and black boyshorts. They started making out._

**Flashback's end**

"Whoa, that was a beautiful story" Brian said.

"Thank you very-HEY! Are you having a boner?" Cindy asked.

"Uh, no!" Brian said, covering his couch.

"Oh, that's okay, it happens every time I tell it to any guy" Cindy said "I bet they wouldn't have the same reaction if me and Jessica were two guys"

"Then they a small rabbit doll standing in the middle and looking at them in a creepy way.

"Okay, this shouldn't be scary since Halloween is over" Cindy said.

Then the doll started walking to the bushes.

"Looks like he wants to follow it" Brian said.

"Who do you think I am? Alice in Wonderland?" Cindy asked.

"Well, you have blonde hair" Brian answered.

"Touché" Cindy replied as they both followed the rabbit doll.

But when they entered the bushes, they fell into a trap hole and they ended up into an evil lair.

"Where the hell are we?" Cindy asked.

"I don't know, but whoever you are, show yourself!" Brian demanded.

Then somebody appeared out of shadows: Stewie...who's dressed like Pinocchio, but wearing the Joker's make-up.

"Hello, Brian..." Stewie greeted.

"Stewie, what's going on?" Brian asked "And why are you dressed like that?"

"I'm not Stewie, I'm..." Stewie said as his super villain name is shown.

**_KILLER DOLL!_**

"All I wanted is join your superhero team and you rejected me!" Stewie said "You treated me like a broken toy! But now I've got...no strings...on MEEEEE!"

Stewie's words made Cindy shudder.

"What's wrong?" Brian asked.

"Sorry, he reminded me of that scary trailer of _the Avengers: Age of Ultron_" Cindy answered.

"That won't be the only thing to scare you, Iron Bitch!" Stewie said "TOYS! ATTACK!"

Then so many evil-looking toys appeared: Care Bears, My Little Ponies, Raggedy Andy and Ann, Strawberry Shortcake, G.I. Joe, Transformers, Thundercats and He-Man.

"Back to back?" Brian asked.

"You said it" Cindy answered, automatically putting on her helmet.

As the toys attacked, Brian and Cindy destroyed every single one of them. But more toys kept on coming.

"There's too many of them!" Brian said.

"I got this!" Cindy said as she activated something from her robotic hands "GET DOWN!"

Cindy shoot powerful lasers from her hands that destroyed the toys.

"Wow, you should've started with this" Brian said.

"Yeah, it was a last resort thing" Cindy replied, taking off her helmet.

"It's over, Stew-What the hell?!" Brian asked as Stewie disappeared, but he left one more doll with a note.

Brian took the note and it said 'You won't remember anything'. Then the doll's eyes flashed both Brian and Cindy.

"Huh? What happened?" Cindy asked "How did we get here?

"I have no idea" Brian said.

Stewie was back to his room as he hung his outfit on his closet.

"This won't be the last time you'll see me" Stewie said.

Next day; the Quahog Crusaders were talking about what they did yesterday.

"So...there was no crime yestereday?" Matt asked.

"No robbery? No kidnappings?" Meg asked.

"I don't even remember why I used my lasers" Cindy asked.

"I got my first criminal!" Jillian answered.

"Wow, really Jillian?" Brian asked.

Jillian took out a small cage with a hermit crab whose shell is an empty soda can.

"Let me out of here!" the hermit crab begged.

"No, not after what you did yesterday!" Jillian said.

**Flashback**

Jackie and Jillian was at the beach until Jillian tripped with something.

"OW!" Jillian groaned in pain

"Are you okay, Jilly-Bean?" Jackie asked.

"Somebody made me trip!" Jillian answered as she saw the hermit crab whose shell was broken.

"Oh crap!" the hermit crab cursed as he hid inside of an empty soda can which Jillian grabbed it.

"AHA! I GOT YA!" Jillian said.

**Flashback's end**

"You broke my house!" the hermit crab said.

"Well, huh...you ruined my boots!" Jillian said "That makes you a mean criminal!"

"Jillian, I don't think animals count as criminals" Meg said.

"So, I don't receive a star for my effort?" Jillian asked with a sad tone.

"We don't give stars, but no" Meg answered as her cellphone rang "Excuse me for a second" she answered it "Hello?"

A line divided the screen as Eddie was talking.

"Meg, you're not gonna believe this, but my dad is missing!" Eddie said.

"What? Oh no!" Meg exclaimed.

"You and the Quahog Crusaders have to save him!" Eddie said.

"Wait, how do you know about...?" Meg asked as she saw Axel and Dylan whistling "Don't worry, we'll take care of it" she hung off as she angrily stared as them "You...dicks"

"Oh, come on, like if your sissy boyfriend wasn't trustworthy!" Axel said.

"We'll talk about this later, we have to find Eddie's dad" Matt said "Quahog Crusaders united!"

"UNITED!" everybody exclaimed.

"Ah...we don't need everyone" Meg said "Jackie, Jillian, stay here to...punish that hermit crab"

"What?!" the hermit crab asked.

"All right!" Jillian cheered "And I have the perfect punishment for you!"

Then we cut to the hermit crab writing on the blackboard 'I won't ruin Lady Swan's boots' several times.

"Really?" Jackie asked.

"It worked with Bart Simpson and he's a sweet little angel now" Jillian said.

"After 25 years, I doubt that" Jackie replied.

The Quahog Crusaders were in the Walkers' apartment investigating Frank's missing.

"So, you're saying you woke up and he was gone?" Brian asked to Helena.

"Yes" Helena answered.

"Wait, I smell something" Brian said, smelling the bed and he found a piece of black hair "Black hair. That means he was kidnapped"

"But what kind of person would kidnap Daddy?" Amy asked.

"I think I know who: Mr. Anderson" Helena answered.

"What? That's impossible" Eddie said "Mr. Anderson is a good person"

"He's a kind and charming person" Amy said "Not as charming as Chris, but he's still very kind!"

"Or maybe he acts like this to women" Helena said "Have you notice how he wasn't taking his eyes off me? He was even ask a question if I was single!"

"No, that doesn't sound anything like Mr. Anderson" Eddie said, very concerned.

"Brian, can you take us to Mr. Anderson's home?" Meg asked.

"Absolutely" Brian said.

"I'm coming too, I won't believe it until I see it" Eddie said.

"Like when you were a kid who was afraid of monsters?" Amy asked.

**Flashback**

A younger Helena was putting a 6 years old Eddie to sleep.

"All right, sweetheart, I'll open your closet, so you can be sure there's no monsters there" Helena said.

"I don't believe in monsters, Mom" kid Eddie said.

"I know you're scared, but there's nothing inside of your closet" Helena said, opening the door revealing...Mike and Sully (carrying Boo, the little girl) from _Monsters, Inc._

"No, wrong door!" Mike said.

"AAAAHHH!" Kid Eddie and Helena screamed as Helena closed the door.

**Flashback's end**

Meanwhile, in a nice looking wooden house in a mountain's cliff. Frank woke up in room, he was tied to a metal table and he was wearing a metal helmet on his head connected to a machine.

"Huh, where am I?" Frank asked.

"I'm glad you're awake, Mr. Walker" Wes said "Welcome to my home"

"Mr. Anderson? Did you kidnap me?" Frank asked.

"'Kidnapping' is an ugly word, I prefer the term 'obligatory invitation'" Wes answered.

"But why?" Frank asked.

"Because I'm shocked that after many years, after you abused your own child, you decided to come back into his life" Wes answered.

"Wait, I never abused my son!" Frank said.

"DON'T DENY IT!" Wes warned.

"I'M NOT! I swear I was always a good father to him!" Frank said "Maybe I abandoned him and my family to join the army. But I came back, because I missed them!"

"That's not what you son told me years ago" Wes said "You know: I was helping him to

become a better person while you were out there killing people. Face it: you don't deserve to be a father. You don't deserve your son"

"Let me out of here, I don't wanna be here!" Frank said.

"Let's see if that's true" Wes said, touching his machine without pressing a button and the electricity went to Frank's helmet.

"AAAAAAARRRRGGHHH!" Frank screamed of pain.

Inside of Frank's head, we can see his memories: mostly flashbacks from previous chapters involving him. But he found a hole between the Walkers going to Frank's parents' funeral and Frank joining the army. Wes stopped it and he was very confused.

"This doesn't make sense" Wes said.

"What the hell was that?!" Frank asked.

"I'm don't tell this to many people, in fact, you'll be the first one to know my secret" Wees answered.

"What secret?" Frank asked.

"I'm a Technopath" Wes said "I was born with the ability to create and manipulate technology on my own, without using tools. With my powers I can create this machine that allows me to read people's minds"

"So, you're like an X-Men mutant or Carrie White or that Elsa from _Frozen_?" Frank asked.

"Believe it or not, I'm not the only one who was born with special abilities" Wes said "But that's another story. Back to your son..."

**Flashback**

We see young Eddie enjoying so many adventures...unfortunately, all the adventures were just projected images created by Wes. He was actually in a bed with cables connected to his head as Wes was using his powers to control Eddie's mind.

_I used my Technopathic powers to let him live a happy life for a while. Thanks to me, Eddie became the nice person he is now._

**Flashback's end**

"Son of a bitch, you made him live a lie!" Frank cursed.

"Quiet you!" Wes demanded "You're in no position to insult me! I've been using my powers to help people. But now I'm gonna use them one last time, just for him"

"What's you're gonna do to me?" Frank asked.

"With this machine, I can also exchange our minds, so that means we can exchange bodies" Wes said, putting on a helmet too "In other words: I can take your place"

"WHAT?!" Frank asked "You're insane!"

"No, everything is clear like crystal" Wes said "Eddie is like the son I never had. And after this, I'll be his father for the rest of his life"

"NO! STOP IT!" Frank shouted.

"Starting Mind-Transferring!" Wes said, activating the machine.

"AAAAAAARRRRGGHHH!" both men screamed of pain.

Once again we see both memories crisscrossing. Suddenly, too much electricity helped recover Frank's lost memory: the memory of how he became an abusive father.

**Flashback**

A younger Frank was standing on his parents's graves. Then a mysterious man in a trench coat appeared.

"You must be feeling miserable fover your parents' death" the mysterious man said.

"They didn't deserve this, they really didn't deserve this" Frank said crying "I know a man shouldn't cry. But this is too much for me!"

"That's right, a man shouldn't show any weakness" the mysterious man said as he showed him two pills: a white pill and a black pill "Take the white pill and you'll forget you see me or take the black pill and you'll see the true side of your own family"

"No, I won't do that" Frank said "How do I know you're not trying to pull something on me?"

"Do what I say..." the mysterious man ordered with a cold and controlling voice.

Frank took the black pill and ate it. Then he suffered a severe headache and he can hear voices...voices from his family mocking him.

***Helena's voice*** _What a bloody wimp!_

***Eddie's voice*** _Dad is a loser!_

***Amy's voice*** _Daddy is a sissy! Daddy is a sissy!_

"SHUT UP" Frank screamed, punching the ground "I won't look weak to my own family! I'm gonna show you who's the man of the house!"

"Excellent..." the mysterious man whispered with a satisfied tone.

**Flashback's end**

After that, Frank started recovering the memories of his days as an abusive father. Then the machine exploded and both men ended on the ground. When Wes stood up, he looked at himself.

"Damn it, it didn't work!" Wes cursed.

"No...I remember everything, that explains why Helena's family hates me" Frank said.

Then Eddie and the Quahog Crusaders came in.

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!" White Magician ordered.

"Or we'll shoot!" Axel said, "And I don't give two f*cks about the last rule. I WILL KILL!"

"Mr. Anderson, how could you?!" Eddie asked.

"Eddie!" Wes exclaimed "It's not what it looks like! This is a therapy session!" Wes said.

"Oh yeah?" Iron Brawler asked as she grabbed a piece of scrap "I recognize technology when I see it. What was that machine? A lie detector or maybe the cause of all the blackouts?"

Then Wes grabbed Iron Brawler's robotic arm.

"Your armor is mine!" Wes said, trying to take control of Iron Brawler's armor.

But then Wes, for some reason, got hurt when he tried to possess the armor.

"What happened?" Eddie asked.

"My mind got burned!" Wes answered.

"Oh yeah, I installed a security program in case hackers like you try to take control to my armor" Iron Brawler explained "A simple program called 'Firewall""

"But wait, does Mr. Anderson can possess technology on his own?" Eddie asked.

"He's a Technopath..." Frank answered, hardly standing up, but Wes grabbed Frank and pointed at him with a gun.

"Stay back or I'll shoot him!" Wes said.

"But, why?!" Eddie asked, heartbroken "I thought you were a good person!"

"I'm so sorry, Eddie, all wanted is you to be happy" Wes said.

But then Axel shot and the bullet snapped Wes's gun out of his hand, Wild Savage tackled Wes, the Dog Knight used two Bat-Boomerangs or Batarang) to attached Mr. Anderson sleeves to the wall.

"Mr. Anderson, you have failed this city!" Pink Arrow said, preparing her arrow.

"I always have another trick under my sleeve" Wes said as he concentrated his mind and...

_**SELF-DESTRUCT IN 15 SECONDS.**_

"Everybody, get together!" White Magician ordered as everybody get together, except Wes, who's attached to the wall.

***BOOOOOOOOOOM***

The entire house exploded...luckily our heroes survived by White Magician's magic shield.

"Matt, you saved us!" Meg said

"Of course I did" Matt said "A true leader cares for his team"

"I can't believe Mr. Anderson was a bad guy..." Eddie said "I feel cheated..."

"It wasn't your fault, Son" Frank said "He was doing what he thought it was right, but it's actually wrong"

"At least I still have you, my good father" Eddie said.

"Eddie, there's something I need to tell you..." Frank said.

"What is it?" Eddie asked.

"...I'm glad to see you again" Frank answered.

"Me too, Dad!" Eddie said.

"You know, Eddie" Matt said "We'd like to have you in our club"

"Yeah, you can use the powers of his sword and be a superhero" Meg said.

"Thank you guys, but I already planned my own club" Eddie said.

Eddie's club was called...'Straight Crossdressers Club'. Eddie (dressed as Emma Walter) was doing his speech.

"In this club we'll prove ourselves that we're straight not matter how lady-like we are" Eddie said "Any questions?"

The only members of the club were Jet and Bobby. Jet was wearing a black bobcut wig, make-up, a green blouse, an aqua blue skirt, fishnet tights and red heels. Bobby was wearing a curly black wig, make-up, a purple tube top (showing his black bra's straps), red skirt and black heels.

"Can I go to the bathroom?" Jet asked.

"Sure, just don't forget to sit like a lady" Eddie answered.

As Jet leaves, Bobby was scrapping his butt.

"Ugh, this thong is giving me a wedgie" Bobby said.

"I specifically said 'only comfortable underwear'" Eddie replied "We're acting like ladies, not whores!"

Meanwhile, in the Griffins' house; Brian was hiding his Batman outfit on the attic. Axel and Dylan were with him.

"Are you sure you want this, Dad?" Dylan asked.

"I don't need to be a superhero to impress your mother" Brian answered "He loves me as who am I"

"That's your choice and I respect it" Axel said.

***Tracy's voice*** _Dylan! Axel! Brian! Can you three come here?!_

The three went downstairs as Tracy and the Griffins were in the living room.

"I got some exciting news" Tracy said.

"What is it, honey?" Brian asked

"I'm pregnant!" Tracy cheered "I'm having another baby!"

"Oh my god, really?!" Brian asked, very excited.

"That's wonderful Tracy!" Lois praised,

"More like a nightmare" Peter commented.

"Dad, go to the corner!" Meg demanded.

"Hey, you can't tell me what to do!" Peter said.

"NOW!" Meg insisted.

"Yes, ma'am" Peter said with a sad tone as he went to the corner.

"Wow, I can't believe it" Dylan said "I'm having a brother or sister"

"Good for you, man" Axel said "And just for you since I'd hate an annoying sibling"

"You know: I have the feeling that everything is gonna be all right" Brian said.

**End of the...wait, there's more!**

Wes's house was nothing but scraps and burned wooden...until a laptop turned on.

***Wes's voice*** _Huh...what happened to me?_

Then a mysterious man (the same man from Frank's past) appeared and grabbed the laptor.

"_Hello there...would you like to join our organization?_" The mysterious man asked.

**End of the chapter**


	40. Life of Frank

**Chapter 40: Life of Frank**

**(A/E: Sorry for the delay! I've been really busy! I hope you enjoy this fanfic)**

**Himalayas, 2008**

A man wearing a military winter coat was climbing in the snowy mountains during a snow storm until he stopped at a cliff. He took off his hood revealing himself as...Frank Walker. Frank looked at cliff as he took out a gun and pointed at his mouth.

_Go ahead, kill yourself..._

Frank looked around and he saw Helena, Eddie and Amy (as in the present instead 6 years younger). Strangely enough, they were wearing their normal clothes and they didn't seem affected by the cold. They were all looking upset.

"Helena...?" Frank asked looking at his wife.

"You were always unworthy of this family" Helena said.

"Eddie" Frank said looking at his son.

"Abusive fathers shouldn't prosper, they should just disappear forever" Eddie said.

"Amy!" Frank called at her daughter.

"You're not my daddy!" Amy shouted "My daddy would never be a big fat meanie!"

"Guys, I'm sorry!" Frank said.

"KILL YOURSELF!" everybody demanded "KILL YOURSELF! KILL YOURSELF! KILL YOURSELF!"

As they continued saying it, Frank put the gun at his mouth and pulled the trigger.

***BANG***

Suddenly Frank violently woke up, the previous scene having been a nightmare. He was in bed with his beautiful wife aside him. Helena woke up as well.

"Frank, are you all right?" Helena asked.

"Yes...I just had a night-memory" Frank answered.

"Don't you mean nightmare?" Helena asked.

"No, a night-memory is a nightmare combined with a flashback of your past" Frank answered "I dreamed the moment where years ago I climbed the Himalayas...where I killed myself. Then you and the kids appeared...and they wanted me to do it"

Helena strongly hugged her husband.

"We would NEVER say such a thing" Helena said "We love you"

"Helena, there's something I need to tell you" Frank said.

"What is it?" Helena asked.

"...nothing, I'm going back to sleep" Frank answered, going to sleep.

Next morning; the cupcake store that Meg and Amy were working on it was finished. Even Nicole was helping them out. The guys came in to check it out.

"This place looks super cute!" Eddie praised.

"Thank you, we worked hard to get this business started, but I think it will payoff" Meg said.

"Honey, you're working too?" Zack asked.

"Yeah, somebody has to pay the bills of the house!" Nicole answered.

"Hey, for your information: ROB-B has a fight tonight and we'll get some money" Zack said as his cellphone rang "Hello? Hi, Brett! Are your robot ready to...what? What do you mean he can't fight?" Zack kept listening "An appointment with his mechanic? Since when robots make appointments?!" Zack kept listening "Fine! Then you can kiss my ass!" He hung up.

"Meg! The uniforms arrived!" Amy exclaimed.

"Oh my god, I can't wait to put it on!" Meg said as both girls went to change.

"I won't be long, handsome" Emily said to Axel in a flirty tone.

"This girl seems to like you, Ax" Cleveland Jr. said.

"Yeah, she's been very nice to me lately" Axel said "She has polished my guns..."

**Flashback**

Emily was polishing Axel's guns, and when she was doing the Ragnarok, she licked the barrel in a way that indicated she wasn't cleaning a barrel…

**Flashback's end**

"...and she even had my back in some situations" Axel said.

**Flashback**

Emily was invited by Axel, Lionel and Marina to eat in an Applebee's. Then a waiter spilled a glass of soda on Axel.

"Sorry, sir!" the waiter said.

"YOU'LL PAY FOR YOUR STUPIDITY!" Emily exclaimed, attacking the waiter.

**Flashback's end**

"Yeah, Emily seems to be very nice to you" Dylan said with a jealous tone "Maybe too much"

"Axel, look at this apple" Eddie said.

"Yeah?" Axel asked.

"Imagine this is you" Eddie said as he threw it to the ground and stepped on it like a bug "Any questions?"

"Are you nuts?" Axel asked "I'm not interested in your British cousin!"

"I'd wish a girl gets interested on me" Junior said.

"I know you'll get a hot girl like Amy" Chris said.

"And have you guys already...?" Axel said, pretending he was humping something.

"Uh...no" Chris answered.

"It's okay, Chris, I won't get mad if you both, well...did it" Eddie said.

"Wait, you don't get mad at him for screwing your sister, but you threaten me if your cousin is interested in me?!" Axel asked.

"Unlike you, I trust Chris" Eddie answered.

"I didn't sleep with Amy! Please don't cut my head off with your sword!" Chris begged.

Then the girls came out wearing their uniforms: cupcake hairbands, pink strapless maid dresses and pink flaps.

"How do we look?" Meg asked.

"Wow...you look beautiful, Meg" Eddie answered, blushing.

"Well, thanks, but I shouldn't be surprised that my boyfriend says it" Meg said "Right, you guys?"

"Amy looks hot!" Chris argued to Zack.

"Nicole looks hotter!" Zack argued.

"Yeah, she looks pretty...OLD!" Chris argued.

Then they both started a fight as Eddie tried to stop them.

"You won't tell me I look hot too?" Emily asked, doing a spin as she revealed panty shots in front of Axel in order for him to notice her.

"Emily, we need to talk" Axel sighed with serious tone "Meet me tomorrow afternoon in the forest"

"Oh my lord, I will be here!" Emily said, excited.

Axel was about to leave until...

"Hey, Axel!" Eddie called "Don't you forget it"

He pointed at the mashed apple on the floor, making Axel roll his eyes in annoyance and finally leaves.

"Uh...I think you look pretty, Emily" Dylan said.

"Oh, thank you William" Emily smiled, brushing him off as she leaves.

"***mentally*** _That does it! I can't let him get Emily, even if she doesn't remember my name!_" Dylan thought "_I'm gonna bring him down like a tall tree_"

**Cutaway**

A happy tall tree was enjoying the high height.

"This day looks beautiful!" the tree said "Nothing could ruin my...OW! WHAT THE HELL! ARGH! THAT HURTS! AAAAAAHHH! IT'S KILLING ME! HELP! HELP! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Then the tree ended on the ground, where a lumberjack started whistling and carrying the tree to the truck.

**Cutaway's end**

Meanwhile; Frank and Helena were driving together.

"Where are we going?" Frank asked.

"Frank, I think it will be the best for you if you spend a little time with Peter...and his friends" Helena said as they parked right in 'The Drunken Clam'

"Is this a bar?" Frank asked "I'm sorry, dear, but I made a promise to myself that I'll NEVER drink again"

"I'm not asking you to get drunk" Helena said "If you wish, I'll come with you"

They both get into the bar where they found Peter, Joe, Quagmire and Cleveland.

"Hey, Helena!" Peter greeted "It's a surprise to see you here!"

"Good afternoon, Peter" Helena greeted "We wonder if you can accept Frank in your group"

"Sure! Any husband of yours is a friend of mine!" Peter said.

"You weren't friendly with my friend Sir Ian McKellen" Helena said.

**Flashback**

Ian McKellen was invited to the Griffins' house.

"Hey, Gandalf!" Peter said "How's your friend Bilbo and that group of dwarves going? Did they defeat Smaug already?"

"Peter, I'm not Gandalf, he's just a character I play" Ian McKellen answered.

"Oh no, then you must be Magneto!" Peter said, taking out a wooden spoon "This spoon is made of wood, so you can't control it!"

He started beating him up with the spoon.

**Flashback's end**

"Hey, at least he didn't sue me" Peter said, taking out a piece of paper "In fact: I got his autograph!"

"That's a restraining order" Helena corrected.

"Autograph, restraining order, whatever!" Peter said "I'm glad my daughter's boyfriend's dad decided to join us! Hey, Jerome, one beer for my new friend!"

"You've said it, Peter!" Jerome said, bringing a beer for Frank

"Helena, this is Jerome, the new bartender since Horace died" Peter said "But hey, it's great to have a black friend!"

"Hey, what about me?!" Cleveland asked, offended.

"I mean, a black guy ACTUALLY voiced by a black actor" Peter answered.

"That's true..." Cleveland said, shaking his head.

"Come on, drink it up!" Joe said.

"Sorry, I don't drink" Frank said.

Everybody, except Helena, gasped by Frank's comment.

"What the hell, man?!" Quagmire asked, outraged.

"Yeah, being sober is the worst thing that any man could be!" Peter answered "Sorry, but if you don't drink, you can't be with us!"

"Peter, you can't reject my husband like that" Helena said.

"Unless you have something to change my mind." Peter said.

"How about a drinking contest?" Helena asked "If I win, you have to accept my husband whether he wants a drink or not"

"All right, but if I win, you have to give me the underwear you're wearing" Frank said.

"Peter, there's no way my wife...!"

"Okay" Helena accepted.

"Helena, you can't be serious!" Frank said.

"I won't lose to him, trust me" Helena whispered.

"Jerome! A dozen shots of whisky!" Peter ordered.

"Tell us about yourself, Frank" Cleveland said.

"Peter told us you've been in the army" Joe said.

"Yes, I was" Frank replied.

"He also told us you killed Hussein and Bin Laden" Quagmire said.

"Okay, he obviously made up that part" Frank said "But, if you want to know the rest of my story..."

**6 years ago...**

_I wasn't exactly a nice guy._

A group of soldiers were in an Afghanistan town. Their leader was a blonde man with a scar, the medical officer was a black man, the demolition expert was Hispanic, and finally...Frank, who's listening music on his cassette.

"Private Broken Nuts, please pay attention!" The leader ordered, who has an Australian accent.

"Don't you see I'm listening AC/DC?" Frank asked, with a rude tone.

"Who owns a cassette anyway?" the medical officer asked "You should try the iPods!"

"No, thanks, I'm not a Pod Racer" Frank said.

"Malditos gringos (**subtitles: goddamn gringos**)" the demolition expert commented.

"All right, ladies, the hidden bombs must be somewhere here" the leader said "Check out all the abandoned houses!"

"SIR, YES, SIR!" Everybody exclaimed.

They all went to different abandoned houses. But when Frank enter a house, he kept listening songs...until somebody assaulted him.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Frank asked as he was knocked out by a shotgun.

...

Frank slowly woke up and a flashlight pointed at his face.

"Where the hell am I?" Frank asked,

Then somebody came out from the shadows: Osama Bin Laden.

"Hello, American..." Bin Laden said.

"Oh, great, I'm f*cked" Frank said.

"You, Americans don't belong here" Bin Laden said "You've been sucking up our land for years. Even you almost kill my partner!"

"Your partner?" Frank asked, confused.

Then another man from shadows came out: Saddam Hussein...who looks exactly like his _South Park_ version.

"You're alive!" Frank said.

"Hey, Bin Laden!" Saddam greeted with his squeaky voice "What do we have here?"

"Another American dickhead not leaving us alone" Bin Laden answered.

"Oh, give me a kiss, my evil Santa!" Saddam said as they both made out.

"Are you both gay?" Frank asked.

"Yeah, do you have a boner or what?!" Saddam asked.

"Let me out of here!" Frank demanded.

"No, until you tell us what America wants from us this time!" Bin Laden said.

"Go to hell!" Frank insulted.

"Hey, I was there once!" Saddam said "I dated Satan once! But he's a pussy!"

"Goddamn it, if you don't untie me...!"

"What you're gonna do? You can't do anything now" Bin Laden said going to a suitcase and opened it "It's our playtime"

"W-What you're gonna do to me?" Frank asked, already nervous.

"Oh yeah, the Testicular Zapper!" Saddam said "It's my favorite game!"

"KEEP THAT THING OUT OF-AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Frank screamed of pain, getting his testicles zapped.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Saddam laughed "My turn!"

_They both were having fun, electrifying my testicles for hours. The most painful experience of my life._

**Present**

"No big deal, Bonnie did that to me during sex" Joe said "I don't have legs, so I don't feel anything"

"Anyway..." Frank said, annoyed by getting interrupted.

**Past**

_I was the bitch of the most dangerous men of the world. I thought I was gonna die like a sex toy until..._

***BOOM**!*

Frank's team appeared to save him.

"Well, well, looks like Broken Nuts have found more than hidden mines" the leader said.

"Hey, isn't that motherf*cker dead?" The medical officer asked.

"You'll never kill me again!" Saddam said until he got shot in the legs "GAH! SON OF A BITCH!"

But he wasn't shot by any of the Americans...but by Bin Laden.

"Nothing personal, dear" Bin Laden said "I just want to live a little more"

"F*CK YOU!" Saddam shouted.

"We should see other people" Bin Laden said as he escaped.

"We have to get out of here, this place is gonna blow up any second" the demolition expert said.

"Why are you saving me...?" Frank asked, getting untied.

"Douchebag or not, no soldier is left behind" the leader said "Now, let's go!"

They both went to get out of here until a pile of wreckage blocked the exit...except from Frank.

"Keep going, soldier!" the leader ordered, behind the wreckage.

Frank continued his way until he escaped and the warehouse exploded...along with his team.

_I couldn't believe...despite being mean to my team, they saved my life..._

**Present**

We see Joe, Quagmire and Cleveland crying for hearing Frank's story.

"That's the saddest story I've ever heard!" Joe said.

"So sad!" Cleveland said.

"I'd receive a bullet for you, guys!" Quagmire said.

"Yeah, it's kinda sad, right Peter?" Frank asked.

But Peter and Helena were about to finish the drinking contest.

"Don't interrupt me...I'm about to beat your British chick of a wife..." Peter said, heavily drunk and taking another whisky shot "Take that...! Give me your undies now...!"

But Helena easily took another whisky shot.

"Damn...it!" Peter cursed as he passed out.

"I hope this teaches him to show more respect to women" Helena said.

"Wow, did you drink ALL those shots?" Frank asked "How do you feel?"

"Perfectly fi-BLOODY HELL!" Helena screamed as she imagined Quagmire as a French man due the alcohol effects.

"Excusez-moi, Mademoiselle? **(Subtitles: Excuse me, lady?)**" French Quagmire asked.

"Get away from me, you stupid French men!" Helena demanded, threatening with a taser "You will never stop me from shaving my body hair or watching Jerry Lewis comedies!"

"Honey, calm down, you're not in France!" Frank said.

"I didn't know your wife is racist" Cleveland said.

"She's not, she acts this way every time she's drunk" Frank replied.

"As long she doesn't say anything offensive about black people, I'm okay with that" Cleveland said.

Next day, in the forest; Emily and Axel were all alone. Emily was carrying a pink box for some reason.

"All right, looks like we're alone" Axel said "Listen, Em…"

"Wait, I have a present for you" Emily said, giving him the box.

Axel opened it and it was a dozen of cupcakes with pistols made of frosting.

"Wow, pistol cupcakes, delicious" Axel said "Now, listen..."

"Oh, bloody hell, are you feeling hot?" Emily asked, taking off her top and revealing her white bra.

"Whoa, it's kinda chilly out here." Axel said, holding up his hands.

"But I love this breeze, especially on my legs" Emily said as she was about to take off her skirt until Axel stopped her.

"All right, stop it!" Axel said "Unlike many blind guys, I'm not as stupid as to not see what you're doing"

"I like you and I want to be your girlfriend!" Emily exclaimed until she covered her mouth.

"Emily, I gotta be honest" Axel sighed "You're a nice girl and I'm flattered for all the things you've done for me. But..."

"It's Edward, right?!" Emily asked "That bloody imbecile will pay for his insolence!"

"No! It's not you! It's not Eddie! It's ME! I don't feel attracted to you!" Axel said.

"Y-you don't find me hot?" Emily asked with a sad tone as she touched her breasts "You don't like my girls?"

"You're 16, you're too young for me, and those breasts aren't really something to tell home about. Besides: my heart belongs to another woman" Axel said.

"I bet she has bigger hips and breasts" Emily said.

"And a lot of hair" Axel added.

"Huh?" Emily asked, confused.

"It's complicated" Axel answered "But like I said before: you're a nice girl, I'm sure you'll find-"

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Dylan appeared. He's not wearing a shirt for some reason.

"Looks like nobody cares about the weather" Axel said.

"Shut up!" Dylan said "You won't steal the doll!"

"Your doll?" Emily asked "What the devil are you talking about, Gillian?"

"I...AM...DYLAAAAAAAAAAN!" Dylan screamed, transforming into a werewolf "ROAAAAAAR!"

Emily screamed like a horrified girl as Axel remained emotionless. Werewolf Dylan jumped to attack Axel. But then...he took out a dog whistle.

***Whistling***

Werewolf Dylan stopped by the dog whistle's sound. Axel touched Dylan's collar that controls his transformation to turn him back to normal.

"Ugh...!" Dylan grunted.

"Thank god Amy gave me one of these" Axel said.

"Y-You are...?" Emily asked, stammering.

"Don't worry, I don't use it on female dogs, I'm not a rapist" Axel answered.

"No, I mean the wolf boy!" Emily corrected.

"Yes, my mother is a human and my father is a dog" Dylan confessed "That makes me a werewolf. But don't worry! I have this collar that allows me to control my transformation!" But Emily seemed still scared of him "Okay...I understand if you don't wanna see me again. Good-bye, Emily"

"Wait!" Axel said, grabbing Dylan's hand "Dylan, I know you like Emily" then he grabbed Emily's hand "And Emily, Dylan is a nice guy, he just has jealously issues" then he put both hands together "I bet you both could be a nice couple"

"Wow, Axel, now I feel like an idiot for attacking you" Dylan said.

"Chill out, I know how much a guy likes a hot girl" Axel said.

"I'm not sure..." Emily said "It's not just his werewolf transformation. Like you said, I'm still young"

"I don't mind waiting until you're 18" Dylan said.

"Just two years?" Emily asked "Wicked! That means I don't need to wait that bloody long"

"Well, thank you Axel for playing the role of 'cupid'" Dylan thanked.

"I'm glad I didn't have to wear a diaper like Zack's kids" Axel said.

**Flashback**

Nicole was finishing putting a fresh diaper on Maddie.

"There you go, my little princess" Nicole said.

"Thank you, Mommy!" Maddie thanked as she happily walked until she saw Cody.

"God, how I miss wearing diapers" Cody said "It sucks using the potty"

"Hold on!" Maddie said as she went and came back with a diaper for Cody "Here, you can wear one of mine!"

"Wow, thanks!" Cody said, taking off his pants and putting on the diaper "Ugh, why it feels wet and sticky?"

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Maddie laughed "You're wearing one of my dirty ones!"

Cody realized the diaper was full of poo and flies.

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" Cody shouted, starting a chase.

**Flashback's end**

Meanwhile; the Walkers were eating in a Chinese food restaurant.

"It was a good idea having lunch in a Chinese restaurant" Helena said.

"Agreed" Eddie said

"I'M A WALRUS!" Amy said, using her chopsticks as tusks.

"Amy, stop it" Helena told her.

"At least she didn't imitate a Chinese stereotype" Eddie said.

"I'm glad spending time with you instead of asking me to kill myself" Frank said, making her family putting a WTF face "Uh...I wonder what's on the menu"

Then two Chinese waitresses appeared. They were twins and they were 18 years old.

"Welcome!" the Chinese waitresses greeted.

"I'm Ming!" Ming said, who has one hair bun.

"I'm Ling!" Ling said, who has two hair buns.

"May we take your order?" Ming and Ling asked at the same time.

"Wait, Ming and Ling...?" Frank asked, finding those names familiar.

"Huh, Ling, I think this man seems familiar" Ming said.

"I was thinking the same thing, Ming" Ling said.

"Girls, do you know a man named Shang, Lao" Frank asked.

"THAT'S OUR FATHER!" Ming and Ling gasped.

"So, you're the daughters of Lao, the fighter we met at the Supreme Fighter Tournament 20 years ago?" Helena asked.

"We have to tell our parents about this, Ling!" Ming said.

"I'm with you, Ming!" Ling said.

"COME WITH US, PLEASE!" Ming and Ling ordered.

"These twin girls are weird" Eddie commented.

"I LIKE THEM!" Amy said "I'd wish I have a twin sister who thinks the same as I am!"

"No, thanks, one Amy is good enough" Eddie replied.

"You're right...I'll ask Emily if I can make her look like me!" Amy said as Eddie face-palm himself.

The Walkers went to the kitchen where the only chefs are a Chinese woman and Lao, who now has facial hair. They were making the meals, using their kung fu skills. They made 50 dishes of fried rice, 25 bowls of noodles, 10 dishes of kung pao chicken and 5 roasted pigs. All in matter of seconds.

"That was marvelous" Helena commented.

"Not even _Iron Chef_ is that spectacular" Eddie said.

"Hey, Lao!" Frank greeted "Long time no see!"

"It's a honor to see you again, Frank" Lao bowed.

"Hello, Lao' Helena greeted "These are our children: Eddie and Amy"

"Nice to meet you, sir" Eddie said, giving him the hand.

"BRO'! You have to bow like this!" Amy said as she bowed to Lao "It's an honor to meet you sir. Please forgive my little brother"

"I'm 3 years older than you" Eddie said.

"It's a honor to meet all of you" Lao said "This is my wife Yue..."

"Welcome" Yue bowed.

"And you've already met our daughters Ming and Ling" Lao said.

"WELCOME!" Ming and Ling bowed.

"How about if we all eat together and talk?" Frank asked.

"Sorry, we need to go back to work" Lao said "Maybe later"

"All right" Frank said.

As Lao and his family ended their turn. They all sat down to talk.

"...and then my wife strike her brother in several points of his body to paralyze him" Frank said "I admit that was awesome"

"Your wife knows very much about the art of acupuncture" Lao said.

"Well, I did a lot of research" Helena said "This is the second time I seen you"

"Well, mine is the third" Frank said.

"The third?!" Helena, Eddie and Amy asked.

"Sorry if I didn't tell you before" Frank said "You see..."

**Past**

_I was in the Himalaya...for some reason, I don't remember ***nervously chuckling***. Anyway, I thought I was gonna get buried in the snow. Until..._

Frank survived from that avalanche, but he was buried in the snow. Until he was found by somebody on his horse. That person took him out of the snow and carry him on the horse.

...

Frank woke up and he was found in a nice-looking Chinese house.

"Where am I?" Frank asked.

Then he looked around and he found Yue serving tea.

"Here..." Yue said.

"Wait, how do I know this things won't kill...?" Frank asked as Yue made him drink it.

"If I wanted you dead, I would have left you in the snow" Yue said.

"Ugh...well, that was nice tea, I gotta admit" Frank said.

"Believe it or not, I saw you on the peak of the cliff before the avalanche" Yue said "Were you about to kill yourself?"

"Kill myself?" Frank asked, nervous "Pfft! Come on! I wasn't gonna kill..." but Yue was staring at him with a 'tell me the truth' face "OKAY! I WAS GONNA SHOOT MYSELF! THERE! I SAID IT!" he started sobbing "I failed as a husband, I failed as a father and I failed as a human being!"

"Seeking death will not resolve your problems" Yue said "It will only make them worse"

"Not my problems, but my family's problems!" said.

"Your problems, your family's problems, it doesn't matter" Yue said "There's always Yang in people's Yin"

"I don't understand" Frank said.

"Listen: I need to go back to my town with my husband and daughters" Yue said "I will not mind having some company"

"But..." Frank said.

"You have nothing to do, right?" Yue asked.

"Okay..." Frank accepted.

_And so, Yue and I went across from the Himalaya mountains to the bamboo forest._

Frank and Yue were now in the bamboo forest until...

***ROOAAAAAAR**!*

A panda appeared in front of them.

"AH! A PANDA!" Frank screamed "What we're gonna do?!"

"Here, give him some of my cookies" Yue said, giving him cookies.

"Okay, I don't know anything about pandas, but they don't eat cookies!" Frank said.

"Just do it" Yue said.

Frank grabbed the cookies and offered them to the panda. The panda sniffed them and ate them.

"Good boy, now can you step aside to continue our way?" Frank asked.

"Oh, sure, dude!" the panda said with Jack Black's voice "And if you see Master Shifu, tell him I'm sorry for eating his dumplings"

"With pleasure" Yue said.

Frank seemed confused, but Yue just kept walking.

Then they came across a guy Chinese soldier, cutting a trunk blocking the way.

"Hey, soldier, do you need some help?" Frank asked.

"Oh, yes, a little help would be nice" the Chinese soldier said, whose voice sounds suspiciously feminine.

"Here, it's my husband's lucky axe" Yue said, giving Frank an axe.

And so, Frank and the Chinese soldier finished on cutting off the trunk.

"Thank you for your help" the Chinese soldier thanked.

"You're welcome, I'm Frank" Frank said "And this is Yue"

"Fa Mulan-I MEAN PING! Yeah, Ping!" Mulan/Ping said "I think my captain is calling me and I gotta go! BYE-BYE!"

She ran away as Frank once again looked confused.

Then they finally reached to the village where Yue and her family live.

"Here we are" Yue said.

"It looks beautiful" Frank said.

Then they noticed an old man with a vegetables cart begging to the two guards to let him in.

"Sorry, old man, you have to pay the entrance fee" guard #1 said.

"Please, just let me in!" the old man begged "I promise my grandson will pay the fee!"

"No money, no entrance!" guard #2 said.

"This is unacceptable, there's never been entrance fees on my village before!" Yue said.

"Let me handle this" Frank said "Uh, excuse me, guys. This lady say you shouldn't charge for entrance"

"Oh, so an American like you will tell us how to do our work?" guard #1 asked.

"Maybe we should charge him for a few hits" guard #2 said, cracking his fists.

"Take it easy, guys" Frank said "I don't want any trouble"

"But we do!" guard #1 said.

"Excuse me, gentlemen" Yue said "I think I dropped a huge bag of money over the trees"

"MONEY?! YEAH!" both guards cheered as they went to the trees.

Then Yue took out a whistle and...

***Whistling***

Then a snub-nosed monkey came out from the tree and attacked the guards.

"Are you okay, old man?" Frank asked "Let me help you with the cart"

"Thank you, sir" the old man thanked.

When they entered the village, they went straight to Yue's house. When the door was opened, they found Lao.

"Yue, my love, you came back" Lao said as he kissed her in the lips.

"Oh...my...god!" Frank exclaimed "It's that you, Lao?!"

"Frank, it's been a long time" Lao said.

_He invited me to their home, I met their daughters Ming and Ling..._

***Ming's** **voice*** _We were so cute as 12 years old girls._

***Ling's voice*** _Very cute!_

***Frank's voice*** _...And we've been talking about each others' lives. Both good times...and bad times._

"I'm so sorry, friend" Lao said "No man deserves to live and die alone"

"Maybe only bad men...like me" Frank said.

"Nonsense!" Yue said "Ever since I met you, you've been a true gentlemen. Feeding a hungry panda, helping that soldier and the old man from those awful guards. Aside of my husband, you're the nicest man I've ever met"

"Do you really think so?" Frank asked.

"Listen: you can live with us for a while" Lao said "We'll make you prove that you're a truly good man"

_And so I did, I stayed with them for a while. Thanks to them, I learned the importance of a family..._

**Present**

"If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be here you guys" Frank said.

"And we're all glad to be with you" Helena said.

"You're the best, Dad" Eddie said.

"Oh my gosh, I almost forgot to tell you!" Amy said "Our cupcake store is already opened!"

"Really?" Frank asked "That's wonderful, dear!"

"And you're invited too!" Amy said to Lao and his family.

"It will be a honor" Lao said as he and his family bowed.

After lunch, they went to the cupcake store for the great opening and it was full of people.

"This place looks amazing" Eddie said.

"I'm so proud of you, de-AAAAAH!" Frank screamed as he saw his daughter in a maid uniform.

"Don't I look pretty, Daddy?" Amy asked.

"Uh, yeah, sure" Frank said, not looking at her.

"What's wrong?" Amy asked.

"I really don't want to explain it to you" Frank said, making Helena laughed.

"Hey, Frank!" Peter greeted "Listen: since your wife beat me in that drinking contest, you're welcome to join us in the bar!"

"Really? Even if I don't drink anything?" Frank asked.

"Hey, more beer for me!" Peter said, grabbing a red cupcake "Whoa, this cherry cupcake looks delicious"

"Actually, it's a cupcake called 'Super Spicy 9000 Cupcake" Amy said as Peter ate it "Loaded with extra jalapeños"

Then Peter's face turned red and he started screaming and breathing fire.

***everybody laughs***

**end of the Chapter**


	41. True Guts

**Chapter 41: True Guts**

**(A/E: I'm so sorry for the delay, but I promise I'm gonna keep working as fast as I can. There's a lot of chapters I want to publish. Anyway, enjoy it!)**

It's a snowy day in Quahog where everybody was enjoying the holidays. But there's a family who wouldn't be celebrating Christmas in Quahog. That family is...the Kennedy's.

"Thank you for letting us celebrating Christmas with your family" Matt thanked.

"You're welcome, my sweet apple pie!" Katie said, giving him a kiss "But may I ask: how did this happen?"

"Well..." Bruce said.

**Flashback**

Bruce was trying to cook the turkey in the new oven with a computer. He pressed the button that says 'Turkey'.

_YOU HAVE PRESSED 'CHICKEN'._

"No, I pressed 'turkey'" Bruce corrected, pressing again.

_YOU HAVE PRESSED 'CHICKEN', TWICE._

"No! I pressed 'turkey', you dumb machine!" Bruce insulted, pressing the button several times.

**_OVERLOAD! OVERLOAD! OVERLOAD! INITIATING SELF-DESTRUCT!_**

"MATT!" Bruce screamed for help.

**Flashback's end**

"I'm glad my magic shield saved us" Matt said.

"Hey, why didn't you use your magic to fix dat' oven?" Katie asked.

"My magic can't fix technology" Matt answered.

"Anyway, y'all gonna like my family" Katie said "Aside of my dad, there's my uncle, my cousins and my grandma"

"I can't wait to meet them all!" Sophie said.

"Is that your home?" Bruce asked, pointing at Rose Farms.

"Yes it is!" Katie answered.

They parked near the barn where Sam, Katie's father, was waiting for them.

"Howdy, sweet apple pie!" Sam greeted.

"Howdy, Dad" Katie greeted, hugging him.

"Hello, my name is Bruce" Bruce greeted, shaking Sam's hand, "Nice to meet you, sir"

"Pleasure is mine" Sam said.

"These are my children Matt and Sophie" Bruce said.

"Nice to meet you, sir!" Sophie greeted, bending her dress like a princess.

"What a nice little girl you have" Sam said.

"Nice to meet you too, sir" Matt greeted offering his hand.

"So, you're the little man who's been going out with my sweet sheep?" Sam asked, with an intimidating tone.

"Uh, yeah?" Matt answered, shaking like hell.

"HA! HA! Look at your face!" Sam said "You look like a hungry coyote!"

"Dad! Don't scare him like that!" Katie scolded.

"I didn't, if I wanted him to wet his pants, I would get my gun" Sam said.

"A GUN?!" Matt asked, really scared.

"DAD!" Katie scolded.

"Holy cows, those yankee men wouldn't last 10 hours in the wild" Sam said "Come on in!"

"This is gonna be a longer weekend than my _Five Nights at Freddy's_" Matt complained.

**Flashback**

Matt was working as a security guard on that pizza restaurant.

"I don't get it, why I just close the door, so these killer animatronics don't get me?" Matt asked, pressing the button to close the door "See? That was completely ea-" the Foxy appeared and screamed "AAAAHHHHHHH!

The screen went to static, before showing Matt's eyes and teeth in an empty Freddy suit.

"Aw, f*ck."

**Flashback's end**

When the Kennedy got inside of the house, they met the rest of Katie's family. Katie's uncle who looks a lot like Sam, but he's blonde, and wears a red flannel instead of blue and his nose is longer. Katie's cousins, who are two blonde identical twins, very skinny and they wear blue overalls. And finally, Katie's grandma, she's white haired, she wears a white shirt with black polka dots, blue jeans and brown boots.

"Guys, this is my brother Hank" Sam said.

"Howdy y'all!" Hank greeted "And these knuckleheads are my sons"

"I'm Billy John!" Billy John greeted.

"And I'm Billy Johns!" Billy Johns greeted.

"WE'RE GOLD DIGGERS!" they both exclaimed.

"Any luck to convince them to work in your farm?" Sam asked.

"Nope! They still have the dumbass idea to find gold and be rich" Hank answered.

"And finally: Granny Betsy" Katie said.

"Oh, right! Look what the city brought us!" Granny Betsy said.

"I'm Bruce" Bruce greeted.

"I'm Sophie!" Sophie greeted.

"And I'm Matt" Matt said.

"Even you brought a skinny coyote with you!" Granny Betsy smiled at Matt.

"What?" Matt asked as Granny Betsy handshakes his hand so hard, "OW!"

"HA! HA! HA!" Granny Betsy laughed "This skinny coyote needs food" she friendly slap his Matt so hard, that she made him fall "Come on, let's stuff our mouths!"

"He called you skinny coyote!" Sophie giggled.

"Oh yeah? Would you like to be called 'Sugar Princess'?" Matt asked.

"Actually, yeah!" Sophie answered.

"Damn, I suck at insulting" Matt cursed.

When the dinner was ready, the table was filled with delicious food: turkey, corn, mashed potatoes, cranberry jam, pumpkin pie, all that good stuff.

"This looks delicious!" Bruce said.

"I'm so ready!" Matt said, preparing his fork to grab a turkey leg until Katie snapped it out.

"Stop it, Matt, first we have to pray" Katie said.

"Pray?" Matt asked.

"Is there any problem, sweet pie?" Sam asked.

"Actually, Matt wants to recite the prayers" Katie answered.

"What?" Matt asked.

"Then go ahead, I'd like to hear it" Sam said.

"Huh...okay" Matt said as he prepared his hands to pray and so everyone "Dear...Lord...up in the sky. Please bless this...wonderful meal we're about to eat. And bless this family who were so kind to welcome us and celebrate Christmas with them...right after the new oven burned our turkey...and...almost killed us. But anyway, thank for this wonderful meal. Bless my family, bless Katie's and...my mother who's resting in Heaven, I hope you're taking care of her. And bless America, Amen"

"AMEN!" everybody replied.

"That was wonderful, Son" Bruce said.

"Thanks, Dad" Matt thanked.

"Hey, that picture!" Sophie said, pointing at a picture of a girl who looks awfully like Katie, except she has two braided pony tails "It's that you, Katie?"

"No, it's...my mother when she was my age" Katie sighed "When I was as small as a cattle, me and my mother were like two kidneys sharing the same body"

"Does she always talk with weird metaphors?" Sophie asked.

"Shh, let her talk, sweetheart" Bruce said.

"I miss the time we spend time together as mother and daughter..." Katie said.

**Past**

We see a 6 years old Katie with her mother (whose face wasn't showing). A montage of their time together: feeding the farm animals, drinking the water from a waterfall and of course, riding their horses. Everything happened with the song 'Touch the Sky' by Julie Fowlis from the movie _Brave_ is playing.

**Present**

"I'd like to live these moments again" Katie said.

"I'm so sorry, Katie" Matt said.

"Katie...there's something I need to tell ya'" Sam said.

*BANG*

Sam got shot in the shoulder.

"AH!" Sam screamed of pain.

*Everybody screaming*

"DAD!" Katie screamed.

"He's bleeding!" Matt said.

"It was just a flesh wound" Bruce said, checking on the injury "Just press hard to stop the bleeding.

"Hey, papa!" Billy John called.

"There's a man running away!" Billy Johns said.

Hank and his sons got outside as he prepared his shotgun and aimed to the cowboy riding his horse. But it was too dark already and the cowboy was now very far away.

"Dog gone it!" Hank cursed as he kicked a rock that accidentally hit Billy John "Sorry, son"

"I'm okay!" Billy John said.

"It happen a lot in the mine" Billy Johns said, showing his scar on his skull "Good-bye half of my memories"

They send Sam to his room where Granny Betsy was putting him on a bandage.

"You're gonna be okay, son" Granny Betsy "If you survived against that bull when you were 12, you can survive this"

"Who was this man?" Katie asked.

"I don't know, but I found the bullet that wounded Mr. Rose" Matt said, showing the bullet.

Bruce looked at it closely and he found two small letters on the bullet: 'CH'.

"'CH'?" Bruce asked "What does these letters mean?

"Convoy Head..." Sam gasped.

"Who?" Katie asked.

"Sweetie...bear with me for what I'm gonna say" Sam said.

"BEAR?! WHERE?!" Billy John asked, panicked.

"Not that kind of 'bear', knucklehead" Hank said,

"He used to work with the Bottomnickels, until they found out he was drinking too much and got kicked out" Sam exclaimed "Then one day, he saw your mother and then..."

"BANG!" Sophie exclaimed, pretending she has a gun.

"Exactly" Sam said.

"SOPHIE!" Matt scolded.

"What? I wasn't even paying attention" Sophie said.

"She was killed?!" Katie asked, outraged "You told me she died in a stampede!"

"A stampede? A STAMPEDE?!" Granny Smith asked, outraged too "That's the best excuse you could come up with?!"

"Well, there was also the 'she died in a rodeo' thing, but that would make you hate them" Hank said.

"How could you lie to me like this?!" Katie asked.

"I was tryin' to protect you from this dangerous man" Sam answered "Promise me you won't try to track down this man"

"But, Dad!" Katie said.

"Listen to your dad, Katie" Hank said.

"Yeah, any guy with a gun means bad news" Matt said.

**Cutaway**

A guy was carrying the game Shadow the Hedgehog, whose cover has Shadow carrying a gun.

"This game is gonna suck..." the guy said.

**(A/E: Just to be clear: I don't hate that game, in fact, I like it. But I don't hear nice things about it)**

**Cutaway's end**

When night fall and everybody was sleeping, Matt woke up a little for a glass of water. Then he found out someone was in the barn, so he came out to check it out. It was Katie, who's taking her horse Chocolate out of the barn.

"Katie, what are you doing?" Matt asked.

"I'm looking for the man who killed my mother" Katie answered.

"But you promised your Dad..."

"I know, but I can't sleep at night knowing there the guy who killed my mother is laughing like a god damn hyena at he had done!" Katie said "He has to pay!"

"So, are you gonna call Axel to help you with your revenge?" Matt asked.

"Funny thing you said that" Axel answered, appearing out of nowhere.

"Axel?!" Matt asked.

"Your cow-girlfriend and I share the same pain" Axel said "We're going True Grit on him"

"Oh boy, this is insane" Matt commented

"You both need horses, you can borrow some" Katie said, going for horses "Axel, this Black Thunder"

Black Thunder was a tough black horse with white mane

"Now we're talking!" Axel said.

"And Matt, this is Champion" Matt said.

But it wasn't a horse, but...a gray mule.

***HEE-HAW***

"Why his name is Champion?" Matt asked.

"He won a mule competition" Katie answered "Anyway, let's go to find the guy and turn him into a hamburger with BBQ sauce!"

"HELL YEAH!" Axel said "Hit it, Mariachi Owls!"

The Mariachi Owls from the movie Rango started playing some kickass western music as the three rode into the desert to find the killer.

After several hours riding their horses, they started slowing down due hunger. They were in the middle of the desert.

"We've been ridin' for hours and our horses are starvin'" Katie said.

"Me too" Matt said, as his stomach was rumbling.

"I'd kill for a BBQ burger" Axel replied.

"We should rest and start looking for food" Matt said.

"Leave it to me" Axel said as he went to look for food.

Then Matt looked at Katie, who's carrying a gun. Then she threw a bottle and...

***BANG***

The bottle was destroyed.

"What are you doing?" Matt asked.

"Practicin' my aim, I have to get ready to execute this man" Katie said.

"Katie, maybe vengeance isn't the answer" Matt said.

"You don't anything about a beautiful mother and daughter relationship!" Katie said.

"No, I'm not a girl" Matt said "But, I loved my mother too!"

**Flashback**

A 6 years old Matt was crying on the park. Then his mother (who, like Katie's mother, has her face unseen) appeared to comfort him.

"What's the matter, dear?" Matt's mother asked.

"A boy took my favorite ball and threw it away" little Matt said.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, dear" Matt's mother said "Come with me, I'll buy you an ice cream"

"Really?" little Matt asked, getting a little better.

"Chocolate with peanuts' your favorite" Matt's mother said.

"Yeah!" little Matt cheered.

**Flashback's end**

"Wow...I had no idea...sorry, Matt" Katie said.

"It's okay..." Matt sighed "Having no mothers really suck. Our lives are like a Disney film without the beautiful stuff"

"WATCH OUT!" Katie screamed, tackling Matt and shooting at something.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Matt asked.

Then she realized it was just a cactus.

"I thought it was Convoy" Katie said.

"Look, it's a cactus full of water!" Matt said, looking at the water coming out of the cactus, because of the hole it was made by the bullet "Finally! I was really thirsty!" he started drinking the water.

"Matt! DON'T drink water from a cactus!" Katie said "It would cause you hallucinate like an owl after looking at the moon...wow, that movie about owls was somewhat accurate if you think about it"

Then Matt started acting strange, he felt his body like rubber and he can't stop smiling.

"Katie, look! This meadow is full of flowers!" Matt said, rolling on the dry ground and laughing.

Then Katie found out the sky turned gray and it was gathering a storm.

"Matt, look at me!" Katie told him "We have to get out of here! There's a storm gathering!"

But Matt, due to hallucinations, he imagined Katie wearing make-up to look more feminine and beautiful.

"_Blah, blah, I'm saying words, blah, blah, I look beautiful, blah, blah, I wanna kiss you_" imaginary Katie said.

"You don't have to tell me twice..." Matt said, preparing his lips to get kissed.

Katie just rolled her eyes of annoyance and took Matt to the horses. She rode their horses and started looking for refuge.

Meanwhile; Axel was looking for food and he found a fox.

"Nothing personal, buddy, but me and my friends are starved" Axel said, preparing his gun. But when it started raining, the fox ran away "DAMN IT! This can't get any worse!" Then he got struck by a lightning and he passed out.

Meanwhile; Katie and Matt (who's still under the cactus juice's effects) were in a cave.

"We'll be safe until the storm ceases" Katie said.

"Why do we have holes in our bellies?" Matt asked, touching his bellybutton and smiling like a dork.

"And hopefully you will stop hallucinating" Katie said as she started getting cold due tp the weather "Tarnation! It's too cold! And the worst thing we don't have wood to set a fire. Matt, use your magical powers to create fire"

"Huh?" Matt asked.

"Use your hands" Katie told.

"Okay" Matt said as he started clapping "This so fun!"

"ARGH!" Katie groaned, desperate "How are we gonna get hot?!" then she thought for a moment and she felt so ashamed "My father is gonna kill me for this..." she approached Matt "Listen to me, Matt, the only way to survive from this cold, it's that you and me must have...gulp...sex"

"What?" Matt asked as he once again imagined Katie as a pretty girl.

"_I want to make love with you, my handsome man..."_ imaginary Katie said with a seductive tone.

"I'm all yours..." Matt said, smiling.

"I hope I don't regret for this" Katie said, taking off her clothes.

Meanwhile, Axel survived from the lightning and then he was found by somebody and dragged off to who knows where. When Axel woke up he realized he was in an indian tent with...Tonto from _The Lone Ranger_ (the 2013 film...unfortunately).

"You woke up, Kemosabe" Tonto said.

"Johnny Depp?" Axel asked "What am I doing in this indian tent and why out of all your quirky characters, you chose the one that pissed off the Native American community?"

"He's not the only one" Jack Sparrow said, behind Axel "Savvy?"

"What the hell?" Axel asked as Willy Wonka appeared too

"Would you like some candy, one of my Oompa Loompas made it just for you" Willy Wonka said, offering him a purple candy.

"No, thanks, I don't wanna get turned into a giant blueberry balloon" Axel said.

"That was a test and you passed" Willy Wonka said.

"You won this hat I made" Mad Hatter said, putting him on a hat that looks exactly like his own.

"Is there another quirky character played by you, Depp?" Axel asked as Rango appeared as well.

"Funny you say that." Rango said.

"All right, can you tell me what's going on?" Axel asked.

"We know how you can kill the murderer your friend is looking" Tonto answered.

"Really? How?" Axel asked.

"Give her this" Tonto said, giving him a very special bullet.

"A bullet?" Axel asked "I think she has enough bullets"

"But the man...is not alone" Tonto answered.

"Well, she's not alone, she's with..." Axel said.

"Just take the bloody bullet!" Jack Sparrow demanded.

"Okay! Okay! Geez!" Axel said, taking the bullet "It's not like I'm receiving the Excalibur"

**Cutaway**

We see King Arthur receiving the Excalibur.

"My lord, take this sword and rule Camelot with honor and dignity" the priest said.

"This is exactly what I need!" King Arthur said as he used the sword to...cut off his sandwich's crusts "I hate crusts on my sandwich"

**Cutaway's end**

Next morning, the storm was gone and Matt was waking up.

"Uh...oh, my head hurts" Matt said as he realized he was naked "Where's my clothes?!" then he found out Katie, who's just wearing her flannel blouse and white panties "KATIE?!"

"Uh...good morning, Matt" Katie greeted, nervously.

"Did we...last night...?" Matt asked.

"It was the only way to survive from the cold" Katie answered "So...yeah, we did it"

"But, why I don't remember a thing?" Matt asked.

"You were all dizzy for that cactus juice" Katie answered, putting on her jeans.

"You know, this is basically rape" Matt said.

"No, it isn't!" Katie corrected "I told you NOT to drink that!"

"Okay, you're right" Matt said "I gotta admit, you're beautiful"

"Oh, thanks" Katie thanked, blushing.

But then out of nowhere, a mysterious cowboy came forth and pointed at them with his guns. He was wearing an all black trench coat

"Both of you...come with me" the mysterious cowboy demanded.

"Can you let me put on my clothes first?" Matt asked.

Later, they were on the peak of a mountain with both Matt and Katie were tied up to a tree.

"All right, who are you?!" Katie asked.

The mysterious man took off his mask, revealing his face. It was a middle age man with long ginger hair.

"Convoy Head..." Convoy answered.

"YOU!" Katie gasped "You're my mother's killer!"

"I won't lie to you...but I have a good reason for why I did it" Convoy said.

"NO GOOD REASON WILL JUSTIFY YOUR ATROCITIES!" Katie shouted.

_Are you sure...Rose?_

They all turned around to see the owner's voice...it was Linda Bottomnickel from Chapter 5.

"Did you miss me?" Linda asked.

"LINDA?!" Katie asked.

"Who's Linda?" Matt asked.

"The girl Amy beat in that rodeo" Katie answered "But she was arrested for cheatin'. How did you get free?"

"No thanks to you, that's for sure" Linda answered "But enough about me, can you please tell her why you kill her mother, Uncle?"

"UNCLE?!" Katie and Matt asked.

"I was actually supposed to kill your father..." Convoy answered.

**Flashback**

We see Convoy begging the Bottomnickels as they were all glaring at him. Then they throw him a photograph of Sam Rose.

_I begged them not to kick me out due to my alcoholism. So they gave an important task: killing the patriarch of our family's rival: Sam Rose._

Then we see Convoy pointing his gun at Katie's mother.

_But instead, I saw your mother and she just wanted to help me._

"Please, stop this" Katie's mother said.

Convoy lowered his gun until Sam showed up with his shotgun, making Convoy to react and accidentally shot Katie's mother.

_But when your father showed up, I forgot I was holding my gun. After that, I ran as fast as possible...as the coward as I am._

**Flashback's end**

"But why the Bottomnickels want to take over Rose Farms?" Matt asked.

"Because they own the last territory my family needs for their construction plan" Linda answered "A construction plan of epic proportions. They're calling it, a Freeway!"

"A Freeway?" Matt asked.

"Eight lanes of shimmering cement running from here to Springfield. Smooth, straight, fast. Traffic jams will be a thing of the past" Linda answered.

"So that's why your family killed my mother?" Katie asked "For this Freeway?"

"Of course not" Linda answered "You lack vision. I see a place where people get off and on the Freeway. On and off. Off and on. All day, all night. Soon where your family's territory once stood will be a string of gas stations. Inexpensive motels. Restaurants that serve rapidly prepared food. Tyre salons. Automobile dealerships. And wonderful, wonderful bill boards reaching as far as the eye can see... My god, It'll be beautiful"

"Oh, come on, that's the stupidest plan I've ever heard!" Matt commented "In fact, I think you took it from _Who Framed Roger Rabbit_!"

"It's a great plan, so shut up!" Linda said "Now, the only problem is: what I'm gonna do with you guys?"

"I challenge you to a fast draw!" Katie said.

"What?" Linda asked.

"Convoy and me, two come in, one comes out!" Katie said.

"I was planning to collect reward for kidnapping you, but the fast draw sounds better" Linda said.

"DAMN IT!" Matt cursed "Nice move, Katie!"

Katie and Convoy prepared their stances for the fast draw. They both stared at each other as Linda and Matt (still tied up) were just watching.

"Katie, maybe I should..."

"SHUT UP!" Linda demanded "Prepare your guns!"

Convoy and Katie prepared their respective guns, but Katie's gun has no bullets.

"Oh no, my bullets are gone!" Katie said.

"Oh, what a shame..." Linda said as behind of her back, she was carrying the bullets "Convoy, shoot at her"

Convoy was about to shoot, but then...

_WAIT!_

They turned around and saw Axel.

"Sorry, I didn't bring any food, but I bring you this!" Axel said, throwing the special bullet to Katie.

"Where did you get that?" Katie said.

"Long story" Axel answered "Now kill this bastard"

"...no" Katie said, dropping her gun and special bullet "For much I want revenge, I'm not capable of killing somebody"

"Bad choice!" Linda said "Uncle, shoot him!"

"NO!" Convoy said, pointing at her "I sick of being your family's slave!"

***BANG***

Unfortunately, she was perfectly fine.

"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!" Linda laughed "I knew you would betray me, so I replaced all your bullets with blanks!" she took out her own gun "Good riddance!"

***BANG***

But then a bullet snapped Linda's gun, then Convoy took his chance to grab Katie's gun and special bullet. And used it to shoot at Linda. But she quickly dodge it.

"HA! YOU MISS!" Linda mocked.

But the bullet was actually a curved bullet that turned around and hit both Linda and Convoy. They lost balance, fell of the cliff and their bodies hit their ground. Our heroes stared at them.

"I gotta say, that was a little anti-climatic" Axel said.

"Well, the man who killed your mother is dead, how so you feel?" Matt asked.

"I don't know, I...feel empty" Katie said "Maybe he wasn't a monster as I imagined..."

"That's it?" Matt asked in a disappointing tone "You made me ride a donkey, I got starved, I got drunk by cactus juice, I had sex without even knowing, I was hostage of your bitch of a rival and her psychotic uncle and you feel EMPTY?!"

"Uh...yeah?" Katie asked, very nervous.

"...all right, fair enough" Matt said with a happy tone.

"Let's go home" Axel said, getting on Black Thunder "HI-YO, BLACK THUNDER!"

Katie and Matt got on their horses to ride home as the Indiana Jones theme is played to recreate the ending of _the Last Crusade_.

**End of the Chapter**

**(A/E: Hello, everyone, again, sorry for the delay. This chapter was suppose to be updated on Christmas. But don't worry, I'm not gone. Also, this is the first chapter of a sorta trilogy called 'My Favorites from 2010', which each chapter shares a similar plot of a movie I liked back in 2010. In this case, it was a parody of 'True Grit'. The next chapter...I won't tell which movie is. But here's a clue: it's the one where Natalie Portman makes out with Mila Kunis.)**


	42. Bleh Swan

**Chapter 42: Bleh Swan **

A beautiful ballerina in white was dancing on the dark with only a spotlight pointing at her.

_I just had a dream...a dream where I was a beautiful ballerina...for this moment, I was perfect. What? Did you guys think I was Meg? No, it's me Eddie...I MEAN, Emma! No, I mean Eddie dressed as Emma! I can explain: I was possessed by a...! Oh, great, spoilers. You know what? Let's start out from the beginning._

**One Week Ago**

It was a typical day in James Woods High School, all the students were chatting until somebody came in: a beautiful brunette girl wearing a purple dress, red sash and black flaps. Everybody stared at her while she kept walking like a model. Then she approached Meg, Chris and Amy by the lockers.

"Hello, friends" the girl greeted.

"Oh my god, hi, Emma!" Amy greeted, happy to see her sister (or her brother in drag) once again.

"Eddie, why the hell are you dressed like this...again?" Meg asked.

"There's going to be a school play and I'm going to an audition for the main lead" Emma/Eddie answered.

"What play?" Chris asked.

Emma/Eddie took out a poster called _Black Swan_, directed by Caroline Black.

"The school play version of one of my favorite movies of all time: Black Swan" Emma/Eddie answered.

"Oh yeah, the one where Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis made out!" Chris said.

"Wait, doesn't Caroline...kinda hates you?" Meg asked.

"If I support her play, she'll see me as a good guy" Emma/Eddie answered.

"Or a weird guy in drag" Axel said, appearing out of nowhere.

"AXEL!" Emma/Eddie screamed.

"It's okay, we're all men and we're all have our personal sexual fantasies" Axel said "...However mine is obviously the best and have a fanbase dedicated to it."

"I don't understand why Principal Shepard didn't approved my play" Chris said "Even I hired Tom Hardy!" he took out a puppet version of Bane from _the Dark Knight Rises_ "TA-DA!"

"Chris, that's a puppet version of Nolan's Bane" Meg said.

"I will make this school burn!" Chris said, imitating Bane's voice.

"Whatever, we'll be late for our next class, come on, Amy" Meg said.

"Okey dokey lokey!" Amy replied.

The three leave, but Axel wanted to stay and talk to Eddie.

"Eddie, we need to talk" Axel said, with a serious tone.

"No, I'm not planning a sex-change surgery" Emma/Eddie said.

"Not that!" Axel said, annoyed "Even if you get a vagina, I still wouldn't have sex with you. Anyway, I know Caroline was behind the school terrorism, and so do you."

"What? Of course not?!" Emma/Eddie replied.

"Don't lie to me, I also know that she's manipulating you, reminding you of when you were a bully" Axel said.

"What am I supposed to do?" Emma/Eddie asked "She has a perfectly clean slate.

"I don't give a sh*t!" Axel said "You can erase records, but not the memories!"

"Listen, I gotta go" Emma/Eddie said.

S/he went to his classroom as Axel then don a grim expression.

"Then she's going to have to deal with me" Axel whispered "Like the time my father dealt with the FOX executive"

**Cutaway**

We see Nathan beating up a FOX executive, who's tied up to a chair.

"Why did you cancel _Firefly_?!" Nathan asked.

"I don't know!" FOX executive answered as he continued getting beat up.

"This was the best TV show ever made!" Nathan said "How dare you ending the story with without any conclusion?!"

"Joss Whedon is actually planning to conclude the series with a movie!" FOX executive answered.

"Wow, really?" Nathan asked, already calmed "Looks like I didn't have to beat you up"

"Can I go now?" FOX executive asked.

"No, until you promise me you won't cancel _Futurama _too!" Nathan threatened, and then he pulled out a chainsaw, "And _My Name Is Earl_ while we're at it!"

**Cutaway's end**

Meanwhile; Caroline along with principal Shepard were in the auditorium, choosing the cast of Black Swan. Next, it was Scott dressed as a rapper.

**Scott:**

_My name's Scott, don't confuse it with Scotch_

_I can rapping like a pro, and barking like a dog_

_(Woof-Woof)_

_I may be bad, but I still can act_

_If you choose me for lead, I will make world peace_

He finished it as he dropped the microphone.

"Am I in?" Scott asked.

"One: this is not a musical and two: your performance was so bad that I think you gave me cancer" Caroline said "Now get out of here, before I kill myself!"

Scott sadly left the auditorium.

"Ms. Black, don't you think you're being too harsh on the students?" Principal Shepard asked.

"Maybe you're being too soft, Principal Shepard" Caroline answered "I'm looking for PERFECTION!"

Finally Emma/Eddie came up to the stage.

"Hello, I'm Emma Walter" Emma/Eddie greeted.

"Emma Walter?" Caroline asked "I never heard of her. Does she even go to school here?"

"I don't see her name on the list" Principal Shepard said.

"Just give me a chance" Emma/Eddie said.

"Next" Caroline said.

"I'm gonna impress you" Emma/Eddie said.

"Next" Caroline said.

"You won't be disappointed" Emma/Eddie said.

"NE-"

"STOP SAYING NEXT!" Emma/Eddie told "I don't care what's it gonna take to be perfect! Not matter the stress, not matter the pain, I will be perfect!"

Both Caroline and the principal were speechless.

"You, Ms. Walter, ...you're perfect for Nina Sayers!" Caroline said "The role is yours!"

"Oh my god, really?!" Emma/Eddie asked, excited.

"Come back here, tomorrow after school" Caroline told "DON'T be late"

"YES!" Emma/Eddie cheered as she/he left the podium.

She/he ran to the girls' bathroom, took out her/his cellphone to call somebody. Then a line divided the screen, revealing Helena.

"Hello?" Helena asked.

"I got the leading role, Mom!" Emma/Eddie answered "Isn't that amazing?!"

"Congratulations, sweetie" Helena praised "I'm sure you'll do a great job"

"Thank you...mother" Emma/Eddie said, shedding some tears.

"Are you fine, honey?" Helena asked, concerned.

"Yeah, I'm just very happy..." Emma/Eddie answered.

"Good for you, now if you excuse us, your father and I are busy" Helena said.

"All right, see you at home" Emma/Eddie said as she/he phoned off.

Helena phoned off as we see Frank laying on the bed and wearing nothing, but a red speedo.

"I'm ready, babe..." Frank said.

"You know how to turn me on" Helena said "My question is: do I turn you on?" she took taking off her robe, revealing a maid dress.

"Oh yeah" Frank answered.

Emma/Eddie came out of the toilet as she/he found that somebody wrote with red lipstick in the mirror '_WHORE_'. Emma/Eddie was scared out of her wits and she tried to erase it with a paper towel. Then there was more: '_you think you're the most beautiful girl of school? You're nothing, but a guy who loves wearing panties! So keep your eyes op.._', then the note continued with black marker: '_Sorry. My lipstick ran out, so I'm using black marker. Anyway, keep your eyes open, because I'm gonna bring you down!_'.

Emma/Eddie was scared by the warning, so she/he got out of the bathroom.

Back to the Walkers' apartment, the family was having dinner. Eddie was still dressed as Emma.

"Son, why are you still dressed like this?" Frank asked "It doesn't bother me, I'm just curious"

"I need to keep in-character for the play" Emma/Eddie said.

"If that's the case, I have something to give you" Helena said as she went for something.

"Are your boobies real?" Amy asked, pointing at Emma/Eddie's breasts.

"NO!" Emma/Eddie answered, hiding her/his breasts "Dad!"

"Leave your sis-I MEAN, brother!" Frank corrected, embarrassed "Sorry..."

Helena came back with an old box and she opened them revealing an old, yet pretty ballet shoes.

"These are my old ballet shoes" Helena said "I used to practice ballet when I was your age. I was actually very good"

"Let me guess: 'then I was born'" Emma/Eddie said, thinking she was going to use the 'you broke my dreams' cliché.

"NO!" Helena said "You see..."

**Flashback**

_I was gonna be the lead of Swan Lake. But one day before the play, he tried to seduce me..._

A young Helena was practicing ballet as she was instructed by a french man, who tried to put the moves on her.

_So, I ran as fast as possible and he...died in a hilarious way._

A young Helena slapped him in the face and she ran away as fast as possible. The french man chased after her until he was smashed by a piano that they were trying to get off the truck.

**Flashback's end**

"Ever since then, I'm afraid of french people...and have much respect for pianos" Helena said "The point is: don't let your instructor or director take advantage on you"

"I won't, Caroline isn't like that at all" Emma/Eddie said "Sure, she's strict, but she does it with the best intentions"

"Also, I'm pretty sure she won't flirt you as long she thinks you're a girl" Amy said.

"In any case, go get a piano!" Frank said as he did a forced laugh, but nobody else laughed "Sorry...again"

Next day; Caroline was training the ballerinas to prepare for the play.

"One, two, three, one, two, three, one, two, three..." Caroline counted the steps the cast must follow.

"Caroline..." Connie said.

"One: it's Ms. Black for you!" Caroline said "Two: Do NOT interrupt this session ever again! Now, keep going!"

"I need a toilet!" Connie said.

"STOP EVERYONE!" Caroline ordered as she approached Connie "WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION?! DIDN'T MOM AND DAD SHOW YOU ENOUGH ATTENTION WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD?!"

"MA'AM! NO! MA'AM!" Connie replied as a solider, clearly scared.

Then Caroline smelled something...something nasty.

"ARGH! Did you just sh*t yourself?!" Caroline asked, disgusting everyone around them, "Get out of here, you make me sick!"

Connie cried as she ran away.

"Great, she was gonna play the seductive Lily in my play!" Caroline said.

"Ah...Lily isn't blonde, she's black haired" Emma/Eddie corrected "After all she was played by the sexy and funny Mila Kunis"

"I know she's played by Mila 'I-Sucked-In-Oz-The-Great-And-Powerful' Kunis!" Caroline said "But, for me: she wasn't seductive enough. I need a sexy blonde girl who can give a boner, even to dweebs like Harry Potter!"

**Cutaway**

Ginny Weasley came out, wearing sexy black lingerie.

"I'm ready, Harry..." Ginny said as she found Harry on bed whose erection was too long "Oh, did you use the 'Dickus Erectus' spell again?"

"Um...no" Harry answered.

"Don't make me bring the Veritaserum" Ginny warned.

"Yes..." Harry confessed, ashamed.

**Cutaway's end**

Then somebody came in: it was no one else...but Blonde Meg from 'Don't Make Me Over'! She was wearing a pink leotard, white tights underneath and pink ballet shoes.

"Wait, is that...?" Gina asked.

"...Meg?" Emma/Eddie asked.

"Hi, bitches" Meg greeted.

"Griffin, you're late!" Caroline scolded "But...wow, look at you: blonde long hair, perfect make-up, you're a little bulky, but men love fat women"

"Ah...no, they don't" Roberta corrected.

"I mean SMART men, not fat and moronic like the fathers of America!" Caroline said.

Then in the Griffins' house, Peter was reading the newspaper until he felt something.

"What's wrong, Peter?" Lois asked.

"I don't know, Lois, but I have the feeling that some bitch is insulting me and the men of America" Peter answered.

Back to school...

"Show me what you've got" Caroline ordered.

"Play it, DJ!" Meg told to a female DJ, who looks like DJ Pon-3 and she played some sexy music.

Meg started dancing on the pole like a stripper in a very sexy way: showing off her butt, rubbing the pole with her breasts and even licking the pole. That made Emma/Eddie blushing like crazy as she/he hid her/his nose bleeding...and erection. When the music stopped, all the girls cheered and applauded. Especially Caroline.

"THAT-WAS-BRILLANT!" Caroline praised "You're absolutely perfect for Lily!"

"Well, thanks" Meg thanked.

"In fact: I want you and Emma to spend the weekend together" Caroline said "Just like the two characters in the movie"

"Caroline, I don't know if that's-" Emma/Eddie said.

"We'd love to!" Meg said.

"Excellent" Caroline praised "All right, this rehearsal is over. See you all in Monday"

As everybody retired; Caroline was the first to leave school. But suddenly a mysterious person drugged her and kidnapped her.

Meanwhile, in the Kennedy's house; Matt was reading the Spellbook. But he noticed that the book was glowing like a radar.

"That's strange" Matt said as Sophie came into his room.

"What's strange?" Sophie asked.

"Why every time my Spellbook is acting weird, you have to come into my room?" Matt asked.

"Well, you always forget to close the door" Sophie added.

"Anyway, it seems this Spellbook can detect somebody's presence" Matt said "Maybe magical creatures"

"Like dragons, unicorns, or maybe...witches?" Sophie asked.

"It's possible, the owner of the store told me it was formerly owned by three witches who are sisters and their spirits are wandering around, trying to find their way back to the land of the living." Matt explained.

"Sounds creepy" Sophie commented.

"Relax, little sister, they only need bodies to come back to life." Matt replied "I'm sure they haven't get a body yet"

That night; Meg and Emma/Eddie were in a night club, both wearing sexy dresses.

"Isn't that great?" Meg asked "Look at us: two bombshells in one place surrounded dozens of hot guys!"

"Meg, let me ask you something: it was you who wrote that threatening message on the girls' bathroom's mirror?" Emma/Eddie asked, in a serious tone.

"I don't know what you're talking about" Meg answered.

"I'm not a fool, I know you feel jealous at me when I'm dressed like this" Emma/Eddie said.

"Oh, please, Caroline perfectly knows that I'm hotter than you" Meg said.

"Excuse me, ladies, may I take your order?" the waiter asked.

"Yeah, a tomato salad, please" Emma/Eddie ordered.

"And I'll take a double cheeseburger with extra fries" Meg ordered "Chop-chop!"

"I'll be back with your order" the waiter said as he leaves.

"See? I'm so hot that I'm not afraid on getting fat" Meg said.

"Would you excuse me? I need a bathroom" Emma/Eddie said, going to the bathroom.

She/he was using looking herself/himself at the mirror and taking a deep breath.

"All right, take it easy, you already watched the movie" Emma/Eddie "You gotta be as sensual as your girlfriend...who am I kidding? She's a complete knock-out and I'm just a guy in a dress. I should forget about the play"

Then Emma/Eddie's reflection started moving by itself.

"What's the matter, are you gonna just give up?" Emma/Eddie's reflection asked.

"Great, now I'm getting crazy like Natalie Portman's character" Emma/Eddie said.

"Listen, bitch: I'm not an illusion, I'm as real as the Spellbook!" the reflection said.

"Wait, did you say 'the Spellbook'?" Emma/Eddie asked.

"I am Miriam, the original owner of the book!" Miriam answered "And for years I've been wandering around like a ghost to find my book. Looks like you know something about it"

"I don't know who you are, but I'm just gonna ignore you since you're just an illusion" Emma/Eddie said until she/he felt a headache "AARRRRGH!"

"I may not recover all my powers, but I still have a few tricks under my sleeve!" Miriam said.

After that, Emma/Eddie came out as her/his eyes was showing signals of possession. She/he came back to the table where she/he found Meg with two handsome guys: a blonde guy and a brunette guy.

"Hey, Emma, I'd like to introduce these two guys I've just met: Chip and Dale" Meg said.

"Actually, I'm Dave" Dave (the brunette one) corrected.

**(A/E: The funny thing is that in the movie, the characters were making a _Tom and Jerry_ joke...)**

"WE DON'T CARE!" everybody shouted.

**(A/E: Sorry...)**

"Whatever, LET'S DANCE!" Meg said.

Then Meg and Emma/Eddie were dancing as techno music is played and color lights were displaying. They also were drinking, kissing and even hanging out with Phil, Stu and Alan from _the Hangover_ trilogy. What happened to Chip and Dave? Well...they ended up dead in a dark alley.

Their dead bodies were attracting flies, when suddenly, coming out of the shadows…was Raine.

"What? I think I deserve a cameo. It's not my problem if you think I don't fit in the Family Guy fandom." Raine glared at the audience, "Now if you excuse me…" She begin dragging the dead bodies off screen.

After a while, Meg took Emma/Eddie to her/his apartment as they were both very drunk.

"Oh my god, this was the best night of our lives!" Emma/Eddie said.

"And it's not over yet..." Meg said "Let's do it in your room!"

"Wait, really?" Emma/Eddie asked "I don't think Mom and Dad..."

"Screw them, let's do it!" Meg said.

When they entered the apartment, Helena (wearing her robe) was sitting there and crossing her arms.

"Where have you been, young man?" Helena asked.

"Nothing, Mom, we were just hanging out with Chip and Dale!" Emma/Eddie answered.

"Do you have any idea of how late it...?" Helena asked.

"Back off, bitch!" Meg answered, pushing her off.

Then they went to Eddie's room where they closed the door.

EDWARD, OPEN THE DOOR!

But they just ignored her and they started recreating the famous scene of the movie shot-by-shot: making out, stripping off to their bras and panties (Meg was wearing black and Emma/Eddie was wearing white) and Meg pulled down Emma/Eddie's panties (we didn't see anything, just Emma/Eddie's reaction to...well, you know) to perform...well, you know.

**Cutaway**

Jessica from 'The Unknown Griffin' was reading my fanfic.

"Wow, I don't care if Walker is a guy in drag, this is HOT!" Jessica said.

**Cutaway's end**

Meanwhile, in a hidden place; Caroline regained conscious and she was tied up to a chair. There's a table in front of him.

"Ugh, where the hell am I?" Caroline asked.

Hello, Ms. Black...

Axel (he was wearing sunglasses like a bad cop) came out from the shadows.

"You, you're the guy who tried to seduce me!" Caroline said.

"Yes, don't worry, I'm not gonna rape you" Axel said.

"Oh, good" Caroline said as Axel slammed his hands on the table.

"But I have some questions for you and you better answer!" Axel said.

"Huh?" Caroline asked.

"What do you know about the SP?!" Axel saked.

"The what?" Caroline asked.

"Don't play dumb with me!" Axel warned.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Caroline said.

"You are a liar!" Axel replied as he started to kick and wrestle a chair.

"Okay, if we're gonna recreate scenes from _The LEGO Movie_, can you act at least like the Good Cop too?" Caroline asked as Axel stopped wrestling the chair.

"Oh, yes. But we're not done yet" Axel said as he changed his sunglasses to a nerdy glasses "Hi, sweetie! I'm your friendly friend Axel! Would you like a glass of water?"

"I know what you're gonna..." Caroline said as Axel changed back to his sunglasses.

"TOO BAD!" Axel said, knocking off the glass of water "NOW TELL ME WHY DID YOU WORK WITH BELTRAINE?!"

"Listen: I won't say a goddamn thing, because it's not of your business!" Caroline said "Now, let me go!"

"Okay, looks like we're gonna do it the hard way/" Axel said.

"I've watched all the documentaries about interrogating terrorists" Caroline said "And believe it or not: nothing scares me"

"I was thinking of watching one of my favorite comedies" Axel said, taking out the DVD of...Jack and Jill.

"NO! THAT MOVIE KILLS BRAIN CELLS IN MINUTES!" Caroline said.

"Come on, it's gonna be fun!" Axel said, putting on duct tapes on Caroline's eye-lips and putting the DVD to start the movie "Let the show begin..."

Then Axel turned to the screen.

"Seriously, people. Adam Sandler's movies aren't that bad. Sure, That's My Boy and Jack And Jill weren't all that great, but the problem is, the critics that watch the movies are high-class snobs who think that every movie must have a compelling story and great characters and all that (BLEEP!) to be considered good. Honestly, do we, the people, actually watched Michael Bay's Transformers movies just for the story? NO! We watch it because it has f*cking robots fighting! YOU PEOPLE NEED TO REALIZE THAT MICHAEL BAY GIVES US SOME OF THE BEST ACTION IN MOVIES, AND ADAM SANDLER GIVE US COMEDY THAT MAKES US LAUGH, LIKE FAMILY GUY!"

"Excuse me, can we get back to the chapter?" Caroline glared at Axel.

Next day, the cast were wondering for Caroline's presence. When Emma/Eddie showed up, the first thing she/he did was approaching Meg.

"Oh, hi, Emma!" Meg greeted.

"Meg, what happened last night?" Emma/Eddie asked "We slept together in my apartment. But at the next day you were gone. Even my mom doesn't know anything about it"

"Emma, that didn't happen" Meg corrected "In fact: you were feeling all sick in the bathroom"

**Flashback**

We see Emma/Eddie spinning around and vomiting like the girl from _the Exorcist _in the bathroom.

**Flashback's end**

"I had to take you home" Meg said.

Then principal Shepard appeared.

"Guys, we have bad news" Principal Shepard said "Caroline's grandmother called me and she told me that's feeling really sick and she won't be able to finish the play"

Everybody was about to cheer...but they pretended to be sad in front of the principal.

"Great, now what?" Meg asked.

"Let me take the director's chair!" Emma/Eddie said.

"HUH?" Everybody asked.

"Are you sure?" Principal Shepard asked "This is a big responsibility. In fact, the only one who can do that is-" Emma/Eddie pulled her/his wig a little to reveal her/his real hair to the principal "Second thought: you're the right guy-I MEAN, GIRL for the job!"

"Thank you" Emma/Eddie thanked.

"The play is still on!" Principal Shepard cheered.

Everybody was about to groan...but they pretended to be happy in front of the principal. Then Matt (who's one of the dancers) was suspicious of Emma/Eddie.

After school; Axel went back to the hidden place where he still has Caroline as hostage.

"Hello, Caroline!" Axel greeted "Are you ready to talk?"

"You won't get away with this!" Caroline said "Great, I said the most clichéd hostage line ever made. Anyway, my grandmother must already noticed I'm gone and called the police!"

"Don't worry about your granny, my brother took care of it" Axel said.

**Flashback**

We see Caroline's grandma having a cup of tea with...Dylan wearing a blonde wig, make-up and Caroline's clothes.

"How's the play going, dear?" Caroline's grandma asked.

"***high-pitched voice*** Very good, Grandma!" Dylan answered.

"Would you like some cookies with your tea?" Caroline's grandma asked.

"Sure!" Dylan answered as she went for them "***normal voice*** God, how can Eddie breathe while wearing a bra?"

**Flashback's end**

"Are you gonna spit it out or not?!" Axel asked.

"GO TO HELL!" Caroline answered.

"Okay, looks like you leave me no choice" Axel said, snapping his fingers to summon Peter "That's the girl who insults men, Pete"

Peter punched Caroline in the face.

"OW!" Caroline screamed of pain "WHAT THE HELL?!"

"My friend Peter will continue kicking your ass until you speak" Axel said.

"You misogyny bastard!" Caroline insulted.

"HIT HER, PETE!" Axel ordered

"TAKE THAT! AND THAT!" Peter said, punching her and kicking her "YEAH! MEN RULE, BITCH!"

He then turned to Axel.

"We should really hang out more often. You are fun to be around!" Peter smiled.

"Glad you think so, but could you focus?" Axel gestured to Caroline.

"ALL RIGHT, I CONFESS!" Caroline confessed, not wanting to take anymore hits, "Yes...I hired the terrorist..."

"I can't hear you!" Axel said.

"I WAS THE ONE WHO HIRED THE TERRORIST!" Caroline said.

"What is SP planning to do?" Axel asked.

"I don't know" Caroline answered.

"Pete" Axel said as Peter was ready to punch her one more time.

"NO! REALLY! I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE SP IS!" Caroline said "I found the terrorist in Craigslist, using an anonymous username, and I hired him to terrorize the school!"

"All this crap to get revenge on Eddie?" Axel asked.

"Yes..." Caroline answered "I wasn't thinking of the consequences, just my revenge against the guy who made my childhood a living hell"

"You do realize that you're almost responsible for the death of so many innocent people?" Axel asked "You know what? For all I care, you're worse than Beltraine!"

"If you're gonna kill me, do it!" Caroline said "I thought I was doing the right thing when in reality I'm crazy! Crazier than Kubrick! After all, he drove Shelly Duvall crazy while he was filming _the Shining_!"

"Actually, I don't know if that was proven." Peter frowned, "In fact, Shelly said that the film taught her to be a better actor."

"I was planning to kill you, but you look too cute to be a corpse" Axel said "This is what you're gonna do: you're gonna confess your crimes and plead to be sent to a maximum security mental asylum!"

"Yes...looks like this is the place where I belong" Caroline said.

"Hey, it could be worse: you could live in _Gravity Falls_" Peter said.

**Cutaway**

We see the twins Dipper and Mabel investigating a murder in a lake.

"The killer must enjoy killing anybody who has sex in the lake" Dipper said.

"GOT IT! Let's make Wendy and Robbie do it here!" Mabel said.

"OH, HELL NO!" Dipper said "Besides: they broke up, remember?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot" Mabel said.

"Maybe if we can make Gompers and Waddles..." Dipper said.

"DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT!" Mabel warned "I'LL KILL YOU FIRST IF YOU DO THAT!"

**Cutaway's end**

It was already night and everybody already left home, except Emma/Eddie and the pianist. She/he kept practicing her/his moves until the pianist stop playing.

"What did you stop?" Emma/Eddie asked.

"I have a life...you'll do fine" the pianist answered, leaving the building.

"Okay...looks like I'm ready" Emma/Eddie said as Miriam appeared once again in the mirror as her/his reflection.

"Sure you are" Miriam said "Our plan is executing very well"

"Would you leave me a-?!" Emma/Eddie asked "Wait, did you say 'plan'?

"I felt the presence of a guy who uses my magic...do you know this guy?" Miriam asked.

"Look, I'm sick of you driving me crazy!" Emma/Eddie said as suddenly she/he was paralyzed "ARGH!"

"I know you love wearing women's clothing...but you never wished to be a woman?" Miriam asked.

Emma/Eddie's chest started to grow real breasts, her/his waist got thinner and her/his hips and butt got bigger.

"What the f*ck are doing to me?!" Emma/Eddie asked, horrified.

"Don't worry, dear, everything is in your head" Miriam answered with an evil smile.

Then she/he felt her/his tights getting wet.

"Why am I wetting my tights?" Emma/Eddie asked as she/he checked on herself/himself and she/he got even more horrified for what she/he saw "No...that's...BLOOD!"

"Good, you were getting a little...late!" Miriam said as she evilly laughed.

Emma/Eddie left the building as fast as she/he can. But as when she/he was crossing the streets, Miriam continued tormenting her/him as she appeared as reflection in several glass objects: mirrors, windows, empty beer bottles, etc.

"**_YOU CANNOT ESCAPE FROM ME! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_**" Miriam evilly laughed.

"**_NOOOOOOOOOOOO!_**" Emma/Eddie screamed as everything around was breaking up into pieces like crystal and she/he fell into the dark emptiness.

...

The night play has arrived, all the parents were coming one by one. Backstage, the cast was getting ready, but...Emma/Eddie was missing.

"Where the hell is Emma?!" Meg asked, wearing a black feathered ballet dress. She's also wearing white foundation on her face with both black lipstick and eyelash.

"Yeah, she'd probably won't appear" Amy said, wearing a bathrobe "Mom and Daddy told me she went 'Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs' and she stayed at home. But don't worry..." Amy took off her robe revealing a poorly made white feathered ballet dress as feathers were obviously sticked with glue "I'LL BE THE WHITE CHICKEN!"

Everybody face palmed for Amy's awful costume

"Well, sorry, Lori didn't have time to do it, so I made it myself!" Amy said.

"This is a disaster!" Meg said, in vain.

But then, out of nowhere, Emma/Eddie appeared, wearing a MUCH BETTER white feathered ballet dress. Just like Meg, she/he was wearing white foundation. But her/his eyes were glowing red...

"Sorry, I'm late" Emma/Eddie said.

"Sis', what are you doing here?!" Amy asked "Mom and Daddy specifically told you...!"

"The show must go on!" Emma/Eddie said "Let's go!"

Everybody obeyed, but Matt was staying alert in case something bad happen.

Meanwhile, in the crowd; Peter and Lois were taking seats as they met Frank and Helena.

"Guys, have you seen Eddie?" Frank asked.

"No, but we're excited to see him with our daughter, wearing those beautiful outfits" Lois answered.

"Edward shouldn't be here, he doesn't feel very well" Helena said.

"Oh, please, if it wasn't for his weird fetish, we wouldn't have hot Blonde Meg back" Peter said.

"No, he..."

But the play already started out with all the dancers performed as the music from _Swan Lake_ is played. As the play progressed, it reached the climax of the play when Meg and Emma/Eddie do a duel dance. They both danced and performed, face-to-face, like two fierce rivals. The entire crowd seemed enjoying it, but Axel noticed Emma/Eddie's eyes glowing, despite nobody else was noticing it. Feeling intrigued, Axel stood up.

"Axel, where are you going?" Tracy asked.

"I'll be back" Axel answered.

**Cutaway**

The same live-action nerdy guy from 'Tale of a Gladiator Angel' was outraged.

"YOU STOLE IT FROM _THE TERMINATOR_! YOU PLAGIARIST!" the nerdy guy said.

_Honey! Are you masturbating to the human versions of these colorful ponies again?!_

"NO, MOM!" the nerdy guy answered as he took a look at his fanart of Twilight Sparkle and Sunset Shimmer kissing "Maybe later..."

**Cutaway's end**

All the dancers were performing the final act and everything looked normal...until Emma/Eddie grabbed Matt.

"Ugh, what the hell?!" Matt asked.

"I am Miriam, the oldest of the sisters!" Emma/Eddie exclaimed as her/his voice was mixed with Miriam's "Once I gain this boy's magic powers, all of you will kneel before me!"

"Bro', this isn't part of the play" Amy whispered.

"Yeah, you're ruining my moment to shine!" Meg said as Axel appeared behind her, taking off the blonde wig.

"Don't you see your boyfriend is possessed by a witch?!" Axel asked "So, stop being a stupid bitch!"

"A witch?" Lois asked.

"What is this? _Wicked_?" Peter asked.

"Now, I'll posses this body to recover my powers!" Miriam exclaimed, grabbing Matt's head.

"Well, you possess THESE!" Matt said, kicking Emma/Eddie's balls.

"OW!" Miriam screamed of pain.

"Give her your best shot, Ax!" Matt said, pushing her towards Axel.

"You don't have to ask!" Axel said as he punched her too and Meg caught her.

"Leave my boyfriend alone, BITCH!" Meg said, kicking her in the face and finally Miriam was kicked out of Emma/Eddie's body.

Miriam (at least her spirit) was redhead, she wore a red ribbon on her head and a red Victorian age red dress.

"Surrender, Miriam!" Matt said.

"Or what you're gonna do?!" Miriam asked "There's no spell to vanquish spirits. I ripped out that page, before we die!"

"Damn it!" Matt cursed.

"Seriously? That has to be the weakest reason to be unable to stop a bad guy." Axel growled.

"I'll be back with my sisters and together, we'll be unstoppable!" Miriam said as she disappeared.

"Eddie, are you all right?!" Meg asked.

"Ugh...my head hurts as sh*t" Eddie said as his wig was falling off.

"Uh, guys" Axel said, pointing at the crowd, who were sitting in silence.

"Don't worry, guys, I'm sure they think this is part of the play" Matt said "They're gonna cheer in 3...2...1..."

But the entire crowd (except our heroes' parents) started booing, throwing garbage and they finally left the building.

"This sucked!" a father said.

"I want the divorce" a mother said.

After several days, Eddie got better and everything seemed back to normal. Everyone was in the mall, eating in the food court.

"I guess this experience taught us something" Eddie said.

"Yeah, I learned that I shouldn't be jealous of my boyfriend" Meg said.

"And I learned not to take part of something that can drive me nuts" Eddie said "Also, J won't dress up as Emma ever again"

"Aw...that makes me sad..." Amy said.

"So, does that mean the Straight Crossdressers Club is over?" Jet asked.

"I guess" Eddie said.

"But, can I keep crossdressing?" Bobby asked.

"Let me guess: do you love wearing panties?" Eddie asked "Skirts? Make-up? Or all above?"

"Actually..." Bobby said.

**Flashback**

Bobby and Roberta were in Victoria Secret, sharing a dressing room. Roberta was wearing a leopard-print bra and a thong.

"How do I look, Beverly?" Roberta asked.

"***high-pitched voice*** Damn, you look hot, babe!" Bobby/Beverly answered

"Thank you...wait, what's this bulge in your skirt?" Roberta asked.

"Oh, It's a...dildo!" Bobby/Beverly answered "*mentally* God, I'm a stupid!"

"Wow, you're a naughty girl!" Roberta commented with a sexy grin "Would you like to come over my house and use it?"

"Oh, look at the clock, I gotta go!" Bobby/Beverly said as he/she left the dressing room.

**Flashback's end**

**End of the Chapter**


	43. The Social Smartass

**Chapter 43: The Social Smartass**

**3 years ago...**

We see a younger Matt with a girl, eating on Applebee's.

"I'm telling you, Mara, there's a pattern where they repeat the same answers on SATs" Matt said "Once you know the pattern, getting the perfect score in order to enter a good college will be piece of cake"

Then the waiter appeared with a plate of chocolate cake and put it on the table.

"What?" Mara asked.

"Aren't you interested on going to a great college?" Matt asked "It will help you on getting a professional career"

"Matt, we're too young of thinking on college" Mara said "We're not even in high school yet"

"Nobody is too young to think on college" Matt said "What you're gonna do? Be like Mark Zuckerberg and ditch college to create Facebook?"

"Well, he made the biggest social network in the world" Mara said.

"But imagine if he finished college, if he was kinder to women and if he wasn't such a jerk to his partner Eduardo Saverin, God knows what he could be capable of" Matt said.

"I gotta go home, tomorrow I have history test" Mara said, having enough of Matt.

"Good, you finally realized how important is school" Matt praised.

"You'll do great things, Matt and girls won't hate you, because you're a nerd" Mara said.

"Oh, good" Matt said.

"They'll hate you, because you're an a-hole" Mara said as she left...then she came back "And a bored"

Matt was speechless.

"Wow...she hurt my feelings" Matt said with a sad tone as he got angry "Well, I'm gonna prove her the opposite. I'm gonna be a great person and she'll regret of leaving me!"

"You're just gonna criticized her on Facebook, right?" the waiter asked.

"No, that would be cyber-bullying and I'm not that low" Matt answered.

**3 years later...**

There was a trial in the court of Quahog. The trial was about...Matt Kennedy (whose face wasn't showing yet).

"There's a lot of questions you have to answer, Mr. Kennedy" a prosecutor said "Like...what the hell happened to your eye?"

"My girlfriend's father beat me up" Matt said, revealing a black eye "It wasn't so bad weeks ago"

"And why did you girlfriend's father beat you up like a bum on the streets?" the prosecutor asked.

"See my girlfriend over there?" Matt asked, pointing at Katie...who has a slightly bigger belly.

"That's right, y'all" Katie said, rubbing her belly "I'm pregnant"

"I see...what was this trial again?" the prosecutor asked.

"About a certain social network created by Mr. Kennedy" the judge said.

"Oh yeah...! What social network?" the prosecutor asked.

"'A social network that can help pregnant teen girls" Matt answered "It became a big hit, even bigger than PinkieBlonde16's videos"

**Flashback**

PinkieBlonde16 is actually Amy uploading videos called 'My Big Brothers' Reactions'.

"HI! HI! THIS IS PINKIEBLONDE16!" Amy greeted to the camera "Today's episode of 'My Big Brothers' Reactions' is: 'His Reaction to the _Terminator: Genisys_ trailer!'"

The camera focused on Eddie watching the trailer of _Terminator: Genisys_. He was jumping on his bed with cheer.

"YES!" Eddie cheered "THIS IS GONNA BE AWESOME!" he stopped jumping "Though the subtitle was kinda lame"

The camera focused on Amy again.

"BTW: he has a big crush on Emilia Clarke, the new Sarah Connor!" Amy said "Just don't tell anything to his girlfriend Meg!"

**Flashback's end**

"Still doesn't explain his situation!" The prosecutor said.

"I was trying to help people!" Matt said.

"Silence!" the prosecutor ordered "You have the right to remain silence!"

"Order! Order in the court" the judge ordered "Mr. Kennedy, maybe it would be easy for all of us, and for the readers too, if you tell us everything from the beginning"

"Okay, so please pay attention everyone, because this is gonna be a little long" Matt said "This started weeks ago, when Mr. Rose forced me to work in Rose Farms to prove myself I can be a great provider for his daughter..."

**Weeks ago...**

Katie was with Matt in his room as she was healing Matt's grotesque black eye...as well others injuries.

"Ow!" Matt screamed of pain.

"Stop whining!" Katie said "You're acting like a pony after having an accident on a horse race,

"Maybe that's exactly what I'm feeling" Matt said

**Flashback**

_Shaving sheeps..._

Matt was shaving a sheep, who's enjoying it.

"Oh yeah, I like this!" the sheep this "Do you like this, bitch?"

_Feeding the chickens..._

Matt was getting pecked by many chickens.

_...and cleaning off horses' crap._

Matt was cleaning off the horses' crap until he was kicked out by Chocolate.

**Flashback's end**

"Your dad is torturing me" Matt said "I think he hates me now..."

"Geez, I told him so many times that it wasn't your fault!" Katie said.

"At least my dad and sister took it very well...heck, even Sophie is excited to have a niece" Matt said.

"It could be a boy too" Katie commented.

"She's gonna play dress up anyway" Matt replied as he sighed "I don't know how much I have to take such punishment"

"Hey, the Matt I know doesn't complain that much!" Katie said "If being a farmer isn't your thing, use your other talents!"

"Hey...you're right!" Matt said "I do have other talents!" he quickly went into his computer "Or should I say 'cyber-talents'!"

"Huh, I was talkin' about..." Katie said.

"Mark Zuckerberg made millions by creating Facebook" Matt said.

"Matt..." Katie said.

"I can create a social network, not as big as Facebook, but popular enough to make money for you and our baby!" Matt said.

"Matt, would you listen to me?!" Katie asked "Help this pregnant teen, right in front of you"

"' , perfect!" Matt said as he approached Katie to kiss her "I love you"

"Tarnation..." Katie cursed.

And I started making a social network that caught the attention of many pregnant teens...

Two pregnant girls were checking out the site.

"Look, I finally found a site where I can share my thoughts with other girls like me!" pregnant girl #1 said.

"Sign in!" pregnant girl #2 said.

_People with __maiesiophilia, better known as__ pregnancy fetish..._

A teenage boy was looking at the site too.

"Oh my god, this is better than porn!" the teenage boy said.

_And...lonely people trapped in the friend-zone._

We see a lonely bald guy with glasses.

"'If I were the father, I would take care of you and your baby'" the lonely guy typed "...'Thank you. I'm glad to have you as my gay friend'. DAMN IT!"

_Everything was going right...until I got sue._

**Present**

"By who?" the prosecutor asked.

_By me!_

Everybody turned to the owner's voice: it was Mark Zuckerberg.

"Wow, Jesse Eisenberg!" the prosecutor said, excited "Can I have your autograph? You were awesome in _Zombieland_!

"What?! NO! Mark answered, whose voice sounds exactly like Matt's "I'm Mark Zuckerberg, the creator of Facebook!"

"What happened to the Armie Hammer twins?" the prosecutor asked.

"They're the Twinklevoss and they're in England for a rowing competition" Mark answered.

Meanwhile (yes, it's a subplot, not a flashback), in England; there was a rowing competition where the Twinklevoss twins are competing against...Peter and Lois.

"Look, brother, we're competing against a redhead woman and her morbidly obese husband" Cameron said.

"We're gonna win for sure" Tyler said "Not like the time at 2008 Olympics in Beijing"

"Hey, I told you: Ted Nash sucks as a coach" Cameron said.

Lois was impatiently waiting for Peter until he finally showed up.

"Where have you been, the competition is about to start!" Lois scolded.

"Sorry, Lois, I was visiting Benedict Cumberbatch's house" Peter said.

**Flashback**

Peter knocked the door as Benedict Cumberbatch answered it.

"Yes?" Benedict Cumberbatch asked as Peter delivered him a punch in the face, knocking him out.

"THAT'S FOR RUINING KAHN IN _STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS_!" Peter said.

**Flashback's end**

"We're gonna be late, change your clothes quick!" Lois said as she pushed him to their tent.

"Nagging bitch..." Peter whispered.

"I HEARD THAT!" Lois said, off-screen.

We see the rest of the Griffins among the crowd. Chris was watching videos on his smartphone.

**Video**

It was Amy and her Youtube channel again.

"HI! HI! THIS IS PINKIEBLONDE16!" Amy greeted to the camera "Today's episode of 'My Big Brothers' Reactions' is: 'His Reaction to the _Jurassic World_ trailer!'"

Eddie was crying after watching the trailer.

"It's beautiful...sniff...simply beautiful..." Eddie said, wiping off his eyes.

The camera focused back to Amy.

"And it's the fourth Jurassic Park movie!" Amy said "Just I hope it doesn't end up like _the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull_!"

"Damn it, Amy!" Eddie cursed "You ruined my hype!"

**Video's end**

"HAHAHA! Amy's videos are funny!" Chris commented.

"Wow, Mom's competitive side is harsher than usual" Meg said.

"Harsher than your genitals during your period?" Chris asked as he laughed.

"You know, Christopher?" Meg asked "I'd wish we could get along like nice siblings. You know: like Eddie and Amy, like Axel and Dylan, despite not being blood related,, even Hayley and Steve were getting along when we were training them for the Murder Games"

"Sis', being nice to you is not my thing" Chris said "I like annoying you"

"Bullcrap!" Meg said "You're just afraid that our reviewers say things like 'oh, Chris is way too out of character' and act like a dick to me like in our current show, which MOST of our fans hate it!"

"Sorry, did you say something?" Chris asked "I was too busy not paying attention to you"

"ARGH!" Meg angrily groaned "I'm going to the food stand for fish and chips"

Meg stormed off as Chris looked at her far away and took out a photo of them, when they were little kids.

"What happened to us?" Chris sighed.

"Go after her and tell her what you really feel" Brian said.

"But, what if she makes of me? Or even worse, I get criticized by our reviewers?" Chris asked.

"You think that's bad?" Brian asked "I lost most of my fans in the current show. I don't blame them, they turned me into a complete prick! They even made me a bad father to Dylan!"

"Also, they made you giving us herpes" Stewie said.

"Actually, that's something I'd actually do" Brian said.

"WHAT?!" Stewie asked, outraged.

"HAHAHAHAHA! Sorry, I was kidding" Brian said.

"NOT-FUNNY!" Stewie shouted.

"I guess you're right" Chris said as he stood up and went to see her.

"Are you really a sadist bastard?" Stewie asked.

"What do you expect? I've always been stuck on you in so many adventures" Brian said.

"You're not still mad of me when we brought Tracy with us?" Stewie said.

**Flashback**

Stewie, Brian and Tracy were on Middle-Earth as they were looking at the Black Gate of Mordor.

"How are we gonna get inside?" Tracy asked.

"Here, use this ring that turn you invinsible" Stewie said, giving her the One Ring.

"Cool!" Tracy praised as she put it on.

"TRACY, NO!" Brian screamed "You idiot! You know what happen when you put on the ring?!"

"Come on, I'm sure the Nazgûls won't do anything to her" Stewie said.

But the Nazgûls were interested on her.

"Oh yeah, we're SO gonna bang her!" a Nazgûl said.

**Flashback's end**

Back in the Quahog's court; Matt's trial continued.

"Let me get this straight: Matt Zuckerberg is suing this guy for plagiarizing Facebook?" the prosecutor asked.

"Not exactly" Mark answered "You see..."

**Past**

Matt and Katie were eating in a Japanese restaurant where Katie was eating 5 bowls of noodles, 10 bowls of white rice and 20 orders of sushi while Matt just ordered a glass of water. He was reading the comments of his site on his laptop.

"This is bad, Katie" Matt said "My site helped a lot of pregnant teenage girls, but I'm getting hate comments from teenage guys"

"It couldn't be that bad" Katie said.

"They say my site is making men look like selfish and despicable bastards" Matt said "Even to the guys who are ACTUALLY NICE are getting confused by GAY guys, because, according to one of the comments, 'there's no way a STRAIGHT GUY could treat a pregnant girl nicely'."

"What a load of bull" Katie commented as she slurped a whole bowl of squid soup.

"What am I gonna do?" Matt asked.

Then Mark Zuckerberg appeared in front of them.

"Sorry, I couldn't help, but hearing your conversation" Mark said.

"Oh my god, you're Mark Zuckerberg!" Matt said "The creator of Facebook!"

"That's correct" Mark replied "I checked out your site and I'm quiet impressed. I always looking for guys with cyber-skills"

"Zuckerberg is talking in front of us and I still can't believe it..." Matt said, astonished.

"Then start believing it, 'cause you're gonna see me for a while" Mark said "Anyway, how many hits your site has gotten?"

"Over a million hits" Matt answered.

"That's nothing, you know what's cool?" Mark asked as they both responded with shook their head as a 'no' "A BILLION hits"

_And so we spent the next hour talking about the future of his site, even renaming it to HTPT, 'cause it's more 'marketable'. I helped him on making it popular and I even gave his own office. We made a lot of money, enough to feed his pregnant girlfriend. We were business partners._

Several internet-topic magazines were published like: 'MARK HELPS MATT', 'FACEBOOK FOUNDER DEFENDS TEEN PREGNANT AGAINST TERRIBLE FATHERS' and 'PREGNANT COWGIRL WINS QUAHOG'S 17th ANNUAL SPAGHETTI EATING CONTEST'.

**Present**

"I can't believe I won that contest" Katie said "Even I beat that pink little guy"

**Cutaway**

"HIEEEE!" Kirby greeted with an adorable smile.

**(A/E: AWWWW! Isn't he adorable?)**

Then King DeeDeeDee appeared, ready to smash him with his hammer. But then Kirby inhaled the hammer to absorb its powers. Then he proceeded to beat the crap out of him.

**(A/E: HOLY SH*T! HE'S PSYCHOTIC!)**

**Cutaway's end**

Back in England; Meg finished buying the fish and chips as Chris showed up.

"Hey, Meg" Chris said.

"What do you want?" Meg asked "Are you gonna keep making fun of me?"

"No, it's not that" Chris said "I wanted to say...I'm sorry for being a dick to you"

"Yeah, sure" Meg said, not buying it.

"No, really!" Chris said "Listen: I know I make fun at you, so I don't look myself weak. But honestly: you're not that ugly, you're are, what Eddie said: kind, smart and have a great personality. I've been a bad little brother and I'd like to change that"

"Chris, that was so sweet, I'm serious" Meg said "But honestly: I'm so used on being the joke of my family, that it's hard to trust at any of you"

"Come on, Meg" Chris said "***singing*** _Do you want to build a snowman?_"

"Please, don't use songs from _Frozen_" Meg told "Once I hear one, I sing all of them"

***Announcer*** _Competitors, get ready! The race is about to begin!_

"What do you say, sis?" Chris asked.

"Let's cheer our folks, little brother" Meg answered.

"Yeah!" Chris cheered.

"I hope I don't end up like my other sister Pesephone" Meg said.

**Cutaway**

We see Persephone in jail.

"Hi...I'm Persephone..." Persephone greeted with a very emotionless tone "And I'm here, because I tried to kill Meg when we were little girls. But it was just a big misunderstanding, we were just playing _Friday the 13th_. I wanted to prove my innocence, but I'm to lazy to do that..."

**(A/E: Persephone was created by Hattafan2593 (from DeviantART))**

**Cutaway's end**

Back to the court...

"All right, we learned Matt Kennedy got his girlfriend pregnant, he created a social network that helps other pregnant teens and he made a deal with Mark Zuckerberg to protect his image" the prosecutor said "Am I right?"

"Yes" Matt answered.

"All right, time to lunch!" the prosecutor said.

"Objection!" Mark said "He haven't said the real reason of why I'm suing him!"

"What is it?" the prosecutor asked.

"I betrayed him" Matt said, making everyone to gasp "We made so much money that I became a little greedy and a little dickish..."

**Past**

We see Mark destroying Matt's laptop.

"What the hell man?!" Matt asked.

"YOU TOOK MY NAME OUT OF THE BOARD MEETING?!" Mark asked.

"We don't need another genius in the board" Matt answered.

"AFTER EVERYTHING I'VE DONE FOR YOU?!" Mark asked.

"And I'm very grateful, but HTPT was MY idea and ever since we became business partners, you've been taking all the credit" Matt answered.

"YOU HAVE ANY IDEA OF WHO I AM?!" Mark said.

"Yes, you're Mark freaking Zuckerberg, everybody in this world knows who you are!" Matt said "And you know what? I'm sick of your arrogance and your...'bragness'"

"Is that even a word?!" Mark asked.

"I don't know!" Matt answered.

"Well, I know one know: you made a terrible mistake" Mark said "I'm not just gonna take your site, but I'm gonna take EVERYTHING you have! Even your balls..."

"Oh, boy..." Matt said, covering his crotch.

"You know what's the only thing I like about you?" Mark asked "You make me look like a badass"

Mark left the office with a sinister smile.

**Present**

"And that's why he sued me in the first place" Matt said.

"Wow...what a dick move" Eddie commented.

"I do it for the right reasons, even Katie agrees with me! Right, Ka-?" Matt asked as he realized Katie was gone.

"See, even his girlfriend thinks he's evil!" Mark said 'I close my case"

"God, this is worse than a being mistaken by a pedophile" Matt said.

**Cutaway**

A couple were in the park.

"I like kids" the girl said.

"Yeah, me too!" the guy replied.

Then the girl took out a gun and a police plaque.

"FREEZE!" the female cop ordered "You're under arrest!"

Then more cops came out to arrest the guy.

"Wait, this is a mistake!" The guy said.

"Yeah, right, no normal straight man would want kids!" the female cop said "He has to be a pedophile to like them!"

"Oh, come on!" the guy complained.

_This message was brought you by:_

_Chorus:_

_**MEN!**_

_**We-Don't-Want-Kids-At-all!**_

**Cutaway's end**

Back in England; the rowing race has just begun as Meg and Chris were cheering up their parents. Peter and Lois were on par with the Twinklevoss.

"This amateur couple is reaching us!" Cameron said "Tyler, give me your skittles"

"Aw, I was gonna eat them after the race!" Tyler whined.

"Just do it!" Cameron ordered as Tyler gave him the bag skittles and he threw them to the Griffins' boat.

"Cool, skittles!" Peter said, eating them.

"Peter, would you focus on the race?!" Lois asked, outraged.

"See you later, crocodiles!" Cameron said.

"Actually it's 'see you later, alligator'" Tyler corrected.

"Shut up" Cameron said.

"Grrr! Because of you, we're gonna lose!" Lois scolded him.

"Nag, nag, nag, NAG!" Peter mocked "If this race is all what you care, finish it yourself! Screw this race, I'm going home!"

Peter took a step out of the boat, but it lost balance and flipping the boat. They both ended on the water, under the boat, not seeing anything.

"Great, now I can't see anything!" Lois said.

"Don't worry, Lois" Peter said "I'm sure those British lifesavers will come for us anytime"

But we see the lifesavers in a line to the toilet, one of them threw fish and chips.

"Thank god, my tartar sauce wasn't polluted" Meg said.

"Meg, look!" Chris said.

They realized their boat was going to a sewers tunnel.

"Oh no, they're going the sewers!" Meg said.

"Does that mean they're gonna meet the Teenage Mutant Ninja-?" Chris asked.

"There's no time for your nonsense, we gotta save them!" Meg said.

The Griffin siblings went to the rescue. They went over the tunnel's entrance.

"All right, Chris, hang me on as I reach to boat!" Meg ordered.

Chris obeyed as he hung on Meg to reach the boat and lift it.

"Mom! Dad!" Meg called.

"Meg!" Lois said "What's going on?!"

"Take my hand before you guys end up in the sewers!" Meg said.

"What?" Lois asked, looking behind her daughter "OH NO!"

"Just take my hand, we'll rise you up!" Meg said.

"Take your hand...or end up in the sewers...take your hand...or end up in the sewers" Peter said, not deciding it.

"JUST DO IT, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!" Lois demanded.

The Peter and Lois took Meg's hand and they rise to the surface.

"Oh my god...Meg...you...saved us" Lois said, hardly breathing.

"Chris and me did it" Meg corrected "Right, little brother?"

"Yeah, sis'!" Chris replied

"Wow...I don't believe it...my own children saved my life" Peter said "Wow, I'm kinda feel bad for the moments that I was a terrible father"

"Look, you're not perfect, in fact: you're just the worst" Meg said "But, that doesn't mean we'll let you die like this"

"You wanna know how I wanted to die?" Chris asked.

**Chris's Fantasy**

We see Chris surrounded by all his favorite food: pizzas, fried chicken, french fries, Oreo cookies, donuts, ice cream, etc. Then Amy appeared in her pink underwear.

"After you finish to eat, I'll let you more than touching my boobs" Amy said, with a seductive tone.

**Chris's Fantasy end**

"No, wait, that's my personal heaven" Chris said.

"Really?" Meg asked, unimpressed.

"Hey, it's better than yours!" Chris said.

**Meg's Fantasy**

We see Meg getting massage by hundreds of shirtless Eddies.

"YOU'RE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL OF THE UNIVERSE" all the Eddies with a seductive tone.

**Meg's Fantasy end**

Back to the court...

"Mr. Kennedy, is there anything you want to say at your defense?" the prosecutor asked.

"No..." Matt sighed "At first I did this to earn money for Katie and the baby. But then I realized I was getting money without doing anything and that doesn't make me anything better from Zuckerberg. I guess I deserved to be sued"

"All right, Matt Kennedy, I sentence you to..."

_HOLD ON!_

Katie appeared, riding on Chocolate.

"This man is a faker!" Katie said.

"Wait, can they have horses on the court?" the prosecutor said.

Then Pinkie Pie appeared from the jury.

"That's discrimination, sir!" Pinkie Pie said.

"I've been suspecting this man when I first saw him" Katie said "Luckily, Chocolate can detect a fraud thanks to her nose"

"Great, now horses are dogs" Brian complained.

"Chocolate, eat his hair!" Katie ordered as Chocolate started eating Mark's hair.

"Hey, get off me you stupid animal!" Mark said as his hair was stripped off and it was actually a wig.

"Hey, you're not Matt Zuckerberg!" Matt said "Who are you really?"

"You really want to know? I'm Lex Luthor, the most evil genius on Earth!" Lex said with a superiority tone...which sounds weird coming from a socially awkward voice.

Everybody at court laughed at him.

"What's so funny?" Lex asked.

"I'm sorry, but Lex Luthor is suppose to look taller and intimidating" Eddie said "You...I'm sorry, I'm so skeptical"

"Well, I needed a good alibi while I'm planning to make Batman and Superman fighting each other" Lex said "But, screw it, I'll go back to Rio" he stripped off his clothes, revealing a blue bird costume, then a mask that looks like Blu from _Rio_ and he flew away. And by flew away, I mean he just waved his arms and walked out of the court.

"You're not gonna stop him?!" Matt asked.

"He's Lex Luthor, the evilest mastermind" the judge answered.

Later in Matt's office; Matt got bored and watched one of Amy's video.

**Video**

"HI! HI! THIS IS PINKIEBLONDE16!" Amy greeted to the camera "Today's episode of 'My Big Brothers' Reactions' is: 'His Reaction to the _Star Wars: Episode VII_ trailer!'"

The camera shows Eddie...in coma.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA! I didn't expect that!" Amy said "All right, bro, you can stop faking it" then she realized Eddie didn't wake up "Bro?" she approached him to see if he's okay "OH, NO! PLEASE, WAKE UP! MOM! DADDY! CALL AN AMBULANCE!"

**Video's end**

"Is your fella gonna be all right?" Katie asked.

"Of course, I had the same reaction too and I'm perfectly fine" Matt answered.

"I'm going to the cafeteria, want something?" Matt asked.

"I'll catch you later, babe" Matt answered as he sighed "Katie, am I an a-hole? I mean, I did this because I was jealous at some super genius or I did this for us?"

"You're not a jerk, Matt" Katie said "...just a little bored"

Katie left the office as Matt check out the site and surprisingly he found a photo of Mara with a baby boy with her. He clicked on 'Friend Her' and refresh it every ten seconds. As this happens, we see some epilogue notes:

**Matt Kennedy has become one of the most successful young entrepreneurs of Quahog. His site has a profit of $50 millions of dollars.**

**Amy has to postponed her videos due her brother's coma. She came back after two weeks.**

**The Griffins went last place on the rowing race of England. But, that's okay, Lois realized her mistake of being too competitive. The Twinklevoss twins got 1st place, but they got arrested when they discovered they've been polluting the fish and chips that caused diarreah to the competitors.**

**If you ever visit England, DO NOT eat fish and chips with polluted tartar sauce.**

**End of the chapter**


	44. Four Sisters

**Chapter 44: Four Sisters**

In the strip club where Jaina works; we see Jessica working in the bar and taking with Jaina.

"It's good to see you again, Jess" Jaina said.

"Thanks" Jessica said "I loved Florida, but Cindy and her mother Katherine had to come back sooner or late. How's your life going?"

"Well, where the hell do I begin?" Jaina asked "First off: my brother Matthew was killed by a bum with a gun for protecting that Connie bitch. But then months later, he came back as a Guardian Angel!"

"Uh-huh..." Jessica said, unimpressed.

"You don't seem surprised" Jaina said.

"Bitch, my girlfriend is a super genius, and we met two versions of me and Cindy from another Universe" Jessica said "An angel doesn't seem a big deal at this point"

"Tell that to my parents" Jaina said.

**Flashback**

We see the Matthew's adoptive fathers being extremely happy to see Matthew...and asking him a lot of questions.

"Did you meet Jesus?" Karen asked.

"How is God?" Richard asked.

"Did he punish that blonde bitch D'Amico?" Karen asked.

"Did he tell you the meaning of life?" Richard asked.

"Hold on, I'm gonna answer your questions slowly and not rushed" Matthew said "Yes, he used to be Fred Phelps, but now it's Megan Fox, no and we're not ready to know it"

**Flashback's end**

"Anyway, did you take care of Mom?" Jessica asked

"Well..." Jaina said.

***announcer*** _Ladies and gentlemen! Please give a nice welcome to Daniella "Amethyst" Logan!_

Jessica's mom came out. She looks like an older Jessica except with no glasses, no hat and a lot of make-up. She also has much bigger breasts (implants). She wears a red bra with purple jewels on it, and a purple miniskirt. She apparently looks drunk, but she can still do a sexy dance and impress a lot of men.

"Shake your ass, baby!" a man said.

"Oh no..." Jessica said, embarrassed.

"She needed a job desperately so..." Jaina said.

"And that's the best job you could get her?!" Jessica asked.

"Hey, she got kicked out on the bakery" Jaina answered.

**Flashback**

Daniella was offering cookies to a couple.

"Wow, these cookies are delicious!" the guy said.

"Thanks, and by the way: the oven was broken, so I baked them on...somewhere else" Daniella said as she blinked her eye twice.

Then the couple felt sick and they puked.

**Flashback's end**

Then we see a known face: Melanie Baxter from the 'Fighting with Dinosaurs' chapter. She was hearing the conversation while she was drinking a Scotch.

"Hmm...so that blonde Irish bitch is back?" Melanie asked with an evil smile "This is interesting..."

Next day, in the Griffins' house; Meg was peacefully sleeping until she was woke up by a duster which was used by Peter.

"AH! What the hell?!" Meg asked.

"Good morning, sweetie!" Peter greeted.

"Dad, what are you...?" Meg asked as she looked at her dad dressed as a maid "With this one I'm gonna need 10 sessions of therapy and a few days in a mental ward"

"You have no idea how grateful I am that you saved my life" Peter said "I don't know if it was the dirty water polluted by the diarrhea caused by the polluted fish and chips I drank..."

"And you're making 'Dipper Goes to Taco Bell' look harmless" Meg added.

"Or it was a sign that I should be a better father for now on" Peter said "After all, I already read the comments from our readers and they seem to hate me"

"Come on, they're not THAT bad" Meg said.

Peter grabbed the comments section of the site and we see several comments from reviewers (all of them made up by me, so I don't offend my reviewers):

**FamilyGuyFan1999: **

"I HOPE PETER GOES TO HELL!"

**MegIsAwesome64:**

"LEAVE MEG ALONE, YOU FAT EVIL BASTARD!"

**ILovePeter15:**

"YOU'RE DEAD TO ME!"

"Okay, they're pretty horrible" Meg said.

"Now, if you excuse me, I'm gonna clean off Chris's room" Peter said "Do you know it's full of..."

"I don't wanna hear it!" Meg warned, covering her ears "Listen, the Murdocks and ROB-B have another robot match in Quahog's ice skating stadium and I promised to be there"

"Did you say robots?" Peter asked "Like...KILLER robots?"

"Sorta" Meg answered.

Then Peter imagined Meg being a slaved by robots: Decepticons, Terminators, sentinels from both _the Matrix_ and _X-Men: Days of Future Past_.

"Absolutely NOT!" Peter said "I can't let my baby girl being surrounded by killer bots!"

"Dad, I'm not a baby anymore!" Meg said "I'm capable of take care of myself!"

"I'm gonna need a lot of plastic with bubbles" Peter said as he went for it.

"Dad, wait!" Meg said "Argh! He's becoming worse than Knuckles the Echidna!"

**Cutaway**

We see Knuckles polishing the Master Emerald.

"I'm gonna make you brighter than the sun" Knuckles said as started snuggling it "Who's Daddy favorite jewel? That's right, you're my Daddy's favorite jewel!"

Knuckles continued snuggling the Master Emerald as his friends were looking at him with disturbed faces.

"Dude, that's pretty f*cked up!" Sonic commented.

**Cutaway's end**

In Quahog's ice skating stadium; the Murdocks and Cindy were ready for the robot fight as the rest of our heroes were here to support them. Even ROB-B got a new look: he's now golden and black just like Iron Brawler's armor.

"We're gonna kick some robo ass!" Cody cheered.

"Ah-ah, a quarter for every swear" Nicole said as she's holding a jar full of quarters as Cody put a quarter in the jar "Good boy"

"I hope you like the new color, ROB-B" Cindy said.

"ABSOLUTELY!" ROB-B said "I'M GONNA IMPRESS A LOT OF LADIES! LIKE THIS ONE!"

He pointed at a soda machine that says 'CHERRY COLA' as Maddie was kicking it for a soda can.

"Give me my cherry cola, you stupid machine!" Maddie cursed.

"Who's our opponent, dude?" Cindy asked.

"Willy Wood, looks like he's back for a rematch" Zack said.

Willy Wood was preparing for the battle as he has a whole new robot: a robotic moth that looks like Mothra from the _Godzilla_ franchise.

"HAHAHAHAHA! Murdock has no chance against my Mothroid!" Willy said.

"Hey, Ms. Redmond..." Cody said.

"Come on, kiddo, Ms. Redmond is my mother, just Cindy" Cindy said.

"Didn't...Carla say anything about me?" Cody asked.

"Nope, she didn't" Cindy answered "In fact: where is she and Mom?"

Cindy's mother and sister finally appeared. Cindy's mother looks like Cindy, but older, she wears a buttoned blue shirt with the logo that looks like a fish, navy pants and black boots.

"Sorry, we're late, Carla had to stop to that gothic store to buy another weird bracelet" Cindy's mother said.

"It's called the 'Greyskull' and it looks pretty one me" Carla said as she shows off her bracelet.

"Totally..." Cody said with a dreaming tone.

"This is my chance!" Maddie said, shaking her can of cherry cola to spread it in Cody's face.

"Don't even think about it, missy!" Nicole warned, taking it out.

Then Meg finally appeared...covering with bubble plastic and a football helmet. Everybody looked at her confused, except Connie who's laughing so hard.

"Hey, George Lucas called, he needs another Stormtrooper!" Connie mocked.

"Connie, that joke could be more relevant 10 years ago, you know, when George Lucas was still directing the prequels" Eddie said as he turned to Meg "My god, Meg, who did this to you?"

"My father..." Meg answered "But it's not what you're thinking. Even since Chris and I saved his life and Mom's, he became an overprotective father!"

"Also, who's that girl over there?" Eddie asked, pointing at Persephone. She wears a black jacket, purple blouse, orange skirt and black boots.

"Hi...I'm Persephone" Persephone greeted with her monotone voice "Meg's twin sister"

"Twin sister?!" Eddie asked, surprised "Oh, you mean from another dimension?"

"No, I always existed, but I was in jail for 10 years because of some misunderstanding from our parents" Persephone said.

"Meg, why you never told me about it?!" Eddie asked.

"I did!" Meg answered.

**Flashback**

Eddie was waiting for Meg on the bed as she appeared wearing a sexy pink babydoll and matching panties.

"Are you ready for fun?" Meg asked.

"Always..." Eddie answered.

"By the way: I have a twin sister named Persephone" Meg said.

"Yeah, yeah, sure" Eddie replied, distracted by Meg's beauty.

**Flashback's end**

"Anyway, I wanna prove Dad that I'm not a 'psychotic killer', being Meg's bodyguard" Persephone said, hugging Meg's arm "I love my sister"

"Thank you" Meg thanked "Can you help me on thanking off this plastic bubble suit?"

"Come on, guys, the fight is about to start!" Cindy said.

ROB-B and Mothroid were in the arena, ready to fight.

"There's no way you can defeat my Mothroid, he's a flying robot, that means you can't use your ugly ass discs!" Willy said.

"Don't underestimate him, Wood" Zack warned "He has more skills than before! Right, ROB?"

"YES, SIR!" ROB-B answered.

***announcer*** _Are you ready? BEGIN!_

"Mothroid, show you what you got!" Willy ordered as Mothroid shot a yellow glue on ROB-B's "HAHA! Now, he can't move!"

"ROB-B, do your thing" Zack ordered.

ROB-B uses his jet boots to break the glue and he flew towards Mothroid.

"What the...?!" Willy asked.

ROB-B punched Mothroid in the head as he ended on the ground.

"Finish him!" Zack ordered as his voice sounded like the announcer from _Mortal Kombat._

ROB-B used his hand to get through Mothroid's body and disconnect its circuits.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Willy cried on kneels

***announcer*** _ROB-B is the winnner!_

The crowd cheered up as ROB-B got back with his family.

"Great job, buddy!" Zack praised.

"You're the best!" Cody said.

"In your face, bug face!" Nicole mocked at Willy.

"Looks like the upgrades I gave to you were pretty handy" Cindy commented.

"YES, THEY WERE! THANK YOU, MOTHER!" ROB-B thanked.

"You know, it's kinda weird a robot calling its creator 'Mom' or..." Carla said, looking at the other word.

"'Dad'?" Cindy asked.

"What's a 'Dad'?" Carla asked.

"You guys have to meet my family!" Meg said.

"Wait, are you sure?" Cindy asked.

"Don't you want to meet the man who gave up two of his sperms that give you birth?" Meg asked.

"Actually, Peter is Cindy's biological father" Katherine corrected "Carla's biological father died in a car accident before she was born"

"Oh...sorry, Carla" Meg apologized.

"It's okay, I can live without a male model" Carla said.

"Me too" Persephone said "And no, I don't count those butch lesbians I met in prison as male models"

**Flashback**

Persephone was with two tough women as she's getting a tattoo.

"All right, puny girl, which tattoo do you prefer?" butch lesbian #1 asked, showing two options: a cowboy skeleton riding a horse skeleton in flames and a deadly-looking cobra "Ghost Rider or Cobra Kai?"

"You don't have a Robert Englund one?" Persephone asked.

**Flashback's end**

In the Griffins' house; everybody was getting ready, especially Meg (wearing a red formal dress).

"All right, everybody" Meg said "This dinner has to be perfect. And by perfect, I mean not of your crazy antics Dad"

"Come on, Meg, what could possibly go wrong?" Peter said as he laid his arm on a pedestal with a vase, falling it off and breaking it into pieces "Oops, don't worry, I'll pick them up"

"NO!" Meg demanded "Just don't move! Stay right there without moving one muscle!"

"All night?" Peter asked.

"Yes! Don't even breath!" Meg answered.

**DING-DONG!**

"Oh my god, they're here!" Meg said excited.

She opened the door and she found the Redmond family and Jessica.

"Hey, Meg" Cindy greeted.

"Welcome everybody!" Meg greeted "Come on in and meet my family!"

"Hi...I'm Lois and I'm her mother" Lois greeted with some awkwardness "You must be Cindy's mother, Katherine"

"Please, just Kat" Kat said "This is a nice house by the way"

"Well, thank you...I guess" Lois thanked, a little confused.

"Nice to see you again, Jessica" Brian greeted "I'd wish Tracy and Dylan would come here to meet you. But Tracy has been feeling really sick recently and Dylan had to take care of her"

**Flashback**

Tracy was vomiting on the toilet as Dylan was waiting outside.

"You shouldn't eat that Indian food" Dylan said.

**Flashback's end**

"Don't sweat it, maybe in another day" Jessica said.

"Brian, tell Stewie dinner is ready" Lois said.

In Stewie's room, he was pointing his ray gun at something.

"Now, I'm gonna take revenge on the bully who stole my He-Man action figure!" Stewie said.

"Stewie, Dinner's ready" Brian said.

"Oh, good!" Stewie said, dropping his ray gun.

But the ray gun shot the laser and destroyed's part of Cleveland's house, where Donna was using the toilet. The toilet started sliding off.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, NO!" Donna screamed as she ended on the ground.

"Oh my god, are you okay, Donna?!" Cleveland asked, scared.

"I'm fine..." Donna answered.

"Phew, for one second I thought I'd have a second survivor's guilt" Cleveland sighed.

Back to the Griffins, everybody was chatting surprisingly very happy.

"Wow, so your daughter is a super genius?" Lois asked, impressed.

"Yeah and I'm proud of her" Kat said "I can't believe she can make high tech machines and I'm just a fisherwoman"

"Well, I can't believe I met my sister of MY Universe" Meg said "The other one was a bitch" the she realized what she said "Oh no! Sorry! I didn't mean to offend you!"

"Chill out, nobody's perfect" Cindy said "Sisters must be together"

"I couldn't be more agreed" Persephone said, putting her arm on Meg's shoulder and her other arm under her head back in a relaxing way.

Chris accidentally dropped his fork.

"Oh, darn it!" Chris cursed as he went down under the table to pick it up. But he found out Persephone has her legs wide open and since she was wearing a skirt, she exposed her white panties with strawberries-print in front of her brother "Whoa..."

"Enjoying the view?" Persephone asked.

Chris quickly reacted and tried to stand up. But he hit himself against the table.

"OW!" Chris shouted of pain.

"You have no idea how grateful I am to meet you Peter" Kat said "If it wasn't for you, I'd never have my daughter"

"Hey, we should spend together this weekend!" Meg said "The four sisters!"

"I'd love it!" Persephone cheered, showing emotion this time.

"Sounds good to me" Cindy said.

"Whatever, as long we don't go to a Hello Kitty store" Carla said as she whispered "If I see one, the fire from Hell will come"

"I'm so excited too!" Peter said.

"Uh...I said 'four sisters', what part you didn't get?" Meg asked.

"One, two, three and FOUR!" Peter said, pointing at Meg, Cindy, Carla and himself "That's four!"

"Hey, you forgot about me..." Persephone said.

"Shut up, Psycho Meg-" Peter said as Persephone grabbed his collar.

"Listen to me, waste of a man" Persephone told with a threatening tone "I'm going to spend every second with my favorite person in the world, buying clothes, lingerie, make-up, cute stuff and watching chick flicks, I don't care if I hate them..."

"Yeah, I hate chick flicks too" Cindy said.

"They suck balls" Carla commented.

"Language, young lady!" Kat scolded.

"So you better stay out of this or you'll feel 50 Shades of PAIN!" Persephone said "Did you get that?!"

"Yes..." Peter answered, whimpering.

"LOUDER!" Persephone demanded.

"YESSSS!" Peter cried.

"Good, thank you, I love you, Daddy" Persephone said, changing her mood very quickly.

"My god, her mood swings faster than Electro becoming Spider-Man's enemy" Chris said.

**Cutaway**

Max Dillon was meeting Spider-Man in person.

"Oh my god, you're Spider-Man!" Max said "I'm instantly in love with you!"

"What?" Spider-Man asked.

"What do you mean 'what'?" Max asked offended "You think I'm a nobody?!"

"I didn't say..." Spider-Man said.

"That's it, you're my enemy now!" Max said as he left and then he came back as Electro "***distorted voice*** _You will feel my wrath_!"

"You know what? Screw this franchise!" Spider-Man said, taking off his mask and throwing it to the ground "I'm joining the Avengers! At least their movies don't SUCK like this one!"

**Cutaway's end**

Meanwhile, in Willy's house...that it's a garage full of bugs as pets. Willy was fixing up Mothroid.

"Stupid Murdock, with his stupid robot, his bitch wife and his bratty kids!" Willy cursed "I'd wish there's a way to CRUSH THEM LIKE INSECTS!" that comment scared his insects out "Oh, not like you, my beautiful babies! Daddy loves you!" Then he saw something through his window: it was a kind of...pterodactyl "What the hell...?" then it was revealed to be a robotic pterodactyl that crashed against his window.

***Pterodactyl cry***

"AH!" Willy screamed as the screen turned out black.

...

Then Willy woke up in...a big and beautiful greenhouse surrounded by robotic herbivorous dinosaurs.

"Where the hell I am...?" Willy asked.

Then Melanie appeared in front of him.

"Welcome to Jurassic Garden!" Melanie asked.

"AH! You're the one who kidnapped me!" Willy said "You're not gonna rape, are you?"

"What?" Melanie asked.

"All right, you're kinda hot, so I'll let you do it" Willy said, zipping off his shorts.

"STOP!" Melanie said, closing her eyes "Listen: does the name 'ROB-B' sounds familiar to you?"

"Yes" Willy answered, confused "It's my mortal enemy!"

"Mine too" Melanie replied "Nothing will make me happier than seeing it into the dumpster!"

"Me too!" Willy said as he started falling in love with her "Wow, we have so much in common"

"Would you focus?!" Melanie asked, snapping him out "Anyway, I'm making a new robot that could crush that piece of scrap and with your help, we could make this happen"

"You want my help?" Willy asked.

"What do you say?" Melanie asked.

"I'm in!" Willy answered.

"Marvelous!" Melanie praised "We should start working now!"

"Can we close the deal with a kiss?" Willy asked as he lifted his lips.

Melanie just punched him in the face.

"Do it one more time and you'll be my Robo-X's food" Melanie warned.

Next day; Peter was watching TV, but he was very bored.

_And we go back with G.I. Joan._

**TV Cutaway**

A young girl approached a group of boys playing basketball.

"Can I play with you?" the girl asked.

"Of course, if you're able to pee standing up!" a boy mocked.

The boys laughed at her until G.I. Joan showed off.

"Hey, you shouldn't make fun at this young girl" G.I. Joan said "Now, you'll let her play basketball"

"Okay, ma'am" the boys agreed.

"YAY! Thank you, G.I. Joan!" the girl thanked as one of the boys threw the ball at her and she ended on the ground "OW!"

"And remember: all girls should be treated as equal" G.I. Joan said.

"Now we know!" the boys replied.

"And that's just half the battle" G.I. Joan said.

_Chorus:_

_G.I. JOAAAAAAAN_!

**The Real American Heroine**

**TV Cutaway's end**

"Peter, why the long face?" Lois asked.

"I'm super bored" Peter answered "All my friends are busy and Meg doesn't even want me to come with her and her sisters"

"Well, it's an all-girls day off, they're gonna talk about stuff obviously men aren't into that" Lois asked "At least you're Eddie Walker, this guy LOVES women stuff!" she laughed a little "What a wuss"

"I'd pretend interest at least..." Peter said, with a sad tone.

"Listen: Kat invited me to go fishing" Lois said "I don't know if you want..."

"I'D LOVE TO!" Peter said "It would be amazing spending time with loves of my life!"

"Peter, I'm the love of your life" Lois said "She's just a random woman who got knocked herself up with your sperm"

"Hey, she actually gave me thanks for masturbating and release Cindy out of my balls" Peter said.

"Argh, you really need to be that disgusting?!" Lois asked.

"I'm currently writing the porn version of _the Human Centipede_" Peter said.

**Flashback**

**(A/E: If you don't wanna vomit, I suggest you to skip it)**

Peter was writing the script on his desk.

"How about instead sewing their mouths to their anuses...they sew them to their genitals!" Peter said, writing it "Oh yeah, I'm a genius"

**Flashback's End**

Meanwhile; the four sisters were having fun on the mall. The next store they went was the Victoria's Secret where they tried on different lingerie styles.

"Do you think I look lovely?" Meg said, wearing a stylish bra with hearts on the straps and matching bikini panties with hearts on the hips.

"You look beautiful" Persephone said, wearing a green bra and panties with watermelons-print.

"Seriously? You always wear fruit-print underwear?" Carla asked, wearing a black gothic-style underwear.

"Hey, let her wear whatever she wants" Cindy said, wearing...a white T-shirt and gray men's briefs.

"Uh...Cindy, where did you get these?" Meg asked, very curious.

"From the Calvin Klein next door" Cindy answered "I find men's underwear more comfortable"

"You should have seen her playing Romeo in a Romeo and Juliet play" Carla said as she waited for a flashback, but nothing happened "Hey, where's the damn flashback? Aren't we suppose to be in a fanfic where cutaways appear to kill time?!"

"Yeah, I destroyed all the evidence about my most embarrassing moments" Cindy said.

**Cutaway**

In a live action segment, you can see me looking for the list of 'Cindy's Embarrassing Flashbacks'.

"I swear I put it right here along with the list of 'Meg's Sexy Outfits'!" I said.

**Cutaway's end**

After shopping, the sisters wanted to go to the movie theater. Then Meg saw the poster of _Cinderella _and she got excited.

"Oh my god, let's watch this one!" Meg said.

"Yeah, I'd love to see a live action version of my favorite Disney movie of all time!" Persephone said.

"I don't know, isn't Cinderella's formula has been done a MILLION times in SO MANY movies?" Cindy asked.

"All of them chick flicks, YUCK!" Carla said, disgusted.

"It includes a short film of _Frozen_" Meg said.

"COUNT ME IN!" all the girls instantly agreed.

"Yup, it still works" Meg said.

Meanwhile, in the middle of the sea; Peter, Lois and Kat were fishing in Kat's boat.

"Thanks for inviting us, Kat" Lois thanked.

"You're welcome" Kat said "I always go fishing with my daughters every year as a family tradition. But after Carla's 12th birthday, they lost interest" she lets out a sigh "How much kids changed"

"Tell me about it, mine spend more time with their boyfriend and girlfriend respectively" Lois said "I'm proud and happy for them, but...I miss them doing stuff with them"

"Come on, Lois" Peter said "We can do stuff together"

"Remember, fishing is matter of time and patience" Kat said.

"This is gonna be fun!" Peter said.

_1.5 seconds later.._.

"This is f*cking boring!" Peter complained "I knew this is a bad idea!"

"Peter, a few seconds ago you said this would be fun" Lois said.

"But wouldn't be awesome if something awesome happen?" Peter asked "Like an army of high-intelligent dolphins!"

"That sounds stupid" Lois commented, annoyed.

"And then they ask me to have a three-way with both of you or they'll kill us!" Peter added.

"That sounds awful AND stupid" Lois commented as Kat made a disgusted face.

"And then I got Aquaman's powers and save my daughters from an evil monster!" Peter said.

"Do I even I have to say it?!" Lois asked, annoyed.

"I gotta admit: your husband's imagination is impressive" Kat said.

"You have no idea" Lois said "He was even worse when he became Green Lantern"

**Flashback**

Peter as Green Lantern was showing his powers to his family.

"Check out my cool powers!" Peter said as he used his ring to levitate Lois.

"Ah! Peter, out me down!" Lois demanded.

But Peter shredded Lois's clothes, including her underwear and replaced them with sexy green glowing lingerie.

"Now, let's go to our room and use my glowing green penis!" Peter said as they flew towards their room.

**Flashback's end**

The sisters came out of the theater smiling, meaning they had a good time.

"That was awesome" Meg said "What you're gonna do n-?" but then she saw...NANCY THE CHICKEN! "Nancy..."

Nancy turned around and she saw Meg.

"Griffin..." Nancy said.

"Why does a poultry bitch like you doing in the mall?" Meg asked.

"I don't know, why does an UGLY bitch like you doing here too?" Nancy asked.

"Hey, don't you EVER call my sister a 'bitch' again!" Persephone warned, grabbing her neck "At least you wanna go to a KFC! I heard they're doing a Giant Chicken Special Combo"

We see Cleveland Jr. in the KFC.

"Do you have the GCSC?" Junior asked.

"Sorry, kid, at least somebody brings us a giant chicken, we don't the GCSC" the employer answered.

Back to the girls...

"Persephone, let me do this alone" Meg said.

"You want a match?!" Nancy asked.

Then suddenly a girl dressed as Belle from _Beauty and the Beast_ wearing a sombrero appeared.

"Excuse me, are you the girl from the Quahog's zoo?" the girl asked.

"Who are you?" Meg asked.

"I'm the wrong who gave you the wrong coupons" the girl answered "I'm so sorry, I didn't know they were expired"

"Wait, does that mean that you..." Meg asked, really shocked by such revelation.

"To make this out, here's some coupons of 'Taco Belle'" the girl said "Get it?

"Ha, ha, ha, very funny" Carla said, sarcastically.

"I swear these coupons doesn't expire until 2020" the Taco Belle girl said "All right, have a nice day"

As the Taco Belle girl leaves, Meg stared at Nancy.

"My god, all this time I've fighting you for one stupid misunderstanding" Meg said "Would you ever forgive?"

"Yeah, yeah, just give those coupons and we're cool" Nancy said, taking them.

"No way, I like tacos and I love Princess Belle!" Meg said.

"Well, I deserve them!" Nancy argued.

"IT'S ON!" Meg said as they both started another fight.

"Oh no, we should stop them!" Persephone said.

"Leave them alone, this happens all the time" Chris said, appearing out of nowhere.

"CHRIS?!" Persephone asked "Have you been following us all day?"

"Yeah, even at Victoria's Secret" Chris said.

**Flashback**

Chris was posing as a mannequin wearing a white nightgown. Then Gina and Jasmine passed over it and watch him.

"Wow, there's no way a girl that fat could exist" Gina said.

"Yeah, I bet she would kill herself" Jasmine commented as they both laughed.

**Flashback's end**

"I gotta say, it wasn't so easy" Chris said.

"Because those bitches hurt your feelings?" Cindy asked.

"No, because I was having a hard time NOT getting a boner" Chris answered.

"I swear, if you're planning to do something to Meg..." Persephone threatened.

"I'm trying to be a better little brother for her!" Chris said.

"I'll never forgive you for snitching me out when I was little!" Persephone said.

"I thought you were killing Meg!" Chris said.

They both continued bickering as Carla and Cindy stared at them.

"They're remind me to us" Cindy said.

"Yeah, except I'm prettier than you" Carla said.

"Are you kidding me? You look like the Addams Family's lost daughter!" Cindy said "Or better yet: one of Tim Burton's lost figures for _the Nightmare Before Christmas_!"

"How dare you insulting my idol!" Carla said.

All of them continued arguing until they feel an earthquake.

"What's happening?!" Persephone asked.

They came out of the mall to see...A GIANT ROBOTIC CENTIPEDE WITH A T-REX HEAD! It was green, it has red eyes and it can shoot lasers.

*ROAAAAR!*

"This doesn't look good" Chris commented.

"No sh*t, Sherlock" Carla replied.

***Melanie's voice*** _I know it's you, Redmond!_

"Melanie...?" Cindy asked.

Inside of the robot, we see Melanie and Willy operating the robot, wearing tight suits.

"That's right, me and Willy Wood worked together to create this beast and destroy you!" Melanie said.

"Hey, aren't we suppose to destroy Murdock's robot?" Willy asked.

"Pardon, have you never heard the phrase 'ladies' revenge first'?" Melanie asked.

"No, but..." Willy answered.

"Then let me have MY revenge!" Melanie said.

The monster attacked as the sisters and Chris ran away as fast as possible. Cindy took out her cellphone to call Jessica.

"Jessica!" Cindy called as a line divided the screen, showing off Jessica.

"Hi, dear!" Jessica greeted "Having fun with your sisters?"

"I'd love to talk about our day, but a giant insect dinosaur thing is attacking us!" Cindy said.

"Oh no! What do you want me to do?" Jessica asked.

"Bring my 'secret briefcase' and meet me in Quahog's downtown!" Cindy ordered.

"I'm on my way, love ya'!" Jessica said.

"Love ya', too!" Cindy said as she phoned off.

Then in a car sales, we see Gil Gunderson from _the Simpsons_ selling a car to a woman.

"This car is a little old, but it can still work" Gil explained, nervously "Please, say that you'll take it!"

"Okay, I'll take it" the woman agreed.

"Yes!" Gil cheered "I knew my luck would change here!"

But then the robot appeared and destroyed the car.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Gil screamed "Why does God hates me so much?!"

The robot continued chasing the sisters and Chris as hid behind a poster of Diet Pepsi.

"Is your girlfriend there yet?" Carla asked.

"She's coming as fast as possible!" Cindy answered.

"Well, I won't hide here any longer!" Chris said.

"What are you doing, you idiot?!" Persephone asked.

"HEY, YOU!" Chris called the beast "I have something to tell you!" he pulled his pants down to show off his ass "KISS MY ASS!"

Obviously the beast got pissed and started shooting lasers on him.

"AH!" Chris screamed as he went back to the hiding, but the beast already destroyed the hiding.

"You're the worst" Persephone commented.

The beast was ready to destroy them. But then an explosion occured in a building as Meg and Nancy were falling down. Meg finally got rid of Nancy, but she landed on the monster head.

"What the bloody hell is that?!" Melanie asked.

"Some bitch who fought against an angry bird" Willy said.

"Whatever it is, get it off!" Melanie ordered.

"You know, I'm starting to change my mind about you" Willy commented.

"NOW!" Melanie demanded.

The robot started shaking its head to get Meg off.

"Meg is in danger, I gotta save her!" Persephone said, jumping off the building to save him.

"Percy, please, don't-! Jump..." Cindy said.

"And she calls me an idiot" Chris said, unimpressed.

Persephone landed on the head to meet up Meg.

"Are you okay, sis'?" Persephone asked.

"I'm fine" Meg answered.

"Don't worry, I'm gonna get you out of this!" Persephone said.

Meg climbed on her sister's back, then Persephone slid all over the centipede rex like a human sleigh and they both landed on the streets.

"That was awesome!" Meg praised.

"For you my sis', anything" Persephone said.

But the monster turned around and stared at them.

"Let's finish them off!" Melanie said.

"Okay, I didn't sign up for murder!" Willy said "I'm out of here!"

Then they felt a shake as outside we see Iron Brawler destroying parts of the centipede's body. She joined the Griffin sisters as she opened her helmet to reveal her face.

"Sorry, I'm late" Cindy said "Are you all right?"

"You did it, Cindy!" Meg praised "The robot is destroyed!"

Then Melanie and Willy came out of the head.

"You think that's over, Redmond?!" Melanie asked "This is just the beginning!"

She pressed a button as the parts of the centipede revealed themselves a robotic beetles!

"Oh, come on!" Persephone complained "Okay, this is officially a video game with a two-phrase final boss!"

"It's all over for you!" Melanie said as she evilly laughed.

But then, out of nowhere, a tidal wave appeared. Over the tidal wave, we see Peter dressed as Aquaman with an army of dolphins.

"Dolphin Ex Machina!" Peter exclaimed.

The tidal wave covered the robots as the water caused them malfunctions and the dolphins finished them off. As the water slowly ceased off, our sisters were okay, soaked, but okay. Even Cindy's armor hasn't been affected.

"Hey, why your armor wasn't affected by the water?" Chris asked.

"It's waterproof, you can even sink it like the Titanic and it'd still be functional" Cindy said as she turned to Melanie "Something I guess you haven't figure it out yet, right?"

"This isn't over, Redmond!" Melanie warned "Next time, I'll bring you down!"

"Yeah, that next time won't be too soon" Joe said as he and his men are ready to arrest them.

"Well, at least I won't go to prison alone, right Wood?" Melanie asked as she realized Willy escaped "SON OF A BUG!"

"Guys, sorry that our day was ruined for some crazy nut cases" Meg apologized.

"Are you kidding? It was awesome!" Cindy said "I never had a fun time in a while"

"I gotta admit: it was cool" Carla said.

"Sisters' Hug?" Persephone asked.

"SISTERS' HUG!" Meg exclaimed as everybody hugged.

"Well, don't give me thanks that your handsome father saved your lives!" Peter bragged as Lois and Kat appeared as well.

"Huh...excuse me?" Meg asked, confused "The dolphins saved us"

"But, I commanded them with the powers of Aquaman!" Peter said, showing the trident.

Then the REAL Aquaman appeared: he looked like the one that Jason Momoa is gonna played in _Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice_. He grabbed his trident.

"I believe this is mine" Aquaman said as he leaves.

"See, THAT'S a badass hero!" Carla said.

"Aw, come on!" Peter complained "I even had a three-way with your mothers!"

"Wait, is that true?" Meg asked as Lois and Kat just nodded as they both blushed "OH MY F*CKING GOD!"

"Unbelievable!" Cindy exclaimed, terrified.

"I'm now scarred for the rest of my life" Carla said, expressionless.

"First you lie to us about saving our lives and then you come out with that to disgust us!" Persephone said "I was wrong about Chris. YOU are the worst!"

"YAY!" Chris cheered.

"Shut up, Chris" Persephone said "I still hate you"

"Aw..." Chris groaned of disappointment.

"Come on, sisters" Meg said "Let's find a place to not see his UGLY face!"

They walked away in a huff, leaving Peter kneeling on the ground.

"I don't get...I saved their lives...why they don't see me as a good father?" Peter said.

"Let's see: you made one miserable for 18 years, you sent the other to prison when she was a little girl, one barely knows you and the last one isn't even share your blood" Lois explained.

"Don't give up, Peter" Kat said "I'm sure they'll forgive you in time"

"At least I got my fans back, right?" Peter asked.

More readers' comments appeared:

**PeterIsAwesome99:**

I'LL HATE FOR THE REST OF MY LIVE!

**ILoveMegxPersephone17:**

KILL YOURSELF ALREADY!

**FamilyGuyForever2015:**

YOU HAVE NO SALVATION!

"F*ck" Peter cursed.

**End of the-WAIT! There's more!**

In the Langley Falls's CIA, Stan Smith was talking with Avery bullock.

"Well, congratulations for your children and your future grandchild, Smith" Bullock congratulated "But there's not time to feel overwhelmed. I'd like you to meet someone"

Somebody appeared from the shadows: it was 'D'.

"Smith, this is 'D', leader of the Security Worldwide Organization Rescue Division, or S.W.O.R.D." Avary said.

"Good evening, gentlemen" 'D' greeted.

"What 'D' stands for? Dwarf?" Stan asked as he laughed, getting a slap from 'D' "OW! WHAT THE HELL?!"

"You have balls to call me a dwarf, big chin" 'D' said "Anyway, my agents found something that you and your agents may be interested"

'D' shows a suitcase as one of his agents opened it, it was a blue crystal star with a mysterious power.

"What is this?" Stan asked.

"We don't know" 'D' answered "Maybe the strongest energy source ever existed"

"We want you to lead the research of this powerful item" Avery said.

Then behind of a window next to Stan...Draggoroy from the third season is revealed.

"Well, I guess that worths to take a look" Draggoroy said.

"Well, I guess that worths to take a look" Stan said.

"Bwahahahahahahaha" Draggoroy evilly laughed.

"Bwahahahahahahaha" Stan evilly laughed.

"No, don't say that part, you idiot!" Draggoroy said.

"No, don't say that part, you idiot!" Stan repeated.

"ARGH!" Draggoroy grunted, face-palming.

"ARGH!" Stan grunted, doing the same thing.

**End of the Chapter**

**(A/E: In case you're asking, yes, I'm doing this with pen123. We're doing an Avengers-like story combining my OCs with his OCs. It's sorta like a promotion to _Marvel's The Avengers: Age of Ultron_. Anyway, have a nice day!)**


	45. Hocus Dorkus

**Chapter 45: Hocus Dorkus**

**(A/E: I'm very, very, VERY sorry for the long hiatus! I was extremely busy! I hope you enjoy this chapter!)**

It starts out in Rose farms where the Kennedy's and the Rose's were giving a welcome to Matt and Katie's child: a daughter, who looks a lot like her mother and for some reason, she has some pinkish hair.

"My god, she looks beautiful" Matt said.

"And she's stronger than a bull, hehe" Katie commented "Seriously, she is"

"Hi! I'm your auntie Sophie!" Sophie cooed the baby.

"Well done, son" Bruce said "I'm proud of you and so your mother if she was still alive"

"How are you gonna call them?" Sam asked.

"We already think about it" Matt said "If it was a boy, it'd be Samuel Bruce Kennedy"

"But since it's a girl, she's gonna be called like his mother Rosalyn and my mother Mary" Katie said "Rosemary Kennedy or Rosie for short"

"Hey, what's up with its pinkish hair?" Sophie asked.

"Ah..." Matt said, trying to look for an explanation.

"I know what she has: she inherits the Baby Hair gene" Sam said.

"Baby Hair gene, of course!" Sophie exclaimed "Uh, what's the Baby Hair gene?"

"It happens to women in our family" Sam said "They have reddish hair when they're babies"

"She has?" Matt asked as Katie slapped his arm a little "I mean, of course she has!"

"Now that I have a child, I can live the good ol' times I had with Mom" Katie said.

But then, outside, there's Miriam from 'Bleh Swan', watching this scene.

"This is exactly what I need" Miriam said.

Meanwhile, in the Griffins' house; all our heroes' mothers were celebrating a...baby shower? That's right, both Tracy and Donna were expecting babies. Then Cleveland Jr. (wearing an apron) appeared with some cookies.

"Here's some cookies for the pregnant ladies!" Junior said.

"I never realized Tracy and Donna were pregnant" Peter said.

"Me neither" Lois replied.

"I don't blame you, it's because SOME AUTHOR didn't even mention!" Donna said, breaking the forth wall.

**(A/E: I swear I was gonna write about it in the previous chapter. Heck, I even put hints: like you using the toilet and Tracy vomiting)**

"Tracy, this is a gift from me" Brian said, giving Tracy the gift which it's the book _What to Expect When You're Expecting_.

"Oh, Brian, this is gonna be so useful for me!" Tracy said "I admit I didn't do it well when I was pregnant of Dylan"

**Flashback**

We see Tracy when she was morbidly obese, drinking tons and tons of beer as two party girls were cheering.

"DRINK! DRINK! DRINK! DRINK! DRINK!" the party girls chanted.

**Flashback's end**

"Here you got, Donna, my gift is much better" Cleveland said, giving her the gift ad Brian got upset for the comment.

Donna opened it and it was _What to Expect When You're Expecting_...the movie version.

"Good, I'm excited..." Donna said with a deadpan tone.

"Ha! I told you mine is better!" Cleveland bragged "Now she doesn't need to 'read words' to get ready for the delivery!"

"Have you thought in the names?" Lois asked.

"If it's a boy: Ryan and I don't care what the author of 'the Unknown Griffin' say!" Tracy said "If it's a girl: Amalia" Tracy said.

"If mine is a boy: Robert..." Donna said with a dreaming tone until Cleveland glared at her "I MEAN BERT! Yeah, Bert! And if it's a girl..."

"KORRA!" Junior "You know, like the protagonist of _Legend of Korra_. The most powerful and bravest female character since Wonder Woman!"

"Junior, we're NOT putting our child like one of your favorite fictional characters" Donna said "Except maybe Lara after Lara Croft"

"Korra did exist and so all the Avatars in the past!" Junior said, taking out the apron "And I'm gonna prove it!"

He leaves to look for some 'clues' for his theory.

"He won't find anything" Donna said, very skeptical.

"He will grow up...hope so" Cleveland said.

"One thing is true: babies make everything better" Helena said as she looked at the audience "And no, I'm not saying this to build up something ironic..."

"Just show us the next scene!" Lois said.

We see Matthew Ryder in his room on Heaven with...Connie D'Amico. Connie was wearing a heavenly white robe.

"Do they allow you to bring guests to your place?" Connie asked.

"No, but shh" Matthew answered.

"I gotta admit, you've became a much better boyfriend since that battle on New York" Connie said.

"Yeah, after defeating an army of skeleton aliens and that big ass dragon, I thought spending more time with you wasn't a bad idea" Matthew said "After all, you got long blonde hair"

"Tell me more..." Connie said.

"Also, you have a sensual body" Matthew added.

"What about my boobs?" Connie asked.

"As juicy as watermelons..." Matthew answered.

_JUST PORK ALREADY!_

We see the owner of the voice was Nathan Everett.

"Sex first, corny and sweet words later!" Nathan said "Otherwise, the woman's horniness will cease!"

"Thanks, Nathan!" Matthew thanked as he turned to Connie "Let's do this"

"Wait, do you have a condom?" Connie asked.

"I don't need it, I'm dead and so is my sperm" Matthew answered "Consider this the ultimate sex protection"

"'Ultimate sex protection', I like how it sounds" Connie said as they started making out.

"Well done, pal" Nathan praised.

"You want another round, baby?" Hellen asked.

"You bet ya'!" Nathan answered.

Meanwhile, in a cave in the middle of the woods; Miriam got into the cave where she was summoning her two sisters.

"With the power of fire and darkness, I summon you: Lorraine and Jeannie!" Miriam exclaimed as the two other sisters appeared: Lorraine has purple hair and she wears a violet victorian dress and Jeannie has green hair and wears a jade victorian dress.

"Ugh, I have headache, but I don't remember having a drink" Lorraine said.

"Haha! I remember you taking off your clothes to your undergarments after drinking three bottles of wine!" Jeannie said with a happy smile.

"I thought we agreed to never speak about that again, Jeannie!" Lorraine said

"Settle down, ladies!" Miriam ordered "The Spellbook is on the hands of a young man named Matt Kennedy. If we get the book, we'll find the spell to bring us back to life!"

"And how are we suppose to get it while staying dead, Einstein?" Lorraine asked.

"Oh, I know!" Jeannie said "We disguise ourselves as librarians and tell him his book debt is overdue!"

"Ugh, no wonder why they burned you down first!" Lorraine said with her palm

in her face.

"Quiet you both!" Miriam ordered "All we need is three things: the Spellbook, three virgins and...a magical baby"

"But hey, that would be FIVE things" Jeannie said, counting the things Miriam asked.

"Does that really matter?" Lorraine asked, annoyed "Also, a magical baby?"

"The young man had a baby and since he got his magical powers from the book, he must have passed them down to his baby" Miriam explained "If we get those things, we'll come back from death! Now let's finish this with our diabolical laugh" she turned to Lorraine "Diabolical laugh..."

"Hahahahahahaha..." Lorraine evilly laughed.

"Diabolical laugh..." Miriam said, turning to Jeannie.

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Jeannie evilly laughed.

"DIABOLICAL LAUGH! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Miriam evilly laughed.

A few days later; we see a 60's Batman-style cave.

***Super Friends Narrator*** _Meanwhile, in Matthew's bat-cave._

"What? I'm a superhero, I deserve my own bat-cave!" Matthew said "Yes, I have my house in Heaven, but...uh...SHUT UP!"

Then he saw the bat-signal through his monitor. Behind Matthew, there's Spike from MLP for some reason.

"Holy Guacamole, Matthew, the signal!" Spike exclaimed.

"To the Angel-mobile!" Matthew said "Wait...I don't need a car, I cam freaking fly!"

So he flew away, leaving Spike alone. Who was putting on his outfit from 'Power Ponies'.

"Wait, you forgot me!" Spike said "Oh, never mind, I'll go back to my show"

Matthew flew around the city until he saw the one who used the signal: Connie D'Amico. He landed on the building.

"Connie, it's there something wrong?" Matthew asked as Connie slapped him in the same.

"You LIED to me!" Connie shouted.

"What?" Matthew asked, confused.

"You told me nothing wrong will happen to me, but that was bullcrap!" Connie said.

"You're not even telling me what the hell is going on!" Matthew said.

"Matthew..." Connie sighed, rubbing her stomach "I'm pregnant"

"WHAT?!" Matthew asked, really shocked "That's impossible!"

"'The ultimate sex protection' that's what you said!" Connie reproached.

"Are you sure this is mine?" Matthew asked.

"Oh no, Matthew, I've just met this guy named 'Channing Tatum' and we were sorta drunk...OF COURSE IT'S F*CKING YOURS!" Connie angrily shouted.

"Well, I insist that angels can't impregnate mortals" Matthew said.

***FLASH***

Life magically appeared.

"Greetings, future father and future mother!" Life greeted.

"What the hell do you want, Life?" Matthew asked.

"Doing my job, Mattie" Life answered "As you must know, gods, angels and any supernatural being can impregnate mortals through a kiss. That's how Demigods were made"

"A KISS?!" Matthew asked "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Besides: I've kissed Connie seve...wait...no, I haven't kiss her since my returning until that night we did it. But it's still stupid!"

"I think you owe me an apology" Connie said.

"Okay, I'm sorry for doubting about you" Matthew said, reluctantly "How did your parents take it?"

"Don't worry about them, they disowned me in the nicest way possible" Connie said.

**Flashback**

We see Connie getting kicked out by her parents. They didn't even let her doing her suitcase.

"And don't you EVER come back!" Connie's father warned "You're dead to us! Did you hear me? DEAD!"

**Flashback's end**

"Sorry again" Matthew said.

"That's okay, they were dicks anyway" Connie said "Now what?"

"Well, you can have an abortion..." Matthew said.

"WHAT?!" Life asked as her eyes turned red, she was glowing a dark aura and everything was shaking "***distorted voice*** _**NEVER SAY THAT UNHOLY WORD AGAIN**_!"

"Okay, okay, I'll never say it again!" Matthew said as Connie was freaked out.

Life quickly calmed down.

"Thank you" Life thanked with a sweet tone.

"Geez, bitch, don't piss your panties like that!" Connie said.

"I'm immortal, I don't wear panties" Life said.

"And somewhere, a horny reader has a boner" Matthew said.

"Anyway, good luck with your parenthood!" Life said as she disappeared.

***FLASH***

"Well, I'll look for somewhere to live" Connie said.

"You don't need to, you can stay in my house" Matthew said.

"Are you crazy?!" Connie asked "Your parents hate me!"

"But they're still devoted Christians, I'm sure they won't reject a homeless pregnant young lady like you" Matthew said.

"I don't know" Connie said, unsure.

"Come on, we'll just tell them your cruel parents kicked you out and they'll say..." Matthew said.

The next shot was in Matthew's house.

"Absolutely NO!" Karen said.

"Oh, come on!" Matthew said "Her parents kicked her out and she has no place to live!"

"Did you forget she's responsible for your death?" Richard asked.

"Okay, two things: number one: It was a bum with a gun, I already took care of it" Mathew said.

**Flashback**

We see the bum's head on Matthew's trophy case on his Heaven's house.

**Flashback's end**

"And two: I'm right here!" Matthew said "As a Guardian Angel, I can visit Earth whatever I want"

"Yes, but things haven't been the same!" Karen said "I mean, look at you: you used to be cute and sweet and now you're...whatever hideous creature!"

"An angel?" Matthew asked.

"Yes, that one!" Karen said.

"But you're devoted Christians!" Matthew said.

"Not anymore, for now on: we're atheists!" Richard said.

Then Brian (wearing a formal collar) appeared out of nowhere.

"Do your parents have a minute?" Brian asked.

"PISS OFF!" Matthew said as Brian leaves.

Jaina appeared with a box labeled 'Christian Stuff'.

"Are you sure you want me to throw this out?" Jaina asked.

"Yes, I don't wanna see any cross, bible or Jesus figure in this house anymore" Richard answered.

"You don't understand, she's...!" Matthew tried to explain Connie's situation.

"Don't even bother, Matthew, I know when I'm not welcome" Connie said as she left in a 'HUF!'

"God, this sucks more than playing _God of War_ with Ares" Matthew said.

**Cutaway**

Matthew was with Ares, who looks like Sauron from _Lord of the Rings_, in Matthew's room, playing video games.

"Did they make a game about me?" Ares asked.

"Actually, you're not the main character" Matthew answered "It's this guy named Kratos"

"WHAT?!" Area asked, outraged "I AM the God of War and I will find this man named Kratos to destroy him!"

Ares left the room, leaving Matthew alone.

**Cutaway's end**

Meanwhile, in the Griffin's house; Eddie was talking with Matthew through phone.

"Yes? Yes? Oh my...yes, I understand, yes" Eddie said as he finished talking with Matthew "

"What's wrong, Ed?" Chris asked.

"Matthew told me Connie's parents kicked her out of their house" Eddie answered.

"Oh my, poor girl!" Lois said, concerned.

Then Meg started laughing her ass off.

"What is wrong with you, Meg?" Lois asked, clearly upset.

"Sorry, Mom, it's just I love seeing my worst enemy suffering, it feels SO good!" Meg said "Give me five, bro!" Chris gave her a high five.

"Meg, you should be more sensitive about Connie's situation" Eddie said.

"Eddie, in case you've already forgotten, Connie D'Amico is the worst" Meg said.

**DING-DONG!**

Meg got up to answer it.

"And that's not just jealously talking" Meg said "I'd say that to her face"

She opened the door, revealing Connie all soaked.

"I need a place to live" Connie said.

"You're the worst" Meg said as she slammed the door.

"Meg, that was rude!" Lois scolded as she opened the door again "Sorry for my daughter's behavior"

"That's okay, we don't get along very well" Connie said.

"Connie, I'm sorry that your parents kicked you out" Eddie said "If you allow me to ask, why?"

"I'm pregnant" Connie said.

"WHAT?!" everybody asked, surprised.

"It's not mine! I swear I never cheated on Amy!" Chris said.

"I know it's not yours, it's Matthew's" Eddie said.

"Besides, I wouldn't have sex with you even if you were _The Last Man on Earth_" Connie said.

"Holy crap!" Peter said, looking though his clock and turning on the TV "Thanks for remind me the show I'm currently watching!"

"Listen, I promise I'll pay rent as soon I get a job and I'll stay here until Matthew and I figure it out what to do with me" Connie said.

"It's okay, you can take Persephone's bed" Lois said "She's doing community service in Gotham City"

**Flashback**

Persephone was in Arkham Asylum with Deadshot, Captain Boomerang and Harley Quinn.

"What's your skills, girl?" Deadshot asked.

"I can kick somebody's ass if that somebody insults my sister Meg" Persephone answered.

"In that case: your sister's so ugly that makes Mr. J look handsome!" Harley insulted as she innocently laughed.

Persephone grabbed Harley and threw her to Captain Boomerang, knocking them out.

"Welcome to the Suicide Squad" Deadshot said.

**(A/E: If you guys don't know about the Suicide Squad, check out the movie _Batman: Assault on Arkham_ (seriously, check it out, it's absolutely awesome) and the episode of _Arrow_ called 'Suicide Squad'. There's also gonna be an upcoming live-action movie adaptation in 2016)**

**Flashback's end**

"Actually, I took care of it" Meg said "I called a 'professional'"

Then Axel came in with a shotgun.

"Did you call me, Meg?" Axel asked.

"Yeah, blow the bastard up!" Meg said, pointing at Connie's womb.

"WHAT?!" Connie asked.

"Axel will kill the fetus, you'll go back with your parents and you don't have to stay in my house" Meg answered.

"Have you lost your mind?!" Eddie asked, outraged.

"Hey, I hate Connie too, so I'm doing it for free" Axel said.

"All right, nobody will kill nobody!" Eddie said "If you don't accept Connie in your home, I'll accept in mine"

"NO!" Meg said "I don't trust on her living in your roof!"

"Then you agree with Connie living with us?" Lois asked.

Meg looked at Eddie, then at Connie, then at Axel ready to open fire, then at...Bruce the performance artist?

"It's your choice, Megan" Bruce said.

"I-I..." Meg said, stammering

Then at the next shot, we see Meg and Connie sharing the same room. Connie was in her pink bra and panties as she was choosing a nightie to sleep.

"...let her stay" Meg said, with a grumpy tone.

"Eek, all your nighties suck!" Connie complained until she found a sexy yellow babydoll "This one is not bad. Can I borrow this?"

"I use this when I have sex Eddie" Meg answered.

"Then you won't mind if I wear it" Connie said, putting on "Listen, I'm surprised that an ugly person like you let a beautiful person like me to stay in your place. Actually, I shouldn't be surprised since beautiful people get everything they want"

"Okay, D'Amico, I just had more than enough of you taunting me like...like all the Academy Award winners to Leonardo DiCaprio!" Meg said.

**Cutaway**

We see Leonardo DiCaprio walking down streets as many actors carrying their Oscars were passing to taunt him: Christian Bale...

"Hey, _Wolf of Wall Street_, where's your Oscar?" Christian Bale asked as he laughed.

...Jennifer Lawrence...

"I brought honor to my District, which honor did you bring yours?" Jennifer Lawrence asked as she laughed.

...Halle Berry...

"I was _Catwoman_!" Halle Berry said.

...and Meryl Streep carrying THREE Oscars.

"I can burrow you one of mine" Meryl Streep said.

"Don't you think YOU have enough?!" Leonardo DiCaprio asked "I mean, they nominated you this year for _Into the Woods_! _INTO THE WOODS_!"

**(A/E: I agree with him, I don't think her performance was Oscar worthy on that movie)**

**Cutaway's end**

"Sorry, Griffin, but I don't think you did anything to earn my respect" Connie said.

"What if I tell you that I saved the world?" Meg asked.

"Say what?" Connie asked.

"New York, the giant laser thing that summoned the alien invasion, I was the one who stopped it" Meg said "Well, me and my team"

Then Connie started laughing her ass off.

"YOU?!" Connie asked "I saw the news and it was a superheroine called 'Pink Arrow'. Obviously a much better person than you!"

As Connie continued laughing, Meg quickly took out his high-tech bow and arrow to point at Connie with it, making her to stop laughing.

"One more laugh and your skull gets a hole" Meg warned with her Pink Arrow voice.

"Y-You're Pink Arrow..." Connie said, astonished.

"That's right, bitch and if you wanna stay in my house, you gotta be careful with me" Meg said " Got it?"

"Got it..." Connie said.

"Good" Meg replied with a sweet tone as she hid her weapon and turned off the lights "Good night!"

"Good night..." Connie said, getting on Persephone's bed very scared "***mentally*** _Take it easy, Connie. You can survive this. You just need to not insult Meg. What could possibly go wrong?_"

It was already night already as each of the three witches were looking for the stuff they needed for the resurrection. The three were separated, looking for different places:

Jeannie was in Dylan and Tracy's apartment. She got into Tracy's room as she was sleeping and she possessed her body. Then she heard noises from Axel and Dylan's room, where Axel was having a dream about him hunting down something.

"Die witches...die..." Axel said, dreaming.

Jeannie was so scared, that she walked slowly in order to not waking them up. But she trip out, making Axel to react (but still sleeping).

"You won't escape from me...!" Axel said as he used his pillow like a sword or something "There...you're dead...oh, look at you werewolf girl...wanna taste the sharp of my two swords...?"

Jeannie approached the chance to leave as soon as possible.

The next was Lorraine, who got into the Cleveland's house. She saw Cleveland and Donna sleeping and possessed Donna. She was about to leave, but Cleveland (still sleeping) didn't let her.

"Come on, honey...another round..." Cleveland said, dreaming.

Annoyed, Lorraine kicked him in the testicles, waking him up.

"OW! MY NUTS! I'LL SUE-!" but Lorraine used his power to sleep him and leave.

And finally Miriam, who got into the Griffin's house; she found Connie sleeping.

"Marvelous, I found a beautiful one..." Miriam said as she possessed Connie's body.

She got out the bed and she went to the window to leave. But she accidentally stepped on Meg's face.

"OW!" Meg yelled of pain, waking up and she found Connie getting out "Hey, where are you going?" But Connie didn't answer Meg's question and got out of the house "HEY! Come back here!"

She took out her bow and arrow and shot an explosive arrow. But, surprisingly, Connie caught the arrow and then threw it away to...the Goldman's house.

***BOOOM***

The house got partially destroyed. Then Mort found out about this.

"Oh great, black gangsters again!" Mort complained.

Meg wanted to chase after her, but she ran so fast that she disappeared in the dark.

At the next day; Meg explained to her family what happened to Connie.

"I'm telling you, Connie was acting very weird!" Meg said "She even had those possessed eyes!"

"Are you sure she didn't get scared by your ugly clothes?" Stewie asked as he laughed.

"It's not funny, Dad!" Meg said.

"Hey, I didn't say anything!" Peter said.

Then Meg's cellphone rang as she answered it.

"Hello?" Meg asked.

A line divided the screen, revealing Dylan.

"Meg, something happened: Mom is gone!" Dylan said.

"WHAT?!" Meg asked, shocked as she received another phone call "Excuse me, I got another call" she answer the other call "Hello?"

Another line divided the screen, revealing Roberta.

"Girl, my mom was kidnapped!" Roberta said.

"Hey, mine too!" Dylan said.

"And you are?" Roberta asked.

"Dylan, please remember my name" Dylan answered.

"I won't, Alan" Roberta said.

"Aw, come on!" Dylan said "That name doesn't even rhyme!"

"Guys, focus!" Meg said "Tell me what happened!"

Later, Joe and his policemen were investigating Tracy's room.

"Any last words she said before she was murdered?" Joe asked.

"She wasn't murdered, she just disappeared!" Dylan asked, offended.

"Murdered, disappeared, they're the same" Joe said.

"Any clues, Ax?" Dylan asked.

"According to my hunter senses...it was witches" Axel answered.

"WITCHES?!" everybody asked.

"Oh, ho, ho, ho, sorry, son, but there's no such thing as witches" Joe answered, skeptical.

"Are you sure, about this?" Dylan asked.

"Unfortunately, I need the help of a witch hunter expert" Axel said "Officer Swanson, do you know where the maximum security prison is?"

Then we cut to Quahog's maximum security prison where they met...Natalie Clarkson from 'White Magician' in the visitors' section.

"Hey, Nat!" Eddie greeted.

"It's been a long time" Natalie said.

"How's your father?" Eddie asked.

"He's fine...getting electroshock therapy" Nathalie answered.

**Flashback**

We see Trevor stabbed on a metallic table.

"I'M TELLING YOU! THEY'RE COMING FROM US!" Trevor screamed.

"Hit him" the doctor ordered as the nurse applied the electroshock.

***ZAAAAAP***

"AAAAAAARRRRRGHHH!" Trevor screamed of pain.

**Flashback's end**

"Anyway, what do you want?" Natalie asked.

"We have a problem with...witches" Axel whispered.

"WHAT?!" Natalie asked, really surprised "They're real?! I thought they were Dad's hallucinations"

"Anyway, we need all your knowledge about witches" Axel said.

"Well...to be honest, I don't know if everything my dad taught me about witches was mumbo jumbo" Natalie said.

"Goddamn it!" Axel cursed.

"But I have nothing to lose, so I'm gonna tell it anyway" Natalie said "Pay attention carefully, because I'm gonna tell this once" Natalie said.

"Wait, aren't cops listening to this?" Eddie asked.

"Bitch, these guards are 'special', just look at them" Axel said.

They saw the 'special' guards playing around and acting like immature children.

Meanwhile, in the witches' cave; Connie woke up and she found herself tied up along with Tracy and Donna.

"Huh? Where the hell am I?" Connie asked.

"We don't know, we're as confused as you are" Tracy answered.

_Oh, don't worry..._

Miriam and her sisters appeared in front of them.

"Oh, don't worry, ladies" Miriam said "Everything will be over soon"

"AH! A GHOST!" Donna screamed.

"AH! A black woman!" Miriam screamed in a fake way "How does that feel? Not so good, huh?"

"What do you want from us?" Tracy asked.

"I need three virgins for me and my sisters' resurrection" Miriam answered.

"Excuse me, three VIRGINS?" Donna asked.

"Sorry ma'am, but we're not longer virgins" Tracy said.

"I'm not talking about you, I'm talking about the little bastards they're growing inside you!" Miriam said "We need PURITY, we need creatures that don't know the meaning of evil yet, so we can corrupt them with our dark magic!"

"Look: I understand you mistook me as a virgin since I'm young and beautiful" Connie said "But you mistook THESE TWO old hags as virgins too?"

"SAY WHAT?!" Tracy and Donna asked at the same time.

"That was completely irrespectful, young lady!" Tracy scolded "Didn't your parents , teach you to respect adults?"

"If I wasn't tied up, I'd give you a well-deserved bitch slap!" Donna said.

"SILENCE!" Miriam ordered "For Satan's sake, you're almost as bad as my sisters! Speaking of them, I hope they get what I ordered to get"

Meanwhile, in Rose Farms; Matt and Katie were sleeping together while Rosie is sleeping on her crib. Then Lorraine and Jeannie appeared and they saw her.

"Aw...how cute is the baby girl" Jeannie cooed.

"Shh, quiet..." Lorraine ordered silently "We shall not wake them up..."

"Sorry..." Jeannie said, silently.

"I'll get the Spellbook, you get the baby" Lorraine ordered.

"Yay...!" Jeannie cheered.

"SHHH!"

"Sorry..."

Lorraine tried to look around the room until she found the book under the bed. Then Jeannie looked at little Rosie.

"Hello there, little one..." Jeannie said as she picked her up.

Then Rosie was about to sneeze.

"Oh no, if she sneezes, she's gonna wake them up...!" Lorraine said, carrying the book.

But when Rosie let out the sneeze...

***POOOF***

She sneezed a magical power blast on Jeannie's face.

"AH!" Jeannie screamed as the blast knocked her out.

Obviously that noise woke up Matt and Katie.

"Who's there?!" Matt asked.

"Curse you, Jeannie!" Lorraine cursed.

"Now what?" Jeannie asked.

"Take the baby and get out of here!" Lorraine ordered

Jeannie picked up Rosie, who's crying and flew away along with Lorraine.

"Oh no, they got Rosie and the book!" Matt screamed.

"NOT MY ROSIE!" Katie said as she grabbed Matt's arm to chase after them.

They went to the farm to wake up Chocolate and ride on her to chase after the witches. Little they know that the S&M cow was expecting her to leave.

"Finally!" The cow said, taking out a box full of leather clothes and other S&M stuff "Hey guys! Tonight is _50 Shades of Grey_ party!"

Back to the cave, Miriam was still waiting for his sisters for the stuff she asked for. But all of them were pretty bored for waiting.

"I'm bored, anyone knows something to kill time?" Tracy asked.

"What do you think of the upcoming Adam Sandler's movie: _Pixels_?" Donna asked.

"It's gonna suck" Connie answered.

"I don't know, Axel seems extremely excited for that movie" Tracy answered.

"It stars Adam Sandler" Donna said.

"Exactly" Tracy said.

"SILENCE!" Miriam ordered "Ugh! These two slowpokes are wasting my patience! When I see them, I will...!"

"We're here!" Lorraine said.

"...give them a grateful hug!" Miriam finished her sentence, quickly changing her mood as she hugged her sisters "I knew you could do that!"

"Well, thank you" Lorraine thanked "Let's do this quick since that little bastard can't stop crying!"

"Please, don't cry baby, please, don't cry!" Jeannie begged, as Rosie was crying harder.

"Lorraine, read the Resurrection spell" Miriam ordered.

Lorraine searched the chapter of that spell until she found it.

"Here it is" Lorraine said "Jeannie, trace a pentagram on the ground and put the bastard on it.

Jeannie did that and put Rosie on the center.

"Let's begin..." Miriam said as she and her sisters closed her eyes.

***Latin chatting***

"What are they saying?" Connie asked, clearly scared.

"You're asking the wrong person" Tracy said.

"Well, if you guys survive, tell Cleveland and my kids that I love them" Donna said "Also, tell Cleveland that if he EVER remarries, I'll haunt him down for the rest of his life!"

Miriam was about to finish the last sentence of the chant until...

***BANG***

They heard the noise of a shot, interrupting the resurrection progress.

"What the bloody hell...?!" Miriam asked as they turned around and they saw Matt and Katie.

"Give me back my precious daughter and the book!" Matt demanded.

"Or what?" Miriam asked.

"Or THIS!" Katie said, started shooting at Miriam and her sisters "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

Unfortunately, since they were ghosts, they were unaffected by the bullets. But Katie was so stubborn that she kept shooting until she was ran out of bullets.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Miriam evilly laughed "Mortal weapons are useless against us!"

"TARNATION!" Katie cursed, throwing her gun "I still can save my baby!"

She ran towards the pentagram to save Rosie.

"KATIE, NO!" Matt warned.

But Katie got possessed by Lorraine and she started hitting herself.

"Why are you hitting yourself?" Lorraine asked in Katie's body, despite using Katie's voice "Why are you hitting yourself?!"

"I gotta save my girlfriend and daughter, but without the Spellbook, I'm just a normal guy" Matt said.

"It's over for you, stupid boy!" Miriam said as she was about to chant the spell one more time.

But then Jeannie was suddenly sucked in by some air flow.

"AH! HELP!" Jeannie screamed until she ended inside of a...vacuum?

Everybody turned around and they saw Eddie, Brian, Axel and Cleveland with vacuums. They were even wearing the Ghostbusters costumes.

"If there's somethin' strange in your neighborhood, who ya gonna call?" Axel asked.

"GHOSTBUSTERS!" everybody cheered.

"Oh sh*t" Lorraine said as she was sucked in too by Cleveland.

"Hell yeah!" Cleveland cheered.

"NO!" Miriam cursed.

"Ed, bring us the honors" Axel said.

"With pleasure" Eddie said, using his vacuum to suck Miriam inside.

"NOOOOOOO!" Miriam screamed until she was already inside the vacuum.

"We did it!" Axel cheered "We came, we saw, we kicked their asses!"

"YEAH!" everybody cheered as they jumped and did a high five like _Filmation's Ghostbusters_.

**(A/E: it's pretty weird there's two unrelated franchises that have the same name and concept, but with different characters and settings. How was that even possible?)**

"ROSIE!" Matt and Katie exclaimed as they picked up their daughter.

"Are you okay, my beautiful sweetie pie?" Katie asked as Rosie was smiling for seeing at Katie.

"I promise that for now on, we'll always protect you" Matt said.

"Are you okay, Donna?" Cleveland asked, untying her.

"Yes, I'm okay" Donna answered as she slapped Connie in the face.

"OW! WHAT THE HELL?!" Connie asked.

"Told ya', bitch!" Donne answered.

"How's the baby, Tracy?" Brian asked.

"The baby's fine, thanks for worrying it about" Tracy said.

"Of course I'm worrying it about, I'm not an unlikeable deadbeat dad" Brian said as he winked twice to the camera.

"I hope you're okay, Connie" Eddie said, untying her.

"Argh, why did you take it so long?!" Connie asked "These witches could have do something bad to me! Like turning me ugly or a frog or an ugly frog like your girlfriend!"

"I'm starting to understand why Meg hates you" Eddie said.

"Also, where's Matthew?" Connie asked "He's suppose to be my Guardian Angel! And yet, he failed me on saving me from three witches!"

Speaking of Matthew, he FINALLY appeared.

"Hey, babe!" Matthew greeted.

"Where have you been?!" Connie asked "You never know when your girlfriend, that's me, needs to be saved? Or do I need to go to that building to turn your bat-signal on?"

"You know what? I hate Connie already!" Eddie said "All she does is whine and complain! In fact why don't you replace her dialogue with...?"

Robin's childish mumbling from Nostalgia Critic's _Batman and Robin_ review are played during Connie's bitching.

"Listen, sorry if I wasn't there to protect you" Matthew said "I was too busy on making a new home for you"

"Yeah, sure" Connie said, not buying him.

"No, really, come with me!" Matthew said as she grabbed Connie's hand and flew away.

"They're making a Ghostbusters 3 by the way" Eddie asked.

"Wow, really?" Axel asked "Awesome!"

"With a female cast" Eddie added.

"Say WHAAAAAAAAT?" Axel asked, very astonished.

After a while, they landed on the North Pole.

"Here we are!" Matthew said.

"Brr, did you bring me to the North Pole to get frozen or being eaten by penguins?!" Connie asked.

"One: I think you mean polar bears" Matthew answered "And two: turn around"

Connie obeyed as she saw an crystal castle that looks like Superman's Fortress of Solitude.

"Oh...my...GOD!" Connie exclaimed.

"Let's go inside!" Matthew said ad they went to the ice castle.

Inside of the castle, there was a lot of luxury stuff: a HD plasma TV, a couch, a bar, etc.

"Where did you get all this?!" Connie asked.

"Heaven's IKEA" Matthew answered "I hope you like it"

"Like it?" Connie asked "I FREAKING LOVE IT!" she hugged her very strongly "I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!"

"Well, I hope you learned something today" Matthew said.

"Absolutely" Connie said "I learned that beautiful people like me get everything they want by doing absolutely nothing! I can't wait to see my room!"

She went upstairs to look for her room.

"Don't worry Connie-haters, she didn't know all the stuff was originally made from weasel's vomit and excrement" Matthew said, breaking the fourth wall "See you later, dudes!"

**End of the Chapter**


	46. Due DateBefore Dying

**Chapter 46: Due Date...Before Dying**

Brian was with a psychologist talking about his problems. We don't see the psychologist, just Brian laying on the couch.

"If you're asking me, no, I don't have problems with my life" Brian explained "In fact, everything was good since I started bonding Tracy and Dylan. Now, Tracy's expecting another child. No, I'm not nervous, I couldn't be more excited. But...if I did have an issue...it started with probably the craziest week of my life..."

In this very long flashback, we see Brian getting out of a writers' convention in San Francisco.

"Wow, that was a nice convention, instead of killing themselves they've just vomited with the sequel of my book" Brian said as he found Peter getting out too for some reason "Peter, is that you?"

"Oh, hey Brian!" Peter greeted.

"What are you doing here?" Brian asked "Since when you're a writer?"

"Actually, Angela sent me to delivery beer coupons " Peter said "I wonder if they're doing fine without me"

**Flashback**

Actually, everyone in the Pawbucket Factory were having a party without Peter.

"Thank god our boss got rid of that fatass for the weekend!" Employer #1 said.

"Hey, look! Here comes the ladies!" Employer #2 said.

Everybody cheered to see the strippers just to see...Angela in a red bikini. Everybody felt disgust by that.

"Oh, shut up!" Angela said "You're just jealous of my worked out body!"

**Flashback's end**

"Anyway, I gotta take a plane to go back to Quahog" Brian said.

"Hey, can I take that plane with you?" Peter asked "We can be trip buddies!"

"Sounds nice, really, Peter" Brian said "But I really need to go back in time for Tracy's baby delivery"

"Since when Tracy deliveries babies?" Peter asked "Does she made a webpage like Amazon where you can order your baby?"

"NO! Our second child, Peter!" Brian corrected as he sighed of frustration "Listen, I'd love to travel with you, but I really have to hurry up or I'll lose the plane"

Brian left Peter to go to the airport, leaving Peter sad.

"I feel so lonely" Peter said with a sad tome as Jerry from _Tom and Jerry_ appeared out of nowhere.

"We're already two, man" Jerry said with the same tone.

"Jerry? Where's Tom?" Peter asked.

"He's in a date" Jerry answered.

**Flashback**

Tom was having dinner with...Catwoman.

"I gotta say: you're the second man who dresses like an animal I've ever met" Catwoman said with a seductive tone.

"Huh...yeah! I am a man dressed like an animal" Tom said, nervously.

Then outside, we see Batman watching the date through the window.

"Another lonely night for the Dark Knight..." Batman said.

**Flashback's end**

Meanwhile, in the Brown-Tubbs' house; Donna invited Tracy to have lunch. They both look really pregnant.

"How are you feeling with your pregnancy, Tracy?" Donna asked.

"Pretty good so far, nothing to worry" Tracy answered "The only thing I'm worried is Brian. I mean, my fountain could break anytime and I don't wanna do this without him"

"You should've chained him like a did with Cleveland" Donna said.

Next to them; there's Cleveland attached to the wall with a chained collar.

"Come on, Donna, I'm not going anywhere when the baby is born!" Cleveland said.

Then Cleveland Jr. appeared, throwing a bunch of papers into the trash.

"I give up!" Junior said.

"What you're giving up?" Donna asked.

"Every theory, every possibility about the Avatar's existence was scrapped" Junior answered.

"Really? Not even a clue?" Tracy asked.

"Well, there's this Buddhist temple in San Francisco, but it could be just a Buddhist temple and nobody cared of that" Junior said.

"Oh, Junior, sorry if you feel disappointed" Donna said "How about if you make cookies? That always cheer you up"

"Cookies?! Yes, I do!" Junior said as he went to the kitchen.

"Hehe, sucker" Donna said with a malicious smile.

"I won't have cookies, Glenn went to buy me a blueberry cheesecake" Tracy said as she looked at us "Yes, we became friends in season two. It's just we never addressed it again until now.

"What are you talking to?" Donna asked.

"Nobody important" Tracy answered.

**DING-DONG**

Donna stood up to see who's there. When she opened the door, she found Quagmire all beaten down. He ever had a giant slash on his back.

"Oh my god, Glenn!" Tracy screamed.

"Sorry, Trace...I lost your cheesecake..." Quagmire said, coughing blood.

"It doesn't matter, Glenn" Tracy said, picking him up "What happened?"

"Axel and Dylan are what happened" Quagmire answered.

**Flashback**

Quagmire was coming out from a bakery with Tracy's cheesecake until...he was assaulted by Axel in the dark alley.

"AH! What the hell?!" Quagmire asked.

"Hello, dickhead pervert..." Axel greeted with a dark tone "I didn't know you have a sweet tooth"

"Uh, it's not for me, it's for..."

"One of the ladies you're planning to rape?" Axel asked "You're gonna put a roofie inside, so she can eat it while you bang her like a dog to a teddy bear?"

"Please, just leave me alone!" Quagmire said, very scared.

"Not until you leave my friend's mother alone and stop on trying to destroy a precious relationship!" Axel demanded "Or else..."

"Or else what?" Quagmire asked as he looked up and he saw...Dylan on his Werewolf form!

***ROAAAAAAR***

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Quagmire screamed.

**Flashback's end**

"He accused me of rapist and a relationship destroyer...which they're both actually true if you think about" Quagmire said.

"Trust me, my relationship with Loretta was far from precious" Cleveland said "At least you're comparing it with the movie _Precious_"

"This is unacceptable!" Tracy said, clearly upset "These two boys will have to answer to ME!"

"Please, don't!" Quagmire begged "If they find out I spoke to you, they're gonna kill me!"

"Glenn, you can't live like this" Tracy said "There has to be a way out"

"You can become Brian's friend" Donna said.

"NO WAY!" Quagmire refused "I own NOTHING to that dick! No offense..."

"Besides, even Brian refuses to have anything to do with him" Tracy added "Looks like there's no other way. We gonna need Matt's help"

"Who's Matt?" Quagmire asked "Matt Dillon? I thought he was filming an episode of _Wayward Pines_"

**Cutaway**

**(A/E: Sorry, since I don't watch that show, I can't make a cutaway out of it. The only thing I know it's that the show's pilot was directed by...M. Night Shyamalan. So, here's a M. Night Shyamalan joke)**

"Hello, I know you were disappointed for _the Last Airbender_" Shyamalan said "But don't worry, I'm gonna make it out to you!" he took out a poster of Megan Fox dressed like Korra from _Legend of Korra_ "I'm doing a _Legend of Korra_ movie! Mr. Bay recommended me Megan Fox after her fantastic performance in _Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles_!"

Then he was burned down alive by a flamethrower. The owner of that flamethrower was...me.

"Just to be clear: I don't HATE the Ninja Turtles reboot. In fact, it's a guilty pleasure for me" I said "But yeah, Megan Fox sucked as April O'Neil"

**Flashback's end**

Meanwhile, in San Francisco's airport; Brian put his suitcase in the suitcase detector until...

***BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP***

"What the hell?" Brian asked.

"Hold it right there" the inspector said "I'll see if you have nothing illegal"

"I swear I'm clean" Brian said.

Among Brian's stuff, he found some playboy magazines...

"Okay, they're not mine" Brian said.

...a bag of wed...

"That's also not mine" Brian said, getting concerned.

...and a bag of cocaine.

"Okay, that's DEFINITELY not mine!" Brian said, very defensive.

"Relax, sir, you're in San Francisco, nobody gives a damn if you carry...wait a minute" the inspector said, taking out Brian's newest book "'Even Faster Than the Speed of Love'?!"

"Yes, it's my newest book, pretty cool huh?" Brian asked.

"Security, we got a AW in progress" the inspector said through his walkie-talkie.

"AW?" Brian asked"

"Awful Writer" the inspector answered as the security guards proceeded to beat up Brian.

After that beating, Brian was enlisted on the 'not allowed' list, meaning he can no longer take an airplane. Conveniently, Peter appeared on his car.

"Hey, what's up?" Peter asked.

"Oh, hi, Peter" Brian greeted.

"Aren't you suppose to take a plane?" Peter asked.

"They put me on the 'not allowed' list" Brian answered.

"Hey, I'll give you a ride!" Peter said "We can still be road trip buddies!"

"Are you insane?" Brian asked "We'd have to across the entire country to get there in car!"

"Don't sweat it, we'll get there in no time!" Peter said.

"Okay..." Brian sighed as he got into the car "Just promise me we don't stop at any place"

"I promise, I'll just stop to a gun shop" Peter said.

"Goddamn it, this is gonna be worse than watching Stewie modeling Lois's clothes" Brian said.

**Flashback**

Brian was in Stewie's room as Stewie was wearing a brunette wig and Lois's red dress that of course is too big for Stewie. Sophie was the photographer.

"Look at me how fabulous I am!" Stewie said.

"This doesn't bother you at the slighest?" Brian asked to Sophie.

"NOPE!" Sophie answered "In fact: I think this is fun!"

**Flashback's end**

Meanwhile, in the Kennedy's apartment; Quagmire and Tracy were with Matt in the livimg room as Sophie was playing with Rosie with a ball. Rosie wears a red ribbon on her head, a yellow blouse, denim overalls and brown shoes.

"Let me get this straight: you want me to change Mr. Quagmire's face, so Axel won't haunt him down anymore?" Matt asked.

"Yes" Tracy answered.

"And saving money for an expensive plastic surgery" Quagmire said "I'm saving it for a penis enlargement. Wink-Wink"

"Okay, it's really not that hard" Matt said, opening the book "Changing your face will be as easy as creating your avatar in _Sims_, _Skyrim_ or..."

"_World of War_-?" Tracy asked.

"Don't even say it!" Matt warned "I stopped liking it since the stupid set expansion of

_Mists of Pandaria_! I mean, I like _Kung Fu Panda_, but it's not like I wanna play like Po while I destroy orcs and demons!"

"Are you gonna do it or not?" Quagmire asked, annoyed.

"Okay, just stay still and don't move at all" Matt said as he performed the spell.

"Catch it!" Sophie said as she threw the ball to Rosie.

But then Rosie sniffed magic dust to the ball, making it to bounce and ended up hitting Matt's book. Despite not finishing the spell, a red ray hit on Quagmire.

"AH-GIGGITY-AH!" Quagmire screamed in a slapstick way.

***POOOF**!*

Matt and Tracy were coughing due the smoke as Sophie was crying for causing this.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'M SORRY!" Sophie cried.

"Sophie, take Rosie with you to your room, now!" Matt demanded as Sophie obeyed and took Rosie with her.

"Are you okay, Glenn?" Tracy asked.

When the smoke disappeared, Quagmire looked completely different: his chin is now small, he had long, puffy hair, eyelashes, pink lips and BREASTS! That's right, Quagmire has turned on into a woman.

"Yeah, I'm okay..." Quagmire said as he realized his voice sounded feminine (it's now voiced by Kaitlin Olson) "Wait, what the hell happened to my voice?! I sound like my sister!"

"Not only that, but you look like a woman!" Tracy said, astonished.

Quagmire looked at his now feminized body despite wearing his men clothes.

"It's impossible, I can't be a woman!" Quagmire said.

"Rosie must sniffed magic dust to the ball and when it bounced to the book, the spell must have changed more than your face" Matt explained.

"Oh, you think so?!" Quagmire asked, sarcastically "What am I gonna do now that I'm...Glenda?!"

"Actually, that's a really cute name" Tracy said "You should keep it in"

"WHAT?! But I don't wanna be a woman!" Glenda said, starting to cry "Now I have these stupid feminine feelings!"

"Please, don't cry, I didn't mean it" Tracy said "I'm just saying just until Matt finds the way to turn you back"

"Really...?" Glenda asked, stopping to cry.

"It's gonna be hard, especially with the Spellbook infected with Rosie's magic" Matt said "It may changed some spells, but I'll do my best to fix this"

"Look at the bright side, at least Axel will never know it's you" Tracy said.

"I guess you're right" Glenda said.

"You're gonna need women's clothes, let's go to my apartment" Tracy said.

"God, I hate this more than Gordon Ramsey hates getting angry" Glenda said.

**Cutaway**

We see Gordon Ramsey ranting against a chef.

"You know what I hate more than that piece of sh*t you call Coco Vin?! " Ramsey asked "Me getting angry! All I do is yell and rant like a drill sergeant! I should be in the army, but no, people wants me to see me criticizing about food and cursing loke the Angry Video Game Nerd! Speaking of him, why does he always botch and moan about old video games that nobody play anymore! Oh, great, now I'm criticizing something that it's not about food! I should go to an anger management before one of my veins explodes like one of the bombs from _the Hurt Locker_! I mean, what's up with that movie?! Why does it won an Oscar?!"

**(A/E: I'd like to keep going, but I don't wanna get bore to my readers)**

"And what's up with the author breaking the fourth wall?!" Ramsey asked "Great, now I'm doing it too! Thanks a lot, dickhead!"

**(A/E: Oh, SHUT UP!)**

**Cutaway's end**

Meanwhile, Brian and Peter were leaving San Francisco in the car as Peter was happy that he has his own shotgun.

"Didn't you already have a shotgun?" Brian asked.

"Yes, but I only used it for shotgun marriages like that time I thought Meg was pregnant with Michael Milano" Peter answered "I'm planning to use it against Eddie if he does the same" then he deeply sighed "Actually, I don't know why my own daughter still hates me. I mean, I know I've been an ass, but I'm trying to make it out for her. Yet, she doesn't give me the chance"

"Well, could you blame her?" Brian asked "You've always been an ass to her"

"But I can be caring and kind" Peter said as he took a look at a Buddhist temple "Oh, great, a stupid Chinese hippie hut in our beloved country. Take the drive, Brian" Brian took the steering wheel as Peter slid down the window "Hey, Chinese hippies! Get back to China where you belong!" he started shooting with his shotgun.

PETER, WHAT THE HELL?!" Brian asked, outraged.

"U.S.A! U.S.A!" Peter chanted.

"YOU COULD HAVE KILL SOMEBODY!" Brian scolded.

"Pfft, nobody will care!" Peter said.

Inside of the Buddhist temple, the monks found their master dead (his face wasn't showing).

"Oh no, our master is dead!" Monk #1 screamed of horror.

"His dead will not be in vain, my friend" Monk #2 said "Have you ever heard of reincarnation?"

"Dude, are we really Buddhists?" Monk #1 asked.

"Honestly, I have no f*cking clue" Monk #2 answered.

Back to Quahog, Glenda was in Tracy's room trying on her clothes. She was wearing a white bra and matching cotton panties as Tracy was choosing the right outfit for her.

"All right, I think this dress and these heels will fit you very well" Tracy said, taking out a red dress and brown heels **(A/E: by the way, it's the same outfit Quagmire wore when he became a woman in iOS game: _Family Guy: Quest for Stuff_)**.

Glenda tried it on and it fit her perfectly wrll.

"Well, I gotta say I'm a complete knock-out" Glenda said.

Then Axel came in.

"Hey, Tracy, there's no more Cheerios in the kitchen" Axel said as he looked at Glenda "Well, hello there"

"Axel, this is my old friend from high school: Glenda..." Tracy said, trying to make-up a last name.

"VAJMIRE! Glenda Vajmire!" Glenda said.

"Huh?" Tracy asked, confused by that weird last name.

"Nice to meet you, Glenda" Axel said "I gotta say you're a complete knock-out" Axel said.

"Uh...thanks, I guess" Glenda thanked.

"Are you free tonight?" Axel asked.

"Actually, Axel, she already has a boyfriend" Tracy said "His name is Jeff!

"Damn it!" Axel cursed "Sorry, I didn't know that. But if your boyfriend becomes a jackass..." he gives her his presentation card that says 'Axel Everett: Hunter, PlayBoy, Kick-Ass' "Call me and I hunt him down"

Axel finally leaves.

"Really? Vajmire?" Tracy asked "That's the best last name you could come up with?"

"Well, it's better than the name you choose for my nonexistent boyfriend" Glenda said "Why after the man who abused my sister?!"

"Come on, it could be any Jeff!" Tracy said "Like...Jeff Fisher, one of Dylan's friends or even Jeff Goldblum!"

"Yeah...I didn't miss him in _Jurassic World_" Glenda said.

Meanwhile, in the road; Peter and Brian were silently driving until after a few seconds, Peter broke the silence.

"I'm bored, let's listen some music" Peter said, turning on the radio as it was playing...Surfin' Bird "Oh my god, my favorite song!"

"NO!" Brian screamed as he punched the radio, breaking it "We agreed to NEVER play it again!"

"Aw...well, let's play 'I-See-Something'!" Peter said, looking outside "I see something round..."

"A rock" Brian said.

"Correct!" Peter said "Now, I see something...hard!"

"A rock" Brian said.

"Correct again!" Peter said "Now, here comes a hard one: I see something large and hard"

"Let me guess: a rock" Brian said, getting annoyed.

"BUZZ! Incorrect, it's actually my penis!" Peter said, revealing his erection.

"OH MY GOD, WHAT THE HELL, PETER?!" Brian freaked out.

"I miss Lois, so I imagined her in a slutty schoolgirl costume and I got a boner!" Peter said "Look at how big it is!

"NO WAY!" Brian said, turning his head around.

"Come on, just a little peek!" Peter said, leaving the steering wheel.

"PETER!" Brian exclaimed, taking control of the steering wheel. Unfortunately...

***CRASH***

They crashed against a giant rock and now they're stuck on the middle of the dessert. Fortunately, they were both alive. Unfortunately...I can't say the same thing about their car.

"Oh, perfect, that is just perfect!" Brian praised with sarcasm "This couldn't get any worse!"

"Well, actually, Brian...there's something I must confess you" Peter said.

"What?!" Brian asked.

"I was the one who puts the playboy magazine, weed and cocaine in your suitcase" Peter confessed "I did it, because I really wanted a road trip buddy and have a crazy adventure together. I'm sorry. You're not mad at me, right?"

"No, Peter, I'm not mad at you" Brian answered.

"Well, that's pretty co-" Peter said as Brian kicked him in the balls "OW!"

"I'M PISSED AT YOU!" Brian said, really pissed off "WE'RE LOST! TRACY IS GONNA BIRTH IN A FEW DAYS AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"Hey, you told me they kicked you out by writing such a terrible book!" Peter said.

"Well...yeah! But...ARGH!" Brian frustrating grunted as he walked away.

"Hey, where are you going?" Peter asked.

"To Quahog, but far away from you!" Brian said.

"Come on, Bri, I said I was sorry!" Peter said "Let me come with you!"

"No!" Brian replied.

"Please?" Peter asked.

"No" Brian answered.

"Please?" Peter asked.

"I said NO!" Brian answered

"Please?" Peter asked.

"NO!" Brian answered.

We'll see these two...later.

Next day, Tracy was in mall as she was worried, because Brian hasn't come home yet. Coincidentally, she found Glenda sitting on a bench, wearing sunglasses and a scarf.

"Hey, Glenda" Tracy greeted.

"AH!" Glenda screamed "Oh, it's just you, Tracy"

"How's your life as a woman going?" Tracy asked.

"It sucks!" Glenda said "I have to sit down to pee, brush my hair every morning and th worst part: every MAN in Quahog has been hitting on me!"

**Flashback**

Glenda was walking down the streets as a lot of man were flirting her: construction workers...

"Hello, lady!" a construction worker greeted as he whistled.

A guy of a fruit stand...

"May I exchange this apple for your melons?" The guy of the fruit stand asked, holding an apple.

...and Ryu and Ken from Street Fighter.

"Excuse me, gentlemen, do you know where's avenue 9?" Glenda asked.

"Yes, I do, lady" Ryu said.

"Hey, she was talking to me!" Ken said.

"No, she was talking to me!" Ryu said as they both violently fought and Glenda ran away.

**Flashback's end**

"It's like all these men want to do something with me without asking me if I'm willing to do it!" Glenda said.

"Uh-huh" Tracy replied with ironic.

"Hey, don't 'uh-huh' me!" Glenda said "That means you're implying that I was a perverted pig and this is my punishment!"

"You're the one who said it, not..." Tracy said as she suddenly felt a huge pain "ARGH!"

"What's wrong, Tracy?" Glenda asked.

"My water's broken, it's coming!" Tracy said.

"Don't worry, just breath and I'll take you to the hospital" Glenda said as she looked at a shoes store "Oh my god, the shoes are 50% on sale!"

"GLENDA!" Tracy scolded.

"All right, all right, let's go!" Glenda said.

They went to the hospital, where Glenda called the Griffins, the Swansons, Donna, Cleveland (who has a dog collar with Donna on holding it), Dylan and Axel.

"Thank you for calling us..." Lois thanked, trying to guess Glenda's name.

"Glenda Vajmire" Glenda answered.

"You know, you kinda remind me of an friend of ours" Joe said.

"Yeah, we haven't seen Quagmire in a while" Cleveland said.

"I'm telling you, if I've ever seen this dickhead again..." Axel said, loading his gun.

"_Don't worry, Glenda, as long he doesn't suspects it's actually you..._" Glenda said, mentally as she saw a sexy nurse "Wow, look at this nurse and her sweet milk bags! GIGGITY-GIGGITY!" then she covered her mouth.

"OH MY GOD!" Lois exclaimed, shocked.

"GLENN?!" Bonnie asked, shocked.

"HOLY MADEA!" Donna exclaimed, shocked.

"I can't believe it!" Cleveland said, surprised.

"How's that even possible?!" Joe asked, astonished.

"It's a long story..." Glenda said.

***SpongeBob SquarePants french narrator's voice*** _**17 minutes later...**_

"And that's why I'm stuck like this!" Glenda said.

"Well, now you're like your father" Lois said.

"No, I'm not gay!" Glenda said "I still like women!"

"But you're a woman, that makes you a lesbian" Bonnie said.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Axel laughed very hard "I never thought I would be alive to see this! Honestly, I expected this would happen to Walker!"

"You're not hunting me down anymore?" Glenda asked.

"No, I think letting you live with the knowledge that you can no longer f*ck is enough suffering for you" Axel said.

"Well, thanks...I guess" Glenda thanked.

"Guys, I've tried calling Dad so many times, but nothing!" Dylan said.

"Mine too...not that I care" Meg said.

GUYS!

Everybody turned around and they saw Brian and Peter...who both were covered with smokes and ashes for some reason.

"PETER!" Lois exclaimed, approaching his husband.

"DAD!" Dylan exclaimed too, approaching his father.

"Hello, everybody...!" Peter greeted.

"Sorry, we're late...we've just had a...wacky race" Brian answered.

"Like _Wacky Races_?" Chris asked.

Then Lionel Trevelyan and Marina from 'Raiders of the Holy Gail' appeared out of nowhere.

"Yeah, but imagine it with the screwed-up stuff of _Twisted Metal_!" Lionel said, appeared.

"Hey, Lionel!" Axel greeted "Good to see you, man!"

"Yeah, we met this cool guy and his hot girlfriend" Peter said as Lois gave him a deadly glare "What?"

"Tell us everything!" Axel said.

"Okay, it all happened when Peter and me were having the longest argument of our lives" Brian said.

**Past**

It was already dark and Brian and Peter were still arguing.

"Please" Peter said.

"No" Brian replied.

"Please" Peter said.

"No" Brian replied.

"Please" Peter said.

"No" Brian replied.

"Hey, look!" Peter said, looking at a sign.

**"THE 13TH EXTREME TWISTED METAL MAD MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE MONSTER TRUCK DESTRUCTION DERBY" in Las Vegas.**

"What the hell is that?" Brian asked.

"It's a derby where they'll let you drive one of these monstrous vehicles!" Peter said "We can steal on of them to ride to Quahog!"

"NO WAY!" Brian refused "I'm done doing crazy stuff with you!"

"Come on, buddy, if you don't wanna do it for me, do it for Tracy and your child!" Peter said.

"Fine..." Brian sighed "But promise me this won't get us into any trouble"

"I promise, what could possibly go wrong?" Peter asked.

Then the next scene, they were tired up on the same monster truck as they were both wearing Hannibal Lecter-like iron masks.

"I hate you..." Brian said.

_**WELCOME TO THE 13TH EXTREME TWISTED METAL MAD MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE MONSTER TRUCK DESTRUCTION DERBY: FURY ROAD EDITION! **_

The announcer was Al Harrington, wearing his tough attire.

"I'm Al Harrington, currently on parole, and here's our fast and furious vehicles!" Al said.

_CRAZY TAXI!_

Crazy Taxi was a taxi with guns that shoots change coins.

_WRECK-IT, SPIKE!_

Wreck-it, Spike was a wrecking ball cane with spikes

_GENERIC MONSTER TRUCK #14!_

This is the one where Peter and Brian are trapped.

_JARED "THE JOKER" LETO!_

This one has Jared Leto dressed like the Joker from the upcoming Suicide Squad movie. He even plays an electric guitar.

"JOKER'S HERE! BITCHES!" Jared Leto exclaimed, shooting fire from his guitar.

_AND GHOST RIDER!_

Hell Rider was a Lionel on his motorcycle with Marina on his back.

"You told me we were going to Disneyland" Marina complained.

"In another day, because I wanna feel some speed and destruction" Lionel said.

_Are you ready?_

All the vehicles were charging motors.

_All set..._

Then Lionel looked at Peter and Brian.

"What's the matter, Lionel?" Marina asked.

"Babe, I think this dog is Axel's adopted dad" Lionel said.

"How do you know?" Marina asked.

"He told me he looks like Snoopy" Lionel answered "Looks like he and the fat man need help"

_GO!_

The race started as all the vehicles came out of the stadium. All the vehicles wasted no time on start shooting and attacking to each other. Crazy Taxi was eliminated by getting crashed Wreck-It, Spike. Everybody seemed to focus on GMT #14 as Peter and Brian tried not to get killed.

"Babe, do your thing" Lionel said as Marina turned herself into an eagle and flew towards GMT #14, but she was almost crushed by the spike ball. Fortunately, she transformed into a small snail to get stick to one of the ball's spikes. Then she turned herself into a bee to string one of the driver's eye.

"AAAAAAHHHH!" The driver screamed of pain as he lost control of the vehicle and destroyed it with his own spike ball.

Luckily, Marina escaped from it and went to the GMT #14 to release Peter and Brian, turning herself into a crab to cut off the ropes.

"Huh, who are you?" Brian asked as Marina turned herself into her human form.

"Marina and the Ghost Rider driver is my boyfriend Lionel" Marina introduced herself "I'm here to rescue you"

"Thank you, lady!" Peter thanked "But first..." he went to the driver's seat "Hey, you!" je punched him in the face and took him out of the GMT #14.

***Wilhelm Scream***

The three got into the truck.

"I'm glad this is over..." Brian said.

But they were attacked by 'The Joker', shooting flames from his guitar.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" 'The Joker' laughed "WHAT A LOVELY DAY!"

"Hey, 'Requiem for a Douche'!" Lionel called, taking out his gun "Swallow lead!"

He started shooting at him as 'The Joker' dodged the bullets. But then everybody realized there's a giant sandstorm coming.

"This is it...this is our end" Brian said.

"Oh, hell no!" Peter said "We're gonna get this in one piece!"

"Peter, we're about to enter into a dangerous sandstorm!" Brian said "There's no way we're gonna make it!"

"Come on, did Abraham Lincoln die when he was shot in the theater?!" Peter asked.

"Actually, yes, he did" Marina corrected.

"Damn it, over-smarted by a hot chick half my age!" Peter cursed.

For crazy it sounded, everybody went into the sandstorm as the screen turned white.

...

Brian and Peter were unconscious until the woke up in...a luxury airplane. Lionel and Marina were in a pretty looking sofa as Lionel was feeding Marina with a strawberries covered with chocolate.

"Where are we?" Brian asked.

"Hey, you woke up!" Lionel said "You missed the party!"

"What happened?" Peter asked.

"We made it from the sandstorm...well, except for the 'The Joker' and...my Ghost Rider" Lionel said.

"Then I called Daddy to send us one of his expensive airplanes!" Marina said "Where you wanna go?"

"Well, I always wanted to visit..." Peter said.

"TO QHAHOG...please" Brian said, feeling really tired for all this.

**Present**

"Well, I'm glad you both are okay and that's all what it matters" Lois said.

"Ms. Vajmire, your friend Tracy already gave birth" Dr. Hartman said "It's a girl"

"Oh my god, for REAL?!" Brian asked, excited "Let me see them!"

Dr. Hartman took Brian to the room as Peter looking at Glenda.

"You know, you kinds look like my friend Quagmire" Peter said.

"Yeah...funny story" Glenda said.

Brian found Tracy on her room's bed, holding their newborn daughter: she looked like a baby Tracy.

"She looks beautiful...just like you" Brian said.

"Have you thinking in the name?" Tracy asked.

"I wanna give my mother's name: Biscuit" Brian answered.

"Well, Axel suggested me one: Amalia" Tracy said "So, how about this? Amalia Biscuit Griffin-Flannigan"

"It's perfect" Brian said "I love you all"

"We love you too, Brian" Tracy said.

_After all this crazy stuff I went through, it was one of the most wonderful moments of my life._

We went back with Brian with the psychologist.

"I thought I'd never be the same after this near-death experience, but I watching my beautiful baby daughter on my love of my life's arms, it gives me so much hope" Brian said this to his psychologist...who has fallen asleep...and he's actually Mark Ruffalo

"Uh, what?" Mark Ruffalo asked.

"Wait, had you fall asleep?" Brian asked.

"Uh, sorry" Mark Ruffalo answered "But I already told Downey Jr., I'm not a psychologist. I'm an actor"

"Maybe I should start when I was a puppy" Brian said "All the other puppies from the farm found me weird for reading a book. Weird? They smell each other's asses! Now that's weird"

In the drunken clam; Glenda, Peter and Joe were drinking together.

"I hope Donna gives birth soon, I miss Cleveland...again" Peter said.

"Hey...uh...Glenda, when you're gonna turn back to normal?" Joe asked.

"Matt is still looking for the spell, making sure nothing wrong happen to me" Glenda said "You don't mind I'm still hanging out with you guys?"

"Of course not, Glenda" Peter said "You're still our best friend, only with boobs and a vagina"

"Thank god" Glenda thanked "And besides, I'm starting to enjoy being a woman! I look hot wearing sexy lingerie and lesbian sex is awesome!"

"Well, a toast for you, man!" Joe said, raising his beer.

"Hey, I know this is too much to ask, but...can you give us a strip dance?" Peter asked.

"Oh god, really, Peter?" Glenda asked, annoyed.

"Come on, just a little dance" Joe said.

"All right..." Glenda sighed, stripping her dress off, revealing her white bra and panties.

She stood on the table and started dancing as his friends were cheering...as well the rest of the men in the bar.

**End of the chapter**


End file.
